This site is currently under construction.

Click here for posts from 2010/06/14 to present

My purpose is to live for Christ alone.

13bForgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 3:13b-14 (NIV)

For beautiful the prize, and great our hope.

2016/08/25 21:30 Thursday

The work day today was worse than yesterday. At least the headache I had toward the end of the day today wasn't as bad as the one I had yesterday, and it subsided a while after I got home.

A police officer returned my call today. The driver has insurance, and he has been cited for DUI, although they haven't gotten the tests back yet. I'll be filing a claim. So far, I'm out about $400, not including the doctor's office visit. That isn't much, given the circumstances. Maybe I should get an attorney and sue him for pain and suffering. Don't want to deal with a trial, though.

After two days back at work, I am close to wishing that I had been killed when I got hit. I'm trying to keep in mind that as close a call as it was, God must have had some reason for keeping me alive.

Tried to read Proverbs 29, but the headache started coming back. Am just too tired. It is past my bedtime, but life makes demands.

2016/08/24 20:50 Wednesday

Am fed up with my job. We are too short-handed. I have a concussion, but was on the go non-stop today when I should have been taking it slow.

Read Proverbs 28. Proverbs gives me hope that eventually I will have justice regarding my job and the personnel issues, if only in the next world.

2016/08/23 20:00 Tuesday

It has been an up-and-down day. I am emotionally drained. My soul is wounded. I am grabbing ahold of God for dear life.

First, I saw the ex-brother-in-law, Chuck, who lives here this morning. He is looking very fragile, and I couldn't pin him down very well on the prognosis of the leukemia. Only a few tears escaped my eyes while we were talking, as I was trying to be strong. When I got home, though, the pain hit full-force. I did ask him if he believes in God, and he said yes. He told me he was very religious when he was younger, but then fell away for a time. I told him I just wanted to make sure he was saved. I also told him I was praying hard for him, and he told me that one thing that keeps him from giving up at times is knowing that people are praying for him. I'm going back and forth between struggling with God over his condition and begging God for mercy for him.

This afternoon, I took Hope to the vet to have a spot on her chin checked out. It had scabbed up a couple of times, and then the scab would come off. I was afraid she might have cancer, and was very relieved when the vet told me that it was acne. I was so relieved that it felt as though my knees were going to buckle. He gave her an antibiotic shot that will last a while so that I won't have to give her pills. While I was there, I told him about my getting hit by the car. He is a cyclist too, and he was shocked that something like that would happen at Virginia Lake. He rides by Virginia Lake on the way home from work. He was glad that I am okay.

Before I left for the vet's office, I emailed my other ex-brother-in-law, who lives in Vegas. I told him about Chuck's condition and my being hit, and gave him an update on my fatigue. When I got back from the vet's, I found an email from him saying that he had bad news too. He had a GI bleed in early July, and it turned out he had a stomach tumor. It was removed on August 9th. Thank God it was benign. He was under the knife for four hours, and spent four days recovering in the hospital. He is better now, except for a nagging staph infection on part of the incision. He is an amateur triathlete, but it will be a while before he will be able to work out again. They had to cut his ab muscles in half and sew them back together.

Read Proverbs 27.

2016/08/22 17:20 Monday

While I was praying this morning about the fact that I had recommitted my life to Christ on Monday night and then got hit by a car on Wednesday, something the pastor said in a recent sermon came to mind. He said that the saved no longer have to face God's wrath, but do have to face the wrath of Satan and of man.

Read Proverbs 26.

2016/08/21 20:45 Sunday

Have had very bad insomnia since the crash. Thought maybe it was due to the Tylenol, so I did some research. Found that it can cause insomnia. Also found that it isn't an anti-inflammatory. Stopped taking it and am doing fairly well. Just have a very slight headache. Spent quite a bit of time in bed today, but that is due in part to the insomnia. Also, I need to rest in order to heal.

It occurred to me during the sermon this morning that I recommitted my life to Christ on the Monday night before I got hit by the car on Wednesday. Don't know what to make of that.

Also, regarding the crash, I left some things out when I wrote about what happened. I wasn't thinking very clearly in the aftermath of being hit and when I wrote about it, and have had to go back over in my mind what happened in order to get clear about it. For one thing, it took a while to register in my mind that the car had hit a tree. I haven't been back to look closely, but I have driven by, and I'm guessing the tree trunk was probably about eight inches in diameter. It was severed, and after the fact I remembered seeing the tree a ways down the path. Here is a little more about what happened: I heard the car coming up behind me at a very high rate of speed. Apparently I stopped pedaling, as my Garmin GPS recorded my going from 15.2 mph to 13.0 mph in the six seconds before I was hit. There was no oncoming traffic, so I expected the car to go around me on my left. However, suddenly he was coming up on my right. I could hear that, and heard him hit the curb. I had the thought, "What is he doing on my right?" I pedaled and veered left, looking over my right shoulder. The car lost forward momentum, apparently from hitting the tree, and the back of the car swung around toward me. I tried to get out of the way by pedaling harder and moving left, but it hit my rear wheel. As noted before, I went flying, and landed on my back and head. I got up right away, and saw that the car was overturned. A witness on the phone with 911 came over to ask me if I was okay. I told her I was, and she went back to the sidewalk. My bike wouldn't roll, so I started working on that. I found that the rear wheel had been knocked almost out of the dropouts. While I had my back to the car, the driver crawled out. One of the witnesses told me later that he seemed to be drunk and started walking away, but someone stopped him. She also told me that it appeared that he didn't see me until the last minute and then swerved.

