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My purpose is to live for Christ alone.

13bForgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 3:13b-14 (NIV)

For beautiful the prize, and great our hope.

2015/04/26 19:20 Sunday

Slept about 14 hours last night. There just aren't enough hours in the day to sleep that much.

Did 30.68 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Struggled. Was woozy for the last ten miles or so of the ride, but not as woozy as I was on the trainer yesterday. Averaged only 13.8 mph, in part because I didn't have much energy, and in part due to conditions such as moderate wind, slow-moving traffic, and pedestrians.

Have a dentist's appointment tomorrow for the crown prep. As noted before, I will be having the gold alloy crown replaced in case it is leeching copper.

Paid bills today. I pay over $425 for a 90-day supply of the bipolar medication I take. Before Obamacare, I paid only $200 for a 90-day supply. So much for the Affordable Care Act.

Am thankful to be able to watch sermons online.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed. It is past my bedtime.

2015/04/25 18:40 Saturday

Have had a very busy day. Had to take care of some incidents (trouble calls) and user setups early on at work. After that, I made some progress on the BCP before leaving at 11am. On the way home, I stopped by Costco for gas and groceries. Then I washed a load of towels. Had wanted to ride outdoors, but between the wind and the sporadic rain, and the fact that I will have a short weekend this week, I decided to get the shopping done and the towels washed today instead of riding outdoors. I did do a trainer ride, but didn't feel up to snuff. Did only 20 miles and averaged only 15.4 mph. Really struggled, but after finishing, I felt better and felt good about having done at least something of a workout.

This coming week, I will be working Tuesday - Friday instead of Wednesday - Saturday. The reason is that some of us on the Green Team at work will be participating in the KTMB Community Cleanup on Saturday. My boss allows me to adjust my schedule for Green Team events.

I haven't yet decided whether or not to text the newbie cyclist I have mentioned, nor if I should give him samples of what I use for fueling. As I have mentioned, he has developmental disabilities of some sort, and that makes me uncomfortable, especially given that he wants to ask me out even though I told him I am not at all social and don't date.

It is getting late, at least for me. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/04/24 19:40 Friday

Was very busy at work all day, but managed to catch up a little instead of getting buried deeper. Had some bad news, though. There is a guy who has worked for the company as a temp on and off for a long time whom I met when I used to ride the bus to and from work. He has vision problems, so he can't drive, and he rides the bus at times. He got hit by a car when he was walking the other day. He has a broken shoulder, a broken rib, and some cracked ribs. He is in the hospital. I picked up a get well card for him and mailed it right after work.

There is a postal contractor close to where I live, and I walked over there to mail the card. On the way back, I stopped at Eclipse Running and picked up a few single-serve packets of Hammer Gel. The guy I wrote of earlier who rides around the park has no clue about fueling while riding, so I am thinking about giving them to him along with a few servings of Cytomax and Hammer Heed. Also, I have a booklet from Hammer that explains fueling, and if I give him the gels and drink mixes, I will give him the booklet, too. If I decide to do so, I will text him tomorrow and see about meeting him at the park at some point. I want to think it over first, as it could be a mistake.

It is way past my bedtime. Had better get ready for bed asap.

2015/04/23 18:20 Thursday

Was swamped at work today. Am getting frustrated with the workload.

Didn't get around to texting the cyclist. Was planning on doing so at lunch, but was too tired to deal with it. Am too tired now. Maybe I'll do so tomorrow, or maybe not.

Am thoroughly exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/04/22 19:10 Wednesday

Hope kitty survived the apartment inspection. I was at work when they were here, but I know they test the smoke alarms, and their doing so probably traumatized her. Having strangers invade her territory would be bad enough, but the loud noise would be even worse.

The guy with whom I spoke the other day while riding around the park called me this evening. It was stupid of me to give him my phone number when he asked. I didn't answer, and he left voicemail. He said he wanted to ask me out but wouldn't because I told him I don't date. He said that twice. He also said he was feeling down and hoped to hear from me. I'll text him tomorrow and tell him again that I am not social. I will tell him the truth, that is, that human interaction is exceedingly difficult for me to deal with, and working forty hours a week involves about all I can take. I feel a little sorry for him, but not enough to interact with him more than just waving as we pass going opposite directions while riding around the lake. I did pray for him after he left the voicemail.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed. It is past my bedtime.

2015/04/21 17:05 Tuesday

Drove to work this morning instead of riding. Have been woozy all day. Am glad I didn't ride to and from work, as it was very windy as I was driving home.

Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/04/20 18:20 Monday

Took off on the commuter bike this morning to run errands. Needed to pick up some vitamins, have a couple of watch batteries changed, and run by the grocery store to try another brand of cat food for my finicky kitty. I thought the errands would be quick, but I had to go to three different watch places before I could get both batteries changed. On the way to the grocery store, I saw that Eastshore was closed to through traffic, so I knew that riding laps was out. Was very tired, so I didn't want to take out the road bike and get too far from home. Rode the trainer instead. Did 25 miles at a very slow average speed of 15.5 mph. Started feeling woozy at about halfway through, but really wanted to finish the 25 miles, so I stuck it out. I am glad I was able to finish. I'm stubborn. I'd like to think I'm macho, but that might be pushing it.

Might ride to and from work tomorrow. Don't have to be there until 10am. In the morning, I'll check the weather report for the wind forecast. Right now, accuweather is predicting calm winds, but then, right now, they are reporting wind speeds and gusts of only six miles per hour, although the wind is howling outside my apartment.

