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My purpose is to live for Christ alone.


2014/07/22 17:15 Tuesday

Another day of being on the go nonstop. No rest for the weary. Slept less than 12 hours last night, and was so tired when I got up that I was staggering. Would have slept longer, but got up to use the bathroom, and when I went back to bed, Hope kitty wanted to be petted and wouldn't let me go back to sleep.

Despite the staggering, I did a ride this morning. Did 30.34 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 14.3 mph. Not fast, but not bad considering how tired I was. Just didn't have it in me to push myself.

After the ride, I did laundry. Then I edited the photos from the Kiwanis craft booth. After that, I updated the cycling club ride leader spreadsheet. Seems as though I didn't accomplish much today. The time got away from me.

On facebook, the sister who psychologically abused me answered questions to see what color her "aura" is. She joked about how it was red, and said, "Red!! Well Some former boyfriends used to say that I was an angry (and a bit crazy) young woman so this could be true ! LOL" She went on to joke with someone else about her unresolved anger issues. Having been subjected to being the target for her anger when we were children, I see nothing humorous about it. At least some of the psychological problems I face, such as the severe attachment disorder, are a result of her abuse and the fact that our parents didn't protect me from her.

Haven't heard from Tina since April 5th. That is the last time we exchanged texts. Also, I noticed today that she has unfriended me on facebook. I really don't care; in fact, I'm glad to have her out of my life.

I just want my life to be over.

I am utterly exhausted, and still have to shower.


2014/07/21 19:25 Monday

Wow. What a busy day. Woke up fairly early, after sleeping only about 12 hours. Started off the day with paying bills. Then towed the bike trailer to Costco for groceries. That was a round-trip of 4.98 miles. After that, I did a ride of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Got rained on. It started raining almost right after I started. Put a rain jacket on and kept going. Rode slowly out of an abundance of caution since I didn't want to risk sliding and crashing. The final average was a pitiful 13.4 mph. At the tail end of the ride, I went to my gynecologist's office to make a payment. The total mileage for that ride was 31.39 miles. After the ride, I made a salad for dinner. Finally, I went downtown to take photos of the Kiwanis Bike Program crafts table at Artown. At work, I have been collecting empty cores from tape, paper towels, and toilet paper for their craft project. At their Artown table, kids are making shakers. They put dried beans in the cores and tape them up with colorful duct tape. Tomorrow I will make a CD of the photos and then drop it off after work on Wednesday.

Won't be as busy tomorrow as I have been today, but will need to do laundry, make the photo CD, and update the cycling club ride leader spreadsheet in addition to doing a ride.

It is past my bedtime, and I am bushed. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/07/20 17:15 Sunday

Slept 14 hours last night. Have been up for only eight hours, but am planning on being in bed within about half an hour.

Rode only 22.68 miles today. Did laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 13.3 mph. It was very windy. The wind speed was reported as 29 mph with gusts up to 34 mph. Would have done the usual 30+ miles anyway, but got caught in the rain and decided to quit because of that. There was a downpour going on by the time I stopped. I wish I had waited out the storm under the pavilion at the park, as the rain didn't last all that long.

Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/07/19 18:20 Saturday

My weekend is here. I am thankful to have the next three days off from work.

Don't have any news to report. As usual, am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/07/18 17:50 Friday

Thankfully, I don't have to shower this evening. Am finishing up a mug of Sleepytime Peach tea, and will be getting ready for bed in a few minutes. One more day of work, then it will be my weekend, thank the Lord. This week has gone fast so far, as I have been busy with some challenging troubleshooting. Haven't had time to work on projects, though. Saturdays are typically slower as far as putting out fires in concerned, so it is likely I'll be able to work on projects tomorrow.


2014/07/17 18:25 Thursday

There just aren't enough hours in the day.

Went to the grocery store on the way home from work to pick up some canned kitty food. Hope kitty hasn't been eating much, and I am worried about her. She has been acting normal, other than not eating much, so I'm not going to take her to the vet just yet. I mixed canned food with kibble, and she ate most of what I gave her.

Am off to shower and get ready for bed. Wish I could just collapse into bed now.


2014/07/16 18:05 Wednesday

I wrote yesterday that the encounter with the driver brought up bittersweet memories. Actually, the memories were bittersweet sometime after the ride was over, but at first, I was struck by pain.

Am exhausted, as usual. Am off to get ready for bed. Can't think of anything else to write, as I am too tired to think.


2014/07/15 19:25 Tuesday

Felt better today. Was tired when the alarm went off, and hit snooze for 45 minutes or so, but after a while I felt better.

Did 30.32 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Pushed the pace. Averaged 15.0 mph. Wasn't sure I would finish at that speed, as during the last three laps, I kept getting stuck behind slow-moving traffic. At one point during the ride, when I was in a left-turn lane, a driver pulled up next to me and said I was a good rider. It sounded like the guy who was the maintenance man at the church from which I am in exile when I was there. I didn't get a real good look at the driver, but it could have been him, with the addition of a mustache. That encounter brought up bittersweet memories.

After the ride, I towed the BOB (Beast of Burden) bike trailer to Costco. Just barely fit all my purchases in the trailer. I wasn't sure I would be able to fit it all in, but succeeded.

After that, I had lunch with Amy. Then I went to the bike shop to try different pedals. After getting home I took a much-needed shower. Got a later start on the day than I had hoped, so I didn't have time to shower before lunch, unfortunately.

Skipped the bicycle club meeting this evening. Didn't have time, and wasn't particularly interested in going anyway. The speaker cancelled, so it was going to be a meeting where people shared stories. I wouldn't have had anything to say, and would have been too tired to enjoy listening to stories.

Will be getting to bed much later than I wanted to. The work week looms ahead, unfortunately, and I wanted to get to bed early to help me make it through the next four days.


2014/07/14 17:10 Monday

Was out of bed only about six hours yesterday. Slept only about 12 hours last night. Likely would have slept longer, but Hope kitty was asking for attention. Stayed in bed, but gave her lots of petting. After a while, I got up and took the levothyroxin, then went back to bed for forty-five minutes or so.

Wasn't sure I felt up to riding, but did so anyway. Felt better during and after the ride. Did 30.36 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 14.6 mph, and wasn't pushing myself at all.

Did a few hours of Bible study after the ride.

Am off to get ready for bed now. Have a busy day tomorrow, so I want to get up early.


2014/07/13 16:10 Sunday

Am falling apart. Slept 15 hours last night, watched the late service, then went back to bed and laid there in a fog for almost an hour and a half. Got up, read the news and facebook, then showered. Have been too tired to do a workout. Am planning to be in bed by about 5:30pm.

Amy texted me to let me know that she wouldn't have time to cook today. It is a good thing that dinner at their house is off, as I am too tired to have gone.

Forgot to take my meds last night, and forgot to make coffee this morning. It is getting to the point at which I just can't function due to the exhaustion. How could I forget to make coffee?


2014/07/12 17:20 Saturday

Made it through the work week somehow. Wasn't up to doing much of anything at work today; was just too tired to function very well. Wanted to leave early, but didn't want to take the hit on the paycheck or the paid time off.

Am too tired again tonight to shower. Am off to get ready for bed. Might shower in the morning before the late sermon, or might run before the sermon and then shower afterward. Am not in any condition to think things through right now.


2014/07/11 17:35 Friday

Am too exhausted to shower tonight. Didn't shower last night, so I really should tonight, but just cannot. At least my hair was washed yesterday during my haircut. Am off to get ready for bed before I collapse.


2014/07/10 19:00 Thursday

The work week is half over, thank the Lord. The exhaustion is making it more and more difficult to function.

Had a haircut appointment after work, and then went to the bike shop to pick up a stand. At work, I have been organizing a bike drive for the Kiwanis Bike Program, and we haven't gotten any bikes yet. We had a small bike left over from a couple of years ago, and I have had that on display in the warehouse. Someone suggested putting it in the foyer, and the shop is lending us a stand so that the bike will be steady.

Am too tired to function. Need to get to bed asap.


2014/07/09 19:15 Wednesday

Survived yet another day of work. Hating work and life in general, as usual. I never have understood it when people have said they are thankful to be alive.

Have showered, and am off to finish getting ready for bed now.


2014/07/08 16:35 Tuesday

Have to go back to work tomorrow, much to my dismay. Weekends always seem too short, especially since I sleep 12-15 hours a night on days off.

Was planning on taking the mountain bike to the shop and try different pedals, but by the time I was finished with my ride, I was too tired. Did 30.39 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Today's average was slower; it was only 14.3 mph. Got stuck behind slow-moving traffic at times, as people were gawking at the demolition of the apartments on Eastshore. Also, I just didn't feel up to pushing the pace. Actually, for most of the ride, the average was only 14.1 mph, and I was okay with that.

Am off to get ready for bed. It is only 4:35pm, but I am too tired to function.


2014/07/07 17:40 Monday

Will be getting to bed late this evening. Have had a long, busy day. Did a ride, but again decided to stay close to home. For the last several days, I have had intermittent problems with dizziness when standing up and with unsteady legs. Strangely, though, I have been able to have decent average speeds on my rides. Today I did 30.35 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike and averaged 14.8 mph.

After the ride, I took the bike trailer to the grocery store. Costco doesn't have the mouthwash I like, and there were also a few other items I wanted to pick up. After that, I rode the mountain bike around the apartment parking lot, which encircles the complex, and practiced clipping in and out. The pedals on that bike are mountain bike pedals, and they are quite a bit different from the road bike pedals on my other bikes. I think I'm going to try different mountain bike pedals.

After that, I did laundry. After the laundry, I took a much-needed shower. The hot weather doesn't bother me, but it does result in my having more body odor after workouts.

It is past time for getting ready for bed. Am about to drop.


2014/07/06 18:00 Sunday

Didn't go to Randy and Amy's for dinner today after all. Amy emailed me this morning saying she wasn't feeling well. Was sorry to hear she wasn't feeling well, but it worked out well for me, as it gave me more time to do a workout. Went ahead and rode instead of running. Did 30.34 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. The temperature was 96 degrees in the shade according to the thermometer on my balcony, but heat doesn't bother me. Averaged 14.5 mph. Didn't push myself as hard as I did yesterday. Just pushed moderately hard, but the same principle was in effect. The faster my average was, the harder I worked to make sure the average didn't drop.

The cycling club's Genoa ride and picnic is coming up on August 23rd. Am thinking about changing my RSVP to "no." I haven't been on my road bike for a long time because of my wanting to stay close to home due to my health, and I would want to ride it on the Genoa ride. The normal ride is about 42 miles, so I wouldn't really want to take the commuter bike. Also, I wouldn't want to ride the road bike on the Genoa ride without being used to riding it. However, depending on how I feel tomorrow, I might take the road bike out for a spin. Will probably ride from home to the Galena Market and back. That is only a 19.7 mile round-trip, though, so I suppose I would add on some laps around Virginia Lake to get to 30+ miles. I would ride to Verdi and back instead, which is a little longer of a ride, but the last I heard there was road work being done on 4th Street.

Had slept about 13 hours last night by the time the alarm went off. Will be able to sleep in tomorrow, but have set an alarm for Tuesday morning because I have an appointment for blood work in the mid-morning.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am fading.


2014/07/05 19:20 Saturday

Was in bed for not quite 15 hours last night. Hope kitty woke me up to be petted after about 12 1/2 hours. Couldn't go back to sleep after giving her attention for a time, but was too tired to get up, so I just laid there in a fog.

Took the bike trailer to Costco today. After that, did 30.39 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 14.7 mph. Was surprised that I was able to reach that speed. Started off the ride taking it easy, but eventually reached a 14.0 mph average, and didn't want to drop back down below 14, so I picked up the pace some. As sometimes happens, the faster my average is, the harder I push myself because I don't want to drop below whatever the average happens to be at the time. Ended up pushing myself hard, and saying "Shut up, legs" quite a bit.

Will run instead of riding tomorrow, as I won't have time to ride. Haven't yet figured out what time I will do my workout.

Had better finish getting ready for bed. Am fading fast.


2014/07/04 16:40 Friday

Four days off work coming up, thankfully.

Am exhausted beyond measure. Am drinking a mug of honey-vanilla chamomile tea, and as soon as that is finished, I will be getting ready for bed. That won't be long, as I am drinking it fast. Will be in bed no later than 5:30pm, and hopefully will be asleep not long after that.


2014/07/03 17:45 Thursday

Survived another work day. One more, and then I have four days off. Will be going to Randy and Amy's for an early dinner on Sunday. Will likely take the bike trailer to Costco on Saturday. Don't have any other plans, except for riding and/or running, of course.

Was too tired at work to get much done on my projects. Probably won't feel much better tomorrow, as it is already getting late (for me, anyway), and I still have to shower. I will be the only one in IT working from 8:30am to 3:30pm tomorrow. That is, I will be working from 5am until 3:30pm, but one third shift person will be there until 8:30am.

Had better get in the shower. Need to get to bed asap.


2014/07/02 18:40 Wednesday

Rescheduled the sleep study from July 10th to July 28th. Need to do it on a "weekend." I don't check in until 9pm, and by then, it will be dangerous for me to be driving. Am planning on taking surface streets to the facility. Don't want to have to drive freeway speeds. At least since I will be doing it on one of my weekends, I will have been able to sleep late in the morning.

Almost forgot to post this evening. Am brain-dead from exhaustion. Need to get to bed asap.


2014/07/01 18:40 Tuesday

Another weekend down the tubes. At least I have next Saturday off, so it will be a short work week for me.

Went out to Amy's and got her printer set up. That was a quick process, but there was another issue that I ended up working on. Her McAfee was saying it was expired, but it wasn't. The problem was basically that it was assigned to a different PC name because she had a hard drive replaced. Had to call McAfee. They had me uninstall and reinstall. Had to install it twice, because the first time, it indicated it was installing but it didn't install correctly, maybe because the tech told me not to restart after the uninstall. Anyway, I got it working. It was my first experience with Windows 8. I didn't like it.

Amy fixed us sandwiches, and we ate in their backyard. It was pleasant. Spent a lot more time out there than I had expected to, though, so I didn't have time to do a ride. Went ahead and did a four-mile run, though. Again, my pace was pitifully slow. Had a little trouble with the groin muscle being tight, but at least it didn't feel on the verge of pulling.

Before going to Amy's, I went past their house to where Timberline turns into a dirt road and went down a ways from there. Dumped the sand out of the sandbags I had in my truck bed from last winter. It was good to finally get that done.

Have showered, and am now going to finish getting ready for bed. Will be getting to bed later than I would like. Last night, I went to bed at about 5:45pm, but it took a while for me to get to sleep. Woke up a little before 8am. Am looking forward to dropping into bed.


2014/06/30 17:05 Monday

Was going to have dinner at Randy and Amy's this evening, but I cancelled because we would have been eating too late. I wouldn't have been able to drive home safely afterward. We are going to reschedule for a Sunday at 4pm, since none of us work on Sundays and we could eat early enough for me to get home relatively early. I will be going out to their house tomorrow morning to get Amy's printer to work.

Really had trouble dragging myself out of bed this morning. Laid there in a fog for over an hour after waking because I was too tired to get up. I don't remember how many hours I slept. The exhaustion makes me forgetful.

Did 30.31 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.9 mph. Wasn't trying to go fast; was only trying to finish the 30+ miles. Almost decided to run instead of riding, but wasn't sure how the groin muscle would hold up while running. Figured cycling wouldn't stress it. Toward the end of the ride, I noticed it a little, but it wasn't a problem.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am too tired to function.


2014/06/29 17:50 Sunday

Wanted to be in bed by 5:30pm, but it will be closer to 6:30 by the time I get to bed. Didn't get enough sleep last night. Got to bed late due to having worked late, and then Amy called me at about 7:40am. I don't know why in the world she thought that would be okay. I've told her over and over again that I sleep 12-15 hours a night on my days off. Why would she think I would be up at 7:40am?! Anyway, I didn't answer the phone, and tried to get back to sleep, but after an hour or so I gave up and got out of bed.

Watched the late service. I am thankful that I am able to watch church services without having to go to church.

After the service, I went back to bed for an hour and 15 minutes. Never drifted off to sleep. Just laid there in a fog.

After dragging myself out of bed, I did a four-mile run. Was too tired to ride safely, and also didn't want to take the extra time that riding would require. My pace was embarrassingly slow. For one thing, I am very much slower than when I was younger and running a lot. For another, one of my groin muscles was very sore and was close to being a pulled muscle. Just after getting to the park, I saw the guy who owns the horses, and stopped to talk with him for several minutes.

Washed a load of towels today. Hate doing laundry. Just more drudgery. Everything in life is drudgery.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am fading fast.


2014/06/28 19:25 Saturday

Survived another week of work. Thank the Lord it is now my weekend.

Because the exhaustion makes it difficult to function, I am always concerned I will make a mistake at work. There have been issues in the last few days not with my work, thankfully, but with mistakes two other people in the company have made. That makes me even more keenly aware of the need to be careful and the possibility that a momentary lapse could have serious repurcussions.

Managed to drive home safely and without mishap after work today, thank the Lord. Was concerned that I would be too tired to drive safely after working the late Saturday shift today.

Will have a short work week this coming week. Have to work the Fourth of July, but will have Saturday off as my holiday.

Am fading fast into oblivion. Have to get ready for bed now.


2014/06/27 17:55 Friday

Am too tired to think of anything to say. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/06/26 19:30 Thursday

Had to work late today. There was a last-minute issue in the inventory control department in the warehouse, and they needed someone to run a couple of jobs and then print a job on the mainframe. At least I wasn't quite as exhausted today as usual.

Will have to work a later shift than normal this Saturday. Will be working 7am-5:30pm instead of 5am-3:30pm. Even though I will be able to sleep a little later, working until 5:30pm will be very difficult. The drive home will probably be dicey.

Had to shower tonight, so I will be getting to bed much later than I would like. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2014/06/25 17:40 Wednesday

Have been utterly exhausted again today, as usual. At least I made progress on a project at work. Won't be going to the BPAC meeting. At least I don't have to shower before bed this evening. Made a salad soon after getting home, and regretted it. Wish I hadn't taken the time to prepare it and eat it. It is hard to survive when having to go to bed within two or three hours of getting home from work.

Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/06/24 16:50 Tuesday

Another weekend over too quickly. My weekends aren't much of a respite given that I spend more time asleep than awake during them.

Ran instead of riding again today. Didn't have time to ride. Went to the doctor in the morning. Might have him redo the surgery, but not until late September or early October. Since I will be hitting my out-of-pocket maximum this year, if it needs to be redone, it will need to be done this year.

Ran about three miles. My legs were sore from yesterday before I started, and they are even more sore now. I guess I don't care. Am too stubborn to give up workouts.

After the run, I did laundry. Then I ate, and then showered. Since I showered last night, I would have waited until tomorrow night to shower again, but I might go to a BPAC (Bicycle Pedestrian Advisory Committee) meeting tomorrow evening. Will probably be too tired, but showered tonight just in case.

Have been utterly exhausted all day. Am off to finish getting ready for bed. Wanted to get to bed by 4pm, but had too much to do.


2014/06/23 18:25 Monday

Slept 13 1/2 hours again last night, and have been utterly exhausted all day. Paid bills first thing this morning, then went to Costco, and then had lunch with Randy and Amy from the bike shop. Drove to Costco today, as I needed more things than would fit in the trailer, and also, time is even more precious than usual this weekend.

After lunch, I did a run. Didn't have time for a bike ride. My pace was pitifully slow. Did about four miles.

Have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, and at some point tomorrow I will need to do laundry. Don't know yet if I will ride or run for tomorrow's workout.

Have scheduled the sleep test. At this point, it is scheduled for July 23rd. I asked for a Monday so I wouldn't have to take a day off from work the next day, but am thinking I should just take a day off if it would mean getting in sooner. Don't know how much longer my body can hold on in a state of constant exhaustion. Maybe I'll get lucky and drop dead.

Am off to bed now. Have already showered and taken care of all the rest of the bedtime drudgery.


2014/06/22 17:50 Sunday

Slept 13 1/2 hours last night. Slept until the alarm went off, and dozed a while longer using the snooze function. Watched the late sermon. Had trouble concentrating on it due to exhaustion. After the service, I went back to bed. Set a timer for one hour. Was still bushed. Even so, I did a ride. Did 30.39 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 13.7 mph. At least I finished the 30+ miles. After I had already started the ride, it occurred to me that I should have done a run instead. I could have run just three miles and gotten a decent workout, since I am not used to running. That would have taken me less than 30 minutes, as opposed to the 2 hours and 15 minutes a 30+ mile ride on the commuter bike takes.

Am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/06/21 19:10 Saturday

Made it through the entire work day today. Have been leaving early on Saturdays due to the exhaustion, but I was determined to stay all day today because I didn't want to take another hit on either my paycheck or my vacation time. Felt better today than I have the last few Saturdays.

Am hoping to wake up early enough to do a ride before the late sermon tomorrow.

Am fading fast. Have already showered. Need to finish getting ready for bed asap.


2014/06/20 18:15 Friday

Amy from the bike shop called me as I was pulling out of the parking lot at work this afternoon. Pulled over to talk and found out she was at the shop, so I dropped by there before coming home. There was some cycling club business she wanted to talk to me about. For one thing, she will be starting another mountain bike skills clinic on July 6th. I will be going to that to help me continue to improve my skills.

When I got home, I checked my email. Found a notice of my NV Energy bill being due, and it was about twice what I would expect. Logged on to my account thinking there was some mistake. There was indeed a mistake, but it was my mistake. I forgot to pay the power bill last month.

Did some Bible reading at work today. Had to install software on two PCs from a six-disk set. Each install took about an hour. Since I had to switch disks, I had to babysit the install process. Settled in with Logos on my iPhone. It was good to spend some time in God's Word.

Am not going to log on to facebook this evening. Have been spending too much time on it even though I typically just scan posts.

Have been utterly exhausted all day. Have to get to bed asap.


2014/06/19 19:20 Thursday

Another work day down. Today also went by fast due to being busy. Will be getting to bed later than I wanted to. Have been exhausted all day, as usual. Have already showered. Now am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2014/06/18 18:30 Wednesday

The work day went by fast today. Was busy. After work, I ran an errand. Came home, ate, read the news and facebook, and now am going to get ready for bed. Exhaustion has set in.


2014/06/17 18:15 Tuesday

Was in bed for about 13 hours last night, and slept more than 12 of that. After waking up, I laid there in a fog for a while trying to muster the energy to get out of bed. Then, after being out of bed for two hours, I went back to bed and laid there in a fog for about two hours. This is no way to live.

While I lay in bed in a fog, my mind often wanders through memories. I have no happy memories. All memories that could be happy have pain associated with them. My response to memories is typically, "It's over. Thank the Lord it's over."

Had a minor crisis today. The bathroom sink was draining slowly, and I tried to fix it myself. Bent the end of a coat hanger and stuck it down the drain to try to pull out the blockage. Got the coat hanger stuck in the drain. Didn't want to try to pull hard on it for fear I would break off part of the lip on which it was stuck. Had to do emergency bathroom and living room cleaning before I could call the apartment office. One of the maintenance guys came and just got a good grip on it with pliers and yanked it out. He also cleaned out the overflow drain, which he said was the problem in the first place. He said that air needed to flow through that in order for the water to drain well in the sink, as when it is plugged it creates a vacuum.

Felt a little better mid-day, so I decided to go ahead and ride. However, by the time I got around to riding, I was very tired again. Really didn't think I would be able to do the 30+ miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike, but I somehow managed to hold on and do 30.30 miles. Was in a fog the whole time. Averaged only 13.4 mph. It was just a little windy when I started, but toward the end the wind kicked up fairly strongly. It wasn't nearly as bad as yesterday, though.

Was planning on going to the cycling club meeting this evening. Am too exhausted, though. Felt a little better for a while after the ride, but am back in a state of exhaustion. Was hoping to be in bed by now, but still have to shower. Got tied up trying to make my Keurig coffee brewer work. Started a descale process earlier today, even though the display didn't say it needed a descale, because sometimes there is no output. It was still happening even after the descale. Will descale it again next weekend and see if that helps. Will also poke a paper clip in the piece the water comes out of to try to clean that out before starting the descale process. Sometimes the paper clip helps.

Had better get in the shower and get to bed asap.


2014/06/16 16:35 Monday

Had a very rough time of it trying to drag myself out of bed this morning in time for the mammo appointment. Have been exhausted all day. After the appointment, I laid down to rest for a while, but that didn't help.

When I got up, I took the bike trailer to Costco. It was windy, but I wanted to do a regular ride anyway. After putting the groceries away, I took the commuter bike out to ride laps around the park. Gave up after 10.83 miles. It was just too windy. The wind speed reported by accuweather when I finished was 15 mph with gusts up to 28 mph. However, I think there was a lag in their reporting of the conditions. A while after I finished, they were reporting a wind speed of 25 mph with gusts up to 32 mph. I think that is more like what I was experiencing. When I gave up, I considered putting in some miles on the trainer, but decided against it. Was just too tired.

Am off to get ready for bed now. Am planning on being in bed by 5pm.


2014/06/15 18:20 Sunday

The first day of my weekend is over. Time away from work passes too fast.

Slept about 12 1/2 hours last night. Woke up early enough to do a ride before the late service. Did 30.31 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 13.7 mph. Just didn't have it in me to push the pace, and besides, it was windy. Had hoped to practice MTB skills after the service, but was too tired. Maybe I will do so tomorrow or Tuesday.

Saw a post on Facebook that said, "Kids curse like sailors in school and no one bats an eye. Kid says a prayer in school and everyone loses their minds." Had to share that.

Am ready for bed. Have to get up early tomorrow morning for the mammo appointment.


2014/06/14 16:25 Saturday

Left work early today. Wasn't making any progress on the project I was working on. Was just too exhausted. Went by the bike shop after work and picked up some ergonomic grips that I had ordered for my commuter bike. Put those on, and also adjusted the brake and shifting levers on my mountain bike so the position would be better with the new ergonomic grips I had put on my mountain bike recently. Should have just gone to bed instead of working on the bikes. Am utterly exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2014/06/13 17:40 Friday

Three down, one to go.

As I have noted, it is getting harder and harder to function due to the exhaustion. Yesterday, while running the errands after work, I made not one, but two unsafe left turns. I'm thankful not to have caused a wreck. Also, on Wednesday evening, I forgot to take my meds. Almost forgot last night, and when I checked the pill case, the pills for Wednesday were still there. Just don't know what to do. I sleep as much as I can.

Have a mammo appointment on Monday morning, so I won't be able to sleep in that day. Am thinking I will sleep in on Sunday instead of getting up to practice mountain biking skills before the late service. I can head up to the hills for MTB practice after the mammo appointment.

Still have to shower this evening. Had better do that right away and then get to bed asap.


2014/06/12 18:50 Thursday

Two work days down, two to go. Stopped for gasoline on the way home, then went to Trader Joe's. Ran into a woman from work who has been out for the last two weeks due to health problems. She didn't see me at first, but I called to her and caught her attention. That was a big mistake. She talked my ear off. I just wanted to escape.

Am too tired to function. Had better get ready for bed asap.


2014/06/11 19:40 Wednesday

One day of work down... Three more to go. Did get some good news at work not long ago. The IT manager is no longer thinking about having us work 12-hour shifts if the warehouse goes to a 24-7 operation. Instead, he is planning on hiring if that comes to pass.

Am thinking I will practice mountain biking skills on Sunday before the late service. I have an ulterior motive... I still have the sandbags in my truck, and I want to break them open and dump the sand somewhere. They are coming apart, so I don't want to store them in my sister's garage. The place where the mtb skills clinic met last week would be a good spot. I would have done it last week, but was running short on time to get back to watch the service.

Will be getting to bed later than I would like. Ran an errand after work, and had to shower this evening. Went to bed at 5:30pm last night, but had trouble falling asleep. It was after 7 o'clock by the time I drifted off.


2014/06/10 16:10 Tuesday

My weekend is just about over, much to my dismay.

Voted this morning. Rode the commuter bike to the polling place. After that, I did 30.41 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Was tired, but somehow managed to average 14.8 mph. Starting out, I was taking it easy, and my only goal was to finish the 30+ miles. Wasn't sure I was going to be able to do so. As with the ride yesterday, though, the higher the average got, the more motivated I was to push the pace. Unfortunately, the fatigue made it hard to concentrate on prayer, but I did get through my prayer list during the ride. As to the creaking noise I had heard the last couple of days, it is gone. Forgot to mention yesterday that there wasn't much wind when I started, but by the time I finished, it was very windy. Today, there wasn't any wind to speak of. Started the ride fairly early today. After the ride, I got the laundry out of the way. Am quite tired. It is only about 4pm, but I'm thinking about getting ready for bed very soon. I will definitely be in bed no later than 5:30pm.


2014/06/09 18:25 Monday

Strangely, am not feeling all that exhausted right now. Am tired, but not drop-dead exhausted. Slept about 11 1/2 hours last night. Spent the morning researching candidate positions and deciding for whom to vote. Then went for a ride. Did 30.38 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Was struggling, but managed to average 14.3 mph. It was a "shut up, legs" day. Early in the ride, my average was below 14 mph, and then when it hit 14, I pushed the pace so I would be more likely to keep it at 14 at least. Then I hit 14.1 mph, and pushed the pace more, as I wanted to stay at least there, which led to 14.2 and pushing the pace even more, which finally led to 14.3 mph. Wore out the legs. When going up and down the stairs at my apartment, my legs have been tired.

A creak has developed on my commuter bike. It only happens when I am out of the saddle going uphill and am putting leverage on the bars. Took it into the shop, and of course, it couldn't be duplicated. Randy thinks it may have been the front axle, and that it may have been cured by the fact that I took the front wheel off to get it on the fork rack in my truck bed and then put it back on. He put some lube on the axle, and also where the bars attach to the stem just in case. If the noise persists, I'll take it back tomorrow for additional diagnostics.

One more day off from work. Will ride over to the polling place in the morning, and then will do a ride. Will need to do laundry tomorrow also. Am glad I don't have any doctor's appointments to deal with tomorrow.

Guess I'll get ready for bed now, and see how soon I fall asleep. As noted above, I am not exhausted, so I don't know if I will fall asleep right after going to bed.


2014/06/08 16:00 Sunday

Am exhausted, as usual, but am not as depressed as I have been. Got up early to go the mountain bike skills clinic. For a while at first during the ride, I just didn't want to be there because I felt too tired to function. We started off on a fire road, and were climbing some fairly steep sections. The plan was to cut across a couple of creeks to a single-track section. (Single-track means it is wide enough for one bike only.) I wanted to skip the single-track and just ride back the way we came on the fire road, but the other two people talked me into going ahead and riding the single-track. I'm glad they did. The challenges of single-track, such as rocks to be avoided or ridden over, make it more fun. I didn't notice the exhaustion as much on the single-track, maybe because it was mostly downhill, and I am thinking I might have had some adrenaline in my system, too. I did much better than I expected to on the single-track.

After the ride, I came home and watched the late service. Then I laid down to rest for an hour. Wasn't able to drift off to sleep, and still felt exhausted when I got up. Despite that, I got on the commuter bike and rode 30.31 miles of laps around the park. Averaged only 13.6 mph, but at least I managed to finish 30+ miles. Wasn't sure I would be able to.

Am about to drop from exhaustion. Had better get ready for bed right away. Thankfully, I don't have any appointments tomorrow, so I can sleep late.


2014/06/07 17:45 Saturday

It was nice leaving work early today. At work, I had time to wrap up some things left over from yesterday, and then did some work on a more-or-less overdue project before leaving.

After leaving work, I took care of a bicycle club task, then pulled the bike trailer to Costco. Was able to fit everything I bought in the trailer, but with very little room to spare. Am getting better at judging how much it will hold. After putting the groceries away, I rode the mountain bike around the apartment complex (the parking lot is basically a ring road surrounding the apartments) to try to get used to the new type of clipless pedals I now have. I was able to unclip without a problem, but I'm not confident that I can keep my shoe secure on the pedal when not clipped in. Sometimes it is advisable to ride with one shoe unclipped, but the shoe and pedal combination I now have results in the shoe sliding on the pedal unless the positioning is just right. Hopefully I won't crash at the mountain bike skills clinic tomorrow morning.

Am fading fast. Am too tired to think. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2014/06/06 18:30 Friday

Hope kitty does indeed like her new cat tree, but she still likes the old one too. She jumps between them sometimes. Have decided to keep both and order a new post for the old one to replace the post with the sisal bands coming off.

Made it through another work day. Will be leaving work early tomorrow. Need to make a Costco run and also get plenty of rest before Sunday morning's MTB skills clinic. Hopefully I will get home from that in time to watch the late church service. I think I will be able to.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am too tired to function.


2014/06/05 19:00 Thursday

Made it through another day. Have been busy at work. Am still having difficulty functioning.

Will be getting to bed later than I wanted to. Got sidetracked ordering shorts online to wear to work. After that, I showered. Now it is time to finish getting ready for bed before I drop.


2014/06/04 18:05 Wednesday

Am having more and more difficulty functioning. Don't know what else to do. Maybe the sleep specialist will be able to help.

Went by Costco after work to pick up two scrips, one from the sleep specialist, and one from the endo. No, I didn't call this morning to make sure that both scrips had been called in. I just haven't learned the lesson that most medical staff personnel are incompetent. The nurse at the endo's office who barely speaks English didn't call in the Synthroid scrip. I have enough to last me for a while, but it would have been nice to have picked up both scrips today.

Am off to get ready for bed before I collapse.


2014/06/03 15:55 Tuesday

Another day of utter exhaustion. Went to the sleep specialist's appointment this morning. Will be scheduling a polysomnagraph apnea test as soon as they clear it through the insurance company.

Will also be starting to take Synthroid again. The TSH level was high on the last lab test. Will be getting another lab test in six weeks. Had to deal with talking on the phone to a nurse at the endo's office who barely speaks English. She also gave me wrong information on the Synthroid dose, which I found out when I spoke with someone else from the office.

Was too tired to ride today. Thought about riding the trainer since I wouldn't have to be alert while riding it, but was too tired even to ride it.

Am staggering again due to the exhaustion. Have to shower and then get to bed ASAP.

This is no way to live.


2014/06/02 16:55 Monday

Have been exhausted all day. Pulled my bike trailer to the grocery store this morning. After that, I rode to the podiatrist's office. He was running late, so I was there for a long time. Then I rode to the bike shop for miscellaneous things, and they were really busy, so it took a long time. Amy bought me lunch while I was there, so I was able to eat while waiting. Wanted to ride today, but didn't have time after all that, and besides, I was too tired. Washed towels and cycling gear, then laid down to rest for 45 minutes. Would have liked to have rested longer instead of doing laundry, but really needed to wash washcloths and wanted to get it out of the way today in case I don't have time tomorrow. Have an appointment with the sleep specialist tomorrow.

Am off to the cycling club board meeting now. Just want to go to bed, but am going to the meeting anyway.


2014/06/01 17:40 Sunday

Am not hating life quite as much today as I have in the last couple of days. Being away from work helps. It is frustrating when I have to deal with the failure of my coworkers to do what they should be doing. Worse, given that I am having more and more trouble functioning, I have not been as quick to catch it when things have been done wrong or not done at all.

Anyway, I got up early this morning and went to the mountain bike skills clinic. Was nervous at first, but ended up doing well. Am getting the hang of mountain biking. After the skills clinic, I watched the late service. After that, I did 30.32 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 13.7 mph, but wasn't pushing myself at all. Was in a fog of exhaustion the whole time.

Have a podiatrist's appointment tomorrow morning, and then I will be going to the bike shop to try out some different mountain bike pedals. Want to do a ride, also. Might go to the grocery store or to Costco if I have time. There is a bicycle club board meeting tomorrow evening, so I will be short on time.

Took a nice hot shower, and now am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2014/05/31 19:05 Saturday

Another day at work in which I had to clean up a mess because someone neglected to do something before putting a device in the replacement stock.

Worked from 7am-5:30pm today instead of my usual 5am-3:30pm, as something had to be taken care of at 4:30pm.

Will be getting up early tomorrow morning to go to the mountain bike skills clinic. Unfortunately, I will be getting to bed late this evening because of today's work schedule.

Really don't want to live anymore. Everything is drudgery, with the possible exception of riding. Really wish I had gotten the suicide kit before the woman who made them got her business shut down. I could make my own, but it would take an effort, and I'm not sure I could do it correctly. I'm such a loser that I would likely botch any method of suicide I might try.


2014/05/30 18:50 Friday

Again this evening, I almost forgot to post. It is getting harder and harder to function. To make matters worse, I have had to deal with out-of-the-ordinary problems at work. Have had to put my thinking cap on to solve them. Also had frustrations from things such as non-functional devices being put in the stock of replacements, and such as mis-configured devices also being put in replacement stock. That severely impeded the troubleshooting process.

Somehow, I have to get the courage to off myself. There just isn't any reason for me to live, and there are numerous reasons to die.


2014/05/29 19:05 Thursday

Almost forgot to post this evening. Wouldn't want anyone to worry.

Had a haircut appointment after work, then had to update a ride posting. Read the news, ate, and now am going to get ready for bed before I collapse.


2014/05/28 16:50 Wednesday

Slept about 11 hours last night, and have been exhausted all day. Was going to ride the road bike to Verdi today, but it seemed best not to, as I was so exhausted this morning that I was staggering. Went ahead and rode laps around the park on the commuter bike. Figured if I lost my balance and crashed, and wanted to head for home, I wouldn't have far to go. Did 30.35 miles. Averaged only 13.6 mph. It wasn't windy when I started, but the wind and gusts were strong by the time I finished. After that ride, I took the bike trailer to Costco.

Am too tired to function. Need to get to bed ASAP.


2014/05/27 19:05 Tuesday

Slept a little over 15 hours last night. Had to shower before riding, since I was too tired to shower last night. By the time I got on the road, the wind gusts were reported at 32 mph. Had planned to ride the road bike to Verdi, but it was too windy. Rode laps around the park on the commuter bike instead. Then rode to the doctor's office to make a payment, and after that I rode to the bike shop to check out some grips. The total mileage was 34.01 miles, and the average was only 13.4 mph. By the time I finished, the wind speed was 26 mph with gusts of 39 mph. Survived, but that was about it. Wanted to take the bike trailer to Costco, but was tired, and was tired of fighting the wind. Will try tomorrow afternoon. Have the day off from work tomorrow. It is my day off for the Memorial Day holiday. Am hoping to get on the road early in the morning and ride to Verdi before the wind gets too strong. Am getting to bed late, though, so that might not happen. Am fading fast. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/05/26 17:10 Monday

Had a good ride this morning. Rode before the wind came up. Did 30.26 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 14.6 mph. Am glad I rode when I did, as this afternoon the wind speed has been 24 mph with gusts up to 34 mph.

Also rode the 2.55 mile round-trip to the grocery store for ketchup a couple of hours ago. The downstairs neighbor cooked a meatloaf for me for my birthday, and I was out of ketchup. She had thought it was tomorrow, and was going to cook the meatloaf tomorrow, but when I told her it was yesterday, she cooked it for me today. So much for being on a diet.

Did laundry first thing this morning before riding. Got that chore out of the way early. Had a lot of trouble sleeping last night, and got tired of laying awake in bed this morning.

Need to get to bed soon. Am getting too tired to function.


2014/05/25 17:10 Sunday

Did fairly well at the mountain bike skills clinic. Had to walk on a couple of stretches, but am getting more comfortable with riding rocky areas.

Did 30.33 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike after watching the late service. Was tired, but still managed to average 14.4 mph. The average might have been faster if I hadn't gotten stuck behind slow-moving traffic a few times.

Wanted to take the bike trailer to Costco after the ride, but lost what little steam I had. Figured it would be swamped there today anyway. Will go on Tuesday.

Am fading fast. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2014/05/24 17:30 Saturday

Had a good start to the day, then had to spend close to a couple of hours fixing something that a co-worker didn't take care of properly. That co-worker irritates the living daylights out of me. Thankfully, I only have to work with him one day a week.

Left work two hours early. Stopped by the bike shop on my way home to check out some grips and to order the ones I want in the correct size. Also bought myself a birthday present (it is tomorrow) while there. They recently started selling jerseys and shorts with the shop logo on them, and I splurged and bought both a jersey and a pair of shorts.

Had a great experience while at the bike shop. Someone I haven't seen in many years walked in the door. It was great to see her. I gave her my phone number, and hopefully we will have lunch soon.

Am planning on going to the mountain bike skills clinic tomorrow morning before watching the late service online. Had better get to bed ASAP. Already showered. Figured if I waited until the morning, I wouldn't drag myself out of bed in time. Am exhausted again, or perhaps I should say "still." Have almost forgotten what it is like not to be exhausted.


2014/05/23 17:15 Friday

Another day of exhaustion. One more day of work, then I have a four-day weekend. I have Wednesday off for the Memorial Day holiday.

Was recognized today for my part in a project at work. That was cool.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am too tired to think straight.


2014/05/22 18:05 Thursday

Have been exhausted all day. Wanted to go to an RTC open house on the Keystone corridor, but there was no way I could. Am so tired I am staggering. Still have to shower, though. Hope I manage to stay upright.


2014/05/21 17:45 Wednesday

Went to the cycling club meeting last night, but didn't stay for the whole time. Made it home in one piece despite being exhausted. Got to bed late, and had trouble falling asleep, which compounded the problem.

There was a deluge of rain and hail when I was leaving work today. The front of my pants was soaked by the time I made it to my truck. The hail stopped soon after I left work, but on most of the drive home, the rain was coming down harder than I have ever seen it rain in this area. Traffic on the freeway was holding it down to about 45 mph. Visibility was an issue, even with the wipers going full-speed.

I am thankful to have a good job, but it is discouraging and frustrating to have to deal with certain people at work. I just don't have the energy to keep on going. I just want to give up and kill myself.


2014/05/20 13:25 Tuesday

There is a cycling club meeting tonight that I will probably attend. Am tired, but have time to take a nap for a couple of hours.

Did 30 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 17.2 mph. Struggled. It was a "shut up, legs" day. Could have ridden outside despite the rain, as I have appropriate riding gear, but decided against it. Don't like the road grit that gets on the gear when riding in the rain. Also, I had a couple of bottles of Cytomax already mixed in the refrigerator that I wanted to use. Didn't want to take cold Cytomax on a ride in the cold rain.

Am off to nap.


2014/05/19 17:20 Monday

Didn't sleep well last night. Got up early and dropped my truck off for service. Unfortunately, it needed more work than I thought. All in all, it cost a little over $725. Had to put it on a credit card. My financial situation is getting more and more hopeless.

Did 30.33 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.8 mph. Also rode to and from the dealership, but that was only 6.74 miles round-trip.

Am off to get ready for bed. Wanted to get to bed earlier, but the truck wasn't done as early as I had hoped. Did lay down to rest for an hour and a quarter earlier while waiting for the truck to be ready.


2014/05/18 16:55 Sunday

It has been a long day. Got up early this morning to take part in a mountain bike skills clinic taught by Amy. I was nervous and tentative on the dirt, but got more confident towards the end. Came home, watched the late sermon, and then hit the road on the commuter bike. Quit after 5.47 miles due to windy conditions. Looked at accuweather not long after I quit, and they reported wind gusts of 38 mph.

Am having some work done on my truck tomorrow starting at 8am, and was going to drop it off this afternoon. Was going to take the commuter bike and ride home. However, due to the wind, I decided to get up early again tomorrow and take it in then.

Went to Costco and picked up a few items, including a new cat tree for Hope kitty. The one she already had needs a new post, as she has scratched it so much that the sisal rings are coming off one post. If my friend Dan wants that one, I will order a new post and give it to him. The one I got from Costco has features that I think Hope will like better. So far, that seems to be accurate.

Am exhausted, as usual, and need to get to bed.


2014/05/17 15:00 Saturday

Left work two hours early again today. Was too exhausted to function. Prayed again that I would make it home safely and without mishap. Thankfully, I did. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2014/05/16 17:15 Friday

Almost called in sick today due to exhaustion. Did go to work, but left two hours early. It was an answered prayer when I got home safely and without mishap. I can't walk without staggering at this point.

Had to take care of some cycling club tasks, so I am getting to bed later than I wanted. Am off to get ready for bed before I collapse.


2014/05/15 19:00 Thursday

Am barely able to function due to the exhuastion. Am off to get ready for bed. Needed to get to bed sooner, but had cycling club issues to deal with. Didn't finish, but cannot continue. It will have to wait until tomorrow.


2014/05/14 17:40 Wednesday

Another day of exhaustion. It is really affecting my ability to function. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/05/13 18:55 Tuesday

Another weekend gone. Back to work tomorrow, unfortunately.

Have been on the go nonstop today. Started the day off with a doctor's appointment. He will be referring me to a sleep specialist and a dermatologist. Just one of the curses I suffer is acne. After the doctor's appointment, I went to Squeeze In, then to Scolari's. Bought the last two containers they had of the eye cream I like, and also found chamomile mango tea there. Then I went to Costco for gasoline. After that, I got riding gear on and took the bike trailer to Costco for groceries. Then did 30.43 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Struggled, but still managed to average 14.1 mph. Was very tired, and when I started out, my only goal was to finish the 30+ miles, and I wasn't sure I would be able to meet that goal. After a while, though, I picked up the pace, and toward the end, I was trying hard to increase the average speed. Came home, ate, read the news, and then took a nice hot shower.

Am off to bed now. Am absolutely bushed, and will be getting to bed later than I wanted to.


2014/05/12 17:50 Monday

Hope kitty has been showing an interest in going outdoors lately. Have thought about getting her a harness and taking her out on a leash. Ordered a harness today. A facebook friend posted photos of his cats outside on leads attached to a harness called a Kitty Holster. It looks like a good harness. We'll see how Hope kitty likes it.

Slept about 11 hours last night. Woke up feeling a little better than usual in the morning. That didn't last long, though. Did laundry, and by the time I was done with that, I was bushed. Thought about going back to bed, but didn't do so.

Went ahead and rode despite being tired. Did 30.34 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 14.3 mph. The average was 14.4 mph until I pulled into the apartment complex, so I was right on the cusp of that extra 0.1 mph. That was the average according to my Garmin GPS unit, anyway. The computer that has a sensor on the wheel registered 13.9 mph. The difference is due to the fact that the Garmin has an auto-pause feature that I have set to 5 mph. When I go below that speed, the timer pauses. Having auto-pause set results in a more accurate gauge of the average, as it doesn't record the speed when I am herding geese or moving slowly while waiting for pedestrians.

Wanted to take the bike trailer to Costco today after the ride, but decided to wait until tomorrow due to being tired. Hopefully I will find the time to do it tomorrow. Will ride the standard 30+ miles at some point. Have a doctor's appointment at 9am, then will be going to Squeeze In for breakfast. I have a $10 off coupon for my birthday, which is on May 25th. After that, will be going to Scolari's for a few items, one of which I haven't found elsewhere. Then it will be off to Costco for gasoline. I might just do my Costco trip using the truck tomorrow, since I need gasoline anyway. Or maybe I'll get gasoline after work on Wednesday. Don't know. Am too tired to think. Am off to get ready for bed. Wanted to get to bed before this, but got sidetracked by ordering the Kitty Holster. Am fading fast and hard.


2014/05/11 19:15 Sunday

Couldn't relate to today's sermon at all. It sang the praises of mothers, and of women in general. However, I despise women. I put up with them because there is no other choice. There has never been a woman I would like to emulate. As to my mother, her legacy was to give me an exceedingly severe case of attachment disorder, resulting from her neglecting to protect me from an abusive sister and neglect of me in general. As one of my teachers said to me after she died, I was better off without her. That was one of the teachers that told my mother I should see a psychologist because I didn't trust people. When my mother told me what they said and asked me if I didn't trust people, of course I lied to her, because I wouldn't have trusted a psychologist. I am thankful that she died long ago. Unfortunately, though, her legacy continues and will to the day I die.

Rode 30.40 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.5 mph. Didn't have the energy to ride, but rode anyway. Afterward, I used a chain scrubber and cleaned up the drive train on that bike. That was the first time I had used a chain scrubber. Amy at the bike shop warned me they were messy. I'm glad she did, as I was prepared because of that.

Will be getting to bed later than I would like. Probably shouldn't have taken the time to scrub the chain, but wanted to get it out of the way. Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.


2014/05/10 16:20 Saturday

Yet another day of exhaustion. Went to the KTMB cleanup event, and then to the barbecue they hosted for volunteers afterward. Was hoping to be able to ride after that, but was just too exhausted. Laid down for an hour in the hope that I would feel up to riding, but that didn't help. Am off to get ready for bed. Will be in bed by 5pm.


2014/05/09 18:00 Friday

Another day of exhaustion. Was on the go non-stop at work again today, too. At least I finished a project. That is a relief. Well, actually, I haven't finished updating a database associated with the project, but that can be done next week, and it doesn't depend upon user availability. The project is the replacement of Windows XP PCs with Windows 7 ones, which involved user setups among other things. Some of our users can be hard to pin down, especially the managers who travel. The actual due date is May 16th, so I was cutting it a little close.

Looks like I won't have to work tomorrow. My co-worker is planning on being there. I let the manager know that he can call me if my co-worker needs to leave, and I will go in to work. Also told my co-worker that via email.

Will be doing the KTMB Community Cleanup tomorrow from 8am-12pm or so, and then there will be a picnic at Bartley Ranch. The spot we will be cleaning is a park in Sun Valley.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am so bushed I can barely function.


2014/05/08 17:40 Thursday

Am exhausted, as usual. Would like to collapse into bed now, before I drop. Still have to shower, though.

Might have to work Saturday after all. There are only two of us in IT on Saturdays, and the guy I work with is having medical problems and doesn't know if he will be able to be back at work on Saturday. Have mixed feelings about it.... I could use the overtime pay, and the time to catch up on some work, but on the other hand, I would like to be part of the KTMB cleanup on Saturday. Will leave it in the Lord's hands; He knows best.

Am off to hit the shower and get to bed.


2014/05/07 18:10 Wednesday

Two work days down, two to go.... Was swamped all day. Got one task done, though, that was frustrating me. Wasn't very nice to someone who called in an incident this morning. Went back to her workstation this afternoon and apologized. Have been in a foul mood both days this week, in part because I have been exhausted and in part because I have too much work to take care of. To make matters worse, the IT manager is talking about the possibility of having us work 12-hour days. We would work three days one week and four the next. I told him I didn't think I could work 12-hour days, and that I would have to put a cot in my office.

Speaking of sleeping furniture, I'm off to get ready for bed before I pass out from exhaustion.


2014/05/06 18:55 Tuesday

Work has been exceedingly frustrating lately. Things just keep going wrong. Being exhausted has made matters even worse.

Got my hot shower out of the way; now am going to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2014/05/05 16:50 Monday

Went to the dentist this morning to pick up my night guard, then went by the bike shop to pick up a chain cleaner and solvent. Thought about going back to bed after that, even though I slept over 12 hours last night. Instead, I put on cycling gear and took my bike trailer to Costco for a few items. Felt a little better after getting some exercise. Then I did 30.47 miles of laps around the park. It was really windy, but not as bad as yesterday. accuweather reported the wind speed at 17 mph with gusts up to 26 mph. Did a lot of herding geese across the road. There was one group of geese that kept going back and forth between someone's lawn and the lake. Averaged only 12.6 mph, but actually expected the average to be slower than that.

There is a cycling club leadership meeting tonight. Should probably skip it and get to bed, but am going to go anyway.


2014/05/04 18:45 Sunday

Have been having a rough time of it the last few days. Slept about 12 hours last night. Went back to bed for a short time before watching the late sermon. Should have gone back to bed sooner. Was having trouble paying attention to the sermon because of fatigue. To make matters worse, part of the sermon brought to mind very painful memories. After the sermon, I went back to bed again. Finally dragged myself out of bed and did a ride.

Did 30.20 miles of laps around the park. Didn't know if I would be able to meet the goal of 30+ miles. Was tired, and it was very windy. The accuweather app was reporting the wind speed being at 20 mph with 30 mph gusts. Actually felt better during the ride than beforehand. Averaged only 12.3 mph. The wind made me struggle. There were time when I unclipped my right foot from its clipless pedal because I was concerned I would lose my balance from wind gusts.

Will only have two days off this weekend. Will be working Tuesday - Friday this week so that I will be able to volunteer with the Green Team at work to help out with the KTMB Community Cleanup on Saturday.

The downstairs neighbor is still driving me batty. Is it a sin that I can't tolerate her?

Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.


2014/05/03 16:20 Saturday

The exhaustion has been even worse today. Was barely able to function at work for most of the day. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/05/02 17:30 Friday

Another day of being utterly exhausted. At least I don't have to shower this evening. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/05/01 17:20 Thursday

Am utterly exhausted again today. Still need to shower. Am off to do that and then get to bed.


2014/04/30 17:20 Wednesday

Made it through most of the day feeling not quite as tired as I have been, but am utterly exhausted now. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/04/29 18:05 Tuesday

Rode to Raley's this morning for chamomile mango tea, but apparently they no longer carry it. Rats. Then I rode to the bank. Soon after that, I rode to the doctor's office for my final post-op. After an exam, he said it would be about another two weeks before I would be healed fully. I told him I had been going by his having told me I would be off restrictions in six weeks. He said that was fine, and that basically the only restriction still in place is that I wouldn't be able to have sex for another two weeks. That is fine with me, as I am celibate and perfectly content to be that way.

Didn't ride to Verdi today. The legs were tired, and I wasn't sure I would feel up to doing 30 miles. Went ahead and rode laps around the park so I could be close to home if I needed to quit before doing 30 miles. Did 30.36 miles. Felt okay during the ride, but averaged only 12.8 mph. Didn't want to push myself. The mileage for the errands today was 11.14 miles, so I had a total of 41.5 miles for the day.

Prayed quite a bit during the rides. Would still like to be more focused on prayer while riding, though. I just end up brain-dead most of the time.

Washed two loads of cycling gear after riding around the park. Didn't want to take the time to do it, and I still had plenty of clean gear, but the hamper was getting full. Maybe I'll get a separate hamper for cycling gear and just let it pile up for weeks.

Will have only two days off next weekend. Will be shifting my work schedule to Tuesday - Friday again next week. Will be taking Saturday off to participate in the KTMB Community Cleanup on May 10th.

Overall, have had a good day. Now I need to shower and get to bed.


2014/04/28 18:25 Monday

Have been riding a lot today. Pulled the bike trailer with a mountain bike to Costco for milk and a couple other items. Then took the road bike out to Verdi and back. After that, I got on the commuter bike and dropped off some bike maps at the bike shop. It is much to my shame that I haven't done any Bible study today. Prayed some on the rides, but not enough.

Tomorrow will be a busy day. Have to go to the bank in the morning, then to the doctor's office. Want to go to Raley's for chamomile mango tea. Am planning to do those trips on the commuter bike. Then want to do a ride to Verdi on the road bike. Really want to get some Bible study in, and want to discipline myself to pray hard during the rides.

Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/04/27 18:45 Sunday

Watched part of the late sermon, but unfortunately, the live feed cut off at 11:33am. I hope the church didn't lose power altogether. It has been windy, and windy weather is outage weather for NV Energy.

Had a lot of dead batteries that had piled up over the years. Read on rgj.com that there was an e-waste collection at Reno HS today, and that they were taking batteries. Took advantage of that. Rode the commuter bike there and back. That ride was 7.01 miles. Averaged 13.0 mph. It was nice to be riding somewhere other than around the park. Thought about heading over to Idlewild Park for Earth Day, but decided against it because I wanted to get on with my regular ride, and besides, I figured I would just be annoyed by hippies.

After that trip, I came home and filled my bike bottles with Cytomax drink mix and headed for Virginia Lake. Wanted to stay close to home in case the wind got out of hand. It was windy, but not too bad. Did 30.51 miles of laps on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.0 mph on that ride too. My legs were tired. There is a pro cyclist who is well-known for the phrase, "Shut up, legs!" He is my favorite rider. Today, I was using his saying quite a bit.

Am thinking I will take the road bike to Verdi tomorrow. Am also thinking I might take the bike trailer to Costco for a few items. Will start the day off with Bible study.

Don't know yet if the humidifier is going to help. Slept about 12 hours last night, which has been the norm. Haven't been as tired today as usual, though. Am fading now, after about 12 hours of being awake. Maybe it will just take a few nights for my body to get caught up on sleep. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/04/26 16:25 Saturday

Before the surgery, St. Mary's quoted a cost of $1000 and some odd dollars. However, according to the insurance company EOB that posted yesterday, St. Mary's is charging me not quite $2500. I'm going to call them and find out if that is indeed what they are billing me. If it is, I'm going to find an entity to file a complaint with. Unfortunately, I didn't get the initial quote in writing. Based on the EOB, it may be that whoever gave me the quote may have left off two categories of cost.

Thought that the cold-weather cycling gear could be retired for the season. Not so. Had to pull out some of it for today's ride. Did 30.47 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. It was good to be back on the road, although it was fairly windy. According to accuweather, it was blowing at 18 mph with gusts up to 31 mph. Averaged only 12.7 mph.

Picked up a humidifier at Costco today. Put it in the bedroom, and turned it on a few minutes ago. Will be going to bed early, and want the humidifier to take effect by the time I go to bed.

Am going to do Bible study for a while, and then get to bed.


2014/04/25 17:20 Friday

Was on the go non-stop at work again today. Got a lot done. Am off for the next four days, thankfully.

Someone at work today asked if I had been feeling any better. I told her I was going to ask the doctor to schedule a sleep test. She suggested I get a humidifier, and noted that hers has helped her sleep a lot better. It's worth a try. I think Costco has one in stock, and I will check that out tomorrow.

Am bushed. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/04/24 17:30 Thursday

Did 30 miles on the trainer yesterday afternoon. Really struggled, but managed to average 17.2 mph.

Was swamped at work today. One thing after another. I think I've been doing more than my fair share of the work.

Have to hit the shower and get to bed. Got to bed late last night because of the BPAC meeting. It was after nine o'clock before I got to bed. Have been paying the price today.


2014/04/23 14:20 Wednesday

Left work early. Was going to have my truck checked out because the check engine light came on this morning. Made an appointment to have it checked out, but was talking to someone at work, and she said to check the gas cap. Sure enough, after 38 years of driving, I had neglected for the first time to put the gas cap back on after fueling up the other day. After about 13 miles of driving with it back on, the check engine light went off.

Had to put the down comforter back on the bed last night. Was too cold with just three blankets.

Am going to do a trainer ride, then go to the BPAC meeting if I still have the energy.


2014/04/22 18:45 Tuesday

The company's Earth Day event went very well, thanks to the leader of the Green Team. He did essentially all the work single-handedly. I had been too swamped at work to do much of anything to help. Today, though, during the event, I took off from my regular duties and helped out. Before and after, I escorted the visitors to and from the break room where the event was held, and during the event, I took photos.

Am looking forward to having a four-day weekend starting Saturday. It was hard not having the third day off during my last weekend.

The sun is still high in the sky, but I'm off to finish getting ready for bed.


2014/04/21 18:20 Monday

Was feeling a little better this morning, but lost steam by 1:30pm or so. It has been a non-stop day. Woke up fairly early, at about 6:45am. Paid bills, vacuumed, went to the endocrinologist, got gasoline, went to the grocery store, hung out while the apartment was being inspected, did laundry, and then rode the trainer.

Did 30 miles on the trainer. Averaged 17.2 mph. Started out slower, but picked up the pace after a while. Had recent sermons in a playlist, and listened to two while riding. I prefer podcasts to mp3s, as the iPhone podcast player allows for easily backing up 15 seconds at a time. The mp3 player that comes on the iPhone doesn't. Sometimes I lose focus and want to replay sections. Will see if I can find an mp3 player that has more functionality. Am still hoping for sermon podcasts instead of mp3s.

Will be working tomorrow through Friday this week instead of the normal Wednesday through Saturday because of the company Earth Day event.

Saturday, I was the only one in IT at work. The woman whose office is next door to mine (who works in a different department) said to me that it would be good that I was the only one there because I wouldn't have to interact with anyone. I responded that was a definite plus. She then proceeded to interrupt my work several times during the day to chat. Groan.

On a more positive note, this Friday is my last day of medical lifting restrictions. That means I will be able to go back to riding on the road, since I will then be able to carry a bike down the stairs.

Made appointments to see the primary care physician and the podiatrist. Will ask the PCP to schedule a polysomnagraph sleep test. The endo said that would be better than an apnea-link test. Won't be going back to the endo, as he said he doesn't believe I have an endo problem and thus he can't help me. As to the podiatrist, I will likely get new orthotics. Overall, my feet aren't doing too bad, but I do have pain at times, and if he thinks I would benefit from new orthotics, I might as well get them this year since I have met the deductible.

Am out of steam. Need to get ready for bed now.


2014/04/20 16:30 Sunday

Slept about 13 1/2 hours last night, and was still as exhausted after that as when I went to bed last night. After a few minutes of being up, I went back to bed and laid there in a fog for over an hour. Was still exhausted, but got up anyway. Wanted to have coffee and to eat before the late service.

Am going to ask the doctor to order a sleep study. Had an apnea-link test done a few years ago, and the results came back as normal, but that was when the fatigue wasn't nearly as bad. Given that I am sleeping so much and still waking up exhausted, it would make sense if I had a sleep disorder.

Did 30 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 16.3 mph. Was too tired to pedal any faster. Was too tired to ride, actually, but am stubborn.

I am thankful to the Lord for sacrificing Himself on the cross to pay for my sins, and am thankful that He rose again.

Am too tired to function, even though I have been out of bed only about seven and a half hours. Am going to shower and collapse into bed.


2014/04/20 9:35 Sunday

Happy Easter.


2014/04/19 17:15 Saturday

Another work week over, thankfully. Only have two days off this weekend, as I will be working Tuesday - Friday this week. The company is having its Earth Day event on Tuesday, and since I am on the subcommittee, I want to be there.

Am too exhausted to function. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/04/18 17:35 Friday

Kind of gave up trying to get anything done on two of my projects at work today. Hopefully it will be slow tomorrow and I will be able to get some work done on them. However, I will be the only one in IT tomorrow, as my usual Saturday co-worker will be taking the day off.

Had better get in the shower and then get ready for bed.


2014/04/17 18:15 Thursday

Another non-stop day at work. Too much to do.

Had a haircut appointment after work. Should have showered tonight, but am just too exhausted. At least my hair is clean.

Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.


2014/04/16 17:20 Wednesday

Already had too much to do at work, but this morning, I got handed a task that will involve a lot more work over the next month. There is no way I will be able to take off work this Saturday for last-minute cleaning.

Am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/04/15 16:00 Tuesday

Had a little bit of a respite from my tight schedule today. The woman who cuts my hair called in sick, so I was able to reschedule the haircut. Am going to lay down for 45 minutes or so before the cycling club meeting.

Have been exhausted again today. Had trouble dragging myself out of bed. After eating breakfast, I vacuumed, then did 30 miles on the trainer. Really struggled, but managed to average 16.7 mph. Not fast, but at least I finished the 30 miles. After the ride, I drank a protein drink fast, showered, and then went to the dentist.

Need to rest now.


2014/04/14 18:35 Monday

Slept about 12 hours last night. Haven't been as tired today as yesterday, thankfully.

Did 30 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 17.1 mph. Am thankful to have sermon podcasts to listen to while riding. Am still working on getting mp3 sermons on a playlist so that I will be able to listen to the most recent sermons.

The annual apartment inspection will be next Monday. Did some cleaning today in preparation for that. Will try to get the vacuuming done tomorrow morning. Will have to do some cleaning next Sunday also, or maybe I'll take Saturday off and finish cleaning then.

It is getting late (at least for me), and I need to get ready for bed.


2014/04/13 17:45 Sunday

Slept not quite 15 hours last night, but even so, I have still been exhausted all day.

Watched the late sermon, then washed a load of towels. Sundays should be days of rest and worship, but given that I sleep so much, I have to get things taken care of when I can. Tuesday will be especially busy. Have a dental appointment in the early afternoon, then a haircut appointment, and after that a cycling club meeting. Tomorrow isn't as booked. Just have an appointment for bloodwork in the morning, and then will be going to Costco for groceries and gasoline.

Did 30 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 16.3 mph. Was just too tired to pedal any faster.

Am going to do some Bible study while drinking a mug of chamomile tea, and then will get ready for bed. Will be getting to bed later than I would like, but there just aren't enough hours in the day.


2014/04/12 16:40 Saturday

Barely managed to hang on and finish the day off at work without leaving early. Was hoping to be able either to go to Costco on the way home or do a trainer ride. Realized fairly early in the day neither would be possible. Probably would have left work early, but my only Saturday IT co-worker went home sick early in the day. Was so tired by the time I left work that I was concerned, again, about making the drive home safely.

The two of three cortisol tests I have gotten results for showed normal levels. One more possibility eliminated. Something is very wrong with me, and no one has been able to determine what it is.

Am off to get ready for bed before I collapse.


2014/04/11 18:35 Friday

Got the downstairs neighbor set up on her new (used) PC. Was determined not to lose my temper, and was successful in that.

Am about to drop. Have to get to bed asap.


2014/04/10 18:15 Thursday

Got to bed later than I needed to last night, and then had trouble falling asleep. Paid the price for lack of sleep today. Was so exhausted that by 9:30am my head was spinning. Wanted to leave work early, but things kept coming up that had to be taken care of.

Am still exceedingly irritated by the downstairs neighbor. Barring a miracle, that will never change. She asked me this morning if I would be going down to her apartment after work, and I told her that I needed to get sleep. Just don't want to deal with her, even when I don't need sleep. Will have to put up with her soon in order to get her new (used) computer set up. She is clueless.

Guess I'll never be able to tolerate people well enough to go back to church. I deal with people well enough at work most of the time, but on my days off, I just need to be alone as much as possible.

Am about to drop. Need to finish getting ready for bed asap.


2014/04/09 19:00 Wednesday

The downstairs neighbor irritates the living daylights out of me. Enough said. If I were to explain the details, I would just be rehashing and reliving it.

Am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/04/08 18:05 Tuesday

Another weekend down the tubes. I need down time, but am not getting enough. Started off the day walking laps around the park with the guy from out of town. Then took the downstairs neighbor to a used computer store to check out a PC they had. She is buying it, but was told it would take a few days before they would have time to install Office on it, so she put money down on it and we left. After that, I had to do laundry. Finally got that out of the way. Then did 30 miles on the trainer, even though I felt too tired to ride. Averaged 16.9 mph. Now I have to shower and get to bed.


2014/04/07 16:00 Monday

Ran a couple of errands this morning, and then had a dental appointment. After that, I did 30 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.7 mph. Was a little more impatient today than yesterday, but it wasn't too bad. Will be going to a cycling club board meeting this evening. Between now and then, will be doing Bible study.