I hope that the guy who hit me pleads guilty to whatever charges are filed against him. I don't want to face being in a courtroom and having to testify.

Read Proverbs 25.

2016/08/20 18:40 Saturday

The headache and sore neck are improving. Am still taking Tylenol every six hours or so, though, to help keep any possible swelling down. Will do that for another couple of days or so, and then try going without it. The nurse practitioner's orders read in part, "No return to work until headache resolved without medication." I'm not due to return to work until Wednesday, so I will have a chance to see if the headache gets worse without the Tylenol.

Took photos at the picnic. Was worn out by the time the picnic was over, but didn't have much of a headache. Was glad I didn't have to drive back. Laid down to rest after I got home.

It occurred to me last night that I could have ended up with broken bones or have ended up paralyzed. I thank the Lord the damage wasn't worse.

Read Proverbs 24.

2016/08/19 17:15 Friday

Woke up at about 5am feeling fairly good. Ate breakfast and then went back to bed for a while. Later, I drove to Costco to pick up a fruit bowl to take to the cycling club picnic in Genoa tomorrow. Unfortunately, before I had even gotten the 2 1/2 miles to Costco, my head was hurting again. Will be going to the picnic, but will be getting a ride there. Don't really even want to go, but I am committed to taking photos. I could get out of it, but I think I'll be okay. Will make sure I take some Tylenol with me.

Read Proverbs 23.

2016/08/18 20:10 Thursday

It still hasn't sunk in that I could have gotten killed yesterday. One of the witnesses said it looked as though the driver didn't see me until the last minute and then swerved. If he hadn't swerved, I probably would have gotten killed. The car had slowed down substantially by the time it slid into me, but it was still moving at a good clip.

After the adrenaline wore off, my head and neck started hurting. Went to the doctor's office today and saw the nurse practioner. He said I have a concussion and whiplash. He told me not to do anything for at least three to four days that would exercise my brain, and then see how I feel. He said not even to read a novel. Probably won't be able to do even easy rides on the trainer for over two weeks, and riding on the road will likely be out for over a month.

Read Proverbs 22. Shouldn't be reading, so I probably won't read tomorrow.

2016/08/17 19:30 Wednesday

Got hit by a car today while riding at Virginia Lake. The crash was rather spectacular. I was riding along and heard a car coming up behind me very fast. Next thing I know, I hear the car hit the curb on my right and I see it coming up next to me. I swerved left, but the car slid into me. I went flying and landed on my back and head. While I was flying, the car was overturning. The driver was taken to the hospital, and he will be arrested. A police officer said they believe he was high. There were witnesses, thankfully. I guess God isn't through with me yet. I figure I'm blessed that I didn't get killed. I'm a little sore, and have a scraped-up elbow, but other than that I'm okay.

Am afraid of something. While I was still at the crash scene, there were police cars outside the building where I live, according to one of my neighbors. I pray fervently that they weren't looking for me. I consistently give thanks that my legal troubles are over, and pray fervently that I will never be in legal trouble again. Still, given that I obviously watch the church service webcasts, I do get frightened about the possibility of being in trouble again. I wouldn't think that merely watching the webcasts and commenting on them would be sufficient to constitute a crime, but I've been blind-sided before. I'll just have to take to heart the four points about what Isaiah 40:28-31 can do and hope that I was one of the people being preached to. However, regarding point number 4, I will never take the action of contacting anyone at the church. I will never take that risk.

Read Proverbs 21.

2016/08/16 18:15 Tuesday

Have had low blood pressure again today. The lowest I've seen it today was 83/60. That was not long after I got out of bed. It has been only marginally higher than that since then. Went ahead and rode outside, though. Was encouraged by feeling better during yesterday's trainer ride, so I decided to risk riding on the road. Did 15.81 miles of laps around the park at an average speed of 14.1 mph. Was taking it easy. Started feeling woozy at about seven miles in, but kept going. My goal was 15 or so miles. Am thankful that I was able to complete the ride safely and without mishap. It was good to ride on the road again.