Am bushed. Off to finish getting ready for bed. Would have gone to bed earlier, but as I was winding down and thinking it was time to get ready for bed, it suddenly occurred to me that I still needed to shower.

2015/04/19 19:35 Sunday

Something the pastor said in today's sermon made me thankful. He spoke of when a pastor buddy of his came to see him and prayed over him when he was in a very bad storm. I am glad he had that prayerful encouragement in the storm.

Had a good ride today. Did 30.65 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 15.1 mph. Had an uncomfortable moment, though. There is a guy I have sometimes seen riding around the park, and he was there today. From the first time I had seen him, I had thought he seemed to have some developmental challenges, and my interaction with him today reinforced that belief. At one point today, he was stopped by the side of the road, bent over, and I stopped to make sure he was okay. He told me his friends wanted him to do a 100-mile ride (America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride, a ride around Lake Tahoe with a spur to Truckee and back), but he didn't think he could do it. Anyway, he saw my Logos Bible Software jersey and asked if I went to church. I told him I used to, but now I just watch sermons online. He invited me to his church. That wasn't the uncomfortable moment, though. Later on, I was stopped while refueling with Hammer Gel, and he stopped to talk. He asked me out. I declined by telling him I am not a social person and I don't go out. I was glad I had told him earlier that I no longer go to church, as then I was able to say that I don't even go to church because I am not social. He took it fairly well.

It was strange that I had a good ride today, as I was very tired before the ride. Slept about 13 hours last night, and then was so tired by the time the sermon was over that I ended up laying down to rest for about an hour before dragging myself out of bed and getting ready to ride.

It is past my bedtime, so I should get ready for bed now. Am just now starting to feel quite tired. Had more energy than usual after the ride.

2015/04/18 16:55 Saturday

Am looking forward to two days off and to the sermon tomorrow. Almost wish I hadn't committed to working the company Earth Day event on Tuesday. At least I'll get to leave work at 11am next Saturday because of working four hours on Tuesday.

Am exhausted beyond measure. Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/04/17 17:55 Friday

Did some cleaning today. Didn't make much progress regarding the clutter, but other than that, the apartment is almost ready. In the past, they have looked mainly for things like dirty stoves and so forth in addition to maintenance issues such as leaky faucets. However, the previous manager retired last week. Hopefully the new manager won't mind the clutter.

Yesterday, in our IT morning meeting, the subject of the possibility of 12-hour workdays was raised by my boss again. I reiterated that I don't want to work 12-hour days, and told him that I had trouble making it home safely when we worked 12-hour days during our last peak season. I could tell it went in one ear and out the other. I also made it a point to say that if we do end up changing our schedules, I still won't want to work Sundays. As is often the case, though, he wasn't really paying attention.

Have had my chamomile tea, and now am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/04/16 17:45 Thursday

The annual apartment inspection will take place this Wednesday. Will be taking the day off from work tomorrow to do some more cleaning. Don't want to deal with it on my weekend, especially since I will be working four hours on Tuesday. I will be going in to help out with the company's Earth Day event. I will then work only six hours the following Saturday.

Forgot the chamomile tea again this evening. Oh, well. I don't think forgetting it last night affected me.

Time to get ready for bed.

2015/04/15 18:15 Wednesday

One work day down. Am exhausted. Forgot to brew chamomile tea to help me drift off to sleep, but that probably won't matter.

Stopped for gas after work, and drove by Virginia Lake on the way home. Saw a large white bird that I think was a type of duck in the road on Lakeside by the park. It had been hit by a car. It might still have been alive. It made me very sad. I called Animal Control as soon as I got home. They already had someone on the way. I put the Animal Control number in my phone so I will be able to call right away if I ever see something like that again.

Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.

2015/04/14 18:35 Tuesday

I am infuriated. Spent hours on the phone with Apple Support today, and while one of the techs was in a remote session on my PC, he had me do something that deleted 210 sermons that I don't think I can recover. They were sermons from the old RSS feed. I had been thinking lately that I should back up my Win7 box, but hadn't done it yet. Too bad I can't contact the church to get the sermons copied onto a flash drive.

After the debacle with Apple, I did 25 miles on the trainer. It was too windy all day to ride outdoors, and besides, by the time I was done with Apple it was late in the afternoon. Almost didn't even ride the trainer because it was so late, but was hoping a workout would put me in a better mood. It helped a little, but not all that much. Averaged 16.9 mph, which isn't all that good given that I was pushing myself.

It is my bedtime, but I am still wound up over losing the sermons, so I don't think I'll be able to sleep any time soon. Will try anyway.

2015/04/13 18:30 Monday

Woke up fairly early; slept only about 11 hours. Drank coffee and ate breakfast, then did a trip to the grocery store on the commuter bike for a few items. After that, I did 30.66 miles of laps around the lake. Averaged 14.5 mph. For the first 22 miles or so, there was hardly any wind. Then it came up very suddenly. One lap, it was calm, but then the next, I was being buffeted about. Had to push myself to keep the average at 14.5 mph. Was glad I didn't start the ride any later than I did.

Did five loads of laundry after the ride. What a pain in the neck.

Read some more in Genesis. I don't understand why God blessed deceitful people.

Am fading fast. Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/04/12 18:20 Sunday

Slept about 14 hours last night. Was still tired when I first got up, but after a while started having more energy. Coffee helps.

After the sermon, I did 30.70 miles of laps around the lake. Averaged only 13.9 mph. It was fairly windy, there was slow-moving traffic, and I just didn't have the legs today to go very fast. Also, I was a bit woozy during the last several miles.

Am hoping that not having any copper in the water I drink will make a difference in my health. I don't know how much copper I have been getting through drinking water, though.

