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My purpose is to live for Christ alone.


13bForgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
- Philippians 3:13b-14 (NIV)


For beautiful the prize, and great our hope.


2016/02/12 19:55 Wednesday

Finished reading 1 Corinthians. It gave me hope that the spiritual bodies in heaven won't be like the physical bodies in this world. Having a female body is a loathesome cross I must bear in this world, but maybe in heaven it will be different.

Am so tired that my legs feel like rubber. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/02/11 21:00 Thursday

The work day didn't drag on as much today as yesterday. Also, I finally solved a problem that I had been struggling with for hours over the last few days. There was a system file (msvcr71.dll, to be exact) missing from a laptop, and that was preventing the creation of an Oracle ODBC. I had thought perhaps the problem was due to a missing .dll, but determining which one was like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Was glad to wash my hands of that problem.

Two more work days, and then I have five days off. Am looking forward to the time off, and am thankful for it.

Read only one chapter in 1 Corinthians this evening. Had to shower, so I got a late start in reading.

Off to finish getting ready for bed. It is late, and I am exhausted.


2016/02/10 19:45 Wednesday

The work day really dragged on today. Thought it would never be over.

Read up to 1 Corinthians 14. Don't know what to make of Chapter 13, and never have. I guess I'm just a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.

Am so exhausted that I'm feeling woozy. Off to finish getting ready for bed before I drop.


2016/02/09 19:15 Tuesday

Did my taxes this morning. The process started out very frustratingly. Went to the IRS site and selected the Free File link. I didn't fit the criteria of many of the companies. Started out with one of them, but it was not a good one and I quit using it before finishing. Then I remembered that last year, I went to the H & R Block website and did free filing from there, even though I didn't meet the criteria listed for them at the IRS website. Did that again this year, and it was a breeze. Will be getting a refund of $794. I will use it to pay off part of my credit card debt. Am making progress at paying down the debt, and my credit union loan will be paid off this month.

After doing the taxes, I reviewed some sermon notes. I am thankful to be able to watch sermon webcasts online. I don't feel called by God to return to church, but maybe that is because I am utterly terrified of contacting anyone from the church for fear of getting in legal trouble again, maybe because I am utterly terrified of the thought of interacting with them even if they were to initiate contact, and maybe because I am sure I wouldn't fit in at any church. Those factors could well prevent me from experiencing any calling to return, if indeed there were to be one. I do pray that if it were to be God's will for me to return to the church, that He would lead the shepherd man to initiate contact. I don't trust myself to be able to discern God's will in the matter.

Did 35.93 miles of laps. Averaged 14.3 mph. Had more energy today, and also, although I got caught behind slow-moving traffic at times, that didn't happen as much as it did the last two days. Spent time alone with God. That always makes for a good ride.

After the ride, I took care of some odds and ends, and then reviewed more sermon notes. It truly is a blessing to be able to watch sermon webcasts.

After working four days this week, I will have five days off. It would have been one of my four-day weekends next week, but I will have an additional day off for Presidents' Day. The weather forecast is calling for rain on the 17th and 18th. I am hoping it won't rain, but even if it does, I will just put on rain gear and ride anyway.

Have read up to Chapter 12 of 1 Corinthians.

Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/02/08 19:25 Monday

Rode to an appointment for a blood draw this morning. That round-trip was 4.38 miles. Had to fast for the labwork. Came home, had coffee, ate, and then did a workout. Rode 35.79 miles of laps. Averaged only 13.8 mph, but the ride was a lot better than yesterday's, as I spent quite a bit of time alone with God on the ride today.

Yesterday's sermon was hard for me to hear. Prayed today that God would wash away the taint on my soul and would help me learn to love.

Worried about the shepherd man toward the end of the sermon yesterday. He had taken his suit coat off during the sermon, at one point it looked as though he fumbled his Bible a little with his left hand, and then he was flexing his left hand opened and closed. I was concerned that he was having a relapse of the myasthenia gravis. I hope he didn't.

Read up to 1 Corinthians 4 yesterday. Read up to Chapter 7 this evening.

Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/02/07 20:05 Sunday

Woke up early, for me at least. Slept only about ten hours.

Started off the day by replacing two case fans on the Linux box. One had gotten very noisy intermittently, and the other one was a tad noisy all the time. I had ordered the fans a long time ago, but hadn't gotten around to doing the replacement. Sticking a canned-air straw into the very noisy fan to stop its spinning for a while was helping, but I finally got tired of dealing with it. Now there is peace and quiet.

How does one love one's neighbor as oneself when one loathes oneself? How does one love others when impregnable defenses toward humanity are deeply ingrained in one's soul? I have my work cut out for me if I am ever going to learn how to love.

After the church service, I rode 35.94 miles of laps. Averaged only 13.6 mph. Got caught behind slow-moving traffic quite a bit, and besides, I just didn't have the energy to ride fast. It wasn't a good ride; I wasn't able to keep my mind focused on being alone with God, and it is never a good ride when I don't spend much time with God.

Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/02/06 19:50 Saturday

The work week is over, thankfully. Now I have three days off.

Over the last few days, I had become aware that the guy I was training was quite negative about a lot of things in the company. It occurred to me that I am very often negative in my postings herein. I will try to work on being more positive.

Finished the book of Ruth and went back to the New Testament, specifically to 1 Corinthians. Read just one chapter. Verse 1:12 brought to mind that I often give thanks that it was the shepherd man who led me in a prayer formalizing my commitment to Christ. I don't think that is the same as what Paul criticizes in verses 1:11-13.

Off to finish getting ready for bed. Am looking forward to crawling under the covers.


2016/02/05 20:10 Friday

It wasn't all that busy at work this morning, so I was able to train the guy I'm training on some things that I wanted to cover instead of just working incidents with him. In the afternoon, we took care of some tasks that needed to be done.

Finished Romans and read the first two chapters of Ruth.

One more work day, and then three days off. Unfortunately, I have to drive the downstairs neighbor to the eye doctor on Tuesday. She said she would need someone to drive her home because they are going to dilate her eyes. I told her they would give her dark glasses so that she would be able to drive, but she said that the last time she had her eyes dilated she couldn't drive. Groan. She drives me batty.

Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/02/04 20:55 Thursday

Was swamped at work today, and was training a guy who usually works nights but is working days this week and the next for training. That slowed things down a lot. At least the time passed quickly because we were so busy.

Read up to Chapter 16 of Romans.

It is late, and I am too tired to think of anything else to write. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/02/03 19:30 Wednesday

Have been in a foul mood all day long. The cycling club recording secretary was out of town last Monday, so I filled in for her at the board meeting, and I had to type up the minutes and send them out today. It took hours, and was a very irritating task. It wasn't a pleasant way to spend the last day of my weekend.

Did 35.88 miles of laps on the Sirrus. Averaged only 13.2 mph, bonked with quite a ways still to go, and worse yet, wasn't able to get focused on spending time alone with God very effectively. Did spend a lot of time giving fervent thanks for my sanity and for my legal troubles being over, and praying fervently that I will never go insane again and will never be in legal trouble again.

Have an appointment on February 15th for an ultrasound on my neck to evaluate the thyroid. The symptoms of a thyroid problem are getting worse. The primary care physician ordered the ultrasound along with blood labwork. Will be going in for the labwork next Monday.

Read up to Romans 14 this evening.

Am exhausted, as usual. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/02/02 19:55 Tuesday

Have been experiencing emotional pain today. Made it worse by reading the rgj.com article about solitary confinement in jails and prisons, and by viewing the accompanying video. I spent a lot of time in solitary confinement, which for me was better than being in general population. I would much rather die than go back to jail or prison. Just the thought of the possibility of being incarcerated again makes my soul scream in agony.

The emotional pain started because of my concern for the shepherd man. It really worries me that he stated that he had his resignation letter on his desk. Again, I hope and pray that it was only a flippant remark and not the truth. If it was the truth, I wonder what is going on that would lead him even to think about needing a resignation letter.

Did only 14.87 miles of laps on the fat bike. Was short on time.

