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My purpose is to live for Christ alone.

13bForgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 3:13b-14 (NIV)

For beautiful the prize, and great our hope.

2016/04/29 20:10 Friday

It seems strange that it is Friday but I don't have to go to work tomorrow. I keep thinking that I will have the blessing of watching a sermon tomorrow.

Started reading Hebrews 10 again. Stopped at v.25. It admonishes not to forsake assembling together. Will contemplate that, but it is highly doubtful that I will ever change my mind about not going to church.

2016/04/28 20:45 Thursday

Too tired again tonight to read. There is no point to reading when I am too tired to focus.

2016/04/27 20:40 Wednesday

Too tired to read anything this evening.

2016/04/26 17:25 Tuesday

My health has taken a bad turn for the worse. Slept about 11 1/2 hours last night. Ran some errands this morning, and after being awake for only about four hours, I had to go back to bed. Laid there half-awake for an hour and a quarter. Then tried to do a ride. Did only 13.71 miles of laps before I was too tired to continue safely.

Read only Chapter 10 of Hebrews, and was too tired to focus. Will re-read that chapter, as there are some passages that I want to contemplate.

Tomorrow would normally be one of my Wednesdays off, but this week I will be working Wednesday - Friday so that I will be able to participate in the KTMB Great Community Cleanup on Saturday.

Off to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.

2016/04/25 18:30 Monday

Read up to Hebrews 10.

Rode only 26.53 miles of laps. Wanted to do the usual ~36 miles, but was too tired to continue safely. Averaged only 13.6 mph. It was cold and windy.

Maybe I'm like the caterpillars in another way. If circling the rim of the planter is me watching church service webcasts, and the church is where the sustenance is, then that holds. Am still set against going to church, regardless.

2016/04/24 20:55 Sunday

I suppose I am like the caterpillars in some ways. My hard heart and inability to trust keeps me from getting much spritual sustenance.

Was at the cycling club Earth Day booth for only a little over an hour. Rode there and back. It looked like it was going to deluge, so we decided to pack up and leave. However, the rain clouds that were coming over the mountains dissapated before long. After that, I took the bike trailer to Costco. I don't like to shop on Sundays, but wanted to get it out of the way.

Paid bills today. Am making progress, despite having some extra expenses this month.

Read only one chapter of Hebrews. Too tired to focus. It is past my bedtime.

2016/04/23 20:50 Saturday

Went by REI on the way home to pick up a camp chair. Depending on the weather, I might be manning a booth the cycling club is having at the Earth Day event. Will watch the late church service webcast first. If it is raining, the people who will be manning the booth before I get there might close up shop. The person organizing the booth staffing will call me if they do, so I will know not to show up. Bought the chair just in case. It is a collapsible chair, so I will be able to carry it in my bike trailer. Would rather ride than drive, in part due to expected parking issues. Even if I don't end up using the chair tomorrow, it is likely that I will be manning the club booth at other events, so it will be useful.

Read Hebrews 5 and 6. It raised the issue again in my mind as to whether or not it is possible to lose salvation.

2016/04/22 20:15 Friday

Read Hebrews 3 and 4. My heart is hard. I wonder if I will ever enter into His rest.

2016/04/21 20:35 Thursday

The annual Earth Day event where I work was today. I took a lot of photos. Some will be posted to the electronic bulletin boards at work, and I will send some to the organizations who sent representatives.

Read the first two chapters of Hebrews. Chapter 2 verse 18 seems strange to me. It seems strange to think of Jesus as being tempted. I don't know if that is the only place where the Bible states that He was tempted. If it is, I wonder what basis the author of Hebrews had for stating that He was. It is said the Bible is God-breathed, so maybe the auther didn't need justification.

2016/04/20 20:25 Wednesday

Many years ago, when I was still in the church from which I am in exile, I used the spelling "worshipping." The pastor corrected me and told me it was spelled "worshiping." In a recent sermon listening guide, though, he spelled it "worshipping." I looked it up on my app, and found that the preferred spelling is "worshiping," but either way is acceptable.

Finished Titus and read Philemon.