I don't know what to make of the point of the sermon today. For one thing, accusations may be just or unjust. For another, there are accusations in different domains, such as interpersonal or legal. Even though I was a follower of Christ when my mental illness and legal problems arose, there were accusations against me. In the legal domain, those accusations stood. They also stood in terms of my not being allowed in the church from which I am in exile, and they stand to this day, unless something has changed without my knowledge. In any case, I am not going to test the waters.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed. Am hoping to wake up early enough to do a ride before the wind gets too stiff tomorrow.

2015/04/11 17:35 Saturday

My weekend is here at last. Am too tired to celebrate that, though. I read that if a person has copper toxicity, they feel worse for a while when they start taking supplements to flush out the copper. Am hoping that is the case with my getting a little worse lately.

Unpacked the ZeroWater filtration system after work. If there is copper in the apartment water, that will filter it out.

Hope kitty has gotten tired of yet another brand of cat food. Will get her a different brand tomorrow or Monday.

Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/04/10 17:25 Friday

Three down, one to go. Was busy all day. Saturdays are usually slower, so maybe I'll get caught up on some things. However, I will be the only one in IT working tomorrow, as the other person who normally works Saturdays took a week of vacation this week. I will need to schedule some vacation time soon myself, partly because I need to burn some vacation time and partly because I would very much like to be away from work for a while. Can't do it before May 15th, though, as we are having a scheduled power outage on that day and I still have work to do on the BCP. The BCP is used for scheduled outages as well as unscheduled.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am utterly exhausted.

2015/04/09 18:30 Thursday

Two work days down, two to go. The workflow was just steady this morning, but I ended up being really busy in the afternoon. More often, it is the other way around: busier in the morning with it tapering off in the afternoon.

I read that a local cyclist was killed yesterday morning in a car wreck while she was driving to a race. I didn't know her, but I had heard her name before. Sad.

2015/04/08 17:50 Wednesday

One work day down; three to go. It wasn't all that busy this morning, but then we got slammed with problems toward the end of the day.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am bushed.

2015/04/07 18:05 Tuesday

Some of what I read in the Bible shocks me. Lot's daughters got him drunk for the purpose of having him father children by them. Abraham and Isaac both lied and claimed their wives were their sisters. Esau sold his birthright for a bowl of stew. Jacob impersonated Esau at Rebekah's bidding. There may be even more that slips my mind at the moment.

Had a dental cleaning appointment this morning. While there, I made an appointment to have a gold molar crown replaced in case it has copper that is leaching. Also on the subject of copper, I have ordered a ZeroWater filtration system. Googled water filters, and found that the Pur filters I have been using filter only about 27% of copper, and don't do much better on other elements. ZeroWater filters filter 99.1% of copper, and also filter other elements at roughly that percentage. I don't know for sure that copper toxicity is causing my health problems, but it is worth it to limit my copper intake and see if that helps. I would go to my doctor to have tests run, but I have read that the tests are typically fairly inconclusive.

After the dental appointment, I did a trainer ride. Wanted to ride outdoors, but I was short on time, and the weather was looking threatening. I'll ride in the cold, but riding in cold rain doesn't appeal to me. As it turned out, it rained for a bit and then snowed for a while. Anyway, I did 25 miles on the trainer. Pushed myself more than I have been, especially for the last few miles. Averaged 17.0 mph.

Am going to hit the sack soon. Slept late this morning, as I got to bed late last night (about 8:45pm) because of the club board meeting. I've been up for only about ten hours, but will need to be up in about 9 1/2 hours to get ready for work. Hopefully I will fall asleep before long.

2015/04/06 16:15 Monday

Read in the Bible for a while this morning, then went back to bed for about an hour. Then I did some cleaning and ran some errands.

Wanted to ride outdoors today, but I drove by the park on the way home from the errands and saw that Eastshore was closed to through traffic because of construction. Thought about taking the road bike out to Verdi and back, but decided against it. I was struggling on the trainer yesterday, and my legs have been tired and unsteady. Just don't want to push my luck by getting too far from home. Did 25 miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.2 mph. Pushed myself during the last several miles, or the average would have been even slower.

Made a change to this file today. Copied it to an archive file that is accessible through a link near the top of this page, and cut this file way down in size to lessen the amount of data needing to be transferred to read the recent posts.

Regarding having encounters with Jesus, I assume the pastor meant more by that than merely praying. I do pray, but of late that hasn't qualified as having encounters with Jesus. My heart is just too hard.

There is a cycling club board meeting this evening. More and more, I think about resigning from the board. The club doesn't add anything of value to my life.

Will read the Bible for about 45 minutes and then go to the meeting.

2015/04/05 16:40 Sunday

Hope it has been a blessed Easter.

It was too windy to ride outdoors today. Rode 25 miles on the trainer before the church service. Averaged only 15.4 mph. Slept about 12 hours last night, and went back to bed for an hour or so after the service. Read in the Bible for about an hour this afternoon. I find parts of Genesis to be confusing.

Maybe encounters with Christ would soften my heart.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/04/04 17:00 Saturday

When I told my boss yesterday that I didn't see how I would be able to work 12-hour days, he seemed very taken aback despite my having mentioned to him on a number of occasions that I have problems with exhaustion.

Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/04/03 18:10 Friday

My boss has raised the possibility that we might start working 12-hour days sometime in the late summer or early fall. We would work three 12-hour days one week and then four 12-hour days the next. I told him that if my health didn't improve, I didn't see how I would be able to work 12-hour days. I am having enough trouble with ten-hour days.