Read a little in Romans while waiting for the dentist. Came across a passage that I think of frequently. It is Romans 9:20-21. As oft-stated, I loathe being female, which means I loathe being what God made me. That passage convicts me. It states,

Romans 9:20-21 (NASB95):

20On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, "Why did you make me like this," will it?
21Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use?
Am up to Romans 11.

Am utterly exhausted. Need to finish getting ready for bed asap.


2016/02/01 20:15 Monday

In yesterday's service, the pastor spoke of the passing of a Will Adams. One of Brent Adams' sons is named Willie, or at least that was what he was called when I was spending time on occasion with with their family years ago. I wonder if it was Brent and Trish's son who died. I don't think Willie would be 34 years old, though.

Tried to do a ride this morning, but there was a lot of ice on the roads. Did one lap and quit. Wish I would have started later, as the ice did melt. Went to a bookstore and then Costco, and thought about riding after that, but there was a cycling club board meeting this evening, and I wouldn't have had time to ride very far before that. Decided to spend the time reading the Bible. Read only one chapter, though, and then went to bed to rest up before the meeting, as the fatigue made it too hard to concentrate. Read two chapters yesterday.

Sometimes I wish I hadn't run for re-election to the cycling club board. I am not social.

Have a busy day tomorrow. Need to shower in the morning, then do a ride, then go to the dentist, then go to the doctor for an annual physical, and then have dinner with Amy. Wish I could just relax instead.

Off to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2016/01/31 17:10 Sunday

Slept only about ten hours last night. Strange. Didn't wake up feeling rested, though.

Took a look at the church newsletter online. An article entitled "Women's Ministry" starts off with this: "Women need other women. God created us to be social, and being with Christian women is biblical." Makes me cringe. Reinforces my aversion to attending a church. I figure I'm safe from church women, though, as I doubt very seriously that I will ever be back in the church.

Speaking of cringing, Cold Springs make me cringe. Every time I go there, I sense spiritual darkness.

Not long ago, the pastor said that the people in a church should love each other like a family. I wouldn't know what it is to love people; I don't know how to trust people, and love requires trust. In my family, love was a foreign concept to me. I never felt that I was loved, and thus never learned to love others. The psychological abuse perpetrated against me by one of my sisters exacerbated that.

Did a ride on the fat bike after the church service. Rode only 18.9 miles of laps. Wanted to go farther, but gave up because the front derailleur kept icing over after about 15 miles. I knocked the ice off of it a couple of times, but after a while I couldn't get enough ice off to allow it to shift. It was 26.6 degrees for most of the ride.

Now for the difficult part of this post.... The shepherd man made a comment in the church service this morning that has me concerned. He said that he had his resignation letter on his desk, and something to the effect that after preaching the sermon he was preaching today, he might be asked to resign. I hope and pray that was a flippant remark, and not the truth. If he ever were to resign, I would hope it would be on his own terms. He has a calling from God to be a pastor, and if he were to be asked to resign, he might have difficulty finding another position as a pastor. I recall his telling in a sermon of what his pastor told him when he told his pastor that he had been called to the ministry: his pastor told him to be certain it was a calling from God, because there would be times when the only thing keeping him in the ministry would be that calling.


2016/01/30 19:40 Saturday

Made it through the work week. Now I have four days off, thankfully.

Read Romans 5. Once again, am too tired to read more.

Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/29 20:55 Friday

Read Chapter 4 of Romans. Again, am too tired to read more than one chapter. It is late. Stopped for gas at Costco on the way home from work, and had to shower this evening. Twelve-hour workdays make it hard to take care of even the basics of life during the work week.

More on the pastor's flippant remark that he would like a SWAT team: I wonder what kind of a SWAT team he would like. A team to drag people out of their homes and haul them off to church, or a team to swat errant people as one might swat a misbehaving child?

Off to finish getting ready for bed. Am exhausted beyond measure.


2016/01/28 20:25 Thursday

Read just Chapter 3 of Romans. Am too tired to read more. Will start at the beginning of Romans on my weekend, as I have been too tired to get much out of it so far.