2016/04/19 16:30 Tuesday

Had trouble sleeping again last night. Woke up quite a few times. Finally got up and ate some scrambled eggs early this morning, then went back to bed. Laid there awake for quite a while. Contemplated the last sermon and also my cringing at the mere mention of the word "love."

The only things the church has done for me, and of course these are important things, is for the shepherd man having provided nurture leading to my salvation, and having led me in committing my life to Christ. On the other hand, the church was a very difficult place for me to be for interpersonal reasons. I just don't fit in at church, in part because of the loathesome condition of my being female, and my not fitting in with females in a culture where women are expected to conform to traditional roles and to interact meaningfully with each other. I recall leaving church one Sunday and contemplating suicide in part because I couldn't deal with church. I also recall cutting on my wrists in part because I couldn't deal with church. And, of course, when I was having mental health issues and was delusional, the church took legal action instead of getting me the help I obviously needed. Need I say more?

As to the issue of love, as I have stated before, being able to love requires being able to trust. I am unable to love people because I have an ingrained, fundamental inability to trust people. This may be blasphemous, but I also have an ingrained, fundamental inability to trust God, and thus I am unable to love God. God made me with a female body. God made me with a defective brain, leading to delusions and legal troubles and other disasters in my life due to those delusions. I do have very much to be thankful for, but I sometimes fear that another disaster will strike and I will lose everything.

Did 35.83 miles of laps. Averaged 14 mph. Got stuck behind exceedingly slow-moving traffic a few times. Wasn't pushing the pace very much anyway.

Read the first two chapter of Titus.

There is a cycling club general meeting this evening. Don't really want to go, but the presentation is on places to ride in Truckee. It would be good to know of some different rides fairly close by.

2016/04/18 18:50 Monday

Had a bad ride today. Didn't eat enough before the ride, and ended up woozy starting about halfway through the ride. Should have cut the ride short, but was too stubborn. Did 35.82 miles of laps at an average speed of 14 mph. It was bad in another way, too... Was too light-headed to focus much on prayer.

The story behind that started last night. I stopped eating too early, and when I don't eat late enough, I have trouble sleeping. I woke up at about 2:30am and couldn't get back to sleep. Finally got up and ate breakfast, and then went back to bed and slept for a few hours. Just had some almond butter before doing my workout, and that wasn't enough food. As usual, I took two servings of Hammer Gel and two bottles of Hammer Heed, but that wasn't enough either.

Also, before doing my workout, I dropped my truck off to get the transmission pan gasket replaced. It had been leaking. Rode home from there, which was just a couple of miles or so. Then I rode to Natural Grocers for almond butter. That was only a few miles round-trip. After the workout, I had a protein drink, and then rode over to pick up my truck. The total transportion mileage on the bike was 7.9 miles.

Finished 1 Chronicles.

2016/04/17 19:35 Sunday

Had a good ride today, sort of. Averaged only 13.6 mph for the 35.93 miles, but I felt good while riding and afterward.

Am still mulling over today's sermon. As noted in the past, I strongly prefer not going to church. Also, I am simply not going to risk making a request to return to the church from which I am in exile, and in the past I have tried unsuccessfuly to find a church that I would want to attend that would have me.

Am at 1 Chronicles 26.

2016/04/16 20:15 Saturday

Thankfully, it is my weekend. Am exhausted beyond measure.

Am at 1 Chronicles 22.

2016/04/15 20:45 Friday

One more day in my work week. Am looking forward to my days off. The weather forecast is still looking good.

Read just one chapter this evening. Am too exhausted to read more.

2016/04/14 20:50 Thursday

It was snowing as I was driving to work this morning. Groan. At least the weather is predicted to be nice on my upcoming days off.

Am up to 1 Chronicles 17.

2016/04/13 19:10 Wednesday

Today's workout was pitiful. Did 35.83 miles of laps. Averaged only 13.1 mph. Part of the reason for that was that I was tired, and part was due to the wind. During part of the time when I was riding, the wind speed was reported as being 25 mph with gusts up to 32 mph. Another reason it was pitiful was that I was having trouble unclipping again. I keep raising my heel, but clipping out correctly requires dropping the heel.