2014/04/06 17:55 Sunday

Am still very uncomfortable with the concept of love. Really don't know what it is to love, and when it comes down to it, I have no desire to have anything to do with it. It seems to me that love is a sign of weakness insofar as it results in being vulnerable. To the greatest extent I could, I closed myself off from being vulnerable long ago in my childhood, and to this day am still closed off from that, in part due to events that have occurred during my adulthood.

Watched the late service. The video feed was cut off before the pastor finished praying, unfortunately. Also, I was having trouble concentrating due to exhaustion. Hope kitty woke me up after about ten hours of sleep, and I couldn't get back to sleep after that. After the service, I went back to bed for about an hour and a half.

Did 30 miles on the trainer. It wasn't too tedious. Prepared myself mentally not to be impatient. Just relaxed and listened to sermon podcasts. Averaged 16.4 mph. Am still not pushing the pace. The doctor said to limit myself to 40% at two weeks and 60% at four weeks. I'm at just a little over three weeks out.

Will be doing the last of the saliva tests for cortisol levels tonight. Hate getting up at 11:30pm to take the sample. Will be glad to have it out of the way.

It is already almost 6pm, and I still have some things to wrap up before going to bed. Will be getting to bed later than I would like.


2014/04/05 17:35 Saturday

Made it through another work week. Accomplished quite a bit today. Also, when I checked my email this morning, I had kudos from a guy in the company's Endpoint Engineering group for a project I just finished. That made me feel good.

Saw the aftermath of the accident on the 395 northbound this morning. I normally take the Moana on-ramp northbound at about 4:25am to get to work, but it was blocked off. Had to go Neil -> Gentry -> Terminal -> 395, and could see the accident scene from Terminal. The top of one of the cars was sheared off. I assume it had rolled. What a tragedy.

Was hoping to be able to ride the trainer this afternoon, but was way too exhausted. Was really too exhausted to drive home due to trouble concentrating, when it comes down to brass tacks.

Had better get ready for bed now before I drop.


2014/04/04 17:40 Friday

Am exhausted and hope to be in bed no later than 6:15pm. Am sleeping better, though. Have been drinking chamomile tea before bed and taking melatonin.

Am finally starting to get caught up at work. Have had some challenging tasks to take care of, and have been succeeding at getting things done.

Saw on Facebook today that Ed from the bike shop left for Peru early this morning. I had to run by the shop this afternoon, so I asked what was up with Ed's trip. Chad told me that a friend of Ed's who was going with a group to Peru to work on a school asked him to go along. They will be in the Amazon, if I understand correctly.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am looking forward to crawling under the covers.


2014/04/03 17:50 Thursday

If it isn't one thing, it's another.... Received a facebook friend request from someone I know, and soon realized it was a fake account created by someone who was posing as her. Reported that account and have been trying unsuccessfully to reach her. Spoke with her husband and also left VM on her cell phone.

Wanted to get to bed early, but had to deal with that situation, and still have to shower.


2014/04/02 18:40 Wednesday

The last two nights, I have gotten up at 11:35pm to take a saliva sample. The endocrinologist ordered three cortisol saliva tests, and the sample has to be taken between 11:30pm and midnight. Have had trouble getting back to sleep afterward. Am bushed. At least I don't have to shower this evening.

Yesterday, when checking the tire pressure on the trainer bike before my ride, I broke off part of the Presta valve. Presta valves are thinner than Schraeder valves (the ones that look like car tire valves), and they have a piece on the end that unscrews to allow for putting air in the tire. The part that unscrews broke off. I figured I had enough air in the tire to do yesterday's ride, so I went ahead and rode without changing the tube. Changed it when I got home this afternoon. Maybe, just maybe, I'll feel up to riding on Saturday after work. There's always hope, even if that hope is futile....

Am off to get ready for bed before I collapse.


2014/04/01 16:35 Tuesday

Gluttony is a sin, and I committed that sin at the buffet last night. Figured I would put in some extra mileage on the trainer today to burn off a few extra of the calories. Did 30 miles at an average speed of 16.2 mph. Riding the trainer is tedious, but listening to sermon podcasts helps pass the time. I am thankful for the sermon podcasts I have. I guess I'll have to figure out how to play mp3 files on my iPhone.

Walked three laps around the park with the guy from out of town. I guess I should say he's a friend. I just don't want to use that term lightly. The walk was okay.

Will be going to bed early this evening. Wanted to be in bed by 5:30pm, but just remembered I have to shower. Am off to do that and then finish getting ready for bed.


2014/04/01 08:35 Tuesday

Correction to yesterday's post: Would consider Amy a friend also.


2014/03/31 Monday

Did some Bible study this morning, then went to the doctor for my 2-week post-op. Have to go back again in a month.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Picked up the pace a little. Averaged 16.1 mph. Listened to sermons. Concluded that I need the spirit of God in my soul that I might have life in me.

One issue I face is that human interaction typically takes the wind out of my sails when it comes to spirituality. As noted in the post from this morning, I have an extreme case of attachment disorder. That makes human interaction exceedingly difficult for me. I need to find a way to maintain a sense of spirituality when faced with human interaction. The problem of losing any sense of spirituality in the face of human interaction wasn't as serious years ago when I was in the church from which I am in exile, but it was nascent. My sense of spirituality was enhanced when interacting with the pastor and some others, but with some, such as the church secretary at the time, it was a challenge to maintain spirituality. The disastrous events that took place hardened my soul and contributed strongly to my attachment disorder. Human interaction drains the life out of me.

Am taking my one and only friend Dan to the Peppermill Island Buffet this evening for his birthday. I don't like setting foot in casinos, but am making an exception. He and I get together once in a blue moon, and he likes the buffet there.

Will be walking a few laps around the park tomorrow with the guy from out of town. Don't want to, but don't want for him to feel rejected.


2014/03/31 06:50 Monday

Ran across a reference to "attachment disorder" in a news article a while back. The description of it reminded me of myself. Googled it this morning. It is definitely applicable to me. I have an extreme case.


2014/03/30 17:25 Sunday

John 15:4-5 (NASB95):

4Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself unless it abides in the vine, so neither can you unless you abide in Me.
5I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.

Watched the late service online. It motivated me to get back on track regarding my relationship with God and provided guidance on how to do that. Did a ride on the trainer not long after the service, and instead of listening to past sermon podcasts as I normally do, I contemplated where I have been going wrong and how I might remedy that.

It occurred to me that it has been a long time since I have been in a state of unconditional surrender to Christ. Furthermore, I do not worship, pray, or study the Bible enough. When I give thanks in prayer, I come close to a state of worship, but it is not sufficient. Too, when I go through my prayer list, it is typically not in a manner which leaves me feeling connected to God. I have gone from a state of first love with Christ years ago to a state in which my relationship with Him has grown cold. While on the trainer, I closed my eyes and sought to surrender to Christ. I needed that experience.

As to the ride, I did 20 miles at a slow and steady pace. The doctor said to start out at 40% effort in two weeks from the surgery. Averaged 15.7 mph.

I like sermon podcasts because if I space out while listening to them, I can "rewind" a ways and replay what I missed. Sometimes I lose focus. For example, today during the invitation part of the service, I lost concentration and am not sure what was said at one point.

I have told the cycling club president that if I do end up leading beginner rides for the club, it will have to be on Sunday afternoons. I just don't want to give up watching sermons online. Would that I could go back to church, as difficult as it might be for me, but I cannot ask to go back. I just cannot take that risk.


2014/03/29 17:55 Saturday

Another work week is over, thankfully. Today was slow, which gave me time to work on documentation and to prepare for a BCP (Business Continuity Plan) exercise that I will be leading first thing Wednesday morning. The BCP details how to shut down computer systems cleanly in planned power outages and what to do in an emergency power down.

Again today, I am so exhausted that I am staggering.

I don't know what is wrong with me physically, and I don't know what is wrong with me spiritually. There should be outward evidence of an inward change, but there hasn't been an inward change for the better.

Am so exhausted that I am fading into incoherency. Need to get ready for bed asap.


2014/03/28 17:55 Friday

Am exhausted beyond measure. Again today, by the time I got home I was staggering. At least I don't have to shower tonight. Read the news, ate, and now am off to get ready for bed.


2014/03/27 19:00 Thursday

By the time I got home, I was so exhausted that I was staggering. Somehow managed to stay upright in the shower.

I like having sermons on podcasts, as it makes it easy to listen to them while on the trainer. Am hoping to get on the trainer after work on Saturday. That is probably a futile hope, given how exhausted I have been.

rgj.com has a new format that I absolutely despise.

Am off to bed before I collapse.


2014/03/26 18:15 Wednesday

Too exhausted to function. Just want absolute and eternal oblivion.

Need to review sermons, but not tonight.


2014/03/25 17:30 Tuesday

Tried to get up early today to ease the transition back to the work schedule. Set the alarm for 5am, but hit snooze until about 7:45am. Don't know how I will drag myself out of bed at 3:35am tomorrow morning. Will be in bed by 6pm this evening, but don't know if I will be able to get to sleep that early. Have been staying up later since I have been off work.

Ran a couple of errands today, then walked three laps around the park. Was hoping not to run into anyone who would talk to me, but ran into a neighbor and the elderly gentleman who walks his dog. Talked to the neighbor just very briefly, but the elderly gentleman wanted to talk for a while. He is very nice, and I did talk to him for a while, but I just wanted to be alone. Didn't answer the phone when the downstairs neighbor called this morning.

Am dreading going back to work.

Am probably not going to lead Sunday afternoon beginner rides after all, despite the club president's pressuring me to lead beginner rides. For one thing, I strongly prefer to ride alone. I am not a social person, and I don't want the interaction of group rides. For another, time is at a premium for me, and I don't want to give up workout time to pedal at a beginner pace.

Don't see any way I could tolerate being part of a church again. It is for the best that I just watch services online.

Just want my life to be over.


2014/03/24 18:10 Monday

Don't want to go back to work on Wednesday, even though I am thankful to have a job.

Walked three laps around the park again today. Walked with the friend from out of town. Would rather be alone. He wanted to walk with me again tomorrow, but I told him tomorrow wouldn't be good for me. Need to be alone as much as possible.

Am exhausted. Wanted to go to bed by 5pm, but got a phone call from the woman whose office is next to mine at work. Almost didn't answer. Didn't want to talk to her.

Things just keep coming up that I don't want to deal with.

Just want to be alone.


2014/03/23 20:50 Sunday

Almost forgot to post today. Have been busy. Slept late. Watched the late sermon, as usual. Then walked three laps around the park. I could walk further, but even with praying while walking, I find it boring. Should have made the day one of rest and worship, but didn't. Ran an errand, then did laundry. Carried each of four loads separately down to my truck, drove around to the laundry room and parked, carried each load into the laundry room, and then started the machines. Left the truck where it was until I was done, then drove back. So far, I haven't hit any road-blocks. Have to go back to work on Wednesday, and if any equipment needs to be moved, will have someone else move it. Am not looking forward to going back to work. Haven't had the time to myself I was hoping to have.


2014/03/22 15:00 Saturday

Have been in a tailspin of depression all day, likely due to the stress of dealing with the downstairs neighbor so much of late.

Walked three laps around the park with a friend from out of town. Wanted to be alone, but didn't want to reject him.

Slept about 12 hours last night, and even so went back to bed for an hour in the early afternoon. Would still be in bed, but had to use the bathroom. It is good I got up when I did, as it was time to take another ibuprofen.

Am hoping against hope that not taking the vitamins I have been taking will help with the exhaustion.

Am going to pay bills now. That was a lost cause before all the recent medical bills piled up, but is even worse now.


2014/03/21 17:45 Friday

Walked three miles of laps around the park each of the last three days. It is tempting to try to ride the trainer, but am going to abide by the doctor's restriction that I not ride it for two weeks after the surgery, which will be a week from today.

Have been in a bad mood all day because the downstairs neighbor keeps calling me. I didn't answer the phone one time, and am going to stop answering the phone when she calls. Of course, then she will just leave a long, drawn-out, and rambling message.

I am starting to wonder if the vitamins I take are contributing to the exhaustion. I had to stop taking them prior to the surgery, per the pre-op instructions, and I waited a few days afterward before starting to take them again. I was sleeping less, but since I have started taking them again, I have been back to sleeping 12-14 hours a night. I just noticed that the multi-vitamin has ginseng, but that is sometimes used to reduce fatigue rather than being suspected of causing it. Am going to stop taking the vitamins for a couple of weeks and see if I sleep less. It is a long shot, but so is everything else at this point.


2014/03/21 11:20 Friday

Can't take it any more. The downstairs neighbor is pushing me way past my ability to tolerate her. I thought that since she had a vehicle, I would be free of her. Now, though, she is shopping for a used computer, and she is clueless and full of questions. May God have mercy on me.


2014/03/20 11:55 Thursday

"The will of God will not take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us." -Billy Graham

Dealing with the downstairs neighbor is more than I can take. She ruins my day every day. I need the grace of God to sustain me in my interactions with her.


2014/03/19 21:00 Wednesday

Had a frustrating day today. Took the downstairs neighbor to the DMV in the morning to get a permit to move her new vehicle (an older Jeep Grand Cherokee). Thought that would be the end of my participation in the process, but she hinted that she would like me to help her through the rest of the process. Groan. The DMV has a new feature, though, that was very helpful. You can text DMVRENO to a number they provide, and then follow your place in line by text messaging. If I hadn't done that, we would have been at the DMV for about four hours. As it was, I sent the text after we picked up her new insurance card, and since we discovered it would be hours before we were called, we went home to wait.

Finally, after all was said and done, I went to Virginia Lake to walk a few laps. Was planning on taking headphones to listen to sermons while walking, but forgot the headphones. That was a blessing in disguise, though, as it gave me an hour or so to pray while walking three laps. I feel very guilty about something, though. I was walking along, and a woman in front of me who was carrying grocery bags stopped to rest. I should have taken the bags for her, but didn't. I had an overwhelming need to be alone after dealing with the downstairs neighbor so much.

It is late and I am exhausted. Off to get ready for bed now.


2014/03/18 16:15 Tuesday

The downstairs neighbor bought a vehicle today. I'm glad.

Have been thinking about the beginners' rides for the club. Maybe I'll volunteer to do a "Sunday After Church Ride" at 2pm or so every couple of weeks. I don't know if anyone would show up for a Sunday afternoon ride, though. I'll probably talk it over with the club president.

It has been a long time since I read the Bible from a printed book. With the contact lenses I had prior to last year, I wasn't able to see the print very well even with reading glasses. I resorted to reading using Logos on my iPhone or Windows 7 box. The other day, though, I pulled out a hard copy of the Bible, and with reading glasses, I am able to read it just fine. I like hard copies of books.


2014/03/17 18:50 Monday

Am rereading Romans again. Want to become more familiar with it.

Slept only about 9 1/2 hours last night, and felt less exhaustion today. (Am fading now, though.) Maybe the low dose of Synthroid will do the trick.

Am still recovering well from the surgery. The doctor said to wait 5-7 days before walking a few miles. Wednesday will be five days out from the surgery, so I guess I'll wait until then.

Will be attending a cycling club meeting tomorrow evening.

Back when my work schedule changed to Wednesday - Saturday, I soon regretted working Saturdays, and asked my boss if an annually rotating schedule could be put into place. That would mean that I would be working Sunday - Wednesday every other year. Not long ago, though, I told him that I wanted to continue to have Sundays off. I haven't been looking for a church, but I do like being able to watch services online. I don't know if I will ever be going back to church.

The president of the cycling club wanted me to lead beginner rides on Sunday mornings, and ignored it when I said I wanted to watch sermons. I suggested doing beginner rides in the afternoons, but he put the rides on the calendar for once a month in the mornings. Amy from the bike shop is willing to lead the rides. I'm not sure if I will co-lead or not. I can always listen to sermon podcasts after the fact, but I really like watching the whole service and watching it live. Besides, sometimes glitches occur and the sermon podcasts aren't complete. For that matter, I really don't like leading beginner rides. Time is at a premium for me, and I don't get a workout in when leading beginner rides. Amy and I co-led some beginner rides last summer, and now the president seems to think that is my niche. I resent the pressure he has tried to put on me. Sermons are a higher priority for me than leading beginner rides.

Maybe someday I'll even go back to church if the opportunity presents itself. I'm not going to pursue that, though.


2014/03/16 20:10 Sunday

Watched the late service online today. Am not sure what to make of the sermon. It hit home. Will be listening to it again more than once after the podcast is posted. In any case, I'm not going to take any risks.

Am up late this evening. Am trying to spread out the ibuprofen as close as possible to eight hours between doses.

Have to run a couple of errands tomorrow. I don't think the doctor would object.

Am off to get ready for bed now.


2014/03/15 19:20 Saturday

Have been reading in Romans today. I really don't like Paul. He is passive-aggressive and doesn't always make sense. I hope that isn't taken as being blasphemous.

Changed my mind about the ibuprofen. Am going to take it when I get out of bed, six hours after that, and then before bedtime. Instead of every eight hours as prescribed, that will result in six-six-twelve intervals. That will accommodate the fact that I sleep about twelve hours a night. It will just have to do.


2014/03/15 06:50 Saturday

I follow Logos on twitter. They tweeted the following quote from Billy Graham: "The will of God will not take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us." I really like that quote.

Am supposed to be taking the prescription ibuprofen every eight hours. Am going to take it every twelve hours instead, since I sleep at least 12 hours a night. Will set an alarm to wake me at the right time. Have to take the ibuprofen with food, and if I were to take it every eight hours, not only would I have to wake up before getting the needed sleep, but also would have to eat something and then brush my teeth before going back to bed.

When I reached into the refrigerator for the milk to make my morning mocha, it occurred to me that a gallon of milk is fairly heavy. Googled, and found that a gallon of 2% milk, which is what I drink, weighs 8.4 pounds. Will be able to lift one, but not the 2-pack that Costco sells. Will either have to get milk somewhere else for the next six weeks, or will have to have someone go with me to Costco. Might have to put up with another few shopping trips with the downstairs neighbor after all.


2014/03/14 21:10 Friday

Took a long nap. Slept from about 4:30pm until about 8pm.

Am taking the prescription ibuprofen every eight hours per the pharmacist's recommendation even though I don't have pain. She said to take it because it would keep the inflammation down.

The downstairs neighbor has made arrangements to buy a vehicle on Tuesday. The seller is in Placerville, and he won't be coming back to Reno until then. I am thankful that I will no longer have to take her to the store or elsewhere.


2014/03/14 16:00 Friday

The doctor said the surgery went "famously well." I don't have any pain. Had slight discomfort for a short time, but it is gone. Have been woozy since getting home, though. Will be going to bed early.


2014/03/13 16:30 Thursday

Left work 2 hours early today. Took out the trash, ate, and read the news. Now am going to shower. Am utterly exhausted. Need to get to bed ASAP.


2014/03/12 18:10 Wednesday

Almost forgot to post. Am off to get ready for bed. It is later than I wanted to get to bed this evening. Had to stop by the bank after work, and then went by the bike shop to pick up a cycling cap I've had my eye on. It has a brim and is merino wool in a snazzy herringbone pattern. Went by the bank to pick up some money to loan to the downstairs neighbor. She thinks she has found a vehicle. The seller is coming by this evening to let her see it. I really don't want to lend her the money because I am concerned something might happen to her health-wise before she gets me paid back, but I REALLY don't want to have to keep taking her with me every time I go shopping. Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.


2014/03/11 17:50 Tuesday

Had my pre-op at St. Mary's this morning, went by the bike shop, had my pre-op at the doctor's office, then went to Costco for the post-surgery pain meds. Will take the ibuprofen, as it is recommended for the purpose of keeping down inflammation, but probably won't take the hydrocodone. As to the surgery, since reading the release forms, I have had second thoughts about having the surgery. I have confidence in the doctor, but the possibility of something going wrong concerns me.

By the time I got home from Costco, I was too tired to ride. Ate, did a couple of tasks related to being ride coordinator for the cycling club, and then was thinking it was time to get ready for bed, but then realized I needed to shower. Groan. I just want to collapse into bed.


2014/03/10 18:35 Monday

Did some more long-overdue housecleaning today. Took the downstairs neighbor to Trader Joe's and SaveMart. I hate shopping, and I hate dealing with her. Then did six loads of laundry. Wanted everything washed so that I won't have to hassle with laundry for a while. It will be a hassle because I will have to carry loads one at a time since I will be restricted to carrying only 10-15 pounds for six weeks. I will carry each load down to my truck in a trash bag one at a time, drive around the parking lot to the laundry room, and unload each load separately.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 18.3 mph. Had the resistance unit tighter this time. Probably had it a little too tight, but at least there wasn't tire residue on the resistance unit. There was a dark line around it, but that is normal.

Have pre-op tomorrow at St. Mary's and the doctor's office.

Am exhausted. Was so tired by 3pm that I wanted to go to bed then, but wanted to ride, and the desire to ride won out.


2014/03/09 17:20 Sunday

Got some much-overdue housecleaning done today. Didn't get as much done as I would like, but am too tired to do anything else today. Will do more tomorrow.

Did 20 miles on the trainer after watching the late sermon. Struggled, but managed to average 23.4 mph. Had the resistance unit too loose against the tire, which probably explains the faster average. Apparently having it too loose is bad for the tire, as the area of the the tire that was in contact with the unit was sticky after the ride, as though the heat was too much for it. Also, the resistance unit has tire residue on it. Live and learn.

Am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/03/08 17:00 Saturday

My weekend is here at last. Was swamped at work today. Have a lot that I want to get done before I go out for surgery, and I was the only one in IT who was there today.

Am exhausted beyond measure. Am off to get ready for bed before I collapse.


2014/03/07 17:30 Friday

Am barely surviving at this point. Got to bed late last night, and although I only woke up a couple of times, I didn't get nearly enough sleep. Have to get to bed asap this evening. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2014/03/06 18:45 Thursday

Have had a lot of frustrations lately. The latest is that I took the downstairs neighbor to Costco, and after I parked, I reached into my pocket to retrieve my Costco card from my wallet, whereupon I discovered that I had left the wallet at home. Came home, got the wallet, and went back to Costco. Spent a small fortune there. Was stocking up on some things so that I won't have to do too much shopping after the surgery.

Have been exhausted all day, it is late, and I still have to shower. Just keep getting deeper and deeper in a hole of exhaustion.


2014/03/05 18:00 Wednesday

Another day of utter exhaustion.

The surgery is scheduled for Friday, March 14th. I will take that Friday and Saturday off, and all of the following week. That will give me 11 days off after the surgery. The doctor said I would need to take 7-14 days off from work. Eleven will just have to do.

The surgery will put me even further into debt, but the doctor said I would have to have it eventually, and I want to get it over with while I can. Who knows what will happen in the future. My insurance is pitiful, but at least it will pay some.

Almost forgot to post this evening.

Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.


2014/03/04 15:40 Tuesday

Have been utterly exhausted all day and would like to go to bed now, but have a haircut appointment at 4:15pm.

Wasn't able to ride today. Had an endocrinologist's appointment this morning, and then had to do a load of laundry. After that, I laid down to rest and set an alarm for an hour, but couldn't drag myself out of bed in time to ride the trainer before the haircut appointment.

The endo told me to take 25mcg of Synthroid for six weeks and then have labs done. He also ordered salivary cortisol tests.

Am giving up hope that I will ever feel normal again.


2014/03/03 16:25 Monday

Asked the gynecologist's office to schedule the surgery on Friday, March 14th if possible.

Hardly slept at all last night, even though I was in bed for about 12 hours.

Was going to ride outdoors after the optometrist's appointment, but was too tired. Laid down for about an hour to rest. Didn't manage to fall asleep. When the alarm went off, I dragged myself out of bed even though I was still bushed. Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 20.0 mph. Had interruptions. At first, the tire was squeaking where it meets the resistance unit, and I stopped after a few miles to try to remedy that. Unfortunately, the downstairs neighbor heard the trainer stop, so she called to check in. That was an irritation. Wiped down the tire and the resistance unit and got back on the trainer. The squeak was gone, and apparently I had the resistance unit adjusted differently, because I was able to pedal a lot faster. Then, after a while, the landline phone rang. I usually don't bother to answer it if I am on the trainer, but I am expecting a call from the gynecologist's office, and even though I had left my cell phone number, I thought perhaps the nurse had called my landline. Turns out it was a recorded message from the dentist's office I no longer go to alerting me to an appointment. Called them back, and they didn't know why I had gotten the call. Then, right after that, Amy called. And, while I had been riding before getting the initial phone call, I remembered that I hadn't pumped up the trainer tire for a while, so the pressure was probably too low. It was, so I pumped it up. Finally got back on the trainer and finished the ride.

Now I am off to the bike shop to pick up some water bottles for laundry detergent. Am going to fill a few before the surgery because I won't be allowed to lift something as heavy as a detergent container for six weeks. As to the laundry itself, I plan to put individual loads into garbage bags, put those in my truck one-by-one, and drive around the parking lot to the laundry room.

After going to the bike shop, I will be going to the cycling club leadership meeting. Then I will collapse into bed.


2014/03/02 18:00 Sunday

Woke up only a few times last night during the 12 hours I was in bed. Didn't take Ambien.

The endocrinologist called on Friday and told me to stop taking the Synthroid and the Cytomel due to the labwork results. Have an appointment with him on Tuesday. Am not holding out any hope that he will be able to help me with the exhaustion.

My legs have been unsteady a lot the last couple of days.

Among other prayers, while riding I pray for our troops, and for law enforcement and firefighters. I give thanks for people who have the courage to risk their lives to defend our freedoms and to ensure the public safety.

Did 30.25 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.7 mph. Just couldn't maintain much speed. At least I rode. After watching the late sermon, I debated about riding outdoors, riding the trainer, or going back to bed. Riding outdoors won out. I'm glad I rode even though I rode at such a slow pace.

Took the downstairs neighbor to the grocery store after the ride. Survived that somehow.

Have an optometrist's appointment tomorrow morning, then hopefully will be able to ride, and then there is a cycling club leadership meeting in the evening.

Found out at the BPAC meeting last week that all the alternate positions have been filled. I'm next on the list. Am planning to attend the meetings as a visitor even though I won't be a member.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am fading fast.


2014/03/01 17:20 Saturday

Was planning on doing a trainer ride after work, but started getting vertigo not long before leaving work. Am off to get ready for bed. Am hoping the vertigo will pass overnight.


2014/02/28 17:10 Friday

Will be having surgery some time in the next few weeks, probably in two or three weeks. The gynecologist said that I will eventually need surgery for bladder incontinence and urgency due to my having had a hysterectomy. I have minor incontinence. The urgency is more of an issue. I won't have to urinate for a while, but then all of a sudden, I have to go badly. Due to a test he ran during my last exam that I mistakenly thought my insurance would pay for, I am only $100 away from meeting my deductible. Figure I might as well get the surgery over with.

Am exhausted. Have to get ready for bed before I drop.


2014/02/27 17:00 Thursday

Fifteen years ago today, my pastor led me in a prayer dedicating my life to Christ. Bittersweet memories.


2014/02/26 20:55 Wednesday

Had a non-stop day at work today, and was not functioning all that well due to exhaustion. Went to the BPAC meeting anyway. Just got home from there. Need to get to bed ASAP.


2014/02/25 16:50 Tuesday

Took 10mg of Ambien again last night, but still woke up every two hours. I hope the HRT kicks in soon.

Did 30.27 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Really struggled for the last 10 miles or so. Was woozy and foggy. Somehow managed to finish the 30+ miles. Averaged 13.5 mph.

Addendum to yesterday's post: The toddler wasn't in a position to be clearly seen; he was about to step out into the street from in front of a parked car. I am thankful I saw him.

Will be getting to bed late tomorrow night. Am planning on going to an RTC BPAC (Bicycle and Pedestrian Advisory Committee) meeting at 6:30pm. It will likely last until 8:30pm. There are openings for alternate members, and I have applied to be one.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am hoping that I will sleep better tonight.


2014/02/24 16:20 Monday

The day of the labwork finally arrived. Right afterward, I took an HRT pill, and will take another this evening. Wanted to get a jumpstart. Figured it would be okay, as it is typically the case that if one forgets to take a medication and remembers within twelve hours, one may take the missed dose then.

Hardly slept at all last night despite taking 10 mg of Ambien. Am planning on being in bed no later than 5:30 this evening.

Despite being tired, I went ahead and did 30.33 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Had to take it easy because I was so tired, and the slow average speed of 13.2 mph reflected that. There was an incident. As I was nearing the playground area at one point, a toddler getting near the street caught my eye. I stopped him from walking right out into the street. If I hadn't been paying attention, I might have hit him, or he might have been hit by a car. After quite some time, the boy's mother finally noticed he was missing and came to get him. I gave thanks to God that the child didn't get injured or killed.

Am fading fast. Am going to get ready for bed now.


2014/02/23 17:40 Sunday

So, I took 10mg of Ambien last night, but the extra 5mg didn't help much at all. Woke up every three hours instead of every two hours, except after 3am, when I started waking up every two hours. Will go back to the HRT tomorrow evening. Will be going in for the labwork tomorrow morning and then will be going back to the endocrinologist on Tuesday the 4th. I am thankful that I will be able to start the HRT again.

Watched the late sermon this morning. Thought about watching the early sermon and then doing the club ride at noon, but decided against it. Did ride after the sermon, though. Just did laps around the park on the commuter bike again. Started feeling woozy at about 11 miles, but finished the 30+ miles anyway. Did 30.34 miles at an average speed of 13.6 mph. That isn't fast, but it is better than I expected it to be, in part because I didn't feel well, and in part because I got stuck behind slow-moving traffic at times. I'm glad I didn't do the club ride, as I would have been nervous due to the way I felt given that I wouldn't have been close to home. If I am just riding laps around the park, it is good to know I can get home easily even if I were to have to walk.

Have had answered prayers regarding a guy in the cycling club. He has had a nerve problem on one side of his face. It is known as a suicide syndrome because it is so painful that it makes people kill themselves. There is medication for it, but the medication typically loses its effectiveness over time. He had surgery for it last Tuesday. They went in through the back of his skull and put a teflon sheath over the nerve. He had been concerned that the specialists wouldn't want to do the surgery because of his age, but they said he was an excellent candidate for it, and sure enough, the surgery was successful and he is recovering better than most people. Praise God for that.

Am fading fast. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/02/22 14:15 Saturday

Am still waking up every couple of hours. Also, in addition to having hot flashes, I am having bad cold spells. Last night, I had to put a down comforter on the bed in addition to the other three blankets on it even though my apartment is at 65 degrees. Am going to take 10mg of Ambien tonight instead of just 5mg. The gynecologist said try 5mg first, and if that doesn't do the job, to take 10mg. Am wary of taking any sleep medication, but I really need it, and the 5mg just isn't cutting it.

Went to Costco this morning, and then went back to bed for an hour. Didn't drift off to sleep, though. Just laid there in a fog.

Was too tired to ride outdoors safely, so I did 20 miles on the trainer. Really struggled, but managed to average 19.2 mph.


2014/02/21 18:35 Friday

Left work two hours early and headed for the bike shop to get my trainer bike fitted. Randy did a great job of getting a bike that doesn't fit me to be as comfortable as possible. After I got home, I put it on the trainer and did 20 miles. Listened to sermons, as usual, and that was a blessing. Averaged only 18.2 mph, but that isn't too bad given that I was really too tired to ride in the first place. Also, I think I had the trainer's resistance unit a little too tight on the tire.

Am fading fast. Need to get ready for bed ASAP.


2014/02/20 18:45 Thursday

One more day of work, and then I have a four-day weekend. Am planning on leaving at least two hours early tomorrow to get an early start on it.

Had another day in which things just didn't go right. Did get some things wrapped up, thankfully.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed. Am so tired that I am unsteady, and also, I have already taken the Ambien, so I need to get to bed within about another ten minutes.


2014/02/19 17:25 Wednesday

Am about to drop from exhaustion. Things kept going wrong at work today, which contributed to my exhaustion. Went to the cycling club meeting last night, so I got to bed late.

My insurance is basically worthless. It covers preventive care, but nothing else until I have met my $1500 deductible. Picked up a prescription for an anti-bacterial cream, and it cost me almost $60. The olanzapine for the bipolar disorder will cost me $200 for a three-month supply.

Am thoroughly discouraged about life. Guess I need to review some sermons.

Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.


2014/02/18 14:35 Tuesday

Did 30.35 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Was struggling, but still managed to average 13.3 mph. Not fast, but better than I've been doing. It was only 47 degrees out when I started at about 11:15, so I was bundled up fairly well. By the time I finished, it was 55, so I was a little warm. The accuweather forecast had called for 55 degrees at 11am, and 60 degrees by 1pm. That didn't come to pass, though, unfortunately.

Am probably going to attend the cycling club meeting this evening. Will see how I feel after the doctor's appointment.

Am still waking up every couple of hours due to hot flashes. I'll see if that continues this week. The gynecologist said that when people go off of HRT, the first couple of weeks are the worst, and sometimes it improves during the third week. I've been through two weeks so far. If it doesn't improve this week, I'll be going back on it after the bloodwork ordered by the endocrinologist.


2014/02/17 18:35 Monday

Had another non-stop day. Went to Trader Joe's and then to Costco for gasoline and groceries. Then took the trainer bike in to the shop to have a new stem and handlebars put on it. They have to order the stem, so it will be next week sometime before I will be able to pick it up. After leaving the bike shop, I did 30.31 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. I've been wanting to take the road bike on a ride somewhere other than the park, but I was feeling a little shaky this morning, so wanted to stay close to home yet again. Averaged only 12.8 mph again, but wasn't surprised by the slow speed, as it was very windy. It was so windy that at about 7.5 miles, I thought seriously about bailing on the ride. Maybe the wind died down just a little, or maybe I got used to it. Somehow, I managed to reach the goal of 30+ miles.

Then, after the ride, I took the downstairs neighbor to Walmart. She drives me batty. She had a list, but she didn't have a pen to cross off items, so she had to keep going through the whole list to see what remained. Also, she kept trying to make up her mind whether or not to buy things.

Have my annual physical tomorrow at 3:30pm, and there is a cycling club meeting at 5:30pm. I might skip the meeting, depending on how tired I am. Will need to start my ride at 11am so that I will have time to shower before the doctor's appointment.

Am fading fast. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/02/16 18:20 Sunday

Am about to drop from exhaustion. Had a lot of trouble sleeping last night even with the Ambien. That might have been due to my having done a workout so late.

Have had a busy day. Showered, watched the early sermon, e-filed my taxes, rode, did laundry, and then took the downstairs neighbor to Best Buy to pick up a set of phones.

Did 30.35 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.8 mph. It was windy.

Will be getting a $796 tax refund. Will be using it to pay some credit card debt.

Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/02/15 18:55 Saturday

I am truly thankful for all that I have. It could be better, but it could certainly be much, much worse. I am truly blessed.

Will likely watch the early service tomorrow morning due to scheduling issues. Have a lot to do this weekend.

Did 20 miles on the trainer after work. Increased my average speed again, this time to 20.3 mph.

Have been feeling somewhat better since I started taking the Ambien. Maybe the exhaustion is due to a sleep problem. Had an apnea link test done years ago when I first started feeling more and more tired, and the results were all normal, but maybe I should have another one done.

Speaking of sleep, it is time for me to get ready for bed.


2014/02/14 18:30 Friday

Will be getting to bed later than I wanted to. Wasted time looking at Facebook and Twitter. Also, had to help the downstairs neighbor with a wireless problem. That didn't take long, though. I explained to her how to fix it if it happened again, and she didn't get it the first two times I explained it to her. She fixates on incorrect assumptions, and it takes a few times of explaining things to her before she lets go. Then she forgets what I have told her. Groan.

One more day of work, then three days off. Will be busy each of those days. One thing is that I have an appointment for my annual physical on Tuesday.

Am about to drop. Need to get to bed asap.


2014/02/13 17:45 Thursday

The Ambien helped me sleep better. Still woke up a couple of times, but rested better. Will take it again tonight. Now, need to shower and get to bed asap.


2014/02/12 17:45 Wednesday

Picked up the Ambien after work. Am hoping to get a good night's sleep tonight. Am exhausted.


2014/02/11 17:50 Tuesday

Had trouble sleeping last night. Went to the gynecologist for my annual exam this morning, and told him I had to stop taking the HRT for three weeks. He prescribed Ambien to help me sleep. Won't be able to pick it up until tomorrow, as when I called Costco earlier, the nurse had not yet called it in.

Had planned to ride outdoors today, but had to wait for a long time after my appointment time to see the doctor, and by the time I got home I was tired. Did 20 miles on the trainer. Increased my average speed again. Today I averaged 19.5 mph. Felt better for a while after the ride, but now I am about to drop from exhaustion. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/02/10 18:45 Monday

After being up for less than 11 hours yesterday, I slept for over 14 hours last night. Woke up a few times due to hot flashes. Now, after having been up for just a little over 10 hours, I am going to go to bed as soon as I can get ready.

Sent in an application today for the RTC BPAC (Bicycle and Pedestrian Advisory Committee).

Had lunch with Amy, then rode the trainer, then did laundry. Wanted to ride outdoors, but the timing didn't work out. Kept up a good pace on the trainer. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 18.5 mph.

Next week, am going to take the old road bike I now have on the trainer in to the bike shop to have a shorter stem and smaller handlebars put on it. The saddle I put on it yesterday evening helped a lot as far as comfort goes.

Have to get up fairly early tomorrow. Have a doctor's appointment and will need to shower beforehand.

Am off to get ready for bed before I drop.


2014/02/09 16:00 Sunday

Woke up a few times during the night last night. Don't know whether I drank too much SporTea yesterday, or if it was due to doing a workout so late in the day.

Watched the late sermon online, then got ready to ride. Was going to ride outdoors, but then changed my mind. Rain was forecast for 3pm, and I didn't want to get caught in the rain. It isn't the water that bothers me; it is the grit from the road that gets on clothes, brake pads, and rims. Grit on rims wears down brake pads, and grit in brake pads makes noise and wears down rims.

Anyway, I did 20 miles on the trainer. Was struggling, but managed to average 17.6 mph. The saddle was still very uncomfortable even after the adjustment I made yesterday. After the ride, I swapped out the saddle with the one I had on the bike I am going to loan Tina. I swapped out the saddle I had on that bike because it is a more expensive saddle than the one that came on it. I put the one that came on it back on the bike.

Am going to take the bike and some gear over to Tina's soon. I really don't want to deal with her, but I said I would do it, so I am going to.

Am planning on going to bed as early as possible. Am very tired.


2014/02/08 19:10 Saturday

Ended up skipping the go-cart races last night. Even after taking a four-hour nap yesterday, I was exhausted by the time we finished dinner.

I had offered some time ago to let Tina borrow the bike I had on the trainer, and she asked me today if that offer was still open. I didn't want to bother, but I'm going to let her borrow it anyway. She will be moving closer to where she works. She said it is only a 15-minute walk to work, but it is a little scary. She would like to ride instead of walking. Spent most of the day getting the trainer bike ready for her and getting my old road bike ready for the trainer. Am tired of dealing with Tina.

Rode the trainer instead of riding outdoors, in part because I didn't have time to ride outdoors and in part due to the wind and drizzle. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 17.2 mph. The old road bike really doesn't fit me, and the saddle was very uncomfortable. Adjusted it after the ride and am hoping that will help. Will likely take it in to the bike shop and have a shorter stem put on it, and have some other adjustments done.

Am off to get ready for bed now.


2014/02/07 17:10 Friday

Left work early and took a four-hour nap. Am off to the bike shop outing.


2014/02/06 16:50 Thursday

Was swamped at work again today. Am exhausted, but will be getting to bed late due to the RTC open house.


2014/02/05 17:40 Wednesday

Was swamped at work today. Had some frustrations, but got a few things off my to-do list.

Will be taking Saturday off from work. Amy invited me to a bike shop outing on Friday evening. We will be having dinner at Silver Peak and then will be doing go-cart racing. Figured I'd be too tired to work on Saturday after that.

Won't get enough sleep tomorrow night, either, as I will be attending an RTC open house regarding the Keystone corridor.

Am exhausted, and still have to shower. Hopefully I will be able to stay upright in the shower. Have been staggering quite a bit this evening.


2014/02/04 16:35 Tuesday

Went to the endocrinologist today. He spent a lot of time discussing my health issues with me. He also ordered a lot of bloodwork. I don't know how much all of it will cost, but the doctor thinks the bloodwork will be about $1000 unless LabCorp discounts the cost as part of the insurance plan. My insurance doesn't pay anything until I have met my deductible. I'm at the end of my rope, though, so I told him to go ahead and order the tests. That one office visit and the labwork might result in my meeting my deductible.

The doctor asked me to stop taking the HRT for three weeks and have the labwork done after being off it for that time. Hopefully I won't go back to having the alternating sweats and chills that I was having before.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 17.8 mph. Wanted to take the road bike to Verdi, but my legs were unsteady, so I thought I would ride laps around the park instead in order to stay close to home. By the time I was going to get my gear on, though, I was staggering quite a bit. Figured it was best to stay home and ride the trainer.

Found the RoadID badge. It was on the bedroom floor in a spot that I had searched before. I'm assuming that Hope kitty has been playing with it and moving it around. I am relieved and very thankful to have found it. I was concerned that even though it wasn't in her when I took her to the vet, since it hadn't been found, she could swallow it at any time.

Am exhausted. Am too tired even to shower. It will have to wait until tomorrow evening. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2014/02/03 19:30 Monday

Busy day. Showered, did laundry, did a ride, then went to the cycling club board meeting. More about the board meeting tomorrow.

The ride didn't go well. It was more or less uneventful, but I was struggling. Did 30.38 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.1 mph.

Will be getting to bed late because of the meeting, and have to get up early to go to the endocrinologist. Need to get to bed asap.


2014/02/02 17:05 Sunday

It is time to get serious about my relationship with God again. I need to bear that in mind at all times.


2014/02/02 16:35 Sunday

Am about to drop from exhaustion. Had planned to ride after watching the late sermon, but was too tired afterward. Went back to bed for about an hour, hoping that a little rest would give me the energy to ride. Didn't drift off to sleep, and was still exhausted after the hour. Was planning on going to Costco tomorrow morning, but went this afternoon instead since I couldn't ride. Took Tina, as she needed kitty litter, and I was going to Costco anyway. Since I won't be taking Tina to Costco tomorrow morning before she goes to work, I will be sleeping in. I need as much sleep as I can get. Slept about 12 1/5 hours last night, but am still exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed now. Will be in bed by 5pm.


2014/02/02 10:35 Sunday

What a relief! The vet did a radiograph of Hope kitty, and the RoadID badge wasn't in her. I don't know if she did swallow it and already passed it, or if she didn't swallow it at all. On Saturday morning, I checked the stool that she passed overnight, but didn't do a very good job because I was gagging so much. She didn't have a bowel movement last night. In any case, it is an answered prayer that it isn't in her. I was fearing that she would have to undergo surgery.


2014/02/01 17:50 Saturday

Made it through another work week, thankfully. Was busy today. It could have been worse, though.

Have an appointment to take Hope kitty to the vet tomorrow at 9am.

Am off to get ready for bed now before I drop.


2014/01/31 18:30 Friday

Almost forgot to post. Got sidetracked. I think Hope kitty ate a RoadID Elite badge that was sitting in its plastic packaging on a shelf that she somehow got to. I believe it is stainless steel, which could be toxic based on what I have read. I am hoping the badge will turn up and that she didn't swallow it. I can't afford a huge vet bill.

Am exhausted, as usual. By the time I got home, I was staggering again. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2014/01/30 19:15 Thursday

Another day of utter exhaustion. To make matters worse, I have been on the go non-stop at work the last two days. Had to shower tonight, which was of concern since I am so tired that I have been staggering this evening. Wasn't sure I would be able to stay upright in the shower.

Picked Tina up at her workplace this afternoon. Then took her to Baja Fresh. We started going there quite a while ago, as they have food that doesn't have bread. Bread upsets her system. There is more in the ongoing saga of her and her girlfriend. I think it is finally over between them.

Have to get to bed now before I drop.


2014/01/29 17:55 Wednesday

Almost forgot to post. Have been utterly exhausted all day. Am off to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2014/01/28 18:50 Tuesday

Downstairs neighbor is still driving me nuts. I hope she gets a vehicle soon.

Did 30.41 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.0 mph. Really need to try going out somewhere else on the road bike one of these days.

Washed two loads of cycling gear after the ride. Am looking forward to warm weather and not having to wash so much cycling gear so often.

Have an appointment with an endocrinologist a week from today. I'm wary about the one I will be seeing. He may be Muslim, based on his name. I don't trust any Muslims to take females seriously. I loathe being a female, and don't want to be treated like one. He might not approve when I tell him I ride 90 miles a week, as he could figure out that I wear cycling gear that could get me stoned to death in a Muslim nation, but is normal for riding in the US. Also, I have difficulty understanding people with accents. Will give him a chance, as I want to get in to see an endocrinologist as soon as possible, and the opening they had next Tuesday was with him.

Am in a foul mood due to dealing with the downstairs neighbor and due to my concerns about the endocrinologist.

Need to get to bed asap. I hope the foul mood doesn't keep me from getting to sleep.


2014/01/27 19:00 Monday

Downstairs neighbor is driving me nuts, just by being herself.

Rode the commuter bike around the park again today. Wasn't about to take the road bike out on a different route. My legs were shaky this morning. Did about 30 miles, then rode to Costco to pick up a set of phones for the downstairs neighbor. When I hit the Costco parking lot, my average was 13.1 mph. By the time I got home, it was only 12.8 mph. Had to ride home slowly, as I had the phone box in a bag hanging from my handlebars. The total mileage was 34.02 miles. Unfortunately, the phones will have to go back, as they don't have speakerphone capabilities. I didn't even look for that, as I assumed all phones had that.

Was in bed about 12 hours last night, but my sleep was very restless. Maybe I drank too much Sportea in the afternoon. It is decaf, but there is something about it that keeps me awake at night if I drink too much of it.

Speaking of bed, am off to get ready for bed now. Time got away from me.


2014/01/26 17:50 Sunday

Slept about 13 1/2 hours last night. At least I haven't had to go back to bed during the day today. I will be going to bed soon, though, as I am very tired.

Watched the late sermon online. Am thankful to be able to watch sermons online.

Rode 30.25 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.0 mph. Stopped and chatted for a bit with the elderly gentleman walking his new dog. He was crossing the road, and I stopped to let him cross. Then I pulled over and chatted with him.

Riding around the park is getting tedious. I would like to do some other rides, but due to my health problems, I am just too concerned to get any significant distance from home. Was light-headed today during the ride, and when I got home and was getting my keys out to unlock the door, I lost my balance and thought for a moment that I was going to fall backwards down the stairs. One of these days, though, I might go ahead and take my road bike out and go somewhere else.

Will likely have to return the laptops bought from work. Someone in another center got word that we were selling them, and it went all the way to the Senior Director of Infrastructure and Operations. It was decided that everyone would have to return them. Presumably, the concern is that someone would be able to recover company data from the hard drives. On Saturday, I emailed the director asking her to reconsider. I pointed out that when we take machines out of service, we scrub the hard drives via killdisk using 3 pass verify DoD settings, and thus no data would be recoverable. I made a few other arguments also. We'll she what she has to say. I'm not going to check my company email until I get back to work on Wednesday.


2014/01/25 17:50 Saturday

Made it through another work week.

Am hoping to be able to ride tomorrow, but won't attempt the club ride. It seems best to stay close to home, so as usual, I will just do laps around the park. My legs have been unsteady today.

Will sleep in and then watch the late sermon online before riding.

Am about to drop. Had better get ready for bed now.


2014/01/24 18:00 Friday

Utterly exhausted yet again. Left work an hour early and went to see the nurse practitioner regarding the possibility that the twitching in my abdomen is due to an adrenal gland problem. The twitching is on and off on both sides where I think the adrenal glands are. She didn't think the twitching is due to an adrenal problem. In any case, she is sending a referral to an endocrinologist. I thought she had already done that, but apparently not.

Still have to shower, but am about to drop. Might have to stop reading the news after I get home. It is too time-consuming.


2014/01/23 18:25 Thursday

Utterly exhausted again, but at least I don't have to shower tonight. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/01/22 18:05 Wednesday

Am utterly exhausted but still have to shower. Need to get to bed asap.


2014/01/21 16:05 Tuesday

Paid bills this morning. Lost cause.

Did 30.26 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.8 mph, but at least I did the ride.

Will be going to the monthly cycling club meeting this evening, so I will be getting to bed late.


2014/01/20 18:40 Monday

Have had a busy day today. Did laundry and housework, and then went to Costco. Did a ride, too. Rode 30.29 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 12.9 mph. My legs have been a little unsteady today, but not too bad. Had a few dicey moments on the ride, but didn't crash.

Made a doctor's appointment. Won't be going in until February 18th. I told them the appointment was for an annual physical, and they told me they were out to mid-February for those. In the meantime, I am going to try cutting the dose of Synthroid back to 50mcg. Muscle weakness can be caused by either hypothyroid or hyperthyroid problems, so maybe the 75mcg of Synthroid has made me hyperthyroid. I doubt it, but it is possible.

Have had a twitching in my abdomen on and off for the last few days. It is on the right side toward the center, just underneath and at the base of the ribcage. I looked up torso diagrams last night, and I am wondering if it is my adrenal gland.

Anyway, am off to get ready for bed. Will be getting to bed later than I would like.


2014/01/19 18:10 Sunday

Didn't ride today. My legs were too unsteady. Am going to make an appointment with a doctor tomorrow. Decided to go back to Dr. Pasternak.

Since I ended up backing out of the club ride, I watched the late sermon. It is good to be fed spiritually.


2014/01/18 18:55 Saturday

Am absolutely exhausted. Came home from work, installed Fedora Linux on a laptop (it is one of the laptops we have been selling at work) for the downstairs neighbor, and then gave her a tutorial. It amazes me that some people just can't grasp simple computer concepts.

Have RSVP'd for the club ride tomorrow that starts at noon. Was going to get up and watch the early sermon online before the ride, but there isn't any way I will be able to get up in time. Have to shower in the morning, too. Will just have to settle for listening to the podcast of the sermon.


2014/01/17 18:55 Friday

I now have a laptop. At work, we are selling old laptops that were going to be sent to a recycler as excess equipment. We are selling them for just $50. They don't have an operating system, but I installed Linux on the one I bought, and it works fine.

Will be getting to bed late because I took the time to do the Linux install. Have to get ready for bed now.


2014/01/16 17:40 Thursday

Barely made it through the workday today. Was too exhausted to do much of anything for the last few hours. Still have to shower before I collapse into bed.


2014/01/15 18:10 Wednesday

Had trouble falling asleep last night. Am utterly exhausted now.

Someone at work told me that they saw me on the news this morning. It was in a news item about the Virginia Street Corridor meeting last night. Part of it was filmed by Channel 2 News.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed before I drop.


2014/01/14 16:15 Tuesday

Did 30.31 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 12.7 mph. That is slow, but at least I rode. Also, did a lot of geese herding again, which lowers the average speed.

Will be going to an open house this evening that will address RTC's Virginia Street corridor plans. Bike advocates are hoping for bike lanes, but it isn't looking good for that.

Weekends are too short. Would that I were independently wealthy and didn't have to work.


2014/01/13 19:10 Monday

Did 30.27 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.5 mph. Wasn't going very fast, and also, did quite a bit of herding geese. For some reason, they were in the road even more than usual.

Slept about 12 hours last night. There just aren't enough hours in the day, given that I sleep 12-14 hours a night. Am fed up with my health problems.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am exhausted.


2014/01/13 11:40 Monday

Just spent the last hour and a half with the downstairs neighbor while she did her grocery shopping. Ruined my whole weekend.


2014/01/12 17:55 Sunday

Am too exhausted to think straight. Slept 13 1/2 hours last night. Was too tired to get up early enough to shower this morning, and am too tired to shower tonight.

Was hoping to ride outdoors after the Christmas tree recycling event, but was too tired to be able to ride safely. Did do 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 17.5 mph. Listened to sermons during the ride, as always. In one of them, I was called, by virtue of my being a cycling enthusiast, a moron. Harrumph.

Tina texted me this morning wanting to be friends again. Texted her back this evening asking if she was sure she wanted to face her girlfriend's wrath.

Have to get ready for bed before I drop.


2014/01/11 16:50 Saturday

Had a slower day at work today, but kept busy. Am exhausted. Will be in bed no later than 5:30pm. Should shower tonight, but am just too bushed. Am volunteering at the KTMB Christmas tree recycling event tomorrow. Will try to get up early enough to shower beforehand.


2014/01/10 17:55 Friday

Was busy all day at work again today. At least it makes the time go by faster.

My legs have been weak and wobbly all day. As soon as I decide which doctor to go to, I am going to make an appointment. One factor will be how soon I can have an appointment.

The downstairs neighbor needs to go to the store in the next few days. I really resent having to spend time with her, but I feel obligated to help her.

Am off to get ready for bed. As usual, I am exhausted.


2014/01/09 18:50 Thursday

Had another non-stop day at work, but am starting to get caught up.

My legs were somewhat weak and unsteady this morning, but by mid-day, I wasn't noticing problems. However, this evening, they have been weak and unsteady again. Between that and being exhausted, I was thankful to have made it through a shower without falling over.

Am off to bed before I pass out from exhaustion.


2014/01/08 18:25 Wednesday

Had a rough day at work today, and am exhausted. Need to get to bed ASAP.


2014/01/07 18:40 Tuesday

Did 30.22 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.1 mph. That isn't fast, but it is faster than I thought I was going to average. My quads were tired for the last several miles, but I didn't have any problems with being unsteady.

The elderly gentleman who lost his dog recently has a new dog that he was walking around the park yesterday and today. She is six years old and is a medium-sized dog that looks like a collie. He said she is just what he was looking for. I am happy for him.

Was in bed about 12 hours last night. Had trouble falling asleep, and my sleep was restless all night. I am thinking the meal I had at the club meeting may have had a lot of MSG. Got out of bed at about 9am, but only because Amy called. Did laundry first thing after talking to her. Oh, the drudgeries of life....

I don't know what joy is.

Tina has broken off contact with me again, as she is once again going to try to work things out with her girlfriend. She says she is going to pay me back what she owes me. I hope she does. It's just as well that she has broken off contact again. I wasn't all that interested in dealing with her and her situation. Too much drama for me.

Am probably going to start doing the Sunday club ride to Verdi and back after this Sunday. Will see how it goes. Am planning on trying to get up for the early sermon broadcast before the ride. The ride starts at noon now. Am not sure I can get up early enough for the early sermon. Besides, I think the late sermon has at least some additional content, and I prefer it for that reason.


2014/01/06 16:50 Monday

Did 30.26 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.6 mph. Didn't have any problems with being unsteady. However, my quads were somewhat tired toward the end of the ride. The temperature was 39 degrees when I started, and it went up only one degree during the ride.

Have a cycling club leadership meeting this evening, so will be getting to be fairly late (late for me, that is).


2014/01/06 10:45 Monday

Was in bed for about 12 1/2 hours last night, and slept about 12 hours. The legs feel better today. They feel a little weak, but at least I'm not tipping over. I'm thinking I should go back to seeing a doctor instead of a nurse practitioner. I haven't decided which doctor to go to. There are a couple of them that I have seen before that I am thinking about going back to.


2014/01/05 17:40 Sunday

The trainer ride went better than I expected. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 16.7 mph. Wasn't pushing myself at all. Didn't have any problems with my legs or balance during the ride, but afterward, I started having problems again.


2014/01/05 13:45 Sunday

Was planning on riding outdoors, but am going to ride the trainer instead. My legs are unsteady. They don't feel particularly weak today, but at times today, I have been having problems. I will be walking along, or standing, and I just tip over. That usually happens only when I am at the limits of exhaustion, but I just feel somewhat tired right now. Also, yesterday while at work, a few times when I got up from my desk and started walking, my legs felt very weak. Something is very wrong with me, and it is frustrating and frightening that no one knows what it is.


2014/01/05 08:45 Sunday

Was in bed for not quite 14 1/2 hours last night, and slept almost all of that time. Am thinking that the thyroid isn't the cause of the exhaustion, but that taking thyroid medication masks it to a slight degree. Am at a loss. Have been to doctor after doctor, and none of them have been able to determine the cause of the exhaustion.


2014/01/04 17:00 Saturday

Was stressed at work today. Had to take care of a task that I had been putting off.

Read the news online at work, and because I got that out of the way, I thought that I might have time to do a ride today after work, at least on the trainer. However, by the time I got home, I was already bushed. Read email, ate, and now am off to get ready for bed. Am very exhausted.


2014/01/03 17:40 Friday

Hope kitty got her collar off today. I found it and put it back on. Am going to look for a breakaway collar with a different design.

Went to Costco after work. It was swamped.

Am exhausted, as usual, but still have to shower. Am not going to take the time to read the news. Skimmed rgj.com quickly while at work, and that will have to do.


2014/01/02 17:15 Thursday

Had trouble falling asleep again last night. Am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2014/01/01 18:35 Wednesday

So far, so good with the collar. Hope kitty hasn't gotten it off yet.

Rode 30.30 miles of laps around the park at an average speed of 13.0 mph.

Have to go back to work tomorrow. The time off passed too fast. Seems like all I did was ride and sleep.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am fading fast. At least I haven't had to go back to bed during the day for a while.


2014/01/01 11:50 Wednesday

Yesterday, when I was bringing laundry in, Hope kitty peered outdoors. I picked her up and opened the door so she could see out. Am concerned that she might run outdoors one of these days, so I tried again to find the collar and ScoutID that she was able to get off some time ago. Found it in a closet. Put a different collar on her in the hope that it wouldn't break away as easily and she wouldn't be able to get it off. Will leave the collar on for several days before putting the ScoutID back on, as I don't want it to get lost again. Hopefully, she will get used to the collar and won't keep trying to get it off.


2014/01/01 09:25 Wednesday

A blessed New Year to you and yours.

Went to bed at about 9 o'clock last night. Laid there in a fog until 11:54, when I got up to use the bathroom. Might have drifted in and out of a light sleep, as it didn't seem as though I had laid there for three hours. Had the alarm set for 8am, but hit snooze for about an hour. Am exhausted, but didn't want to sleep too late. Am hoping to be able to get to sleep by 7pm in order to get a decent night's rest before going back to work tomorrow.

The New Year's fireworks startled Hope kitty at first, but I kept telling her it was okay, and she stayed calm.


2013/12/31 20:10 Tuesday

Happy New Year.

Rode 30.33 miles of laps around the park at an average speed of 13.0 mph. Was woozy toward the end of the ride, but managed to finish.

Ran into Tina on the way to the park. She was walking home from the store, and I stopped to talk to her. Today is her birthday. Looks like we will resume friendship again.

Did some laundry after the ride. Had a large load of cycling gear. It really piles up this time of year. Am looking forward to the end of cold weather, but it is months away.

Had trouble falling asleep last night, and then Hope kitty woke me twice needing attention. She rarely does that. When she does, I go ahead and pet her for a while. I don't want to punish her for waking me. Maybe she was having bad dreams, or maybe she just needed to be reminded that she is loved. Anyway, I had set an alarm to wake me at 7am, but I hit snooze until 8:30. Was in bed for about 12 hours.

Speaking of being in bed, I'm fading fast and need to get to bed. I hope new year festivities don't interfere with my sleep.


2013/12/30 19:25 Monday

Did 30.42 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.7 mph, but was taking it easy again today. Heard some sad news... There is an elderly gentleman who used to walk his elderly dog at the park, and when I was putting my gloves on after leaving the restroom, I saw him and asked him where his dog was. He told me he had the vet put her down, as she was in a lot of pain. She was 14 1/2 years old.

Twice now while I have been riding, my iPhone has reported a SIM error that has required a power-cycle to fix. It seems to be due to the cold, but the temperature has been in the low 40's when it has happened. I googled, and found that tests have shown that problem happens to iPhones in the 27-degree F range.

Have been feeling a little better today. Was in bed about 12 hours last night, but had trouble falling asleep initially, so I probably slept about 10.5 - 11 hours. Didn't feel the need to go back to bed during the day. Set an alarm for 8:30 this morning, as I need to start accustoming myself to getting up earlier again. Have to go back to work on Thursday.


2013/12/29 19:05 Sunday

2 Chronicles 7:13-14 (NASB95):

13If I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or if I command the locust to devour the land, or if I send pestilence among My people,
14and My people who are called by My name humble themselves and pray and seek My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
America is courting disaster. Sins of various types are becoming more and more normal, and those who speak out against sin are labeled as "haters" and face consequences for speaking out.

Joshua 24:15 (NASB95):

13"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."


2013/12/29 17:20 Sunday

Am feeling good right now. Have the "runner's high" from my ride. Did 30.26 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. My average speed was a slow 12.5 mph, but I was just taking it easy. Also, for the last 10 laps, I had to go down the hill by the horse pasture slowly. The guy that owns the horses shoveled some ice from the sidewalk and threw it onto the road. It was slushy, but I didn't want to take a chance on sliding. The second time around after he started doing that, I caught his attention and pointed out that he was making it dangerous for me. He responded that he just realized that, and that he wasn't helping me out at all. On that lap, I stopped to use the restroom, and thought for sure he would have shoveled the ice back off the road before I got there. However, he was gone, and the slushy ice patches were still there. That disappointed me, but maybe he had something else he had to take care of. Anyway, I finished the ride, and then went back with a snow shovel and cleaned off the road myself. Enough of the slushy ice had melted that the road was wet. Am hoping there won't be a glaze of black ice tomorrow. If I wait until the early afternoon it should be fine.


2013/12/29 12:30 Sunday

Romans 11:17-24 (NASB95):

17But if some of the branches were broken off, and you, being a wild olive, were grafted in among them and became partaker with them of the rich root of the olive tree,
18do not be arrogant toward the branches; but if you are arrogant, remember that it is not you who supports the root, but the root supports you.
19You will say then, "Branches were broken off so that I might be grafted in."
20Quite right, they were broken off for their unbelief, but you stand by your faith. Do not be conceited, but fear;
21for if God did not spare the natural branches, He will not spare you, either.
22Behold then the kindness and severity of God; to those who fell, severity, but to you, God's kindness, if you continue in His kindness; otherwise you also will be cut off.
23And they also, if they do not continue in their unbelief, will be grafted in, for God is able to graft them in again.
24For if you were cut off from what is by nature a wild olive tree, and were grafted contrary to nature into a cultivated olive tree, how much more will these who are the natural branches be grafted into their own olive tree?


2013/12/29 12:05 Sunday

I still question the "once saved, always saved" doctrine. It is written that no one can snatch Christ's sheep from Him, but it is not written that His sheep cannot wander away from Him.


2013/12/29 10:30 Sunday

Was in bed for about 15 1/2 hours last night. Just laid there in a fog for the first 2 1/2 hours. Then I started getting restless, so I picked up my iPhone and looked at information about rides I would like to do this year if my health ever improves. Did that for about 30 minutes, then laid there in a fog for about another hour and a half. Finally fell asleep. Slept until the alarm went off. Wanted to make sure I had time to shower before the sermon. If I feel up to it, I will ride outdoors soon after the sermon, and since it has been a couple of days since I showered, I wanted to shower first.

One of the rides I would like to do is the Chico Wildflower. There are a number of different options. One is a flat 60-mile route. I might be able to do that. Two other rides are the America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride and the Tour de Tahoe. There are two options for those rides (there is also a 100-mile option for the AMBBR). One option is the full distance around Tahoe, which is 72 miles, and the other is a boat ride across the lake and 35-mile ride back to the start. I know I could do the 35-mile ride, but the boat ride wouldn't be pleasant for me. The first time I did the TdT, I did that, and thought the boat ride would never end. Was cold almost the entire time. Besides, there would be no sense of accomplishment at having ridden only 35 miles. Have done the 72-mile route a few times, but unless my health improves, I probably wouldn't try it again. Another ride I looked up is the Alta Alpina Riding the Wild Sierra. One route is a 64-mile Wild Sierra Metric. A "metric" is metric century, or 100 km. A "century" is 100 miles. Maybe I could do the Wild Sierra metric.

On the other hand, unless my health improves, doing any of those rides except the 35-mile one is likely a pipe dream.


2013/12/28 15:45 Saturday

Wanted to ride outdoors today, but was afraid to. My legs have hardly any soreness left, but they are very unsteady. I have to steady myself on things while walking or standing. The unsteadiness isn't new, but typically it only happens when I am tired and need to go to bed. Weakness is a common symptom of hypothyroidism. I'm going to go back to 75 mcg of Synthroid and 5 mcg of Cytomel starting tomorrow.

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 17.0 mph.

As usual, exhaustion has set in. Will be going to bed no later than 5:30pm. Am going to try to hold out until the mail comes, as a prescription may arrive today, and I don't want it to sit out in the cold tonight. It is bad enough for it to be in a cold mail truck during the day.


2013/12/28 08:15 Saturday

Was in bed a little over 14 hours last night. Slept most of that time. Am still tired.

The quads are only a little sore now, but are still fairly weak.


2013/12/27 16:55 Friday

Have been up for only about eight hours, but am going to get ready for bed now anyway. Am tired. Hope I sleep better tonight.


2013/12/27 16:35 Friday

Decided not to do a workout today. Am giving my quads a rest. If I had worked out today, tomorrow would have been a rest day. Figured I would take the rest day today instead and try to get my quads back to normal. The Ace bandages have been helping some, but not as much as I had hoped. The quads are still sore and weak. The Ibuprofen I started taking this morning hasn't helped much either. Guess old age is leaving me unable to recover as well as I used to.


2013/12/27 12:40 Friday

Was in bed for over 14 1/2 hours last night, but was awake a good part of that time. In case the sleeplessness was due to the Synthroid, I went ahead and dropped the dose back down to 50 mcg this morning. I also increased the dose of Cytomel back to 10 mcg. That means I am back at the last dosage prescribed by the nurse practitioner.

Went to the DMV this morning to have the credit union dropped from my truck title. Was told that I didn't really need to get a new title, but decided to do it anyway. That way, if I lose the title, I won't have to go back through the credit union to get a new one. The trip to the DMV was quick and painless. I was there for only about 20 minutes all told.

My quads are still sore. Dug out a couple of Ace bandages that I bought many years ago and wrapped the quads. I used to push myself too hard at weightlifting, and used to wrap my quads to help support them when they were sore.


2013/12/26 Thursday

My quads are sore and weak from running yesterday. When I was going down the stairs yesterday afternoon, my left leg almost gave out on me at one point. Today, walking has been difficult. Went ahead and did 20 miles on the trainer, though. Had expected my quads to be a problem, and they were, but only a little. Was surprised that my hamstrings felt as though they might cramp, especially early on. Made it through the ride without any serious problems, though. Averaged 17.3 mph.

Will probably go to the DMV tomorrow morning. Still haven't gotten the title to my truck in my name.