On the last lap, I ran into a guy I know who was riding laps also, probably as a cool-down from a ride elsewhere. I've mentioned him before. He is an accident waiting to happen. He rides all over the road (including in the opposite traffic lane), is not cautious at stop signs, is not courteous of drivers, doesn't wear a helmet, and wears earbuds. I run stop signs too, as do all of the riders I know, but those of us who are safe riders are careful when we do it.

Last night, during one of the wakeful times caused by the cursed hot flashes, I reviewed last Sunday's sermon in my mind. Went through a ceremonial recommitment of my life to Christ, and some other recommitments also. Reviewing the sermon leaves me with poignant feelings this evening.

Made an appointment today to take Hope kitty to the vet. She has a growth on her chin. It is almost like a scab. She had a growth in the same spot and of the same type a few weeks ago, but it fell off not long after I noticed it. Since it is back, I'm worried. The appointment is for next Tuesday.

Am at Proverbs 21.

2016/08/15 18:20 Monday

Have been woozy most of the day due to low blood pressure. Had been hoping to ride outdoors, but wasn't able to. Did do an hour on the trainer. The distance was 16.09 miles. Felt better while riding, but not long after I stopped I started feeling woozy again.

Am at Proverbs 18.

2016/08/14 19:20 Sunday

Just noticed that yesterday I wrote that I didn't have to be back at work until the 20th. That was a typo. I don't have to be back at work until the 24th.

Today's sermon was comforting and inspiring. I am thankful to be able to watch church service webcasts.

Did an hour on the trainer. Once again, I was too tired to ride safely outside, and besides, it was windy. The distance was 15.66 miles.

Read Proverbs 15.

2016/08/13 20:35 Saturday

It was slower today than the last three days, which is normal for a Saturday. Wrapped up some things before starting my vacation. Thankfully, I don't have to be back to work until the 20th.

Read Proverbs 14.

2016/08/12 20:15 Friday

Was busy non-stop in the morning, but it slowed down by the late afternoon. Tried to remember to send all the emails that were on the back burner.

Read Proverbs 13.

2016/08/11 21:00 Thursday

Another non-stop day at work. Yesterday was one, also. Two more days and then I will be on vacation. Won't be going anywhere other than to Genoa on the 20th for the cycling club picnic. I don't like to travel; it seems like a waste of money, and besides, I just don't like to do it.

Read Proverbs 12.

2016/08/10 21:15 Wednesday

When I crashed on my bike a while back, my head bounced off of the curb. It was a low-speed crash, and I had a helmet on, so I wasn't hurt. The helmet was made by Giro, and they have a crash replacement program which gives 30% off a new helmet. I ordered one in matte titanium / silver, which I really like, but before I wore it I decided to exchange it for a white / highlight yellow one for visibility's sake. (I have been wearing a helmet, just a different one.) Giro emailed me a FedEx shipping label, and I took the helmet to a FedEx Office place this evening. Lo and behold, the employee was JP. The thought crossed my mind, briefly, that I could tell him that I watch the church service webcasts and that I think he has a great voice. Prudence stopped me, though. He likely would have asked me why I don't attend church, or invited me to the church, and that would have been very uncomfortable. I got a receipt for the shipment, and on it was a URL for a survey. I took the survey and sang his praises.

Read Proverbs 11.

2016/08/09 18:30 Tuesday

Had trouble falling asleep last night, in part because Hope kitty kept me awake for quite a while. She was in need of more attention than usual. Then, I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Slept only about 9 hours, but didn't have to go back to bed to rest today, thankfully.

Rode to a post office, then to Costco. The distance was 8.77 miles. Riding was a bit sketchy because I was tired, so I didn't do a workout outdoors. Did an hour on the trainer. The distance was 16.77 miles, which is progress.

This week is a four-day work week, and then I will be on vacation. Will be off work from the 14th to the 23rd. The cycling club's annual picnic in Genoa will be on Saturday the 20th. I probably won't do any of the rides, but will attend the picnic.

Read Proverbs 10. Too tired to read more.

2016/08/08 19:10 Monday

Slept only about eleven hours last night, and didn't have to lay down to rest during the day. That's progress.

Did one hour on the trainer. The distance was 15.88 miles. That's progress, too. Have a couple of errands to run tomorrow, which I am planning to do by bike. Will see how I feel while doing the errands. If I feel okay, I'll try an easy workout of laps around the park tomorrow. The plan is to do about 15 miles, not including the errands.

Was excused from jury duty. Gave fervent thanks for that. However, the email said it was not a permanent excuse. Guess I'd better resolve myself to the possibility that I might be called again.

Have been feeling closer to God lately, at least when I'm not at work and distracted by the tasks to be performed.

Am at Proverbs 10.