Had trouble sleeping last night. Woke up at about 10 o'clock and had trouble falling back asleep, and the same happened at about 12:30am.

Am up to 1 Chronicles 13.

2016/04/12 18:40 Tuesday

Busy day. Did some housework, then pulled the bike trailer to Costco, then did a workout ride, and then did laundry. Will wash cycling gear tomorrow; had too much laundry to take it all in one trip.

Did 35.9 miles of laps. Averaged 15.2 mph.

Read up to 1 Chronicles 8.

2016/04/11 18:20 Monday

Slept a little over 14 hours last night. Was exhausted from staying up so late on Saturday night.

Did 36.1 miles of laps. Averaged 14.9 mph. There was just a slight breeze, and I was able to go around the slow-moving traffic most of the time. There was a slow-down in one area for the last several laps, though, as some ducklings had gotten stuck in a drain, and Animal Control was trying to get them out. One of their trucks was blocking a lane. I hope they were able to rescue them.

Read the first three chapters of 1 Chronicles. Tedious. I hope it isn't blasphemous to say that.

2016/04/10 17:25 Sunday

Am thankful to be able to watch sermon webcasts. Strongly prefer not to attend church.

Was too tired to ride safely today, so I did a run instead. Did 5.35 miles. The pace was only 9:50 minutes per mile. At least I'm getting some exercise, even though I am going embarrassingly slowly.

Finished 2 Timothy.

2016/04/09 22:05 Saturday

Read one chapter of 2 Timothy. Got sidetracked after work. The person who handles the cycling club website asked me for help doing something she didn't know how to do, and I just kept working on it. I like the result, but I should have stopped working on it a long time ago and gone to bed. Sometimes when I'm exhausted I lose track of time.

2016/04/08 20:35 Friday

Finished 1 Timothy.

2016/04/07 21:00 Thursday

Was swamped at work today. The girl who normally does the printing during my work week had to leave because of a family emergency, and it was my turn to cover for her. Plus, there were other things I needed to do.

Read 1 Timothy 2. Makes me loathe being female even more so than before, which I didn't think was possible.

2016/04/06 20:20 Wednesday

Read 2 Thessalonians and the first chapter of 1 Timothy.

2016/04/05 19:25 Tuesday

Did an even 36 miles of laps. Averaged 14.3 mph. Have decided to go back to riding the ~36-mile workouts at least until I lose some weight. Was taking estradiol for hot flashes, and gained a lot of weight when I started doing so. Have stopped taking it. Thankfully, the hot flashes haven't come back in force. Yes, TMI.

Read 1 Thessalonians.

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 (NASB95):

12But we request of you, brethren, that you appreciate those who diligently labor among you, and have charge over you in the Lord and give you instruction,
13and that you esteem them very highly in love because of their work. Live in peace with one another.
The word "love" still makes me cringe.

2016/04/04 21:10 Monday

Instead of doing a recreational ride today, I ran 5.62 miles of laps around the lake. Then I towed the bike trailer to Trader Joe's. That round-trip was 4.63 miles. Also, I rode to the cycling club board meeting this evening, which was a 7.35-mile round-trip. Volunteered to man the club booth for a while at the Earth Day event at Idlewild on April 24th. That is a Sunday, so I told the person organizing our volunteers that I wouldn't be able to be there until after the church service. I told her it would be after 2 o'clock. That will give me time to get my club gear on and ride over there.

Finished 2 Kings.

2016/04/03 18:40 Sunday

The webcast froze on my Linux box at the beginning of the service right before the youth pastor started the sermon off with prayer. I hope I didn't miss anything important. The youth pastor is very talented at preaching sermons.

Did 35.76 miles of laps. Averaged only 13.9 mph. Was at 14.1 for quite a while, but then the wind came up to 20 mph and I had a headwind on both the east and west sides of the lake due to eddying. It wasn't that bad on the west, but the east side was quite bad.

Am at 2 Kings 24.

2016/04/02 20:45 Saturday

Work wasn't very busy until the afternoon, but then the sky started falling. For a while, I was on a bridge call, had two IM sessions going, and was getting reports from someone on a radio, all at the same time. Got to leave on time, though, but only because my coworker volunteered to stay late.