Am exhausted, as usual. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/12/26 09:25 Thursday

Was in bed for over 14 1/2 hours last night, and slept most of that time.


2013/12/25 13:30 Wednesday

Merry Christmas, and may the blessings of the season be upon you and yours.

Was in bed for about 11 1/2 hours last night. Had trouble falling asleep. By the time I got to bed, I was too tired to sleep. After the bike shop party, I came home and started getting ready for bed. Then, I checked my iPhone calendar, and realized that I had forgotten about a Christmas Eve service I wanted to watch. Stayed up to watch that, even though I was exhausted.

Did a run today instead of a ride. Wanted to get a workout done early in the day, and was concerned about the possibility of black ice on the downhill by the horse pasture. Ran five miles around the park at a very slow pace. Was dressed way too warmly. It was 38 degrees when I started and 42 when I finished, and I was sweating a lot. I judged what I should wear by cycling standards, but when running, there isn't the wind chill effect that there is in cycling. Unfortunately, too, I developed a blister on the arch of my left foot. It isn't that bad, but I am definitely aware of it.


2013/12/24 15:40 Tuesday

Was in bed about 12 1/2 hours last night. My sleep was restless all night. Sleep disturbances can be caused by high thyroid levels, so this morning, I went ahead and took 75 mcg of Synthroid but dropped the dose of Cytomel to 5 mcg. Have been feeling somewhat tired today, but that isn't surprising given that I didn't sleep well. At least I haven't had to go back to bed today.

Did 30.36 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. My pace was very slow. Averaged only 12.4 mph. One reason for that is that for most of the ride, I was being very cautious on the downhill by the horse pasture due to the possibility of patches of ice that hadn't melted yet. It didn't look all that slick where it had melted yesterday, but I wasn't sure. It was cold out, especially when I started, and the hill was in shade the whole time.

Merry Christmas a day early.


2013/12/23 18:15 Monday

Took 75 mcg of Synthroid this morning, and have felt better today. I am thinking maybe the low TSH level was due to the T3 level being high. For a few days, am going to see how I feel on 75 mcg of Synthroid (T4) and the 10 mcg of Cytomel (T3), which is the dose of Cytomel the nurse practitioner prescribed. Then, I am planning on decreasing the dose of Cytomel to 5 mcg and see how I feel. If I still feel better, after a while I will let the nurse practitioner know what dosages I have been taking, and have labwork done.

Did 30.21 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.0 mph. That isn't all that fast, but then, I wasn't pushing myself at all. Finished just in time. The sun had gone down over the mountains when I still had about 5 miles to go, but it was still fairly light when I finished. I switched from dark sunglasses to clear glasses with about 2 1/2 miles to go, and also turned on a second taillight, although the extra taillight wasn't really necessary. Early in the ride, after only a couple of laps, I stopped to talk to the guy who owns the horses in the pasture by the park. He said he was finally able to get the paint off the horses after a couple of days of scrubbing. I mentioned to him that I had read that the police had arrested some taggers, and asked him if they were suspects in the horse tagging. He said the police hadn't contacted him, but he was going to call them and ask.

Amy invited me to a Christmas party the bike shop is having tomorrow afternoon. Will be going to that.

Am fading. Off to finish getting ready for bed.


2013/12/22 18:05 Sunday

Slept not quite 11 hours last night, and have been in and out of bed all day. Wasn't able to ride outdoors due to the exhaustion, but late in the day, I dragged myself out of bed and did a ride on the trainer. Averaged 16.8 mph for the 20 miles.

Watched a sermon online this morning, and listened to sermon podcasts while riding. Am blessed to be able to watch sermons online and to listen to them on my iPhone. I believe it is for the best that I do not attend church. I am too much of a loner to interact with people at church.

Am having lunch with Amy tomorrow, even though I am a loner. I don't know why I accept invitations to interact with people. Also, I will be having Christmas dinner at my sister's house. I really don't want to do that.

Am hoping I will feel up to riding outdoors tomorrow.

Have decided to increase the dose of Synthroid back up to 75 mcg from 50 mcg. I was feeling better when on the 75 mcg. I'm not going to consult with the nurse practitioner about it, at least for now. Will see if increasing the dose helps. I have eight 75 mcg tablets, and a lot of 100 mcg tablets that I can cut into quarters.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed. As usual, am exhausted.


2013/12/21 17:40 Saturday

Had another very stressful day at work. Instead of one round of generating and printing media, there were three. In between those rounds, though, I mainly just read the news online, so I can't say the whole day was stressful. And now I don't have to go back to work until January 2nd.

Thought I was going to have a respite from dealing with the downstairs neighbor while she is out of town, but she is still calling me every day to check in. At least I don't have to take her shopping. And I haven't had to talk to her yet, as I haven't been in my office when she has called. She has just been leaving voicemail.

Might ride laps around the park tomorrow afternoon. Drove around it on my way home from work, and the conditions don't look too bad. There is still ice on the side of the road in places, but mostly they are places where I can be in the middle of the road, such as on the downhill by the horse pasture.

Will be volunteering at the KTMB Christmas Tree Recycling event on Sunday, July 12th. I almost didn't volunteer, as I would prefer to be home watching a sermon, but since I am on the Green Team at work, I felt I should volunteer with the group from work. Will listen to the podcast of the sermon when it is posted instead of watching it online.

Am too exhausted to function. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/12/20 18:00 Friday

Had a very stressful day at work today. This morning, I put the finishing touches on the draft of the Reno IT Business Continuity Plan and published it. I was nervous about the possibility of making mistakes. I did make a mistake that I caught. Then, this afternoon, I had to generate and print the media (such as ticket labels and invoices) that orderfillers and packers in the warehouse use. I was the only IT person there after 9am, so I had to do everything myself. I will be the only IT person there tomorrow, too, and will again have to generate and print the media in the afternoon.

It is politically correct to bash Christians, but not for Christians to express their beliefs about sin. That picture is very wrong.


2013/12/19 19:20 Thursday

Have never watched Duck Dynasty and never will. However, I have signed two online petitions in support of Phil Robertson. Religious freedom is being eroded by the gay agenda, among other factors, and that is deplorable. Furthermore, one homosexual group (I think it was GLAAD) actually had the audacity to make a statement to the effect that his beliefs do not reflect true Christian beliefs. They are wrong. True Christians hold to the Bible's teachings, and the Bible states that homosexual actions are sins.

Anyway... am exhausted, as usual. Had to shower tonight, and am so tired that I have had difficulty keeping my balance. Had better get to bed now.


2013/12/18 18:45 Wednesday

Was out of bed for less than nine hours yesterday.

Should shower this evening, as it was yesterday morning when I last showered, but am too tired. Had to go to Costco after work, and that took up all the extra time and energy I had to spare. Came home, ate, read the news, and that is all I can do.

Read about the shooting at Renown, and of course there was also the shooting at the school not long ago. I'm thankful that even when I was having mental health issues, I never contemplated violence. Even now, when I contemplate suicide, I never contemplate harming others first.


2013/12/17 15:20 Tuesday

Yesterday, I wrote that I suppose I believe God doesn't care about me. Maybe He does, maybe He doesn't. I often give thanks to Him for having helped me to rebuild my life and for all that I have. My health situation is overwhelming, though. I can barely make it through work days, and it seems all that I get done nowadays on my days off is riding. Am stubborn about that. Am just not going to give it up until I simply cannot ride.

Speaking of riding, I had a decent ride on the trainer today. Averaged 17.1 mph for the 20 miles.

Tried to do Bible study, but am too tired to focus. Slept about 13 hours last night, and have been exhausted all day. Will likely be in bed no later than 4:30pm.

One more week of work, and then I have a week of vacation.


2013/12/17 12:10 Tuesday

Am very depressed. That mood differs from my normal hatred of life. The hatred of life has a bitter edge to it.


2013/12/17 10:50 Tuesday

Somehow managed to survive the trip to Squeeze In with the downstairs neighbor. Now I need to decompress before riding.


2013/12/16 17:40 Monday

Have faded into a state of complete exhaustion. Should shower tonight, but am too tired. Will have to do that tomorrow before going to Squeeze In. Would have showered earlier, but was waiting for the mail to come. I was expecting two prescriptions that I didn't want to leave in the mailbox overnight due to the cold. I think that there is a potential for the potency to be affected when medications are subjected to extremes of temperature.

Have to get ready for bed before I drop.


2013/12/16 15:25 Monday

Had a good ride on the trainer. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 17.6 mph. Burned off some of the bitterness about life.

It occurred to me while I was riding and listening to sermons that my feeling better today (at least physically) is an answered prayer. I often give thanks for answered prayers regarding progress in the health of others, but it is almost as though in my mind prayer is irrelevant to my own life. When it comes down to it, I suppose I believe God doesn't care about me.


2013/12/16 13:10 Monday

The downstairs neighbor asked me to make copies of something she is putting in her Christmas cards. I did it, and it didn't take long, but she irritates the daylights out of me. Dealing with her for even a few minutes ruins my whole day. Unfortunately, I will have to deal with her again tomorrow. She asked me to take her to Squeeze In so that she can use a $10 off coupon she has, and she wants me to take her on another errand as well. I should have said no. Thankfully, I will have a respite from her for at least two weeks, and hopefully longer. A friend of hers has paid airfare for her to go on a visit.

Went to the grocery store to get spring mix lettuce. Drove around Virginia Lake on the way to see if it would be possible to do laps on the bike. There is still way too much ice on the side of the road. Looks as though I'll be on the trainer for a long time. I hate winter. I hate life.


2013/12/16 09:55 Monday

Several nights ago, I dreamt that I was hanging out with the pastor of the church from which I have been exiled. Such dreams are bittersweet. They are always pleasant when they occur, but upon waking and remembering them, they cause pain.

Slept not quite 11 hours last night, and I don't feel too bad. Maybe decreasing the dose of Synthroid isn't what caused the exhaustion to get worse again. Maybe the problem was that I decreased the dose of Cytomel for a time.


2013/12/15 17:25 Sunday

Went back to bed for about an hour and forty-five minutes. Want to stay up past my bedtime to watch something online, so I figured I'd better rest up. Didn't manage to fall asleep, but just laid there in a fog.


2013/12/15 14:50 Sunday

Slept not quite 15 hours last night, and have been tired today. I think that cutting the dose of Synthroid was a mistake. I hope I can get in to see an endocrinologist and that it helps. However, I think the only endocrinologists' office that is on my insurance is the one that declined to see me in the past because my labs were normal. Maybe with another referral, they will see me after all.

Did 20 miles on the trainer just now at an average speed of 17.2 mph.


2013/12/14 16:40 Saturday

Am about to drop from exhaustion. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/12/13 18:20 Friday

Have had yet another fiasco with medical staff over the last two days, this time with the staff of a doctor I haven't seen in over a year and the staff of a doctor I have never been to. More on that when I am not so exhausted.

My downstairs neighbor just doesn't get it when I tell her I am dead tired. She keeps talking at me anyway. I finally cut her off tonight on the phone and told her I had to go. Unless someone has lived through it, I don't think anyone can comprehend what it is like to exist in a state of constant exhaustion that daily gets to the point of not being able to function.

Speaking of which, I am too tired to function and have to get to bed asap.


2013/12/12 18:45 Thursday

Had to wait 45 minutes at the doctor's office before being seen by the nurse practitioner. One of the staff told me that the doctor had taken off to play golf in Pebble Beach and left the nurse practitioner to see all the patients. I might be looking for another doctor's office soon.

The nurse practitioner is going to refer me to an endocrinologist. She is hoping that a specialist might be able to help me better. I told her that a different doctor had referred me to an endocrinologists' office before, but that office declined to see me because my labs were normal. I looked up both of the doctors she mentioned, and neither are on my insurance plan. Maybe they will be after the first of the year. I doubt it, though.

Am exhausted. Am too tired to function. Need to get to bed asap.


2013/12/11 18:00 Wednesday

Made it through another day at work. Came home, ate, and skimmed the news. Need to shower now and then get to bed asap. Am exhausted, as usual.

The doctor's office didn't call me today about the Cytomel. Typical doctor's office staff: Dropping the ball. I didn't bother to call, as I have to see the nurse practitioner tomorrow anyway. I was told that in order to get a referral to an endocrinologist, I would have to go into the office because they would need chart notes. Never mind the fact that there are already chart notes. Typical doctor's office staff: Morons.


2013/12/10 17:05 Tuesday

Was in bed about 14 1/2 hours last night, and was still exhausted this morning. One thing that may have caused the relapse of exhaustion is my having worked 12-hour days, but there is something else that may be a cause: I cut down the dose of Cytomel (T3) several days ago (from 10 mcg to 5 mcg). The nurse who called after the last set of labs told me to cut the Cytomel dose in half, but it may turn out that she misspoke and it was only the Synthroid I should have cut down, even though my T3 level was higher than normal. I am waiting to have the nurse call me back about that. Also, I have requested a referral to an endocrinologist. In the meantime, I went ahead and took 10 mcg of Cytomel this morning.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Managed to average 17.0 mph. Maybe resuming the higher dose of Cytomel this morning helped.

Haven't been on Facebook since Thanksgiving. It was too much of a time-waster for me.

Just reached 1 Corinthians 13 in my Bible study. That chapter discourages me. I don't comprehend much about love, and the mere mention of the word makes me very uncomfortable.

2 Corinthians 2:14 (NASB95):

14But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.

Am exhausted, as usual. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/12/09 16:55 Monday

Was out of bed less than 7 hours yesterday, and then was in bed for 14 hours last night. Am still exhausted. The 12-hour days were just too hard on me. Didn't fall asleep right away last night, though. Laid there for at least an hour in a fog permeated by the pain of the circumstances of my mental and legal problems of the past. Also, my sleep was restless all night.

While laying in bed in the fog, I thought of some sermon teachings that eased some of the pain, and I turned to God for comfort. In the last few years, I haven't prayed much on my own behalf, but recently I have been doing so more. One thing I have started praying for is that God will draw me ever closer unto Himself. I need to be closer to God. I need the solace being closer to God brings, and I need His strength to make it through each day.

In yesterday's sermon broadcast, a man commented to the effect that when the pastor goes astray, the people of the church pray for him, and when the pastor is on the right path, they follow him. I wonder if the remark about his going astray was a veiled reference to the farce. I don't know what else he could have been referring to, but then, it has been so long since I have been present in the pastor's life, I wouldn't know anyway.

I, too, prayed for the pastor during the time the farce was first taking place, as the man making the comment knows, and I have continued to pray for him. Also, I try to follow him. It is hard, as there are spiritual stumbling blocks in my soul, but I try.

Heard about the term "genderqueer" the other day. It seems to be a catch-all term for people whose gender identity doesn't match their physical anatomy. It applies to me. I definitely don't identify as a female, but I don't identify as a male, either, in large part because men cannot see beyond my anatomy and accept me for who I am in terms of gender, which is not female. As a result, I am alienated from both men and women.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 16.0 mph. Am just too tired to have ridden faster.

It is exceedingly frustrating dealing with staff at doctors' offices. The latest in that saga is that I was told today by the doctor's office that they had called in a prescription to Costco for me on Friday, so I went to Costco, where I was told that they didn't have anything for me. I was kicking myself for not calling first. I know better than to trust the staff at any doctor's office. I called the doctor's office, told them that I was at Costco and that Costco didn't have any record of the scrip, and asked them to call it in. They told me they would call it in as soon as they could. I told them again that I was at Costco and hoped they could call it in right away. They repeated that they would do it as soon as they could, which I took to mean that it would be futile to wait for the scrip. Never mind the fact that it was their mistake that was the reason I had made the trip to Costco in the first place. As I have noted before, it is scary that people's lives are in the hands of such morons.

Have been out of bed for only about 8 1/2 hours, but am utterly exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/12/08 12:25 Sunday

Had a lot of trouble dragging myself out of bed this morning. Managed to get up in time to watch the sermon, though. There was one moment of the sermon that was excruciatingly painful for me. That pain will never be healed this side of heaven. Every time the circumstances come to mind, it is as though a knife were being twisted in my soul. I was both a betrayer and the betrayed. My mental illness was the root cause, and I should have been placed in the mental health system, not the criminal justice system. Furthermore, in a sense, it was a farce and still is. Especially since I have been stable on medication for so long, it would seem that the farce could be over. Apparently it never will be, though.


2013/12/07 22:20 Saturday

My last 12-hour work day is over. Thankfully, I made it to and from work safely and without mishap. The drive to Stead this morning was a little nerve-wracking due to a lot of snow being on the roads, but I didn't have any problems. The drive home was a breeze. The freeway was dry. That was a relief, as I feared that the freeway would be a sheet of ice.

Am so exhausted that my head is spinning. Won't be able to sleep in very late tomorrow, as I have an alarm set to wake me in time to watch a sermon. The sermon isn't very early, but still, I won't be able to get my normal weekend night's sleep of 12 hours.


2013/12/06 22:30 Friday

Made the drive safely again. It was snowing when I left work, and it was starting to stick on the freeway, but I just took it slow and didn't have any problems. Have to be at work at 9am, and will be giving myself plenty of time to get there.

Have to get ready for bed before I drop.


2013/12/05 23:10 Thursday

Made it to and from work again, thankfully. Had to shower tonight, so I am getting to bed very late. Am utterly exhausted. This week will be our last week of 12-hour days. The plan was to do 12-hour days until December 14th, but the plan has been changed.


2013/12/04 22:05 Wednesday

Made it to and from work safely and without mishap. Gave thanks for that. When I was driving to work, there was a wreck somewhere around the Sun Valley turnoff on 395 South. Traffic was backed up all the way to Stead Blvd.

Made it through the 12-hour workday, but am about to drop from exhaustion. Need to get ready for bed ASAP.


2013/12/03 18:50 Tuesday

I hate snow. Driving out to Stead and back in the snow is not fun. I have four-wheel drive and mud/snow rated tires, but it still is nerve-wracking. I'm always concerned that even if I have control of my vehicle, others might not. I'm also concerned that I might lose control.

Didn't get enough rest this weekend. Don't know how I will make it through the work week.

Was so tired by 3:30pm today that I thought about getting ready for bed then. Hadn't had a chance to ride yet, though, and I really wanted to do that. Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.5 mph. That isn't fast, but it is an improvement over the last two days.

After doing the ride, I hard-boiled some eggs. Should have waited until after showering so that my hair could be drying while I was doing that. Am going to go to bed now, even though my hair isn't quite dry. I suppose I could take the hair dryer to it, but am not going to bother.


2013/12/02 15:25 Monday

Got up early to take my truck in to have the battery checked. It checked out fine, thankfully.

Did a ride on the trainer, as it was a blustery day and I didn't feel like fighting the wind. Did 20 miles at an average speed of only 16.3 mph. That is better than yesterday, though, when I averaged only 15.7 mph.

Saw the nurse practitioner and then went to have bloodwork done.

There is a cycling club board meeting this evening. Am going to lie down for an hour or so. Need rest.


2013/12/01 15:15 Sunday

Forgot to mention: Was disappointed that I wasn't able to watch a sermon today. As to riding the trainer instead of riding outdoors, I was too tired to be alert enough to ride safely outdoors anyway.


2013/12/01 14:25 Sunday

Set the alarm clock to wake me up in time to watch the early sermon, but it was hard to get out of bed. Didn't get nearly enough sleep. It was probably not even eight hours. Had trouble falling asleep.

Cooked steel-cut oats and put blackberries in it. Unfortunately, the blackberries tasted fermented. They were frozen ones I had bought at SaveMart. Picked them out of the bowl and ate the oats. Went to Costco today and picked up a three-berry blend that I usually keep on hand.

After dragging myself out of bed in time, I settled in to watch the sermon. However, not too far into the sermon, the live feed froze. Then, when I tried refreshing the screen, it said the feed was not found. Was hoping that would be fixed by the second sermon, but it wasn't. If I had been able to watch the first sermon and everything had gone right, I would have been on a tight schedule. Decided to alter my plans. Instead of riding outdoors after the first sermon, I rode the trainer for 20 miles before the second sermon was scheduled to start. However, the feed still wasn't fixed by then, so I showered and then went to REI and Costco. Came home and read the news online, and now I still have some time before the cycling club party.

At REI, I picked up a couple of insulated bike bottles. I plan to use them with the electrolyte drink mix that is intended to be served hot.

Am exhausted. Am going to lay down for about 45 minutes before the party.


2013/11/30 22:20 Saturday

Made it through another 12-hour day. It was a day when it seemed nothing would go right. At least the time went by faster than if it hadn't been busy. Now I have three days off to recuperate. Tomorrow will be busy, though. Will watch a sermon online in the morning, then will ride, then shower, and then go to the cycling club holiday party. Would like to make a quick stop by REI, too, but probably won't have time.

Was praying on the drive home that I would make it safely and without mishap. Am thankful I did.


2013/11/29 22:20 Friday

Made it through the first 12-hour day. Came home, made tomorrow's lunch, took care of a few other things, and now am heading off to get ready for bed. Am exhausted. No surprise there. Just have to make it through one more day, then I have three days off.


2013/11/28 17:45 Thursday

Belated Thanksgiving blessings.

Had to work today, but made good money. Since I am an hourly, I was paid time-and-a-half, and was also paid for an additional full day's work. Since we have started working holidays, the rule is that if a person is scheduled to work the holiday, they get paid time-and-a-half and get a paid day off to make up for the holiday. However, this Thanksgiving, they decided to pay us for the day we would have gotten off rather than giving us a day off.

The 12-hour days start tomorrow. I am going to shower tonight so I don't have to shower tomorrow night. Am sure I will be too tired to shower tomorrow night or Saturday morning. Am exhausted, as usual, so I'd better get into the shower and then get to bed.


2013/11/27 18:30 Wednesday

Am so tired my head is spinning, but still have to shower. Didn't finish reading the news. Am just too exhausted. Hopefully I'll make it through the shower.

Took the downstairs neighbor to the grocery store after work. As usual, she was irritating me. Forgot to think about sermon teachings to help me through the time.

Don't know how I will survive 12-hour work days.


2013/11/26 17:15 Tuesday

Ended up giving Amy an overview of what happened. She was insisting that she should go to the pastor and ask him if I could go back to the church. When I finally told her, she understood that wouldn't work. She said that she had thought about asking him without telling me. I almost wish she had, just to see what would have happened. It is probably for the best that she didn't, though.

When I told her, I was overwhelmed by emotion and actually cried briefly. It is unusual for me to cry, but the situation was just too much for me. Sometimes I still wish I could go back to the church. And it is always exceedingly painful to be reminded of what happened.

Starting Friday, we will be working four 12-hour days for two and a half weeks. I don't know how I will survive. It wouldn't be surprising to me if I were to end up getting in a wreck driving to or from work due to exhaustion.

Did two loads of cycling gear laundry this morning. When it is cold and I have to bundle up to ride, the cycling gear that has to be washed really adds up. After washing gear, I did a ride. Did 30.39 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.7 mph. Today's excuse for being slow is that I have been tired all day.


2013/11/25 15:15 Monday

Am still sleeping 12 hours a night whenever time allows, but have been feeling better during the day. I am thankful for that.

Did 30.27 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.6 mph. Had to go very slow down the hill by the horse pasture several times, even slower than yesterday. Yesterday, I was mainly worried about getting in trouble with RPD or WCSO for speeding in a 15-mph zone. Today, the owner of the horses had them out of the pasture by the side of the road for several of my laps while he was being interviewed on camera, and I didn't want to risk spooking the horses. I rode in the opposite lane, and although I didn't look at my speedometer, I am guessing I was probably going five mph. I stopped to talk to him at one point during the ride, and he told me that he hasn't been able to get the paint off the horses. He doesn't want to try paint thinner or turpentine, as that would likely irritate their skin.

Am having dinner at Amy's this evening. Don't really want to go, but didn't want to turn down the invitation. I just prefer being alone to being in the company of others.


2013/11/24 20:30 Sunday

Just spent a couple of hours helping the downstairs neighbor with her Internet connection. It had been acting up, and I don't know if it was the router or the adapter. Part of the problem was that she didn't know the pass phrase to connect to the router. I remembered part of it, but not the exact phrase. The adapter would connect intermittently after power-cycling it and the router, and rebooting the PC. I replaced the adapter with a spare I had, but had to reset the router and reconfigure it because of not knowing the pass phrase. I made sure she wrote down the pass phrase, and also, I put it in my phone. Hopefully replacing the adapter will resolve the problem. While I was working on her connection, she was irritating me, as usual. I reminded myself of sermon teachings, and that helped.

This morning, I watched a sermon online on my Windows 7 box. Then I researched why the video was choppy when trying to watch sermons on my Linux box. The problem was apparently the Adobe Flash Player. Adobe is no longer supporting Flash for Firefox, the browser I was using, but they are supporting Chrome. Did some research, and found a repository for installing Chrome on Linux, and installed it. Then, to check out whether or not the sermon video was still choppy, I started watching the second sermon. It played as it should. Watched the whole sermon over again. There were slight differences. I think I might start watching the second sermon instead of the early one. I might be wrong, but I think the pastor took a little more time in the second sermon.

After watching the sermons, I rode 30.18 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 12.9 mph. Had to go slow down the hill by the horse pasture, as there were RPD and then WCSO officers parked there for almost the whole ride. They were there because some jerks had tagged not only the curb, the fence, and the horse shelter, but also the horses. Whenever I see the owner of the horses, I wave to him, and today I stopped to talk to him to see what was going on. He said the property has been tagged before, and he just paints over it, but the taggers went too far when they spray-painted the horses, so he called the police.

Have to finish getting ready for bed. Am about to drop.


2013/11/23 18:45 Saturday

Had a problem with my Windows 7 box today. Was trying to uninstall the trial of Office 365 that I installed when I was planning on being the membership chair for the cycling club. I uninstalled Office 365 and the SkyDrive from the control panel, but Office 2013 was still installed. Tried to uninstall it manually by following the instructions from the Microsoft site, but some things didn't work as they said they would. It ended up messing up my Office 2007 install. Uninstalling Office 2007 and reinstalling it didn't work at first, but it finally did. I thought for a while that it might be best to reinstall Windows 7. Thankfully, it didn't come to that.

Because I was fighting the computer problem, I got a late start on my ride. I almost rode the trainer instead of riding outdoors. I wasn't sure how many layers to put on, and also, I don't like having to be all bundled up to ride. For some reason, when it is cold and I am bundled up, I ride slower. I averaged only 12.5 mph today. Rode 30.31 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Wasn't sure I was going to make the 30-plus mileage mark, as the sun was down over the mountains when I still had about six or seven miles to go. Changed from sunglasses to clear lenses, turned on a second flashing tail light, and kept going. Finished with a little daylight left.

I don't know how to explain to Amy, if the subject comes up again, why I can't go back to the church from which I am in exile. She said she couldn't imagine my acting up in church, and I reminded her that I told her some time ago that I have bipolar disorder. She said I should tell the pastor that and surely he would understand. I told her it got ugly, and that I couldn't go back. She thought I could go back if I went with her, but I reiterated that I couldn't go back. She thinks very highly of the pastor. She said he is a great public speaker. I asked her why she stopped going, and she said that she didn't like going alone. I'm the opposite: I prefer to go places, including church, alone. Looks as though I will never be going back to church, though.


2013/11/22 18:05 Friday

Have had a very frustrating day. One ongoing frustration is having to deal with my boss. At least I have the next four days off from work.

Am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/11/21 17:00 Thursday

Am bushed. Still need to shower, though. Had better go do that now and get to bed asap.


2013/11/20 16:30 Wednesday

Left work two hours early today. Got to bed late last night due to the cycling club meeting, and then had trouble falling asleep. Have been tired all day. Need to get to bed as soon as possible.

Had a very uncomfortable moment at the meeting. It was mortifying. I mentioned to Amy from the bike shop that I watch sermons online on Sunday mornings, and that I like doing that but don't like going to church. She said that she used to go to a church that she really liked. She then described the church that I am in exile from. She suggested we go to that church together. I'm too tired right now to remember and recount the whole discussion, but I told her I couldn't go back there. I don't want to tell her the whole story.

Have to get ready for bed now. Am exhausted beyond measure.


2013/11/19 16:25 Tuesday

Averaged only 13.1 mph for the 30.25 miles of laps around the lake. For the last 10 miles or so, I was light-headed from the cold. I should have worn tights and a skullcap. By the time I finished, I was having a lot of trouble concentrating. Am thankful I made it home without mishap.


2013/11/19 13:00 Tuesday

Have had a busy day so far, and it will continue to be so. Started off the day with delicious steel-cut oats with berries and two homemade coffee mocha drinks. Skimmed rgj.com, but didn't take time to read other news sites, and won't have time to do so today. Paid bills, which is a lost cause. Changed my direct deposit so that less money is going into my credit union account, as truck payments will no longer be withdrawn from it. Designed and ordered Christmas cards from Costco. I couldn't find a design I really liked, but the one I chose will do. After that, I showered, and now am going to get ready to ride. Then, this evening, I will be going to the cycling club meeting. Good thing I haven't needed to take a nap today. Slept about 11 1/2 hours last night, and that was enough to get me through the day so far. We'll see how I feel tomorrow, as due to the meeting, I will be getting to bed late.


2013/11/18 18:40 Monday

Had a fairly good day today. Started it off with a homemade coffee mocha drink and steel-cut oats with berries. Did laundry, then rode. Did 30.27 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 13.2 mph. Was slowed down by various factors, and besides, I wasn't going all that fast even when I had the opportunity. Was a little underdressed; I had enough layers on my upper body to be warm on it, but didn't wear tights. My legs didn't really feel all that cold, but my toes were a little chilly.

Re-potted two of the plants that were Jolly's. They aren't in very good shape. I hope they survive. The ficus is doing fine, but not the two wandering jews. I was giving them a lot of water once a week, but I think I need to give them a moderate amount of water twice a week instead.

It is 6:40pm, and I am getting tired. Am not going to get ready for bed right away, though; am waiting on Adobe tech support chat. I received an email stating that my account's password had been reset for security reasons and that I needed to change it. However, I can't figure out my account ID. There were 12 ahead of me in line to chat when I started the session, and there are still seven. I might bail and try again some other time.


2013/11/18 08:40 Monday

As of today, my truck is paid off. Hip-hip-hooray!

Heard that Trader Joe's has quick cooking steel cut oats, so I picked up some a while back. The first time I cooked them in the microwave, I followed the instructions. Unfortunately, I ended up with oats all over the microwave. I have found that instructions on Trader Joe's items seem to be for low-wattage microwaves. Instead of cooking the oats on high like the package says, I have been cooking them on 50% power.

Slept about 11 hours last night. That is better than 12, but not by much. I'm still hoping that getting the right balance of thyroid meds will help.


2013/11/17 19:00 Sunday

Part of the day was good, and part was terribly frustrating. Started the day off by watching a sermon, which was a good part of the day. However, the streaming video was choppy. Maybe I have too many Firefox windows open or something, as I tested the download speed and it was way over what is needed for smooth video. Also, at the next sermon time, I used Chrome on the Windows 7 box to watch the first few minutes of the broadcast, and the video was smooth. The first time or two I watched sermons on my Linux box, it was smooth, too.

After that, I took the downstairs neighbor to Walmart and Costco. Yesterday, I asked her if she wanted to go to Costco with me when I went, and she said yes. She said she had just a few items that she wanted to get at Walmart, and asked if I would take her there also. I didn't want to, but told her I would. Okay, so we get to Walmart, and she had way more than just a few items to get. It took forever. It was exceedingly frustrating. I really resent feeling obligated to take her shopping. She irritates me, and besides, I just want to be alone as much as possible. I have a long way to go before being able to consider myself a decent Christian.

After that, I did 30.21 miles of laps around the park at an average speed of 13.5 mph. It was a fairly good ride overall, but at one point some jerk teenage driver almost hit me. I was wearing a jersey that says "3 Feet Please" on the back, which refers to the law that mandates giving bicycles three feet of clearance when passing. The teenagers pulled up behind me at a stop sign, so they must have seen what the jersey said, and then after we got past the stop sign, they buzzed me with not much room to spare. One of them looked back at me and looked as though she were laughing.

Slept over 12 hours last night, but at least I didn't have to go back to bed today. Am hoping that the thyroid meds will continue to help me get better and that someday I won't have to sleep so much.

I prayed regarding my health today. For some reason, I don't often pray about that. I pray for others' health, but not my own.

Am fading fast. Need to get ready for bed now.


2013/11/16 17:20 Saturday

Made it through another work week. Had trouble falling asleep last night. Am running on empty.

RoadID is having a sale, so I ordered some items. I recommend RoadIDs for any athlete or anyone with health issues.

Am off to get ready for bed now before I drop.


2013/11/15 18:25 Friday

Today wasn't as bad as yesterday, even though I was exhausted all day. Didn't get to bed last night until about 8pm, and then had trouble falling asleep. Last night, I was trying to remember a question from a sermon, and thought I would listen to part of the sermon I think it was in. The sermon wouldn't play in iTunes or on the website. Kept trying to download it, but it kept erroring out. Gave up and went to bed. After a while, I finally remembered the question. Then I wrestled with myself for a time while letting the question impact me.

I still loathe being female.

Was hoping to get to bed by 5:30pm this evening, but ended up reading more news articles than I should have. Also ended up reading articles that were posted to Facebook about bike locks, and that took some time. Am about to drop from exhaustion now. Had better get ready for bed ASAP.


2013/11/14 18:30 Thursday

Really hating life. I suppose I shouldn't be asking, "Why me?" It could be worse, but it is bad enough as it is.

Am exhausted and still need to shower.


2013/11/13 17:45 Wednesday

Am absolutely exhausted. Got to bed at about 7:45pm last night, and had trouble falling asleep. Had a non-stop day at work today. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/11/12 15:40 Tuesday

Had a good ride today. Did 30.20 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.9 mph. Early in the ride, I didn't think I would have a good ride, as my legs were feeling a little tired.

Some drivers are just plain stupid. One guy waited for me to turn from Lymberry onto Lakeside, but later he passed me and then put on his brakes soon after that right in front of me. I was going 19.2 mph in a 15 mph zone when he passed me.

Am going to a public information meeting this evening having to do with the plans for Keystone Avenue. Bicycle advocates are hoping to get bike lanes.


2013/11/11 18:55 Monday

Made it through another day without having to go back to bed. Dare I hope that the new mix of thyroid meds will help me feel better in the long term?

Did 30.19 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.4 mph. Maintained a decent pace most of the time, but got stuck behind slow-moving traffic at times, and also slowed down some toward the end of the ride.

Took the bike that Tina turned over to me to College Cyclery today. They are going to sell it for me on consignment. Can probably get more money for it that way, and will be able to avoid the hassle of selling it myself. They typically don't sell used bikes, but they are doing me a favor.

Am fading fast. It is past time to get ready for bed.


2013/11/10 18:15 Sunday

Downloaded and watched the Billy Graham message "The Cross." I liked the parts that featured Billy Graham, but disliked the rest of it. It was too edgy for me. I am thinking I will try to find videos of Billy Graham preaching.

Felt better today than I have in a while on a Sunday. After working four ten hour days, I am usually too tired to do much of anything on Sundays, the first day of my weekend. Didn't even have to take a nap today. Am very exhausted now, though.

Did 30.29 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.5 mph. Was tired toward the end of the ride, but am glad I went ahead and did over 30 miles.

Am fading fast. Need to get ready for bed before I drop.


2013/11/09 17:45 Saturday

Exhausted, as usual. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/11/08 18:50 Friday

One more day of work, then three days off. I am thankful to have a good job, but almost everyone in my department irritates the daylights out of me. I especially hate the morning meetings. They are a waste of time. They are long sessions in which most of the time is spent with people shooting the breeze.

There just aren't enough hours in the day. Am tired of being able to do little more than work and sleep. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/11/07 18:05 Thursday

Now I'm really exhausted. Wanted to watch the Billy Graham sermon, but as far as I can tell, it isn't on an over-the-air channel in Reno, and I don't have cable. Am so tired I have to go to bed asap anyway.

Went to the nurse practitioner today. She is lowering the dose of Synthroid (T4) and having me start taking Cytomel (T3). I hope that helps.

Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/11/06 17:50 Wednesday

Exhausted again. Am not going to finish scanning the news. Am just too tired. Still have to shower. Another time of wondering if I will be able to stay awake and upright long enough to shower.


2013/11/05 17:40 Tuesday

Am exhausted, as usual. Am going to collapse into bed soon.

Had a rough day today. Was in a foul mood all day.

This morning, I picked up the bike from Tina. Also picked up the helmet I lent her the money for, and the cycling shorts I didn't like that I gave her. Everything reeked of cigarette smoke, thanks to her girlfriend's nasty habit. I doused the helmet and the bike saddle twice with Febreze, and washed the shorts. Unfortunately, I combined the shorts and a set of bedsheets in one load. After the first washing, the shorts and sheets smelled like a dirty ashtray. Washed them again, with a very large amount of detergent, and with an extra wash and rinse setting. They still didn't smell fresh. Will try again next weekend.

Wanted to ride outdoors today, but ended up riding the trainer. My average speed was 16.9 mph. Because of having to wash the shorts and sheets twice, I ran short on time. I could have just done 15 miles on the commuter bike, but decided to do 20 on the trainer. Besides, I didn't want to deal with the moron drivers on the road because I was in such a bad mood.

Am not making much progress spiritually, and today was a day of backsliding in that I am hating life even more than usual.

Am dreading going back to work tomorrow. Life just isn't worth it.


2013/11/04 14:10 Monday

Slept over 12 hours last night, then laid down for a nap of over an hour after being up for not very long.

Have been too exhausted today to ride outdoors. Did 20 miles on the trainer. It took a hard effort to finish the whole 20. Averaged 16.3 mph.

Have to go to Costco to pick up a scrip. Then will likely lay down for a nap again before going to the cycling club board meeting. I emailed the club president this morning and told him that I don't want to be the membership chair after all due to my health problems. He was understanding. So, this will be my last board meeting.

Will be going in for thyroid bloodwork on the 8th, then will be going back to the nurse practitioner on the 15th. Maybe increasing the dose of Synthroid would help. Am at the end of my rope with the exhaustion.


2013/11/04 10:20 Monday

Somehow, I need to find a way to make it so that my entire existence, both internal realities and external manifestations, is fully aligned with God's will and His ways. One stumbling block is that I loathe being female, even though that is what he made me. And not only do I loathe being female myself, I loathe the typical female.


2013/11/03 17:25 Sunday

Managed to do 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 16.0 mph.

Am going to finish getting ready for bed now, before I drop from exhaustion.


2013/11/03 14:10 Sunday

Have been exhausted all day. Slept over 12 1/2 hours last night, was up for about an hour and a half this morning, went back to bed, got up after about an hour and a half, watched a sermon online, then went back to bed for over an hour. Finally dragged myself out of bed because I want to get at least some exercise today. Am too tired to be alert enough to ride outdoors, but am going to try to put in 20 miles on the trainer before going back to bed.


2013/11/02 16:55 Saturday

Survived another week of work, but as usual, there is a high price in terms of exhaustion. Have to get to bed asap, before I collapse.


2013/11/01 18:00 Friday

Got a facebook message from Tina yesterday evening just before going to bed. Her girlfriend's car broke down, and now Tina is saying she can't afford to make payments to me because of that. I had lent her the money to buy a bike when she had told me she could pay me at least $100 per month. I never should have done that. There is always some drama, some issue, when it comes to Tina. I should have left her to fend for herself in prison instead of sending her money. At this point, I deeply regret that I ever met her. I need to prayerfully contemplate what purpose God might have had for our having met, if any. Anyway, she has offered to give me the bike as a partial payment. Big deal. I already have a mountain bike, and I never ride the one I have. I might sell the bike, but I wouldn't be able to get what I paid for it. I might just hold onto it in case Tina ever has the money and wants it back. I haven't decided. I do know I will take the bike, because at least I would get something from her that way. I figure if I don't take the bike, she will sell it to get money anyway. I am exceedingly bitter about the whole situation.


2013/10/31 17:45 Thursday

Something I don't understand is why some people are too busy to get their work done, but they aren't too busy to go on and on to me about how they are too busy to get their work done. It is irritating, especially when I am trying to get my work done.

Am exhausted, as usual. Am not going to finish reading the news. Am going to shower and then collapse into bed.


2013/10/30 18:40 Wednesday

Made it through work, and then went to Costco. Took the downstairs neighbor. It was trying, but I survived.

Am exhausted. Need to get to bed asap.


2013/10/29 15:45 Tuesday

Am exhausted. Will probably be in bed no later than 5pm. Still have to shower, though.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Once again, my average speed was slow. It was only 16.2 mph. Didn't want to ride outdoors because it was wet and too cold. I have cold-weather gear that would have kept me warm, but I'm just not ready to bundle up that much.

Did a load of laundry after riding. Wanted to wash cycling gear and a couple of fleece jackets.

Had better hit the shower now so I will be able to get to bed early.


2013/10/28 17:15 Monday

Still haven't found Hope kitty's collar and ScoutID. Hopefully she won't ever decide to make a run for it while I am taking bikes in and out. She has blocked my way twice while peering out the door, but she hasn't yet ventured out. Also, twice now, I have thought I would hold her and let her look out the front door, but both times, when I have unlocked the door, she has panicked. I'm not sure what has made her do that. Maybe she thinks I am going to take her to the vet, which is the only place I have taken her when I have taken her outside, but when she goes to the vet, I put her in a travel box before going out the door. Maybe she thinks she is going to be put outside to fend for herself. She was a stray before being at the Nevada Humane Society. Maybe she had a rough time of it as a stray, and maybe she really likes having a person who gives her loving attention, shelter, comfortable places to sleep, fresh water, and food whenever she feels like eating. She is a good kitty, and I am thankful to have her.

Did 25.89 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. My average speed was a very slow 12.5 mph. It was cold and windy. I was dressed for the cold, so I was warm enough, but even so, I just don't like cold weather and having to bundle up. I almost didn't dress warmly enough. It didn't seem all that cold when I went outside, and the UPS driver who delivered a package to me was wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. The thermometer on my balcony read 44 degrees, though, and that called for wearing cold-weather gear. Accuweather reported a temperature of 41 degrees, and their forecast was calling for rain and then snow starting at about an hour after I started the ride. Fortunately, the weather stayed dry.

I went to Eclipse Running after the ride and picked up some Skratch Labs Apple and Cinnamon sport drink mix that is intended to be made with hot water. It is more expensive than Cytomax, but I'm going to give it a try because a hot drink mix will help keep me warmer during cold-weather workouts.


2013/10/28 08:15 Monday

Romans 9:20-21 (NASB95):

20On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, "Why did you make me like this," will it?
21Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use?


2013/10/27 18:35 Sunday

Stupid me. I wanted to be in bed by 6pm. However, when I went to update the apps on my iPhone, a popup appeared asking if I wanted to update the iOS software. Without thinking about how long it would take, I clicked yes. I didn't want to let it run unattended, as I feared that my PC would go into standby mode and cause problems with the install. It is finally done. Time to go to bed now.


2013/10/27 17:50 Sunday

Today has been rough. Have been exhausted all day.

Was too foggy from exhaustion to be alert enough to ride outdoors, but forced myself to do a workout on the trainer. Did 20 miles at a very slow average speed of 15.9 mph. Didn't feel up to riding at all, but at least I did it.

I don't know if it is a sin to loathe being female. Perhaps it is, as it is loathesome to me to be what God made me. Regardless, my loathing isn't going to change.

I am reminded of a time when I felt very strongly God's calling of me. It was the first day that I attended the church from which I am now exiled. I had a very strong sense that God intended for me to be at that church, and that He wanted me to get serious about my relationship with Him. It seemed that He was laying down the law and telling me that it was now or never. That was June 14th, 1998, and the sermon was entitled, "Prescription for Patience." It seemed that God was using that sermon to tell me that He had been patient with me, but it was time for me to make a commitment to Him.


2013/10/26 18:35 Saturday

Left work an hour and a half early. Was too tired to function. Was praying that I would make it home safely and without mishap, and gave thanks when I did. Hoped that after a nap, I would be able to ride. Set a timer for 1.5 hours and went to bed. Was still too tired to ride, so I ate and skimmed the news. Now am off to get ready for bed.


2013/10/25 17:35 Friday

Am utterly exhausted again. At least I didn't have any errands to run after work today, and I won't be showering since I showered last night. Came home from work, ate, and skimmed the news. Of course, the first thing I did upon getting home, as usual, was to give Hope kitty lots of petting and attention.

Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/10/24 18:55 Thursday

After work, I went by College Cyclery, then to Costco. Came home, ate, and skimmed some of the news. Replied to a facebook message sent by Tina. Told her again that I don't see her in the same light as the drunk driver who got the 11 years for killing a cyclist. I still don't really want to deal with her and her drama, and I was going to tell her that, but decided against it for now.

Have to shower and get to bed. Am utterly exhausted.


2013/10/23 18:00 Wednesday

Got my truck smogged after work, and then renewed the registration online. Next month is my last payment on the loan, and I'm fairly sure I will have to go to the DMV in person to have the title put in my name.

Yesterday, or maybe the day before, one of my facebook friends shared a post that said, "Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care." I wanted to share that myself, as that fits the situation with Tina, but I don't want to push the point too hard, as I still want the $875 back. I was loyal to her, despite the drama, but she finally pushed me past the point of no return. I apologized over and over for sharing the post about the drunk driver, but she still played the drama queen. Unfortunately, it will be a long time before she will have me paid off, as she is now saying that she will only be able to pay me $25-$50 a month.

Am not going to be able to finish reading the news tonight. Am so tired that I cannot function. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/10/22 18:50 Tuesday

Did 25.89 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.5 mph. Probably should have ridden the trainer. Wasn't very alert.

Have to send an email about cycling club business, and then am going to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2013/10/21 18:40 Monday

The weather was nice today while I was riding. It was about 70 degrees. I prefer hot weather, but at least I was able to ride in a short-sleeve jersey, shorts, and half-finger gloves. I started off with a jacket on, but took it off after only a couple of miles.

I dread winter. I hate cold weather, and really hate snow.


2013/10/21 18:25 Monday

Did 25.91 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.4 mph. Was slowed down by some idiot drivers at times.

Went to the store to get some lettuce, and took the downstairs neighbor. Costco has the spring mix lettuce I have been buying, and it costs less than at the grocery store, but it is more convenient to go to the store if the only thing I am getting is lettuce.


2013/10/21 11:05 Monday

Slept 15 hours last night. Would have slept longer, but Hope kitty woke me up.

Paid the bills this morning. Despite its being a lost cause, it feels good to have that task out of the way.

Went ahead and sent a message to Tina via Facebook and included a spreadsheet of what she owes me. Pointed out that it doesn't include the $5000-plus I spent on her while she was in prison and right after her release. Also pointed out that all the money I spent on her was money I didn't have, and that I am in debt because of it. Thought I would throw a little guilt trip at her. I really don't want to have anything to do with her other than recouping some of my money. As has been noted previously, I am fed up with the drama and with her offending my religious sensibilities.


2013/10/20 16:35 Sunday

Watched a sermon online this morning. I have noticed that the pastor's stories sometimes differ significantly from one telling to the next. I really liked something the worship leader said. He referred to the room as a sanctuary. That is the term I like to use. It is more than just an auditorium.

Rode 20 miles on the trainer this afternoon. The weather would have been fine for riding outdoors, and I didn't want to ride the trainer, but I really wanted to stay holed up in my apartment. I couldn't stand the thought of being in public, even to ride alone.

Tina hasn't sent me any money. If she doesn't do so soon, I am going to ask her to.

Need to pay bills, but am too tired to tackle anything. I don't know how I will survive the three weeks of 12-hour days we will be working during peak season.

Am going to get ready for bed now.


2013/10/19 18:05 Saturday

Wanted to go to bed by 5pm, but got tied up with cycling club business. Skimmed rgj.com quickly, but haven't read any other news sites. Am going to get ready for bed now before I collapse.


2013/10/18 18:55 Friday

Am getting to bed late again. Got a haircut after work. Was hoping to ride after that, but ended up fading into exhaustion. Read the news, took care of some cycling club business, and ate dinner. Now I need to get ready for bed before I become a zombie.


2013/10/17 18:35 Thursday

Will be getting to bed later than I would like. After work, I came home, ate a little, hard-boiled some eggs, and read some news. Then I went to my sister's house to pick up the sandbags for my truck bed that she was storing for me. After that, I went to the store for some spring mix lettuce. Came home, ate a lot of lettuce, and read more news. Now I need to shower and get to bed.


2013/10/16 18:30 Wednesday

I complain about Tina's offending my sensibilities, but then, I go on and on about things that are likely hard on the reader's sensibilities.


2013/10/16 17:30 Wednesday

Am exhausted. Got to bed late last night due to the cycling club meeting. It was about 9:30pm before I got to sleep, and I had to be up at about 3:45am. Will be getting ready for bed right away.

Tina texted me today asking for my mailing address so she can mail me payments, at least for now. I am glad about that. I really don't want to deal with her, but I want to be paid. As a Christian, perhaps I should be more compassionate, but I am tired of the drama and her not being concerned about offending my religious sensibilities regarding her homosexual relationship.

Thought maybe I would be able to ride after work today despite not getting much sleep last night, but I realized while driving home that I was close to being in a zombie state. Thankfully, I made it home without mishap.

The ScoutID I ordered from RoadID arrived yesterday, and I put it on Hope Kitty's collar last night. When I got home today, I found that she had gotten the collar off yet again. I don't know where it is. I might just give up on having her wear a collar.

Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/10/15 15:15 Tuesday

Did 25.92 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 12.9 mph. It was chilly and breezy. The temperature is 58 degrees out, but it feels colder than that to me. I was wearing shorts with no tights. My legs felt okay during the ride, but now that I have stopped, they feel cold even though I am wearing sweat pants. I had layers on my top; I was wearing a thin baselayer tank top, a midweight crew top baselayer with long sleeves, a short-sleeved jersey, and a jacket. I was a little warmer than I wanted on top at first, but toward the end of the ride, I was a little cool.

Am in a better mood now. The "runner's high" has kicked in.


2013/10/15 11:50 Tuesday

Am in a somewhat better mood now. Got a little more clutter picked up. The apartment is still a mess, though. It is a lost cause.


2013/10/15 08:25 Tuesday

Went to bed in a bad mood, woke up in a bad mood.

There is a cycling club meeting this evening. Don't want to go, but will anyway. Want to be less involved in the club, but have been appointed as membership chair. Shouldn't have accepted the position. It will require more work than I want to put into it.

The collar I put on Hope kitty has a break-away buckle. It opens if sufficient force is applied. She has gotten it off four times so far. I'm hoping she will stop taking it off.

Have to go back to work tomorrow. Am dreading that. I have a good job, and I give thanks often for that, but I hate having to work.


2013/10/14 18:50 Monday

Did 25.84 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.7 mph. Almost rode the trainer instead of riding outdoors, as I didn't want to deal with the morons who don't know how to drive. Decided to ride outdoors after all, as winter is coming on and there will be too many times when I won't be able to ride outdoors. Riding the trainer is tedious, even though I listen to sermons to help pass the time.

It seems that Tina is not going to break off contact. It is hypocritical of me, but as noted in an earlier post, I am going to put up with her, the drama, and her lifestyle only until she has paid me back. Then I will tell her in no uncertain terms what the Bible says about her lifestyle and what I think about that. Knowing her, that will be the end of the friendship. I don't care. Even if she doesn't break off contact after that, I will break it off myself. I'm fed up. When it comes to what the Bible says, she has told me in the past that she doesn't believe everything in it. I take it that means she doesn't believe that being in a homosexual relationship is a sin.


2013/10/14 13:30 Monday

Cleaned up some clutter. Called the plan administrator of the AD&D policy I have through my credit union (Tulsa Federal CU). They will be sending me a form to change the beneficiary. Felt a little less irritated, but then I decided to review next year's insurance coverage I have signed up for. Getting the information I was looking for was a pain in the neck. That put me in a foul mood again.


2013/10/14 12:15 Monday

Am in a truly foul mood. The downstairs neighbor asked me this morning to take her to Walmart. I hate dealing with her, and I hate Walmart. Went ahead and took her anyway. Now I need to decompress before riding.


2013/10/13 18:10 Sunday

At this point, I would take the initiative and break off interaction with Tina, but if I did that, I'd probably never see the money she owes me. I'm tired of the drama. There is always some issue with her on-again, off-again girlfriend. Her girlfriend won't let her have a meal with me. Her girlfriend won't let her see me on Sundays. Her girlfriend doesn't want me giving her hand-me-down cycling gear because only her "wife" should give her gifts. Her girlfriend spends the money set aside to make payments to me. And so forth. Also, I'm tired of dealing with Tina being an unrepentant lesbian who is not at all concerned about offending my religious sensibilities.

For that matter, in a sense she is right about how I feel about her crime. She drove drunk and killed someone, and it is good that she had to pay the price for what she did. Her psychiatrist told her that people don't see drunk driving in such a negative light nowadays. I believe her psychiatrist is wrong, or at least that if people don't see it in a negative light, they very well should. My plan is to put up with Tina until she pays me back, assuming she doesn't break off contact in the meantime, and then let her know that I have been praying that she will repent of her homosexuality. If she doesn't like that, too bad. If she does break off contact due to my having "liked" the post about the drunk driver who killed the cyclist, I will ask her to pay me back as soon as possible. If she refuses, who knows, maybe I'll look into taking her to small claims court.

As to drama, any reader of this site would probably be tired of my drama....

Went to Costco a bit ago. Picked up a package of spring mix lettuce and a bottle of balsamic vinegar, among other things. Feasted on the lettuce with balsamic vinegar sprinkled on it. Slowly but surely, I am trying to eat healthier.


2013/10/13 15:00 Sunday

Tina is upset because she thinks I see her as a drunk driver who killed someone because I "liked" the post about the woman who got 11 years for killing a cyclist. The truth is, I can overlook her crime, but I cannot overlook her being a lesbian. I have struggled with my friendship with her because she is so open about her relationship with the woman she calls her "wife." She must know that I see her relationship with her girlfriend as being sinful, based on the content of my letters to her when she was still in prison, yet she continues to be open regarding that relationship. The best thing that could happen would be that she would break off interaction with me but still pay me the $875 she owes me.

Took the club ride sign-up sheet to the starting point this morning, then came home and watched a sermon. After that, I did some much-needed bathroom cleaning. Didn't get the tub scrubbed out; maybe (or maybe not) I will do that tomorrow.

I am still conflicted about the possibility of going to church again. Sometimes I think I should try again to find a church, but the reality is, I don't want to attend a church. For one thing, I am too much of an introvert to fit in at a church. Also, I dislike music, but music is part of church services. Furthermore, I would only want to attend a traditional service in a church that holds to the biblical principle that church leadership is restricted to heterosexual males, and that limits the options. Not to mention, of course, that my reputation precedes me and makes me excluded in at least some churches.

While I ride, I pray on and off. I don't pray the whole time, as it is hard to focus. One thing I give thanks for while riding is that I never married and never had children. Some might see that as an aberration that is contrary to God's Word, but in 1 Corinthians 7:17ff, Paul writes that it is just as good not to be married as to be married.

I still loathe being female. I just haven't written about it for a while. Maybe it is a sin to loathe being what God made me. If so, that is a sin that I hope God forgives me for, as nothing will change the fact that I loathe what I am.


2013/10/12 17:30 Saturday

Did 25.85 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.3 mph. Was surprised that the average wasn't slower. It was windy, and that usually means a slower average. According to Accuweather, the wind was blowing at 18 mph and gusting to 24 mph while I was riding. Probably should have taken a rest day today, as it was the seventh day in a row I have ridden, and I usually take a rest day at least after every six days.

I have been nervous about being clipped into the clipless pedals, as I have been afraid that I wouldn't unclip automatically in case of an emergency stop. I went without riding on the road for several months due to health problems, and thus got out of the habit of unclipping. However, it is becoming automatic again, thankfully. This afternoon, when I was riding into the apartment complex at the end of my ride, someone jumped down off a ledge almost right in front of me. I automatically unclipped and stopped in time to avoid hitting him, and was able to do that even though I was standing on the pedals and was out of the saddle. He was very apologetic, and I assured him there was no problem.

This morning, I took my truck in to the Nissan dealership for an oil change. The last time I had an oil change, they told me that the drive belts needed to be replaced. I hesitated, and they said that it could wait until the next service. I looked at the only belt I could see this morning, and it looked fine, so I decided to wait and see if they told me again that the belts needed to be replaced. This time, they marked the belts in the "green" column, which indicates that they are fine. Looks like they were trying to rip me off and that I need to find somewhere else to have my truck serviced. Their oil changes are relatively cheap, but I'd rather find someplace I can trust.

In addition to getting an oil change, I took the truck to the car wash. It was very much in need of a wash. I also changed the wiper blades. The last set lasted two years or so, but were getting in need of replacement. I had picked up a set at Costco last winter, but the ones I had gotten there the year before were still very good until recently, so I hadn't replaced them. Both sets were Goodyear brand.

Tina sent me a message on Facebook saying she needs to work through things, meaning my "liking" the post and the message I sent her. I sent her a message back saying I see her for who she is and value her for that. Frankly, though, I am to the point at which it wouldn't bother me if she broke off our friendship again. I'm tired of dealing with the drama. Hopefully either way she will still pay me back what she agreed to pay me. The $5000-plus I spent on her while she was in prison and right after her release is a write-off, but there is about $800 more that she has said she would pay me back.

Am going to do some Bible study and then get to bed fairly early. I have committed to taking a sign-up/waiver sheet to the start of the club ride tomorrow morning at about 9:30am. The regular ride leader will be out of town, and no one volunteered to lead the ride.


2013/10/11 18:20 Friday

My total mileage for today was 31.45 miles on the commuter bike. Did 25-plus miles of laps around the park, then rode over to College Cyclery for a derailleur adjustment. My average for the laps was 13.2 mph.

Committed a bad faux pas. Yesterday, I "liked" a post on Facebook about a woman who got 11 years in prison for killing a cyclist while driving drunk. Am tired of reading about drivers who kill cyclists getting off with a slap on the wrist. The usual excuse is, "I didn't see the bicyclist." Well, if a person doesn't pay attention while driving and kills or injures someone, inattentiveness shouldn't be taken as a valid excuse. Anyway, Tina took offense at my liking the post and sent me a message about it. She was in prison for a DUI causing death. I have sent her a message back apologizing, but I don't know if she will accept my apology.

Speaking of drivers not seeing cyclists, I almost got hit again today, this time by someone who I assume didn't see me. She was in a driveway going onto Eastshore, and was looking in my direction, but it seems she was looking past me, because just as I was getting to the driveway, she started pulling out. I swerved and yelled, and she stopped. Virginia Lake is not the safest place to ride. I just like staying close to home in case I get too woozy to finish the miles. Today, I started feeling foggy by the first few miles, but it never got so bad that I needed to stop.

Am still sleeping 12-13 hours per night. It may take a while for the Synthroid to take effect. It is said that dosages shouldn't be increased until after a month, so I need to be patient.


2013/10/10 16:40 Thursday

Did 25.92 miles of laps around the park at an average speed of 13.0 mph. Almost got hit at one point. I was likely going just a little over the speed limit of 15 mph, and some moron with a Utah plate passed me going way over the speed limit. His mirror missed my bars by inches. Also, some moron in a wheelchair/scooter was going back and forth across Lakeside at the corner by Eastshore. I have seen him do that before. At one point while I was stopped waiting for him to cross, I asked him what he was doing going back and forth. He said, "Traffic control." If I thought it would do any good, I would call the police and report him as a public nuisance.

Put a collar on Hope kitty today. I read that all cats should have collars with tags in case they go missing. That includes indoor cats, as they might sneak outdoors. That sounded like a good idea. For the most part, Hope doesn't indicate any interest in going outside, but twice while I have been bringing the bike back inside, she has blocked my way and peered out the door. The collar doesn't have any ID yet, but I ordered a RoadID (actually a ScoutID, as that is what they call their pet IDs) for her today. She put up a fuss when I first put the collar on her, but she seems to have adapted quickly.


2013/10/09 16:25 Wednesday

My sleep was restless last night. Hopefully I will sleep better tonight.

It was nice to have a homemade coffee mocha drink with real milk this morning.

Rode the trainer this morning. It was wet out, and I just didn't want to deal with that. Anyway, I did 20 miles at an average speed of 16.5 mph. Thought about doing a second ride today and putting in some mileage outdoors, but decided against it. Don't want to overdo the exercise and push myself too hard. It is good that I didn't do another ride, as my energy has faded.

Did some Bible study today. Am in Paul's letters. The subjects of Christ's love and Christian love come up at times. It has been serving as a reminder that love is, for the most part, foreign to me. I feel tender-hearted toward Hope kitty, and at times experience stirrings of love for God, but other than that, I hardly know much at all about love.


2013/10/08 19:30 Tuesday

The nurse practitioner prescribed Synthroid. Had the scrip filled at Costco, and they were swamped. I was told the wait time would be two hours, so I left and went back. Am getting to bed late because of that. They usually have a wait time of only twenty minutes.

Rode 25.94 miles of laps. Averaged only 12.9 mph. Had the opportunity to do a good deed. A woman with a motorized wheelchair/scooter didn't have enough battery power to make it up an incline into her apartment complex. I stopped and pushed her chair up the hill. I didn't think to say something like "God be with you." I wish I had, to make it a missionary chance of sorts.

Had better get ready for bed now. Am very tired.


2013/10/07 15:35 Monday

Slept about 13 hours last night. It was tough to get out of bed.

Rode 25.85 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.5 mph. The weather was beautiful. Felt really good for the first several miles, but then brain fog started kicking in and I wasn't all that confident in my riding.

I have decided to ask the nurse practitioner if I can try Synthroid again. I tried it years ago, and for the first two weeks, I felt better, but then went back to being tired again. I am thinking the dose was never high enough. All else being equal, I would prefer Synthroid to Armour Thyroid, because with Armour Thyroid, the patient is not supposed to have products containing calcium within four hours of taking the dose. Something I have looked forward to on my days off is a homemade coffee mocha drink or two in the mornings. I have had to start making them with soy milk that isn't fortified with calcium. They do not taste very good.

There is a cycling club leadership meeting this evening, so I will get to bed later than I would like. I will be able to sleep late in the morning, though.


2013/10/06 18:05 Sunday

Got together with the friend from out of town for a walk around Virginia Lake late in the morning. We walked three times around, which comes to not quite three miles. I just wanted to be alone, but he is leaving Tuesday morning, so I didn't want to cancel.

Had planned to do a ride after getting home, but was too exhausted. It wasn't from walking; walking doesn't count much in the way of exertion for me. I was just tired. Set a timer for one hour and laid down. When that hour was up, I reset it for another hour. Got up after the two hours, but was still exhausted. Really wanted to take advantage of the beautiful autumn day by riding outdoors, but it would have been too risky because I was too tired to ride safely. Ended up doing 20 miles on the trainer. Was so tired that early in the ride I didn't think I would make it to 20 miles, and planned to quit at 15. When I got to 14-plus, though, I decided to go ahead and push myself to do 20. Made it, but was pedaling slowly the whole time. Averaged only 15.1 mph.

The exhaustion has been worse for the last few days. Also, I have been more impatient at times. I wonder if that is related to my having started taking an adrenal supplement a few days ago. Decided to stop taking it and see if matters improve.

When I go to the nurse practitioner on Tuesday, I am going to ask her to increase the dose of Armour Thyroid.

Have to finish getting ready for bed now.


2013/10/06 10:05 Sunday

When I pray while riding, I often give thanks for the ability to ride, in terms of both physical ability and social freedoms. There are countries where I would not be able to ride, being female. Believe it or not, some people hold that it is immoral for women to ride because it involves straddling a saddle. I have even read that some people think that a woman can lose virginity by straddling a saddle. That seems farfetched, though, and I wonder if the reporter had that wrong.

I give thanks for being able to wear cycling gear, too. Surely, there are countries where a woman wearing a cycling kit would be stoned.

I give thanks for being an American and having social freedoms, but note that there are some social freedoms which go too far, such as abortion and gay (so-called) "rights." I give thanks for the blessings God has bestowed on America. I pray that He will heal our land.


2013/10/06 09:50 Sunday

Was really out of it yesterday afternoon and evening due to the exhaustion. Forgot to give Hope kitty fresh water and to top off her food dish. Forgot to wash out the water bottle and coffee travel mug I take to work. Again, I figure I am blessed to have made it home without mishap. It was somewhat dangerous for me to have been on the road.

Slept only about 11 hours last night. Laid in bed in a fog for not quite an hour after awakening, though.

Watched part of a sermon online this morning. Went to the site about halfway through the sermon. It was good to see the pastor preach again instead of just listening to the sermons. It is a blessing to have access to sermons online. Perhaps I should look for a church to go to, but I doubt if I ever will. I need as much time alone as I can get.


2013/10/05 17:45 Saturday

The weather this afternoon was beautiful for this time of year, and I wish I could have done a ride. Have just been too exhausted even to consider it, though. Figure I was blessed to get home from work without mishap. Am just too tired to function. Did finally get the beneficiary changed on my jcp insurance policies, though. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/10/04 18:10 Friday

Just ran an errand, and am so tired that I felt it wasn't safe for me to have been driving. Making matters worse was that the sun was blinding me part of the way. I'm thankful to have arrived back home without mishap. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/10/03 18:40 Thursday

Worked on the club ride leader spreadsheet after work. Haven't updated my insurance beneficiary, nor have I read the news. Am just going to shower and get to bed. Might skim rgj.com between showering and going to bed, but will probably be too tired. Time got away from me.


2013/10/02 18:30 Wednesday

Am so exhausted I am about to collapse. After work, I went by King's Nutrition for adrenal and iodine supplements. Then I went by an ATM for some cash. I don't know what the woman in front of me was doing, but it was taking her forever. It looked as though she was depositing a large number of bills. I didn't know cash deposits could be made at ATMs.

Came home, ate, and starting reading the news. Am too tired to finish the news. Didn't get my insurance beneficiary changed, either. It will have to wait until tomorrow. Did get my iPhone updated.

Have to get ready for bed ASAP.


2013/10/01 19:55 Tuesday

I owe a serious apology to any reader who has suffered at my hands due to the pained nature of my posts.


2013/10/01 18:45 Tuesday

Another non-stop day...

Started the day off with a ride. Did 25.88 miles of laps at an average speed of 13.2 mph. Then enrolled in the insurance plan offered by my employer. Tomorrow, am going to change the beneficiary of my insurance policies back from my sisters to the pastor of the church I am exiled from. Shipped a box of food containers to some former neighbors who, when they moved, gave the contents of their refrigerator and freezer to my downstairs neighbor and me. After that, I walked around Virginia Lake with the friend from out of town. Then came laundry time. Now I need to shower.