Should have showered this evening, but am just too exhausted.

Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/27 19:50 Wednesday

One work day down, three to go, then four days off. Will be busy on my days off again.

Read one chapter of Romans last night, and one tonight. Am too exhausted to read any more this evening, and will re-read at least Chapter 2 tomorrow evening, and maybe Chapter 1 also. Am so tired the words aren't sinking in well.

So, the pastor said he would like to have a SWAT team. I wonder why...

Off to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2016/01/26 19:05 Tuesday

Took the truck to the Nissan dealership for an oil change this morning. Had a very irritating experience which left me in a foul mood. Will spare the reader the details, in part because I do not want to dwell on them.

When I finally got home, I did a ride. Rode 35.87 miles of laps. Averaged only 13.5 mph. My legs were tired, especially for the first half of the ride. Wasn't sure I would be able to finish the 35+ miles. Took it easy, and loaded up on Hammer Heed (the sports drink I use) and Hammer Gel. That helped the physical aspect of the struggle. Had some painful memories, though, which resulted in an emotional struggle. Really focused on trying to maintain a worshipful frame of mind during the ride. That helped.

I have noted that I could drop dead of fright if anyone from the church were to contact me. I don't know how likely it would be for them to reach out to me. However, on the off chance that they might, I have been attempting to come to grips with the possibility.

Finished Acts while waiting for the truck. Started to read in Romans, but was having trouble concentrating, in part because an obnoxious TV was on in the waiting room, and in part because the longer I had to wait, the more steam was coming out of my ears. Romans 1:1 is inspiring, and I wanted to contemplate it in the peace and quiet of my apartment.

Am very tired. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/25 19:25 Monday

While praying last night, it occurred to me that I should be praying that Christ will wash away my sin, not just the fear, pain, guilt, and anger that I feel at times.

Was on bikes a lot today. First, I rode to Natural Grocers to pick up curcumin, which I am hoping will help with my gastrointestinal issues. Then I rode to Save Mart to pick up some items that Costco doesn't have. After that, I rode to Costco. Finally, I did a recreational ride. The mileage for the errands totaled 10.4 miles. For the recreational ride, I did 35.99 miles of laps around the park. Averaged only 13.8 mph for that ride. Wasn't pushing myself; just wanted to put in the 35+ miles and the time alone with God.

Read some in Acts this morning before running errands. Stopped at v.20:24, which is the shepherd man's current life verse. Picked up again there this evening. Read up to Chapter 24.

Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/24 19:05 Sunday

After the church service webcast, I did 35.87 miles of laps. Averaged 14.8 mph. For the first half of the ride or so, I was in a very bad mood because of the sermon. It had seemed to me that the shepherd man was warning me that I was going to be given over to the legal authorities again. I was afraid of being hauled into court and of losing my job. I very frequently give fervent thanks that my legal troubles are over, and pray fervently that I will never be in legal trouble again. Today, I was praying even more fervently that I wouldn't be in legal trouble. Finally, it occurred to me that the part of the sermon that had me worried might have been an explanation of the past instead of a warning for the future. Now I am praying fervently that is the case. Regardless, I am not going to contact the shepherd man or anyone else in the church. I am terrified at the very thought of interacting with them. I could drop dead of fright if someone from the church were to contact me. Besides, there might be people in the church who consider me to be an enemy, and I could indeed end up in legal trouble again if I were to initiate contact.

Something I prayed about while riding is that God would wash away the fear, pain, guilt, and anger I feel at times. I prayed that He would fill me with His power, and would work in me and through me. I need the transformation by the renewing of the mind of which the shepherd man spoke.

The T-shirt that had the saying "Fixin' to" reminded me of interactions I had with the shepherd man before things fell apart. One evening after a Sunday night church service, the pastor was scheduled to meet with some men regarding planning for the possibility of a new building. Myself, I was not convinced that it was for the best to build a new building. I tended to be against it, and he knew that. I stopped the pastor in the hallway when he was on his way to his study for the meeting, and asked, "Has the decision been made yet?" He responded, with quite a bit of anger, "It's fixin' to."