Went to Costco after work. I was expecting it to be packed since they are closed on Sunday, but it wasn't bad. However, the downstairs neighbor went in the early afternoon, and it was so packed that she didn't even stay to do her shopping.

Should shower tonight, but am too tired. Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/04/02 17:15 Thursday

Looks like the weather will be rather unpleasant on my days off this weekend: windy, chilly, and a chance of rain. Will probably either ride the trainer or run. The wind would be the main problem for riding a bike.

Two work days down, two to go. Thankfully, the temporary guy works Monday - Thursday, so I won't have to deal with him for the next two days. He really slows down the process of getting things done.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am bushed.

2015/04/01 18:30 Wednesday

Managed to stay upright in the shower despite having unsteady legs. Was too tired to shower, but had to anyway because I didn't yesterday.

I have read that when people first start taking supplements to lower copper levels, sometimes they feel worse for a while because of the copper being flushed out of the organs.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/03/31 17:20 Tuesday

Got up early this morning so I would be able to ride before having lunch with Amy at 2pm. Drank coffee and ate breakfast, and then was on the road by 9:30am. It was already windy, and that slowed me way down. There were some really brutal gusts. According to the accuweather app, by the time I finished the wind speed was 22 mph with gusts up to 28 mph. Did 30.58 miles with an average speed of only 13.0 mph. Besides the wind issue, I was tired, which didn't make for a fast ride.

While riding, I prayed, as usual. One thing I asked God was if it is a sin not to love. I don't know, but I suspect it is. Also, I do think it is a sin that I lose patience with people. I typically don't show it, but I do lose my temper.

Survived the lunch with Amy. She is taking a month off from work, and she wants to spend more time with me. When the opportunity arose, I told her I am a loner. She kept trying to convince me that I am not and provided examples of how I interact with people. I told her more than once that I fake it well. She told me that I need to be around people. I pointed out that I spend 40 hours a week around people, and that it is really hard on me. I was walking a thin line, as I didn't want to hurt her feelings, but I wanted her to get the point that I am indeed a loner and need time alone.

Just got home from an ENT appointment. Am too tired to shower. I should, because the last time I showered was Monday morning, and I have done two rides since then. Just can't do it, though. Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/03/30 18:15 Monday

What a pain in the neck! I received a notice from the United States Census Bureau stating that I was required by law to complete the American Community Survey. They estimated it would take about 40 minutes. I didn't time it, but it did take quite a while. I even had to look up my interest income for the year. It came to about $11.50, which is what I expected and which is a trivial amount, but the instructions said to include it even if it was a small amount. I cheated a little on reporting my income; it asked for my income over the last 12 months, but instead of adding up my last 24 paycheck amounts, I went by the amount on my 2014 W2.

Rode laps around the park on the commuter bike again today. Didn't feel up to taking the chance on riding to Verdi. Did 30.65 miles at an average speed of 14.4 mph. Got caught behind slow-moving traffic quite a few times. While riding and praying, I tried to come to terms with the hardness of my heart. The mere mention of the word "love" makes me cringe, and I just cannot get motivated to change. The thought occurred to me that life isn't so bad without love. At that thought, I felt better about life. Continued to feel better about life from that point on during the rest of the day. Beta endorphins help.

Will be getting up fairly early tomorrow to ride earlier than usual. Amy has been wanting to go to lunch, and although I don't want to socialize, I agreed. It is just as well that I will be riding in the morning, as the wind is supposed to pick up in the early afternoon.

Was about to get ready for bed when I thought to do Bible study. Started with Genesis in the NASB95 and read for a little over half an hour. That's not much, but it is a start. Now am off to get ready for bed.

2015/03/29 19:15 Sunday

Hope kitty tried to make a run for it yesterday. When I came in the front door, she peered outside. I didn't shut the door right away, as I didn't want to shove her out of the way. Suddenly, she started to take off. I caught her by the hindquarters; thankfully, I have quick reactions.

The Seagate external hard drive I was using to back up my Linux box bit the dust a week or so ago. I picked up a Western Digital external drive a few days ago and put it in place today. Linux didn't mount it automatically, so I had to add it to the file that controls the mounting of filesystems. Now it is up and running.

Have been feeling better today. Woke up after only about ten hours of sleep, and have had much more energy than usual. This morning, I picked up some more supplements. I also put together my new vacuum cleaner and vacuumed part of the apartment. (My old vacuum cleaner is something else that bit the dust recently.) Ran out of time before the sermon, so I didn't finish the vacuuming.

Some of the songs in today's church service were poignant. As always, it was a blessing to watch the service online.

After the sermon, I did a ride. Rode 30.68 miles of laps around the lake. Averaged 14.8 mph despite getting stuck behind slow-moving traffic every now and then. Am thinking I might ride the road bike out to Verdi tomorrow, depending on how I feel. As usual, I had some prayer time during today's ride.

Started doing some Bible study in Logos a bit ago, but didn't get far. Have run out of steam. Am off to bed.

2015/03/28 18:40 Saturday

Had a productive day at work today. Made updates to the BCP and published a new version. Saturdays are good for getting projects done.

Did some more research on copper overload. Zinc gluconate is recommended. I looked at the zinc I bought the other day to see if it was zinc gluconate, and discovered that what I bought has copper. I didn't look at it before I bought it; I just told the guy I wanted zinc for possible copper overload, and that is what he handed me. Will go somewhere else tomorrow and get some zinc gluconate without copper.