Am at 2 Kings 21.

2016/04/01 21:05 Friday

Wasn't as busy at work today. Got caught up on a few things.

Am at 2 Kings 18.

2016/03/31 20:45 Thursday

Was swamped all day at work today. Never did finish reading the email that built up over my weekend. Scanned it quickly, and will take a closer look tomorrow. I don't check my work email from home, and indeed, doing so is forbidden because I am paid hourly.

Have been busy since getting home also. Read just one chapter of 2 Kings.

2016/03/30 19:25 Wednesday

Had a glitch when attempting to upload this last night. Was able to connect to the webhosting company's server, but when I tried to ftp the files, it said "no route to host." After a little thought, I realized that my firewall was blocking ftp. Enabled that traffic, and all was well.

Rode 25.36 miles of laps at an average speed of 14.1 mph.

Am at 2 Kings 15.

2016/03/29 20:25 Tuesday

Another day of cleaning and upgrading my Linux box. Made a lot of progress on the clutter. Reinstalled Linux. Installed Fedora 23 Server instead of the Fedora 23 Workstation I installed yesterday. Have everything configured how I want it, at least I think I do. I don't think I forgot anything.

There was a cycling club ride host training meeting that I went to this evening. Am not planning on leading many rides, as I don't like to ride with other people, and I like leading rides even less. However, I will probably lead one of the rides at the annual club picnic in August.

Am at 2 Kings 8.

2016/03/28 20:30 Monday

Dreamt last night that I was back in a church, but this time it was a church where Tom Bacon was the pastor. No way that will happen.

Didn't do a workout today. Spent the day working on spring cleaning and upgrading my Linux operating system.

Read the first four chapters of 2 Kings.

2016/03/27 21:35 Sunday

Happy Easter.

For some reason, the webcast froze several times on my linux box starting during the song before the invitation. Am thankful that it didn't start freezing during the sermon.

After the sermon, I ran 5.49 miles. The pace was slow again; it was 10:00 minutes per mile. Have to start somewhere, though. Maybe I'll be able to run faster after I've been running for a while again. Am thinking I'll start running at least once a week, and more if it is too windy to ride.

Was at Amy and Randy's much later than I wanted to be. Left at about 8:45pm. Was too tired to drive safely. Prayed that I would make it home safely and without mishap, and gave thanks when I did.

Finished Colossians before going to Amy and Randy's. Re-read Chapter 3 and then read Chapter 4.

2016/03/26 20:40 Saturday

Happy Easter in advance.

Have received a couple of emails from Samaritan's Purse about the event on March 30th in Carson City. As mentioned before, I will not be attending, even though I will be off work that day and it would be cool to see Franklin Graham in person.

Will be going to Amy and Randy's for dinner tomorrow evening. Will watch the church service webcast, do a run, and then head over to their place. Would prefer to ride rather than run, but will be pressed for time, and can do a good workout in less time by running than by riding. I suppose I could push myself harder while riding, but with the typical slow-moving traffic and the pedestrians around the lake, that is hard to do. Besides, the wind is supposed to kick up tomorrow afternoon.

Read Colossians 3. It had some words of wisdom that I would do well to follow. I haven't been as patient at work as I should be. I haven't lost my temper, but at times I have found myself being irritated by the cluelessness of some people when I am helping them.

2016/03/25 20:05 Friday

Got things ready for tomorrow's work day before the church service webcast. Didn't take the time to read any of the Bible this evening after the service. Need to get to bed.

2016/03/24 21:20 Thursday

Made two lunches this evening so that I won't have to make a lunch tomorrow evening. Also, I will skip going through the email inbox after work tomorrow. Have showered tonight, so I won't have to shower tomorrow night. Am hoping to be able to watch the Good Friday service webcast.

Read only one chapter of Colossians again tonight.

2016/03/23 20:45 Wednesday

One work day down, three to go.

Read just one chapter of Colossians.