That, in turn, reminded me of the moment when I took the first step of committing my life to Christ. I was in a meeting with the shepherd man in his study, on Thursday, February 25th, 1999. We were discussing the proposed new building, and I had misgivings. Suddenly, this thought was in my mind, and it was clear to me that it was Christ speaking: "Will you make a commitment to him, to his church, to his plans for the church, and to Me?" Silently, I responded firmly, with no doubt or hesitation, "No matter what." The following Sunday, I formalized that commitment when the shepherd man led me in a prayer dedicating my life to Christ. That in and of itself is another very poignant story.

I made that commitment, to the shepherd man, to his church, to his plans for the church, and to Christ. Then, not long after that, I walked away from the church. That was a sin, irrespective of what circumstances led up to it.

In looking at the calender from 1999, I am embarrassed to admit that I have been thinking that my Christian birthday is February 27th, 1999. However, I see that February 27th was a Saturday, so it must have been February 28th when we dedicated my life to Christ. Having had the date wrong is mortifying.

Read up to Acts 18.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/23 19:10 Saturday

Left work at noon today instead of 3pm. Have been very tired all day, and I wanted to get some things done after work. Paid bills, went to Costco, and took a very hot shower. As usual, I gave thanks for hot showers. For the trip to Costco, I rode a bike and pulled the trailer.

Read up to Chapter 15 of Acts.

Am looking forward to the church service tomorrow, as always.

Am exhausted. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/22 20:25 Friday

Thought for a bit that I would have to work late again this evening, but it turned out that what seemed to be a mistake was done intentionally. I advised the manager in charge of the warehouse on second shift that if they are going to deviate from what is standard, they need to send IT an email so that we know that what they are doing is intentional.

Will be leaving work three hours early tomorrow. Need to burn that time off so that my paid time off is below the limit I can carry over into the new fiscal year. Am looking forward to having a short day. Wanted to ride a bike to and from work, but the weather forecast is calling for snow, and I don't want to ride that far away from home in the snow.

Read up to Chapter 12 of Acts.

Am exhausted beyond measure. Need to finish getting ready for bed and crawl under the covers asap.


2016/01/21 21:10 Thursday

Had to work about an hour and 15 minutes late. Someone in Reno made a mistake, and I had to work with someone in the home office to get the problem resolved before I could leave. Was concerned while driving home that I was too tired to drive safely. Prayed that God would get me home safely and without mishap, and gave thanks when I got home.

Am still hoping that we might be able to go back to ten-hour workdays, as my boss hasn't ruled it out completely, but it doesn't seem likely to happen. I brought up the possibility again in the morning meeting today.

Read two chapters of Acts. That takes me up to Chapter 10.

Am feeling convicted about not going to church. Don't know what to do about it, though.

Off to finish getting ready for bed before I drop from exhaustion.


2016/01/20 19:10 Wednesday

Did 35.89 miles of laps. Averaged 14.1 mph. Am making a concerted effort to stay focused on God during the rides, and am making progress on that.

After the ride, I took a very hot shower and then went to an early dinner with Amy. I am thankful for hot showers. I rode to the restaurant. It was only a 3.16 mile round-trip.

Read up to Acts 8 this evening. Stephen's story is inspiring.

Off to finish getting ready for bed. Am about to drop from exhaustion, and I have to be at work at 6am tomorrow.


2016/01/19 21:45 Tuesday

Did only 30.9 miles on my regular ride today. Actually, it was 31.8 miles, because I forgot to turn on the Garmin right away. According to my other cycling computer, I had gone 0.9 miles when I realized I hadn't turned on the Garmin. Was short on time because I took a side trip to the bike shop to have a noise checked out. Randy couldn't find anything wrong other than a gunked-up chain. He cleaned the drive train, and the noise went away.

After the ride, I took care of some odds and ends, and then went to a cycling club meeting. Rode to and from the meeting. It was a 7.51 mile round-trip.

It was already late when I got home from the meeting, but I wasn't going to skip reading at least two chapters in Acts. Made it up to Chapter 5.