2016/08/07 19:40 Sunday

Jonah is a book that is very poignant to me. It reminds me of the fact that I ran from the church from which I am in exile, and have run at times from God. Even so, I am looking forward to the sermons.

I keep forgetting to mention that after several days of getting used to the monovision contact lenses, I found that I really like them. They are great. When I had regular contacts and even bifocal contacts, I very frequently had to use reading glasses. Now, I never need them.

I sent an email today to the court asking to be excused from jury duty. I'm praying they will grant the request.

Did 45 minutes on the trainer today. That was my goal. I started getting woozy by only about six minutes in, but decided to hang on until 30 minutes and then see if I could do 45. The mileage was only 11.13 miles, and I averaged only 14.7 mph. Didn't want to push myself out of concern I would make my health worse. Felt pretty good afterward. Will try for an hour tomorrow.

Am at Proverbs 8.

2016/08/06 20:50 Saturday

It wasn't as busy at work today as it has been, so I got some things off the back burner.

Read Proverbs 4.

2016/08/05 21:25 Friday

Received some good news today. The guy who hit my truck isn't going to file a claim with his insurance company, so I won't have to worry about defending my position that he was at fault, and my insurance rates won't go up. It probably won't cost him all that much, as there wasn't any structural damage. It was just the lens on his taillight, and that will probably cost less than his deductible.

Was on the go non-stop at work today. One more day, and then I will have three days off. Next will come a four-day work week, and then I will be on vacation.

Am going to try to get out of jury duty. Will tell them the truth, namely that I would be in such a state of anxiety merely from being in a courthouse that I wouldn't be able to think clearly.

Read Proverbs 3.

2016/08/04 21:25 Thursday

When it rains, it pours. I have been summoned for jury duty in the US District Court. It was traumatic filling out the questionnaire form, as it asked if I had a criminal history and then I had to answer questions about it. And then I had to request a letter showing that my civil rights have been restored, because I don't know what I did with the original one I had. I wish I had never had my civil rights restored. I'll have a panic attack just being in a courthouse. Maybe I'll be rejected based on the questionnaire.

Read Proverbs 2.

2016/08/03 19:10 Wednesday

If it's not one thing, it's another. I drove to a store this afternoon, and after I pulled into a parking spot, I decided to move over some. I backed up, and then was going forward when someone coming out of a parking spot behind me backed into my truck. My truck wasn't damaged, as his taillight went into my bumper, but I'm assuming my insurance rates will go up even though he backed into me. There weren't any witnesses.

Wouldn't normally have driven to the store where the crash happened, but I was too tired to ride there today. Put on cycling gear this morning with the intent to ride there, but then decided I was too tired. Laid down to rest for a couple of hours, then did a 30-minute trainer ride. Was woozy almost the whole time. Did only 7.17 miles.

Read Proverbs 1.

2016/08/02 20:25 Tuesday

Had quite a blow today. One of my ex-brothers-in-law, the one who lives here, almost died of leukemia a few years ago, but he pulled through. I pray consistently that the leukemia won't come back, and give thanks for answered prayers regarding his health. I went to his store, Eclipse Running, for some supplements today, and asked the manager about Chuck. He told me that Chuck's leukemia was back. I couldn't hold back the tears. However, the prognosis is good, thank God. His body is responding to chemo very well. Please pray for him. I believe he is saved, but will verify that the next time I see him.

Of late, I have been increasingly motivated to draw closer to God. It has occurred to me that my prayer time has been seriously lacking. I have been talking to God, but not worshiping Him or drawing near to Him as I should. Finding out about Chuck today has reinforced my motivation. I want to please God, and I want to experience the awesomeness of His presence, but I also want very much for my prayers to be more effective.

Didn't have time to do a workout today, in part because of being tired and going back to bed, even though I would have done only 30-45 minutes on the trainer. Decided to take a rest day instead of trying to squeeze in the workout.

Finished Psalms.

2016/08/01 21:05 Monday

This morning, I rode to the bike shop to get a derailleur adjustment on one of my bikes. Then I took the trailer to the grocery store. That total distance was 6.88 miles. Was thinking about doing a trainer ride, but was too tired. Instead, I watched a sermon and then laid down to rest for an hour. Then I rode to the cyclng club board meeting this evening. That round-trip was 7.38 miles.

Regarding the situation with the police cars yesterday, I'm thinking maybe the officer made the noise with the intent of slowing down a driver who passed by him. Because no officer got out of a car, that makes more sense than to think the noise was aimed at me, even though I was the only one around other than some cars going through the light.

The estradiol wasn't working, so I stopped taking it a while ago. I'm thinking the hot flashes have gotten worse due to adrenal system problems, as the hot flashes started getting very bad after the gluten experiment, and gluten intolerence and adrenal problems often go hand-in-hand. Have been taking supplements and eating foods that are said to provide adrenal support, and that seems to be helping, albeit slowly.