Am utterly exhausted. Am so tired my head is spinning. Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/03/27 18:50 Friday

The last three days at work have been very trying. The temp worker I've been training is unable to grasp some very basic concepts. Also, when he takes notes, he writes down everything in very minute detail, which means it takes excruciatingly long to do basic tasks that I would otherwise be able to do quickly. His IT background is in the military, and apparently he never had to learn anything, because he says they had SOP documents that gave detailed instructions on how to do every step of whatever they were doing. Thankfully, he won't be working Saturdays, so tomorrow I will have a break from working with him. I am hoping he won't be hired as a permanent associate. I will be putting in my two cents' worth to try to prevent that from happening. He is trying to get into a military IT school, so he might not even want the job permanently anyway.

Sorry about the gripe session. Sometimes I just can't help myself.

The neurologist wanted me to call him in a week and a half or two weeks to get the results of the labwork. I was going to call him today, but didn't find the time. However, I received an email from LabCorp saying my results were available online, so I looked at them. The levels on the three tests all came back in the normal range, so it appears I do not have myasthenia gravis. That is good news, but on the other hand, I still don't have a diagnosis as to what is causing the exhaustion. I am hoping against hope that the problem is copper toxicity and that the supplements I picked up yesterday will solve the problem. I am also going to pick up a couple of other supplements during my weekend that might be helpful.

Am bushed. Off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/03/26 17:30 Thursday

Picked up some vitamin and mineral supplements after work. From what I've read, it could take a month or so to notice a difference.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed. Am really exhausted.

2015/03/25 19:35 Wednesday

Felt quite incompetent at work today. Problems just kept coming up that had me out of my comfort zone. Also, I was training a guy who will be working with us as a temp while some people are on vacation. The extra human interaction was a distraction. Besides, I just wasn't functioning at a very high level. For example, I realized about an hour before it was time to go that I hadn't put on my radio all day.

As I was leaving, the woman in the office next to mine handed me a magazine with an article about copper toxicity. She said quite a bit in the article was relevant to my symptoms. I recall now that a doctor raised that as a possibility early on when I first starting experiencing the symptoms. I don't know if he ruled that out, but I don't think he did. That is the doctor who is now deceased. I haven't read the article, as I left it at work, but I did a google search at home and it does seem possible that the issues I have been facing might be due to copper toxicity. Will be going after work tomorrow to get some vitamin and mineral supplements that might help. It's worth a try. I might go to my doctor, but am going to try supplements on my own first.

2015/03/24 16:00 Tuesday

The day started off badly, but got better. Was supposed to go to lunch with Amy, so I set an alarm and got up early to ride before lunch. Got cold-weather gear on and headed for the park. Unfortunately, Eastshore was closed by the construction company. Could have done loops by riding Brinkby to Plumas to Plumb to Lakeside and back to Brinkby, but didn't want to deal with riding on Plumas. Came home and rode the trainer. Did 25 miles. Averaged only 15.6 mph. Didn't have much energy. Was in a bad mood for the first eight miles or so because of having to get up early, and because I really didn't want to go out for lunch. Social interaction is not for me. At about eight miles into the ride, though, the endorphins kicked in, and the bad mood dissipated some. Not long after I finished the ride, Amy called and cancelled because someone at the shop went home sick. I was glad that I wouldn't have to deal with human interaction after all. Also, that gave me more time to clean the kitchen in preparation for the annual inspection.

Was planning on contemplating the situation regarding my hardness of heart during the ride this morning, but since I rode the trainer, I listened to sermons. It makes the time go by faster. Then, I was going to walk around the lake a few times to give myself contemplative time, but was too tired by the time I finished cleaning the kitchen.

By the way, on the night of April 14th, there will be an outage of the server my websites are hosted on. Won't affect me; I'll be in bed. It should be over by morning.

Back to work tomorrow, unfortunately. The five days of time off went by too quickly. Sleeping 12 - 15 hours a night doesn't leave much time during the day.

Am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed even though it is just now 4pm.

2015/03/23 18:15 Monday

By the time I got up this morning, it was already very windy. Wasn't sure about riding outdoors, but ended up doing so. Between the wind and not having much energy or motivation to push myself, my average speed was a very slow 13.2 mph. Did 30.60 miles.

Forgot to mention that a few days ago, maybe Friday or Saturday, I saw someone running at the park that might have been someone I remember from the church. Thought about stopping to ask him if he was whom I thought he was, but decided against it. It wouldn't have accomplished anything, and would have been awkward.

Slept late this morning, and then after a while, went back to bed to rest for an hour and a half or so. While laying in bed resting, I pondered the hardness of my heart. According to yesterday's sermon, the first step in overcoming it would be to have a healthy dissatisfaction with it. Wasn't able to muster that. I was thinking that I have completely lost the ability to love with my heart, and despite yesterday's sermon, I didn't have any desire to change that. Nonetheless, I resolved to contemplate the matter while riding. Throughout the ride, I was struggling with it. At one point, I managed to take the pastor's advice and surrender to Christ in a manner that allowed me to experience His presence. That experience affected my heart, although it was fairly brief. As I write this, I am struggling again. I don't want to let go of the protection that hardness of heart provides.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/03/22 18:40 Sunday

Got up early enough to ride before the sermon, but didn't stay up for more than a few minutes. Was tired and unsteady. Went back to bed. Didn't fall back asleep, but stayed in bed and rested for a while. Before the sermon, I picked up some clutter, and then paid bills. Between the tax return and the overtime pay, I made some progress this month.

Was able to understand the worship leader much better this morning, thankfully. Something that irritated me was that while the worship leader was praying, the guitar player with the long hair and beard wasn't paying attention to the prayer. A few times while the worship leader was speaking and praying, the guitar player made a signal to someone else, and nodded and smiled to someone. It was bad enough that he did that while the worship leader was speaking, but it was very bad that he did it during the prayer.