2013/09/30 18:50 Monday

Have had a very busy day. Rode in the morning. Did 25.83 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.4 mph. Not quite twenty-six miles on that bike takes me a little less than two hours. After riding, I ran errands. Went to Eclipse Running for Cytomax sport drink mix and Honey Stinger energy gels. Went to King's Nutrition, but found out they are closed on Sundays and Mondays. Went to College Cyclery for tire levers. Then went to Costco. After running those errands, I had a dental cleaning appointment. Then I went to SaveMart for a few things. Came home and took refuge from the world. Read the news, then listened to a sermon.

Received good news while I was at Eclipse. My sister's ex-husband will be coming home from Stanford Medical Center within a week or so. His bone marrow transplant was successful, and he has been recovering from the leukemia. I have been praying for him, for salvation as well as for healing.

Hope kitty has been needing a lot of attention the last few days. She is a good kitty, and I am thankful for that.

Scheduled a follow-up appointment with the nurse practitioner for October 8th. Want to give myself some more time to read up on thyroid dosage issues so I will be prepared.

Don't know what to think of the sermon I listened to today. It was motivational, but on the other hand, human interaction is very hard for me at best.


2013/09/29 16:55 Sunday

Am tired, but overall am doing better than I have been. Got up early to take the sign-in sheet to the starting point of the club ride, then came home and did my own ride. Did 25.8 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged only 13.2 mph, but that is better than yesterday's average of 12.9 mph. As usual, I was light-headed for most of the ride.

After the ride, I drank some milk with protein powder, then made some hot chocolate from milk and chocolate syrup. Was just getting ready to shower when my friend from out of town showed up, an hour earlier than we had planned. We walked around the park a couple of times.

Have been taking a fish oil supplement for omega-3. That may be why I have been feeling somewhat better. I read on an egg carton, of all places, that an omega-3 deficiency can cause extreme fatigue. I do think I have a thyroid problem, though, as I still have a lot of hypothyroid symptoms. I have been skimming a book that someone recommended about thyroid issues, and from what I have read, the dose I am on is probably too low to have any real effect. The book also recommended chewing the tablets if taking the brand I take. Something else it discusses is adrenal problems that may result from long-term hypothyroidism. I plan to pick up an adrenal supplement tomorrow. I took one for a while, but that was before I started on the thyroid medication. Maybe the two in conjunction would help.

Have been less depressed of late. I still think about suicide at times, but not constantly.


2013/09/28 19:50 Saturday

Made it through another work week. Now I have three days off. Unfortunately, I have things that must be done that will be inconvenient. I committed to taking a sign-up sheet to the Sunday Verdi ride meeting place in the morning, as the regular ride leader is out of town. Will be going for a walk with the friend from out of town tomorrow afternoon. Then, on Monday, I have a dental cleaning. On Tuesday, I will need to go to Costco. Sometime over the weekend, I need to wash towels. I really just want to ride and to hide out in the apartment when I'm not riding.

Did 20.54 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike after work today. The sun was just about to set as I was finishing.

Am feeling better than usual. Am fading, though, so I had better get ready for bed now.


2013/09/27 19:05 Friday

Am not as tired this evening as I have been. Am going to go to bed soon, though.

Left work an hour early. It was slow. There is work I need to get done, but I wasn't feeling up to tackling the project. Will work on it tomorrow. Saturdays are slow for IT.

One reason I left early was that I wanted to ride before I got too tired to do so. Did 15.57 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike.


2013/09/26 18:35 Thursday

Am exhausted, and still have to shower.

Went to Costco after work, and then to the Nevada Humane Society, where I dropped off a couple of bags of cat food.

The downstairs neighbor is driving me batty. She keeps calling me for no good reason. I'm going to stop answering the phone most of the time when she calls and not return her calls.


2013/09/25 18:45 Wednesday

Another day of work down. Just going through the motions.

As I was driving home, I had a time of profound thankfulness for what I have. God has blessed me and helped me to rebuild my life. I am thankful to have a good job, but I still struggle with certain things I have to deal with.


2013/09/24 18:15 Tuesday

Am exhausted, but can't sleep. Have been laying in bed in a fog for an hour. Am overwhelmed by a death wish.


2013/09/24 16:15 Tuesday

No sign of the friend. He hasn't shown up, nor has he emailed. I wish I had known he wouldn't be here, as there is an errand I would have liked to have run. I guess he got tied up and hasn't been able to get Internet access.

I'm exhausted and would like to get ready for bed now. Will give him until 4:30pm, then will email him letting him know that I need to get to bed early.


2013/09/24 15:00 Tuesday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.6 mph. Had started to ride outdoors, but the wind gusts were too strong. I looked at the accuweather app while I was on the trainer, and the wind speed was 25 mph and the gusts were blowing at 36 mph. When I started to ride outdoors, the app said the wind and gusts were both at 6 mph. That was obviously inaccurate, but the speeds were updated while I was on the trainer.

My friend from out of town is supposed to come by at about 3:30pm today. I would rather spend the time by myself. I am very burned out on human interaction. Maybe I'll get lucky and he won't be able to make it. There was some question as to whether or not he would.

Have to go back to work tomorrow. Am very burned out on work. Let's face it; I'm very burned out on every aspect of life.


2013/09/23 18:45 Monday

Almost got hit head-on on my ride today while in the left turn lane that goes from Lymberry to Lakeside. Some moron going from Lakeside to Lymberry made his turn in the lane I was legally in. I didn't get out of his way. Just stared at him, and he ended up swerving to miss me. He looked very startled when he finally saw me.

Tina and I talked about how neither of us sees any point to life.


2013/09/23 18:00 Monday

Slept 15 hours last night. Am so exhausted even after sleeping so long that I can't even think straight.

Walked around Virginia Lake with Tina. It was good to see her, but again, I am tired of the drama. I told her that, and she said she was too. I doubt if she will ever break up with her girlfriend, though. She has broken up with her several times before, but has always gotten back together with her. Tina had set aside some money to give me part of what she owes me, but her girlfriend spent it. She ended up giving me $50 this evening, and will give me $50 out of her next paycheck. One more time: I'm tired of the drama. I probably won't break off ties, even so.

Did 25.88 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.7 mph. On the last two laps, someone took pictures of me as I rode by.

Am off to get ready for bed now. Am tired of sleeping so much, but don't have a choice. I get too tired to function.


2013/09/23 16:05 Monday

Am exceedingly burned out on human interaction. Just want to be left alone. Wish I were independently wealthy and could be a hermit.

Regarding Tina, I am fed up with the drama. The latest is that her girlfriend doesn't want her to eat with me. Tina and I were going to have dinner tonight, but now we are just going to go for a walk. Not including the over $5000 I spent on her over the years, which she won't be paying me back, she owes me about $800 that she is supposedly going to pay me back. As soon as she has done so, or maybe even before that, I am going to tell her that I am fed up with the drama, and will very likely break off ties.


2013/09/22 16:40 Sunday

Had coffee with my friend this morning, then came home and went back to bed. When I finally dragged myself out of bed again, I was too tired to ride outdoors. Went ahead and forced myself to ride the trainer. Did 20 miles and averaged only 16.2 mph. Yesterday's average for the 20 miles on the trainer was 16.7, which isn't all that great either.

Am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/09/21 17:50 Saturday

Am going back to bed. Should shower, but am too tired. Will be having coffee with a friend from out of town tomorrow morning at 9am. Will try to get up early enough to shower before then. Don't know if I will be able to drag myself out of bed in time.


2013/09/21 16:30 Saturday

Went back to bed for over four hours, and was asleep most of that time. Just don't want to go on like this. There is no point in being alive.


2013/09/21 11:55 Saturday

Have had a rotten day so far.

Updated my iPhone to iOS 7, and I hate the interface, especially the calendar.

That was the first thing that went wrong. The second was that I got ready to do a ride outdoors, but when I got outside, it seemed very windy, so instead, I rode the trainer. As I was looking at the trees outside the window while riding, I realized that the wind was intermittent and probably wasn't that bad. I would rather have ridden outdoors.

I was listening to sermons as I rode, and the pastor spent more time telling stories than preaching. Also, he told two stories in one sermon that he had told before. I am thankful to be able to listen to sermons on my iPhone, but I really dislike having to listen to stories. Perhaps my heart is just too hard.

Then, not long after I finished the ride, my downstairs neighbor called to check in. She still hasn't gotten the point that I need as much time alone as I can get, despite my having told her that repeatedly. She went on and on in a monologue. I read the news while she was talking. I would think that if someone doesn't respond at all to what someone else is saying, the talker would get the point that the listener isn't interested. Not my neighbor.

Slept only about 12 hours last night. Have been up for about 5 1/2 hours, and am exhausted. Am going to go lay down for a while.


2013/09/20 17:00 Friday

I keep hoping that I'll be able to ride after work, but am always too tired by the time I get home. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/09/19 18:00 Thursday

Am exhausted. Still have to shower. Looked some more at the insurance options for next year. Whichever way I go, it won't be affordable. My medical costs haven't been affordable for a long time, though.


2013/09/18 18:00 Wednesday

Only had five hours of sleep last night. Am utterly exhausted. Didn't feel too bad for most of the day, but have been fading fast over the last couple of hours. Was going to go to bed a while ago, but instead, I started looking at insurance coverage for next year. It doesn't look good. There are three plans offered through my employer, and under two of them, I would have to pay $1400 per year for my bipolar meds. Under the other one, it would be about $300. I haven't gotten to the part that tells how much each plan costs, but I assume the one that has the better drug coverage would be a lot more expensive. So much for the Affordable Care Act.

Have to get ready for bed now. Am about to collapse.


2013/09/17 16:55 Tuesday

Have a cycling club meeting this evening. Had to shower after work, so I have been pressed for time. Was hoping to be able to leave work early, but I was swamped and barely got everything done that had to be done as it was.


2013/09/16 17:10 Monday

Listened to a sermon. Sermons are a blessing to me.

Time flies. I was scrolling back through a sermon podcast listing, and saw a sermon from June 26, 2011 that had a length of zero minutes. Had thought that it was only some months ago, not some years ago, that the sermon was posted with an error.

Am very tired. At least I don't have to shower, since I did that this morning. Need to get into bed as soon as possible.


2013/09/16 14:30 Monday

The downstairs neighbor just doesn't get it. She is still calling me about trivial things. *groan*


2013/09/16 13:00 Monday

It has been a good day so far. I woke up at about 5:30am, which meant I slept only about 9 1/2 hours. I drank a cup of coffee and ate some cereal, read the news, showered, packaged up a bicycle helmet I am returning, took the helmet to be shipped, ordered a couple of things online, spoke briefly on the phone to the downstairs neighbor, and then did a ride.

Did 25.82 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.7 mph. Am still staying close to home due to health issues. I typically get in a fog after a while on rides, which worries me some.

Prayed some during the ride, but as usual, my mind was wandering.

Have to work tomorrow. This week, I am working Tuesday - Friday instead of my normal Wednesday - Saturday.


2013/09/15 19:40 Sunday

Psalm 51:15-17 (NASB95):

15O Lord, open my lips,
That my mouth may declare Your praise.
16For You do not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it;
You are not pleased with burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
A broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.


2013/09/15 19:00 Sunday

Slowly but surely, I am learning to draw closer to God. It is difficult not to be distracted from my relationship with Him, though. I prayed some on the ride today, although my mind wandered a lot. After the ride, I listened to sermons for a few hours. Am all caught up on sermons, except the one from 9/5 doesn't play. On iTunes, it shows up as being one second long, and when it is clicked on, it just flashes a photo of two women who look like they are homeless, although there is a snowboard in the background. That photo also shows up on the header of the iTunes sermon podcast page.

It is helpful to listen to sermons, although I still don't like listening to stories. Parts of the sermons are inspiring.


2013/09/15 14:45 Sunday

Did laps around the park on the commuter bike again. The mileage was 25.88 miles, and the average speed was 13.1 mph. That isn't fast, but I was surprised that the average wasn't slower, as it was really windy. My mood is somewhat better, as the "runner's high" has kicked in. That has taken the edge off my bad mood. The runner's high is much better than drinking alcohol. I still don't drink. Haven't had any alcohol since October of 2004.

Picked up a NiteRider Lumina 700 headlight the other day. It has a daylight flash mode. Tested it out on today's ride. It works really well. I could see the flashes reflecting off of traffic signs. Did have one driver pull out of a parking lot in front of me, but when I was making left turns off of Lymberry onto Lakeside, drivers gave me more room than they have been. Typically, drivers veering left off of Lakeside onto Lymberry cut the corner into the left-turn lane that goes from Lymberry to Lakeside. Today, when I was making my turn, the drivers going onto Lymberry stayed in the main travel lane. I am thinking they didn't come as close to me as usual because I was more noticeable with the headlight.

Got cussed out by one driver. When he passed me from behind, he was too close. I yelled, "Too close." He then proceeded to use the f-word at me. I yelled back, "The law says three feet." He used the f-word again. His car had smoking exhaust, and I wish I had gotten the license plate so I could have reported it by calling 686-smog. Since it surely wouldn't pass a smog test, I am wondering if it is registered. Could have had one more jerk off the road, at least for a time.


2013/09/15 11:15 Sunday

Dealing with the downstairs neighbor puts me in a very bad mood, and it is exceedingly difficult to shake that off. Am getting ready for a ride. Maybe riding will help my mood.


2013/09/15 10:15 Sunday

Downstairs neighbor just called again. She means well, but she drives me batty.


2013/09/15 10:05 Sunday

This morning, the downstairs neighbor invited me to dinner. Told her yet again that I need as much time alone as I can get. We'll see if that sinks in. I doubt if it will, because she kept talking about trivial things on the phone even after I told her that.


2013/09/14 20:20 Saturday

Am in a very bad mood. Need time alone, especially away from my downstairs neighbor. Need time on a bike, too.

Was planning on doing a ride after work, but when I got home, I ended up talking to a neighbor couple who were in the process of moving out of their apartment. They are moving to Portland. The male half needs a couple of canes to walk, but is able to ride a Catrike three-wheeled recumbent. We have talked quite a bit over the last year or so, and he went on one of the club beginner rides that Amy and I led. This evening, he asked me for help with his trike, as he had a flat tire but had already packed his patch kit and pump. We patched it and pumped it up. I don't know why he didn't just wait until they got to Portland and got unpacked, as he probably won't want to go on a ride without a patch kit, but I didn't mind helping. Then, after that, the female half told me that they had a lot of food in the freezer and refrigerator that they were going to throw out, so I got my downstairs neighbor and we split the food.

Finally got settled in for the evening in my apartment. Read and ate the news. Am getting to bed late. At least I can sleep in tomorrow.


2013/09/13 18:20 Friday

Not enough hours in the day. Have been home for two hours and 20 minutes, and am already heading for bed.

This week has been really busy at work. Have been going nonstop. Tomorrow will likely be slower. Will try to catch up on some tasks.


2013/09/12 18:50 Thursday

Have really been struggling today. Have been in a fog of exhaustion all day. On top of that, it was non-stop at work. Need to get to bed.


2013/09/11 18:30 Wednesday

Having to go to work is depressing. Being too tired to ride after work is depressing. Sleeping so much and not having time to do much of anything other than working and sleeping is depressing.

Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/09/10 19:00 Tuesday

Have to go back to work tomorrow. Wish I were independently wealthy so I wouldn't have to work. Will be working until the day I die. Won't ever have enough money to retire.

Did 25.96 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. There wasn't any construction going on today. Averaged only 13.2 mph. Started out at a good pace, but was feeling out of it again today after about an hour. Downed a GU energy gel, and that helped a little, but not much and not for long. Had eaten not long before the ride, so I have my doubts that the problem was a lack of calories. Next time I ride, I will take my usual sport drink, which is Cytomax. Have been taking nuun, a different sport drink, lately because I have some I want to use up. I don't know if that will help.

Slept only (only?!) 12 hours last night.

Will probably take a week of vacation in early or mid October. Have vacation time scheduled for Christmas week. Need to use up another week's worth or so before the end of the year.

Should go to bed soon. Have to be at work at 5am, as usual.


2013/09/09 17:05 Monday

Only one more day off of work, and still haven't got any housekeeping done to speak of. Was hoping to do some while I had five days off in a row. There just isn't time to do everything that needs to be done because I sleep so much and also because I am determined to ride as much as possible. Did get laundry done today and took out the trash, but just haven't gotten any other chores done.

Went to bed at 5:30 yesterday evening because I was too tired to do anything, but just laid there in a fog for hours. Then, after I finally fell asleep, my sleep was restless. Got up at 11:30pm and tried to do some Bible study, but was too tired to concentrate. Was reading in Galatians, and even at best, I have trouble understanding Paul. Went back to bed after 30 minutes or so. Fell asleep soon, but was still restless. Got out of bed in the morning at about 9am.

Started to do laps around the park on my commuter bike, but there was construction on Lakeside, and I only did a couple of laps before I decided to bail. Didn't want to have to stop for the traffic control every time around. Came home, got a lock, and rode to the bank to replenish my supply of quarters for laundry. Wasn't feeling all that great, so I didn't want to take out my road bike and get far from home. Instead, I did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.8 mph. Felt better on the trainer than I am feeling now. Also, it was good to listen to sermons.

My sister who lives just outside of Austin, Texas posted on Facebook that she came across a coyote when she was walking her dog on the greenbelt behind her house. Thankfully, the coyote left without incident. That reminds me of one morning a couple of years ago when I was commuting to work on my bicycle. I was on Virginia near the UNR med school, and there was a coyote right in my path. It just stood there looking at me until I got quite close. I yelled "shoo" at it, and it ended up leaving. Made me nervous. When I was commuting by bike, I was also nervous sometimes about riding on Virginia between McCarran and the place where North Virginia turns off to the left before the freeway on-ramp. Had seen a coyote there once in broad daylight, and thought about the possibility that I might end up as a coyote meal one morning or afternoon.

Might try taking my road bike out tomorrow, depending on how I feel. The construction on Lakeside probably won't be done. Maybe I'll ride to Verdi.

Was tired by 3:30pm today, and thought I would go to bed early, but wanted to get the laundry out of the way. Now it is about 7pm, and I am tired, but don't feel as though I would be able to sleep if I went to bed now. Will try to do some Bible study for a while.


2013/09/08 16:20 Sunday

After being up for a little longer than 2 1/2 hours, went back to bed. Dragged myself out of bed after a little more than an hour, as I wanted to do a ride. Debated about whether to ride outdoors or on the trainer. Was concerned that I was in too much of a fog to ride outdoors safely, but decided to ride outdoors after all.

Did 25.87 miles of laps around the park on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.6 mph. After about an hour, I bonked. Felt really out of it. Didn't want to quit, though. Thought maybe getting some calories into my system might help, so I downed a GU energy gel. That did help some. At least I was able to finish my goal of ~=25 miles.


2013/09/08 09:00 Sunday

Was in bed for 16 hours and am still exhausted. Sometimes it seems as though the Armour Thyroid medication is helping, but at other times, it seems as though my health is as bad as ever.

The ride yesterday was 31.66 miles. My average speed was only 12.7 mph. One reason the average was so slow even though I was on my road bike is that we were on a multi-use path.


2013/09/07 16:00 Saturday

Had a really bad ride. Was absolutely exhausted. Was concerned that I wouldn't be able to drive home safely. Made it home somehow.

Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/09/06 18:50 Friday

Drove my downstairs neighbor to Costco today. She drones on and on in monologues. I tune her out most of the time. She drives me batty.

Did 25.94 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.4 mph.

Looks like the club ride on the West Shore tomorrow is a go.

Should go to bed soon so that it won't be quite as hard to drag myself out of bed in the morning, but I don't feel as though I would be able to sleep right away. Guess I'll go to bed anyway and see if I can fall asleep.


2013/09/05 20:00 Thursday

I have the next five days off from work. I am thankful for that.

Wanted to ride today, but didn't think it would be safe to ride on the road due to fatigue and resulting concentration problems. Rode the trainer. Did 20 miles. Average speed was just 16.2 mph. An added benefit of riding the trainer is that I was able to listen to sermons.

Had better get ready for bed. Am fading fast.


2013/09/04 19:05 Wednesday

Crazy day at work today. I was the only tech there. It was just the IT manager and me.

One more day of work, and then I have five days off.

Am hoping the West Shore of Tahoe club ride scheduled for Saturday won't be cancelled due to smoke.

Am in a fog of exhaustion. Need to get to bed.


2013/09/03 17:25 Tuesday

Really wanted to ride today, and thought I might be able to, but by the time I got home, I was fading. Now, less than an hour and a half later, I am absolutely exhausted. Still have to shower before bed. Hopefully I will be able to stay vertical...

Dreamt last night that I was back at the church from which I have been exiled. The closer I draw to God, the more frequently I have such dreams. I recall the pastor having said, "The closer two people are to God, the closer they are to each other." Maybe my dreams of the church are due to a similar phenomenon.

The "skip level chat" today with my boss's boss went well.


2013/09/02 14:05 Monday

Had a decent ride today. Wasn't paying attention sometimes, though. At one point, there was a family waiting to cross the road, and I didn't stop for them because I didn't see them. That was not good. I was startled to see them as I passed, and I apologized. The father said it was okay. It wasn't, though, in my opinion.

Did 25.87 miles of laps around the park on the commuter bike at an average speed of 13.4 mph. It was really windy. The air was smoky when I first started, but the wind cleared the air some. I prayed some during the ride, but was having trouble concentrating.

I was having a problem with one of my contact lenses this morning. It was irritating my eye most of the time. Also, while I was riding, at times it felt as though it was swollen and might come off. When I would rub my eye, it would be better for a while, but then the problem would start again. When I got home, I decided to take the lenses out and wear glasses. Lo and behold, I discovered that I had the right lens inside out. I put it back on how it should be, and that solved the problem.

Have a cycling club leadership meeting this evening.

Have to prepare for the meeting with my boss's boss sometime today.

Now, though, I am going to do some Bible study.


2013/09/01 19:35 Sunday

Have felt closer to God today than I have in a long time. I have felt blessed by that.

Had a good ride. Prayed quite a bit during it. Did 25.84 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike. Averaged 14.0 mph, which is an improvement. Am finally getting more comfortable again with the clipless pedals, which is also an improvement.

Had lunch with Tina at Szechuan Garden. It was good to spend some time with her.

My boss's boss, who is based in Lenexa, has scheduled a "skip level chat" call with me for Tuesday. He sent a calendar request via email, but didn't give any indication of why he wants to talk with me. I'm thinking he wants feedback on how things are going here in Reno. I am usually off work on Tuesdays, but my boss approved my working Tuesday through Thursday this week instead of rescheduling the call. I will be taking Saturday off as compensation for the holiday I will have missed because I am off on Mondays, and will also be off on Friday due to the shift in schedule. That will give me five days off in a row after working just three days next week. That will be nice.

There is a club ride next Saturday that I have RSVP'd for. It is a 32-mile ride at the West Shore of Tahoe. It is mostly on the bike path. We will stop at the Tahoma Market for sandwiches and then go to Sugar Pine Point State Park for lunch. I hope the ride doesn't get cancelled due to smoke.

Am getting tired. Had better get to bed.


2013/08/31 20:40 Saturday

Was determined to ride today, but stayed indoors on the trainer. Had the gear on and the door open, with my commuter bike in the entryway, but decided retreat was the better part of valor. Figured it wouldn't be safe to ride outdoors, as the fatigue was such that I wouldn't be alert and might not remember to unclip from the pedals in the case of emergency. Another deciding factor was that on the trainer, I can listen to sermons.

Too bad Tim Tebow was cut by the Patriots.

Had been thinking about doing the club ride tomorrow, but it starts at 9am, and I want to sleep in. Am getting to bed late. Speaking of which, I am off to get ready for bed.


2013/08/30 18:15 Friday

Really wanted to ride today, but was too tired by the time I got home. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/08/29 19:50 Thursday

Did 15.09 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on my commuter bike. Averaged 12.9 mph. It was very windy. The smoke wasn't too bad, compared to how bad it has been.

Have to shower and get to bed. Will be getting to bed very late.


2013/08/28 19:50 Wednesday

Almost forgot to post. Am exhausted. Went to Costco after work. Didn't finish reading the news online. Am just too tired. Am getting to bed late.


2013/08/27 14:25 Tuesday

Downstairs neighbor is driving me batty.

Despite the smoke, I did a ride today. It seemed to get more and more smoky as the day wore on. Did 25.84 miles of laps around Virginia Lake at an average speed of 13.1 mph. My lungs felt okay during the ride, but they are feeling somewhat irritated now.

Don't want to go back to work tomorrow. I really hate having to work. I wonder what it would be like to enjoy work. I wonder what it would be like to enjoy life.


2013/08/27 08:25 Tuesday

Read about the couple who had been married for 65 years and then died hours apart. Family members said they were devoted to each other. I can't imagine being in love. Can't imagine living with another person. I need as much time alone as I can get.


2013/08/26 19:00 Monday

Only one more day before I have to go back to work. Spent more time of my vacation in bed than out. I don't want to go back to work.

Did 25.88 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike today. Averaged 13.0 mph. I was expecting the smoke to bother my lungs, but only my eyes were bothered. They burned for the whole ride. It was windy, too. The gusts weren't as bad as yesterday, though.

When I drove down to Genoa and back for the club ride/picnic on Saturday, I took Old 395 through Washoe Valley. I don't trust the Galena bridge. I have a fear of heights, and although they say you can't see over the edge from a vehicle, I wasn't taking any chances. I'll always take the extra eight minutes it takes to drive the old way and play it safe.


2013/08/25 18:05 Sunday

Am very exhausted.

Started to do a ride outdoors, but the wind gusts were too strong. Decided to ride the trainer instead. Did 20 miles. Averaged only 16.2 mph.

Finally got something working on my home network that I had been putting off working on. I have an internal network that my Linux and Windows 7 boxes are on. The Windows 7 box gets its IP address from a DHCP service on my Linux box, and also, the Linux box serves as a router for the Windows 7 box. Ever since I upgraded the Linux box to Fedora 19, the configuration wasn't working, as the way of doing the setup I had was different in 19. Finally got motivated to figure it out today.


2013/08/24 17:40 Saturday

We rode after all, even though it was very smoky.


2013/08/23 16:25 Friday

Didn't do much today. It was a lazy day.

The cycling club's annual summer picnic and ride in Genoa is tomorrow. We will see what the smoke is like there in the morning, but I am expecting that we will not do the ride. I am scheduled to be one of the ride leaders on the 31-mile ride, but I don't really want to ride if the air quality is bad. My lungs start burning every time I go outside, even if for only a few minutes.


2013/08/22 17:00 Thursday

Didn't get a ride in today. Had wanted to do a very short ride, maybe ten miles, but didn't have time. All I had time to do was laundry and bill paying. When one has to sleep as much as I do, there isn't time for much during the day.


2013/08/22 13:35 Thursday

This morning, my downstairs neighbor invited me over for dinner. I declined, and told her yet again that I need time alone. That just doesn't sink in to her mind. She has called me twice since then, and she just goes on and on in a monologue.


2013/08/21 16:30 Wednesday

Somehow I got it in my notes that today is the birthday of my former pastor, but I don't think that is correct. Happy birthday to him anyway, whenever his birthday may be.


2013/08/21 15:55 Wednesday

Have been exhausted all day again today. Didn't sleep well last night, but was in bed for about 14 hours. Went ahead and rode, but did only 20.5 miles. My legs were feeling tired on the hills by about 15 miles, and I don't want to push myself too hard before the club picnic and ride on Saturday. I want my legs to be fresh. I have increased my mileage considerably this week. Will take it easy tomorrow and Friday. Got caught in some rain while riding.

Will be up later than I would like this evening, as I will be attending a party for those of us who volunteered to help out at the Ride with the Pros. It doesn't start until 7pm.


2013/08/20 17:45 Tuesday

Felt better today. Slept only about twelve hours, and didn't go back to bed at all today. Was starting to get tired in the early afternoon, but went ahead and did a ride. As usual, I wanted to stay close to home in case I needed to quit before reaching my mileage goal, so I did laps around Virginia Lake. Rode the commuter bike. Rode 25.85 miles at an average of 13.0 mph. Would have had a faster average speed, but there was road work going on that slowed me down at times. I am thankful that I have felt better today.

Am really behind on listening to sermons. Will try to find the time to listen to some this week.


2013/08/19 17:20 Monday

Did 25.87 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike at an average speed of 12.9 mph. My goal was 20 miles, but at 5 miles or so, I thought I would be lucky to do 15. Just kept going, though. Was sort of in a fog the entire time.


2013/08/19 13:20 Monday

In the last 18 hours, I have been out of bed only 1 1/2 hours. Am eating lunch now, and am going to try to ride in about an hour.


2013/08/18 17:35 Sunday

Went ahead and did a ride. Did 25.82 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.0 mph. Had planned to do a road bike ride to the Galena Market today, but when the time came, I wanted to stay close to home in case I had to quit early due to exhaustion. My goal was 25 miles, but as tired as I was, I would have been satisfied with 20.

Will be going to bed fairly early this evening, by 6:30 or 7pm.


2013/08/18 13:35 Sunday

Have been in bed most of the day. Wasn't able to drag myself out of bed for the club ride. Slept about 10 1/2 hours before the alarm clocks started going off, then hit snooze for over an hour while I drifted in and out of sleep. After that, I laid in bed in a fog for over an hour. Got up and read the news for about 2 1/2 hours, then went back to bed for over three hours. Was in a fog for about an hour, then slept for about two hours. All told, out of the last 19 hours, I have been out of bed for about three hours. Am still going to try to do a ride. Don't know if I will be able to muster up the energy, though.


2013/08/17 17:15 Saturday

Am utterly exhausted. Didn't finish reading the news this evening either. Am going to get ready for bed now. Might get up and do the club ride tomorrow, but am so tired I probably won't be able to drag myself out of bed in time. It starts at 8am.


2013/08/16 18:50 Friday

One more day of work and then I will be off work until the 28th. Am looking forward to being away from the job.

Woke up this morning with a pain in my shoulder, and it has been stiff and sore all day. It made for a challenge while showering this evening.

Am going to hit the sack now. Didn't even finish reading the news. Am too tired.


2013/08/15 17:45 Thursday

My legs felt weak again this morning, but I was able to do the ride without any problem. I went slow, but could have gone faster. I was riding sweep, more or less.

Am too tired to write anything else. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/08/14 16:05 Wednesday

Am absolutely exhausted. Left work two hours early so I would be able to get to bed that much earlier. Am not even going to finish reading the news. Am just going to shower and go to bed.

Went to bed at 5pm yesterday, but laid there in a fog for a couple of hours before drifting off to sleep. Am hoping I will be able to sleep well this evening so that I will feel halfway decent on the ride tomorrow.

My legs felt weak this morning. I hope I am able to survive the ride tomorrow.


2013/08/13 15:15 Tuesday

Woke up to some excitement this morning. I kept hearing someone knocking on the door of the apartment next door, starting at about 7am, and I finally got out of bed to see what was going on. When I opened my door, there were two firemen standing there. They told me there was a smoldering fire on the balcony of my next-door neighbor. Apparently the moron had flicked a cigarette out her sliding glass door and it set the wooden balcony on fire. Thankfully it was only smoldering instead of flaming. If it had gone further than the balcony, it might have caused a worse fire. The common area of the grounds has a lot of pine needles and bark that could have gone up in flames. As it was, the firemen had to use a chainsaw to cut up the balcony to get to the wood that was smoldering, as the cigarette had gone between cracks in the wood.

Because of the commotion, I had only about 11 hours of sleep, and I am absolutely exhausted. Am planning on being in bed by 5pm. However, there has been a motor running outside my apartment for hours that has been irritating me to no end, and it may well still be running past 5pm. It is being used by the landscaping crew.

I loathe life.


2013/08/12 15:55 Monday

Slept just a bit over 12 hours last night. That is better than the 14+ hours I have been sleeping, but not all that much.

Took my road bike out and did part of the proposed route for the ride with the pros. I wasn't pushing myself, but I wasn't anywhere near a 15 mph pace. I guess I'll ride sweep, which means bringing up the rear and making sure that everyone gets back from the ride okay. My mileage for today was 18.59 miles, and my average was only 12.1 mph.

Am doing laundry. It had really piled up. Got a later start on it than I wanted. Also got a later start on the ride than I wanted. My downstairs neighbor came up just as I was getting my riding gear on, and asked if she could use my phone. She is in the middle of a snafu with AT&T. They were supposed to be out this morning to work on her phone service, but they didn't show. However, they did cut off her phone even though they weren't supposed to. She was on the phone with them for about an hour. I didn't really need to stay until she was done dealing with them, but I did anyway.


2013/08/11 18:30 Sunday

Did 25.82 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike again today. Was light-headed again. Was so tired that I really didn't feel up to riding, but I'm glad I did anyway. Yesterday I averaged 12.8 mph, and today's average was 13.1 mph.

On Thursday, three pro cyclists will be in Reno doing a ride with mere mortals. One of them is my favorite rider, Jens Voigt. Another, Andy Schleck, is the 2010 Tour de France winner. The third is Andy's brother, Frank Schleck. We will be riding at about a 15 mph pace from downtown to the Galena Market and back. The pros will leave us at the Galena Market and head to Incline Village at their regular training pace. Our 15 mph pace will be like crawling to them.


2013/08/11 10:45 Sunday

Slept not quite 14 hours last night. Would have slept longer, but a loud noise outside woke me up from a dream, and I couldn't get back to sleep.

Am going to do a ride today, but have to shower first. Was too tired after all to shower last night.


2013/08/10 18:00 Saturday

Did 25.82 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike. Wanted to stay close to home, as I have been light-headed today. My goal before the ride was 25 miles, but by ten miles, I didn't think I would reach that goal. I was getting more and more light-headed. Went ahead and held on to meet the goal, though.

Am tired enough to go to bed now, even though I woke up only about 7 1/2 hours ago. Am going to shower before bed, though. Am going to try to get up in time for the club ride tomorrow morning, even though it starts at 8am, which is early for me on a weekend.


2013/08/10 11:40 Saturday

Slept more than 14 1/2 hours last night. Maybe the Armour Thyroid isn't going to solve my health problems. On the other hand, I don't think I would have been able to survive ten-hour days at work and still take the time to read the news before I started taking it.


2013/08/09 18:50 Friday

Am very exhausted, in part due to extreme aggravation. I had planned to do a 15-mile ride after work, but this afternoon, my downstairs neighbor asked me to take her to the store so she could get supplies for strawberry shortcake. Her sister's birthday is tomorrow, and the neighbor will be having the sister over. The sister is in a group home because she has muscular dystrophy. It might be her last birthday. I couldn't very well say no, but I really, really, really, didn't want to take the neighbor to the store.


2013/08/08 17:40 Thursday

Am exhausted again tonight. Ten-hour workdays are hard on me. At least I don't have to shower tonight. Am off to bed.


2013/08/07 18:20 Wednesday

Am utterly exhausted, and I still have to shower. Had better do that right now before I collapse.


2013/08/06 18:35 Tuesday

It was a non-stop day at work today. I am exhausted. Went to Costco after work for a few items. Ate dinner and read the news, and now I am going to get ready for bed before I collapse. Didn't get enough sleep last night due to the cycling club leadership meeting.


2013/08/05 14:35 Monday

Forgot to go to Starbucks yesterday to get a triple espresso for this morning. I typically drink triple espressos in the morning before rides so that I can get quite a bit of caffeine without loading up my system with a lot of fluid. I drink a lot of Cytomax (an electrolyte-replacement sport drink) on rides, so I don't want much fluid from my coffee. Decided to walk over to Swill Coffee and Wine this morning to get my espresso. I don't know what coffee beans they use for their espresso roast, but I could barely choke it down, I disliked it so much.

Did a ride out to Verdi, around Verdi and Belli Ranch, and back to Reno. Did 27.44 miles. Was riding slowly again today. Averaged only 12.8 mph. At least I finished. Was light-headed for the last ten miles or so.

Have a cycling club leadership team meeting this evening.

This week, I will be working Tuesday - Friday instead of my normal Wednesday - Saturday.


2013/08/04 19:05 Sunday

Tried to drag myself out of bed in time for the club ride this morning, but was too tired. Turned off the alarms and went back to sleep.

Downstairs neighbor talked my ear off this morning about whether or not she should get a bike. She will probably go ahead and do it. I think that would be best.

Am signed up to be a ride co-leader on an intermediate ride at the club picnic. The ride will be about 30 miles at an 11-16 mph pace. Haven't been working out much at all, and got to thinking I might not be ready for a 30-mile ride by August 24th. Did a 27.26 mile ride today to test the water. Parked at Gomm School and rode to Verdi and back. Rode slowly to make sure I would be able to finish the ride. Averaged only 12.9 mph. At least I finished. Am still nervous about being clipped into the clipless pedals. It will take some time on the road before I will be comfortable being clipped in again. It will also take some time before I am comfortable riding at speed. My max speed today was only 28 mph. I was braking on one of the downhills because I was nervous.


2013/08/03 19:00 Saturday

Took my downstairs neighbor to College Cyclery after work. She is thinking about getting a bicycle to use for some of her errands, at least until she can get a car.

Am exhausted. I still think the Armour Thyroid is helping some, though. In the past, I wouldn't have been able to work ten hours and then stay up for hours after that.


2013/08/02 17:15 Friday

Downstairs neighbor called me right after I walked in the door. First thing she said was, "Don't you just love it when people call you right after you get home?" If she knew it would be a bother, why did she (expletive deleted) do it? She irritates the living daylights out of me.

Am exhausted. Will be in bed no later than six o'clock.


2013/08/01 18:30 Thursday

Am exhausted, but I still have to shower. I do think the Armour Thyroid is helping, though. I have been feeling better during the day than I have in a while. I just get worn out by the evening after putting in a ten-hour day at work and then staying up to read the news and do other things. Today I ran a couple of errands after work. Didn't get much sleep last night, either, which is contributing to the exhaustion. Had better get into the shower and then get to bed as soon as possible.


2013/07/31 19:20 Wednesday

Am getting to bed late again tonight. After work, I took Tina to College Cyclery, where she bought a bike. Am too tired to think now. Need to get ready for bed.


2013/07/30 17:50 Tuesday

Slept in today. Finally dragged myself out of bed at about 9:30am. Was going to take my road bike out to Verdi at about noon, but my downstairs neighbor called and wanted me to drive her to Squeeze In for lunch. She had a ten-dollar off certificate for her birthday that was going to expire tomorrow. I really, really, really did not want to put up with her, but I took pity on her and went anyway. Then I took her to SaveMart. She wanted to buy supplies to make chili for me. I told her that she didn't have to do that, but she is insisting. She seems to have forgotten all the times I have told her that I need to have as much time to myself as I can get. She irritates the living daylights out of me.

Anyway, by the time I got on the bike, it was really windy. I decided to turn around at 4th and Mayberry. My mileage was only 12.22 miles. Did another ten miles on the trainer. It was really hot in the spare bedroom where the trainer is, so I didn't want to push it.

Have to shower and get to bed. Am tired.


2013/07/29 19:20 Monday

Didn't get a workout in today. Went to the nurse practitioner, dropped by College Cyclery, went to Costco, then laid down to rest for an hour and a half. Was still too tired to work out, so I got the laundry out of the way.

Am going to start taking 30mg of Armour Thyroid, which is up from 15mg.

It is past my bedtime. Time to hit the sack.


2013/07/28 18:25 Sunday

Am going to be getting to bed very late. I spent most of the day downtown at the Tour de Nez. Came home and scanned the news quickly. Now I have to shower. I wasn't able to drag myself out of bed in time to shower this morning.


2013/07/27 18:20 Saturday

Was going to shower tonight, but am too tired. Will have to try to drag myself out of bed in time to shower before I leave for the Tour de Nez. Will be riding the commuter bike there so I won't have to worry about parking. My shift is early enough that I should be able to find an open spot on a bike rack. That is the reason I chose the early shift.


2013/07/26 19:05 Friday

One more ten-hour day of work and then I have three days off. However, I won't be able to sleep in on Sunday or Monday. On Sunday, I will be volunteering for the 8:30-noon shift at the Tour de Nez, and then on Monday, I have a medical appointment.

Need to get to bed now.


2013/07/25 18:40 Thursday

One of my coworkers spends a good part of the day shooting the breeze with others. My office is down the hall from the other IT offices, but I can still hear him talking incessantly. I am fed up with listening to him.

Am exhausted. Need to shower and then get to bed.


2013/07/24 19:35 Wednesday

Am getting to bed late, and am not even going to take the time to read the news. Need to get to bed.

My sister's ex-husband Mike and his wife came up north from Vegas for a Bar Association convention in Tahoe, and also for a triathlon that he will be racing in Donner. They took my other sister and me to dinner at the Stone House. It was a pleasant time spent with them.


2013/07/23 14:35 Tuesday

Am having over $400 worth of front-end work done on my truck. If it isn't one thing, it is another.

Rode the 4.33 miles home from the shop that is doing the work, and will ride back to pick up the truck. They said they could give me a ride, but I figured I might as well ride.

Ran a little less than three miles today. Wanted to make sure I didn't overdo it, since I am still going to ride back to pick up my truck.


2013/07/22 15:25 Monday

Will be taking my truck in tomorrow morning.

Will be picking Tina up at work this afternoon. Might go out to dinner afterward, depending on how tired I am then.

Paid bills this morning, then went for a run of not quite five miles. My pace was very slow. At least I'm getting out there and doing something.


2013/07/21 17:45 Sunday

Am tired. Will be going to bed very soon. Am planning on getting up early to call about getting the front end of my truck looked at. When I crank the steering wheel hard at slow speed, such as when I am pulling out of my parking space, the wheels grab.

Took my downstairs neighbor grocery shopping at Walmart this aft. She drives me batty.

The Yellow Jersey Party went well.


2013/07/20 19:45 Saturday

Made it through the first work week of four ten-hour days. Today was an easy day. The only people in the building were a couple of security guards, one of my co-workers, and me. I worked on some documentation and on a Windows 7 box that I am now using. The only three people using Windows 7 are in IT; the rest of the warehouse uses Windows XP.

Am tired, but it does seem that the Armour Thyroid is helping.

Will be co-leading a beginner ride tomorrow. After the ride, we will meet up with the riders from the regular Sunday ride at Buenos Grill for the club's annual Yellow Jersey Party. It is a celebration of the Tour de France, and it is always on the last day of the Tour.

Am fading fast. Just finished drinking chamomile tea, and it seems to have made me ready for sleep. Had better finish getting ready for bed.


2013/07/19 18:40 Friday

Made it through another ten-hour workday. One more to go, and then I have three days off. The Armour Thyroid must be helping. I'm tired, and have been too tired to exercise after work, but at least I'm surviving.


2013/07/18 18:55 Thursday

Unfortunately, my downstairs neighbor isn't going to be able to afford a car anytime soon.

Had a rough day at work today, but had a major accomplishment. We have been using basically obsolete label printers in one of our receiving departments, and they are connected to the system using serial cables. I don't know why we have still been using those printers, unless no one in any of the company's centers has been able to figure out how to get the newer models we have to work with the serial connections. I put my thinking cap on, and used the swag method to make educated guesses regarding the configuration of the newer models. I was able to get one to print on the first try. It took me hours to work the incident ticket, and by the time I was able to go to lunch, I had bonked badly from lack of food. I usually eat something mid-morning, but didn't have time today. At first, I was trying to get the obsolete printer to print decent print quality, but that was a lost cause. Then, I took a newer printer that didn't have an internal ticket backing rewinder to the location, because I didn't realize the external rewinder that we had been using wouldn't work with the printer I took up there. Then, after I got the newer printer with a rewinder up to the location, it took a long time to get the print centered on the label. Also, the printers are really heavy, and I had to carry them up and down the stairs to the mezzanine, and then up and down stairs that go across conveyors.

Am getting too tired to function, and I have to be up at 3:45am. Had better get ready for bed asap.


2013/07/17 17:50 Wednesday

Got some really bad news from my downstairs neighbor today. Her car has a blown head gasket, and she is going to have to find a new car. She will likely need for me to drive her around to look at cars, and will likely need someone to take her to the grocery store. I really don't want to deal with being around her. I can take her only in very small doses. We check in with each other on the phone every day, which started when I thought I had congestive heart failure, and which continued because she has a history of strokes. Another reason I have continued the practice is that if I were to kill myself, I would want to be found within a day. Some days, she talks my ear off, and I really hate that.


2013/07/16 11:45 Tuesday

Overdid it on the run yesterday. Was going embarrassingly slow, so the pace wasn't an issue, but I went farther than my legs were ready for. My quads were really sore this morning. That didn't stop me from doing the same mileage today, though, which was a little less than five miles. Especially toward the end, I was really struggling.

Need to shower, then go to Costco for cat food for the Nevada Humane Society.

Am planning on going to the cycling club meeting this evening. Hopefully I won't be too tired.


2013/07/15 19:10 Monday

Slept about 12 hours last night, and was really tired this morning. Felt better after I had been up for a while, though.

Decided to take up running again, and to run some days and ride other days. Ran a little less than five miles today. My pace was very slow. Have to start somewhere, though.

Took Tina to a couple of other bike shops today. I think her best bet is College Cyclery, as they are very good at fitting bikes. She has back problems, so it will be important to have the bike fit her well. She will have to save up for a few months.

Did laundry after going to the bike shops. A lot of it had piled up. Might do one more load tomorrow, depending on how much time I have. I didn't wash towels, as my two laundry baskets were so full that I would have had to make more than one trip if I had done towels also. The towels could wait until next weekend, but I would like to get it all taken care of this weekend.

Am still working out one issue with my home network that was caused by the upgrade of the Linux box. Had that issue resolved yesterday, but after a reboot, it came back. There is a workaround, but I would prefer to have it just how I want it.

Am fading fast. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/07/14 17:25 Sunday

Slept only about nine hours last night. Am tired now, but haven't been feeling too bad today.

Did 20.44 miles of laps around Virginia Lake, on the commuter bike as usual. Didn't ride very fast. Averaged 13.0 mph. Won't be able to ride laps tomorrow due to road construction on Lakeside. Am thinking about going for a run instead of a ride, but might ride the road bike out to Verdi. Haven't decided yet.

Took Tina to a late lunch, then took her out to Scheel's to look at bikes. She sold the bike I bought her, as her former girlfriend insisted that she get rid of everything having to do with me. She doesn't have the money to buy a bike yet, but she wanted to see what they have at Scheel's. That was the first time I had been there. She wanted to look there because her daughter works there, and told her that bikes go on sale in October. I recommended to Tina that she at least look at bike shops that are closer to where she lives, as routine maintenance is free with new bikes for a year at (presumably) any shop, and getting the bike to Scheel's for maintenance wouldn't be very convenient.

Upgraded the operating system on my Linux box from Fedora 16 to Fedora 19 today. Am still working on getting it set up how I want it.


2013/07/13 17:26 Saturday

Went ahead and rode to Costco. All I bought was the backup drive, so it was a quick trip. It is a 3TB drive. That will hold a lot of archive files. I have been using 16GB flash drives, but it will be more convenient to use the new drive, as I keep losing track of which flash drive I should be using. Also, for some reason the flash drives don't wipe out the files completely when I delete them, so I can't reclaim the space on the drives as I should be able to. Maybe they work better with Windows, but my primary computer is a Linux box, and that is the one I need to back up.

Probably won't go to bed until about 7pm. Am tired, but not too much so.


2013/07/13 12:50 Saturday

Yesterday, I set my iPhone alarm clock to reflect my new work days. Unfortunately, I didn't think about the fact that I was setting it for Saturdays. It woke me up at 3am this morning. Since Hope kitty heard the alarm, she figured it was time for me to pet her. I did pet her some, but really wanted to get back to sleep. Twice, just as I was drifting off, she woke me up wanting attention.

Did 20.45 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike at an average speed of 12.6 mph. Took it very easy, as my calves are still sore from riding with tight muscles yesterday. I was concerned that my calves might cramp, but they didn't.

Am going to go to Costco today and get an external hard drive to use as a backup device. They have them on sale. Haven't decided whether to ride a bike with the trailer, or to drive.


2013/07/12 18:55 Friday

I think something is wrong with me, that is, something other than the exhaustion. After work, I was too tired to risk riding on the road, as I would have had trouble staying alert. I decided to do a trainer ride, though. Fairly early on, my lower legs started feeling as though they were on the verge of cramping. I kept going, as I wanted to do 20 miles. It got worse, and at 18.85 miles, my left calf muscle seized up in a cramp. I didn't get back on the trainer to finish the ride after getting the cramp relieved. Averaged 17.0 mph.

Then, after the ride, I felt nauseated for a little while, and now my neck feels stiff. Maybe I have a slight case of heatstroke. It was about 85 degrees in the room where the trainer is, but I had a fan blowing on me.

I have the next four days off. The new work schedule starts on Sunday, and my work schedule will be Wednesday through Saturday.

Am off to get ready for bed now. Am tired.


2013/07/11 16:55 Thursday

Am tired again today. After work, I went to REI, then Costco, then Trader Joe's. Came home, ate, and read the news. Now I have to shower and get to bed.


2013/07/10 16:35 Wednesday

Am exhausted today. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/07/09 18:20 Tuesday

Little by little, I am starting to feel better. Felt halfway decent at work today, even though I got to bed late and had to get up early. I am thankful for that.


2013/07/08 19:55 Monday

Worked about three hours overtime, then went by the bike shop to pick up one of my bikes that I was getting fixed. The disc brakes weren't grabbing.

Didn't get to bed until after 7pm last night, and am getting to bed late tonight. Hopefully I won't be too tired tomorrow. The Armour thyroid seems to be helping.


2013/07/07 14:20 Sunday

Did 20.39 miles of laps around Virginia Lake at an average speed of 13.7 mph. Felt decent on the ride. Am hoping that I will continue to feel better and better. Am tired now, and will likely go to bed early, but at least I have been making progress.


2013/07/06 18:25 Saturday

Did 20.47 miles of laps around Virginia Lake at an average speed of 13.4 mph.

Have been halfway thinking about starting to go to church again. Listened to sermons from three different churches today. Wasn't favorably impressed by any of them. I really dislike it when pastors tell stories or jokes, especially long-winded or crass ones. Did a google search trying to find a church that has traditional values and services, but wasn't successful. Probably won't ever set foot in a church again.


2013/07/05 19:05 Friday

Went to bed at about 6:15pm. Wasn't able to sleep, but laid there in a fog, praying some even though my thoughts were drifting. Then I remembered that I hadn't posted anything today. Am going back to bed now.


2013/07/04 17:00 Thursday

Read briefly about a book being offered by Logos Bible Software. The author claims to put forth biblical grounds for stating that hell is a place of temporary punishment leading to total annihilation. I'm not going to purchase the book, but the thought that his premise might be correct gives me hope. I wouldn't want to go to hell, whether it would be permanent or temporary, but I do pray fervently for absolute and eternal oblivion, which is equivalent to total annihilation.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.7 mph.

Am going to eat, shower, and get to bed. Have to work tomorrow.


2013/07/04 13:45 Thursday

Slept about 13 hours last night before being awakened by my neighbor. Then, after being up for less than two hours, I went back to bed for over two hours. Am still exhausted. Had trouble dragging myself out of bed after laying down to rest.

I don't know if the Armour thyroid is helping. I felt okay at work yesterday, even though I put in a 12-hour day. Today, though, I am terribly exhausted.


2013/07/04 11:10 Thursday

Am peeved at my downstairs neighbor. She called and woke me up at 9am. She should have known better than to call at that time. She can hear me when I am up and about, due to footsteps and so forth, so she should have known I wasn't up yet.


2013/07/03 19:10 Wednesday

Am fading fast. Worked from 5am to 5pm today. Have tomorrow off, though. Am off to get ready for bed, and will sleep in tomorrow.


2013/07/02 15:00 Tuesday

Will be driving Tina to the Salvation Army Thrift Store this afternoon. Will likely get to bed late, as I will still need to shower before bed. There just aren't enough hours in the day.


2013/07/01 16:20 Monday

Have a cycling club leadership meeting this evening, so will be getting to bed late. Have to be at work at 5am. That will be difficult.

Talked the nurse practitioner into prescribing Armour. Will take my first dose in the morning. Am hoping against hope that it will help.


2013/06/30 14:15 Sunday

Co-led the club ride this morning. It was hard to drag myself out of bed, and I have been tired all day.

Have to be at work tomorrow at 5am. We change shifts tomorrow, and then when we go to four ten hour days the week of the 14th, we will all be on a 5am-3:30pm shift all the time. I am hoping the change doesn't work out because I want to work Monday through Friday.

Tina and I are going to get together for an early dinner this afternoon at 4pm. Am hoping to be in bed by six pm.

Am going back to the nurse practitioner tomorrow after work. Am going to ask her to let me try Armour, the dessicated pig thyroid medication. I have read and been told that a person's thyroid can be malfunctioning even if their blood levels are normal, and have also been told of cases in which synthetic thyroid medication doesn't work but Armour does.


2013/06/29 19:00 Saturday

Managed to get quite a bit done today. Worked six hours. Stopped by Starbucks for a triple espresso to drink tomorrow morning before the club ride. Filled up my truck. Did laundry. Ordered some cycling shorts that were on sale. Rode a bike with my trailer to Costco and picked up a few items (it was 102 degrees when I did that). Read the news.

Amy and I will be leading a club beginner ride again tomorrow morning.

Now I'm off to get ready for bed.


2013/06/28 18:40 Friday

Had trouble falling asleep last night. Am in a fog again, or rather, am still in a fog. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2013/06/27 19:35 Thursday

Worked a couple of hours overtime today. Will also be working six hours on Saturday, which will be overtime. Amy and I will be leading a beginner ride on Sunday. Have to do laundry this weekend, too. There just aren't enough hours in the week. Am so tired that I question the safety of my driving.


2013/06/26 18:05 Wednesday

Am so exhausted that I am in a fog. Shouldn't have taken the time to read the news. I still have to shower.


2013/06/25 18:40 Tuesday

Am absolutely exhausted. Have to get ready for bed now before I drop.


2013/06/24 17:50 Monday

Am exhausted, but still have to shower before going to bed. Am not even going to finish reading the news. Don't know how I will manage to function long enough to shower.

I really don't think I will be able to handle working ten-hour days.

Made an appointment to see the nurse practitioner next Monday. I'm going to push for trying dessicated pig thyroid medication.

Tina said yesterday that she would call me today, but I haven't heard from her. I texted her this morning, but she hasn't texted back. I wonder if she is back with her girlfriend and has dumped my friendship again.


2013/06/23 19:10 Sunday

There was a crash on the ride today. I was leading, and a squirrel darted across the path in front of me. I braked, and the rider behind me went down. She had a cut on her elbow and she bruised her hip. One of the riders had a first aid kit, and we used it to bandage her elbow. I picked up a first aid kit after the ride, and will take it on any rides I lead in the future.

It was good to see Tina again.

It is past my bedtime. I'm off to bed.


2013/06/22 18:00 Saturday

Paid bills this morning. Went to Costco for gasoline and cat food to donate to the Nevada Humane Society. Did 20 miles on the trainer. Had planned to ride on the road, but was so tired that it probably would have been unsafe. Averaged only 16.3 mph.

Slept about 12 1/2 hours last night, but still had to lay down to rest for an hour or so. Have been exhausted all day.

Amy and I will be co-leading a ride tomorrow. Then, in the late afternoon, Tina and I will be going to an early dinner.

Am off to bed now.


2013/06/21 17:45 Friday

Had a surprise email today. The cycling club president let me know that Tina wanted me to contact her. Turns out he runs into her sometimes where she works. They met because he was buying cycling stuff and she asked if he knew me. Tina and I have been texting this evening. I am too exhausted to talk.

Have to finish getting ready for bed now.


2013/06/20 19:50 Thursday

Had to work three hours overtime. Had to shower tonight, too. Then I talked to Amy about co-leading a ride this Sunday, and after that, added the ride to the club calendar. Now I need to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2013/06/19 17:55 Wednesday

Need I say I am exhausted? It should go without saying. Will be in bed within 15 minutes.


2013/06/18 17:25 Tuesday

Came home, ate, and skimmed the news. Now am going to shower and get to bed. Just don't have a life.

As of the week of July 14th, I will be working 4 ten-hour days. I don't know how I will be able to survive doing so. I won't get enough sleep during the work week to make it through the days. Might as well just off myself before it starts.


2013/06/17 18:10 Monday

Exhausted, as usual. Am off to get ready for bed, about two hours after getting home. I no longer have a life.


2013/06/16 16:20 Sunday

Slept 13 hours last night, and have been in bed for much of the day. Managed to get laundry done and the trash taken out, but that is all. Really wanted to ride, but have been just too exhausted. Will be going to bed for the night no later than 4:45pm.


2013/06/15 18:00 Saturday

Co-led the club ride this morning. Amy was supposed to be the other co-leader but couldn't make it, as the bike shop she and her husband Randy own (College Cyclery) got broken into last night. However, the president of the club, Ernie, was there and stepped up to co-lead.

Have been exhausted all day. Was having trouble being alert on the ride. Even so, after laying down for a while, I decided to take my bike and trailer to Costco. Misjudged how much the trailer would hold. Just barely was able to fit everything into it.

My total mileage for today was 34.61 miles. Did the club ride on the commuter bike, and rode to and from the starting point. That gave me 29.72 miles, and then the round-trip to Costco on the mountain bike was 4.89 miles.

My eye is doing better today, but is still a little red and irritated. Wore my glasses today instead of the contacts. Wore the glasses most of the day yesterday, too. I didn't realize my eye was red yesterday morning until I put the contacts in, as my vision is so bad I couldn't see the redness reflected in the mirror without the contacts. When I saw the redness, I took my glasses to work with me just in case. It is good that I did.

Had better get ready for bed. Am getting to the point at which I cannot function.


2013/06/14 18:45 Friday

Am having a problem with my left eye. It is very red at the bottom outside area. Went to the nurse at work, and she said to wait and see if it got better before going to the doctor. She looked at it with a light, and said she didn't see any foreign object or a sty. After work, I had an appointment, but after that, I went ahead and went to the eye doctor's office. The doctors had all left for the day, though. The guy who was there said not to wait until Monday. He said to go to an urgent care facility. I went on a wild goose chase lasting an hour trying to find a place with a slit lamp. The last place I went recommended going to Walmart's optical department. Just couldn't bring myself to go there. Will see how the eye looks tomorrow.

Am co-leading a club ride tomorrow, so won't be able to sleep in. Had better get to bed soon. Haven't read the national news, but I guess I will skip doing that tonight.


2013/06/13 18:35 Thursday

Am exhausted, but still have to shower. Worked an hour of overtime, so I arrived home later than usual.


2013/06/13 06:15 Thursday

Forgot to post yesterday.


2013/06/11 19:30 Tuesday

Had an early dinner with Amy after work, and then met a guy to whom I sold a set of pedals I had advertised on Craigslist. Came home, read the news, and now I need to shower before bed. Will be getting to bed late.

Was awakened by a chirping smoke detector last night. Seems as though when they start chirping, it is always in the middle of the night. Replaced the batteries, but it still chirped. Turns out it was malfunctioning. The apartment maintenance guy replaced it today.

Am exhausted, as usual.


2013/06/10 18:35 Monday

Really struggled to function today. Couldn't focus at work.

Read that Tim Tebow was signed by the New England Patriots. I hope that works out well.


2013/06/09 17:35 Sunday

Didn't do the club ride to Verdi. Instead, did 25.84 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike. Was woozy for most of the ride. Averaged 13.6 mph.

Didn't sleep well last night. Was restless.

Am exhausted. Had better get ready for bed asap.


2013/06/08 Saturday

Co-led the club beginner ride. Rode to and from the start. Took the commuter bike. Total mileage was 24.59.

Got a few things taken care of today. Installed an air conditioner in my bedroom. It is a floor-standing unit with an exhaust hose that goes in the window. Got it from a co-worker. I don't need it, myself, as I do fine in the heat, but I have been worried about Hope kitty maybe getting too hot.

Also got my bike trailer and my mountain bike ready to roll. Am planning on starting in again on taking that rig on shopping trips to Costco.

Might do the Sunday club ride to Verdi tomorrow, if I wake up early enough and am not too tired.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am tired.


2013/06/07 18:45 Friday

Won't be going on the West Shore Tahoe ride tomorrow. Am way too tired. It would be too long of a day for me. I might co-lead the club beginner ride tomorrow that is being led by the club president. Depends on how I feel in the morning.

Was too tired to ride today, and besides, I had some errands to run after work.

Am off to get ready for bed before I pass out from exhaustion.


2013/06/06 17:30 Thursday

Was hoping to be able to ride today, but am just too tired. Too tired to shower, too, but I have to do that.

Am RSVP'd for a ride on the West Shore of Tahoe on Saturday, but still don't know if I will be able to make it. The ride will be fairly slow, as most of it is on multi-use paths. It is a 30-mile or so ride, and the plan is to stop at Tahoma Market for sandwiches to take to Sugar Pine Point Park for lunch. It isn't a challenging ride, but getting up early and having a fairly long day would be a challenge.

Am exhausted. Am going to hit the shower and then crash into bed.


2013/06/05 18:30 Wednesday

Time to get ready for bed. Am exhausted, as usual. Didn't get enough sleep last night.


2013/06/04 19:30 Tuesday

Have had a very busy day. Was swamped at work, as has been the norm lately. After work, I had a chiropractor appointment. The chiropractor likes to talk, and I don't like to listen. After the appointment, I went to REI to exchange some sandals I purchased online, then went to Trader Joe's, and then picked up a burger at Kinder's. Came home, petted Hope kitty, ate, and skimmed the news. Now I have to shower before bed. Will be getting to bed very late. At least I don't have to be at work until 7am.


2013/06/03 16:40 Monday

Worked ten hours today. Came home, petted Hope kitty for a long time (as usual), skimmed my email, and then skimmed the local news. Need to make a sandwich for tomorrow's lunch, then go to a cycling club leadership meeting.


2013/06/02 16:50 Sunday

Didn't get to ride today. Volunteered at the KTMB flower planting this morning, so I had to get up early. By the time I got home, it was almost 1pm, and I was absolutely exhausted. Would have taken a nap, but I had too much to do.

Got to bed late last night, then laid there half-awake for a long time. Then, after I had been asleep for a while, I was awakened by a page on the on-call cell phone. I had to get out of bed and log on to the on-call laptop so that I could verify that it was nothing serious. I don't know why the system was set to page the on-call phone for something like that. I hate being on-call. It angers me that I have to be.

My sliding glass door opens onto the common area. I like to have it open, but hate the noise. There have been obnoxiously noisy teenagers shouting and yelling in the pool almost all weekend. I am going to complain to the apartment manager tomorrow. I don't know if she can do anything about it, though.

I loathe children.


2013/06/01 21:15 Saturday

Forgot to post herein, then remembered after I had gone to bed. I had also forgotten to scoop out Hope kitty's litter box until after going to bed. Am getting to bed very late. Had too much to do today. Am not getting enough rest. Didn't even have time to read the national news.


2013/05/31 20:40 Friday

Will be getting to bed really late tonight, and will have to get up early enough to shower before the club ride. After work, I ran a couple of errands before going to the doctor's office. The nurse practitioner prescribed some medication. I dropped off the prescription at Costco, then ran another errand while waiting for it to be filled. I rode my commuter bike back to Costco, then did laps around Virginia Lake. Did 20.96 miles. Averaged only 12.0 mph. When I got home, I realized that one of my front brake pads was rubbing against the wheel.

The bloodwork showed that I have very likely had a viral infection. The test for CMV is considered positive at a level greater than 1, and my level was 15.3. The medication prescribed won't cure the virus, but it may alleviate the exhaustion. I will be taking the medication for at least a month, and if that doesn't help, it will be back to the drawing board.

Had better get ready for bed now. It is way past my bedtime.


2013/05/30 17:00 Thursday

Was too tired to ride today, as usual. Most likely won't ride tomorrow, either. I have an appointment with the nurse practitioner to go over my bloodwork at 2:45pm. Will be off work at 1:30pm. Am going to ask her about thyroid treatment in case I do have a thyroid problem. I read an article in which a doctor said that over 30% of her patients who have thyroid problems had blood levels in the normal range before treatment. Also, at Randy and Amy's, I was talking to one of their neighbors who has Hashimoto's thyroiditis, and her blood levels were normal before treatment, but after starting treatment with a natural thyroid supplement, as opposed to Sybthroid, she has been back to normal.

Amy and I will be leading a beginner club ride this Saturday, and on Sunday, I will be volunteering at a KTMB flower planting. Probably won't get enough rest this weekend.

Speaking of rest, I am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/05/29 18:35 Wednesday

Will be getting to bed late tonight. Had a chiropractor appointment after work, then had to pick up my commuter bike from the bike shop. Scanned the news and sent a couple of emails. Time flies. There just aren't enough hours in the day. I still have to shower tonight, too. There aren't enough hours in the workday, either. I am swamped. Just want to give up, quit my job, and off myself.


2013/05/28 14:00 Tuesday

Went to Amy and Randy's yesterday after all. I don't remember what time I left. Went to bed right after getting home, but had trouble falling asleep. Have been in a fog all day. Probably shouldn't have been driving due to impairment from exhaustion. Left work early. Had an appointment to drop one of my bikes off for a tune-up, so I did that. Will pick it up tomorrow.

Am off to get ready for bed now. I plan to be in bed no later than 2:30pm.


2013/05/27 13:25 Monday

Am utterly exhausted. Have been invited to Amy's and Randy's (Amy's husband) for a Memorial Day party, but am so tired I might not go. Will brew some tea and then see how I feel in a while.

Did 20.51 miles of laps on the commuter bike around Virginia Lake. Had wanted to ride the road bike out to Verdi and back, but thought I had better stay close to home due to the exhaustion. Was going to try for 25 miles, but was so tired before I even hit ten miles that I was having trouble concentrating. Averaged 12.7 mph.


2013/05/26 18:20 Sunday

Scouted a beginner ride with Amy. It is 13.1 miles. It was really windy today.

Noticed that one of my truck tires was low, and took the truck to Costco. They replaced the valve stem and didn't charge me.

Am exhausted. Time to get ready for bed.


2013/05/25 18:30 Saturday

Didn't have to work today after all. It's for the best that I didn't. The exhaustion has been really bad today. Woke up this morning after 11 hours of sleep, petted Hope kitty for a while, went to the bathroom, then went back to bed for an hour. Went to LabCorp and Costco. Took a couple of 20-lb bags of cat food to the Nevada Humane Society. Wanted to do a ride, but laid down to rest first. Thought I would be in bed for maybe an hour, but fell asleep and only woke up because my downstairs neighbor called and woke me up after not quite four hours. She made cornbread for me for my birthday.

Am still exhausted. Am going to get a few things done, and then go back to bed. Haven't even read the national news today. Am just too tired to function.


2013/05/24 19:05 Friday

Was too tired to be alert enough to ride on the road, but really wanted to do a workout. Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.7 mph.

Am exhausted. Need to get to bed.