The sermon illustration about the elephant being held in place by an 18-inch stake keeps coming to mind. Another thing that comes to mind is the statement to the effect that there is often a difference between one's Christian experience and what theology says it should be. Another is that it was said that the elements of the "Romans Road to Salvation" are also applicable to the saved. Much food for thought.

Read Psalm 147. Will read it again tomorrow, when hopefully I won't be so tired. "He heals the brokenhearted...."

2016/07/31 20:30 Sunday

I was sad to hear that the youth pastor is leaving. Then it occurred to me that it is good for me, as now I will be able to listen to him preach in addition to watching the church service webcasts I have been watching. I am still sad for the people of the church he is leaving, but glad for him and his family. It will be a good opportunity. I recall the first sermon I heard him preach. To put it bluntly, I wasn't impressed. However, since then, when I have heard him preach, I have been blessed by his sermons. He has grown.

One of my usual prayers is to give thanks for law enforcement officers, firefighters, and our troops. I am thankful for people who have the courage to risk life and limb for the public good. Today, as I was riding the trainer, it occurred to me to give thanks for pastors who dedicate their lives to serving God and leading people to draw closer to Him.

There was an interesting and insightful statement put forth in the sermon today. It was that we would never face God's wrath again, but would still face Satan's wrath and man's wrath.

After the sermon, I rode downtown to the Reno Open Streets event. There weren't all that many booths, and the area was quite large. Not all that many people were there, either. I was told there were more people there earlier, though. I think it should have been in a smaller area, they should have put the booths closer together, and they should have publicized it better. I knew of it only because I received an email from another organization that told of it. The mileage for that ride was 8.36 miles.

When I was stopped at a stoplight on the event route, an RPD officer made a noise with a car. There were two cars, and I looked, but I couldn't see anyone in the cars because of the lighting. Perhaps I should have gone to the cars to see if the noise was aimed at me, but I figured if it were, an officer would have gotten out of the car. Maybe it was the officer who arrested me. Again, though, I would have expected the officer to get out of the car if it had been aimed at me. Even if it had been him, I wouldn't have known what to say, and I would have had an attack of nerves.

Not long after I got home, I did a 30-minute ride on the trainer. Was taking it very easy. Did only 7.32 miles. Felt fairly good for most of the ride, but for the last several miles I was getting woozy.

Slept only about 10 1/2 hours last night, but haven't been all that tired today. I hope that indicates progress rather than being a fluke.

Am at Psalm 147.

2016/07/30 20:15 Saturday

What a work week... Was busy non-stop every day. Being exhausted made it worse. Now I have four days off, though, thankfully. And tomorrow is Sunday, so I have a church service webcast to look forward to.

Am at Psalm 144.

2016/07/29 20:10 Friday

One more work day, then I have four days off. It was hard making it through the day today.

Am at Psalm 142.

2016/07/28 20:30 Thursday

Made it through another work day. Ran out of steam toward the end of the day, but I made it. Had some balance problems in the shower tonight due to fatigue, but managed to stay upright.

Read Psalm 139 again. Verses 23-24 stir my soul especially. Tried to keep reading, but was too tired.

2016/07/27 20:55 Wednesday

Forgot to mention last night that there was another reason I was thankful that the sermon from the second service was posted. That reason was that since that sermon was posted, it meant that the pastor made it through the second service despite having had problems with his right arm during the first service.

Thought I would never get home from work. There was a crash on the 395 that had traffic backed up a long way. Then, as I was zipping along after getting past the crash, there was another crash up ahead.

Felt better at work today than I expected to. Made it through the work day.

Am at Psalm 140, but will reread Psalm 139 tomorrow to get more out of it than I can get right now. Am about to drop from exhaustion.

2016/07/26 18:00 Tuesday

Had written herein this afternoon about how much I hate life. It was still too early to go to bed, so I was checking email and so forth. I looked at the church website to see if last Sunday's sermon had been posted. I was hoping that the sermon from the second service would be posted, as due to time constraints it seems as though the pastor goes into more detail in the second service than the first. I was glad when I started listening to the sermon, as it was indeed different from the sermon I watched last Sunday when I ended up watching the early service due to the cycling club party. Listening to the sermon inspired me to delete what I had written earlier and have a better attitude.

Earlier in the day, I did 30 minutes on the trainer. Struggled. The distance was 7.13 miles.

Have to go back to work tomorrow, much to my dismay. However, in another three weeks, I will have another vacation week.

Am at Psalm 137. Psalm 136 underscored God's lovingkindess throughout. "Lovingkindness" is a foreign concept to me, though, for the most part, because I do not know how to trust, whether people or even God.

2016/07/25 17:40 Monday

Slept 13 hours, ate breakfast, went back to bed after 1 1/2 hours, and stayed there for three hours. This is no way to live.