After the service, I did a ride. It was windy, but not as bad as yesterday. Yesterday, when going up the short hill on Eastshore to make the right turn onto Lakeside, I was concerned about the possibility of being blown over before I could get unclipped from the pedal. Today, that wasn't an issue. Did 30.72 miles. Averaged only 13.6 mph. Between the wind, slow-moving traffic, and not having much steam, the average was slow.

As always, it was a blessing to be able to watch the church service online. Gave thought to it during the ride.

Am bushed. Off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/03/21 17:05 Saturday

Egads, it was windy during today's ride. According to the accuweather app, the wind speed was 21 mph with gusts up to 26 mph. Thought about quitting early and coming home to ride the trainer. Made it to 30.64 miles, though. Averaged only 13.6 mph. Even Hammer Gel couldn't save the day.

It is supposed to be windy again tomorrow afternoon. Might ride in the morning before the sermon, if I can get up early enough.

Did laundry this morning, then showered, then went to Costco, and then rode. That was a full day. Didn't get anything done in the way of cleaning.

Looked at tomorrow's SLG. Am looking forward to the sermon. The SLG material covers my life verse, which is Philippians 3:13b-14.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/03/20 16:50 Friday

Did 30.64 miles of laps around the lake on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.9 mph. Was taking it easy. I did end up picking up the pace after 15 miles or so. At about 15 miles, I always have a serving of Hammer Gel. I've noticed that after I have it, I always end up going faster. Maybe it is a coincidence, or maybe it really does give me more energy. I have mentioned sports gels before, and noted that they are really more like a syrup. To clarify, they are indeed like a syrup, but a thick one.

Got the bathroom cleaning out of the way this morning. Also did some odds and ends chores. Shopped online for a vacuum cleaner, too. My current one doesn't work very well, and the switch has gone bad. Will order one on Sunday when a discount card I have takes effect.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/03/19 17:25 Thursday

Decided to take tomorrow and Saturday off from work. Need extra time to do spring cleaning before the annual apartment inspection. It probably won't be until mid-April, but because of scheduling at work, I won't be able to take any other time off in the next few weeks. My apartment is a pigsty, so I have a lot of work to do.

Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/03/18 18:05 Wednesday

On yesterday's ride, my Garmin GPS cycling computer malfunctioned for a time. It paused and restarted a few times, and then for a while registered about ten mph slower than the regular cycling computer I also have. I wondered if it might be due to a solar storm, and apparently it was.

Shouldn't have gone to the cycling club meeting last night. Got to bed late (about 9:15pm) because of it, and besides, I don't like meetings because I am not social. Might quit the cycling club board one of these days.

Had a haircut appointment after work, unfortunately. Wanted to come straight home from work. Am utterly bushed. Went ahead and skimmed the news and deleted the spam emails in my inbox, though. Am off to get ready for bed now.

2015/03/17 15:40 Tuesday

More on the worship leader's comments last Sunday: I did hear him say something to the effect that some people have the "gift" of discouragement, and when he was speaking of the problems he has had with his voice, it sounded as though he was saying he didn't take his voice for granted because of those problems. I suppose I am guilty of having the discouragement gift.

Last night, as I was laying in bed waiting to fall asleep, an illustration that the pastor used hit home. It made me consider the fact that I have a heart made of stone. There are a few people for whom I care deeply, but I care for them with my head, not my heart. There is a difference; every now and then I experience fleeting feelings of love that I would say are from the heart, but they are few and far between. While riding today, I prayed about that situation, and confessed to God that I really don't care that I have a stone heart. In my life, having emotions has always resulted in exceedingly painful experiences, from my earliest memories onward. I am glad I no longer have emotions.

Did 30.85 miles of laps around the lake on the commuter bike. Averaged only 14.1 mph. Got slowed down by a lot of construction traffic for the first several miles.

Off to get the bloodwork done. Then I will be coming back home for a short time before I leave for the cycling club meeting.

2015/03/16 17:25 Monday

Went to the neurologist's office this morning. He doesn't think I have myasthenia gravis, but he ordered labwork just in case. Will be getting that done tomorrow afternoon.

Did 30.74 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Was tired from not having enough sleep due to getting up fairly early to drink coffee before the doctor's appointment, so I was planning on taking it easy. Followed through with that plan for a while, but then the wind came up. Didn't want my average speed to be really slow, so I fought the wind and ended up picking up the pace some. The final average speed was 14.1 mph, which isn't fast, but not too bad given the wind and my being tired. As usual, I spent some time in prayer during the ride.

I mentioned yesterday that I had trouble understanding some of what the worship leader was saying, in part due to the keyboard music drowning out his voice. I think another factor might be that he puts his mouth right up to the microphone, which seems to somehow muffle what he is saying.

There is a cycling club general membership meeting tomorrow evening. Am going to try to attend. The presenter will be talking about a ride he did recently in the Middle East.

Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/03/15 18:30 Sunday

My sleep was restless last night starting at about 3am. Spent some time in prayer while laying in bed trying to get back to sleep.

Had trouble understanding what the worship leader was saying in today's church service. One reason was that the keyboard was being played while he was speaking, and that drowned out his voice. I was disappointed that I couldn't understand part of what he said.

The pastor may rest assured that I will not reach out to him or anyone in his church. Just can't take that risk. If he were to contact me, that would be different, but I cannot initiate contact.