Off to finish getting ready for bed. It is really late now. Have held up surprisingly well, though. Was concerned that I might be too tired to ride home from the meeting, and might have to get a ride home from someone. Felt up to the ride, however. Now I'm about to drop.


2016/01/18 21:00 Monday

I need to be more patient. Since stopping the paroxetine, I have sometimes been impatient with people at work. I expect the impatience to pass over time, as I used to be quite patient at work, but in the meantime, I need to work on it. Also, I need to work on being more patient with the downstairs neighbor. Even when on the paroxetine, I struggled with being patient with her. What I really need is an inward transformation; I need to let God work in me and through me.

I am still gunshy of the word "love" and what it entails. I am comfortable with feeling love for companion animals, but not for people. Have been hurt deeply too much by people throughout my life to trust people, and love requires trust.

Had a dental appointment this afternoon to have a permanent crown put in, so I had to get up early in order to get in a ride beforehand. It was hard to drag myself out of bed.

Rode 36.13 miles of laps around the lake. Averaged only 13.5 mph. Then rode to the dentist's office in Sparks, which was not quite six miles. On the way home, I rode to REI and then to the bike shop. I forgot to turn on the Garmin as I was leaving the bike shop, so I'm not sure what the total mileage for the ride to the dentist's office and the errands was. The Garmin showed 12.25 miles, but it was turned off for at least a mile or so.

When I got home, there was a notice on the door from the apartment management. On Wednesday, the maintenance crew will be replacing the heater filters in my building. Did some straightening up this evening, and will finish up tomorrow.

Finished Judges this evening. Went back to the New Testament and read the first two chapters of Acts.

Off to finish getting ready for bed. It is late, and I am about to drop.


2016/01/17 19:15 Sunday

Bailed on the ride today because of the wind. Did only 10.61 miles of laps. Averaged only 11.9 mph. Thought I was being a wimp for quitting, but then I checked a weather app when I got home, and it reported that the wind speed was 34 mph with gusts to 52 mph. That is extreme wind to be riding in, even for me. I was being blown about, and it felt unsafe to ride.

One thing I often give thanks for during my riding prayer sessions is that God and the shepherd man were patient with me when I was resisting dedicating my life to Christ.

I am alone, when it comes down to it, but not at all lonely. Attending a church would be hard on me, not only because I cannot fit the mold of a female, but also because I am a loner.

There are good and bad restaurants, and likewise, there are good and bad churches. Even if I were to want to go to church, I would not go to a church just to be going to church.

On reflection, it seems that I have thought of church as a place to be fed, a place to be served, instead of a place to serve. Watching church service webcasts allows me to be fed, but not to serve as part of a church.

Read up to Judges 21. Atrocities happened in biblical times, and they still happen. Tragedy.

Slept only about ten hours last night. Didn't wake up refreshed, but at least I wasn't as tired for most of the day today as I have been. However, I have been fading fast over the last couple of hours. Had to shower and read a couple of chapter of the Bible, or I would have already been in bed. Speaking of which, I am off to finish getting ready for bed now.


2016/01/16 20:25 Saturday

Have been exhausted all day. Should have been in bed a long time ago, but got sidetracked by reading an article about counterfeit bikes and helmets. I have always bought my bikes from bike shops, so I'm sure none of my bikes are counterfeit, but I have bought helmets online. I haven't bought from any sites that seemed shady, though. Also, my helmets have the CPSC stickers, but the article said that counterfeits don't have them. Counterfeit bikes and helmets can be dangerous, as they lack proper engineering and quality control standards.

Read up to Judges 19. Am confused. Micah's graven images do not seem to have presented a problem, even though one of the Ten Commandments forbids graven images.

Am about to collapse. Need to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/15 20:15 Friday

The work day dragged on interminably today, in part because I have been exhausted all day.

Read up to Judges 17.

Need to get to get to bed asap.


2016/01/14 21:10 Thursday

Work went better today, or maybe I just didn't let things get to me as much.

Read up to Judges 12.