Despite feeling exhausted, I did an hour on the trainer. The distance was 14.92 miles. I should probably cut the time down to 30 minutes.

Perhaps part of dying to self, for me, would be learning not to loathe what God made me. However, that would be an insurmountable task.

Am at Psalm 135.

2016/07/24 19:50 Sunday

Managed to drag myself out of bed in time for the early service webcast. Throughout the sermon, I was concerned about the pastor, as it was clear that he was having trouble with his right arm. Prayed for him about that. I always pray regarding his health in my prayer time. I hope he made it through the second service.

Went to the Yellow Jersey Party to take photos. Felt rather bad. As I was shooting photos, I was on my feet for most of the time. My legs were unsteady, and a few times I wondered if I would make it through the party without falling.

When I got home, I laid down to rest for over two hours. Didn't think I would be able to ride the trainer, but I was stubborn and did an hour on it. The distance was 15.29 miles. While riding, after praying, I gave thought to the sermon. I especially gave thought to the admonition to "die to self." I have never gotten a handle on just what that means. More thought is required.

Am at Psalm 128.

2016/07/23 18:30 Saturday

One thing I did yesterday was upgrade my Linux box from Fedora 23 to Fedora 24. Was praying it would go well, and gave thanks when it did.

Looked at the church service times. I will be able to watch the early service before the Yellow Jersey Party, since I am not going to do either of the club rides beforehand. Am not up to riding on the road for more than a few miles at a time.

Ran errands in the early afternoon (I drove, rather than riding), and then did a trainer ride for an hour. Did 15.66 miles.

Am at Psalm 124.

2016/07/22 16:40 Friday

Have been in a fog of exhaustion all day. Haven't done much of anything. Didn't try to ride; just took a rest day.

Am at Psalm 119:153.

2016/07/21 18:25 Thursday

My vacation is speeding past. Days off fly by because I sleep 12-14 hours a night. It is depressing.

Rode to Natural Grocers for a few things, including a supplement (ashwagandha) that supposedly helps with adrenal fatigue. Then I rode to Costco for a few more things. Had the trailer loaded down with some heavy things. It was sketchy riding home because of the weight; the trailer is a single-wheel one, so balance is crucial. Also, I was too tired to ride safely. I prayed that I would make it home safely and without mishap, and I gave thanks when I did.

The transportation mileage was 7.61 miles. After that, I did a trainer ride for an hour at a slow pace. Did 15.42 miles.

Read Psalm 119:1-64.

2016/07/20 18:25 Wednesday

Hardly slept at all last night. Instead of having a few hot flashes, which is how it had been, I had a lot. I hope the estradiol starts working soon. Was in bed for about 13 1/2 hours last night, and spent a good part of the day in bed also.

Went to Squeeze In with the downstairs neighbor this morning. Her birthday is coming up, and she had a coupon because of that.

Had a fairly good, albeit short and easy-paced, ride on the trainer today. Almost didn't ride because I was so tired, but the stubborness kicked in and I went ahead and rode. Did just an hour, which came to 15.37 miles. Felt better afterward than I had all day. At least I can ride the trainer, and I give thanks for that.

Am at Psalm 119.

2016/07/19 16:55 Tuesday

Paid bills this morning. Am making progress, but this month the progress was less due to some extra expenses. The auto insurance was due, and there was the bill for the shocks on the truck.

Did 25 miles on the trainer. Struggled. Averaged 15.7 mph.

Would prefer not to miss the church service webcast this Sunday, but as mentioned before, I will be going to the cycling club's Yellow Jersey Party to celebrate the end of the Tour de France. The main reason I will be going will be to take photos. Don't know yet if I will be doing a ride with the club beforehand; it will depend on how I feel. Listening to the sermon after it is posted will have to do.

There is a cycling club general meeting this evening, but I am too tired to go. I need to get to bed as soon as possible. Not only am I too tired to go, but I don't want to socialize at all.

Read Psalm 116.

2016/07/18 18:00 Monday

Dropped the truck off this morning and rode home from the repair shop, which is at Fourth and the Wells overpass. Then after a while I rode to Natural Grocers to pick up some L-glutamine. I read that it helps with adrenal fatigue. As I was leaving there, the repair shop called and said my truck was ready. Rode back to the shop to pick it up. After that, I rode to Costco with the trailer to pick up a few things. The total mileage was 14.61 miles.

Didn't feel up to doing a longer ride on the road, so I rode the trainer. Did 25 miles again today. Averaged only 15.9 mph, and was struggling.

Started taking estradiol (hormone replacement) again this evening. Just can't take the hot flashes any longer. Treatment for adrenal fatigue sometimes helps with hot flashes, but I cannot wait until mid-September to get them under control.

Am at Psalm 115.