After the service, I did 30.67 miles of laps around the lake on the commuter bike. The ride started out well, but after a while the wind came up and I started struggling because of that. At about 20 miles into the ride, it was so windy that I thought about quitting. Was determined to finish, though, so I hung on. Prayed during the ride, including prayers that I would be able to finish the ride without crashing because of the strong winds. At least the wind was fairly steady and not all that gusty. Gusts are always difficult to handle, as the unexpected change in wind throws balance off. Was averaging 14.1 mph for a while into the ride before the wind was bad, but the final average was only 13.6 mph.

It is getting late. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/03/14 19:25 Saturday

Happy pi day.

Was tired after work, but not exhausted, so I did a short ride. Rode 15.86 miles of laps around the lake on the commuter bike. Took it slow, as I didn't want to wear myself out. Averaged only 13.7 mph. Spent some time in prayer, including giving thanks that I have been feeling a little better lately.

I always stop for pedestrians if they are waiting to cross the street, and they typically thank me. It occurred to me today that in addition to saying "You're welcome," I could also say "God bless." Started doing that on this afternoon's ride, and will continue to do so.

It is past my bedtime. Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/03/13 17:55 Friday

Only one more day in the work week.

Can't think of anything worth writing. Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/03/12 18:45 Thursday

Halfway through the work week. Yippee. Maybe I'll leave early on Saturday and do a short ride after work. I keep thinking I will, but I don't actually do it. It is hard to justify leaving early when I have so much work to do.

Have been doing a little better today than usual, healthwise. The legs were a little unsteady this morning one time after riding a trike, but other than that, I've been holding up relatively well. Am tired, of course, but not as tired as yesterday.

I was afraid that after riding on my three days off, and pushing myself more than usual one day, I would be in very bad shape during the work week, especially since my eyelid seemed to be drooping the last two days I rode. Am thankful that I haven't been feeling worse than I have.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/03/11 17:10 Wednesday

Made it through the work day. One down, three to go. We are going back to our regular schedules instead of working an overtime day every other week. It was hard working five ten-hour days, but I wish we were still doing it because I could definitely use the money.

I wonder about Romans 8:29 where it states that some are predestined to become conformed to the image of God's Son. There is a substantial difference between what is expected of the Christian male and the Christian female, at least culturally, and thus it seems strange to expect a Christian female to be conformed to the image of Christ, a male. In addition to expectations, the typical female just doesn't behave like a male or have the attitude of a male. Am too tired to state the case as well as I would like, but perhaps the point is made.

Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.

2015/03/10 18:35 Tuesday

Almost didn't ride today because I was tired, but decided to go ahead and ride but take it easy. Averaged 14.0 mph for the 30.69 miles of laps around the lake on the commuter bike. Spent a lot of time alone with God while riding. It is easier to focus on my relationship with God when taking it easy.

Almost from the start of the ride, my left eyelid felt like it was drooping. Also, for a short time my left arm felt as though it didn't want to work right. However, the arm issue could have been from my having had a very stiff neck early on in the ride.

Haven't adjusted to daylight saving time yet, as I have slept in every day since it started. It is going to be hard to get up tomorrow morning at 3:30am.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed.

2015/03/09 17:10 Monday

Had a good ride again today. Pushed myself somewhat, and averaged 15.2 mph. Did 30.69 miles of laps around the lake. Had cars pull out in front of me four times, but managed to avoid collisions. At about ten miles, my left eyelid started feeling like it was drooping, but my legs felt okay, so I finished the 30+ miles. Had thought about riding the road bike out to Verdi and back today, but am glad I didn't. Had I done so, I would have turned back toward home as a precautionary measure when the eyelid started drooping. As it was, since I was staying so close to home, I kept going. Spent some time in prayer during the ride, but not as much as I would like. Was fairly brain-dead. A couple of things I prayed about were to give thanks for the guidance provided by the sermons I watch, and to pray for healing for the pastor.

After the ride, I did some Bible study, then laid down for a while. Spent about 45 minutes resting and praying. My mind wandered, but I did have some good time alone with God.

Will be taking my friend Dan out to dinner tonight. His birthday is tomorrow.

2015/03/08 18:10 Sunday

A few sermons ago, the pastor exhorted, "Purpose to get back on track with God." That is something I need, and want, to do.

Slept about 14 hours last night, even taking into account the time change. Was up in plenty of time for the church service, though. Had heard the outline and all of the sermon illustrations before (except the part about the table specifically), but it was still, as always, a blessing to hear the sermon. I hope the gentleman who had the medical crisis during the service will be okay. Have prayed for him.

Did a ride after the sermon. I was concerned that riding on the road would be a mistake, but I did it anyway. Had a pleasant surprise. Did just fine on the ride, thank the Lord. Rode 30.53 miles of laps around the lake on the commuter bike. Averaged 14.6 mph despite getting stuck behind slow-moving traffic quite a few times and also being extra cautious going down the hill by the playground because there were so many people around. At one point, maybe ten miles into the ride, I went from a 14.1 mph average to a 13.9 mph average in about three-quarters of a mile because the line of cars I was behind was going very slowly and there was no opportunity to pass. The final average speed was decent even though I didn't push myself to speak of. Had a tense moment at one point. Was going down the hill at about 17 mph when two boys ran right out in front of me in the process of crossing the street. I didn't see them until they were in the street, as they darted out from in front of a parked SUV. Was able to slam on the brakes in time to avoid hitting them and to unclip quickly enough to avoid crashing, thankfully. Spent some time in prayer on the ride.

There were some people with a religious display at the park, at the corner of Eastshore and Lakeside. One of the signs said, "What does the Bible really teach?" I was afraid to stop, for fear they were Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses. I just kept riding by in my Logos Bible Software jersey.