Am thankful that the drive to and from work hasn't been all that bad this winter. I was concerned that the roads would be icy on the drive to work this morning, but there wasn't ice until I got within a few miles of work.

Off to finish getting ready for bed. As usual, I am exhausted.


2016/01/13 21:05 Wednesday

Had a frustrating day at work today. Things didn't go smoothly. Sometimes it is just like that.

Read up to Chapter 9 of Judges.

It is late, and I am exhausted. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/12 20:40 Tuesday

My weekend is over, much to my dismay. Days off always pass too quickly. Sleeping 12-14 hours a night doesn't leave much time for doing everything I need to do. Finally did some laundry today. Did four loads, and still need to do two loads of cycling gear. It will have to wait until my next weekend. The four loads I did was all I could take in one trip to the laundry room.

Did only 25.41 miles of laps around the lake today on the Sirrus. Just didn't have time to to the usual 35+ miles. Averaged 14 mph.

Received an email this evening about the 2016 Edible Pedal ride. It is scheduled for September 18th, which is a Sunday. I would like to do the ride, but I really don't want to miss a sermon webcast to do the ride. Will mull it over.

Am on Chapter 6 of Judges.

Off to finish getting ready for bed. It is late, and I am tired.


2016/01/11 20:40 Monday

Slept 13 hours last night, and would have slept longer, but the trash truck woke me up. Went ahead and got up instead of going back to sleep, as I just don't have time to sleep my life away.

Really struggled on the ride today. Managed to get in the mileage, and some time alone with God, though. Averaged only 13.5 mph for the 35.9 miles of laps on the Sirrus.

After the ride, I took some pizza over to a friend's house to spend some time with her and her dad. They have been of great help to me over the years. They stood by me when I was having mental health issues and legal problems. They took me in when I didn't have a place to stay. He is getting older, and has been having health issues. I hadn't seen them in a while, but I pray for them a lot.

Am back in the Old Testament for now. Read the first two chapters of Judges.

Off to finish getting ready for bed before I drop.


2016/01/10 18:45 Sunday

Maybe it is wrong, but I am thankful that I do not have to go to church to be fed spiritually. I am thankful to be able to watch sermon webcasts. I just don't think I would fit in at any church. I am female, a much-loathed condition, and I cannot fit the mold that other Christian females would try to put me in. Men seem to be more tolerant of the fact that I cannot fit the mold, perhaps because they can sympathize. I have never met a Christian man who would want to be a female.

After the webcast, I did 35.88 miles of laps around the lake on the Sirrus. Started out okay, but lost steam by the time I was about halfway done. Until then, the average speed was 14.1 mph, but by the time I finished, it had dropped to 13.7 mph.

After that, I took a very hot shower. I am thankful for hot showers.

Finished the book of John this evening.

Have been out of bed for only about nine hours, but am exhausted. Off to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2016/01/09 20:55 Saturday

Managed to drag myself out of bed in time to have coffee and breakfast before the Christmas tree recycling event.

After the event, I did 35.76 miles of laps around the lake on the Sirrus. It was 2:50pm when I started, and it was well after dark when I finished. Was very tired, and thus ended up riding really slow. Averaged only 12.6 mph. Didn't think I would be able to do the entire 35+ miles that I do when riding hybrids. At one point, it occurred to me that perhaps I should have learned a lesson from when the pastor ended up in the hospital because he mowed his lawn. My own stubborn streak regarding workouts is perhaps too strong.

Am up to Chapter 18 in John.

Off to finish getting ready for bed before I drop.


2016/01/08 20:10 Friday

Was swamped all day at work. Didn't get as much done as I would have liked. Managed to tie up the loose ends before leaving, but will have quite a bit to do when I go back to work on Wednesday.

Read John 15 this evening, but am so tired that I couldn't really focus. Will start at Chapter 15 again tomorrow.

Am utterly exhausted. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/07 20:00 Thursday

Two work days down, one to go. My co-worker on the same shift as I am on brought up a suggestion in the morning meeting. He asked our boss if we could go back to ten-hour days. I would like that. Twelve-hour days are hard. My two-cents' worth was that I just don't want to work Sundays. Our boss said he would think about ten-hour days.