2016/03/22 19:15 Tuesday

Rode a whopping 10.56 miles of laps today. It was very windy, and also, for some reason I was having anxiety about being clipped into the pedals, which made it difficult to unclip, and of course, that led to a downward spiral. Haven't had that happen in a long time. Came home and got on the trainer to practice unclipping. Got the motion down, so hopefully that will solve the problem.

Finished Philippians. Philippians 13b-14 is my life verse. Started on Colossians, but was too tired to keep going.

2016/03/21 18:50 Monday

It was too windy to ride again today. Did a run again, and was buffeted about by the wind. Did the same run, but my Garmin Vivosmart HR said the mileage was 5.58 miles yesterday and 6.1 miles today. Also, it kept reporting that I was meeting goals for going up stairs even thought the route was essentially flat. Have emailed Garmin asking if they think the device might be defective. Maybe it was due to solar activity of some kind.

Started spring cleaning today. The annual apartment inspection will likely be in April, and that is coming up soon.

Haven't done any Greek studying the last two days. Too busy.

Read only one chapter of Philippians, Chapter 2, but read it twice. It reminded me of the pastor's comments yesterday that the greatest problem in marriage is selfish independence, and that there needs to be unselfish interdependence. He went on to say that that is also true in the church. The pastor's comments reminded me of something my grandmother said to me when I was in my twenties: She said that I was too independent and strong-willed ever to get married. My response was that I didn't want to get married.

2016/03/20 20:05 Sunday

I hate wind. Didn't ride today because of the wind. I did go for a run, though. Ran to Virginia Lake and did laps. Did 5.58 miles. I was going very slow. My pace was only 10:04 minutes / mile. I used to run fast, but not now.

Read only one chapter of Philippians.

When I get out of debt, or maybe before, I am going to buy a hard copy of the unabridged LSJ Greek Lexicon. I have a hard copy of the intermediate LSJ, but really want the unabridged version. I have both the unabridged and intermediate LSJ versions in my Logos library, but I don't fully trust the people at Logos to have entered all data correctly. I have found a few mistakes, and I don't even use their resources all that much other than reading the Bible on my iPhone.

2016/03/19 21:25 Saturday

Was swamped most of the day at work today, which is unusual for a Saturday.

Finished 1 Kings.

2016/03/18 20:55 Friday

Along the lines of not keeping my big mouth shut, I recall when I was in the fourth grade someone asked the teacher how to spell "whether." He said it was spelled "wether." I corrected him, and he told me I was wrong. I then proceeded to get a dictionary out of a cabinet, looked up "wether," and announced that its definition was a castrated ram. I didn't know what castrated meant. Looked it up, and then I was embarrassed myself.

Am at 1 Kings 20.

2016/03/17 21:15 Thursday

Probably should have kept my big mouth shut instead of correcting the pastor, because I may have offended him. Also, I don't know who reads this blog, and I may have embarrassed him in front of others. I hope that isn't the case.

Am at 1 Kings 16.

2016/03/16 18:40 Wednesday

I hope I don't get thrown in jail for correcting the pastor. Probably should have just kept my big mouth shut.

Had my annual eye exam today. The doctor wanted me to try mono-vision contact lenses. My right eye is for distance, and my left is for closer vision. I don't know if I like it. Will give it a chance, though. Didn't like it at all at first, but am getting used to it.

Rode to and from Costco for the eye exam. The round-trip was 4.84 miles. After that, I did 25.37 miles of laps. Averaged only 14.0 mph. Was taking it easy, and besides, there was a lot of very slow-moving traffic again.

My progress in Greek is slow. Am having difficulty remembering the declensions. My mind isn't nearly as good as it used to be.

Am at Chapter 13 of 1 Kings.

2016/03/15 20:00 Tuesday

I looked up "ion" on my "Dictionary" app. It says the origin is from the Greek neuter present participle of ienai, to go. As to the suffix -ion, it says, "a suffix, appearing in words of Latin origin, denoting action or condition, used in Latin and in English to form nouns from stems of Latin adjectives (communion; union), verbs (legion; opinion), and especially past participles (allusion; creation; fusion; notion; torsion)." The New Shorter Oxford English Dictionary says much the same thing. (I'm drawing a blank, though, on the Greek word they are referencing.) Euangelion is not of Latin origin, nor is it a Latin or English word, and again, it seems to me that the iota is part of the stem, and the -on ending exists because it is a neuter singular nominative. Also, I looked up -ion in Greek Grammar by Herbert Weir Smyth, and it refers to it as a diminutive.