2016/07/17 19:20 Sunday

Didn't feel up to riding on the road or running today, but I did do a trainer ride. My goal was 25 miles, and I was able to do that. Had problems with balance, though, a few times while I was sitting upright. Averaged only 15.8 mph, as I was taking it easy. Didn't listen to sermons while riding, but did spend time in prayer. Felt good after finishing; had the "runner's high."

I pray that I am not considered a troublemaker to the church due to some of my posts herein.

Have to get up early in the morning to take my truck in to the shop. Will be having the front shocks replaced.

Made an appointment the other day to see a naturopath. Unfortunately, they couldn't get me in until September 19th. They did put me on a cancellation list, though. I don't put faith in oriental "medicine," which the naturopath also practices. I am going to her because I think I have adrenal fatigue, which isn't really considered a diagnosis by Western medical standards. She does treat that condition. From what I have read, gluten intolerance and adrenal fatigue often go hand-in-hand with each other. I am thinking I may have done damage to my adrenal system when I did the gluten experiment prior to the celiac disease test.

Am at Psalm 112.

2016/07/15 20:25 Saturday

Just realized that I put "Wednesday" instead of "Friday" on yesterday's post. Corrected that.

Made it through the work day. Was busy all day long trying to get a lot of tasks taken care of. Didn't get everything done, so I will have tasks waiting for me when I go back on July 27th.

Am thankful that I will be off work for ten days. I will also have one work week off every month for the rest of the year, which translates to ten days off in a row every month because of my work schedule.

Read Psalm 108.

2016/07/15 20:15 Friday

One more work day, and then I have ten days off. Have been swamped all day for the last three days. Have to get some things off the back burner tomorrow before starting vacation time. Hopefully, it will be slower tomorrow, as it usually is on Saturdays.

Am at Psalm 108.

2016/07/14 20:45 Thursday

Had trouble falling asleep last night. That made it even harder than usual to get through the work day.

While praying during my rides, I used to give thanks for the ability to ride, both the physical ability and the social freedom. I also gave thanks that my health wasn't worse than it was. Now I can barely ride, and my health is very bad.

A couple of nights ago, I dreamt again that I was back at the church from which I am in exile. I don't know why that happens every now and then. I don't want to go to any church. I would fit in even less now than ever.

Read Psalm 105.

2016/07/13 20:40 Wednesday

One work day down, three to go.

Am at Psalm 105.

2016/07/12 17:05 Tuesday

Riding in the downtown area and the Fourth Street corridor yesterday made me very thankful for all I have. Seeing so many down and out people gave me pause.

Took a turn for the worse again today. Was too tired to do a workout. This morning, I was hoping at least to do a trainer ride even though I was tired, but wasn't up to doing even that. Have had trouble standing and walking again today. Did do laundry, as that was needed to get me through the work week.

One more work week and then I will be on vacation. Will be off work from the 17th until the 27th. I need the time off.

Have been awake for only about 8 1/2 hours, but need to go to bed now.

2016/07/11 21:25 Monday

Have been feeling better today than the last few days. Had to get up early to take my truck in to have the brakes worked on. Rode home from the shop, which is at Fourth and the Wells overpass. Then took the bike trailer to Costco. A while after that, I rode back to pick up my truck. The total mileage was 12.33 miles. That isn't much, but by the time I was done, I was fading fast.

Fixed flats for two bicycle riders today. First, when I pulled up to the auto repair shop, a guy saw my bike in the back of my truck and asked if I had a patch. He had the tube out of the tire already and had the tire back on the rim, which I thought was strange. I patched the tube and he headed for a nearby tire shop that had a free air pump. The repair shop I was at didn't want to pump up the tire because of liability concerns, probably because a car tire pneumatic pump could blow out a bike tire easily. I couldn't pump it up because the pump I carry is for Presta valves and he had a Schraeder. Then, as I was riding home, I saw a guy walking a bike. I asked if he had a flat, and sure enough, he did. Luckily, he had a Presta valve tube, so I was able to pump up the tire after I patched the tube. He was Hispanic and didn't speak English very well, but we managed to communicate. He actually offered to pay me when I was done, which took me by surprise because it hadn't even occurred to me to take money for it. I told him he didn't need to give me anything, and that I was glad to help.

Had a cycling club board meeting this evening. Drove to it instead of riding. For one thing, I was tired, and for another, I wouldn't have been able to take my bike into the restaurant this time. We are usually in a meeting room, and we can take bikes in there, but tonight we were in the main dining room, where they don't allow bikes. There was a scheduling conflict with the meeting room because we changed this month's meeting to the second Monday of the month instead of the first, as the first Monday was the Fourth of July.

Am at Psalm 99.