Read up to John 15.

Off to finish getting ready for bed. Am exhausted.


2016/01/06 21:00 Wednesday

The drive to work this morning was not pleasant. The freeway had a sheen of ice on it. I didn't have any trouble, though. Was thankful for that.

The part I like most about the parable of the good shepherd is that the sheep follow the shepherd because they know his voice.

Am on John 13.

Off to finish getting ready for bed before I drop.


2016/01/05 18:55 Tuesday

Slept until after 9am again today.

It was snowing hard this morning, and the snow was sticking on the apartment parking lot. Because of that, I rode the fat bike. Did 21.05 miles of laps. Didn't really need to ride the fat bike, as it turned out, as the snow wasn't sticking on the roads around the lake.

Had a haircut appointment this afternoon, and then I went to a bike shop to pick up some bottle cages.

Read up to John 10:19. I like the parable of the good shepherd, so I wanted to stop after that to have it fresh in my mind when I go to bed. Will start at the beginning of John 10 tomorrow, to read that parable again.

Am utterly exhausted again this evening, and will be trying to get up earlier than usual in the morning because the road conditions on the way to Stead might be bad. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/04 20:40 Monday

Busy day. Slept until after 9am. Rode. Went to the cycling club board meeting. Read in the Bible.

Did laps around the park on the Sirrus, but rode to an ATM machine first. Total mileage was 36.16 miles. It was another slow-ride day. Averaged only 13.4 mph.

Am up to Chapter 7 of John.

Am utterly exhausted. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/03 20:55 Sunday

After the church service webcast, I rode 35.92 miles of laps on the Sirrus. My toes turned cold very soon after I started. I misjudged the temperature. It was 38 degrees on my balcony when I started, but it was 27-30 degrees at the park during the ride. I could have put on medium-weight socks under wool socks, and shoe covers over my boots, but I didn't think it would be cold enough to need to do that. Instead, I wore thin sock liners under wool socks, and no shoe covers. Averaged only 13.3 mph. Just didn't have the energy to ride any faster. Maybe I should have rested instead of riding, but whatever is wrong with me, I am too stubborn to let it keep me from riding. I recall the pastor saying quite some time ago that he mowed his lawn one day despite his health problems, and ended up in the hospital due to that. He said that when his wife tried to stop him from doing the mowing, he told her something to the effect of, "I'm a man, and I'm not going to let this disease keep me down."

The sermon today was inspiring, as usual. I especially liked the second point regarding the strategy for strengthening faith. The first point was poignant, though. I am not part of a Christian community. There is no one I can go to in person to strengthen my faith.

A thought that came to mind this evening is that I want to be obedient to God. I'm not sure what I need to do to manifest obedience, though. That bears contemplation. Immersing myself in His presence, bathing myself in prayer, and soaking in His Word are things that come to mind immediately based on today's sermon. I need to raise the intensity level of my time with Him and in His Word.

As noted recently, I frequently give thanks that I am not a female in a Muslim country, or a Muslim, male or female, in any country. I wonder about doing so, though. There is the parable Jesus told at Luke 18:9-14 of the Pharisee and the tax collector in the temple. The Pharisee is full of pride, though, and I am just very grateful to God.

Am on Chapter 6 of the Gospel of John.

It is late. I had wanted to get to bed early, but that didn't happen.


2016/01/02 20:50 Saturday

Made it through the work week.

Read only John 1 this evening. Am too exhausted to read more. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2016/01/01 20:25 Friday

Three work days down, one to go. Will be very busy all during my upcoming weekend. Seems as though I never have time just to relax.

Recently, I decided to try listening to Christian music even though I typically do not care for music. Bought a Casting Crowns acoustic CD. There is a song on it that I really like. It is, "Praise You in This Storm."

Finished Luke this evening.

Frequently have trouble walking by evening time. I stagger a lot. Don't know if it is just from exhaustion, or if there is something else wrong.

Off to finish getting ready for bed. As usual by this time of the night, I am exhausted.