Did just 25.33 miles of laps, as I am cutting down my riding time to make time for studying Greek. Averaged only 14.1 mph. Got stuck behind very slow-moving traffic a lot, and also, the wind picked up after a while, and was eddying so that there was a headwind most of the way around the lake in the direction I was going.

There was a cycling club meeting this evening, but I decided not to go. In the first place, I am not at all social, and I didn't feel up to dealing with people. Just wanted to be alone. In the second place, I wanted more time to study Greek.

Read just one chapter of 1 Kings.

2016/03/14 21:00 Monday

I don't mean to be critical of the pastor, but I question what he asserted about the ending -ion in euangelion. He said it denoted that the good news had impact. However, it seems to me that the iota is part of the stem, and the -on ending exists because it is a neuter singular nominative. Also, I was taught that -ion was a diminutive ending, at least under some circumstances. Consider pais, a child, and paidion, a small child. Maybe in Koine Greek it is different from Attic Greek, or maybe I am just wrong.

Didn't ride today. The gusts were too strong.

Read one chapter of 1 Kings.

2016/03/13 21:00 Sunday

A few corrections: 1. I haven't seen the SLG, so maybe it is correct there, but in the subtitles on the webcast, "judgment" was spelled "judgement." 2. In "euangelion" (my browsers won't display Greek correctly, hence the transliteration), the alpha was left out between the upsilon and the double gamma, the breathing mark was put on the epsilon instead of the upsilon, and the breathing mark should have been smooth instead of rough.

The sermon today inspired me to spend less time riding and to re-learn Attic Greek. Didn't ride at all today due to the wind. Started studying Greek. Am using Attic Greek textbooks, because if one can read Attic Greek, one can read Koine Greek, but being able to read Koine Greek doesn't mean being able to read Attic Greek.

I recall that when I first started studying Greek, I was an atheist. One night, I was laying in bed in a state that was as if I were both asleep and awake. In my mind, I heard a male voice state in Greek, "Deathless is the soul." (I don't know how to transliterate the letter eta, so I am translating.)

Am hoping to be able to ride tomorrow. It will depend on the wind.

Am at 1 Kings 8.

2016/03/12 20:35 Saturday

It is highly likely that I won't be able to ride tomorrow or Monday due to the wind. Don't really want to ride the trainer. Maybe I'll try to clean the apartment.

My left eyebrow has been twitching all day. Strange. Annoying.

Am at 1 Kings 5.

2016/03/11 20:00 Friday

Finished Ephesians and read the first chapter of 1 Kings.

The livestream page of the church website still automatically plays audio of the most recent sermon about 15-20 seconds after going to the page.

2016/03/10 21:00 Thursday

Today wasn't as bad at work. My co-worker was back, so I didn't have to do everything myself, and besides, it wasn't nearly as busy as it was yesterday. Got caught up on much of what was on the back burner.

Read Ephesians 5. In v.29, Paul states, "no one ever hated his own flesh" (NASB95). Paul didn't know me. I loathe my own flesh.

2016/03/09 20:40 Wednesday

Today was a crazy day at work. Was on the go nonstop all day long. Had only one 15-minute break during the entire 12-hour shift. Am supposed to have three 15-minute breaks and a 30-minute lunch. Just as I was getting ready to take my lunch break, which I usually do late in the day, a UPS that is attached to a network switch started sending email alerts that a battery was failing. I was the only one there, as my co-worker had called in sick and my boss had already left. Groan. Didn't take the lunch break. I did eat at my desk during the day while working, though.

Read Chapter 4 of Ephesians. No comment.

2016/03/08 20:55 Tuesday

By the time I started riding, it was cold and windy. I hadn't realized that the temperature had dropped as much as it had, so I wasn't dressed as warmly as I would have liked. Early on, I thought I would cut the ride short, but I went ahead and did 35.94 miles. Averaged only 13.6 mph.