2013/05/23 17:40 Thursday

Am exhausted and in a very bad mood. Just had a very bad experience with Christian Webhost, the service I use for my domains. My email client could not get email from the server, and in the process of trying to fix the problem, I had to change my email password. The online chat person couldn't tell me how to change my email address on the server. Worse, even after I told him I needed to change my password on the server, he referred me to a URL on how to change it in the email client. Then, he referred me to a URL that deals with Plesk 10, but they use Plesk 9.2.3. I pointed out to him that what the URL said to do didn't match what was in the Plesk Control Panel, and he just told me to open a support ticket. I have had other bad experiences with Christian Webhost. If I ever get around to it, I will be changing webhosting services.

Am exhausted, but still need to shower. I hate life.


2013/05/22 16:35 Wednesday

Made a little progress at digging out of the hole I have been in at work. Finally started getting caught up on putting out fires.

Will probably be working on Saturday. If the warehouse will be working, I will be scheduled to work. If so, I will have to reschedule the blood draw.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am fading fast.


2013/05/21 17:00 Tuesday

There is a cycling club meeting tonight, but I am too tired to go. Am going to shower and get to bed as soon as possible.

Saw the nurse practitioner today. She ordered lab tests. Won't be getting the blood drawn until Saturday, as I will have to fast, and I don't want to spend a day at work without having had anything to eat.

Am too tired to function. Don't know how I will stay awake long enough to shower.


2013/05/20 18:35 Monday

There just aren't enough hours in the day. Had a chiropractor appointment after work, then dropped off one of my bikes at College Cyclery for a tune-up appointment tomorrow. Then I made a list of doctors I have been to and looked up their fax numbers. I did that because I have a medical appointment tomorrow, and they want that information. I will be going to a nurse practitioner or a physician's assistant; I'm not sure which. A fellow cycling club member recommended his doctor, but he isn't accepting new patients. I will be seeing a NP or PA at his office.

Am so utterly exhausted that my head feels wooden. Haven't read the news yet. Am just going to skim rgj.com and that is it. Have to get to bed as soon as possible.


2013/05/19 18:45 Sunday

Slept about 13 1/2 hours last night. I spend more time in bed than out during the weekends. Have been tired all day, as usual.

First thing today, I did laundry, then I paid bills. Almost didn't ride due to being tired, but decided to do 20 miles on the trainer. Rode the trainer because I can do 20 miles on it faster than doing 20 miles of laps on the commuter bike. Having to stop, or at least slow down to almost a stop, at stop signs and to make left turns eats up the time. Averaged 17.0 mph.

Will likely have to leave work early tomorrow. Hope kitty is not feeling well, and it looks as though I will have to take her to the vet fairly early in the day. Took her in for her annual shots yesterday morning, and it appears that she is having a bad reaction to them. The vet told me she would likely be lethargic on Saturday, but would be back to normal on Sunday. She was fine until late yesterday, then she ended up crawling under the comforter on the bed and not coming out. I called the vet this morning, and he said that if she wasn't better by tomorrow morning, to take her in. She is doing a little better, but not much. I'll see how she acts in the morning. I have been swamped at work, and leaving early will exacerbate that, but if she needs to go back to the vet, then she will go back to the vet.

Have a chiropractor appointment tomorrow afternoon, and need to drop my road bike off tomorrow for a tune-up appointment for Tuesday.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed. Am getting to bed later than I wanted to.


2013/05/18 18:25 Saturday

Was in bed for over 13 hours last night, but still had to lay down to rest for about an hour and 45 minutes today. I've decided to try going to yet another GP. A fellow cycling club member highly recommends his doctor. The doctor isn't accepting new patients, but several months ago I was told I could get in to see his PA. I'll see if I can still get in to see her. Presumably she would consult with him. I either have to keep trying to find someone who can figure out what is wrong with me, or I have to kill myself. This is no way to live.

Despite being exhausted, I did a ride of laps around Virginia Lake today. It was windy. Was planning on doing 20 or so miles, but ended up doing 25.91 miles. At about five miles, I was feeling good, but by 13, I was getting tired. I'm not sure why I decided to hang on for over 25 miles. Anyway, I averaged 13.4 mph.

Prayed some during the ride. One thing I prayed about was health issues for various people, including myself. Another thing was I gave thanks that I am an American, and for all that goes along with that. I gave thanks for all that I have. I gave thanks that I am able to ride a bicycle and wear cycling clothing. Doing so would be out of the question in some countries. I have read a couple of articles about a women's cycling team in Afghanistan and what they go through. Some Islamic countries don't even allow women to ride bikes because it is thought by some that virginity would be lost by straddling the saddle.

Am off to get ready for bed. Don't know if I will be able to fall asleep right away, but am too tired to function, so I might as well try to get some rest.


2013/05/17 16:40 Friday

Too tired to ride today. Too tired even to finish reading the news. Worked an hour and a half overtime, but would have been too tired to ride even if I had left on time. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/05/16 16:40 Thursday

I don't know why I talk about suicide. I'll never muster up the courage to do it. I'll just continue to hate life more and more until I die of natural causes. I hate life. I loathe life. I am a pitiful excuse for a human being. I can't even muster the courage to end my hated, loathed existence.


2013/05/16 16:20 Thursday

Two people said to me after work something to the effect of, "You survived the day." What they don't understand is that I am being pushed ever closer to suicide every day.


2013/05/16 16:05 Thursday

Another brutal day at work. To make matters worse, I am too exhausted to ride. Exercise helps with stress, but I simply cannot ride. I am going to get ready for bed now. I have been home for only two hours, and I came straight home from work, but I just cannot function any longer. Slept ten hours last night, but that wasn't enough rest.


2013/05/15 16:40 Wednesday

Today was an awful day at work. I was swamped. Had to stay 30 minutes late. Will be facing a full plate tomorrow trying to catch up and also handle tomorrow's work. I actually thought about walking off the job today. Would have to kill myself if I did, as I am sure I wouldn't be able to find another job that would pay my bills.

Have to shower and then get to bed before I drop from exhaustion.


2013/05/14 18:25 Tuesday

Was tired all day long, but wanted to do a ride anyway. I decided to ride the trainer rather than having to be alert on the road. My goal was 15 miles, but I ended up doing 20. For the first several miles, the time was passing slowly. I didn't even want to do the entire 15 miles that I had planned on doing. Then, by about 12 miles, I started considering doing 20. Averaged 17.1 mph. It was one of those days when I almost didn't ride due to fatigue, but then after a time of working out, I felt better.

Am fading fast now, though. Had better get ready for bed now before I collapse.


2013/05/13 18:40 Monday

Will be getting to bed late. Had a chiropractor appointment after work, then came home, ate, and read the news. Am exhausted, but still have to shower.


2013/05/12 19:00 Sunday

Probably spent more time in bed today than out of it. Laid down to rest several times.

Went to Squeeze In for lunch. It was packed. I didn't think about the fact that it was Mother's Day until it was too late.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Was too tired to ride outdoors and be alert enough to ride safely. Really struggled on the ride. Thought about quitting at 15 miles, but managed to hold on for the full 20 miles. Averaged 16.7 mph.

Am off to get ready for bed now.


2013/05/12 10:55 Sunday

Overdid it yesterday, and am paying the price today. Am in a fog of exhaustion, and have been in bed most of the morning. Am overwhelmed. There is too much to do and too little time and energy to do it.


2013/05/11 20:15 Saturday

It has been a long day. Did the KTMB Community Cleanup, then went to the lunch they have for volunteers afterward. After that, I took my truck in for an oil change. Then did a ride. Just did 20.47 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on my commuter bike. Averaged 12.7 mph, which isn't fast, but I was surprised that my average wasn't slower than that. Felt as though I was going very slow. Then I took my road bike to College Cyclery to have the rear brake adjusted. After getting home, I swept out the bed of my truck, as there were a lot of glass fragments from the trash we picked up at the cleanup. Then I ate dinner and read the news. Finally, I showered.

I am tired, but won't be going to bed right away. It is said that iPhone batteries should be drained fully once a month, but I haven't been letting that happen. My battery was low this evening, so I decided to let it drain. To speed up the process, I opened the MotionX GPS app, which pulls a lot of battery power. I think it will drain fully within about 20 more minutes.

Should answer some emails, but am too tired.


2013/05/10 19:50 Friday

Am getting to bed late. Won't be able to sleep in tomorrow, as I will be participating in the KTMB Community Cleanup in the morning. A group of us from work will be taking part.

Did 20 miles on the trainer after work. Rode the trainer because I felt too tired to ride safely on the road. Averaged only 16.6 mph.

Am off to get ready for bed now. There just aren't enough hours in the day when faced with chronic exhaustion.


2013/05/09 18:00 Thursday

Am exhausted, but still have to shower before bed.

I wanted to go after work and get a new pair of gloves for the KTMB Community Cleanup that a group of us from work will be participating in on Saturday. I asked the woman whose office is next door to mine where she would recommend getting some leather gloves. She gardens, so I figured she would know. She said all dollar stores would have them. I doubted that, but tried finding some at one anyway. I should know better than to listen to her. She is a know-it-all who is frequently wrong. She is the one who told me not to worry about the fact that Faith the cat wasn't eating much. Anyway, the trip to the dollar store was wasted. I ended up going to Walmart, even though I hate going there. I found some gloves with leather palms and fabric backs that fit well.

There are children playing in the common area and making a lot of noise. I despise children and the noise they make.

Had better shower now before I get too tired to stand up.


2013/05/08 19:25 Wednesday

Am getting to bed late. Had a psychiatrist appointment after work, and then went to Costco. Read the news, then started cropping photos from the Cookie Ride in preparation for posting them to the club meetup.com site. Got too tired to continue. Started getting ready for bed, then remembered that I hadn't posted anything. Have to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2013/05/07 17:20 Tuesday

Am so tired that I am in a fog of exhaustion. Can't keep going like this. Am getting so far behind at work, in part because the exhaustion is making me inefficient, that I am giving up and just trying to make it through the day. Somehow I have to muster the courage to off myself.


2013/05/06 16:25 Monday

Am tired, but am going to attend the cycling club meeting anyway. I hope I'm not too tired to drive by the time it is over.


2013/05/05 15:05 Sunday

Did the Cookie Ride today. The weather was rather cold, but at least it didn't rain. I wore just about the right amount of gear. Was somewhat cold when standing around, but once I had been riding for a while, I warmed up. My mileage was 27.98 miles. My average speed was only 13.2 mph, which is very slow for a road bike ride. Am still not comfortable with the clipless pedals or with going fast downhill. Am making progress, but it will take more time.

Good thing I did my laundry yesterday. Was absolutely exhausted by the time I got home from the ride. Laid down, but wasn't able to sleep, so I got up again. Am going to shower soon, and plan to be in bed no later than 5pm.

Busy day tomorrow. After work, I have a chiropractor appointment, then at 5:30pm, I have the cycling club leadership meeting.


2013/05/04 16:30 Saturday

Amy from College Cyclery and I led the club beginner ride this morning. It went well. We had four riders. Neither of the two people who signed up were there, though. I don't really want to lead beginner rides, but Amy is excited about doing them.

Tomorrow is the annual Cookie Ride. It starts at Idlewild Park and goes to Crystal Peak Park in Verdi and back. We have cookies at the park. The ride is in recognition of the work done by a local rider on the Tahoe-Pyramid Bikeway. I hope the weather isn't bad. Not long ago, I saw lightening and heard thunder. The skies are threatening and look like rain.

Will be going to bed before long. Got only ten hours of sleep last night. That isn't enough to recharge my batteries.


2013/05/03 20:25 Friday

Did 20.52 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike. Averaged 12.9 mph. Rode slowly the last five miles or so. My right quadricep was bothering me. It was bothering me a little throughout the ride, but a friend called my cell phone when I was not quite at 15 miles, and when I started back up after stopping to talk to him, the muscle was very tight. Also, I have been very tired all day, and the exhaustion slowed me down. It also made riding a little unsafe, as I wasn't focused.

Had better get ready for bed now. Have to co-lead the beginner ride tomorrow morning. Have to be there at 9:30am, and want to shower beforehand.


2013/05/02 18:15 Thursday

Too tired to ride today. Am not even going to finish reading the news. I am bitter about my health problems.

Yesterday, I read an article about Alan Alda. There were several photos of him. I was struck by how old he looks. Seems like just yesterday he was on MASH, and not old at all. Feels like a time-warp to see him looking so old.


2013/05/01 20:25 Wednesday

Am getting to bed very late. Had a haircut appointment after work. After that, I skimmed my email and the local news. Was too tired to ride, but did so anyway. Started off doing laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike, but my right calf was cramping, and I was afraid that would cause me not to be able to unclip at some point. Gave up and went home. The mileage was 11.94, and the average speed was 12.5 mph. After getting home, I did 10 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.5 mph. After the rides, I skimmed the national news. Now it is time, or rather past time, to get ready for bed.


2013/04/30 18:20 Tuesday

Was hoping to be able to do a ride today, but was too tired.

Had to change the tube on the rear tire on my road bike this afternoon. Had patched the flat tube yesterday, but the tire went flat again. There was another hole close to the patch. Maybe I thought I was patching the hole but missed it. I checked the tire very carefully to ensure that there wasn't another sticker in it. I did find a sticker yesterday. The hole I found today was too close to the patch to put a second patch on it.

Am exhausted, but still have to shower. Life is a grind. Am so tired that it is difficult to function at work, much less ride after work. I have nothing to live for.


2013/04/29 19:00 Monday

Another crazy day at work....

Went to the chiropractor after work. I hope that the pain in my right leg goes away for good soon. I have been taking ibuprofen every morning. I'm getting tired of the cost of the chiropractor, too.

Have to call the president of the cycling club about the route sheet before I go to bed. He is the one who did the route. Am so tired, though, that I can't think straight.


2013/04/28 18:20 Sunday

Didn't get to bed until 9:30pm last night. After Amy and I scouted the ride (unsuccessfully), we met her husband at Eclipse Pizza and hung out there for a while. After that, I read some news online, and the time got away from me.

Got up at about 8:30am this morning. Did some laundry, then laid down to rest for a while. Dragged myself out of bed after about an hour. Went back to Roy Gomm School, which is where the ride will start. The route sheet is missing a couple of things, and the mileage is off some. Managed to figure out where the ride is supposed to go, though. When I got back to my truck, I saw that the rear tire on my bike was flat. I had picked up a goathead. I was on my road bike today. Took that bike on the scouting trip yesterday evening also.

Weekends are too short and work weeks are too long.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed now.


2013/04/27 16:00 Saturday

Slept only about nine hours last night. Woke up early because nature called, and then couldn't get back to sleep.

Did 25.92 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike. Averaged 12.9 mph. Was light-headed starting at about 17 miles into the ride. Am still feeling woozy.

Amy from College Cyclery and I are going to scout out a ride this evening. We are planning on co-leading a novice ride next Saturday. The route is one that was used by another club member for a beginner ride, and Amy and I want to familiarize ourselves with the route.

I think I'll lay down to rest for about an hour before meeting Amy. She is working today, so she won't be able to ride until about 6pm.


2013/04/26 19:30 Friday

Made it to the weekend.

Did 20.53 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on the commuter bike. Averaged 13.2 mph.

Am too tired to think of anything else to write. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/04/25 16:40 Thursday

Picked up a package this afternoon at the apartment office, and the manager thanked me for keeping my apartment clean. I thought for a moment that she was confused about which apartment I live in. I get enough packages, though, that she knows which unit I am in. I responded that I have a lot of clutter, but she said that at least my apartment is clean, and some of the units are not. I've been worrying each time there is an inspection that I will be evicted for the clutter.

Really wanted to ride today. My mind said ride, but my body said don't even think about it. Am absolutely exhausted. Have showered, and am just going to wait for my hair to dry a little more and then will hit the sack.

I called the vet to get a refill of the liquid antibiotics that I have been giving Hope kitty orally, but the vet said that I don't have to give them to her any more. That was good news. Hope kitty is good about letting me give her medicine, but it is clear she doesn't like it. More good news is that the urine culture didn't show anything wrong.

Today is my last day of being on call for a while. Hopefully nothing will go wrong this evening. The third shift shows up at nine o'clock, so I only have responsibility for another four and a half hours or so.


2013/04/24 17:40 Wednesday

Picked up my truck. I had been quoted $650 plus tax, but the total came to only $629. I took it to Landa Muffler.

Rode my commuter bike the 3.54 miles over there, then drove to Virginia Lake to do laps. Reset the cycling computer and was planning on doing 20 miles of laps, but cut the ride short at 10.86 miles because workmen were getting ready to close the road in one area due to a gas leak. My average for that distance was 12.7 mph. After I got home, I did ten miles on the trainer at an average speed of 17.1 mph. My legs are tired. Didn't work out all that hard, so I don't know why.

The apartment inspection is tomorrow. My apartment is a mess, but they haven't said anything in the past about the clutter.

Days off pass too quickly.

Had better get ready for bed soon. It is getting late, and I am tired.


2013/04/23 16:20 Tuesday

Dropped off my truck to get the manifold fixed. Left work two hours early so that the shop could get started on it today to make sure it is done by tomorrow afternoon. Dropped it off at about 11:30am. Remembered everything I needed to ride home: cycling shorts, cycling shoes, socks, helmet, and so forth. Did laps around Virginia Lake instead of heading straight for home. My total mileage was 22.3 miles, and my average was 12.3 mph. That is slow, but at least I rode.

Have read that the surviving Boston suspect claims he and his brother acted alone. Maybe they did, maybe they didn't. Why would anyone believe him anyway?

Am exhausted. Will be in bed by about 5pm.


2013/04/22 18:35 Monday

Was too tired to get motivated to do much of anything at work today. Ended up spending most of the day chatting on IM with a counterpart in Lathrop. I don't really like conversation, but it did help pass the time.

Will be working just six hours tomorrow, and then will be taking Wednesday off so that I won't have to ride the bus to work and back. Besides, I still need to do some straightening up to get my apartment semi-presentable for the annual inspection on Thursday. Will drop off my truck tomorrow and pick it up sometime on Wednesday. Am still planning on riding the commuter bike to and from the shop. Will lock it up in the truck bed tomorrow while I am at work.

Had a chiropractor appointment after work, and then went to Costco. Will be getting to bed later than I wanted to. Speaking of which, I need to finish getting ready for bed before I drop from exhaustion.


2013/04/21 18:20 Sunday

By the time I finished the laundry at 2pm, I was utterly exhausted. I guess being in bed for 13 hours last night wasn't enough. Six hours after getting up in the morning, I was back in bed.

Laid down to rest for about an hour and a half, but that didn't help. Was too tired to ride on the road. It wouldn't have been safe. Did 20 miles on the trainer, though, since I don't have to be alert on it. Averaged only 16.7 mph. Listened to sermons, but my attention kept drifting off and I had to keep replaying sections when I realized I didn't know what had been said. I am to the point at which I really don't even like listening to sermons any more, as the pastors all tell long-winded stories and engage in conversation almost as much as they actually preach.

It is late, and I still have to shower. I just want to drop into bed now.


2013/04/21 12:00 Sunday

Paid bills this morning. Lost cause. At least I can still make my payments.

Am doing laundry now. After that, I will do a ride.


2013/04/20 18:45 Saturday

The e-waste event was boring. The last time I volunteered for one, there was a non-stop stream of vehicles to unload. This year, we spent a lot of time just standing around.

Got up early enough this morning to shower. Have been exhausted all day. After getting home from the event, I went to bed for about an hour and a half.

After the nap, I put on cycling gear and headed for Virginia Lake on the commuter bike. Did only 4.37 miles. My leg was hurting whenever I unclipped and put my foot down. It wasn't as bad when I was pedaling, so when I got home, I did 15 miles on the trainer. The chiropractor is still treating my leg, and I have an appointment for Monday. I think I will be able to ride tomorrow if I take ibuprofen a while before riding.

The vet called. Hope kitty's liver, kidney, and thyroid functioning appear to be normal. However, there were sedimentation and red blood cells in her urine. The red blood cells could have been from the procedure of drawing out the urine. In any case, the vet will have the urine cultured. If it isn't one thing, it is another. I just keep going further and further into debt.

Am too tired to stay up any longer. Need to finish getting ready for bed.


2013/04/19 19:05 Friday

Took Hope kitty to the vet right after work. Left work half an hour early to make it to the two o'clock appointment at the vet. She started drinking a lot more water than usual at about the same time she got diarrhea. The stomach problem is resolved, but she is still drinking a lot. The vet is running tests. They wanted a urine sample, but her bladder was empty, so I had to leave her for a few hours. When they were able to get the sample, it was dark and cloudy, leading the vet to believe that she has a urinary tract infection. I have to give her liquid oral medication for ten days. Poor kitty.

When I left Hope kitty at the vet, I did a 20.54-mile ride of laps around Virginia Lake on my commuter bike at an average speed of 12.3 mph. It was very windy in places.

Am volunteering at the e-waste recycling event tomorrow. Will have to be there no later than 8am. Would like to sleep in, but won't be able to because of that. Am exhausted, as usual, so had better get to bed now. Should shower, but am just too tired. Am too tired even to read the news. My downstairs neighbor filled me in with excruciating detail about Boston. Put her on speakerphone and ate while she was going on and on.


2013/04/18 18:45 Thursday

Haven't been getting enough sleep lately, so I should have gone to bed early. Decided to ride, though. Did 20.55 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on my commuter bike. Averaged only 12.2 mph. Was very nervous about the clipless pedals when I first started, but became more comfortable as the ride progressed.

Decided to get my truck fixed instead of buying a new car. Will be leaving work early on Tuesday to drop it off, and then will pick it up on Wednesday afternoon. Will take the day off Wednesday so that I won't have to deal with riding the bus to and from work. That will work out well, as the annual apartment inspection is Thursday, and I will be able to try on Wednesday to make the apartment at least somewhat more presentable.

Am planning to take my commuter bike to work on Tuesday and leave it locked up in the bed of the truck. Will then ride home after I drop off the truck. Could get my downstairs neighbor to pick me up, and I might do that, but would just as soon take care of it myself.

Had better get ready for bed now. Am exhausted, as usual.


2013/04/17 17:55 Wednesday

One factor in favor of getting a new car is that my truck has over 137,000 miles on it. I am afraid that it is going to need more and more work before long. I would hate to saddle myself with a higher payment for a longer time, though.


2013/04/17 17:10 Wednesday

The manifold on my truck is cracked. It would cost $650 plus tax for it to be repaired. I am considering getting a Toyota Prius instead of getting it fixed. I like my truck, though, and am not sure I can see myself driving a regular car. I have seven or eight payments left on my truck. Maybe I should just bite the bullet, put the repair on a credit card, and get the truck paid off.

Am exhausted. Didn't get nearly enough sleep last night. Need to shower and get to bed ASAP.


2013/04/16 14:30 Tuesday

Another crazy day at work. Tomorrow might not be quite as bad.

Have a cycling club meeting this evening. Am going to lay down to rest beforehand, but doubt if I will be able to sleep.

Will be taking my truck in to get the exhaust system checked out right after work tomorrow. If it isn't one thing, it's another.


2013/04/15 18:40 Monday

Am exhausted and still have to shower. Work was crazy, then I had a chiropractor appointment, then had to take Hope kitty to the vet because she has diarrhea, then had to pick up my sandbags at my sister's house. The weather forecast is calling for slushy snow overnight.

The tragedy at the Boston Marathon is terrible.


2013/04/14 15:50 Sunday

Have been awake for not quite nine hours, but am so exhausted that I am already getting ready for bed.


2013/04/14 15:05 Sunday

Probably won't be able to ride on Wednesday, either, even if I feel up to it. My truck has developed an exhaust system problem, and I want to take it in to have it fixed. If I can get it taken care of on Wednesday, I will do that.

Am exhausted. Will probably go to bed no later than 5pm.


2013/04/14 11:15 Sunday

Have had vertigo this morning, so I rode the trainer instead of riding on the road. Was struggling. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 16.8 mph.

Have a chiropractor appointment tomorrow, then a cycling club meeting on Tuesday, so I won't be able to ride again until Wednesday.


2013/04/13 15:55 Saturday

Did 20.55 miles of laps around Virginia Lake this morning. It was very windy, and in part because of that, my average was very slow. It was only 11.5 mph. I had wanted to do 25 miles today, but didn't have time, and besides, I was rather tired.

Went to Braido's for lunch, and then helped my friend Dan move. He has moved into the same apartment complex I live in. He will be paying less rent for a better apartment. The complex he was in has drug dealers.

Am very tired. Will be going to bed fairly early.


2013/04/12 18:20 Friday

It was another crazy day at work, and Monday will be even worse.

Did 20.51 miles of laps around Virginia Lake after work. Still haven't crashed, thankfully. Am still being extra cautious about being clipped in, and my slow average speed of 12.2 mph for today's ride reflects that.

Am going to be helping a friend move tomorrow at noon. Will try to get in a ride beforehand.

Had better get ready for bed now, as I am tired and want to get as much sleep as possible.


2013/04/11 15:15 Thursday

After two days of staying up later than usual, I am absolutely exhausted. Was hoping to ride today, but that is out of the question.

The work day was very busy, as I knew it would be. Managed to survive, though.

Am off to shower and then get to bed. Am hoping to be in bed by 4pm. That would give me about 11 hours in bed for the night.


2013/04/10 18:25 Wednesday

Almost forgot to post this evening. Was getting ready for bed when I remembered.

Had a chiropractor appointment after work and then went to Costco. Came home for a while, then went to my sister's house to drop off the sandbags that I keep in my truck bed in the winter. She stores them for me when I don't need them. Had to take them out before Saturday, as I will be helping a friend move on that day.

Tomorrow will be another crazy day at work. I will have a lot on my plate. We are in the middle of a big project.


2013/04/09 16:45 Tuesday

It was a crazy day at work today. Was on the go non-stop.

By the time I arrived home, I was exhausted. I have recovered a little bit, though. I have already showered, but I don't know if I want to go to bed right away. I don't feel as though I could sleep yet. I think I'll put cleats on my cycling boots in case we have another cold day.

Talked to my sister this morning. She said that the condition of Chuck, her ex-husband, probably isn't as bad as it sounds. Clearly, it is serious, but the doctors are taking the approach of "treat it and beat it," and it looks as though there is reason to hope he will pull through it. Am praying hard for healing and salvation for him.


2013/04/08 17:55 Monday

It's back to work tomorrow. Back to the grind. I dread going back. Just can't get enough time away from there.

Did 20 miles on the trainer this afternoon. Averaged 17.0 mph. Started out slowly, then picked up the pace after a while. Was going to ride laps around Virginia Lake, but before I was done with even one lap, I could tell that my toes were going to be too cold. To make a long story short, after I changed pedal types, I never got set up for protecting my feet from cold weather. I didn't ride on the road at all during the winter, so it wasn't an issue. I did buy a pair of cold-weather cycling boots last autumn, but never put cleats on them. I didn't have time to take care of that before going to the chiropractor today, so I punted and rode the trainer.

Got some very bad news about my ex-brother-in-law. Cancer has spread to his brain. I don't know the prognosis yet. Lance Armstrong's cancer spread to his brain, but he made it through, so I haven't given up hope yet.


2013/04/07 12:40 Sunday

Rode laps around Virginia Lake on my commuter bike again today. My mileage was 20.51 miles. My average speed was a little faster than yesterday. It was 12.0 mph today, and yesterday it was 11.5 mph. I haven't been trying to go fast; am just trying to get used to the clipless pedals again.


2013/04/06 18:20 Saturday

Not too long ago, the dictionary.com word of the day was "gaumless." Reminds me of myself. It means, "lacking in vitality or intelligence; stupid, dull, or clumsy."


2013/04/06 18:10 Saturday

Got the bathroom and the kitchen cleaned. Also did a lot of shredding. The clutter is overwhelming, but I will try to get as much of it cleaned up as I can. My coping skills are severely lacking.


2013/04/06 14:15 Saturday

Finally did a bike ride on the road. Did 20.5 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on my commuter bike. Didn't have any problems with vertigo. Was very nervous about riding clipped in to the clipless pedals, but didn't crash at all. "Clipless" pedals is a term that is counter-intuitive, as one wouldn't think of a clipless pedal as something one would clip into, but it makes sense in context of history. Clipless pedals are used with shoes that have cleats that clip into the pedals. Before clipless pedals, riders used what are called "toe clips." Toe clips are cages that attach to the pedals. They are open at the back, and shoes slip into them.

Now I need to get some housework done. Am tired, but will do as much as I can before going to bed. It probably won't be much, but I have to get some done.


2013/04/05 19:15 Friday

Didn't get any housework done today. There just aren't enough hours in the day when it is necessary to sleep as much as I do.

The chiropractor did a lot of adjustments. Also, he said I might have adrenal fatigue. I went to King's Nutrition and picked up an adrenal supplement. Hope kitty meowed like crazy and tried to get to the capsules when I opened the bottle. I will be storing the bottle in the microwave so she can't get to them. I don't think she could get into the bottle, but I don't want to take any chances.

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 17.3 mph. Had to struggle to keep up that pace. One of these days, I'm going to take my chances and start riding on the road again. Thought about it today, but it was so late and I was so tired by the time I got around to riding that I doubted I would be able to focus well enough to avoid crashing a lot. As noted in an earlier post, I will likely crash at times until I get used to unclipping from the pedals again.

Slept 13 1/2 hours last night, and took a nap for over an hour this afternoon. Have only been out of bed for about 9 1/2 hours today, but need to get to bed as soon as possible due to the exhaustion.


2013/04/04 18:25 Thursday

Another day of being exhausted. Went ahead and took the time to do 20 miles on the trainer, though, since I will be able to sleep in tomorrow. Averaged 17.5 mph, which is faster than usual.

Had a bit of a problem this evening, but was able to fix it. The water didn't stop running after I flushed the toilet a while ago. Turned out that the clip that holds the chain to the flush lever was skewed, which was shortening the reach of the chain and preventing the flap from sealing. Adjusted the clip, and that took care of the problem. Thought for a time that I was going to have to get a maintenance guy to fix it, which would mean having to get the apartment presentable first.

Am so tired I can't think straight. Am off to get ready for bed.


2013/04/03 15:45 Wednesday

Another day done. Nothing new.

Was just about to get ready for bed, then remembered I have to shower. Am too exhausted to stay up and do so, but don't have a choice since I didn't shower yesterday.


2013/04/02 17:45 Tuesday

Made it through the day. Am exhausted, as usual.

Was talking to someone in the warehouse a while back, and she said that at times she has problems with vertigo. She goes to a chiropractor for an adjustment, and the vertigo goes away for a time afterward. I made an appointment today with her chiropractor. I will be going in on Friday. I am taking Friday and Monday off from work to do spring cleaning in preparation for the annual apartment inspection. I really need to get housekeeping done, but I am going to take the time to see if the chiropractor can help me with the dizziness. It is worth a try.

I am wondering if there is more than one thing wrong with me. Maybe the dizziness is caused by one thing, and the exhaustion is caused by another.


2013/04/01 14:15 Monday

Have a cycling club leadership meeting this evening. Am going to lay down and rest for a while, then get up and shower. I normally don't shower on Mondays, but some higher-ups in the IT food chain are going to be visiting tomorrow, and I want to put my best foot forward. Glanced at rgj.com, but probably won't have time to read any other news today.


2013/03/31 17:15 Sunday

Wanted to get my ride done early today, but when my downstairs neighbor called, she said she hadn't slept at all last night and she was going back to bed. The noise of the trainer would likely have disturbed her, so I put off the ride. I thought about riding laps around Virginia Lake instead of riding the trainer, but didn't feel up to the challenges by the time I got ready to ride. It is very likely that I will crash at times when I start riding on the road again, as I am no longer used to unclipping my feet from the pedals at the right time.

This morning, I showered, did laundry, and took out the trash. Felt like a heathen doing chores on Easter Sunday, but they needed to be done. After finishing those tasks, I laid down for an hour and 15 minutes. The world spun when I laid down, and I was having balance problems when I got up. That was another reason I rode the trainer instead of riding on the road.

Someone at work told me that she has vertigo at times, and a chiropractor is able to relieve her symptoms. I am going to find out who she goes to, and see if maybe he can help me.

Did the normal 20 miles on the trainer, and averaged 17.0 mph.

Will be going to bed soon. Am on the shift that starts at 5am this month, and the alarm clocks will start ringing early in the morning.


2013/03/31 10:10 Sunday

Happy Easter.

Was in bed for a little over 12 hours last night. Didn't sleep the whole time, though. It took over an hour before I was able to fall asleep, and then I stayed in bed in a fog for what was probably an hour or so after I first woke up this morning. Am exhausted, as usual.


2013/03/30 17:05 Saturday

Did 20 miles on the trainer. My average speed was faster than it ever has been for my 20-mile trainer rides. It was 17.6 mph. I am thinking that one factor in how fast I can pedal is how tight against the tire the resistance unit on the trainer is. It would seem that the tighter the resistance unit is against the tire, the harder it would be to pedal. Even if that holds true, though, that isn't the only factor.

Came very close to riding outdoors today. The weather is so nice that I really want to be outside. I'm thinking that I will go ahead and try riding outdoors one of these days soon, and just hope the dizziness won't cause me to crash.

Went to Squeeze In for brunch, then went to Costco for gas and a few items. The store was packed.


2013/03/30 10:00 Saturday

Yesterday was Good Friday. I am ashamed to admit I hardly thought about that at all.

Slept about 13 hours last night.


2013/03/29 19:40 Friday

Am getting to bed late. Am in a fog of exhaustion, and have been all day. Despite the fog, I decided to ride the trainer after work. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 16.8 mph. The weather was so nice that I really wanted to ride on the road, but didn't dare due to the dizziness and loss of balance issues.

Have to finish getting ready for bed before I shut down completely.


2013/03/28 17:50 Thursday

Nothing new. Exhausted and having difficulty functioning. Exceedingly bitter about everything in life.

Need to get my affairs in order, but don't have the energy.


2013/03/27 18:00 Wednesday

Exhausted, as usual. Still having difficulty functioning, including at work.

Don't know where to go from here regarding my medical problems.

Am off to get ready for bed. Can't even stay up long enough to finish scanning the news.


2013/03/26 18:10 Tuesday

If I do muster the courage to kill myself, I am going to write an obituary beforehand that specifies that my death was due to suicide. I wonder if that would make it into print.


2013/03/26 18:00 Tuesday

The neurologist called yesterday evening to let me know the results of the tests. He doesn't see any indication of a neurological problem. I'm at the end of my rope. I am to the point at which I can barely function, and no doctors have been able to determine what is wrong with me.

I worry about what will happen to Hope kitty when I die, whether it be by my own hand or due to my body shutting down of its own accord.


2013/03/26 17:05 Tuesday

My sleep was restless again last night. My ability to function is being impacted severely by the exhaustion.

Have to shower now and then get to bed as soon as possible.


2013/03/25 17:30 Monday

It is getting harder and harder to function at work due to the exhaustion.

Am too tired to finish scanning the news. Have to get ready for bed now.


2013/03/25 06:15 Monday

It will be a hard day today. My sleep was very restless last night.


2013/03/24 17:25 Sunday

Another day of being out of bed only about 8 1/2 hours. Don't know how long I was out of bed yesterday, but it was likely around the same.


2013/03/24 13:15 Sunday

Was in bed for 14 hours last night. Woke up after about 12 hours, got up, and immediately realized that I was too exhausted to be up. Went back to bed and laid there in a fog for another couple of hours.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Really struggled, but finished with an average speed of 17.3 mph again. Early on, my average was on the high side of 17.3, but I wasn't sure I would be able to finish at that pace. By ten miles into the ride, I was fading badly. By 15 miles, I wasn't sure I could even finish the 20 miles. Managed to hold on somehow.

Need to shower and then do laundry. That will take up the rest of the day. There aren't enough hours in the day, due to my having to sleep so much.

Am feeling exhausted, weak, and dizzy. Maybe my body will shut down and die. That would be a blessing.

My life doesn't count for anything that matters, and I don't care. If God would grant me one wish, it would be for death in the form of absolute and eternal oblivion.


2013/03/23 17:50 Saturday

Slept 14 hours last night. Have been tired all day.

Went to Costco this morning for gasoline and to pick up a couple of bags of cat food for the Nevada Humane Society. After that, I went to Trader Joe's for protein powder and a few other items. Had lunch at Squeeze In. Saw several cyclists on the way there and back. I miss being able to ride on the road.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. It was a struggle to ride, but I pushed myself and ended up averaging 17.3 mph. Don't know how I managed to average that pace.

Hope kitty has been very much in need of attention lately. Don't know why she has been needing so much attention. At least she lets me sleep.

Usually, my attitude is one of having a bitter hatred of life. Today, at times I have noticed a weariness of life more so than bitter hatred.


2013/03/22 16:40 Friday

Too exhausted to ride this afternoon. Too tired even to finish reading the news. Have been home from work for only about an hour and 45 minutes, but have to get ready for bed already. Just can't function. Maybe I won't have to muster the courage to off myself. Maybe my body will just wear out and die.


2013/03/21 17:50 Thursday

Made it through another day of work. Life is a grind, day after day. I really need to muster the courage to off myself.


2013/03/20 18:05 Wednesday

Made it through the cycling club meeting last night. Dinner and social hour starts at 5:30, and the meeting starts at 6:30. The club president makes announcements, and then we have a guest or a member do a presentation. I went for dinner, and almost left before the meeting began because I was so tired and dizzy.

Have to shower tonight. Am so exhausted that I don't know how I will make it through that.


2013/03/19 16:40 Tuesday

There is a cycling club meeting this evening. I'm going to go, but might be sorry, given the exhaustion I have been facing.


2013/03/18 18:30 Monday

Got to thinking about it, and realized that I spent only 8.5 hours out of bed each day on both Saturday and Sunday. This is no way to live.

Am too tired even to finish reading the news. Have been home from work for only 2 1/2 hours, but am going to get ready for bed now. My hair is not yet dry from showering, but I am not even going to take the time to dry it. I just don't have the energy.


2013/03/17 16:50 Sunday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 17.2 (not 16.2) mph. Don't know why I was able to ride faster today.

Have been awake for only about 7.5 hours, but am exhausted and am going to get ready for bed now.


2013/03/17 13:40 Sunday

Took my friend Dan out to the Island Buffet at the Peppermill last night. That was a mistake. I should have taken him to a regular restaurant. The bill was $60 plus the tip. That was $20 more than I was expecting. The last time I took him to that buffet, I had a free dinner voucher and it was $20 for the additional dinner. I think it was more last night because last night was a weekend night. The last time, we went sometime between a Sunday and a Thursday, because those were the nights the voucher was good for.

Paid bills today. Lost cause.

The weather is so nice that I really want to ride outdoors, but I don't dare.


2013/03/16 17:40 Saturday

Went back to bed for about 2.5 hours, but am still exhausted.


2013/03/16 14:30 Saturday

Haven't been out of bed for even five hours, but am absolutely exhausted.


2013/03/16 13:25 Saturday

Slept about 12.5 hours last night. Was still so tired, though, that I laid in bed for about another hour before getting up.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.5 mph. Was really struggling.

Am taking a friend out to dinner tonight for his birthday. Because he has to work today, we won't be going out until about 6:30pm, so I will need to nap this afternoon.


2013/03/15 19:15 Friday

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 16.3 mph. Just didn't have the energy to ride any faster. Really wanted to ride outdoors because the weather was so nice, but as always, didn't dare to do so. Have been too woozy.

Am too exhausted to think. Am off to finish getting ready for bed now.


2013/03/14 18:00 Thursday

Stayed up long enough to read the news. Am exhausted. Need to get ready for bed now.


2013/03/13 19:35 Wednesday

Have a neurologist appointment after work tomorrow, and then a haircut after that. It will be a long day. I am on the 7-3:30 shift this month, but will be going in to work at 5am since I will need to leave early for the doctor's appointment. Probably won't even have the energy to read the news after getting home.


2013/03/13 18:45 Wednesday

Went to Costco after work. Came home, read the news online, and ate. Now I need to shower, but I am so exhausted, I don't know how I will make it through that. There just aren't enough hours in the day to take care of even the basics of life given the exhaustion I face.


2013/03/12 19:40 Tuesday

One of my coworkers is being a jerk. Perhaps I should approach him and try to smooth things over, but I hate confrontation, and it is easier to let his behavior push me ever closer to suicide. Suicide is my ultimate goal anyway. I don't want to turn to my boss for help, either, as based on history, my boss would blame me for his temper tantrum. It is better just to let the situation push me toward my ultimate goal.

Went to the chiropractor today. My leg is still painful at times, most especially in the mornings. There isn't anything the chiropractor can do. It will just have to heal over time.

Have to get ready for bed now. Even though I am on the 7am-3:30pm shift this month, it is past my bedtime.


2013/03/11 18:55 Monday

Am exhasted, as usual. Had a dental cleaning appointment after work, and am running late in getting to bed because of that.

Also as usual, I loathe life. Someday I'm going to have to get up the courage to end my life.


2013/03/10 13:30 Sunday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 17.3 (not 16.3) mph. I don't know why some days I am able to ride at a faster pace than on other days. I don't feel any better today than I have on any other day.


2013/03/09 17:45 Saturday

Managed to do 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.7 mph.


2013/03/09 12:55 Saturday

My downstairs neighbor is a pain in the neck. Yesterday, I had barely gotten inside the door when she called me to get help registering her digital camera online. It was a simple process, but she couldn't figure it out. This morning, she called because she received a popup saying it was from Norton Antivirus. It had my email address and wanted my password, supposedly to complete the registration process. I have her computer on my three-computer license, and recently renewed. According to her, the popup doesn't allow for closing the window, which leads me to believe it is fake. She probably has a virus, and I really don't want to deal with her or her computer.


2013/03/08 15:55 Friday

Too tired to ride yet again. Haven't even been home from work for two hours, and it isn't even four o'clock yet, but I am going to get ready for bed now. Am absolutely exhausted.


2013/03/07 17:35 Thursday

Too tired to ride again today. Need to shower and get to bed.

New neighbors are moving into the apartment next door to mine. They are loud. I hate noise. Just one more reason to loathe life.


2013/03/06 18:30 Wednesday

Had a psychistrist's appointment after work. Had to wait 25 minutes after my appointment time.

Am utterly exhausted, as usual. Am going to get ready for bed now.


2013/03/05 17:50 Tuesday

Woke up in the middle of the night last night and was awake for at least an hour, and probably much longer. It is getting harder to function at work due to the exhaustion.

Have to shower and then get to bed.


2013/03/04 17:00 Monday

Am off to the cycling club leadership meeting. Will probably be too tired to post anything afterward.


2013/03/03 16:55 Sunday

Struggled on my trainer ride again today. Thought about stopping at 15 miles, but managed to hold on and finish the 20 miles that was my goal. Averaged 16.4 mph.

Have had trouble sleeping the last couple of nights. Have fallen asleep easily enough, but have awakened in the middle of the night and laid there unable to sleep for a couple of hours.

Am still having trouble with the leg that started hurting after the chiropractor did the back adjustment. The pain is excruciating at times, but at other times it is bearable. Ibuprofen helps, and thanks to that, I am able to ride.

I hate life with every fiber of my being.

Will be in bed by 5:30pm this evening. Will have to be up later than usual tomorrow evening, though, as there is a bicycle club leadership meeting tomorrow evening that doesn't start until 5:30pm. Am thinking about resigning my position as the ride coordinator.


2013/03/02 17:00 Saturday

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 16.2 mph. Was struggling. My only goals were to finish the 20 miles and keep the average at or above 16.0 mph.

Am exhausted, as usual. Will be in bed by 5:30pm.


2013/03/02 10:20 Saturday

I long fervently for absolute and eternal oblivion. I cannot imagine how consciousness could ever be tolerable, even in heaven. I cannot imagine how human interaction could ever be worth it, even in heaven. Much of human interaction pushes me toward suicide, and at best, human interaction is barely tolerable. I want utter and complete annihilation of my consciousness, and I want it now.


2013/03/01 19:00 Friday

Almost forgot to post tonight. Am tired, and it slipped my mind until I was almost ready for bed.

Did 20 miles on the trainer this afternoon. Averaged 16.6 mph. Struggled to keep up that pace.

Am too tired to think. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2013/02/28 16:30 Thursday

Went to the chiropractor this afternoon. Yet another medical bill that I can't afford....

Was in bed by 4:30pm yesterday, but have still been tired all day. Am too tired to ride. Am going to shower and get to bed as soon as possible. Am hoping to be in bed by 5:30pm.


2013/02/27 15:50 Wednesday

Today is my Christian birthday. On February 27th, 1999, my pastor led me in a dedication of my life to Christ.

Went to the neurologist's office today. He will be running tests.

Am absolutely exhausted. Didn't get enough sleep last night. At about 1:20am, some inconsiderate moron drove through the parking lot with his stereo blaring at an unbelievable volume. Didn't fall soundly asleep after that; just drifted in and out of sleep to the extent that I did sleep. Hope to be in bed by 4:30pm this afternoon.


2013/02/26 18:20 Tuesday

Am going to get to bed late. Still have to shower.

Took my co-worker to the doctor, then went by Costco to pick up a prescription and milk. Scanned the news online very quickly. There aren't enough hours in the day, especially given how much I have to sleep in order to survive.


2013/02/25 19:00 Monday

Got a late start on my ride today. Went to the gynecologist's office after work. Am going to try a different HRT to see if I can get rid of the hot flashes that seem to be becoming more frequent. They wake me up at night, and I need more sleep. Being female is a curse that I hate with every fiber of my being.

Almost didn't ride due to fatigue, but might not be able to ride for the next three days, so I wanted to get a ride in today if at all possible. Tomorrow, I won't be able to ride because I will be taking my co-worker to the doctor. Wednesday, I have the appointment with the neurologist. I might be done there in time to ride, but I don't know. Thursday, I have an appointment with the chiropractor. Might be able to ride after that; will have to see.

Did 15 miles on the trainer. Had a surprisingly good ride even though I was tired. Averaged 17.3 mph (that is 17.3, not 16.3 mph).

Now I need to get ready for bed. It is late, and I am tired.


2013/02/24 16:20 Sunday

Had a very rough night last night. Woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep for quite some time. Finally fell back asleep, but then woke up again early.

The chiropractor has told me to walk quite a bit, so this morning, I went for a walk around the apartment complex even though I was very tired. After about 15 minutes, I thought I was going to fall asleep while walking. Came home and went to bed for about two hours. After that, I went to Costco.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. As sometimes happens when I am tired, I had a fairly good ride. Was somewhat dizzy on and off, but averaged 16.9 mph.

Am very exhausted. Am going to shower and then get to bed as soon as possible.


2013/02/23 15:50 Saturday

Started out the day by paying bills. It is a lost cause. I keep going further and further into debt. At least I can make my payments, though.

Went to Braido's for brunch. After eating, I laid down for about an hour. Was still tired when I got up, but was fed up with just laying in bed.

Not long after getting up, I did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 16.4 mph. Was dizzy for most of the ride, and thought about quitting at 15 miles, but held on and met the goal of 20 miles.

Am doing laundry now. Will be finishing it later than I would like, but wanted to get it out of the way today.

Went to Eclipse Running yesterday. Found out that Chuck, my former brother-in-law, is in good spirits. He had been in ICU, as he had a bad reaction to some medication they gave him, but he is back in Oncology now. I have been praying for God to give him physical, emotional, and spiritual strength. He isn't a believer, so I have also been praying that he will come to know God during this experience.


2013/02/22 18:55 Friday

Was struggling to stay awake at work this morning, but started feeling a little better as the day went on.

My back and hip are doing better today.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 16.2 mph. Was dizzy for almost the entire ride. Just tried to hold on and finish the goal of 20 miles without dropping below an average of 16 mph. Managed to do that, but barely.

I've said this before, but I don't see how I can go on like this much longer.

Will be going to the neurologist on Wednesday. Maybe he will be able to shed some light on my health problems.


2013/02/21 16:15 Thursday

Am having serious hip pain, probably from the back adjustment done by the chiropractor. Sometimes it takes painful time for the body to adjust. Went back to the chiropractor today, and he did electrical stimulation again and also did ultrasound. Am going back next Thursday. Tuesday would have been better, but I have a commitment to take the coworker who had open-heart surgery to the doctor that day. She can't drive yet.

Will be going to the Kietzke Lane open house this evening. Should probably skip it and go to bed early, but I want to put in my two-cents worth.


2013/02/20 17:05 Wednesday

Have been exhausted all day. Have been in a fog. Would like to do a ride, but instead I am going to shower and get to bed as soon as possible. Won't be able to ride tomorrow, either, as I have a chiropractor appointment right after work, and then will be going to an open house at Wooster HS dealing with the Kietzke Lane changes. It has been advertised to the bicyclists in town, as there may be bicycle-friendly upgrades.

My oldest sister just called to tell me that her ex-husband was diagnosed last week with leukemia. I have kept in touch with him over the years, as he owns Eclipse Running, and that is where I get my electrolyte drink mix and energy gels. Apparently the prognosis for recovery is good, but he will be in for a long, hard battle with chemo and probably a bone marrow transplant. I am in shock. I will be praying hard for him.


2013/02/19 16:45 Tuesday

Was really tired at work for most of the day, but for some reason started feeling a little better after lunch. Went to the chiropractor after work. He gave me electro-stimulation, did a back adjustment, and told me to do some stretching exercises. Will be going back on Thursday.

Have decided to go to the cycling club meeting after all. Hope I don't get too tired to drive home safely.


2013/02/18 17:40 Monday

Didn't ride today. Am way too exhausted. Wanted to go to bed at 4pm. Read the news and ate, though, instead of going to bed. Then I showered. I usually shower on Tuesdays, and not Mondays, but I might not have time to shower tomorrow night. Am going to the chiropractor right after work, and then might go to a cycling club meeting. Might be too tired to go to the meeting, though. It starts at 5:30pm and will likely go until 7:30 or 8pm. With the way the exhaustion has been affecting me, it is looking doubtful that I will be able to attend.

Am going to the chiropractor because my lower back is still very painful at times, especially in the mornings.

I really hate life. That is nothing new, but the exhaustion makes it worse.


2013/02/17 17:45 Sunday

Am just now getting to bed. Ended up doing odds and ends tasks, and staying up later than I wanted to.


2013/02/17 12:55 Sunday

Managed to do 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 16.5 mph, but at least I put in the miles. Now I need to shower, and then do laundry. Will probably go to bed very early tonight.


2013/02/17 10:40 Sunday

Am having another rough day. Slept a little over 12 hours, then after being up for two hours, had to go back to bed for an hour and a half. Didn't feel like getting up then, but was fed up with laying in bed in a fog. Might or might not be able to ride. Have to do some laundry some time today.


2013/02/16 17:55 Saturday

Today has been a rough day. Have been exhausted. Was planning on treating myself to a Braido's sandwich after work, but was so exhausted by the time I left that I came straight home and went right to bed. There wasn't anything that happened at work that made me tired; I was just drained. Was in bed for about two hours and 45 minutes, but it took a while before I fell asleep.

Did 20 miles on the trainer after I finally dragged myself out of bed. Averaged 16.9 mph. Went ahead and listened to the rest of the sermon by the irritating guest speaker. At one point, he said he had five minutes left, but I looked at the time remaining in the sermon, and there was 17 minutes to go. One thing I did admire about him was that he wasn't afraid to speak out about Islam and the passages in the Koran that call for the killing of those who do not follow Islam.


2013/02/15 18:40 Friday

Tired again today, as usual.

Got a late start on my trainer ride. Had a haircut appointment at 3pm. Should have scheduled it at 2pm, as we leave work at 1:30 on Fridays. Wasn't thinking when I scheduled it. Came home, gave Hope kitty lots of attention as usual, gave her the usual canned food mixed with dry food, and then scanned the news quickly before going for the haircut. On the way home, I had a dizzy spell, so I wasn't sure I should ride, but wanted to anyway.

Did 20 miles at an average speed of 16.8 mph. Settled in at 16.7 mph early on, but was struggling, and didn't pick up the pace much. I usually pick up the pace the further I get into the ride, but didn't today until the last few miles, and even then, I didn't pick it up much and had to force myself to pick it up as much as I did.

I have been listening to sermon archives during my rides. About halfway through today's ride, the sermon I started listening to during yesterday's ride was over, and the next sermon was by a guest speaker who irritates me. I thought about skipping that sermon, but went ahead and listened. I still have 26 minutes in the sermon. I haven't decided whether to finish listening to it during tomorrow's ride or skip the rest of it.

Am getting to bed late. That isn't good, as I have to be at work at 5am tomorrow.


2013/02/14 17:35 Thursday

Have been tired today, but not as bad as yesterday.

Stopped by the bank on the way home for quarters. Need them for laundry.

Did 15 miles on the trainer. Averaged 17.0 mph. Started feeling dizzy before I had even done four miles, but was determined to finish the 15 miles that was my goal. Early on, my average was 16.9 mph, but when I started feeling dizzy, I slowed down a little. Ended up picking up the pace some, though, and that was enough to finish at 17.0 mph.

Will be working this Saturday. A department of the warehouse will be working, and there needs to be IT coverage. They will be working Saturdays on a regular basis for a while, and the three of us who are IT techs will rotate coverage. It will be hard to miss a day off, but I am thankful to be able to get the overtime pay.

Need to shower and get to bed ASAP.


2013/02/13 17:25 Wednesday

Am absolutely exhausted. Am going to get ready for bed very soon.

Didn't ride today. Rode the last six days in a row, so today was a rest day. Last Thursday, the first of the six days, might not really count since I only rode ten miles, but I was too tired to ride today anyway.

After work, I went to Costco for gasoline and a few grocery items. Also picked up two 20-lb bags of cat food and took them to the Nevada Humane Society. Costco has a brand of cat food that costs only $10 per 20-lb bag, so it doesn't cost much to donate a couple of bags to NHS every month or so. After those errands, I picked up some GU energy gels and some Cytomax sports drink powder at Eclipse Running.

There were more layoffs at work today. IT wasn't affected, as we are employed by a different entity within the company than the warehouse workers, but I live in fear of losing my job. With my criminal record, it would be a miracle if I were to be able to find another job other than a minimum wage one. God has helped me to rebuild my life, but it could all fall apart again in a moment. Frequently and fervently, I give thanks for my job and pray that I won't lose it.


2013/02/12 17:55 Tuesday

Slept a little better last night. Wasn't quite as tired at work today.

Called my coworker, and she had a doctor's appointment this afternoon, so I didn't end up visiting her. She suggested I visit her in a few days.

Did 15 miles on the trainer this afternoon at an average speed of 16.7 mph. Will be trying to do 15 miles instead of ten on the weekdays when I do ride. Ten just isn't enough to speak of. Assuming I continue to make progress in feeling better, I will pick up my mileage in the future.

Need to shower and get to bed. It is late.


2013/02/11 18:35 Monday

Woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep. Probably got about seven hours of sleep, but that wasn't enough. Have been in a fog of exhaustion all day. Went ahead and rode, though. Did 15 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.6 mph. Have been limiting my weekday rides in recent months, when I do ride on weekdays, to ten miles, but that isn't much of a workout. Planned on doing ten this afternoon, but figured I would probably change my mind during the ride and do 15 miles. That is because a new sermon was posted, and I wanted to listen to the whole sermon. Due to the exhaustion, I wasn't sure I would feel up to doing more than ten, but I started feeling better during the ride.

I am blessed to be able to listen to sermons downloaded from the Internet.

Didn't visit my coworker today. Waited until the afternoon to call her, as I was having a bad day and didn't really want to talk, and when I called her, I got voicemail. Let her know that I was exhausted and wouldn't be able to visit her. Maybe I will visit her tomorrow.


2013/02/10 18:05 Sunday

Spent quite a bit of time reading the Bible this afternoon. Finished Romans and read all of 1 Corinthians. I have to admit that I don't understand much of what Paul writes, but at least I am trying.


2013/02/10 14:30 Sunday

Oh, how I hate shopping. Really needed to get some new shoes for work, as I have been putting that off for too long. Went to the mall, thinking I could pick up some basic white tennis-style shoes there. Went to a number of stores without success. Finally gave up and went to Famous Footwear. Found a style that was acceptable, and thankfully they had it in my size. They had two pairs, and I bought both. That will last me for a while.

After that traumatic shopping experience, I went to Walgreen's. Wanted to pick up some regular SoftSoap hand soap. I have been using the SoftSoap antibacterial, but it has triclosan, and I read recently that triclosan may be bad for cardiac health. Unfortunately, not long ago I bought a four-pack of toothpaste that I just discovered has triclosan. I haven't opened it yet, and haven't decided if I will use it or not. I doubt if I still have the receipt, but Costco would probably take it back regardless.

Still need to pick up milk within the next few days, but after dealing with being at the mall, I wanted to get back home as soon as possible. Will probably run by Costco on Tuesday.


2013/02/10 11:40 Sunday

Averaged 16.7 mph for this morning's 20-mile trainer ride. My early average was 16.5 mph, but my pace was hovering between 16.4 and 16.6 for the most part. Decided I would shoot for a final average of 16.5, but would be okay with 16.4 mph. Ended up picking up the pace, though, as I usually do.

Slept about 12 hours last night, then got up, drank coffee, ate, and read the news. Tried to do Bible study, but was too exhausted to concentrate. Finally gave up and went back to bed for about 45 minutes. Didn't sleep, but really needed the extra rest. Am still very tired, but if I let the exhaustion dictate what I do, I would never get anything done.

Now I have to shower and then run a couple of errands.


2013/02/09 16:40 Saturday

Went to Squeeze In for lunch, then called my coworker in the hospital to see if see wanted me to visit her. She said she was exhausted, and didn't feel up to having visitors. I was glad that I didn't have to go see her. I'm just not a social person. She will probably be going home tomorrow. She wants me to visit her at home on Monday. I don't want to, but probably will anyway.

Did laundry this afternoon. It is good to have that out of the way.

Am very tired. Might do some Bible study before bed, but might not. Am so tired I don't think I would be able to concentrate. I don't want to go to bed yet, but am too tired to do anything.


2013/02/09 11:10 Saturday

Averaged 16.8 mph for the 20 miles on the trainer this morning. As usual in the last several months, I didn't have any speed goals going into the ride, as I haven't been able to estimate in advance how much stamina I will have. Early on today, my average was holding steady at 16.6, and I didn't want to drop below that average. Then the average went up to 16.7, and I wasn't sure I could maintain that pace, but wanted to try to hold on and finish with that average. Then the average got to 16.8 mph, and that is what my overall pace was at the end. I am thankful that I am doing better.


2013/02/09 08:40 Saturday

Did my taxes this morning. Will be getting a $739 refund. Will be putting that toward medical bills.


2013/02/08 17:45 Friday

Was exhausted all day, and left work an hour early. Went by the hospital on the way home to visit a coworker who had open-heart surgery on Tuesday. Left work early in part because of that and in part because I wanted to try to get a ride in despite being so tired. Figured the earlier I left work, the better my chances of getting in a ride.

I almost didn't ride because of the exhaustion, but my stubborness prevailed. I'm glad I did ride. My only goal going into the ride was to finish my standard 20 miles for a Friday, and I didn't start out fast, but as I rode, I picked up the pace. Finished up with an average of 16.6 mph.

Based on my rides yesterday and today, I have hope that the Saphris might work out. I am hoping that the exhaustion is residual from the insomnia that the Fanapt caused and from the Fanapt itself.


2013/02/07 17:45 Thursday

There may be light at the end of the tunnel. I am cautiously optimistic. I have felt slightly better today. I did ten miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.8 mph, and didn't feel as though I was pushing myself at all. I am surprised that I was able to maintain that pace without much effort.

I don't know how long it takes for Fanapt to clear out of one's system, but I suspect it will take at least a week. That is why I am surprised that I already felt a little better today. I am still congested, and still have back pain, although the back pain is not nearly as bad this evening as it has been. I am tired, but feel a little stronger than I have for a while.

Last night, for a time I thought I had wasted $180 on the Saphris. About an hour after I took it, I started feeling somewhat strange. I don't know how to describe it. I suppose "restless" comes as close as I can get. It wasn't very bad, but even so, I wasn't sure I would be able to tolerate the Saphris. However, I slept well, so I went ahead and took my morning dose this morning. I didn't have any problems, thankfully, and as noted, I actually felt a little better today than I have felt in a long time.

It is getting late, and I need to be at work at 5am. Had better get ready for bed.


2013/02/06 18:45 Wednesday

It just keeps getting worse and worse. The psychiatrist prescribed Saphris, and a 30-day supply at Costco was $180 even with a $20 off coupon. If I stay on that med, I will get it from the insurance company's mail-order pharmacy, which would reduce the price to $200 for a 90-day supply. I will have to make a decision within about two weeks whether or not to order a 90-day supply. I cannot afford the meds and other medical bills; I just keep putting them on credit cards. I don't have a choice. The only choice I have is whether or not to kill myself. Would that I had the courage to do it now.


2013/02/05 19:00 Tuesday

Didn't ride today. Went to College Cyclery right after work and spent quite a bit of time there. Picked up a bicycle water bottle to use for laundry detergent. Bike bottles are much easier to carry to the laundry room than large containers of detergent. I found a new laundry detergent for my cycling gear online and have ordered some. It is "No Sweat," and it is supposed to be very good. I have been using Penguin Sport Wash, but I think the No Sweat might work better.

Talked to Randy and Amy, the husband-and-wife owners of the bike shop, for quite some time. They have been concerned about my health, and I finally told them that I have bipolar disorder and that the meds might be causing the problems.

Am looking forward to going to the psychiatrist tomorrow. Can't wait to stop taking Fanapt. I hope the doctor doesn't want me to taper off of it or overlap meds for a time. I am at the end of my rope.

Came home, read the news online, ate, showered, and now it is way past my bedtime.


2013/02/04 18:35 Monday

I don't follow sports much, but sometimes I think that my wanting a sports team to win, or a player to do well, guarantees the opposite result. I wanted the 49ers to win the Super Bowl, for Colin's sake, and I would like to see Tim Tebow do well. I do read about cycling races a lot, but I don't favor any one rider above others. I will say that I dislike Bradley Wiggins, last year's Tour de France winner, as he has a very foul mouth.

Did an easy ten miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.0 mph. Didn't even want to think about pushing myself. Just wanted to make it through the ride.

My health problems are exceedingly discouraging. There is no hope in sight.


2013/02/03 16:30 Sunday

Am not getting to bed as early as I had planned. Had to make the bed, and was putting that off. Finally got it done, and am going to get ready for bed now.

I hope Colin leads the 49ers to a Super Bowl win, as he is a religious man.


2013/02/03 14:35 Sunday

After riding, I showered, then did some laundry. Am exhausted, and am unsteady on my legs. Will likely go to bed quite early tonight.


2013/02/03 11:10 Sunday

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Really struggled, but averaged 16.2 mph. Was averaging 16.1 mph for most of the ride, but picked up the pace somewhat for the last few miles.

Had a dream last night about the pastor of the church I was attending when my life fell apart. We were talking in the foyer of the church. Someone appeared a slight distance away, and the pastor didn't want that person to see him talking to me. For some reason, the pastor then simulated baptizing me, not once, but twice. Dreams are strange. It is always very poignant when I dream that we are talking to each other.


2013/02/02 18:00 Saturday

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Rode a little faster today than I have in a while. Averaged 16.4 mph. I never feel good, including when riding, but sometimes I am able to push myself harder than at other times.

The congestion makes it hard to sleep most of the time. I usually cannot breathe through my nose, and breathing through my mouth dries out my mouth and throat. Sometimes I wake up unable to breathe because the dryness has closed off my throat. I keep a water bottle by my bedside, and have to drink from it at times.

Also, the insomnia is problematic. I sleep for a few hours, then wake up and cannot get back to sleep for hours. Sometimes I go back to sleep eventually, depending on when I have to get up.

I will be glad to stop taking the Fanapt. I am at the end of my rope. I don't know how I will even make it until Wednesday.


2013/02/02 14:10 Saturday

Splurged and went to Squeeze In for lunch. Went by myself. Felt guilty for leaving Hope kitty alone. When I was going out the door, she was trying to go with me. I was gone longer than I wanted to be. By the time I drove out there, waited for my food, ate, drove back, then went to Costco for gasoline, I had spent quite a bit of time.

Read the Bible using Logos on my Windows box this morning and on my iPhone while waiting for my food. Haven't tried out any of the new features yet. Am reading in Romans.

Am thinking that the back pain might be another side effect of the Fanapt. Muscle pain has been known to be a side effect of it. Am definitely going to switch meds on Wednesday when I see the psychiatrist. Between the nasal congestion, insomnia, and possibly the back pain as side effects, I can't deal with it any longer. I don't think those issues are going to go away while I am taking it. I still have the dizziness and fatigue, also.


2013/02/01 18:45 Friday

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.1 mph.

Did a crossgrade from Logos 4 to Logos 5. I had thought that the only way to get the new features of Logos 5 would be to upgrade to a more extensive base package, but the base packages with the new features were out of my price range. Did some research, and discovered the "minimal crossgrade" package. It has the new Logos 5 features, and didn't require doing an upgrade to a new base package. Have downloaded the new version, but won't be trying it out tonight. Need to get to bed before long. It is past my bedtime.


2013/01/31 16:45 Thursday

Life is unbearably discouraging.

Did ten miles on the trainer again today. Averaged 16.1 mph. Didn't feel up to riding today, either, but did it anyway.

Called the maker of Fanapt today and asked if the congestion might go away, and if so, when. They said that side effects can take 4-6 weeks to go away. I don't know if I can wait that long to see if the congestion goes away.

Need to shower and then get to bed.

Am tired of being tired. I simply do not want to go on living like this. I've said that many times before, though. Somehow, someday, if things don't get better, I am going to have to get up the courage to end my life.


2013/01/30 18:10 Wednesday

Did a very easy ten miles on the trainer. Averaged 15.9 mph. Didn't really feel up to riding, but wanted to get at least some exercise.

My back has been getting worse. The problem is limited to very low in my back. If I move wrong, it is painful and it freezes up on me. I took a couple of doses of aspirin at work today, and I picked up some ibuprofen after work. That seems to be helping.

The nasal congestion still comes and goes. I am about to give up on the Fanapt and try something else.


2013/01/29 16:35 Tuesday

Romans 8:5-8 (NASB95):

5For those who are according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who are according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit.
6For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace,
7because the mind set on the flesh is hostile toward God; for it does not subject itself to the law of God, for it is not even able to do so,
8and those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
I do not spend enough time setting my mind on things of the Spirit. I spend too much time dwelling on my health and other problems.


2013/01/28 17:25 Monday

Went to the eye doctor's office after work. He gave me contact lenses today that are stronger for distance vision. They aren't as good for close-up as the last pair, but I haven't needed to wear reading glasses to read from my computer screen. I will carry a pair to read small print as needed.