2016/07/10 18:05 Sunday

Had trouble falling asleep last night. Guess I was too tired to fall asleep. It was about 10 o'clock when I finally drifted off. Then, after being awakened by a cursed hot flash at about 5:30am, I couldn't go back to sleep. Was too exhuasted to get up, so I laid there in bed until I fell asleep again at about 6:45am. Had trouble dragging myself out of bed in time for the sermon. Kept hitting snooze. After the sermon, I went back to bed for about two hours. This is no way to live.

The sermon was reassuring. As an aside, though, I'm still leaning strongly toward wanting absolute and eternal oblivion instead of heaven.

Am so exhuasted I am staggering. Off to bed.

Am at Psalm 97.

2016/07/09 21:00 Saturday

Made it through the work week, barely. Am exhausted beyond measure. Am so tired I am woozy.

Had quite a scare when I got home. Hope kitty has never failed to greet me at the door when I get home from work. However, she did not do so this evening. I called her, and she still didn't come. That frightened me. I found her hiding under the bed, and she didn't want to come out. She came to the edge and let me pet her, but then she went back under the bed. I finally was able to coax her to come out, and after a bit she was back to normal. I assume there was something that happened while I was at work that scared her.

Am at Psalm 95.

2016/07/08 20:30 Friday

Twelve-hour workdays are just too hard on me, but I am trapped in my job. Too tired to read tonight. Am barely able to walk, I am so exhuasted.

2016/07/07 20:30 Thursday

Had a frustrating day at work today. Was busy just about all day. Ran into a couple of problems that I still haven't solved.

I suspect that one reason I have been feeling worse since starting the gluten-free diet is due to low blood pressure. I normally have low blood pressure, and I have read that eliminating wheat from one's diet typically lowers blood pressure. I had noticed that I have been more dizzy than usual when first standing up lately, so I bought a blood pressure monitor. A reading I just now took was 83/64. Not good.

Read Psalm 92.

2016/07/06 18:05 Wednesday

Was too tired again today to ride safely. Didn't even try. Instead, did a run of 5.21 miles. The pace was embarrassingly slow.

Am at Psalm 92.

2016/07/05 16:40 Tuesday

I will miss the church service webcast on July 24th. The cycling club will be having a Yellow Jersey Party that day to celebrate the end of the Tour de France. I probably won't do even the short ride, but will go to Bueno's for the party.

I would like to find a different job, but am afraid that if I were to accept a position and quit my current job before the background check was complete, I wouldn't pass the background check and would be stuck without a job. If the check went back only seven years, I would pass, but some companies go back further than seven years. At least I have a decent job now, although there are aspects of it that make me want to leave.

Slept 14 hours last night, except for the times I woke up due to the cursed hot flashes.

Figured I was too tired to ride today, but tried anyway. Did only 15.84 miles of laps at an average speed of only 12.6 mph. Really was too tired to ride safely. Rode most of the time with a foot unclipped.

Read Psalm 89.

2016/07/04 16:20 Monday

Woke up at about 6:30am due to a hot flash and couldn't get back to sleep. I hate having a female body. Maybe God will have mercy and whatever is causing my health problems will kill me soon.

Was hoping to be able to ride today, but was too tired to ride safely. Ran 5.44 miles instead. Was really too tired to do that, too, but I was being stubborn. The exhaustion is just one more thing fueling my bitterness.

Am at Psalm 89.

Off to bed.

2016/07/03 20:15 Sunday

To set an iPhone calendar entry on a minute mark instead of on a five-minute mark: 1) Tap the "Starts" line. 2) Turn "All-day" on. 3) Turn "All-day" off.

There is no way I will vote for Trump. He is, at best, a bombastic buffoon.

I'm not sure the bylaws wording is sufficient. For example, a transgender male would say that he/she was born a man despite being born with female anatomy. That is how I would describe myself. I have never identified as a female. However, I do not identify at all with the LGBT community. They encourage LGBT people to be proud of what they are, while I loathe myself and consider myself to be an abomination.

Went to Amy and Randy's for dinner. Amy is a great cook. They live off of Timberline Drive, which is off the Mt. Rose Highway just before it veers left near Galena. Last year, we rode bikes up the fire road to an overlook to watch the fireworks. This year, I couldn't do that because I can't stay up that late.

Slept until about 8:15am, then after the church service webcast I laid down to rest for over two hours. Even so, I have been exhausted all day. Driving home from Amy and Randy's was nerve-wracking because of the exhaustion. I haven't driven drunk for decades (I haven't even had alcohol for well over a decade), but I have always thought I was more capable of driving drunk than driving tired.

Read Psalm 79. Too tired to read more.

2016/07/02 20:30 Saturday

Made it through the work week, and managed to drive home despite being exhausted. Am too tired to read tonight. Tried to, but was falling asleep.

2016/07/01 20:15 Friday

Today was another non-stop day. One more day, and then I have four days off.

Am at Psalm 79.