Read two chapters of Ephesians. Forgot to mention last night that I read a chapter after the board meeting.

2016/03/07 21:15 Monday

Slept about 11 hours last night. Got up, had coffee and breakfast, then laid down for an hour to rest before getting ready to ride. While laying there with my mind wandering, it occurred to me that I really don't want to learn to love. I don't want the vulnerability that love carries with it.

Did 35.83 miles of laps. Rode very slowly. Averaged only 12.7 mph. Was very tired.

Went to the cycling club board meeting this evening. Had wanted to ride to the meeting, but was bundled up in rain gear from the recreational ride, and the rain gear left the layers underneath clammy. Didn't want to sit through the meeting that way. It was good that I drove instead of riding, as by the time the meeting was over, I was exhausted and wouldn't have wanted to ride home.

2016/03/06 20:15 Sunday

There is something wrong with the streaming page on the church website. When going to that page, it automatically starts playing audio of last week's sermon after a short while. It plays that in addition to the live stream of the church service. I had to click on "computer" to go to the livestream website instead of watching the stream on the church site.

The sermon didn't really match its title, and the content was poignant to me. It reminded me of what I went through in my legal troubles. I hope it isn't a harbinger of more of that to come.

I usually get ready to ride right after the church service, but today I was even more tired than I typically am, so I laid down to rest for about an hour and fifteen minutes before getting ready to ride. Then I did 35.9 miles of laps. Averaged only 13.2 mph. Was taking it very easy, and it was fairly windy. It wasn't as bad as the forecast was calling for, though, nor as windy as it was in the morning. I was thankful to be able to ride. Speaking of being thankful, I started having hunger pangs before I was done with the ride, and I was thankful to have food waiting for me at home. I am thankful to have a home. I am thankful for a lot of things that most people take for granted. I have had too many disasters in my life to take things for granted.

While riding, I prayed quite a bit. I also contemplated part of the sermon. The pastor asserted that one cannot love Jesus and not love the church. However, I simply cannot trust people enough to love the church. For that matter, I really don't know how to love, so I am not even sure it can be said that I love Christ. I am committed to Him, but I don't sense love. There is too much of a bitter, hard edge to my soul. The damage done in my childhood and throughout my life seems to be irreversible. My soul is tainted. Prayers haven't helped with that. I have prayed that God would fill me with His power, and work in me and through me, but I rarely sense His power of late. It is discouraging.

Read just one chapter of Ephesians.

2016/03/05 20:15 Saturday

Made it through the work week. Three days off coming up. Looking forward to the sermon webcast tomorrow.

Finished Ezra.

2016/03/04 19:50 Friday

Two work days down, one to go. Unfortunately for me, the forecast is calling for lousy weather during my weekend.

Am at Chapter 5 of Ezra.

2016/03/03 20:40 Thursday

Finished Galations and read one chapter of Ezra.

2016/03/02 19:55 Wednesday

Got up early to drop my truck off. The bolts holding the transmission pan were loose and fluid was leaking a bit. Rode home from the auto shop and then rode back to pick up the truck. It was about six and a half miles each way.

Did 35.8 miles of laps at an average speed of only 13.9 mph. Showered, then had dinner with Amy. She spent a lot of time complaining about one of their employees. Rode to and from the restaurant. The total transportation riding for the day was 16.33 miles.

Read just one chapter of Galatians.

Back to work tomorrow. Rats.

2016/03/01 17:35 Tuesday

Rode only 11.67 miles of laps today. It was too windy. When I looked at my iPhone before bailing on the ride, the wind speed was reported at 29 mph with gusts up to 34.

Have to take my truck in to have it checked tomorrow morning. Recently, here has been a burning smell when I have driven to and from work. Have had a burning smell from when the transmission line blew, but that had subsided for the most part. The recent and consistent smell started after I ran over a flat board on the freeway.

Read the first four chapters of Galatians this evening.

Slept about 13 hours last night. Have been up for about seven and a half hours, but am so exhausted that I am going to bed now.