My back is still painful at times from the bowling.

The nasal congestion still comes and goes. I don't know if it will go away, or if I will have to give up on the Fanapt and try a different med.

Had insomnia again last night. Slept soundly for a few hours, then woke up and couldn't get back to sleep for a couple of hours.


2013/01/27 14:10 Sunday

Romans 5:3-5 (NASB95):

3And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
4and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;
5and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Would that I could live up to those inspirational verses.


2013/01/27 13:40 Sunday

Back to the grind of work tomorrow. Weekends are never long enough to recover from the work week.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Started off at a good pace, but wasn't able to maintain it during the middle part of the ride. Picked up the pace again for the last few miles, though. Ended up averaging 16.4 mph.


2013/01/27 10:40 Sunday

What a disaster. I wanted an omelette, but instead of going to Squeeze In alone, I invited my downstairs neighbor. That was a mistake. I could barely tolerate her right off the bat on the drive out there. Then, Squeeze In was packed. The wait would have been 30-45 minutes. I didn't want to wait that long. My neighbor wanted to cook me an omelette, but I couldn't stand being around her, so I declined. She tried a few times to get me to accept, but there was no way I was going to put up with her for any longer than absolutely necessary.

Had a bout of insomnia again last night. Slept for about 7 1/2 hours, then was awake for about two hours. Finally got back to sleep for about three more hours.

My back is sore from the bowling on Friday evening.


2013/01/26 16:20 Saturday

Skipped going to Squeeze In. Maybe tomorrow.

After finishing the laundry, ran errands. One thing I did was pick up some batteries for my bicycle computers. I change them out once a year instead of waiting for them to fail, for a couple of reasons. Got them all changed out.

Did 20 miles on the trainer. By the time I got started, I was tired and not feeling well. Struggled during the ride, but still managed to average 16.0 mph.

The nasal congestion comes and goes. Took the Claritin the first night I bought it, but didn't take it last night. It didn't seem to help much the night I did take it, and besides, I want to see how it goes without taking it.


2013/01/26 08:05 Saturday

Got an early start on the day. Woke up after about nine hours of sleep. Read the news and drank coffee, then started laundry. Am planning on doing a ride on the trainer today, and also running some errands. Might go to Squeeze In for an omelette after the laundry is done.


2013/01/25 18:10 Friday

Am so tired that it is perhaps a miracle that I made it home safely and without mishap. My driving was impaired by exhaustion.

Almost didn't bowl because I was so tired, but decided to go ahead and participate anyway. Didn't do very well. My scores were 96 and 112. I used to bowl a lot in my teens, but haven't bowled much in my adult years.

Am off to get ready for bed. Had insomnia last night after sleeping about four hours. I hope I sleep better tonight.


2013/01/25 15:30 Friday

Am off to the bowling get-together.


2013/01/24 16:35 Thursday

Wanted to get in ten miles on the trainer today, but wasn't able to. I need to get to bed as early as possible. Didn't sleep well last night. Slept fine for about 5 hours, but then woke up and couldn't get back to sleep.

Spoke with the psychiatrist today. The nasal congestion seemed to lessen somewhat today, so I am going to stay on the Fanapt for a time and see if that side effect goes away. In the meantime, he recommended taking a congestion remedy. One of the remedies he mentioned was Claritin, so I picked up some of that on the way home. He also said I could take melatonin while taking Fanapt, which might help with the insomnia. I had been taking it 2-3 times a week, and will probably go back to taking it at that frequency.

Also went by REI on the way home. I needed a new lunch bag, and noticed that someone whose computer I was working on had an REI lunch bag. I never would have thought to go to REI for that, but they had a display of them, and I picked one up there.

If I hadn't run those two errands after work, I might have been able to get in ten miles on the trainer, but maybe not, given that I didn't sleep well last night.

There will be an IT get-together at 4pm tomorrow at the Grand Sierra Resort bowling alley. I haven't decided yet whether or not to bowl, but I will be going for the pizza even if I don't bowl.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2013/01/23 15:40 Wednesday

Poor Hope kitty was terrified by the vacuum cleaner. She took off running when I brought it out of the spare bedroom. She seems to have recovered from the trauma, though.

Went ahead and did ten miles on the trainer. Before the ride, I thought about doing 20 miles, as it was still fairly early. However, due to being so tired, I decided to do just ten miles. Accordingly, I just prepared one bottle of Cytomax sports drink; for 20 miles, I mix up two bottles. I figured I could do 15 miles if I felt up to it; even with just one bottle, I wouldn't have gotten too thirsty. Much to my dismay, though, I struggled throughout the ride, and was barely able to finish ten miles. Averaged only 15.8 mph.

Am planning on going to bed no later than 4:30pm. Will probably be awakened by a call from the psychiatrist, though. I emailed him on Monday, but haven't received a response, so I called today and left word asking him to call me. The nasal congestion from the Fanapt hasn't gone away, and I want to ask him if there is any chance it will. If it doesn't go away, I will have to try a different med. I cannot live long-term without being able to breathe through my nose.


2013/01/23 12:55 Wednesday

Slept fairly well last night. Worked only half a day today, as per my plan to come home early and clean. Cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom, and picked up some clutter off the living room floor. Had a pile of documents to be shredded. Put those in a bag and put the bag in the spare bedroom. Still have to vacuum. Might do a ten-mile ride on the trainer. I'm very exhausted, though, so I am more likely to skip the ride and go to bed by about 4pm.


2013/01/22 16:35 Tuesday

My apartment is a mess, and I have to get it cleaned up by Thursday morning. The apartment maintenance crew will be replacing the filters in the heaters in my building then. I am too tired to do any cleaning today, as I had a bad case of insomnia again last night. I will be in bed by 5:00 this evening. I will take off from work after half a day tomorrow. Hopefully I will get a good night's rest tonight and will be able to attack the mess tomorrow after work.


2013/01/21 17:15 Monday

The eye doctor has me trying out multifocal contact lenses. It seems strange to be able to read without glasses. I like it. I have been wearing contact lenses with reading glasses for a long time. I have astigmatism in my right eye, so it might not work out, but he said to give it a few days.

Sometimes I wonder what Hope kitty's life was like before she ended up at the Nevada Humane Society. She was a stray when she was taken in there, and she has a broken tail. I hope she hasn't suffered much in her life. She seems to be a well-adjusted kitty. I am thankful to have her.

Am tired. Will need to get to bed soon.


2013/01/21 13:00 Monday

Slept well last night. Got about 12 hours of sleep. Woke up at a little after 5am, and instead of trying to sleep longer, I went ahead and got out of bed. Have had a few things to do today, and didn't want to cut down on the time available to do what needed to be done.

The first thing I did after reading the news was pay my bills. That is a lost cause. I will never get out of debt. My medical bills alone are getting me down, not to mention the day-to-day expenses.

After paying bills, I did a 20-mile ride on the trainer. Was struggling, but still managed to average 16.3 mph. Now I am washing a load of cycling gear. Then, at 3pm, I have an eye doctor's appointment.


2013/01/20 15:20 Sunday

Had a bad case of insomnia last night. Just laid there in a fog for hours on end.

I had thought that the nasal congestion I have been experiencing was due to a cold, but then discovered that nasal congestion is a fairly common side effect of the medication I am now on for the bipolar disorder. I will email the psychiatrist tomorrow and see if he thinks the congestion will subside over time. Constant nasal congestion is something I cannot live with on a long-term basis.

Have been in the mood for an omelette, so I went to Squeeze In this morning with my downstairs neighbor. Will probably start going there by myself. After going to Squeeze In, we went to Costco to have her put on my membership so that she can shop there.

Did 20 miles on the trainer this afternoon at an average speed of 16.4 mph.

Will be going to bed early today. Still need to shower, but will be going to bed very soon after that. Am hoping to be in bed by 4:30pm.


2013/01/19 17:40 Saturday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.2 mph.

Am going to get to bed later than I would like to. Got a late start on the day, as I slept until about 9:30am. Read the news online, went to Costco, did the ride, and the day is now shot.

Last night, I managed to drag myself out of bed for the Lance interview. I don't like Oprah at all, but as I noted yesterday, I am a bit obsessed with the Lance news.


2013/01/18 17:30 Friday

Left work early again today, but only an hour early. Am still trying to shake off the cold, and the mental fog from the illness makes it hard to concentrate. We have MLK Day as a holiday from work this year, so we have Monday off.

Did ten miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.1 mph.

I'm a bit obsessed with the Lance Armstrong news. I didn't stay up last night to watch the streaming video of the interview, but have been reading about it and have watched some clips. Am going to try to get some sleep soon, and then try to get up in time to watch tonight's segment. It is hard to understand how someone could live a lie such as he did.


2013/01/17 15:15 Thursday

Slept 11 hours last night, and thought that I would be able to make it through the work day given that I had more rest than I usually get during the week. Couldn't make it, though. I left early yet again today, as I started feeling very foggy about mid-morning. By the time I left, I felt as though I could barely function. I didn't feel very safe on the road, as my concentration was lacking.

Even though I felt exhausted and barely able to function, I went ahead and did ten miles on the trainer. Averaged 15.9 mph. Didn't want to push myself very hard, but was able to keep up that pace without too much trouble despite the exhaustion and the effects of the cold.

Am going to shower and then get to bed ASAP. I need sleep.


2013/01/16 14:55 Wednesday

Left work early again today. Have been so tired that I am dizzy and am having trouble concentrating, and also, I haven't been able to fight off the cold. Slept only about 5 1/2 hours last night. The cycling club meeting lasted longer than I had expected it to. By the time I went to bed, it was 9:30pm, and the morning alarms started going off at 3am.

Stopped by Braido's for a sandwich on the way home from work today. Ate half of it when I got home, then read some news online. Waited a while for the food to digest, then did an easy ten miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15.5 mph.

Am planning on going to bed no later than 4pm. Am hoping that I will be able to sleep instead of just laying in bed half-awake.


2013/01/15 16:15 Tuesday

My sister from Austin posted on Facebook today that she had run four marathons in 35 days. That intensified my bitterness about life. Growing up, and even after I was no longer competing on teams, I was always the athlete in the family. My sister didn't even start running until her late 20's. Now, she is running marathons, and I am barely able to function well enough to make it through a work day, much less train hard.

Wasn't able to sleep when I laid down an hour or so ago, so I might as well go to the club meeting rather than lay in bed, steeping in bitterness and unable to sleep.


2013/01/15 14:40 Tuesday

There was an employee (oh, excuse me, we are Team Members now, not employees) appreciation lunch at work today. The company had Famous Dave's cater it. Upon getting my food, I found an empty table, sat down, and stuck my nose in my iPhone. Much to my horror, before long a Maintenance employee saw me and said to the guy who was with him, "Let's sit with Mishelle." I said to him, "I'm just going to keep reading my iPhone." He asked me what I had said, and I repeated myself. He then said, "We'll sit here and bug you." He has done similar things in the past, and he just doesn't take hints that I want to be left alone.

Left work early today. Am tired and am still trying to fight off a cold. There is a cycling club meeting this evening that I will probably go to even though I could use the time for sleep. I will lay down for a while before the meeting.

Slept well last night. Went to bed at about 5pm, and was asleep a little after 5:30. Got up once at about 10:30 because nature called, and fell asleep again without delay. Slept until the morning alarms started going off at 3am.


2013/01/14 16:30 Monday

Had a serious insomnia problem last night. Laid there for hours on end in an awake but brain-dead state. My guess is that I slept no more than 2 1/2 hours.

Left work 1 1/2 hours today. Wanted to leave earlier, but there was a conference call I needed to be on at 11am.

Am coming down with a cold. They say moderate exercise helps people get better from colds, so I went ahead and did an easy ten-mile ride on the trainer. Averaged 15.2 mph. Was averaging 15.5 until about six miles into the ride. At that point, I started feeling very dizzy and wasn't even sure I would be able to meet my goal of ten miles. I slowed way down after that.

Need to get ready for bed asap. Am hoping to be able to sleep tonight.


2013/01/13 17:20 Sunday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.7 mph. Another ride with a surprisingly fast average speed... Within the first couple of miles, I had settled in at that average, but as usual, I have been tired today, and because of that, I wasn't sure I would be able to maintain that speed. My goal at that point was 16.6 mph, but I managed to hold on and average the 16.7 mph.

As I was eating the leftovers of my omelette after the ride, I noticed something else to complain about. The Swiss cheese I ordered wasn't even real cheese. It was a liquified Cheese-Whiz type of processed cheese.

Have to shower and get to bed as soon as possible. Didn't get nearly enough sleep last night. Went to bed at about 6:40pm, and just laid there in a fog for over four hours. Then, a reminder on my iPhone woke me up at 9am.


2013/01/13 14:20 Sunday

Just went to the Red Hut Cafe with my downstairs neighbor. It was a disappointment from the very start until the very end. First, the accoustics are awful, making the noise level high. Then, it took a long time before anyone even came over to ask us what we would like to drink. A while after we had gotten our water, someone came to take our order. He didn't have an order book, so he wrote our orders on a napkin. The omelette selection wasn't very good, either, unless ordering a five-extra omelette. The omelettes came with hash browns, not cut potatoes, and I prefer cut potatoes. Worse, the omelettes and hash browns were disgustingly greasy. Something I noticed while we were waiting for our food was that the servers were not delivering food to everyone at a table at the same time, and sure enough, my omelette was delivered about five minutes before my neighbor's. When we were done and asked for to-go boxes, the first boxes that the employee brought us were way too small. Then, when we went to the register to pay, the cashier asked how everything was. I replied, "Very greasy." She responded, "Good greasy?" I said, "No, bad greasy. Very bad greasy." She didn't respond to that. Then, after we had paid and were leaving, the cashier didn't even say thank you. I will never go back there. From now on, I will stick with Squeeze In for omelettes.

I told my downstairs neighbor that I do not cook, and that if I can't microwave something, I won't eat it. She then suggested that she should start cooking for me. I told her yet again that I need as much time alone as possible, and that because of that it wouldn't work out for her to cook for me.

Am going to do a trainer ride before long.

Am dreading going back to work tomorrow. Spending a lot of the day at the Christmas tree recycling event yesterday has made my weekend seem very short.


2013/01/12 17:30 Saturday

Averaged 16.5 mph for the 20-mile trainer ride. Am surprised that I was able to maintain that pace. After a few miles, my average was 16.4 mph. I didn't think I would be able to keep up that pace, due to being so tired, but I kept pushing myself. At the halfway mark, I was still at 16.4, and kept on pushing. Then, after a few more miles, my average had increased to 16.5, and I set it as a goal to finish with that average.

Will scan the news very quickly, and then get ready for bed. Am looking forward to being able to sleep in tomorrow.


2013/01/12 14:55 Saturday

Volunteered this morning at the KTMB Christmas tree recycling event at Rancho San Rafael. A group of us from work were there. It was 13 degrees F when we started at 9am, and it was still only 26 degrees when we finished at 1pm. Based on the weather forecast, I was concerned that I would be very cold, as I do not tolerate cold well. I put on a lot of layers, including layers of cold-weather cycling gear, and thankfully, I didn't get very cold at all.

Wanted to stop somewhere to pick up lunch on the way home, and ended up going to El Pollo Loco for a poblano burrito. After I had ordered the burrito and was stuck in the drive-through, it occurred to me that I could have gone to Braido's. I was kicking myself about that. I don't know why it didn't occur to me to go there until it was too late. The burrito was good, but I would rather have had a sandwich from Braido's.

Am going to do a ride on the trainer soon. Am very tired, but don't want to allow my health problems to control my life any more than is unavoidable.


2013/01/11 17:40 Friday

The freeway between Panther Valley and Stead Boulevard looked like it was covered with black ice again this morning. That surprised me. Took it slow, and didn't have any problems, thankfully. Also, I am thankful that it didn't start snowing in earnest until after I was home from work this afternoon.

Did 20 miles on the trainer this afternoon at an average speed of 16.2 mph.

Am very tired. Need to get ready for bed ASAP.


2013/01/10 17:10 Thursday

Driving on the freeway this morning was dicey. There was a lot of what looked like black ice. I took it slow, and thankfully didn't have any problems.

The morning was trying at work. I arrived early and went to a break room. Really just wanted to hang out by myself, but a coworker from another department was in the break room and wanted me to sit with her and talk. I sat there for about 15 minutes, which was 15 minutes before I had to clock in, and then excused myself. I then went and hid out in my office. Then, after I clocked in, a third-shift coworker from my department came into my office, sat down, and talked to me for about 15 minutes. Then in the morning meeting, my boss started off the meeting by complaining for a long time about one of his kids. I just don't like conversation.

Am going to get to bed late again this evening. After work, I had to do some checking regarding a financial assistance program for the new psych med I will be taking, and then had to go to Costco to pick up the scrip. It took a while there, as they had to bill the financial assistance program before I could pick up the meds.

When I got home from Costco, I read the news online and ate. Now I have to shower. Then I will be able to collapse into bed.


2013/01/09 18:10 Wednesday

Went to the psychiatrist after work. Am going to try a different medication. Am worried about doing that, as it is possible that the new med won't work as well as the old med. However, it is looking more and more as though the psych med may be causing my health problems.

I made an appointment with a neurologist today. The appointment is for February 27th. That is the soonest they could get me in as a new patient. If I start feeling better after being off the old psych med, I will cancel the neurologist's appointment.

Am getting to bed late again tonight, and I need to get up even earlier than usual because 1-3 inches of snow is being predicted for the valley floor tonight, and thus I may have to drive to work slowly.

Am exhausted.


2013/01/08 18:10 Tuesday

Had a gynecologist's appointment after work. The doctor was late getting back to his office after surgery, so I had to wait a long time. Then I had to take Hope in to the vet for an antibiotic shot. Her white cell count was elevated somewhat, for an unknown reason.

After that, I read the news online and ate. Now I have to shower. It is already way past my bedtime, and I am exhausted, but I didn't shower yesterday, so I have no choice but to shower tonight.


2013/01/07 15:10 Monday

Have a cycling club leadership meeting this evening. It starts at 5:30pm. I won't get enough sleep tonight because of that, and I didn't get enough sleep last night because I was awakened three times by pages to the on-call cell phone. Found out this morning that even hourly employees don't get paid for being paged unless we have to do something such as log on to the on-call laptop to troubleshoot. That really makes me angry. Being awakened three times in the middle of the night ought to be worth something.


2013/01/06 16:20 Sunday

Did 20 miles on the trainer. Was expecting to struggle, due to my having been so tired today, but the ride actually went well. Had a better ride than I have had in a long time. Averaged 16.4 mph.

Need to shower and get to bed before it gets too late.


2013/01/06 12:45 Sunday

Took Hope kitty to the vet this morning. She hasn't been eating very much for the last week to ten days. She has been eating about half of what she usually eats. Maybe I should have tried changing brands of food first, but given what happened with Faith the cat, I didn't want to wait any longer before having Hope kitty checked out. She has lost a little weight, but not too much. Her temperature was normal. The vet couldn't find anything wrong with her, but he is doing bloodwork to make sure she is okay. He is sending it to a lab instead of doing the analysis in-house, as the lab has more sensitive equipment. I will be able to get the results tomorrow evening or Tuesday morning.

Had thought Hope kitty might hide under the bed when we got home, but she didn't. I gave her even more attention than usual, which she indicated she wanted.

Am doing a couple of loads of laundry. I did laundry last week, and usually do laundry every other week, but I needed to wash towels. I have a lot of towels, so I don't wash them every time I do laundry, but when I do need to wash them, I don't do them at the same time as the rest of my laundry because I can carry only so much laundry at one time. Am also washing cycling gear, as I had quite a bit of that to wash. I don't like letting too much cycling gear laundry pile up, as I hang-dry it, and only have so many places to hang it.

Am hoping to be able to do a ride on the trainer after finishing the laundry. Have been exhausted all day, but really want to get in a workout. I don't want to allow my health problems to keep me from doing at least some exercise. I am stubborn.


2013/01/05 15:30 Saturday

Have been trying to read the Bible, but am too exhausted to concentrate. Am going to get ready for bed now, but will likely wait until 4:30pm to go to bed. Even 4:30 seems too early, but if I can't function, I might as well go to bed.


2013/01/05 14:00 Saturday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15.7 mph. Struggled to keep up that pace.

Didn't see Hope kitty for quite some time, and was worried. I looked under the bed for her before the ride, but didn't see her. Figured she was probably behind some boxes. Thought she would probably come out before too long. Still didn't see her after the ride, though. I had decided to move the boxes so I could find her, but when I lifted the down comforter to get it out of the way so I could get underneath the bed, there she was, on the bed underneath the comforter. The comforter is so puffy that I couldn't tell she was there until I lifted it up.

Am going to go to bed early today. Will probably be in bed by 4:30pm.


2013/01/05 07:10 Saturday

Was paged at about 5:30am. Didn't have to do anything other than call the IT guy who was overseeing the Maintenance guys who were doing the electrical cutover and ask him to acknowledge the page. Since I am hourly, I will get paid for 15 minutes. Big deal. Fifteen minutes of pay doesn't make up for being awakened. I went back to bed, but couldn't sleep. Laid there for about an hour and finally gave up on getting back to sleep.

Am having bloodwork done at 9:45 this morning, so I can't even have coffee or eat breakfast.

I really hate life. I loathe life. With every fiber of my being, I want absolute and eternal oblivion.


2013/01/04 18:50 Friday

Got home from work at 2pm, then went to a 3pm haircut appointment. After that, I did a ride on the trainer. Was tired, but really wanted to do a workout. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 15.7 mph. Am getting to bed late, but hopefully will be able to sleep in tomorrow. I have an appointment for bloodwork at 9:45am, but I will likely wake up before the alarm goes off at 8:30am despite getting to bed late. I don't usually sleep all that late on the weekends. I usually go to bed very early, though. Unfortunately, I might be awakened by a page at about 5am. I am on call this week, and some electrical work is being done tomorrow morning that will cut power briefly to a network switch. The switch itself being down won't generate a page, as checking of the switch has been disabled, but the interfaces being unreachable might. I am still very ticked off about having to be on call, and if I am awakened at 5am, that will rub salt on the wound.


2013/01/03 17:05 Thursday

Stopped by REI after work to pick up some cycling socks, then went to Costco for gasoline and a few grocery items. The gas station was packed when I drove by to go to REI, but it wasn't too bad as I was leaving REI, so I went ahead and stopped. By the time I was finished filling up my tank, the gas station was really packed. Costco was really packed too.

One thing I picked up at Costco was a couple of 20-lb bags of cat food for the Nevada Humane Society. Dropped them off before coming home.

Am exhausted, as usual. Need to shower and then get to bed. It is getting very late in the day for me.


2013/01/02 16:55 Wednesday

The doctor's appointment went about how I expected it to. The doctor said that I had already taken all the steps that he would have me take except changing the psych meds. He ordered bloodwork, but doesn't really expect that it will reveal anything. I agree that changing the psych meds is what needs to be done, but it is unnerving to face doing so, given the possibility that a different med might not control the bipolar disorder. I cannot go on being exhausted all the time and having vertigo, though, so I will try a different med.

Am exhausted, as usual, so I am off to bed.


2013/01/01 15:45 Tuesday

My two major accomplishments for the day were to get the trash taken out and to do a ride on the trainer. Slept for about 13 hours last night, then after being up for about four hours I went back to bed to rest. Laid there in a fog for not quite an hour and a half, then got up and did the ride. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 15.5 mph. Was really too tired to ride, but did it anyway. Now I'm going to shower and then go to bed.

Have a doctor's appointment for my annual physical tomorrow. It is with a different primary care physician than I was going to.


2013/01/01 09:10 Tuesday

Thankfully, either there were no fireworks, or they didn't wake me up. When I did wake up this morning, I was too tired to get up for a while, but finally got up despite being tired. Was just laying there steeped in thoughts of how much I want to die. Needed to distract myself from the angst of being alive.


2012/12/31 18:15 Monday

Happy New Year.

Because I will be able to sleep in tomorrow instead of going to work, I went ahead and did a ride on the trainer after work this afternoon. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 15.8 mph.

My mileage on the various bikes was 3774.58 miles for the year. That isn't all that much, but given my health problems, it isn't too bad.

Will be going to bed soon. I think there will be fireworks, and I hope they don't wake me up.

Hope kitty behaved a little better this evening as I was eating the second piece of leftover chicken that my neighbor sent home with me. I had to get very firm with her a couple of times, but didn't have to shut her up in the bedroom as I did last night.

Had better get ready for bed right away. Am starting to feel dizzy.


2012/12/30 17:35 Sunday

Am getting to bed later than I wanted to. After finishing my laundry, I did a ride on the trainer, even though I was tired and I knew it would mean getting to bed late. Did 20 miles at an average speed of 15.5 mph.

Have been suffering from indigestion a lot in the last several weeks. I often have gastric reflux while riding. One more ailment to put up with....

After the ride, I warmed up a piece of chicken that my neighbor gave me to bring home yesterday. Hope kitty was very interested in it. Had to shut her up in the bedroom so that I could have peace while eating it.

Am on the 5am-1:30pm shift for a month starting tomorrow.


2012/12/30 11:55 Sunday

Had a rough night last night. Was half-awake for much of the night, and was experiencing serious vertigo. The vertigo eased up some by morning, though.

Got dressed and went to Costco for gasoline, then stopped by the Super Burrito drive-through and picked up something to eat.

Now I am doing laundry.

Life is full of drudgery, and there isn't anything that would make my life worth living.


2012/12/29 15:55 Saturday

Read the Bible for about 45 minutes, then gave up and went to bed. Laid there for only about 45 minutes, though. Worries about my job and my debts kept me from resting. I also worried about how to plan for Hope kitty's wellbeing if I were to follow through with suicide.


2012/12/29 13:15 Saturday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15.5 mph.

Need to do laundry either this weekend or on New Year's day. Am not going to get it done today; just don't feel up to it. Really don't feel up to doing anything.

Might do Bible study, or might take a nap. Will try Bible study, but might not be able to focus due to being tired.


2012/12/29 10:20 Saturday

Slept about 14 hours last night. Was in bed for about 15 hours, but had trouble falling asleep. Have been up for a little over two hours, and am so tired I just want to go back to bed.

Am going to try to ride the trainer today.

My downstairs neighbor is having me over for dinner tonight. I really don't want to go. Am planning on doing an eat-and-run.


2012/12/28 16:00 Friday

Worked a full day today, from 5am-1:30pm. Thought about leaving at 11am, but by then I was already too tired to do a ride, so I figured I might as well stay at work.

If I am going to kill myself, I will need to plan ahead for the wellbeing of Hope kitty.

Am off to get ready for bed now.


2012/12/27 16:30 Thursday

Left work at 1pm instead of staying until 3:30pm. It has been slow, and I was hoping to get in a ride on the trainer. I ate lunch and started reading online while my food digested. By about a quarter after two o'clock, I knew that a ride wouldn't be possible. I was already way too exhausted, and I still had to shower before bed.

Cannot, and will not, go on like this much longer.


2012/12/26 16:25 Wednesday

Just found out that the echo-cardiogram was normal. That is good news.

I have been losing my balance a lot this afternoon.

Glanced at my part of the various medical bills on the insurance company website. I might as well just give up and kill myself.


2012/12/26 15:10 Wednesday

I am very ticked off at Deano's Automotive. I will never go back there. I was going to make an appointment for the 135,000 mile service at the dealership, but thought I would check Deano's first, as two of my neighbors swear by them. The dealership wanted $60 for the "Schedule 1" service and $130 for the "Premium" service. Scott at Deano's said that they would do everything in the Premium service for about $70. I didn't believe they would do everything the dealership listed, but decided to cut my expenses and take it to Deano's. Scott also said that it would take about 45 minutes for the service. I fell for his lies. I made an appointment, and went there after leaving work early. When I got there, he said it wouldn't take any longer than an hour. An hour and a half later, it was done, and he told me the bill was $137. I reminded him that he had told me that it would be about $70, and that the dealership would have done the service they did, and more, for $130. He cut the bill to $113, which was still considerably more than he quoted me initially. And to top it all off, the interior of my truck now reeks of grease. I am going to complain to the BBB or some other entity. I am also going to tell anyone who will listen that they should avoid Deano's.


2012/12/25 14:35 Tuesday

It is only about 2:30pm, but I am so tired I want to go to bed now. Will try to hold out until 4:30pm or so.

Had a pleasant surprise today. My sister's ex-husband Mike called to wish me a merry Christmas and to ask about my health.


2012/12/25 13:10 Tuesday

Merry Christmas.

Did 20 miles on the trainer yesterday at an average speed of 15.5 mph. Did 20 again today, with my average speed being 15.9 mph.


2012/12/24 10:40 Monday

Went to bed at about 4:30pm yesterday, but had trouble falling asleep despite having been exhausted. Just laid there in a fog for what was probably a couple of hours. Got up at about 3:15am, as I started work at 5am, and wanted to allow myself plenty of time to get to work due to the possibility of bad road conditions between here and Stead. Got to work without any mishap, although it looked as though the freeway was icy in places. I was talking to a co-worker, and he said he too thought there was black ice.

Worked only four hours today. Am thinking I am going to take a nap and then ride the trainer.


2012/12/23 15:35 Sunday

It's only about 3:30pm, but I am so exhausted that I want to go to bed now. I might just do that.


2012/12/23 15:25 Sunday

Downstairs neighbor just called. She invited me to dinner at her place tomorrow night. I told her I wasn't sure. I was honest with her. I told her yet again that I need a lot of time alone, and told her that I had been working a lot of hours lately. I will let her know tomorrow morning one way or the other. I really don't want to go.


2012/12/23 15:05 Sunday

Paid bills today. It's a good thing I have gotten some overtime pay.


2012/12/23 Sunday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15.9 mph.

Slept only about 12 hours last night. Am really tired today. At times during the ride, I closed my eyes for a while to rest in a way.

Something the senior pastor said during his sermon last Sunday made it sound as though he had preached the week before, but the sermon that was posted for that week was by an associate pastor. I'm confused about that.


2012/12/22 17:05 Saturday

Worked five hours today. Didn't have to be there until 7am, but left home early because of the possibility of bad road conditions between here and Stead. The roads were fine, though. They were wet, but not snowy. On the way home, it was snowing and the roads were slushy in places. I stayed in the slow lane and left plenty of distance between my truck and the vehicles in front of me. Had it in four-wheel-drive only part of the time.

Did a 20-mile ride on the trainer after getting home. Averaged 15.6 mph. Really didn't feel like pushing myself, but did so a little bit anyway.

After the ride, I took my downstairs neighbor to Kinder's as a thank-you for her having driven me to and from the doctor's office the other day.

Have been feeling dizzy and somewhat nauseous quite a bit today. Maybe if I get a good night's sleep tonight, I will feel better. There's always hope.

Listened to sermons while riding the trainer. It is good to be fed spiritually. Something I noticed in one of the sermons from a couple of years ago is that the pastor referred to the passage about there being many mansions in heaven, and he pronounced mansions correctly. I don't know why he has been pronouncing it with something akin to a French accent lately.


2012/12/21 18:40 Friday

The dizziness seems to be getting worse, but at least I didn't feel as tired today as yesterday.

Went ahead and did 20 miles on the trainer after work. Averaged 15.3 mph. Listened to a couple of sermons. When I started the podcast of the first one, much to my concern, it wasn't the senior pastor speaking. When I had seen the other day on the church's website that two new sermons had been posted, I hadn't looked to see who had preached them. I assume that an associate pastor preached in the senior pastor's place due to the senior pastor having health problems. In the second sermon, the senior pastor spoke of having had a relapse the week before, which concerns me greatly. I need to pray more, and pray more for him especially.

It was good to hear his words of wisdom.


2012/12/20 18:00 Thursday

Have to shower and then get to bed. Have been really tired all day. That is the norm now.

Have to be at work at 5am tomorrow. I am on the 7am-3:30pm shift this month, but we leave early on Fridays. We haven't done that for the last few Fridays due to the warehouse working longer hours, but it will likely be a short day tomorrow.

Will be working on Saturday. I will go in at 7am and we in IT will stay until the warehouse is done.


2012/12/19 18:30 Wednesday

Had the echo-cardiagram today after work. Won't have the results for a few days.

Correction to what I wrote yesterday evening at 19:10: I wrote that I always worry when sermons aren't posted soon after they are preached. What I am really worried about when they aren't posted soon after Sundays is that the pastor wasn't able to preach due to health issues.


2012/12/18 19:10 Tuesday

Can't sleep, despite being exhausted. The nausea has subsided, but I can't get warm.

I always worry when sermons aren't posted soon after they are preached.


2012/12/18 16:45 Tuesday

The ear, nose, and throat specialist is referring me to a neurologist. The test they ran indicates that the dizziness is not caused by an ear problem. The test made me very nauseated. I need to shower and then get to bed. If the nausea isn't better by the time I finish showering, I will try to find some anti-nausea medication from one of my surgeries. On second thought, I am going to look for it now and take it right away.


2012/12/17 18:40 Monday

Desperation strikes whenever I think about the fact that I will never have the money to retire. Desperation strikes every weekday morning when I think about having to face another workday. Desperation strikes every time I think about the possibility that further cuts could be made where I work and I could lose my job.

I guess I just don't trust God. There have been too many disasters in my life, including after I became a Christian.


2012/12/16 17:25 Sunday

Am amazed at what I wrote below. My words were, "Everything about being alive is just a pain in the neck." That was an incredible understatement. Everything about being alive is loathesome.

Am tired, and am going to get ready for bed now, but don't know if I will be able to sleep right away. Am steeped in a strong bitterness about life, and that might keep me awake.


2012/12/16 16:05 Sunday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15 mph. Had some chest pain afterward while eating. Am assuming it was due to indigestion. Have been having indigestion a lot lately.

If I die of a heart attack, someone should sue Renown.


2012/12/16 13:35 Sunday

Did laundry this morning. It was nice and quiet in the laundry room except for when I was getting my laundry out of the dryer. Then a woman came in with two very noisy, very obnoxious, and very unruly children. The woman kept telling the boy to "stop it," but he just ignored her.

Finished my Christmas cards and put them in the mail slot at the USPS contract station in my neighborhood. Am getting them out late, but better late than never.

Everything about being alive is just a pain in the neck.


2012/12/16 09:20 Sunday

Was in bed for 15 1/2 hours last night. Went to bed at 4:30pm and dragged myself out of bed at about 8am. Wasn't asleep the while time, though. Had trouble falling all the way asleep yesterday evening, and then in the morning, I laid there semi-awake from about 6:15 until I got up. Too bad I don't have the courage to end my misery.


2012/12/15 15:05 Saturday

Did a few Christmas cards, filled out the paperwork for the ear, nose, and throat specialist's appointment on this coming Tuesday, paid a bill, and took out the trash. Then I did a 20-mile ride on the trainer at an average speed of 14.3 mph. That is about as much as I am going to get done today. Will probably be in bed by 4:30pm. Will have to do laundry and finish Christmas cards tomorrow.


2012/12/15 10:00 Saturday

My mind is rebelling against doing the tasks that need to be done. I am exhausted and need down time. I just need to rest and recover from pushing myself to get through the work week.


2012/12/15 09:10 Saturday

I have a lot to do this weekend, as I have been putting off tasks due to being too tired to do them. I am still too tired to do the tasks, but at least I have two days off to try to get caught up. Am so tired, though, that I feel barely functional, even after about 12 hours of sleep. Would have slept longer, but Hope kitty woke me.


2012/12/14 18:40 Friday

Senseless tragedy.

Am very exhausted. Am thankful it is Friday. I don't have to work this weekend, which is good because I need a lot of rest, but not good because I need as much overtime pay as I can get to help pay my medical bills.


2012/12/13 18:35 Thursday

Showering is an utterly loathesome task. Then again, almost everything in life is a loathesome task. Riding isn't, but I am too exhausted to ride more than a token amount.


2012/12/12 18:45 Wednesday

The exhaustion is getting worse and worse.

The cardiologist says he is 100% certain that I do not have congestive heart failure. He based that on little more than listening to my heart. I will research it more when time permits, but I doubt that he would have been able to tell based on the exam he did. He said sometimes people get benign tumors in their hearts, and that can cause problems. He ordered an echo-cardiogram. An echo-cardiogram would likely show congestive heart failure if I do have it, so I am glad that he ordered one.


2012/12/11 17:45 Tuesday

Have been exhausted all day again today. Came home, ate, and read the news online. Wish I could go straight to bed now, but have to shower. Am really too tired to stay up any longer, but it isn't an option to skip the shower, since I didn't shower yesterday. Hope I manage to stay upright.

Tomorrow is the appointment with the cardiologist.


2012/12/10 18:20 Monday

Have been exhausted all day long.

Will be going to the cardiologist on Wednesday. Congestive heart failure is not something I want to have, but if I do end up being diagnosed with it, at least I will know what the problem is and hopefully steps will be able to be taken to minimize its effects.


2012/12/09 19:05 Sunday

Made it home from the cycling club holiday party without mishap. I don't like driving when I am this exhausted, as I believe that my driving is impaired by the fatigue. At least I didn't have any alcohol, as I don't drink.


2012/12/09 15:00 Sunday

Tina used to tell me how badly her girlfriend treated her, and told me several times that the relationship was over. I would have to say, given that Tina broke off contact with me after all I had done for her, that Tina deserves the bad treatment at the hands of her girlfriend. She has chosen to be mistreated by her girlfriend over my loyal friendship. C'est la vie.


2012/12/09 13:35 Sunday

Took the scenic route to and from Costco and drove around Virginia Lake. On the way back, I saw my former friend Tina and her girlfriend walking around the lake. They didn't see me, and I didn't do anything to attract their attention. I was already feeling very bitter about life, and seeing them intensified the bitterness even more. I don't miss Tina, but the fact that she broke off contact with me even though I had done so much for her really hacks me off.


2012/12/09 11:40 Sunday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.2 mph. Felt not too bad during the ride. However, after the ride, I was quite pale.

I wonder if I may consider myself saved. I no longer do anything that gives honor to God, no longer pray very often, and no longer read the Bible much. I listen to sermons while riding the trainer, but that is about as far as I go in my walk with Christ. I am a sorry excuse for a Christian.


2012/12/09 09:20 Sunday

My first set of Christmas cards that I ordered a couple of weeks ago didn't turn out very well. Finally got around to ordering a new set yesterday evening. They will be ready today. I ordered them from Costco. Don't know when I will ba able to get them sent out. The cycling club holiday party is today, and it starts at 4pm, so it is very unlikely I will get the cards out today. Am typically too tired after work to do anything other than read the news, eat, and shower, but I guess I'll just have to make time to do the cards within the next couple of days.

My downstairs neighbor told me last night that a Norton scan a few days ago found something besides tracking cookies and cleaned it off her computer. Of course, when I asked her what it was, she droned on and on, with the upshot being that she didn't remember what it was.


2012/12/08 16:40 Saturday

Talked to my neighbor again. The guy who remoted in probably was from Norton after all. I went down there and downloaded malwarebytes and superantispyware, then started quick scans using those two programs. Came back upstairs and did a trainer ride. Went back downstairs, and saw that the only thing found by the programs were tracking cookies. Started complete scans and came back upstairs. My neighbor will call me when the scans are done. She probably has a virus, though, not spyware or malware. At one point a week or so ago, she said something that indicated that Norton had been turned off, which could be the work of a virus. She is always hard to pin down on what actually happens, though, as one simple question always leads to an enormous amount of irrelevant information (using the term "information" loosely), no matter what the topic.

For the trainer ride, I did an easy ten miles. Averaged 13.9 mph. Was hoping to finish with a 14 mph average, but really didn't want to push myself. Was a little pale after the ride, but not too much so. The last time I pushed myself on a trainer ride, I was very pale afterward.


2012/12/08 13:10 Saturday

My downstairs neighbor has been having problems with the computer I gave her. It appears she has a virus. I cannot believe she did this, but she let someone have remote access to her computer. She said she thought he was from Norton, so she let him remote in, but then he tried to sell her something, which led her to believe that he wasn't from Norton after all.

I really don't want to deal with her at all. She irritates the daylights out of me. However, I feel obligated to put up with her and to try to help her, because I may need her help again.

Life really stinks.


2012/12/07 17:30 Friday

Was very busy at work today. Have been exhausted all day long. Have been home for about one-and-a-half hours, and am already going to get ready for bed. Have to be at work at 5am tomorrow.


2012/12/06 17:55 Thursday

Got a call from the cardiologist's office today. I will be going in on December 12th instead of December 21st.

Couldn't even think about riding today. Have been exhausted for most of the day.

Have been home from work for less than two hours, but am already going to bed. There aren't enough hours in the day when suffering from the exhaustion I face.


2012/12/05 18:30 Wednesday

Words cannot express how much I long for death in the form of absolute and eternal oblivion. Nothing will ever change that.


2012/12/05 17:55 Wednesday

Was too tired again today to ride.

Stopped by Costco for gasoline on the way home from work. The gas station was packed. People are very aggravating. They just take their own sweet time even when people are waiting behind them in line.

I am just not suited to life in this world.

Am exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2012/12/04 16:40 Tuesday

Was really busy at work again today.

Was hoping to be able to ride today, but am too tired. Am going to eat, shower, and go to bed.


2012/12/03 17:05 Monday

Today was non-stop at work.

Am off to a cycling club leadership meeting.


2012/12/02 17:10 Sunday

Was so tired today that when I arrived home from work, I thought about going to bed for the night in the early afternoon. Really wanted to ride, though, so after I ate and read the news, I took a nap. I set a timer for three hours to make sure that I wouldn't sleep all the way through the night, as I need to shower tonight. I slept for only a little over two hours, but slept so soundly that I didn't even wake up when Hope kitty crawled underneath the down comforter and made her way almost to my feet.

After the nap, I did an easy ten miles on the trainer. Averaged 13.4 mph.

Now I need to shower and get to bed.


2012/12/02 04:15 Sunday

Am on call this week. Received a call from the security guard at about 1:15am saying an alarm was going off in the computer room. It was due to a power hit, and didn't need to be reset immediately. I told the guard I would take care of it when I got there at 5am. Never did get back to sleep. I really don't want to have to be on call.


2012/12/01 16:40 Saturday

Laid down and rested for a couple of hours. Had some chest pain while laying there, but figured it was indigestion even though I wasn't having acid reflux at first. Some time after the pain started, though, I did start having reflux, and I am still alive, so I guess it was indigestion.

After resting, I did a very easy ten miles on the trainer. Averaged 13.2 mph, which put me three seconds shy of 45 minutes on the trainer. Listened to a sermon. It was inspiring. Will listen to it again the next time I ride the trainer. One thing that baffles me, though, is that the pastor keeps mispronouncing "mansion." He has done that in more than one sermon.

Had better get in the shower now and then hit the sack.


2012/12/01 12:40 Saturday

Might do a ride on the trainer this afternoon, depending on how I feel later. Right now, I'm quite tired, but maybe if I rest up, I will be able to do an easy ride.

Did seven loads of laundry this morning. Couldn't carry it all in one trip, so I started four loads and headed back to get the rest. By the time I got back, people were putting laundry in all the machines that were still open when I was there the first time. Had to wait until my first loads were done to do the remaining three loads. I hate doing laundry. It is drudgery. All of life is drudgery, though.

Took a 20-lb bag of cat food to the Nevada Humane Society after finishing the laundry. It was a bag I had bought even before Faith the cat passed away. I'm not sure why I bought it when I still had a lot in a bag I bought when I first adopted Faith. There was some reason that I can't recall. Anyway, the expiration date was April 2013, and I didn't think I would use it all up before it expired. I bought a bag yesterday for Hope kitty that has an expiration date of November 2013.

Have to work tomorrow. It will likely be a five-hour shift. Thankfully, since I am on hourly wages instead of salary, I will get overtime pay. I need all the hours I can get to help pay medical bills. The bills are really piling up.


2012/11/30 18:45 Friday

Was hoping to be able to do a ride on the trainer after work today, but decided to go to Costco instead since there was a break in the weather. Had planned to go tomorrow, but since rain is in the forecast, it seemed best to do my shopping today.

Have been experiencing intermittent pain in various areas of my torso for the last few days. Maybe my body is shutting down. As I lay in bed thinking about that last night, it got my hopes up that the end of my life may be near.


2012/11/29 18:45 Thursday

Nothing to report today either. Was hoping to listen to a sermon this evening, but as usual, am too tired. Came home, read the news, ate, showered, and read some more news. Now am off to bed.


2012/11/28 18:15 Wednesday

Was hoping to be able to do an easy 10 miles on the trainer this evening and listen to a sermon while riding, but fatigue prevented that. Have been home from work for only about 2 hours, but am going to get ready for bed now.

People with congestive heart failure are supposed to exercise within reason, so I am not going to stop riding altogether. However, I am probably not going to be able to ride during the work week due to being too tired. Of course, I don't know whether or not I do have CHF, but I am going to take it easy with exercise just in case.


2012/11/27 18:25 Tuesday

Nothing of substance to report today. Am still alive, for better or for worse, and that's about it. Came home, read the news, ate, and showered. Now am off to bed.


2012/11/26 18:05 Monday

The soonest I could get an appointment with the cardiologist was December 21st. I told the schedulers that I could drop dead by then, but the first one I spoke with didn't even offer to put me on a cancellation list. At least the second one put me on it. I called the PCP's office to see if they could do anything to expedite getting me in to the cardiologist, but they said they couldn't. I put forth a good faith effort to get treatment. If I die before I can get treatment, at least my blood won't be on my own hands.

When I got home, I ran into my downstairs neighbor. She started talking. I told her that I needed to get upstairs and call the cardiologist's office, whereupon she launched into a long monologue about a computer problem she was having.


2012/11/25 17:00 Sunday

Last night, when I first got to thinking that I might have congestive heart failure, I was initially scared. Before long, though, my death wish came to the forefront. I ended up praying that Christ would let my life be over. It would be a blessing for it to be over. I am still hoping and praying for absolute and eternal oblivion. Consciousness is just too painful, and I cannot conceive of how it could ever be tolerable, much less blessed, even in heaven.


2012/11/25 16:10 Sunday

When it comes down to it, I am too afraid of death not to seek treatment for what I believe to be congestive heart failure. If I weren't so afraid of death, I would have killed myself in 1968 or some time between then and now. However, I am hoping I will die in my sleep before I can get treatment. That would take it out of my hands.


2012/11/25 15:15 Sunday

Had a really bad day at work today.

Took my downstairs neighbor to the Squeeze In in south Reno for lunch after work. Am paying it forward. Might need her help again soon, given my medical issues.


2012/11/24 17:10 Saturday

Looked up the symptoms of congestive heart failure. It would surprise me very much if I don't have it. Will call the cardiologist's office first thing Monday morning.


2012/11/24 16:25 Saturday

Went by Costco and got a couple of 20-lb bags of cat food for the Nevada Humane Society. I do that once a month or so. Carried them in one at a time, as I didn't think it would be wise to carry 40 pounds at once this soon after the surgery. Even carrying 20 pounds seems to have caused a bit of a strain. As always, the people at NHS were appreciative.

Am tired. Am going to get ready for bed soon. Have to be at work at 5am tomorrow morning.


2012/11/24 13:55 Saturday

I wonder if the exhaustion is being caused by congestive heart failure. Maybe that possibility is why the PCP sent me to a cardiologist. I am going to call the cardiologist's office on Monday and see if they think I should make another appointment and maybe schedule some tests. My father died of congestive heart failure, and he first started having heart problems at a fairly young age. However, I lead a much healthier lifestyle than he did.


2012/11/24 12:00 Saturday

James 3:11-12 (NASB95):

11Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water?
12Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh.


2012/11/24 11:10 Saturday

Slept 14 hours. As usual when arising from bed, I didn't feel well-rested. By two hours after I got up, I was exhausted. Went ahead and did a ride on the trainer, though. Really struggled. Managed to hold on for 20 miles, though, and to meet my goal of averaging 16.0 mph.

Was invited for Thanksgiving dinner today at my friend's house; her father is feeling better, so they decided to have a belated Thanksgiving dinner today. I probably won't go. I have to work tomorrow, so I will need to get to bed early.


2012/11/23 16:25 Friday

Am not going to my sister's house for dinner. Am way too tired. Am so tired that it wouldn't be safe for me to be behind the wheel of my truck. Am going to go to bed right away.


2012/11/22 17:40 Thursday

I wonder what it would be like to have white teeth instead of tetracycline-stained ones, and what it would be like not to have acne.


2012/11/22 15:25 Thursday

Didn't really feel as though I had the energy to ride, but did 20 miles on the trainer anyway. Struggled, but managed to average 16.0 mph.

Something else I wonder about: I wonder what it would be like not to be steeped constantly in a bitter hatred of life.

My sister who lives in Reno called while I was riding. I didn't get off the bike to pick up the phone, but she left a message. She is planning on cooking Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow evening. I will probably go over there.


2012/11/22 12:50 Thursday

Went back to bed for two hours. Was about to get out of bed after about an hour, even though I was still exhausted, but then Hope kitty jumped on the bed and crawled underneath the covers with me. Decided to stay in bed for a while to cuddle with her.

While laying in bed, I started wondering about some things. I wonder what it would be like:


2012/11/22 10:35 Thursday

Am exhausted. Really want to do a ride, but may have to lay down and rest for a while first, despite the 16 hours spent in bed last night.


2012/11/22 09:10 Thursday

Happy Thanksgiving.

Was in bed for about 16 hours last night. Laid there half-awake for a while before I fell asleep, but was asleep for most of the 16 hours.

It is good that I turned off the ringer on my cell phone before going to bed. The friend whose family I usually eat Thanksgiving dinner with called. She left voicemail telling me that almost at the last minute, they had decided to cook dinner after all, but then decided not to because her dad came down with the flu.


2012/11/21 15:50 Wednesday

Really wanted to ride today, but am so exhausted that I am in a fog. Didn't get to bed until about 9:15pm last night, and had to be up at 3:45am to go to work. The alarms started going off at 3am, though, as I always have to hit the snooze buttons for about 45 minutes before I can drag myself out of bed.

I will be spending Thanksgiving alone with Hope kitty. That is the way I want it. I usually go to a friend's house for Thanksgiving, even though I really don't want to. Last I heard, she wasn't sure if her family would be cooking a Thanksgiving dinner, and I haven't heard from her in a while. My sister who lives in town is planning on working on Thanksgiving, but might cook a dinner on Saturday.

Am too tired to keep writing. Am going to bed. Have unplugged my landline and turned off the ringer on my cell phone. I don't want anyone waking me up with a Thanksgiving invitation.


2012/11/20 16:00 Tuesday

Won't be riding today. There is a cycling club meeting this evening. Will be getting to bed late because of that.


2012/11/19 18:20 Monday

Didn't ride today. For one thing, I got home late because I was on a wild goose chase for an OTC medication called Corisol that was recommended for the itching by the nurse at the gynecologist's office. I went to Walgreen's first, and couldn't find it there. I then sat in my truck looking for nearby pharmacies on google. I finally ended up going to Walmart, even though I despise Walmart. They didn't have it either. I came home and left voicemail for the nurse, but she didn't return my call before the office closed. I googled Corisol, and came up with only a very few sites that looked like what I was looking for, and two of them were in foreign languages. I gave up then. The nurse where I work had given me some A & D Ointment, and I put that on once I had put on an old T-shirt that I sleep in. That hasn't relieved the itching.

The other reason I didn't ride today is because I am flat-out exhausted.

The work day passed quickly. I had 601 unread emails in my inbox, so that kept me busy, and there were other things I had to take care of also.

I still want to kill myself to escape work. I just haven't mustered the courage.


2012/11/18 17:40 Sunday

It isn't possible to express how much I loathe my body because it is female, and consequently, how much I loathe showering.


2012/11/18 15:00 Sunday

Paid bills today. My financial situation is a lost cause. The medical bills are piling up.


2012/11/18 12:45 Sunday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15.6 mph. Today was the first day since the surgery that I have really worked up a sweat.


2012/11/18 10:35 Sunday

I really don't want to go back to work tomorrow. Somehow, someday, I am going to have to get up the courage to kill myself.


2012/11/17 13:05 Saturday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.2 mph. Slowly but surely, I am getting back to normal workouts on the trainer.

Have noticed a pattern that applies to some of my dizzy spells. When I am sitting at my computer desk with Hope the kitty on my lap, and I bend my neck to cuddle up to her with my head, then when I raise my head again, I get dizzy.

By googling, I discovered that vertigo can be caused by debris in the inner ear. My PCP said my ears are perfect, but I would like to have an ear, nose, and throat specialist check them. I was talking to the ex-husband of one of my sisters, and he used to work with an ENT at the Veterans' Hospital back when he was an ultrasound tech. I spoke with the cardiologist's office, and they are referring me to her. They had originally referred me to a different ENT, but they were fine with sending me to the one Chuck recommended. As a rule, I don't like female doctors, but since Chuck recommended her, I decided to give her a try.

My downstairs neighbor invited me to dinner. I couldn't think of an excuse to weasel out of it, so I will be going to her place for dinner. I really just want to be alone, though.


2012/11/17 08:15 Saturday

Woke up this morning wishing it were still night so that I wouldn't have to get up. I loathe life.

My incisions are itching like crazy. Tried putting lotion on them, even though the post-op nurse had said not to do that. Figured maybe it had been long enough that it wouldn't cause any problems. Lotion didn't help. Then I tried Cetaphil Cleanser. That didn't help. Then I wiped down the area with a wet washcloth. That helped some. I also slept part of the night in a cycling jersey. I use different laundry soap for my cycling gear, and I thought perhaps the itching might be due to irritation from the residue of my regular laundry soap. I have heard of people being allergic to the residue of some laundry soaps. Wearing the jersey didn't help at all.

I dread going back to work on Monday. I repeat: I loathe life. Words cannot express how much I loathe life.


2012/11/16 16:35 Friday

Never did make it to getting on the trainer today. Have just been too tired. Besides, I have done six days in a row on the trainer, if the five miles on Saturday counts. I'm not sure that five miles at a pace of six mph should count, even if it was within 36 hours after the surgery. I figure I'll do a couple of good rides over the weekend to make up for not riding today.


2012/11/16 09:25 Friday

Had trouble sleeping last night. One of the incisions has started itching almost incessantly. I ended up staying in bed later than usual this morning because of the trouble sleeping. That means I will be doing my ride on the trainer in the mid-afternoon instead of this morning. I have a haircut appointment in the early afternoon, and don't want to have to rush to get my ride in before that appointment. I am on my second cup of coffee, and want to take my time over it.

Am thinking I might do 20 miles on the trainer today.


2012/11/15 15:45 Thursday

Did 15 miles on the trainer this morning at an average speed of 13.6 mph.

Had my post-op follow-up at the doctor's office this afternoon. I have been released to return to work on Monday, with a restriction of lifting no more than 15 pounds until December 10th.


2012/11/15 07:15 Thursday

The Lance Armstrong Foundation is now officially the Livestrong Foundation. That is even more reason to support Livestrong.

Early this morning, my cat woke me up for some attention. I was half-awake and was petting her when the phone rang. It was a recorded message from the Washoe County Sheriff's Office. It was an alert that an aggressive pit bull was roaming loose in the neighborhood. The call came at about 5:45am. I wonder what happened. I hope no one was mauled.


2012/11/14 15:10 Wednesday

Lance Armstrong resigned from the board of Livestrong a couple of days ago and cut all official ties to the organization. He had already resigned as Chairman of the Board. To support Livestrong now that Armstrong has cut ties, I ordered some Livestrong wristbands. It is a small show of support, but it is something. With medical bills piling up, I didn't want to spend much money.

I downloaded a very old photo of Armstrong a while back that shows him in a race wearing a cross necklace. I read an article about him in Guideposts years ago, too. He was a Christian at some point, but I recall reading a quote from him a few years ago in which he said that if God existed, he would still have both nuts. Once saved, always saved?


2012/11/14 14:30 Wednesday

Did 10 miles on the trainer this morning. Picked up the pace some again; averaged 13.2 mph. I think I will do 15 miles tomorrow and keep the average at about 13 mph.

Have had a few dizzy spells today.

Did laundry today. Since I am not supposed to be lifting anything heavy, I carried each load to and from the laundry room separately. Did only three loads. It was even more tedious than laundry usually is. Also, even though the loads were not heavy, the length of time carrying them made me a little sore.

Did Bible study for quite a while before bed yesterday evening, but haven't done any to speak of today. As usual while riding the trainer, though, I listened to sermons. I plan to do some Bible study this evening.

Ordered my Christmas cards from Costco this morning. They are photo cards with a shot I took in Galena Creek Park while snowshoeing years ago.


2012/11/14 08:05 Wednesday

Woke up at about 5am, but was too tired to get out of bed. Finally got up at about 6:15am. At least I haven't been dizzy this morning. Have lost my balance a couple of times, though.


2012/11/13 17:00 Tuesday

The heater stayed off again today. It turned on at some point last night, but I didn't wake up enough to find Hope kitty and reassure her. She was probably under the bed where I wouldn't have been able to get to her anyway. I am thinking that tomorrow, I will turn up the thermostat while I am holding her.


2012/11/13 14:20 Tuesday

The dizziness is getting very bad again. So is the fatigue.


2012/11/13 13:50 Tuesday

Took a nap for a couple of hours. Am still tired.


2012/11/13 11:00 Tuesday

Did ten miles on the trainer. Picked up the pace some again today. Averaged 12.2 mph.

The dizziness was fairly bad earlier this morning. It eased up some when I was on the bike, though, and hasn't been too bad since then.

The abdominal pain has eased up, too.


2012/11/13 09:20 Tuesday

The pain has subsided some. Will be doing a ride on the trainer before too long this morning.

Had a dream about my "victim" last night. In the dream, there was a bond of love between us as we interacted. Dreams are strange sometimes. Unless I run into him again on the street, I am sure I will never see him this side of heaven. And even if I were to run into him again, his shunning of me when I did run into him makes it clear that there is no love to be found. As to the possibility of seeing him in heaven, I still yearn for absolute and eternal oblivion, not for heaven.


2012/11/13 07:15 Tuesday

I spend a lot of time at my computer desk while at home. That is where my only chairs are. As I have mentioned, Hope kitty likes to squirm on my lap while I am sitting. She often tries to wedge herself between the table and my abdomen. In doing so, she will press one of her back paws against my abdomen. Unfortunately, the spot where she usually places a paw is right where an incision is.


2012/11/13 06:55 Tuesday

Am in pain this morning. Strained my abdomen last night while rolling over in bed. Took an ibuprofen a few minutes ago. I hope that helps.


2012/11/12 18:05 Monday

For a couple of days, the dizziness wasn't as noticeable as it had been. However, I noticed it yesterday and today while riding, and also when just sitting a few times. The cardiologist's office called today and asked if I wanted them to refer me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist, or if I wanted my PCP to handle it. I asked them to go ahead and do the referral.


2012/11/12 17:50 Monday

Did some Bible study today, but not as much as in the last couple of days. The time got away from me today.

Am reading in Luke. There are many parables in Luke that I don't understand very well.

The heater never turned on today. I don't know if it turned on last night. If it did, I slept through it, which wouldn't be surprising. I turned the thermostat down to 62 last night, and didn't turn it back up today because I wanted to spare Hope kitty the fear of the heater noise as much as possible. I suppose she will get used to it eventually, though.


2012/11/12 12:35 Monday

Rode 10 miles on the trainer again today. Picked up the pace a little; averaged 11.1 mph.

Hope kitty seems to be back to normal now. That is a relief. I am thankful for that.


2012/11/11 17:50 Sunday

Did more Bible study today. It is good to have time to read God's Word.

Will be going to bed soon. I would have gone to bed earlier, but I need to take an ibuprofen at about 6pm. Actually, I should be taking it at 8pm, but am too tired to stay up. I am supposed to take one every eight hours, but have been taking them every six hours in order to accomodate my need to sleep at least twelve hours a night.


2012/11/11 16:15 Sunday

Leviticus 19:28 (NAS):

You shall not make any cuts in your body for the dead nor make any tattoo marks on yourselves: I am the LORD.


2012/11/11 16:00 Sunday

Hope kitty jumped on my lap again, but then started to jump down almost right away. I held on to her briefly to keep her from jumping down, and then she let me pet her for a long time. That is reassuring.

I turned the thermostat down so the heater wouldn't turn on for a while.

After eating some, Hope kitty jumped back onto my lap and let me pet her for a long time again. She fell asleep in my arms. I think she is feeling better.


2012/11/11 12:05 Sunday

Hope kitty jumped up on my lap and let me pet her for a while. However, the heater kicked on, and she ran for cover underneath the bed.


2012/11/11 12:00 Sunday

Did a ride on the trainer. Wasn't as overly cautious as I was yesterday, but still took it very easy. Did 10 miles at an average speed of 9.3 mph.

Hope kitty came out from underneath the bed after I came out of the spare bedroom where the trainer is, and she has stayed out in the living room and the kitchen. She hasn't jumped up on my lap, though. She is making progress, but I am still concerned.


2012/11/11 08:45 Sunday

Hope kitty is still spending quite a bit of time under the bed, but when she has come out, she has seemed to act more-or-less normal. I have the thermostat at about 70 degrees, but her fur felt a little chilly the last time she came out.

She doesn't like the noise of the heater. It spooks her.


2012/11/10 18:30 Saturday

Hope kitty seems to be feeling better, thank the Lord. That is an answered prayer. She came out from underneath the bed, and allowed me to pet her for a long time. She was purring, too.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed now. Am very tired.


2012/11/10 17:05 Saturday

Have been reading the Bible quite a bit today.

Am still terribly worried about Hope kitty. She is still spending a lot of time under the bed. I got to thinking that I picked up an ant bait trap from the kitchen floor yesterday, and I wonder if something might have fallen from it into her water. I have looked at a trap, however, and it doesn't seem as though anything could have fallen out. Also, I'm fairly sure that she started going under the bed before I moved the trap. Her behavior worries me. She really doesn't seem to feel well. If she doesn't seem to be better by Monday, I will take her back to the vet.


2012/11/10 12:05 Saturday

Just called Klaich. Hope kitty's blood work was normal, thanks be to God.


2012/11/10 12:00 Saturday

Did five miles on the trainer at an exceedingly slow average of 6 mph. It took 49 minutes. Definitely didn't want to push myself. I might have walked around Virginia Lake for my first day of "exercise," but the temperature is in the mid-30s, and I didn't want to be out in the cold.


2012/11/10 09:15 Saturday

Took Hope kitty to the vet this morning. She has been acting different from normal the last day or so. She usually sleeps with me, but last night she didn't. Also, she has been spending a lot of time under the bed, which she has never done before. Something that really worried me is that yesterday afternoon, she was under the covers in the bed with me, and she was shaking. At least I think she was shaking, not purring. I was concerned about the fact that she doesn't have bowel movements every day, too. The vet said that was okay, and he couldn't find anything wrong with her. He said blood work would be the next step, and that I might want to wait a couple of days to see if she started acting more normal again, but I decided to have the blood work done this morning. If there is something wrong with her, I want it to be caught as soon as possible. If she hadn't been shaking under the covers, I would be less concerned, but that worries me.


2012/11/09 16:45 Friday

I am tired, and the prospect of having dinner with my sister has put me in a very bad mood. I just want to go to bed.


2012/11/09 16:30 Friday

My sister is bringing dinner to me tonight. I really don't want her to come over. I just want to be alone. Besides, my apartment is a mess. People want to help, and just don't understand that I want to be alone.

Yesterday, the nurses brought my neighbor into post-op. I really didn't want her there.

Life is hell for people who want to be alone.


2012/11/09 14:15 Friday

Am doing rather well. My sleep last night was restless, though. My throat was very dry from the anesthesia tube and the oxygen they gave me in post-op. I had to eat a lot of ice chips in post-op, and I took a water bottle to bed with me.

The post-op nurse told me I could start walking for exercise in 24 hours. The doctor had told me before the surgery that I would be able to be back on a bike in 2-4 weeks. I might start riding the trainer before then, though. I figure if I ride in a low gear and pedal easy, it won't be much more strenuous than walking. Besides, it would keep me out of the cold.


2012/11/08 20:05 Thursday

The surgery went well. I don't even have any pain, except when I bend over to do things such as tie my shoes.


2012/11/08 09:55 Thursday

Will be heading off to the hospital in about an hour and a half. Might not feel up to posting this evening after the surgery.


2012/11/07 17:35 Wednesday

Just heard from the PCP's office. The MRI was normal. It remains a mystery as to what is causing the exhaustion, dizziness, and lack of balance. I am fed up with it.


2012/11/07 15:35 Wednesday

Still haven't heard back from the PCP's office about the MRI. I called again this morning, and the staffer told me that my PCP isn't in on Wednesdays, but she would ask another doctor to look at the results. She said she would call me back, but so far I haven't heard anything. I'm not going to bother to call back again today. I don't really care anymore, and I am going ahead with the hysterectomy regardless.


2012/11/07 14:35 Wednesday

Left work two hours early today.

Am so exhausted I feel as though I am about to collapse. Will be going to bed very early.


2012/11/06 17:55 Tuesday

Stupid (expletive) morons at the PCP's office.... I am fed up with stupid healthcare morons.


2012/11/06 15:35 Tuesday

Haven't gotten the results of the MRI yet. Stupid morons at Renown didn't send them to my PCP. The cardiologist who ordered the test told one of his staff to make sure that the results were sent to my PCP, and then when I had the test done I also asked the staff there to make sure it got sent to my PCP. I called the PCP's office yesterday, and the stupid moron there told me she would have the PCP review the results and call me. Since I hadn't heard from them by this afternoon, I called back today. I had to push to get them to check to see if the results had been sent to them. Turns out they hadn't gotten the results yet. Had to call Renown and ask them once again to send the results. Called the PCP back, and the call went to VM. I left a message asking them to call me as soon as possible with the results, and let them know I am going in for surgery on Thursday. The healthcare "profession" has a lot of stupid morons.

I really loathe life. I just want it all to be over and done with. I long for absolute and eternal oblivion.


2012/11/05 16:30 Monday

Just received some scary news. The guy who was my best friend in Tulsa for years is facing brain surgery in the first quarter of 2013. He has an aneurysm and blockage of an artery. Because of the placement of the aneurysm, they will have to operate and place a clip on it. I hadn't taken the time to email him in a couple of weeks, but emailed him yesterday letting him know about my surgery and MRI. He emailed me back this morning to let me know that since we had last communicated, he had gone through a very scary episode that turned out to have been due to the aneurysm and to fill me in on what has transpired since then. I am very thankful to God that it wasn't worse.

I haven't gotten the results of the MRI yet. I called the PCP's office today, and the woman on the phone said she would check with the doctor and someone would call me.

It is a sad state of affairs. I am so thankful that I will have time off from work that I don't even care that it is due to having surgery.

There is a cycling club leadership meeting this evening. I am going to skim the news before going.