Am fading fast. Am off to get ready for bed.

2015/03/07 17:10 Saturday

The work week is over, thankfully. My mind has been saying, "Ride," to celebrate the end of the work week, but my body is saying, "Go to bed." Am off to get ready for bed now.

2015/03/06 19:25 Friday

One more work day, then three days off. Don't know if I will be able to ride on my weekend, at least not on the road. When I ride the trikes at work, my legs are weak and unsteady when I stop, even though little exertion is involved. Maybe I'll be able to ride the trainer over the weekend.

The ride I did on February 16th was the best ride I have had in a long time, but it has been a downward spiral since then. I hope the neurologist can help.

Finally finished typing up the cycling club board meeting notes and got them emailed out. Am glad to have gotten that out of the way, and am glad that I don't have that responsibility any more.

Am looking forward to the church service on Sunday. Have looked at the SLG. The outline is the same as at least one previous sermon on that passage, but am looking forward to it nonetheless.

Have showered, and now had better finish getting ready for bed asap.

2015/03/05 18:45 Thursday

The legs were still unsteady today, but not as badly as they have been. Had some frustrations at work, but got some tasks off my plate, and that made up for the frustrations. Seriously, I don't know how some people are able to do their jobs, given the types of things they need help with. Left work in a fairly good mood, but then got stuck for several miles behind a co-worker who was driving 63 mph in the fast lane. That shattered my good mood. Coming home to Hope kitty helped, though.

Will be getting to bed later than I would like again this evening, as I have still been working on typing up the cycling club board meeting minutes. Am almost done, but just cannot finish them tonight. Really need to get to bed asap.

2015/03/04 19:05 Wednesday

The legs are still unsteady. Had a frustrating day at work. Am getting to bed later than I would like, as I did some work on typing up the board meeting minutes this evening, and then had to shower. Didn't finish the minutes. Maybe tomorrow. That's all the groaning I have for this evening. I should look at the bright side. I didn't fall down in the shower despite being unsteady.

I recall that the pastor has said in at least one sermon that we shouldn't ask, "Why me?" but rather, "Why not me?" Right now, that isn't any comfort.

2015/03/03 17:15 Tuesday

Made it through the work day. One down, four to go.

The legs have been unsteady again today. Two more weeks, and then I will see the neurologist. Am hoping he will be able to shed some light on my health problems, and especially that he will be able to resolve them.

Need to get the cycling club board meeting minutes out in a few days, but am too tired to start typing them up this evening. Also, there is good news on that front. Someone else was willing to take over the Recording Secretary position, so she will be doing that starting next meeting and I will be taking her position as an alternate board member. Am not sure I want to be on the board at all, truth be told.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am so tired I am woozy.

2015/03/02 16:40 Monday

My legs have been unsteady again today, so I rode the trainer instead of riding outdoors. At least I have a trainer so that I can do a workout on days like today. Did 25 miles at an average speed of 16.5 mph. Didn't really push myself, but didn't take it as easy as yesterday, either.

While riding the trainer, I was listening to sermons, as usual. The pastor mentioned his neurologist, and it turns out that his neurologist is the same one that my doctor referred me to. I will be seeing Dr. Louie at 9:15am on March 16th.

Have to work tomorrow. For now, we are still working an extra day every other week.

Have a cycling club board meeting this evening, so I will be getting to bed late. I am now the recording secretary. Since I have to work tomorrow, it will be a few days until I will be able to get the minutes out.

I am thankful that my pastor guided me patiently toward the surrender of my life to Christ, and that I took that step before things fell apart. I am also thankful for the guidance that I get from watching the church services online.

2015/03/01 16:35 Sunday

Put another 4 GB of RAM in my Windows 7 box this morning. Had a bit of a scare after that, as the system wasn't recognizing the hard drive. Opened the case back up and realized that I had knocked the power connector out of the hard drive. Now have a total of 8 GB of RAM, which is as much as the system board supports. I built the computer quite a while ago, so it isn't an up-to-date system. Am hoping the extra 4 GB will speed it up some. Logos does seem to be running a little faster.

Woke up this morning after only about 9 1/2 hours of sleep. Tried to go back to sleep, but thoughts of work were running through my mind, so I gave up and got out of bed.

It is always a blessing to be able to watch the church services online. I am thankful for that.

After the service, I laid down to rest for about half an hour. After that, I did 25 miles on the trainer. Riding outdoors would have been risky, due to fatigue and balance issues. It was a good decision not to ride outdoors, as I was feeling unsteady even on the trainer. Averaged only 15.7 mph, as I wanted to take it easy.

In the sermon today, the pastor made some points that I would do well to contemplate and remember.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed. It is early, but I am tired.

2015/02/28 20:05 Saturday

What a day to work the later shift.... The reason someone has to work late on Saturdays is to run the process that kicks off the jobs that create the media that the third shift people print. I ran the process at 4:30pm, and figured everything would take about 15 minutes, as usual. However, a job failed, and the IT people in the home office didn't get the job to run successfully until almost 7pm. I was supposed to leave at 5:30, but had to stay until the print files were generated. It was nerve-wracking driving home, as I was really too tired to be on the road.

Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.

2015/02/27 17:40 Friday

Today is my Christian birthday. Sixteen years ago today, my pastor, the shepherd man, led me in a prayer dedicating my life to Christ. A lot has transpired since then.

I wanted to take today and tomorrow off from work to commemorate the day, but there is too much to be done at work, and besides, I have to work the later shift tomorrow to cover for someone who will need to leave early.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am exhausted.