2012/11/04 15:10 Sunday

I have been on-call this weekend. Techs didn't used to have to be on-call, but that changed recently. I am angry about having to be on-call. I had told my manager some time ago that I wasn't interested in being promoted from a tech to an associate field operations analyst, in large part because I didn't want to have to be in an on-call rotation. However, they fired the two AFOAs, which left just two people in the on-call rotation, so they decided to force techs to enter the rotation. I hate being on-call. I want my time away from work to be my time. I don't even want work to enter my mind. I hate thinking about work. If I could find a different job, I would jump ship. I don't see that as being a possibility, though.

I loathe life. I hope I die on the operating table on Thursday.


2012/11/04 08:30 Sunday

Went to bed at 3:40pm yesterday. Wasn't able to fall asleep for a while, but was too tired to get back out of bed. Finally did get up for a little while, as it occurred to me that I might have voicemail through my Charter account, and I wanted to check it. As noted earlier, I have been unplugging my phone a lot in order to avoid political calls. I hadn't thought about the possibility that calls would go to the Charter VM since the calls weren't being answered by my phone machine. I had never set up the Charter VM, but it still answered the calls. I had 19 VMs, all but three of which were political calls.

Dragged myself out of bed at about 7am this morning. Was in bed for about 16 hours.

Forgot to mention that there were some very small children at the tree planting yesterday. It was very irritating. It was inappropriate for them to be there. They wanted to help, and so they got in the way and really slowed things down.


2012/11/03 14:50 Saturday

Did the tree planting. It wasn't too bad, but getting up early enough to leave the apartment at 8:30am was hard. Only had time for one cup of coffee.

Took my downstairs neighbor to Squeeze-In for lunch. She will be taking me to the hospital and then picking me up after the surgery, so I was paying it forward.

Am so exhausted that I think I will go to bed for the night by 4pm, if not sooner. I need to do laundry this weekend, but it will have to wait until tomorrow.

Hope kitty is laying on my lap as I write this. That is good. She doesn't usually lay down on my lap; she usually walks in circles on my lap and squirms. I hope she will get in the habit of laying down instead of squirming on my lap. I don't want to disturb her, but I would like to get up and start getting ready for bed. I'm going to stay as is for at least a little while longer in the hope that it will encourage her to lay down on my lap.


2012/11/02 18:25 Friday

Haven't gotten the results of the MRI yet.

Have been unplugging my landline a lot due to the flood of calls from pollsters and robo-calls from politicians.

Will be participating in a tree planting tomorrow morning at Hidden Valley Regional Park. Don't really want to, but the Green Team leader at work asked me to, and I said yes.

Am off to bed now. Will unplug the phone first, though.


2012/11/01 18:30 Thursday

Had the MRI of my head today. I didn't think I would be claustrophobic, but when the tech rolled me into the chamber, I came a little close to panicking. I closed my eyes, and then did just fine. I even opened my eyes for a while toward the end just to see if I was still claustrophobic. I wasn't. The results of the MRI will be sent to the cardiologist and the PCP tomorrow.

After the MRI, I went to Costco to pick up the pain pills that the gynecologist prescribed for after the surgery. Then I sent emails to the cycling club ride leaders notifying them of their rewards. Now I have to shower. It is already very late, but I didn't shower last night, so I have to shower tonight.


2012/10/31 17:55 Wednesday

Went to the gynecologist's office today. He told me that he believes the hysterectomy can be done laparoscopically, but that it will be challenging case and he might have to make an incision in my lower abdomen. He reiterated that he doesn't think I have cancer.

The brain MRI is tomorrow.

Am getting to bed late, as I had to take care of some cycling club business. I am the ride coordinator, and I needed to update the spreadsheet in which I record who has led what rides. I also drafted an email to the members who have led rides. We have a points reward system for ride leaders.

Am about to fall out of the chair due to exhaustion. Am off to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2012/10/30 18:05 Tuesday

Went to Costco after work for gasoline and brownie bites. There is a "Chocolate Fest" taking place between a couple of departments, IT included, tomorrow at work.

Scheduled the hysterectomy for November 8th. Won't find out the results of the biopsy and ultrasound until tomorrow afternoon, but the gynecologist's office went ahead and scheduled the surgery. I requested that it be done at St. Mary's.

The dizziness hasn't changed much; I haven't had more or fewer spells of vertigo to speak of. However, the loss of balance is getting worse. I find myself having to steady myself more often when walking.

Am getting to bed later than I would like. Had better finish getting ready for bed.


2012/10/29 16:10 Monday

Was in bed before 4:30pm yesterday, and the alarm clocks started going off at 3:40am this morning. That wasn't enough sleep. I have been exhausted all day. Can't even think about riding. It was such a nice day today that I really longed to be able to ride.

Left work early to have the ultrasound test. I won't know the results until I go back to the gynecologist on Wednesday.

After leaving work, I went by Braido's for lunch before the ultrasound. Saw Dr. McLennan there. Maybe he didn't notice me, or maybe he didn't recognize me; in any case, he didn't acknowledge me.

After the ultrasound, I took my truck to Deano's for a smog test. It was only $15. After getting home, I renewed the truck registration online.

Am going to get ready for bed now before I fall over from exhaustion.


2012/10/28 14:15 Sunday

Slept about 14 hours last night. Have been exhausted all day. Will be going to bed early, probably by 4:30pm.

Had to clean off my balcony today. The apartment management will be inspecting balconies and patios next week to ensure that rules are being followed. They don't want any dead plants, indoor furniture, or so forth on the balconies or patios. I had three planter boxes that I hadn't used for a few seasons, and I ended up throwing them out.

While I was sweeping the balcony, my downstairs neighbor went outside and started talking to me. She invited me to go to lunch, and I ended up taking her to PJs. She hasn't been going to church lately, in part due to health issues, and in part due to three toxic women at the church who have been doing things to her such as telling her not do anything to celebrate the pastor's 60th birthday. I am thankful that I am not part of a church. I have too much to deal with as it is without having to deal with church politics.


2012/10/27 16:25 Saturday

Didn't ride today.

Never even got out of my pajamas today.


2012/10/27 13:10 Saturday

Went back to bed for a couple of hours. Laid there half-conscious, but never fell all the way asleep.

Don't know if I will be able to muster up the energy to ride today.


2012/10/27 10:40 Saturday

A while back, I changed the beneficiary on my insurance policies. It just didn't seem appropriate for the person who had been the beneficiary to be the beneficiary.


2012/10/27 09:00 Saturday

Was in bed for about 15 hours last night. Didn't fall asleep right away, so I ended up sleeping about 14 1/2 hours.

Can't help but wonder if maybe I have cancer. I will be having a pelvic ultrasound on Monday and a brain MRI on Thursday. Also, the gynecologist took a tissue sample from my uterus for a biopsy. I will get the results of the gynecological tests at an appointment on Wednesday. I don't know when I will get the results of the MRI. The cardiologist ordered the test, but the results will be sent to my PCP.

I don't think I would care if I were to have terminal cancer. Dying of cancer would be an unpleasant way to go, but at least the end would be in sight.


2012/10/26 15:10 Friday

Didn't think the workday was ever going to end. Have been dragging myself through the days.

Am not going to ride today. Am too tired and too dizzy. Will be going to bed early, by 5pm at the latest, and probably by 4:30pm.


2012/10/25 16:25 Thursday

Went to Costco after work to pick up a few items. Picked up two 20-lb bags of cat food while I was there and then dropped them off at Nevada Humane Society.

Am not going to ride today. Am tired of fighting the exhaustion and dizziness. Maybe if I had come straight home from work, I would have ridden. Maybe I will ride tomorrow. I don't need to do any errands after work tomorrow.

Am having a pelvic ultrasound on Monday and am going back to the gynecologist on Wednesday. On Thursday, I have an appointment for the MRI of my head.

I will probably have the hysterectomy sometime around November 7th. I will try to schedule my time off from work around other people's vacation time. The gynecologist said it could likely be done laparoscopically. If so, I will likely be off from work for only 5-7 work days.

The gynecologist said that my uterus is enlarged to a size as though I were 3-4 months pregnant. As I have been celibate for many years, pregnancy is obviously not the cause.

I wish I could go to bed right now, but I still need to shower. Hopefully I won't fall over in the shower. It hasn't happened yet, but it always makes me nervous to shower because of the dizziness.


2012/10/24 18:10 Wednesday

If it isn't one thing, it is another. I am probably going to need to have a hysterectomy. The gynecologist thinks I have fibrous tumors. He is sending me for an ultrasound. At least he doesn't think I have cancer.


2012/10/24 14:35 Wednesday

It amazes me how some people make it through life. I just called the gynecologist's office to find out where the office is, and the stupid chick who answered the phone told me it was at the corner of Plumas and Plumb. I asked her which corner, such as perhaps the NW corner, and she said she didn't know.


2012/10/23 19:10 Tuesday

The cardiologist was befuddled as to why Dr. Gini thought my health problems might be due to a heart problem. Didn't sound like a heart problem to me either, but I decided to go to the cardiologist after all just in case. The cardiologist ordered an MRI of my head, which makes a lot more sense to me than cardiology tests. They did an EKG just in case, and it was normal.

The reason I couldn't upload anything yesterday was that I had done an update on my linux box, and the update set the firewall so that it was blocking ftp traffic. I had assumed the problem was due to updates at my webhosting service, but they weren't able to find any problem. It finally occurred to me to check my firewall, and sure enough, ftp was being blocked.

Am exhausted. Need to finish getting ready for bed.


2012/10/22 16:50 Monday

Too tired to ride today.

Have an appointment with a cardiologist tomorrow and one with a gynecologist Wednesday. Hopefully the latter will be able to adjust the HRT to alleviate some symptoms I am having. I loathe being female, as I have stated many times before and will continue to state.

Some people argue that when Lance Armstrong won the seven Tours de France that have now been stripped from him, he was competing against a peloton in which every one else was doping too, and thus there was a level playing field. However, that does not take into account that some riders, such as Greg LeMond, quit competitive cycling rather than engage in doping. LeMond was the first American to win the Tour de France, and he won it three times. After the third win, he lost Tours that he likely would have won if others hadn't been doping, and because he refused to dope, he ended up quitting racing. What LeMond deserved will never be his because of dirty cyclists.

Am going to bed now.

Can't upload this for some reason. Will try in the morning before I go to work.


2012/10/21 15:50 Sunday

Am going to bed now. Haven't even been awake for eight hours, but am just too tired to function.


2012/10/21 15:00 Sunday

Have been awake for only about seven hours, yet am so exhausted I can barely drag myself around the apartment. Will be going to bed early this evening.


2012/10/21 12:00 Sunday

Did my standard 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.6 mph. My legs felt tired when I first started, but after riding for a time they felt better.

Now I need to shower, and then do laundry. More and more loathesome drudgery.


2012/10/21 09:30 Sunday

Slept 13 1/2 hours last night.

Have to do laundry today. I hate the drudgery of life. Life is just one drudgery after another. There is nothing in life that gives me enjoyment. I don't even enjoy riding, especially not on the trainer. I ride for the health benefits, including the mental health benefits. Life is ever-so-slightly less loathesome when I ride. Life really isn't tolerable, though, even when I ride. If I had any courage whatsoever, I would just go ahead and end my life.


2012/10/20 16:10 Saturday

Despite the ongoing dizziness, I went ahead and rode the trainer. Did the usual 20 miles. Averaged 16.2 mph.

Took out the trash for the first time in two weeks. I don't generate all that much trash, but still, it should be taken out at least once a week rather than letting it sit for so long. Am just not coping very well, and am having difficulty taking care of the basics of life.


2012/10/20 12:25 Saturday

Paid bills. Life is a never-ending struggle. I will never get out of debt.


2012/10/20 10:00 Saturday

After being up for about three hours, I went back to bed. Laid there in a semi-conscious state for about two hours. This is no way to live.


2012/10/20 07:20 Saturday

Slept about 13 hours. When I sat up to get out of bed, I was dizzy.

Am going to change doctors again. The doctor I have been going to, Dr. Ryan Gini, charged me $157 for the last visit, yet he charged me only $106 for each of the previous two visits. (He charged me $230 for the initial visit.) I called to ask why the last visit cost so much more than the previous two, and was told that the extra cost was based on the level of expertise required. However, at that visit, the doctor had told me that he didn't have any idea what was causing the dizziness and loss of balance, but that he would refer me to a cardiologist just in case it was caused by a heart problem. He also referred me to a physician's assistant who he thought would be better qualified than himself to adjust the HRT to alleviate symptoms I am having. In fact, he showed a lack of expertise while claiming to show greater expertise.

Not only that, but the PA he referred me to is non-existent.


2012/10/19 16:05 Friday

Am too exhausted and dizzy to ride today. Am off to bed now.


2012/10/18 18:35 Thursday

Survived the shower.


2012/10/18 17:55 Thursday

The dizziness and loss of balance have been worse today. Probably shouldn't have ridden, but I am stubborn and don't want to be defeated by my health issues. Did 20 miles on the trainer, and felt dizzy for most of the time. Averaged 16.1 mph.

It is late, and I still have to shower. I hope I manage to stay upright.


2012/10/17 17:25 Wednesday

Was really busy at work today. That made the time go by fast.

Did my standard 20 miles on the trainer. Averaged 16.4 mph. Expected my average to be slower, as it was only 16.1 mph about halfway through the ride. Picked up the pace for the last several miles, though.

Am glad to see a number of sponsors have terminated their contracts with Lance Armstrong, and that he has resigned from being Chairman of the Board at Livestrong. He is still on the board, but at least he isn't chairman. Also, the sponsors who are breaking off their association with Armstrong are continuing to support Livestrong, which I think is good.


2012/10/16 16:40 Tuesday

As I have written before, I really hate showering. I loathe my body, and it cannot be ignored when it is not clothed. Words cannot express how much I despise being female, and despise being overweight.


2012/10/16 15:25 Tuesday

Left work two hours early. Stopped at Costco for gasoline, dropped by Braido's for a sandwich, came home, ate, and went to bed. Set an alarm for two hours, and slept essentially the whole time. Need to take a shower before the cycling club meeting. However, I left voicemail at the cardiologist's office to schedule an appoitment, so I will wait a time before getting in the shower.


2012/10/15 18:20 Monday

The problems with balance and dizziness continue, and have been getting worse.

Went ahead and rode the trainer. Did 20 miles, as usual. Averaged 16.4 mph. Had to push myself fairly hard to reach that average. Didn't feel all that strong, but wanted to increase the intensity of my workout for today.

Tomorrow is the monthly cycling club meeting. I will be up late because of that. Those of us who eat dinner there (a Round Table Pizza restaurant) meet at about 5:30pm, and the actual meeting starts at 6:30pm. Tomorrow, one of the members will be doing a slide show (digital, of course) of a cycling tour he did in Croatia not too long ago. His presentations are always interesting. The meeting will probably last until about 8pm. Hopefully I won't be so tired while driving home that I would be dangerous.


2012/10/14 15:55 Sunday

Managed to stay upright in the shower.

A couple of days ago, as usual, I was listening to sermons as I rode the trainer. In one from over a couple of years ago, the pastor made reference to Jesus laughing while children were singing. As I did not recall that as being a passage in the Bible, I looked up the word "laugh" using Logos. There is no reference in the Bible to Jesus laughing that I could find. I even looked in the "Message" bastardization.


2012/10/14 14:30 Sunday

Managed to stay upright on the trainer for the 20 miles. Averaged 16.2 mph. Am going to eat some pasta, and then shower. Hope I manage to stay upright in the shower.


2012/10/14 12:50 Sunday

Have been having a lot of problems with dizziness today. Probably shouldn't ride, but am going to anyway. I hope I don't fall off the trainer.


2012/10/13 14:25 Saturday

Have been tired all day. Laid down for about 1/2 hour, but wasn't able to fall asleep. Didn't feel at all motivated to ride, but didn't want to skip a workout today, so I went ahead and did 20 miles on the trainer. Managed to average 16.0 mph.


2012/10/13 09:25 Saturday

Have been following the Lance Armstrong news. He is backed into a corner. I haven't read the USADA file, but those who have report the evidence clearly indicates Armstrong is guilty of having doped, having essentially coerced others into doping, having been instrumental in running what equates to a doping ring, and engaging in witness intimidation. Yet he still denies everything. I wonder if he will ever acknowledge his wrongdoing.


2012/10/12 19:55 Friday

Left work two hours early today. Didn't realize how tired I was until I got home. Ate lunch, and then went to bed for what I thought would be a short nap. Slept for 3 1/2 hours, and would have slept even longer, except a reminder went off on my phone and woke me. A couple of reminders had gone off previously, but they barely registered in my consciousness.

Almost didn't ride today since it was about 4:30pm when I dragged myself out of bed from my nap, and that was late in the day. Decided to go ahead and ride anyway, though. As usual, I did 20 miles on the trainer. My average speed was 15.8 mph. For the first few miles I was pedaling quite slowly, and for the next few I picked up the pace only a little. Finished the ride a little stronger, but never did ride all that fast.

It is late, and I am exhausted. Haven't finished reading the news, but am too tired to stay up any longer.


2012/10/11 14:50 Thursday

Am not going to ride today, as there is a meeting this evening that has to do with the 2035 Regional Transportation Plan. As a cyclist, I want to put in my $0.02 worth. I hate to miss my workout, and I will be getting to bed late, but I am going to go anyway.


2012/10/10 18:00 Wednesday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15.9 mph. Started out slowly for the first few miles, and didn't push myself very hard during any part of the ride.

The trainer faces a bedroom window that opens onto the parking lot, and my downstairs neighbor said something to me through the open window while I was riding. I couldn't hear her, and told her I would call her when I was done with the ride. I wasn't about to stop riding to have her talk at me. Anyway, I survived the phone call, barely.

Had planned to enroll this evening for insurance benefits for next year, but am too tired.


2012/10/10 17:05 Wednesday

My downstairs neighbor is droning on and on at me while on the phone. I'm not really listening. Have been reading the news while she is talking.


2012/10/09 17:25 Tuesday

Went to the doctor after work. He is sending me to a cardiologist. He doesn't know why I am having dizzy spells. The last doctor I was going to wanted to send me to a cardiologist also.

After leaving the doctor's office, I went to Trader Joe's, and then to Costco for the cholesterol medication that the doctor prescribed.

Was relaxing and reading the news when I suddenly remembered that I need to shower tonight. Am too tired to shower, but don't have a choice, since I didn't shower last night.


2012/10/08 18:20 Monday

Did the 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 16.1 mph. On the way home from work, I thought about trying to ride on the road. It is a good thing I didn't. I was dizzy while riding the trainer, starting at about five miles and going until about 15 miles.


2012/10/08 15:15 Monday

The Costco gas station was packed again today, but I decided to wait in line anyway. Didn't want to wait until tomorrow, as I have a doctor's appointment right after work, and am planning to go to Trader Joe's right after that. I will take a rest day from riding tomorrow.

Today is the birthday of my sister in Austin, and I wrote her a birthday greeting using a Facebook message. I don't have her email address, and didn't want to call. I don't like talking on the phone very much.


2012/10/07 15:20 Sunday

The Costco gas station was packed before and after I did my grocery shopping, so I punted. I'll get gasoline tomorrow or Tuesday.

Going up and down the apartment stairs, my legs have been tired. I had to make a few trips to carry the groceries upstairs.

Cleaned the kitchen and took out the trash after putting away the groceries.

Looked at my watch at about 2:45pm and couldn't believe it wasn't later than that. I am exhausted.


2012/10/07 12:15 Sunday

Cleaned the bathroom, then did 20 miles on the trainer. The average speed ended up being 15.9 mph again today. That surprised me, as early in the ride I was struggling. I had thought my average for the ride would be about 15.5 mph, based on early average speeds and the expectation that I would pick up the pace later in the ride. I was able to ride at a faster pace than I had expected after about the halfway point.

I need to eat, and then I will go to Costco for gasoline and groceries. After that, I will clean the kitchen. That is about all I will be able to get done as far as cleaning is concerned. The clutter is hopeless.


2012/10/07 09:15 Sunday

Slept only about 11 hours last night, although I was in bed for about 12 hours. Had trouble falling asleep. Then, after being up for about 1 1/2 hours this morning, I went back to bed for about 1 1/2 hours. I'm fed up with being exhausted.


2012/10/06 15:35 Saturday

After riding, I showered and then went to Braido's for a sandwich. After eating, I collapsed into bed for about an hour. Didn't fall asleep, and didn't feel any better after resting. Now I am doing laundry. Am going to try to clean the bathroom after finishing the laundry, but don't know if I will feel up to it. Then tomorrow, I will need to go to Costco.


2012/10/06 12:15 Saturday

Straightened up the apartment some, and then did 20 miles on the trainer. Have been tired and dizzy today, so I thought I would have to take it easy. However, I ended up averaging 15.9 mph.


2012/10/06 09:35 Saturday

Will have to clean the apartment this weekend. My toilet is leaking by the hose that leads from the spigot to the tank. It is leaking from the tank. It stops for a while after the toilet is flushed, but it starts up again when it isn't used for a while. I noticed it yesterday when I got home from work, and it was leaking again this morning. I suppose I could fix it myself be replacing the part that seals the hole in the tank, but I'm not going to. I've been intending to try to clean up the clutter in the apartment anyway, as it is getting toward the time of year when maintenance replaces the heater filters. What a pain in the neck.


2012/10/05 17:45 Friday

Didn't think the work day was ever going to end today. There weren't many calls from people needing tech help, and that made the time seem to pass more slowly. I ended up cleaning up some clutter in my office and deleting old emails for a good part of the day. I thought about leaving early, but didn't want to use up my paid time off or take unpaid time off.

Was very tired again today. If it hadn't been Friday, I might have gone to bed early instead of taking the time to ride. Went ahead and did 20 miles on the trainer. My average speed was 15.7 mph again today. Started off quite a bit slower than that, but felt stronger after riding for a while and was able to pick up the pace.


2012/10/04 16:30 Thursday

Have been tired today, and almost didn't ride because of that. Went ahead and did my 20 miles on the trainer after all, though. My average speed was 15.7 mph.

One more day of work, and then the weekend will be here. I plan to try to catch up on sleep. I need to do laundry, also.

Am going to finish reading the news, then shower, and then get to bed.


2012/10/03 17:45 Wednesday

Am terribly exhausted and am having problems with dizziness.

Didn't ride today. After work, I took my trainer bike in to College Cyclery to have a shorter handlebar stem put on it. Amy spent a lot of time fitting the bike to me, such as adjusting the saddle, but didn't charge me for the fitting. She just charged me a nominal amount for the new stem. They take good care of me there.

Had better get to bed asap.


2012/10/02 17:25 Tuesday

Set a timer for an hour and took a nap. After the timer woke me up, I reset it and stayed in bed for about 45 minutes more even though I didn't get back to sleep. Was dizzy when I first sat up, and didn't think I would be able to ride. Felt a little better after being up for a bit, so I went ahead and rode. My average speed for the 20 miles on the trainer was 15.3 mph.

Am off to hit the shower and then get to bed. I am on the 5am-1:30pm shift this month, so I have to be up early.


2012/10/02 13:15 Tuesday

Left work early today. Am so exhausted that I have been dizzy all day, right from the moment when I rolled out of bed. After work, I picked up a sandwich from Braido's, and then stopped by Eclipse Running for some GU energy gel and some Honey Stingers energy chews. When I got home, I ate and read the news.

Haven't decided whether or not to ride today. It is still too early to go to bed. I need to shower, but even after showering, it would still be too early to go to bed if I were to shower right now. Or, maybe it wouldn't.... I am very tired.


2012/10/01 16:15 Monday

Got in my 20 miles on the trainer. Average speed was 15.6 mph.


2012/10/01 14:20 Monday

There is a cycling club leadership meeting tonight. Am going to try to get a ride in on the trainer beforehand.


2012/09/30 16:25 Sunday

There was a little excitement in the apartment complex this afternoon. As I was walking to the rent drop box, I heard an EMT or a firefighter yelling to someone through a closed door. He was asking the person if he needed to go to the hospital. They were asking him if they needed to break into the apartment. To make a long story somewhat shorter, the firemen and EMTs couldn't get anyone live on the phone at the apartment's phone number. I told them that an apartment maintenance man lives at the complex. I tried to find him, but his car wasn't in the parking lot, and I knocked on some doors near where he lives trying to find his apartment, but wasn't successful. I looked through my paperwork, and finally got someone live on the phone at the company that manages the apartments. They called the fire department and took it from there.


2012/09/30 12:55 Sunday

Slept about 15 hours last night, but my sleep was restless. Have been exhausted all day.

Averaged 15.5 mph for the 20 miles on the trainer today despite being exhausted. Was struggling on the ride, but managed to keep up a relatively decent pace.


2012/09/29 16:35 Saturday

My average speed for the 20 miles on the trainer today was 15.4 mph. Felt tired before the ride and soon afterward, but felt okay during the ride.

Didn't get enough sleep last night. I really need to sleep 12-15 hours a night on the weekends, but had to get up early this morning to make it to the Truckee River cleanup. I'm glad I went, though. It makes me feel like a better citizen.

I had been taking an iodine supplement because I don't use salt. Most table salt is supplemented with iodide. Iodine is necessary for proper thyroid functioning. However, the multivitamin I take has 100% of the RDA of iodine. Maybe I was getting too much iodine, and maybe that has been contributing to my symptoms. I've stopped taking the iodine supplement, and will see if that helps. I'm grabbing at straws at this point. My health has to get better.

Am too tired to shower tonight. Have been losing my balance a lot. Will be getting ready for bed very soon.


2012/09/28 18:55 Friday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15.1 mph. I have sermon podcasts archived starting on 2009/11/15, and today I started listening to the sermons from the beginning of my archive.

Am going to participate in the Truckee River cleanup tomorrow. I really don't want to, but since I am on the Green Team at work, I feel obligated. Some other people from work will be there.

I had wanted to do the club ride at the West Shore of Tahoe, which is also tomorrow morning, but am having way too much dizziness to consider riding on the road.

It is late, and I am exhausted. Need to get ready for bed.


2012/09/28 15:05 Friday

Good news! Hope kitty hasn't lost weight; she has actually gained 3 ounces. The vet said she looks great. I think she looks good too most of the time; it is when she stretches out that she looks really skinny to me. I'm glad I took her in, though. Better safe than sorry. The vet (Dr. Musick at Klaich Animal Hospital) didn't even charge me anything.


2012/09/27 19:55 Thursday

Am finally getting to bed. Have been having balance problems, but managed to stay upright in the shower. My health is getting worse again. Can't go on like this much longer.


2012/09/27 18:55 Thursday

Am so exhausted I am brain-dead. Have to shower, though.

Have a doctor's appointment on October 9th.

Have an appointment to take Hope kitty to the vet tomorrow after work. I think she might have lost some weight. If so, maybe it is because she is an active kitty now, but when I adopted her, she had been in a cage for three months. After losing Faith the cat, though, I don't want to take any chances. I want to have the vet check out Hope kitty.


2012/09/26 18:10 Wednesday

Wanted to ride today, but I am too woozy and unsteady on my feet. I will take a rest day today, and will take another rest day tomorrow. I have a haircut appointment after work tomorrow. I have ridden six days in a row, so I suppose having to take a couple of rest days isn't too much of a disappointment. I am very worried about my health, though. I had hoped the HRT was going to help me get back to normal. It has helped some, but I am still not anywhere close to normal health. I am going to pick up an herbal menopausal treatment after my haircut tomorrow and see if that helps. I am still having some hot flashes, so if my health issues are due to menopause, maybe additional treatment will help. I'm also going to make an appointment to see the doctor again.

Need to get to bed now before I fall over in my chair.


2012/09/25 19:35 Tuesday

My average speed for the 20 miles on the trainer was 14.8 mph again today. Have been very tired today, but wanted to ride, and didn't want to ride too slowly.

My balance is still too uncertain to ride on the road. Looking on the bright side, it is good to be able to listen to sermons while riding and thus be fed spiritually.

It is late, and I still need to shower.


2012/09/24 18:50 Monday

Did my 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.8 mph. Didn't want to push myself, but didn't want to ride too slowly. That pace was middle-of-the-road.

When I was driving home, I thought about doing laps around Virginia Lake, but that thought went out the window when I had a dizzy spell while reading my email.

Read an article in rgj.com about a UNR student who is in the process of gender reassignment. Yesterday, while looking at medical benefits for next year, I found that gender reassignment will be covered by the company insurance. That transition would be very complex, and I doubt that I would ever do it, but it is tempting.


2012/09/23 17:50 Sunday

Had hoped to be able to do the West Shore Lake Tahoe ride with the cycling club next Saturday, but am losing hope that I will be able to do it. My balance problems are continuing. I don't think I would be safe riding on the road.


2012/09/23 12:00 Sunday

Did my 20 miles on the trainer this morning instead of waiting until afternoon. Wanted to ride before showering. Also, I need to do laundry today, and I wanted to shower before leaving the apartment. Haven't showered since Thursday night. Disgusting, eh?

My average speed for the ride was 15.1 mph.


2012/09/22 17:15 Saturday

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.8 mph. Am glad I rode and didn't let the fatigue stop me.

Will be going to bed within an hour or so. Am tired, despite sleeping about 13 hours last night and resting for a couple of hours during the day. It appears as though my health is getting worse again.


2012/09/22 14:40 Saturday

Laid in bed in a fog for about two hours. Probably would have stayed in bed longer, but there were loud and obnoxious children making noise and disturbing the peace for the last 20 minutes or so that I was in bed. I truly despise children.


2012/09/22 12:20 Saturday

Slept about 13 hours last night. Have been up for a little over four hours, and am exhausted. Am going back to bed to rest for a while, and then will do a ride on the trainer. I don't trust my balance enough at this point to ride on the road. Besides, being on the trainer will allow me to listen to sermons.


2012/09/21 18:20 Friday

Dropped the cat food off after work.

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.6 mph. One of these days, I'm going to ride on the road again. I rode the trainer for two reasons today. For one thing, I wanted to listen to sermons again, and for another, I have been having problems with my balance and with dizziness on and off today. Was having balance problems while on the trainer. Wasn't sure I should even ride, but I'm glad I did.

Am off to get ready for bed. Didn't get enough sleep last night, and am tired.


2012/09/20 20:35 Thursday

Am getting to bed late tonight, and I have to get up early in order to be at work at 5am, which is always our starting time on Fridays.

After work, I went to Costco for gasoline, a prescription, some groceries, and a couple of 20-lb. bags of cat food for the Humane Society. I will take the cat food to them tomorrow.

When I arrived home, as usual I gave Hope kitty attention for a while, and then scanned email, Facebook, and the rgj.com. After that, I rode the trainer for 20 miles at an average speed of 14.4 mph. I wasn't sure whether or not I should ride, as I have been tired today and I was getting a late start, but decided to ride anyway.

Listened to all of one sermon and part of another while riding. Then I ate while reading the news, and then showered.

One of the sermons I listened to has a section that twists a knife in my heart. Always before when listening to that sermon, that section has overshadowed the rest of the sermon for me. This evening, I was able to downplay that section somewhat in my mind and pay more attention to the meaning of the sermon.

Am off to bed.


2012/09/19 17:25 Wednesday

Really wanted to ride today, but am too exhausted and dizzy.

The speaker at the cycling club party last night is a fitness coach. She insists that athletes should take two rest days a week. I think one day a week is sufficient for me, since I don't train with much intensity. However, I will be taking two days this week, as I am too tired to ride today, and might also take two days for a while unless and until I start feeling better.

Left work less than two hours ago, and have already started getting ready for bed. Am hoping to be asleep by 5:45pm.


2012/09/18 20:40 Tuesday

Was tired again today, but went to the cycling club meeting anyway. Showered right after work, and then went to the meeting. Skimmed the news afterward. Now I'm off to get ready for bed. Am very tired.


2012/09/17 19:50 Monday

Was tired all day. Went ahead and did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.6 mph, though. Starting at about 13 miles, my calves starting cramping some. I thought about stopping at 15 miles, but really wanted to finish the 20 I had planned on doing. Am going to keep my regular daily mileage at 20 for now. Probably shouldn't increase it unless and until I start feeling better. I might go ahead and do the 30-mile Tahoe West Shore ride on the 29th, however.

The monthly cycling club meeting is tomorrow evening, and I am going to try to make it. Depends on how tired I am tomorrow. Had better get ready for bed now; it is late, and I need sleep.


2012/09/16 18:50 Sunday

Went to the get-together. Have been very tired. While sitting at the table watching the game, I was somewhat concerned that I might have trouble driving home due to being tired. I didn't have anything alcoholic, as I don't drink, but when I am tired, I question my ability to concentrate well enough to drive at a high level.

Gave Hope kitty lots of attention when I got home, then checked Facebook and Twitter. After that, I showered. Now I had better head off to bed. I don't have to be at work until 7am tomorrow, but I need as much sleep as I can get.


2012/09/16 11:45 Sunday

Am tired. Woke up every few hours last night. Was in bed for about 11 hours.

Paid bills this morning, then did a ride on the trainer. Did 20 miles at an easy average of 14.4 mph. Have been listening to sermons while riding. That passes the time, and it is good to be fed spiritually. Was saddle-sore, but was able to find positions that allowed me to finish the 20 miles. Wore shorts with a good chamois, but even a good chamois helps only so much. Have to build up a tolerance to being in the saddle. Since I didn't shift positions much yesterday, there was more sensitivity today.

Will be attending the IT get-together at 1pm. Am wearing my "Team Tebow" t-shirt.


2012/09/15 17:40 Saturday

Slept about 12 hours last night. Have been tired today, but not as exhausted as I used to be.

Took my iPhone in to the Apple Store this morning. There have been some times when it didn't respond to touch as it should have. The tech ran diagnostics, and they didn't show anything wrong. I was wearing a College Cyclery hat, and mentioned that I carry the phone in a jersey pocket while riding, which means that it gets exposed to some sweat from my back. She said the case I have (an Otter Box) should protect it well enough. She also said that her boyfriend owns a bike shop in another town, and they are trying to sell it to move here. I referred her to the Procrastinating Pedalers club website and invited her to ride with us.

Took a 45-minute nap early this afternoon. Would have stayed in bed longer, but I had set a timer because I wanted to get up and ride before it got much later.

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an easy pace that averaged 14.1 mph. I was concerned before I got on the trainer that I wouldn't be able to do 20 miles because I was so saddle-sore yesterday. However, I wore shorts with a better chamois than the ones I wore yesterday, and that helped a lot. There was a little tenderness, but it wasn't bad. The chamois is the padding that is in cycling shorts.

The IT department at work is having a get-together tomorrow at a Bully's to watch the Jets-Steelers game. One of the other techs is a big Steelers fan, and I am a big Tebow fan. I really don't care who wins, but I would like to see Tebow get some playing time and for him to do well.

I really like having Hope kitty around.

Am going to go to bed before much longer. Want to get up fairly early and do a ride before the get-together.


2012/09/14 18:15 Friday

Did 18 miles on the trainer at an easy pace of a 13.9 mph average. Didn't even sweat very much. Listened to a couple of sermons from some time ago. The message on one was something I really needed to hear. I worry about the possibility that my job could be cut, but worrying isn't going to prevent it from happening if it is going to happen. I need to stop worrying about it, and I need to trust God to lead, even if it happens.

Felt good during and after the ride, with the exception of being saddle-sore while on the bike. At about 13 miles, I was doubting that I would be able to finish the 18 miles I had planned on doing. Was finally able to find a position that allowed me to finish, although I wasn't quite all the way on the saddle.

Almost didn't ride due to feeling a little dizzy at times before the ride, but am glad I rode. Am starting to get a little dizzy again, so I had better get to bed soon.


2012/09/14 14:50 Friday

Accidentally stepped on Hope kitty's tail this morning, poor thing. I was standing in the bathroom, and she was laying on the floor. I had taken my glasses off but hadn't put in my contacts yet. She meowed loudly, but I couldn't see that I was standing on her tail, and didn't feel it either. She then curled up and started whimpering. Strangely, she didn't try to get away. I jumped away from her, and then reached down to pet her. She moved away, and I followed her on all fours. After some time, she let me pet her. I spent some time petting her, and by the time I left for work, she seemed back to her normal self. I wonder why she didn't try to get away when she was in pain. It was as though she was resigned to being hurt. I wonder if she had been abused in the past and couldn't do anything then other than curl up and whimper. I am thankful that I adopted her, and I hope that she is thankful for that too. She is a very sweet kitty.

Have been tired all day long. Didn't get enough sleep last night. Am still planning on riding, though. Will just take it easy.


2012/09/13 19:40 Thursday

Was tired at work today, especially in the afternoon. Really wanted to ride, though, and besides, the doctor had told me he wants me to do workouts every day. I told him I take one rest day a week, and that met with his approval. He is a runner.

Went ahead and did 18 miles on the trainer, at an average speed of 15.2 mph. That mileage and pace represents an increase that is more than the level of increase my doctor advised, but I felt okay. I'll ease up some tomorrow.

Practiced clipping in and unclipping a lot. Did well enough that I think I will feel comfortable riding on the road again before too long.

Listened to a sermon during the ride. It was very interesting.

Have to get into the shower now. It is already past my bedtime. Have to be at work at 5am, as usual on Fridays.


2012/09/12 19:05 Wednesday

Had already gone to bed and was trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep when I realized I hadn't posted anything.

Didn't make it in to work early this morning. Just went in at my regularly scheduled time. Was dizzy when I first got out of bed in time to go in early. Just hadn't had enough sleep. Felt somewhat better after getting a little more sleep.

Went to the psychiatrist's office today. He suggested staying on the Zyprexa, at least for now, since it works for me and since it now appears that it wasn't causing the health issues. That was my thinking also. He mentioned that there are three newer medications we can try in the future if it turns out that the Zyprexa may be causing the issues.

After the psychiatrist's appointment, I took my trainer bike in to College Cyclery to have the pedals swapped out. Had a nice chat with Amy. I will ride the trainer tomorrow and practice clipping in and unclipping.

Am going to give Hope kitty some more attention and then head back to bed.


2012/09/11 19:55 Tuesday

Survived going back to work today, and Hope kitty survived the day alone. She was very glad to see me when I arrived home. I petted her for a long time, and she still wanted even more attention. She is a sweet kitty.

Went for a 17.87-mile ride on my commuter bike. It didn't go well at all. I was so nervous about being clipped in on both pedals that I rode with one foot unclipped most of the time. That really slowed me down. Tomorrow, I am going to have new pedals put on my trainer bike; I will have the same type of pedals put on it that I have on my other bikes. Then I will practice clipping in and unclipping on the trainer. I practiced at times on the ride this evening, and I did okay for a while, but then I started having difficulty unclipping for some reason. Maybe I was lifting my heel; I'm not sure.

It is already past my bedtime, and I still need to shower. Also, I am planning on going in to work early tomorrow to make up some of the time that I will miss in the afternoon since I will be leaving early for the psychiatrist's appointment.


2012/09/10 18:10 Monday

The doctor and I discussed my health, and we concluded that the issues may have been predominantly due to menopause. I will be continuing to take HRT and seeing if it helps. I am thinking that I will also continue on the Zyprexa for a time rather than taking the risk of changing meds. If I can get back to some semblance of normalcy on the HRT, I will just stay with the Zyprexa unless the psychiatrist recommends otherwise.

Did 15 miles on the trainer again today. Picked up the pace some; my average speed was 14.7 mph.

There is a 30-mile club ride on the West Shore of Tahoe on the 29th that I am going to try to do. It will be a relaxed-pace ride, with a stop at the Tahoma Market for their great sandwiches and then a picnic at the Sugar Pine Point state park. The doctor wasn't too sure about letting me do it, but I convinced him it would be an easy ride. I told him that I had been doing 15 miles on the trainer each day for the last five days, and he approved of that. He wants me doing exercise, but wants me to build up slowly.

Have to go back to work tomorrow. Poor Hope kitty will be alone all day.


2012/09/09 16:05 Sunday

Had a pleasant surprise just now. Mike, my sister's ex-husband, called to see how I am doing. Hopefully, by the time he comes up here next, I will be feeling better and we will be able to ride.


2012/09/09 15:25 Sunday

Read that the Tahoe Queen cruise boat was delayed in Carnelian Bay this morning due to high winds. The Tahoe Queen is the boat that carries the cyclists across the lake who are doing the 35-mile option in the Tour de Tahoe and the America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride. The Tour de Tahoe was today. Haven't been able to figure out how long the cyclists were stuck on the boat. If it was too windy for the Tahoe Queen to dock, it must have been very windy for the riders in the TdT. Am not glad I couldn't do the ride this year, but am glad I missed the wind.


2012/09/09 14:30 Sunday

Downstairs neighbor called, much to my dismay. She invited me to lunch or dinner. I had just finished eating when she called, and don't want to eat much more before going to bed, so I had a good excuse. She called primarily because of a computer issue. She drives me nuts. I had her unplug the USB network adapter and turn on the computer. When I went down there, I started up a virus scan and told her to let me know when it was done. Before I could escape, she started in on a long monologue about her sister.

Well, she just called again. The scan is done, so I will go back down and check on the computer.

Dealing with her ruins my whole day.


2012/09/09 13:50 Sunday

Had trouble falling asleep yet again last night. At times in the past when I have exercised later in the day, it has affected my ability to fall asleep. Maybe I am going through one of those phases again. I decided to ride earlier in the day today in the hope that I would be able to sleep better tonight. I have been riding in mid-afternoon, which really isn't that late, but today I rode before noon. Did 15 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.0 mph. Again read the Bible while riding. I am a couple of chapters into Romans.


2012/09/08 18:10 Saturday

Stubborness prevailed, and I did 15 miles on the trainer. Felt a little better today during the ride. Was still holding onto the saddle or a handlebar grip just in case, but not as tightly. Also, my average speed was a bit faster, even though I wasn't trying to go faster. It was 13.9 mph. As on the last two days, I read the Bible while riding. Am in the book of Acts. I admire Stephen for crying out as he was dying, "Lord, do not hold this sin against them!" (Acts 7:60, NASB95.) If I were to take on that attitude, I would not be as bitter as I am. Easier said than done, but it is worth noting that having Hope kitty around has improved my attitude. My heart has softened some.


2012/09/08 13:25 Saturday

Had trouble falling asleep again last night, and my sleep was restless when I did manage to fall asleep. Was cold when I wasn't under the covers, but was frequently too warm when under the covers, even sometimes when I was just covered by a sheet. I have been taking hormone replacements, and that has helped the hot flashes considerably. I still have them and still sweat some, but at least I am not drenched in sweat during them as I used to be. I am going to talk to the doctor about maybe increasing the dosage to get rid of them altogether. Being female is loathsome.

For a few minutes this morning, I actually had a little energy. I was sitting at my computer, and thought perhaps I would try to ride outdoors today. When I stood up, though, I realized that was out of the question, due to wooziness. It is so bad now that I'm not sure if I will even be able to ride the trainer today.


2012/09/07 16:45 Friday

Had trouble falling asleep last night, and then slept until after 10am. Was very woozy upon arising. Had a homemade dark-cherry mocha, and then went to Braido's to pick up a sandwich. Didn't have anything to eat in the apartment that sounded good. Wasn't quite sure I was in any condition to drive, but I made it there and back. Felt a little better after eating, but still felt woozy. Laid down for a relatively short time, maybe 30 minutes, and then decided to ride the trainer.

Did 15 miles at a very slow pace again; my average was 13.1 mph. Read the Bible on my phone again while riding. Am still having to hold on to the saddle or a handlebar grip just in case. Felt better during the ride, and am still feeling better after the ride. I don't know why that happens. I did some google searching to see if anything would shed light on that pattern, but didn't come up with any useful information.

My next appointment with the primary care physician is on Monday afternoon, and my first appointment with the psychiatrist is on Wednesday afternoon.

Hope kitty goes through phases in which she really wants attention. She is very cute. I hope she adapts well when I go back to work next Tuesday.


2012/09/06 18:35 Thursday

My vacation is slipping away.

Finally got on the trainer this afternoon. Did 15 miles at a very slow pace of 13.2 mph. Held on tightly to the saddle with one hand, and read the Bible on the Logos app on my iPhone with the other. I have been feeling ever-so-slightly better, but am still dizzy a lot of the time. I held on tightly because I was afraid I would fall over.

Did laundry earlier today. Thought that getting it over with before the weekend would mean that the laundry room would be fairly empty. There was quite a number of people coming and going, though. Fortunately, I didn't have any trouble getting machines, as the timing worked out well.

It is nice to have Hope kitty around. She is a cute little cat. She weighs just over seven pounds. There was a beautiful grey cat at NHS that I thought about adopting instead of Hope, but that cat was over 13 pounds. I like smaller cats. Hope kitty is affectionate and playful, but isn't needy and overbearing.

Had better get to bed soon. I don't like being in bed so much, but the reality is that I am not functioning well enough to be out of bed more. I don't know how I will survive being back at work when the time comes. I guess I'll just have to do what I had been doing, which is pushing myself past my limits.


2012/09/05 16:50 Wednesday

Decided to stay up for a while instead of going to bed so early. Passed time reading cycling articles and other things online. Am heading for bed soon.


2012/09/05 15:25 Wednesday

Just received a call from the endocrinologist's office. Didn't get to the phone in time, but they left voicemail. The doctor who reviewed my chart doesn't think they can do anything for me. I'm at the end of my rope. I have an appointment with the psychiatrist next Wednesday. Maybe he will know of a different medication for the bipolar disorder that I can try, in case I have developed an intolerance for Zyprexa. If he can't help, I might as well start planning for suicide. Just can't go on like this.


2012/09/05 14:55 Wednesday

Jim emailed me last night, I am thankful to say.

Listened to a couple of sermons today.

Am too tired to write anything else. Am going to lay down for a while. Figured I had better write something now, in case I end up sleeping through the night.


2012/09/04 19:20 Tuesday

Made it through dinner. Thought I was going to asphyxiate on the cigarette smoke when going through the casino to and from the buffet. Am too tired to function now. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2012/09/04 16:05 Tuesday

Never did go back to bed. Ran some errands and then showered. Have been feeling woozy all day. Am not sure I will make it through dinner.

One thing I did today was take the bicycle headlight battery charger that I ordered for Tina a long time ago over to the office of the apartment complex where she lives. They said they would get it to her. She probably doesn't even have the headlight system any more. I couldn't care less about Tina now. I am bitter about the situation, and if she ever tries to contact me again, I won't respond.

I am bitter about having apparently lost Jim's friendship too. Tina is not much of a loss, but Jim is someone whose company I truly enjoyed.

I really, truly hate being alive. There is nothing that would make my life worth living. I am hoping that my body will shut down and die. If it doesn't, then I will just have to find the courage to kill myself.


2012/09/04 12:00 Tuesday

Was in bed for about 16 hours last night. My sleep was restless, though, and I was awakened a few times by Hope kitty. Have been up for about 3 1/2 hours, and am considering going back to bed.

Am taking my friend Dan out to dinner this evening at the Peppermill's Island Buffet. I haven't been in a casino for years, in part based on general principles, but the Nevada Humane Society gave me a voucher for a free dinner at the buffet when I adopted Hope. Might as well use it, I suppose. I will be picking Dan up at about 5pm. Hopefully I will be able to function that late in the day.


2012/09/03 16:00 Monday

Am giving up. Am going back to bed. Will try to read the Bible for a time on my iPhone before sleeping, but am not holding out much hope that I will be able to concentrate.


2012/09/03 15:15 Monday

Didn't email Jim from Tulsa last weekend, but sent him an email yesterday morning. Haven't heard back from him. Maybe he is on vacation away from email, or maybe he just isn't going to respond. He didn't respond to the last email I had sent a couple of weeks ago, when we were emailing back-and-forth. At least he hasn't de-friended me on Facebook.

It has been only a couple of hours since I last got out of bed, and I am already thinking of going back to bed for the night. Am just exhausted, and can barely function. I can't believe this is happening to me. I have always seen myself as a healthy, athletic person. Now I am wondering if my body is going to shut down and die.

Have been trying to read in the book of John, but am not able to concentrate.


2012/09/03 13:20 Monday

Slept over 13 hours last night, was up for less time than three hours, and then went back to bed for over 2 1/2 hours. Don't want to go on like this.


2012/09/02 16:10 Sunday

Slept about 12 hours last night, then after being up for about three hours, went back to bed for about two-and-a-half hours. Hadn't showered since Thursday evening, so even though I felt too tired to stand up long enough to shower, I went ahead and forced myself to shower. Will be going to bed early this evening.

Have been reading in the book of Luke. There are many parables in it that are either hard for me to accept or hard for me to understand.

Hope kitty finally started using the cat tree. She is sleeping on it now. She hasn't been eating very much, but at least she is eating some. I will give her more wet food this evening. I haven't given her any yet today.


2012/09/02 09:30 Sunday

Hope kitty has been exploring and climbing on everything other than the cat tree. Yesterday, she climbed on a bookshelf that had three computer monitor boxes on top of it. She climbed on top of the boxes. I was concerned that she and the boxes would fall, but that didn't happen. Then, last night, I was awakened by a crash. She had climbed back on the boxes, and they had fallen to the floor.

Also, she has been walking around on my computer table. I am trying to break her of that, as yesterday, she was walking around on my linux box's keyboard, and even though the screen was locked, something froze up. The hard drive light was still flashing, but there was no keyboard response. I had to hard-reset it. It may have been a coincidence, but I don't want to risk having it happen again.

She finally ate last night. I left the tuna wet food out, and she ate that. I also heard her eating a little bit of the dry food. That is a relief.


2012/09/01 18:30 Saturday

Hope the cat is adjusting well to her new home, but she hasn't eaten anything since I brought her home. I have tried dry food, salmon wet food, and tuna wet food. Tomorrow I will get some turkey or chicken wet food and try that, in case she doesn't like seafood. If she doesn't eat that, I will call NHS. Their clinic isn't open on the weekends, though, and I doubt if they will be open on Labor Day, so I might end up taking her back to Klaich.

Was hoping to be able to ride the trainer today, but didn't feel up to it.


2012/08/31 17:45 Friday

Worked a short day today, from 5-10am. Am now on vacation until Tuesday, September 11.

Right after work, I went to the Nevada Humane Society. Unfortunately, I didn't realize that they weren't open until 11am. Went to Braido's for a sandwich, and then went back to NHS. No cats seemed like the perfect cat, in part because I haven't really gotten over the loss of Faith the cat. I wanted another tuxedo kitty, but there were only a few, and they didn't fit the bill for one reason or another.

I finally decided on a greyish-brown tabby named Goldfish. I have renamed her Hope. I took her right to Klaich to get her established as a patient. I wanted to take her in right away, as I figured she was being traumatized by being uprooted, and that I might as well get the trauma of going to the vet over at the same time.

When I got her home, I let her out of the box in my bedroom with the door closed. She investigated her new surroundings some, but then went under the bed, and she hasn't come back out that I am aware of. I have been in the living room, though, taking care of some phone calls I needed to make and reading the news online. I have gone into the bedroom a few times and talked to her, but she hasn't come out.


2012/08/30 17:45 Thursday

Was going to do a quick post herein and then collapse into bed. Then I remembered that I need to shower tonight. Am too tired, but don't have a choice, as I didn't shower last night.


2012/08/29 18:15 Wednesday

Am too tired to write anything. Am off to get ready for bed.


2012/08/28 18:20 Tuesday

Had a doctor's appointment after work. The only thing wrong with my bloodwork was my cholesterol count, which was high, but that wouldn't be causing the problems I am having. The doctor wants me to go to a psychiatrist; he thinks the Zyprexa might be causing the problem. A guy I know from the cycling club is a psychiatrist who is in-network on my insurance, and the doctor thinks highly of him. I called his office, and they have a waiting list. They said it would probably be late October before they could get me in. I cannot wait that long. I emailed him this evening through the club's page at meetup.com explaining the situation and asking him if he could pull strings to get me in sooner.

The doctor is also sending me to an endocrinologist just in case he is missing something. Another thing he did is give me a sample of Savella, which is for fibromyalgia. We are essentially grabbing at straws at this point.

I still have to shower tonight. I'm not even going to take the time to read any news. I need to get to bed as soon as possible. I cannot go on like this much longer. I have been exhausted and dizzy all day long. My head feels as though I have had way too much to drink, even though I haven't even had anything at all to drink for almost eight years.


2012/08/27 19:15 Monday

Am so tired I am about to drop. Had a dental cleaning after work, then I met the guy who bought my Tour de Tahoe entry and we completed the transaction. He seemed a little unsure of the registration process and so forth, so I took the time afterward to send him an email with various helpful hints. Started to read the news before the meeting to sell my entry, but didn't get far. Am too tired to finish reading the news. My head is spinning and I feel as though I am going to fall over. Had better get to bed asap.


2012/08/26 17:15 Sunday

Being stubborn, I rode the trainer even though I didn't feel up to it. Did only 15 miles at an average speed of only 13.2 mph, but at least I rode. Felt woozy the whole time, especially so whenever I moved my upper body. Had to hold onto the saddle or a handlebar grip with one hand the whole time. Read the Bible with the Logos app on my iPhone with the other hand.

Now I have to shower, even though I am feeling dizzy. Hope I manage to stay upright.


2012/08/26 10:45 Sunday

I keep hoping against hope that someday I will be able to ride decent mileage again. Yesterday, I ordered two items online that are cycling-related. One is a pair of shoes for winter riding. They are boot-style, covering the ankles, and have Gore-Tex in part of the uppers. They are expensive, but were on sale for 20% off. The other item is an iPhone case made by LifeProof. It is waterproof, which means sweat-proof. I carry my phone in a jersey pocket, and that leaves it subject to being exposed to the sweat from my back. I think that sweat was to blame for my last phone's having failed. I could use a Ziplock bag, I suppose, but I haven't. I don't know how the LifeProof case allows for sound even though it is waterproof. I read a review on Bicycling Magazine's website, and it was a good review. The LifeProof case was expensive, too, but if it keeps my phone from failing due to sweat, it will be worth it.


2012/08/26 10:30 Sunday

Am not sure how many hours I slept last night. Had trouble falling asleep, then slept about an hour before waking up again. Had trouble falling back asleep, and ended up doing Bible study for a while. Slept for several hours after that, but woke up at about 5am and had trouble falling back asleep. When I did get back to sleep, I slept for a couple of hours. Feels as though I hardly slept at all.


2012/08/25 16:10 Saturday

Did some Bible study for a while, but am too tired to continue. Have been up only seven hours after sleeping for over 18 hours, but am off to get ready for bed.


2012/08/25 15:00 Saturday

Earlier, I thought I might be able to ride today. Then the balance problems started in again. For a while, I thought about at least riding the trainer, but before I got around to it, the exhaustion got too bad. Will be going to bed early this evening.


2012/08/25 10:50 Saturday

Slept about 18 hours yesterday afternoon and last night.

Am thankful that my graveyard stint at work is over.


2012/08/24 13:50 Friday

Tried to sleep this morning, but couldn't. Finally got up and ran errands. Went to Costco for a few items, including a couple of 20-lb bags of cat food for the Humane Society. Dropped the groceries off at home, then realized I had forgotten to get gasoline. Went back to Costco to fill up the tank, and had to wait behind two morons who had been sitting in line for some time, but didn't have their cards ready. Not only did they not have their cards ready, but they fumbled when trying to get them out at the pump. It is a matter of common courtesy to be prepared when in lines.

After getting gasoline, I took the cat food to the shelter. Looked around at the cats, thinking I might get one today instead of waiting until next Friday, but none struck me as being the right cat. When I first saw Faith, I fell for her right away. I was fortunate in that, and fortunate to have had her for even the short time I did. I don't know what made me think the right cat would be there waiting for me this time.

Am fading fast. Had better get ready for bed soon.


2012/08/24 07:10 Friday

Somehow managed to survive the two weeks of graveyard. Will likely sleep most of the weekend.

Had to stay the whole shift last night. For one thing, the supervisor was scheduled to leave early, so at least one of the other two of us had to stay. For another thing, someone made a mistake yesterday and pushed some software to various machines that shouldn't have been pushed. I had to figure out how to make some profiles work with the new software. Fortunately, I finished in time to leave when I was scheduled to leave.

Am barely functional at this point. My bed is calling my name.


2012/08/23 15:40 Thursday

Just emailed the change of beneficiary for the AD&D policy I have through Tulsa Federal Credit Union. As I noted in an earlier post, Tina was the beneficiary. I changed that to my sister's ex-husband Mike and my sister Cathy.

I need to get more sleep. Slept six hours, then the phone rang. It was a robo-call, and no one responded when I answered. I answered only because I wanted to tell them to take me off their call list. Haven't been able to get back to sleep.

I have a new next-door neighbor, and she is loud. At least I can't hear her noise from my bedroom. Our living rooms are adjoining, though, and the noise is irritating.


2012/08/23 14:30 Thursday

My linux box is acting strange. If it fails, I might not post anything herein for a few days.


2012/08/23 04:40 Thursday

Took two hours off from work again this morning. Was so tired all night long that I was dizzy the whole time.

I am in despair. I am tired of dealing with people. Would that I could be a hermit.

Perhaps my fervent desire for absolute and eternal oblivion constitutes a rejection of God. It isn't God I want to avoid, though. I just want to escape people, and there will be people in heaven.

Saw a license plate on my way to work a couple of nights ago that read "LRN2LUV." No chance of that happening for me. The longer I live, the more I want to escape people, not love them.


2012/08/22 05:00 Wednesday

Took two hours of paid time off this morning. Came home, ate, and read the news. Am exhausted, as usual, but somehow I have to stay awake long enough to shower.


2012/08/21 12:00 Tuesday

Am exhausted, but woke up and can't get back to sleep.

It is in my calendar that today is the birthday of the pastor of the church from which I am in permanent exile. However, there is some question in my mind as to whether or not the date is correct. In any case, whether or not it is his birthday, I hope he has a blessed day.


2012/08/21 06:05 Tuesday

Left work an hour early. Three more days of graveyard shift to go. Am not sure I will survive. My legs are weak and shaky, and my head feels like it does when I am way past my limits.

Still haven't heard from Jim. If I haven't heard from him by the weekend, I will email him again. If he doesn't respond, I'll have to write off another friendship. I have had few friendships in my life.

My sleep was restless yesterday. Hope I sleep better today. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2012/08/20 07:50 Monday

Never did get to sleep yesterday afternoon. Laid in bed half-awake, but just couldn't drift off all the way. Got up a few times. Also, my sister from Austin called and we talked for a while.

Was so tired driving home this morning that I was actually afraid to be on the freeway.

My friend Jim from Tulsa and I have been emailing, but he didn't email me yesterday. I wonder if he googled me and didn't like what he saw. He might have seen my seekthecross site, or might have seen that I had been in legal trouble. He is a curious type, so it is not beyond the realm of possibility that he would have googled me.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed before I collapse.


2012/08/19 14:00 Sunday

Slept 13 hours last night. Dragged myself out of bed even though I was still tired.

Am still having a lot of hot flashes, but at least the intensity of some of them has subsided. I still break out in a sweat, but the sweating is not as profuse in some as it has been.

Did my laundry yesterday. My one goal for today was to get my bills paid. Managed to do that.

Listened to a sermon yesterday, and another one today. Will probably listen to one of them again at some point.

Am off to get ready for bed. Am working graveyard again this week.


2012/08/18 19:15 Saturday

Matthew 25:29 (NASB95):

29"For to everyone who has, more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but from the one who does not have, even what he does have shall be taken away."
The book of Matthew condemns me.


2012/08/18 18:40 Saturday

Matthew 18:10 (NASB95):

10 "See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven continually see the face of My Father who is in heaven."
Cannot help it. I despise children.

I am truly a sorry excuse for a Christian.


2012/08/18 16:40 Saturday

Received the results of my blood work. My TSH and T4 levels were normal. There wasn't a T3 test done, although the doctor had said he was ordering one. If I don't have a thyroid problem, I don't know what is causing my health problems. I've had it with feeling like death warmed over.


2012/08/18 15:00 Saturday

Went to Costco for gasoline, oranges, and a pizza. They have an 18" pizza for $10. I can eat on that for days.

Am trying to get up the energy to do laundry, but it might have to wait until tomorrow. Have been woozy all day long.

I really wish that I had ordered the suicide kit sooner than I did, and that the order had been filled and delivered prior to the raid on the seller's home. If it had, I would be one step closer to putting myself out of my misery.


2012/08/18 12:50 Saturday

Slept for 23 hours yesterday and last night. Had many hot flashes throughout that time. I go from being drenched in a dripping sweat to having severe chills. With every fiber of my being, I loathe life. Someday, I will muster the courage to kill myself.

The doctor I went to on Tuesday gave me estrogen patches for the hot flashes, but they haven't helped.

I am ready to die. I have no reason to live. I have never had any reason to live, and I do not foresee ever having any reason to live.


2012/08/17 08:05 Friday

Made it through the work week. Am somewhat surprised that I am even able to drive, as tired as I am, but I made it home in one piece.

Will be going to bed within the half-hour. Am so tired that I'm thinking I might sleep until tomorrow morning.

Am draining the battery on my iPhone. Have read that the battery should be drained once a month. Haven't drained it yet since I got it, though. The battery life on the 4S seems to be better than it was on the 3GS. Am not going to stay up until it finishes draining. Will plug it in sometime during the day. I wake up with hot flashes several times during the night (during the day, this week), and will plug it in at some point when that happens.


2012/08/16 10:55 Thursday

Had blood drawn this morning. Got about 45 minutes of sleep before my appointment. After the blood draw, I ate and went back to bed for about another 45 minutes. Had a haircut appointment.

Am too tired to read the news. Am off to get ready for bed.


2012/08/15 07:15 Wednesday

Have to shower and hit the sack before I drop from exhaustion.


2012/08/14 12:30 Tuesday

The doctor ordered bloodwork, as I expected he would. One of the tests is for cortisol, and that requires a morning test. I didn't think to ask him if my working graveyard would throw that off.

Haven't read the news yet, but am too tired. I need to send a quick reply to an email from my friend Jim from Tulsa, and then get to bed.


2012/08/13 15:40 Monday

Haven't been able to get much sleep so far today. Fell asleep right after going to bed, but before long was awakened by the landscape people mowing the lawn. Fell back asleep, but then the doctor's office called to confirm my appointment tomorrow. Couldn't get back to sleep for quite a while after that. Finally got up and had something to eat. Went back to bed, and had trouble falling asleep again. Finally got back to sleep, but then Amy from College Cyclery called to see how I am doing. She and her husband Randy had run into Ernie, the president of the cycling club, and Ernie had told them I have been having health issues. Haven't been able to get back to sleep since then.

When I was having dinner with my sister and Mike the other day, my sister mentioned that she is going to fly to San Diego to see a cousin and the cousin's husband. Our cousin is footing the bill for the ticket. There was talk about how the relatives on that side of the family are doing. They have kept in touch with my sister. None of the relatives on either side of the family have ever expressed any interest in keeping in touch with me. It makes me bitter, but then, I suppose that is the price I pay for being a loner. On the other hand, maybe they wouldn't care even if I weren't a loner.

At least some people care about me to at least some extent. I have had a few people from the cycling club email me with good wishes regarding my health, and it was nice of Amy to call.


2012/08/13 07:35 Monday

Managed to survive work. Managed to make it home. Managed to shower. Am off to bed.


2012/08/12 11:50 Sunday

Slept only 11 hours last night. Woke up due to a hot flash at about 8am, and decided to get up instead of trying to go back to sleep after it passed. Am planning on going back to bed soon to try to get more sleep before having to be at work at 9pm.

Have been feeling weak and disoriented today, but went to Costco for gasoline and a few grocery items. Don't know how I will make it through work tonight, even if I am able to get more sleep.


2012/08/11 20:20 Saturday

Went to dinner with my sister from Reno and my other sister's ex-husband. Mike is in town taking care of some things at his deceased mother's house. It was nice to have dinner with them, but the whole time I felt on the verge of falling over.

Am off to get ready for bed now. It is way past my bedtime. Maybe I should try to stay up late in order to shift my sleeping schedule in preparation for starting the graveyard shift tomorrow night, but I am simply too tired. I don't know how I will be able to stay up all night long for the next two weeks.


2012/08/11 14:40 Saturday

Am so exhausted that I could barely stand up in the shower.

Am scheduled to work graveyard shift the next two weeks for training on printing media such as orderfilling tickets. Don't know how I will survive it. Graveyard shift is hard on the body, and I am barely surviving as it is.


2012/08/11 14:10 Saturday

My landline phone rang earlier today. Caller ID showed that the call was from Tina's daughter. I went ahead and answered the phone, but there was no response. I suppose it was an accidental dial.


2012/08/11 14:05 Saturday

Went back to bed after being up for only a couple of hours. Laid there in a half-awake fog for about 1 1/2 hours, then got up and ate lunch. Am still so exhausted that I am staggering.


2012/08/11 09:50 Saturday

Slept 17 hours last night. Would have slept longer, but a hot flash woke me up.


2012/08/10 16:05 Friday

Am so exhausted that I am staggering. Am going to bed now.

My Chick-fil-A T-shirt and car shade were just delivered. Am thankful that the FedEx guy arrived before I went to bed.


2012/08/09 20:25 Thursday

When I go to bed, I always lay there steeping in a bitter hatred of life until I fall asleep. Sometimes it takes me longer to fall asleep than at other times.


2012/08/09 19:30 Thursday

Had to shower tonight.... Wasn't sure I would make it through that. Have been getting more and more weak, and had a weak spell in the shower. I might have an inner ear problem, in addition to whatever else is wrong with me. Sometimes when I move my jaw, there is a sensation that is kind of like gristle popping. My head has been spinning even more, too. I go to the doctor on Tuesday. Maybe I'll be able to hold on that long. I still have a death wish, though, so if I were to die, that would be fine. I just don't want to go through life feeling like death warmed over.


2012/08/08 20:00 Wednesday

Am getting to bed late. Spent too much time reading the news, Facebook, and Twitter. Actually, I don't spend much time reading tweets, but sometimes there are links to good articles in the cycling news world.


2012/08/07 19:30 Tuesday

Yesterday evening, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who was my best friend in Tulsa for years. He is the best friend I have ever had. This morning, as is my custom, I looked at Facebook as I was waiting to clock in at work. I saw a post by him, and started to cry. I hadn't thought about how painful it would be to have reminders of days gone by. We parted ways when I left Tulsa and he started dating the woman who is now his wife.

My health continues to deteriorate. My balance problems are getting worse, and my legs were very weak most of the day.


2012/08/06 18:25 Monday

It is getting harder and harder to function due to my health issues. Will be going to the doctor on the 14th. That seems like a long time away.


2012/08/05 18:35 Sunday

Didn't feel up to riding today either. At one point when I laid down to rest, my head felt very strange. It is hard to explain. It felt almost as though my brain was swelling. Have been losing my balance a lot again today, too.

My downstairs neighbor is driving me batty. She doesn't have the slightest clue when it comes to computers, and she asks me questions that are so off-the-wall that sometimes I don't even know where to start in answering them. I've gotten to the point at which I often just groan, "I don't know."

I really just want death in the form of absolute and eternal oblivion. By that, I mean that I want my consciousness to be annihilated forever. Maybe I would change my mind if I were to meet Christ after death, and maybe by that point it would be too late. However, at least if my consciousness were to be annihilated forever, regret wouldn't be possible.


2012/08/04 18:50 Saturday

Listened to the rest of the sermon that I didn't finish listening to earlier. Am caught up on sermons now.

Read an article earlier today about a beauty pageant for transexuals. I cannot imagine why anyone would want to go from being a male to a female. I cannot imagine why anyone would want to be female. I absolutely loathe being female, and absolutely loathe everything that is feminine.


2012/08/04 18:05 Saturday

I absolutely loathe children. There is at least one particularly obnoxious child in the complex who screeches very frequently. Someday, I will get up the courage to kill myself, in part to escape children.

Have been exhausted and light-headed all day, and have been having balance problems. Have spent quite a bit of time in bed. Managed to get a few loads of laundry done and to go to Costco for milk and fruit.

Didn't feel up to riding today. Maybe I will be able to ride tomorrow, but I am giving up hope of riding again in the near future. Maybe the doctor I will be going to on the 14th will be able to help me.

Listened to a couple of sermons and part of a third one. Am thankful for sermons on the Internet.


2012/08/03 15:50 Friday

Just now ordered a T-shirt and a car shade from Chick-fil-A. I've been wanting to get a car shade for a while now, but I hate shopping so much that I had been putting off looking for one, even online. Then I saw a Facebook link to shopchick-fil-a.com, and when I looked around in the Gifts section, lo and behold, I found a car shade. The nearest Chick-fil-A restaurant is in Folsom, which is over two hours away, so I won't be eating there. The T-shirt and car shade will serve to make a statement, though.


2012/08/02 17:20 Thursday

Still have intermittent sensations of heartburn without any other indigestion symptoms. Also, when I have hot flashes, my heart races and pounds hard, and sometimes I feel very weak during them. Maybe I won't have to muster up the courage to kill myself. Maybe I'll drop dead from a heart attack.


2012/08/02 06:25 Thursday

Being a felon doesn't just carry a stigma; if my job were to be cut, I wouldn't be able to find another decent job. I got lucky and was hired on with the company I work for before they stopped hiring felons. I have looked around at times for a different job, and nowhere I have looked hires felons. Perhaps I could get a job at Goodwill making $8 an hour, but that would not be enough. If my job were to be cut, suicide would definitely be my best option. Of course, I would somehow have to muster up the courage to do it, which would be easier said than done.


2012/08/01 20:15 Wednesday

Can't sleep. It is 84 degrees in my apartment, so I want to leave the windows open in the hope that it will cool off some. However, there are children making a lot of noise in the common area. Some people think that the sound of children's voices is charming, but I loathe the noise they make and also everything else about them. It makes me angry that adult-only apartment complexes are not legal, with the exception of complexes that have 80% or more residents age 55 or older. The impossibility of escaping children is just one more factor pushing me toward suicide.


2012/08/01 18:30 Wednesday

Just read on rgj.com that a man who murdered his parents and wounded his brother was acquitted on grounds of insanity. That deepens my bitterness very strongly. He was acquitted of murder, but I ended up going to jail and then prison for nothing more than sending emails even though it was clear to everyone involved that I was mentally ill. I will carry the stigma of being a felon for the rest of my life. It cannot be argued that the judge who sent me to prison did not know I was mentally ill, as she mandated mental health treatment as part of my sentencing. What was done to me was just plain wrong, every step of the way.

Still haven't heard from Tina, and I don't expect to. She even de-friended me on Facebook. Her behavior also deepens my bitterness very strongly. Over the years, I had been there for her, and I spent over $5000 on her. I went that amount in debt to help her. So much for friendship.

Is it any wonder I don't trust people?

Years ago, I took out an AD&D policy through my credit union with Tina as the beneficiary. I wanted her to have something if I got killed riding a bicycle, so that she wouldn't be stuck without any money. It was only $7 every three months, and it was a $25,000 policy. I called today and canceled it, but then decided to call back and reinstate it with a different beneficiary. The cancellation wouldn't have taken effect until midnight, so they revoked the cancellation. They are sending me a form to change the beneficiary. I might name my sister's ex-husband who lives in Vegas, because in the past he went above and beyond to help me.


2012/07/31 18:00 Tuesday

Am exhausted, weak, and dizzy. Came straight home from work. Ate and read the news. Now I have to shower. I really just want to collapse into bed, but I didn't shower last night, so I don't have a choice.


2012/07/30 19:30 Monday

Went by Costco for gasoline and a few grocery items after work today. That took all the energy I had left. Was too tired even to walk to the mailbox. Have been feeling weak as well as exhausted.

Will probably wait until the Friday afternoon before my week off to adopt a cat. It will be difficult to get enough rest while I am on the graveyard shift, even without a pet in the house. Also, waiting until my vacation time would allow me to spend more time with the cat during its first adjustment time.

A couple of people have responded to my request to transfer the Tour de Tahoe entry. Hopefully it will work out with one of them.

I can't wait to crawl into bed.


2012/07/29 16:50 Sunday

Did a few loads of laundry, then went to the pet store for a new litter box and new bowls. I had asked the vet if I should worry about the possibility of another cat catching whatever Faith had. He didn't think it would be an issue, but he did say to get rid of the litter box and get a new one.

Will be working the 7am-3:30pm shift for the next two weeks, and then will be on graveyard for two weeks. After that, will be back on the 7am shift. Then I will be off work September 1-10. Planned to be off work to rest up before the Tour de Tahoe, and to take off the day after it. Will still take the week off, even if I don't ride.

Have been woozy today. Am going to get ready for bed now. Am hoping to be asleep by 5:30pm.


2012/07/29 13:40 Sunday

Slept only about 9 1/2 hours last night. Had trouble falling asleep, and then woke up early due to a hot flash and couldn't get back to sleep.

Sorted through the unread mail that was on the living room floor, and cleared it out. Am thinking I might go to the Nevada Humane Society on Friday and look for a cat. I could get one free if I were to adopt one before the 31st, due to a promotion going on at NHS, but I want to wait until Friday. For one thing, I would like to pick up the window-unit air conditioner from my coworker before bringing a cat home. My plan is to adopt on a Friday, for two reasons. One, I leave work at 1:30pm on Fridays, and that would give me time to adopt a cat and take it straight to the vet for a checkup. That might minimize the trauma to the cat. Once it is home, I want to let it stay home. Another reason is that adopting on a Friday would give me the weekend to spend with it before having to go back to work.

Have posted in a couple of places online that I want to transfer my Tour de Tahoe entry to someone else. I don't see any way that I would be able to ride it. Even if the Amberen were to work for me, it might be two weeks before I see any real improvement, which would leave me just three weeks to train for a 72-mile ride. If I can't find someone who wants to buy it, I will try to change my entry from the 72-mile ride to the boat ride across the lake and 35-mile ride. A 35-mile ride wouldn't be very challenging.


2012/07/28 10:10 Saturday

Slept about 14 1/2 hours last night. Would have slept longer, except a reminder went off on my cell phone. Laid in bed about another 45 minutes after that trying to muster up the energy to get out of bed.

While I was laying in bed before falling asleep last night, I had a heartburn-like sensation in my chest, but I didn't have any other symptoms of heartburn. Maybe I should have the ultrasound on my heart ordered by the doctor that I had been going to after all. Or maybe I should just pray that I will have a heart attack and die. The latter approach sounds better to me.


2012/07/27 17:10 Friday

Made it through another work week. I really hate life.

The Amberen arrived today. Was looking at their website, and according to it, all of the health issues I have are symptoms of menopause. Am hoping against hope that the Amberen will help. I loathe being female.

Am going to try to get my apartment clean enough to give a cat a good home. After Faith passed away, I gave up on trying to keep the living room free of clutter.

There is an event tomorrow on the new I580. There will be cyclists, runners, walkers, and cars. I will not be participating. I have a fear of heights, and will never travel on I580 because of the bridges.

Am exhausted, as usual. Am off to bed.


2012/07/26 16:55 Thursday

Didn't feel as tired today as I have been, but there has been even more dizziness. Am afraid to shower due to the dizziness, but I have to.


2012/07/25 16:45 Wednesday

Yet another day of exhaustion and dizziness. Am planning on being in bed no later than 5:30pm.

Went to Costco after work.

The Amberen has shipped, and I had it sent via FedEx 2-day delivery. It should be here Friday. Amberen is expensive. I hope it works.


2012/07/24 18:50 Tuesday

Seen on Facebook and shared by me: "I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me."

Read a little more on the Amberen website. There is a chance that the Amberen could help with my health problems that are symptomatic of a thyroid problem. Dare I hope?


2012/07/24 17:50 Tuesday

I really hate life.

Cancelled the tests that the MD I had been going to ordered, and made an appointment with the doctor whom Amy recommended. Unfortunately, the earliest new patient appointment they had available is on August 14th. Don't know if I can hold on that long.

Went to the followup with the DC today. He wanted to order about $500 worth of tests, and I doubt that my insurance would cover them if they were ordered by a DC, assuming that he could even order them. On top of that, I would have had to pay for further treatment. I didn't bother to ask how much that would be. One thing he recommended was treatment with exercises that would supposedly stimulate areas of my brain. Sounds like new-age snake-oil to me.

One of my sisters told me about an over-the-counter product called Amberen that has helped ease her hot flashes. I went to their website and ordered some this evening. I didn't notice something on their website until after I had ordered it. It said to consult with a doctor before taking it if you have a severe thyroid disorder. I don't know if I have a severe thyroid disorder or not, but I am going to take the Amberen anyway. I am desperate and at the end of my rope.

Picked up Faith's ashes today. I miss her very much. I want another cat, but with my health issues the way they are, I wouldn't feel up to giving a cat the attention it should have.

I had taken Faith to Klaich Animal Hospital, and I believe they have very good vets there. Also, they hardly charged me anything because even though they put forth their best efforts, Faith still passed away.

It is past my bedtime, and I still have to shower. I hope I don't fall over in the shower. I have been dizzy on and off all day.


2012/07/23 18:20 Monday

I just remembered that Amy at College Cyclery told me she had a friend with Hashimoto's thyroiditis, and that she had told me who the friend's doctor is. I looked up that doctor, and he is in-network for my insurance plan. I'll sleep on it, but I might just cancel the tests that my current doctor has ordered, and go to the other doctor.


2012/07/23 18:10 Monday

So much for the doctor I have been going to. He is as bad as the nurses at the previous doctor I was going to. I told him that I am only able to ride once or twice a week due to the exhaustion, but when I do ride, I feel better during and after the ride. I went on to emphasize that I feel absolutely awful the next day. After a minute or two of continued discussion, he then asked me if there is anything I do that makes me feel better or worse. I then repeated myself about the riding and my physical reactions to it. Then, after I left, he posted on the patient portal that I feel that I am not recovering as well as I would like after riding. I guess I didn't hammer the issue into his head as well as I thought I had. I did tell him right off the bat that my health is so bad that I am starting to wonder if I am going to die from whatever is wrong with me. I am too irritated to post a response tonight. I will hold my tongue until tomorrow. He ordered more blood tests and a cardiac ultrasound. I'll go back to him once more for the results of the tests, but it is very likely that I will be looking for a different doctor again.


2012/07/22 17:15 Sunday

Wasn't sure I would be able to stay upright in the shower. Lost my balance more than once. The shower has glass sliding doors, and I am afraid that one of these days I will fall into them.


2012/07/22 15:55 Sunday

Had trouble falling asleep last night. Managed to drag myself out of bed in time for the ride and party, though. Felt exhausted, and riding didn't help. My mileage was only 12.07 miles at an average speed of only 14 mph, with a maximum of 31.5 mph. I was designated as the sweep rider, and there were a couple of slow women I stayed behind. We didn't have time to do the full ride that was planned. I really didn't feel up to riding anyway. Headaches are unusual for me, but I had one during the ride. Have felt in a fog all day long.

Have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow afternoon. It is with the real doctor, not the DC. Have an appointment with the DC on Tuesday. I'm not planning on going back to the DC after that. The appointment on Tuesday is included in the fee I paid for the evaluation.

Am planning on being in bed no later than 5:30pm.


2012/07/21 18:50 Saturday

Have stayed up too late this evening. My head is spinning. Had things I needed to do, though.

Did seven loads of laundry, which was three weeks worth. Paid bills. Updated the ride leader spreadsheet for the cycling club. As the ride coordinator, I am supposed to keep track of who leads rides, as the club now gives a bike shop gift certificate to people who lead five or more rides.

There is a cycling club Yellow Jersey party tomorrow at Abel's Mexican Restaurant in Verdi. Club members will meet at the restaurant at 9am, take a leisurely ride, and then return to Abel's for brunch at 10:30am. We will watch the end of the Tour de France on Abel's TV until noon.

Had better get to bed ASAP. Don't know how I will feel in the morning, but I am going to try to make it to the ride and party.


2012/07/21 14:10 Saturday

My brother-in-law Mike called yesterday evening at about 6pm. He invited me to dinner with him and my niece. I was already in bed, and was too exhausted to get up and go with them.

Famous last words regarding not riding this morning.... when Mike called last night, I told him I didn't think I should ride, and he said he had been looking forward to riding with me. I had been looking forward to it also, so I told him I would see how I felt in the morning. He had to come by my place to pick up his bike regardless, so I told him if I felt up to it I would have both bikes loaded up when he arrived.

Managed to drag myself out of bed in time to get ready to ride, but wasn't sure whether or not I should. I was feeling a little shaky, and of course I was tired. I decided to go ahead and ride, though. Given the pattern of feeling better during and after riding, I had hopes that I would feel up to doing the ride. The pattern held, and I am glad I rode.

We drove to Bowers' Mansion again, and did the same ride we did last Sunday. The distance was 26.9 miles, and my average was 16.1 mph. My max speed was 31.3 mph.


2012/07/20 17:20 Friday

The exhaustion and dizzy spells continue.

My former brother-in-law had talked last Sunday about doing a ride this Saturday morning. I haven't heard from him, and I haven't called him, either. I was holding out hope that I might feel up to a ride, but since I wasn't sure I would, I didn't want to make plans.

Am off to bed now. If he calls, I'm going to have to tell him I won't be able to ride tomorrow.


2012/07/19 17:20 Thursday

Another day of exhaustion and dizzy spells. Am getting behind on the demands of life, as I just don't have the energy after work to do anything much other than read the news.

I did print some photos this afternoon for my downstairs neighbor. Her church, Faith Lutheran, is having a fund-raiser, and she asked me to donate some photos. I printed a few, and she will mount them on foam board.

Am off to bed.


2012/07/18 17:35 Wednesday

Stopped for gasoline after work, then went to Costco to pick up some fruit. Bought oranges and white-flesh peaches. Will have to go back in a few days for milk and some other groceries. Didn't want to get milk yet, as I still have about 1/2 gallon left, and Costco sells milk in packages of two one-gallon containers.

Was too tired to shower tonight, but had to anyway.

I have started wondering if I am going to die from whatever is wrong with me.


2012/07/17 17:05 Tuesday

Am not feeling much better today.

The psychiatrist gave me a month's worth of samples of the name-brand Zyprexa. I will take that for a time to see if my health improves.

Am off to get ready for bed.


2012/07/16 15:10 Monday

Have been absolutely exhausted and very dizzy all day. Am going to shower and get to bed very soon, hopefully by 4:30pm. There is a pattern. I can ride for a day or two, and I feel better during and after riding. Then, the day after, I am exhausted.

Went to the DC today. He reiterated that he thinks I have Hashimoto's thyroiditis. He also thinks I have some adrenal issues. He wants to put together a plan for dietary changes. He thinks gluten might be causing problems. He also thinks that I have been hypothyroid, and that my thyroid is now overreacting to the point at which I am hyperthyroid. The next appointment is covered by the fee that I paid today for the evaluation, so I will go back for that appointment on July 24th. Don't know if I will go back again after that. I have an appointment with the MD on July 23rd, and I will talk to him about what the DC said and go from there.

Have an appointment with the psychiatrist tomorrow.

Wasn't able to pick up Faith's ashes today, as they are not yet available. Maybe they will be available tomorrow. There isn't any rush, obviously; they are only her ashes. I miss her.


2012/07/15 17:40 Sunday

Finished the questionnaire. If I had done it last week, I would have cancelled the appointment. There is psychobabble in the questionnaire, and I despise psychobabble. Unfortunately, if I were to cancel the appointment now, I would still have to pay for it, as they require 48 hours' notice of cancellation. I should have just gone back to the MD. I will call tomorrow and make an appointment.


2012/07/15 15:30 Sunday

Todays' ride with my former brother-in-law Mike was 26.88 miles at an average speed of 15.8 mph. That isn't too bad of an average. I didn't think we were riding that fast. My max speed was 32.6 mph. We didn't go on the Franktown loop on the way back, as Mike's triceps were really sore and he wanted to get back as soon as possible. He is used to riding his other bike, which has aero bars. The bike he brought up here from Vegas, which he hasn't ridden in about a year, has regular drop-style handlebars. With aero bars, the rider rests his entire forearms on bars that extend straight out over the front wheel. With drop bars, the rider is in a position that puts weight on the triceps.

I still haven't filled out the sheaf of paperwork for the DC appointment tomorrow. It is a very extensive health questionnaire. I'll probably be up late filling it out.


2012/07/15 12:35 Sunday

My mind hasn't gotten around the fact that Faith the cat is gone. When I got home from this morning's ride and parked my truck, I had a moment in which I looked forward to getting upstairs and being with Faith.


2012/07/14 18:25 Saturday

I am haunted by the fact that Faith died at the animal hospital. I can't help but wonder if she thought she had been abandoned by me and thus gave up her will to live. I am heartbroken by that possibility.


2012/07/14 17:15 Saturday

Got up early and did a ride with my sister's ex-husband. He is back in town to take care of burying Jolly and getting her house ready to rent. We started at Roy Gomm School and went out to Verdi. My mileage was 27.31 miles at an average speed of only 14.0 mph. My max speed was 32 mph.

Will be getting up early again tomorrow for another ride with him. We will drive to Bowers' Mansion, then ride on old 395 to Franktown Road, then take Franktown back to old 395, then to Eastshore to the 7-11, and then back the same way.

Am able to talk about Faith's passing without crying my eyes out now, but I still cry some, and am still among the walking wounded. I miss her very much.

Am off to shower and then to bed. Will be getting to bed later than I had wanted to.


2012/07/13 16:45 Friday

Made it almost all the way through the work day. Left only half-an-hour early. Just couldn't keep going.

I miss Faith the cat more than words can express.


2012/07/12 10:50 Thursday

Faith the cat passed away this morning. I am devastated. I had my hopes up that giving her nutrition through the feeding tube would pull her through. I am in a fog, and I keep breaking out in tears. I had to leave work early because I cannot function.


2012/07/11 19:25 Wednesday

Got sidetracked reading the news before showering. Then, after I had gotten into the shower, I was wishing I had waited until tomorrow to shower. I am very tired.

Am thinking I will pick up a crate like they use at the Humane Society. I still have the small litter box that they gave me when I adopted Faith, and I could leave her in the crate with the litter box in it. That way, she wouldn't have to be confined to the bathroom all the time. She would be able to be in the living room or the bedroom with me.

I can't afford the expense I am going to on Faith's behalf. I just keep going further and further into debt. It is hopeless.


2012/07/11 17:55 Wednesday

The vet is going to give Faith a feeding tube. I will be able to bring her home and try to nurse her back to health. It will be a challenge to use the feeding tube, as she hates to be handled. She likes to be petted, but whenever I have tried to pick her up, she has resisted strongly.

The vet still doesn't know what is causing the problem. He does know that without the feeding tube, she would starve to death. He doesn't know if she is not eating because of the liver problem, or whether she has a liver problem because she hasn't been eating. He thought for a while that it might be FIP (feline infectious peritonitis), but after some tests, he is less inclined to think that.

Am off to hit the shower. I would normally skip today, but I don't want to have to shower tomorrow after I bring Faith home. I want to spend as much time as possible with her, and also, I will have to confine her to the bathroom. If I were to let her have the run of the apartment, I wouldn't be able to catch her to feed her. The bathroom is barely large enough for her litter box and the bed I just bought her. I'm not sure how it will work out. I have to give it a try, though.

Didn't get the air conditioner today. My work neighbor didn't take it to work today. She wants me to pick it up at her house. Might pick it up tomorrow, but it wouldn't help keep the bathroom cool, so I might put off picking it up.

Am about to pass out from exhaustion. Had better get into the shower now and then get to bed.


2012/07/10 20:05 Tuesday

Can't sleep. I wonder how Faith is. I miss her, and I hope she doesn't feel abandoned because she isn't home. They probably have her sedated, since she has an IV, so she is probably sleeping. I've been praying for her.


2012/07/10 19:00 Tuesday

I'm numb. Maybe if I stay in that state, I'll be able to sleep after all.


2012/07/10 18:30 Tuesday

I guess it doesn't matter that I showered so late. I won't be able to sleep tonight anyway.

I'm alternating between shock, bitterness, and searing pain.

There is a chance that Faith will pull through, but liver problems are not to be taken lightly, and although the vet recommended treatment, he also said something to the effect that he didn't know how far we should go if she doesn't respond to treatment early on. He wants me to call him at 9am tomorrow for an update.

It is said that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. That doesn't hold true in my case. It hurts too much to lose those whom one loves.

No wonder my heart is so hard. The lessons I have learned from loving are that my soul will be burned at the very least, and that disaster is likely to strike if I allow myself to love.


2012/07/10 17:30 Tuesday

Just called the vet. Faith has a liver problem. They are going to put her on fluids overnight and see if that helps. He also said that her not eating will compound the liver problem. They may need to feed her with a tube. I very seldom cry, but this has me crying my eyes out.


2012/07/10 17:10 Tuesday

Faith the cat is at the vet's office. The apartment seems empty without her. I took her in right after work, and the vet wanted to keep her for a couple of hours to run blood tests. He suspects there is more to her not eating than just the heat. I am very worried about her.

The woman whose office is next door to mine at work is going to lend me a window-unit air conditioner. If it works well, I will buy it from her. The heat doesn't bother me, but it is probably too hot for Faith to be comfortable. It has been between 80 and 87 in my apartment the last couple of days.

Have been having dizzy spells on and off all day. Worse, I just now remembered that I need to shower today. I could have done that after getting home from the vet's office, but it slipped my mind that today is a shower day. Will have to shower after picking Faith up from the vet, assuming that the vet doesn't want to keep her overnight.


2012/07/09 17:55 Monday

Right after work, I took my truck in for an oil change. Then I went to Costco. Picked up some fruit called "black velvet apricot." Had never heard of it, but decided to give it a try. It is more like a plum than an apricot. I like it, but I was expecting something more like an apricot than a plum, so I am a tad disappointed.

Thought about listening to a sermon tonight, as there was a new one posted today, but am too tired. My head is spinning. Listened to a sermon last weekend. Something that comes to mind is that some drivers are so overly cautious that they scare me.

I rescheduled the appointment at Power Health today. I am going to go in next Monday instead of next Thursday. I will take the day off from work. I really need to get my health issues under control as soon as possible. I cannot go on like this much longer.

Braido's Deli has posted on their Facebook page that they will be extending their hours soon. They are looking for employees. I hope they find some good ones, and without delay.

Am off to get ready for bed before I fall off the chair.


2012/07/08 19:50 Sunday

Am not feeling well. In the shower, my head suddenly felt heavy and strange. The sensation eased up before long, but it is lingering slightly. Am off to bed. Hope I feel better in the morning.


2012/07/08 18:45 Sunday

Went back to bed for about an hour-and-a-half. When I got up, I decided not to let the exhaustion get the better of me. I went ahead and did a ride, even though it was already getting late. I decided to ride a minimum of 15 miles, and see if I felt up to doing more. I ended up doing 25.16 miles at an average speed of 13.5 mph. I was woozy starting at about 12 miles, but I didn't want to quit. I just drank more Cytomax, and that helped some.

I crashed at about ten miles because I couldn't get my right cleat out of the pedal when I came to a stop sign. After that, I had even more trouble than I have been having getting unclipped, in part because I was somewhat panicked a couple of times when I was trying to get unclipped. I have lost confidence in my ability to get unclipped, in part because the new cleat is much harder to get out of the pedal than the previous one.

Had better get in the shower and then get to bed. Have to be at work at 5am this month.


2012/07/08 12:45 Sunday

Woke up after about 11 hours of sleep. Petted Faith the cat for a time while still in bed. When I sat up, my head spun. Laid down again, and then slept for another 3 1/2 hours or so. Drank coffee, read the news, ate, and now I am considering going back to bed.


2012/07/07 19:30 Saturday

Am just now going to bed, and am really not even all that tired. That is surprising, given that it is about 7:30pm.

Am hoping to be able to ride again tomorrow. Will see how I feel.


2012/07/07 17:10 Saturday

My stubborness prevailed, and I did a 30.42-mile ride on my commuter bike. Wasn't sure I would be able to do the entire 30+ miles that I set out to do, but I didn't have too much trouble. I took it easy, though. Averaged 13.6 mph. I actually feel fairly good right now. I almost didn't ride today, but I'm very glad I did.

Was going to go to Braido's Deli today, but they were closed because the owners were at a concert their son was playing in. I'm glad I called before heading over there. I called to see if they had any jalapeno-cheddar rolls left, as my craving for one of those was why I wanted to eat there.


2012/07/07 12:40 Saturday

The exhaustion continues. Slept about 13 hours last night, and then after being awake for about four hours, had to go back to bed for about an hour.


2012/07/06 16:45 Friday

By about 11am, I was so exhausted that my head was spinning. It doesn't help that I have been extremely busy at work.

Faith the cat has hardly been eating anything at all lately. The woman who has the office next to mine at work says it is normal for cats not to eat when it is hot, but it worries me a lot that she hasn't been eating much. I had decided that if she didn't eat tonight, I was going to take her to the vet tomorrow. She didn't eat much of the canned food I gave her last night, but tonight, she finally ate a decent amount. She never has eaten much, so I didn't give her much canned food tonight. I gave her a heaping teaspoon, which is quite a bit for her. I took it into the bedroom where she would be able to smell it. She came out from underneath the bed and started expressing an interest in it. I ended up being trapped near the closet, as I didn't want to move. There was a good chance that if I had moved, it would have disturbed her, and she wouldn't have eaten. I waited patiently, dizziness and all, and that paid off. She ate all that I had given her. I'll give her more canned food mid-morning tomorrow. I leave kibble out all the time, and she used to eat that.

I am exhausted and need to get to bed before I fall over in the chair.


2012/07/05 17:40 Thursday

Started taking the olanzapine again this evening. The DC (Dr. Martin Rutherford at Power Health) said that the symptoms I had been attributing to the olanzapine could have been caused by a reaction to the Synthroid. I wasn't really comfortable going off the olanzapine, even for a short time, but I am getting desperate. The DC advised me to continue to take it, as he thinks there are other explanations for my exhaustion. He went into a little detail, but I am too tired to write about it tonight.

I will be going back to the DC for a full evaluation on July 19th. It will cost only $120, and it is likely that my FSA will reimburse me. I don't know how much it would cost for continuing treatment, though, if that were to be warranted.

Am off to get ready for bed now, before I pass out from exhaustion.


2012/07/04 17:15 Wednesday

Just checked Facebook one last time before getting ready for bed, and saw a posting by Curtis Fong (the promoter of the AMBBR and the Tour de Tahoe) about a bike ride he puts on called the Oatbran (One Awesome Tour Bike Ride Across Nevada). There was a video from the 1995 ride featuring Mike and Anita Alger. I didn't know they were cyclists.


2012/07/04 16:10 Wednesday

Even though it was getting late, I put my cycling gear on and was going to ride. Put my shoes on last, and then realized that a rubber gripper on one of my cleats was coming off. Put on a different pair of shoes that had the same type of cleat, and started off on a ride. It was the first time I had worn those shoes, and I found that I was having trouble getting the right-shoe cleat in the pedal. Also, once I got out of the apartment complex, I realized that the wind was blowing fairly hard. It hadn't looked that windy from my apartment, based on the motion of the trees. I turned around and went back to my apartment, not feeling up to fighting the wind and the cleat. When I got back, I tried putting the cleat in the pedal from a standing position with my left foot on the ground. I was able to force it to clip in, but it was very difficult to unclip it. I'm glad I hadn't gotten it clipped in while I was riding, as I might have crashed trying to get unclipped.

I have two spare sets of cleats, and put a new cleat on my regular right shoe. That one is a little hard to unclip also. New cleats are always more difficult to unclip than they are after some use, but I don't remember the old one being that difficult even when it was new. I took off again, intending to ride, but when I got out of the complex and hit the wind again, I decided against it. I just don't have it in me to fight the wind and the new cleat. When I got home, I checked accuweather, and it reported a wind speed of 18 mph. As I write this, I am looking at the wind blowing the trees, and I see that the gusts are strong.

Will go to bed early again this evening, despite having slept so much last night and today. Am weak and tired.


2012/07/04 14:15 Wednesday

Slept about 15 1/2 hours last night. Got up, drank coffee, ate, read the news, and showered. Then went back to bed for over two hours.

Have decided to stop taking the Olanzapine until I see the psychiatrist on the 17th. That will be taking a risk, but I think the Olanzapine is contributing heavily to the exhaustion and weight gain, and I simply cannot continue as is.


2012/07/04 11:45 Wednesday

Am trapped. I loathe being alive, but as it stands now, I don't have the courage to off myself.


2012/07/04 10:30 Wednesday

Have the day off from work today. Am planning on attempting 30 miles on my commuter bike.

Had the sliding glass door to my balcony open, but had to close it right after I got out of bed. Some neighbors were making a lot of noise on their balcony. I hate noisy people.


2012/07/03 16:15 Tuesday

It isn't even 4:30pm, but I am going to get ready for bed.


2012/07/03 15:30 Tuesday

Still no new sermons. Am getting quite concerned.

Really want to get back on a bike, but am way too tired. Will rest up and hopefully be able to do a ride tomorrow.


2012/07/02 19:20 Monday

Made it through the cycling club board meeting. Toward the end, my head started spinning. Can't go on like this much longer.

Tried to reschedule the psychiatrist appointment, but the earliest they would have been able to get me in if I were to go during my work hours was on the 16th. Kept the appointment for the 17th.


2012/07/02 16:00 Monday

Why does she think I want to listen to her drone on and on? She is engaging in a monologue. No participation required on my part.

I finally cut her off midstream and told her I had to go. Just couldn't take it any longer.


2012/07/02 15:50 Monday

Downstairs neighbor is rambling on and on and on. Have her on speakerphone. Finished reading the news during the rambling session. I just want to be left alone.

Have a cycling club board meeting tonight. I really don't want to go. As I stated, I just want to be left alone.


2012/07/01 17:10 Sunday

Good thing I did not attempt to ride. It took all I had just to shower.

Have decided to try to get in to see the psychiatrist before my scheduled appointment on July 17th. I had requested a time after work, but have decided to take time off from work if they can get me in sooner. I cannot go on like this much longer. The time to the 17th seems like forever.


2012/07/01 16:00 Sunday

Decided against riding. Just don't have it in me. Am going to shower and get to bed right after that.


2012/07/01 13:35 Sunday

Did laundry and took out the trash. Am worn out, but am stubbornly thinking about riding anyway.


2012/07/01 10:20 Sunday

Called the mail-order pharmacy that is on my insurance plan yesterday to price the name-brand Zyprexa. They said the cost would be a $200 copay and an ancillary charge of over $1000. They said it might be possible to get an ancillary override so that I would just have to pay the $200. I have an appointment on July 17th to see a psychiatrist, and will ask her to initiate the process. I am thinking that I have both a thyroid issue and an issue with the generic olanzapine.


2012/06/30 16:25 Saturday

Despite being so tired, I decided to do a ride. Did 30.39 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.8 mph. That isn't fast, but I had thought the average would be slower than that. I was taking it easy due to the fatigue. By about 23 miles, I was feeling woozy. Managed to hang on and do 30+ miles, though. That is always my goal for the weekends when I ride my commuter bike.

Wanted to go to Braido's for a sandwich after my ride, but when I called to see if they still had any jalapeno-cheddar rolls, their recording said that they were closed today so that they would be able to attend the Relay for Life event at Reno High School.

Am planning on going to bed before long. Was going to do laundry this afternoon, but didn't have the energy. Will have to do it tomorrow.


2012/06/30 10:30 Saturday

Am exhausted. Went back to bed at about 10am. Unfortunately, within a few minutes after that, a U-Haul pulled up right outside my bedroom window. Now there is the noise of people moving furniture and talking loudly. So much for taking a much-needed nap.

Looked up when I started taking the generic of Zyprexa, and when I started on 50mcg of Synthroid (I had been on 25mcg initially). Both were about the same time that I became more tired and gained a lot of weight suddenly. I had blamed the Synthroid, but now I am thinking that my sister hit the nail on the head with the suggestion that the generic Zyprexa (Olanzapine) could be to blame.


2012/06/30 09:10 Saturday

Yesterday, I was talking with my sister from Austin about the fact that I am now taking the generic form of Zyprexa, and she suggested that perhaps taking the generic is resulting in the fatigue. That was a good point. I'm not sure, but it seems as though the fatigue and other problems got worse about the same time as I started taking the generic. I will go back through my posts and see if I can find a correlation in timing.


2012/06/30 08:15 Saturday

I wrote yesterday that my niece's staying alone at Jolly's house sounds like a guaranteed disaster. However, there really isn't a good solution to the problem of her drug use.

I gave her my cell and landline numbers, and told her to call me anytime, day or night. Last night at 3:24am, my cell phone rang, and I was afraid it would be her in crisis. When I answered, a male voice demanded, "Who are you?" I responded, "I should be asking you that; you called me." He then said, "Wrong number." I hope it was a coincidence, and that my phone number hasn't fallen into the hands of some drug dealer.

Alta Alpina wouldn't refund the registration fee for the ride I was going to do today. They said if I couldn't find someone to whom I could transfer my registration, they would give me a credit toward next year's ride. However, I was able to transfer it to someone. It is good that I wasn't planning on doing the ride, as I haven't been able to get enough sleep the last few days.


2012/06/29 20:15 Friday

Am very thankful that it is Friday and I will be able to rest this weekend. I had only about 4.5 hours of sleep last night. Most of the family have left. My sister from Austin is still here, and her daughter is also. My sister will be leaving tomorrow or Sunday, and my niece will be staying at Jolly's for at least two weeks. That sounds like guaranteed disaster. My niece is very likely to relapse into drug use. There was a confrontation at the house about the wisdom of her staying there alone due to that likelihood. It got very ugly.

My sister's ex-husband brought a bike up here and we are planning on doing some rides when he comes back in a couple of weeks. I brought the bike over to my apartment so that my niece won't have the opportunity to sell it for drug money.

Haven't heard from Tina. I assume that means that she and her girlfriend are back together. I guess I don't really care any more what happens to her. I'm done helping her out.

Am going to get ready for bed. I'm about to collapse.


2012/06/28 21:15 Thursday

Had kind of a rough day at work. Was pressed for time. Worked only four hours today. Came home and showered before the memorial service for Jolly. It was a nice service. Several people spoke about her. There was a photo collage, and a few photos that were enlarged.

After the service, we went to the house of my sister who lives in Reno. My sister from Austin and I talked for quite a while. She is very concerned about her daughter who has a drug addiction. The daughter has been in and out of rehab a number of times. The problems associated with the daughter's addiction are tearing my sister apart. She doesn't know what to do. I feel very sorry for her.

We had another family dinner tonight. It was good to spend time with the family. It is somewhat surprising that I feel that way.

I will be going to Jolly's tomorrow after work. Her son wants to give me some house plants, for one thing, and for another, it will be good to see everyone again before they leave.

No new sermons have been posted for a while. I worry when sermons aren't posted for some time.

Am exhausted. It is way past my bedtime, and I have to be at work at 5am. Didn't get enough sleep last night, and won't get enough sleep tonight, either.


2012/06/27 20:50 Wednesday

Am glad I went to the dinner. I enjoyed being with the family. I had planned to shower tonight because I might be up past my bedtime with the family tomorrow, but am too tired. Will leave work earlier tomorrow than I had planned, and will shower before the service.

My sister's ex-husband listed my sisters and me as survivors of Jolly (Yolanda Kearney) in the obituary. That was nice of him.

I feel as though I am about to pass out from exhaustion, so I had better get to bed now.


2012/06/27 17:50 Wednesday

Am exhausted, but am planning on going to a family dinner tonight at 6:30. That plan may change, though. I really am very, very tired.


2012/06/26 18:00 Tuesday

Jolly's service is set for 2pm on Thursday. I have rescheduled the appointment with the DC to the following Thursday.

Am exhausted yet again today. Managed to eat, scan the news online quickly, and shower. As I have written before, I hate showering because I loathe my body and while I am in the shower I cannot ignore the fact that I am female.

Last night, I was so cold in between hot flashes that I had to use my down comforter on top of the two blankets and comforter that I normally sleep with. That is in addition to sleeping in sweat pants, a sweatshirt, and thick wool socks. Also, the temperature in my apartment was 73 degrees when I got up to get the down comforter.

Life goes on, and my hatred of being alive goes on.


2012/06/25 17:55 Monday

Made an appointment with the DC today. It is scheduled for Thursday at 4:45pm. That is subject to change, though, as family commitments may conflict, depending on when the service for Jolly ends up being.

Am exhausted again today. Got home from work at 4pm, ate and read the news, and then got ready for bed. There are things I need to take care of, but I'm just too tired.

This is no way to live. If my health doesn't improve soon, I will just have to muster the courage to kill myself. Maybe I'll have to do that even if my health does improve.


2012/06/24 13:40 Sunday

I am exhausted and overwhelmed. Slept over 12 hours last night, and still had to take a long nap. Had to take a long nap yesterday also. Won't be riding today, as I am too tired.

Emailed the Alta Alpina Cycling Club, the club that is putting on the ride next weekend, and asked to cancel my registration. I don't know whether or not they will give me a refund. Typically, ride promoters will not refund entry fees. Even if they won't, I am still not going to do the ride. My health is just too poor to try it.


2012/06/24 09:30 Sunday

The phrase "functional medicine" probably doesn't mean anything that any doctor doesn't do. One would expect any doctor to take the various systems of the body into account. The DC in the video did seem to have quite a bit of knowledge about thyroid issues, though. I did a google search, and found that he has several domain names, but didn't find out much else. Also, I took another look at my insurance provider website, and found that one of his associates is listed as a provider. Maybe he is a provider also but wasn't listed. I hope so. I guess I'll go ahead and make an appointment.


2012/06/23 18:15 Saturday

One of my sisters just called to tell me Jolly died. I had been intending to call Jolly and go to lunch with her, but hadn't done so. I feel bad about not having been in contact with her, but I just need too much time alone to have spent time with her. Perhaps that seems selfish, but it is a matter of survival. Survival is hard enough as it is.

Did 15.81 miles on my commuter bike today, and then came home and did 15 miles on the trainer. Got tired of dealing with the wind outdoors, and with the pedestrians that were crossing the road without even looking. There was a Weight Watchers gathering at Virginia Lake, and apparently a number of the participants were oblivious. My average speed on my commuter bike was only 12.7 mph. My average speed on the trainer was also very slow; it was 13.5 mph. Listened to a sermon while on the trainer. Picked one from 2010 more or less at random. It had a lot of story-telling.

A while back, I registered for a 64-mile ride in the Woodfords-Markleeville area. The ride is next Saturday. I will probably try to cancel my registration. I just haven't felt up to training for it. My health has gotten worse and worse.


2012/06/23 08:15 Saturday

Dare I get my hopes up that the DC will be able to resolve the problem with my exhaustion? I am on pins and needles about the possibility that I may finally have my health issues resolved before long.


2012/06/23 07:40 Saturday

There may be hope for my health issues after all. Although my thyroid levels are normal, I have the typical symptoms of thyroid problems. It has occurred to me that it might be possible that although my blood levels of thyroid hormones are normal, perhaps those hormones are not being absorbed by my system.

This morning, I did a google search, and found a website with a video that discusses thyriod issues. The speaker is a DC, and he spoke of "functional medicine" in which the various systems of the body are taken into account. He noted that thyroid levels may be normal, but there may still be issues with the body not absorbing the thyroid hormones. Thank the Lord, his office (Power Health) is here in Reno. I will be calling first thing Monday morning to schedule an appointment.

He isn't listed as a provider on my insurance plan, but neither is the psychiatrist, and if the DC can figure out what is wrong with me, I won't have to go to the psychiatrist. I doubt that the DC would be any more expensive than the psychiatrist, and the initial consultation for the DC is free. The psychiatrist charges $300 for the initial visit, and between $75 and $200 for followups. My primary care provider is currently prescribing Zyprexa for me, so a psychiatrist won't be necessary if the DC can resolve my health issues. I don't think that the psychiatrist would be able to do anything about the exhaustion anyway. I still have quite a bit of FSA funds that I will lose if I don't use them by the end of the , so at least I will be able to be reimbursed for the cost of going to the DC.


2012/06/22 16:30 Friday

Had to skip riding yet again today. Am exhausted and dizzy. Will be in bed by 5pm.

Had an endodontist appointment after work. He is referring me to a TMJ specialist.


2012/06/21 19:00 Thursday

Finally scheduled an appointment with a psychiatrist. Either something has to be done to alleviate the exhaustion, or I have to get up the courage to kill myself. I would prefer to kill myself, as even if the exhaustion were to be alleviated, I would still have no reason to live, and life would still be loathesome and full of drudgery. Nothing will change that. Unfortunately, I just don't have the courage to kill myself. If I were able to ride more, though, at least the desire to die wouldn't have the same burning intensity.

The earliest appointment I could get was on July 17th. Maybe I'll muster up the courage to kill myself before then. Besides, I don't hold out any hope that she will be able to solve the problem of my exhaustion.


2012/06/21 18:35 Thursday

Installed Adobe Reader on my neighbor's computer. As I told her, it wasn't necessary to disable the anti-virus software. She needed Adobe Reader to open a draft of a flyer for a spaghetti dinner fundraiser her church is putting on. She showed me the flyer, and invited me to go. I declined, and told her that I really don't like socializing. Maybe she will get the hint. I've told her before, more than once, that I need as much time alone as possible, but that didn't ever sink in to her consciousness.


2012/06/21 17:35 Thursday

Am listening to my downstairs neighbor droning on and on and on. I called her to see if she needed a ride to the grocery store. She said a woman from her church will be taking her to a medical appointment tomorrow, and they will go to the grocery store tomorrow. Then she started off on a long monologue about her car, the women from her church, and her medical problems. I just want to escape.

Now I'm eating. I have her on speakerphone.

She told me that she needs to install Adobe Reader so she can open a pdf file. She started to install it, but it told her that she needed to disable the anti-virus software. I told her she probably didn't need to do that, but then she said that she wouldn't know what to do if it didn't work. Got her off the phone by telling her I would be down there in about 20 minutes. Would just as soon get it out of the way tonight. She has already ruined my evening by droning on and on interminably.

People from her church are going to help her get a new battery, and she will put a padlock on the hood so that even if someone pulls the hood latch inside the car, they won't be able to get the hood up.


2012/06/20 19:55 Wednesday

Went to Costco after work for gasoline and groceries. After that, I called my downstairs neighbor to see if she needed to go to the grocery store today. She didn't answer. I left a message. She called me back as I was getting out of the shower, but I didn't get to the phone in time. I am thankful that I didn't have to deal with her today, but on the other hand, the timing would have been better to take her to the store today. I have things I need to do, and with the exhaustion I face, there is precious little time for me to get things done. Besides, I just want to be alone.

Listened to a sermon this evening. I should count my blessings, but I still just want my life to be over and to have absolute and eternal oblivion.

The obnoxious noisemakers are creating noise pollution again this evening. Will have to leave the sliding glass door closed when I go to bed, even though I would like to leave it open to cool down the apartment. I don't have air conditioning, and I don't want Faith the cat to be too hot during the day.

Am off to bed. Sleep provides my only respite from the torments of life.


2012/06/19 18:40 Tuesday

Skipped the club meeting. Am tired, and even more so, I just want to be alone.

There continue to be vehicle breakins at the apartment complex. My truck hasn't been hit, but my downstairs neighbor's battery was stolen. She called me right after I got home and told me. Dealing with her is one more weight that I cannot bear. She thought I answered the phone the way I did just because I was tired, but it was even more so because I really did not want to talk to her. She was hoping I would take her to the grocery store. Thankfully, she said that she could tell I was tired and that she didn't need to go tonight. I am hoping she will find someone else to take her. She will need to get the door locks fixed on her car as well as getting the battery replaced, and she may not be able to do that right away. I really can't take the burden of dealing with her.

To put it crudely, life sucks. I hate every aspect of it. Words cannot describe how much I loathe life, nor how much I long for absolute and eternal oblivion.


2012/06/18 18:45 Monday

Was too tired to shower, but I did so anyway. Apparently, I didn't do a very good job of washing my scalp yesterday.

The obnoxious noisemakers are out in force this evening. I despise children and the noise they make.

I wish I had a gun so I could blow my brains out to escape life.


2012/06/18 17:40 Monday

Have been exhausted all day, and on top of that, I just don't want to deal with life any longer.

Tried to go to Costco after work, but when I was walking through the parking lot, I realized I couldn't find my American Express card, which is also my Costco card. One more frustration to deal with. After that, I went to a card shop to find a thank-you card, and couldn't find any I liked. Most of them were disgustingly foo-foo. I finally settled on a card that will just have to do.

Found my AmEx card on my computer table. At least I found it and didn't have to report it lost.

The monthly cycling club meeting is tomorrow. I doubt that I will go. I don't want to be around people. Besides, I will likely be too tired.

There are a lot of tasks that I am getting behind on, but I am just too exhausted to take care of them.

Why won't God just end my life? Over the years, I have begged fervently and frequently that He will have mercy on me and end my life. I am getting increasingly bitter that He won't have mercy on me.


2012/06/17 14:20 Sunday

Did 30.39 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.5 mph. That isn't fast, but it is faster than I thought my average would be. I was not in the mood to push myself. I was in a bad mood when I started, and to make matters worse, Greg, the rider I mentioned that rode a couple of laps with me yesterday, came and went to and from Virginia Lake while I was riding.

I did pray some during the ride, but I had to force myself. The natural inclination of my mind was to focus on the fact that I just want my life to be over, and that I just want absolute and eternal oblivion.

After the ride, I finally took a shower and cleaned my loathesome body.

Had to close the sliding glass door that leads to my balcony. There are children playing in the common area, and I cannot tolerate the noise. It makes me angry that adult-only apartment buildings are no longer legal. The law forces me to put up with other people's obnoxious noisemakers, and that is not right. People who have children should have to put up with the consequences of having them, even if that means they have trouble finding housing. I shouldn't have to put up with the consequences of their decisions to have children.


2012/06/17 09:45 Sunday

One thing my neighbor was talking about yesterday is her involvement with her church. It made me a little nostalgic about my time at the church from which I am in exile. Between that and the little bit of Bible study I did yesterday, I almost want to be back in a church. I know better, though. I am simply not capable of dealing with being in a church.

Did laundry this morning. Should have showered first thing, but I didn't. Should shower before I go for a ride, but I'm not going to. I'm disgusting, and I don't really care.

There is nothing in my life that would make it worth living. Everything is drudgery, at best, and loathesome, for the most part.


2012/06/17 07:50 Sunday

Dreamt last night that I was back in the church from which I am in exile, and that I was interacting with the pastor. Dreams about interacting with him are bittersweet.


2012/06/16 17:50 Saturday

Did 30.18 miles on my commuter bike. Average speed was only 13.1 mph. I was taking it very easy, and it was a little windy.

As I was riding around Virginia Lake, there were a couple of garage sales taking place. I noticed a dresser at one. I stopped to look at it, and it was priced at $125. I didn't want to pay that much, but it also said "make offer." As I continued to ride, I decided to offer them $80. On my last lap, I stopped and made the offer. They accepted it, and I gave them the money and told them I would be back with my truck in a few minutes. I'm glad I bought it when I did, because when I got back, they told me some other people had been interested in it. I wanted the dresser because I haven't had enough dresser space for all my socks and other things. I have been leaving a lot of things in my laundry baskets, which means I end up digging through the baskets during the week. That has been a pain in the neck, because everything has been mixed up together and it has been hard to find things.

I asked my downstairs neighbor if she would help me load and unload it. After we did that, I offered to take her out for a late lunch as a thank you for her help. That was a mistake. We went to the Black Bear Diner. The food was good, but I thought we would never get out of there. She talked, and talked, and talked instead of eating.

For some unknown reason, her aunt sent her a T-shirt to give to me. It has a goat riding a mountain bike on a trail, and it says, "Find your wild side in nature."

Tina just called to thank me again. She thanks me a lot, so it isn't as though she doesn't appreciate what I have done for her. It just offends me that she sold the bike, and it offends my sensibilities when she talks about things related to her homosexuality.

Because I took my neighbor out to eat and it took so long, I am not going to get laundry done today. I am just too tired to deal with it. That means I will have to get it done tomorrow.

I likely will not do the club ride tomorrow. It starts at 9am now, and that is earlier than I want to do anything on the weekends. Besides, it takes longer to do the club rides than to ride solo, as on club rides we regroup and we typically stop for restroom breaks. Also, on the Sunday ride, I ride to the starting point at Roy Gomm School, and get there early enough to take photos of the participants. All that extra time adds up.

On my ride today, I saw the guy I have mentioned before who I sometimes see riding at Virginia Lake. He was coming down Lakeside from the direction of Plumb and finishing up his ride. He rode a couple of laps with me, much to my dismay. I just wanted to be alone with God. I don't like riding with him anyway. He doesn't wear a helmet, he weaves around all over the road, even when cars are around, and at times he weaves over close enough to me that he almost hits me. He is the type of rider who gives cyclists a bad reputation.

I am tired. I should shower tonight, but am going to put that off. I just don't have the energy. I need to get ready for bed.


2012/06/16 11:45 Saturday

Got out of bed this morning at about 6:30am. By 10am, I was so exhausted that I had to go back to bed for over an hour. Wasn't able to sleep, but needed to rest. Am still exhausted.

While laying in bed, my thoughts drifted to the fact that some of my Facebook friends often post items indicating that they love their family members. I cannot imagine having grown up in a loving family. I cannot imagine what it would have been like to grow up feeling loved. I cannot imagine what it would be like to feel loved by others, or to feel love toward others. I finally learned to love enough for a relatively short time to love my cat Ilford and my sister's dog Shanti, but they passed away years ago, and what little capacity to love I had gained has faded away and I have more or less forgotten what it was like to love them. There have been a few men over the years toward whom I felt something akin to love, but in part given that I was not in my right mind for most of the time when I loved them, I have to say that those were not healthy feelings of love. I doubt that I will ever know what it is to feel a healthy sense of love.


2012/06/16 09:45 Saturday

In reading Matthew 7:13-14, the passage about the narrow gate, my soul was flooded with a desire to draw nearer to God. I do not want to go through the wide gate. Again, though, I do not see how heaven could be perfect for me. I do not want eternal life. Being in the presence of God would be indescribably awesome, but the drawbacks I have written of many times would make eternal life unspeakably awful.


2012/06/16 09:35 Saturday

Matthew 7:1-6 confuses me. That passage starts off by admonishing not to judge, but v.6 says not to give what is holy to dogs and so forth. How can we avoid giving what is holy to dogs unless we have judged the dogs as being dogs? In any case, v.7 makes me feel somewhat vindicated in planning not to maintain friendship with Tina.


2012/06/16 09:30 Saturday

Matthew 6:22-23 speaks of the eye as being the lamp of the body. Perhaps that refers to our outlook on life. If so, that would speak to my body being full of darkness, as my outlook on life is colored by bitterness.


2012/06/16 09:20 Saturday

Just got to Matthew 6:14-15, which speaks of forgiveness. I suppose I should forgive Tina. That might be possible, but her callousness in selling the bike will leave me bitter even if I come to forgive her for it, and I still won't want to maintain friendship with her. Helping her has been a bitter lesson for me, and that bitterness is unlikely to go away. Perhaps bitterness and forgiveness are mutually exclusive, though.


2012/06/16 09:05 Saturday

Have started reading the New Testament from the beginning again. This morning, I have been reading in the Sermon on the Mount. Matthew 5:39-42 speaks of such matters as turning the other cheek and going the extra mile. Perhaps that means I should forgive Tina and continue to help her no matter what. I'm not going to do that, though. I won't cut her off immediately, but over time I am going to lessen my contact with her. I have too little time alone as it is, and again, I am tired of hearing about her homosexuality.

I went to the Giant Bicycles website and downloaded a photo of the bike I bought her. If she ever tells me the bike got stolen, I will take the photo to bike shops and ask if they bought a bike like that from someone fitting her description. It wouldn't enable me to recoup my losses with respect to what I have done for her, but at least I would know if she were lying to me about it. It is still hard to believe that she sold the bike in the first place.


2012/06/15 20:25 Friday

Helped Tina get the bike back. The more I think about it, though, the more offended I am that she sold the bike, and the less I want to maintain friendship with her. Also, about all she ever talks about is her girlfriend and her attraction to women. I really don't want to hear about her homosexuality.

I would be very surprised if she didn't get back together with her girlfriend. Also, I would not be surprised if she sold the bike again, even though she says she wouldn't. After we picked up the bike from Velo Reno, she asked me if that shop was the only Giant dealer in Reno. I don't know why she would want to know that if she didn't have it in mind that she could sell it somewhere else. Maybe she will sell the bike and tell me it was stolen. I just don't trust her.

Perhaps anyone who reads this tires of reading what I have to write, just as I tire of hearing Tina talk about her on-again off-again relationship and her homosexuality. Maybe someday I'll learn to be a good conversationalist, but it wouldn't do to hold one's breath waiting for that. Maybe someday I'll learn to focus my thoughts on God again.

I'm off to bed. Am quite tired.


2012/06/14 18:00 Thursday

The exhaustion is back. I'm beat, and I still have to shower. Also, I have to be at work at 5am tomorrow, as we leave early on Fridays.

Tina and her on-again off-again girlfriend are still talking. Tina says they aren't back together again, though. The girlfriend doesn't want Tina to get the bike back because she thinks it is too expensive. More than likely, she doesn't want Tina to get it back because I gave it to her. She doesn't want Tina to have anything I gave her. Tina wants the bike back because it will be reliable transportation to and from work, unlike the cheap bike that the pedal fell off of. Tina sometimes works later on the weekends than the bus runs, and she can't always arrange rides from coworkers. A good thing about the bike is that it has disc brakes, which are much better than caliper brakes in inclement weather.

When Tina and I were talking about her getting the bike back, I went ahead and told her not to sell it again. If her girlfriend prevails, and Tina sells it again, that will be the end of our friendship. It is bad enough that she sold it once. It isn't as though I have the money to spare to help her out; I go into debt that much further every time I help her. Even if I had the money, it strikes me as exceedingly rude, for lack of a better word in my mental and physical exhaustion, to sell an expensive gift like that.

Enough is enough. I need to shower and collapse into bed.


2012/06/13 19:35 Wednesday

It has been a long day, but at least I wasn't as tired today as I have been. After work, I stopped for gasoline at Costco, and then went to REI to pick up a bicycle helmet for a coworker. She is in the process of buying a used tricycle, and she wants to wear a helmet while riding. She told me she hates to shop (I can relate to that), so I helped her pick out a helmet on the REI website. Since Costco is right next to REI and I needed to stop for gas anyway, I told her I would pick it up for her. She lives in Stead.

Not long after I got home, Tina called. I almost didn't answer the phone when I saw it was her. I decided to give her a chance, though. She apologized for not calling, and said it was because she had been depressed.

Turns out she had sold the bike I bought her back to Velo Reno, which is where I bought it. She did that so that she could buy her girlfriend a bike. She bought two cheap bikes at Walmart, one for each of them, and almost got hit by a car when a pedal came off of her cheap bike. Velo Reno still has the bike I had bought her, and I told her that I would help her get it back. They hadn't put a price on it yet, and the manager wasn't in, so I don't know how much it will cost to get it back. She will be able to afford about three hundred dollars, but I'm sure it will cost more than that. After we left Velo Reno, I drove her to Walmart so that she could do grocery shopping.

She says that she and her girlfriend have broken up and won't be getting back together, but I've heard that before. I'll give Tina another chance, but given that she sold the bike, I'm not sure I should.

It is getting late, and I need to get ready for bed.


2012/06/12 18:35 Tuesday

Have been exhausted all day long. Am getting too tired to use my brain at work. My health is deteriorating rapidly, and I don't know what to do. I have been putting off going to a psychiatrist, in part due to its being cost-prohibitive, and in part because I don't think additional medications would help. The previous doctor I went to tried me on Prozac, and if anything, that made the exhaustion and dizziness worse. Going off of Zyprexa isn't an option, and besides, I have been on Zyprexa for quite a while, and used to be able to ride 165 miles a week while taking it. Going back to my primary care physician wouldn't do any good either, as he is out of ideas. Would that I had the courage just to off myself and put myself out of my misery.

My misery isn't just caused by being exhausted all the time; I loathe myself because I am female. The longer I live, the more intense that loathing gets.

Mustered up the energy to go to the mailbox today. While I was walking to it, I saw a police car pull into the complex. As usual, that frightened me. I don't think that listening to sermons online could get me into trouble, but I was blind-sided before, and am afraid that might happen again.

Am seriously considering resigning as ride coordinator for the cycling club. I am too tired to have any responsibilities outside of work. Besides, I have been too involved in the club. I need more time alone.


2012/06/11 18:05 Monday

I am exhausted, and was planning on being in bed no later than 5:30pm. Instead, I have been trying to deal with the fact that email to me has been bouncing intermittently. This was happening some time ago, and I thought my webhosting provider (christianwebhost.com) had the problem resolved, but apparently not. I will be calling gracenet.org tomorrow to see about switching providers. Their sales department closes at 6pm EDT, but I will call during a break at work.


2012/06/10 17:40 Sunday

Can't sleep. Guess I'm too tired to sleep.

Have been laying half-awake in bed thinking about how much I want absolute and eternal oblivion when I die. Being with Christ for all eternity would truly be a blessing, but I dread the thought of having to be around people for all eternity, and dread the thought of being female for all eternity. There are no people who have preceded me in death whom I would want to see again, and only two animals. I don't know if animals go to heaven, though.


2012/06/10 16:25 Sunday

Managed to stay upright in the shower, by the grace of God.


2012/06/10 15:10 Sunday

Managed to get the trash taken out. That simple chore took all the energy I had. After that, I listened to a sermon online. The pastor mentioned the Memorial Day 1984 flood in Tulsa. I was living there at the time. It was a very frightening event. Fortunately, I lived in a fairly high area of the city.

Am going to shower now and then go to bed. Am so tired that I am losing my balance. I hope I don't fall in the shower.


2012/06/10 12:30 Sunday

Am absolutely exhausted. Managed to drag myself out of bed in time for the club ride, but just barely. Have been exhausted all day. Am planning on collapsing into bed very early.

My mileage for the ride was only 32.95 miles, and my average speed was only 14.2 mph. It was very windy. It was so bad the we cut off part of the ride we had planned to do. There is a hill that goes from Verdi up to Boomtown that we usually do, but when it is windy there are gusty cross-winds. We had also planned to go up another hill after that in the Belli Ranch area. We didn't even go up the first hill, though.

Still haven't heard from Tina. Oh, well. Just another lesson learned about the pitfalls of so-called friendship.


2012/06/09 18:55 Saturday

It was very difficult to drag myself out of bed in time for the club ride this morning. Managed to get to the meeting place in time, though. Will likely have trouble dragging myself out of bed in time for tomorrow's club ride, also. The Sunday Verdi ride starts at 9am now. I had thought about skipping it, but as it turns out, I will be a co-leader. The regular leader will be leading a short and slow beginner ride at 9:15am. Another member and I will be leading the 9am ride. It often splits into two groups, a faster one and a slower one, so it is good to have two leaders.

I rode my commuter bike on the West Shore ride today. It has panniers, and my intent was to carry everyone's sandwiches from the Tahoma Market to the picnic spot at Sugar Pine Point State Park. As it turned out, I only carried them for two people, as most of the riders had small packs. Riding the commuter bike gave me a better workout, anyway. My mileage was 31.7 miles. My average was strangely slow. It was only 12.3 mph, even though I rode with the lead group. The last time I did that ride, my average was 13.7 mph, if I recall correctly. We don't ride fast on that ride, as much of it is on the bike path. Oh, well.

Had better get ready for bed now. I am exhausted.


2012/06/08 20:20 Friday

The Charter install went well. It was scheduled for between one and three o'clock, and the techs were doing preliminary work outside when I arrived home a little before one pm. They got things set up and were gone fairly quickly.

Ran some errands, then started getting things together for the ride tomorrow. Am getting to bed later than I had hoped to. Am very tired.

Have been following the story of Brian Banks, the man who pled no contest to rape but then was exonerated after ten years. One thing he has said is that when his accuser contacted him, he stopped what he was doing, got on his knees, and prayed that God would help him play his cards right. I can't remember exactly how he phrased it, but that was the gist of it. It is good that he is getting a second chance in life as well as the possibility of being able to play football.

Myself, I give thanks consistently that God has helped me rebuild my life. That is the best I can hope for. I don't see any way I would ever be able to be exonerated. Whenever I allow myself to think about it, I am bitter that I ended up in the criminal justice system instead of in mental health treatment.

Whenever I think about my past, I give thanks to God that it is over. That applies to almost every aspect of my past, in almost every time of my life, with the exception of part of the time I spent in the church from which I am in exile. Part of that time was blessed, but part of it was bad. I am thankful that the bad part is over, and because there were times that were bad, I consistently give thanks that I am not in a church. I cannot imagine any circumstances in which being in a church again could be good.

It is past my bedtime, and I need to get up early for the ride. I am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2012/06/07 17:25 Thursday

Won't be riding today or tomorrow. Am going to go to bed early tonight, and tomorrow I will have to be here for the Charter phone and Internet service installation. I will be going to bed early tomorrow night also, as I will be getting up fairly early to go to a club ride at the West Shore of Tahoe on Saturday. Have to be at work at 5am tomorrow, as is normal on Fridays. We leave early on Fridays, so we go in early even if we are on one of the later shifts.

I've just about written off my friendship with Tina. Called her on Monday, and she said she was on her way to work, but would call me later. Haven't heard back from her. I assume she and her girlfriend are getting along, and she doesn't want to rock the boat. When she and her girlfriend are in one of their phases in which Tina says that their relationship is over, she keeps in touch with me, but when they are getting along, she doesn't have anything to do with me. She owes me over $300, and I am starting to doubt that she will ever pay me back. Besides that money, I have given her not quite $5000 in cash and gifts over the last seven years or so. I sent her money every month over that time while she was in prison, and also sent additional money for clothing and other things she needed while she was there. I also bought her a bicycle for transportation and recreation when she was released. So much for friendship. Live and learn. Is it any wonder I am a loner? I will probably just write off the $300+ and write her off as a friend. That will leave me with one friend, and I get together with him only once or twice a year.

I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/06/06 21:25 Wednesday

It is way past my bedtime, and I am fading fast.

Did 25.22 miles on my commuter bike. My average was only 13.2 mph. My legs felt okay, except for my calves being tight going up the little hill. Early on, I wasn't sure I would make it for the entire 25 miles because of that. I was concerned that I might pull a muscle or have a cramp. I thought I might crash if that happened, because either could have prevented me from unclipping. Made it the whole way without any mishaps, though.

Am off to finish getting ready for bed now.


2012/06/05 18:10 Tuesday

Sheer exhaustion has set in. I slept a little better last night, though, perhaps due to the melatonin.

Got home at about 4pm this afternoon, and found a note distributed by the apartment management warning that there have been five vehicle breakins in five days at the complex. The perpetrators have been doing a lot of damage to the vehicles they have broken into. The manager recommended not leaving anything in vehicles, including insurance and registration papers. I took everything out of my truck.

I knew I would be too tired to ride by the time I got home, so I had thought that I would listen to a sermon after work. Too tired for that, too, though. I need to get to bed asap.


2012/06/04 14:05 Monday

Went in to College Cyclery this morning to have cleats put on a pair of used cycling shoes that I picked up from another club member. The cleats are worth about $35, but Randy, the owner, didn't charge me anything. That was a very pleasant surprise.

Signed up for the Riding the Wild Sierra Metric ride today. A metric is 60 miles, give or take a few depending on the ride. This one is 64 miles, and will go through Diamond Valley, Emigrant Trail, Luther Pass (East), and Blue Lakes Road. It starts at Turtle Rock Park in Markleeville. It will be on June 30th.

My sleep was restless again last night. I am going to try melatonin tonight and see if that helps.

Tried to do some Bible study early this afternoon, but was too tired to concentrate. Laid down for about an hour, but am still too tired to concentrate.


2012/06/03 18:20 Sunday

I'm glad I went ahead and did the AMBBR. I did relatively well, all things considered. I was doubting myself while I was waiting for the registration booth to open this morning. I was so tired I felt a little disoriented. Also, I was having some gastrointestinal distress this morning.

By about 22 miles, my quads were feeling tired. I just kept going, and made sure that I stayed hydrated with Cytomax and that I ate enough at the rest stops to have enough fuel for my body. My legs actually felt fine towards the last third of the ride, even though the climb to Spooner Junction started at about 53 miles out. I did fairly well on the climbs. Even though I was taking it easy, I passed a lot of people on the hills.

Almost had a mishap on the climb up to the Emerald Bay overlook. A guy who was a little bit ahead of me suddenly stopped, probably due to a dropped chain, but he managed to get out of everyone's way. I'm not sure how he managed that. He did a kind of sideways hop. In the meantime, I had unclipped a pedal and started to put my foot down, but it occurred to me that I would have trouble getting started again if I did, as I am still getting used to my new pedals, and starting from a standstill while going uphill would have been difficult. Instead, I put my toe on the pedal, and kept going.

My Garmin GPS unit froze at about 44 miles. Thankfully, I still have my regular cycling computer on the bike. My total mileage was 72.42 miles. My max speed was only 35.6 mph, and my average was only 14 mph. I'm not as comfortable going downhill as I used to be, so I moderated my speed on the early downhills. At least I finished the ride. I took the Garmin back to REI, and they are having a new one shipped to me. They didn't have it in stock.

The weather was beautiful for the ride, other than the fact that it was windy. The temperature was warm for most of the time. It was chilly at the start, which was 7am for me, but I started off with arm warmers, a jacket, and full-fingered gloves. At the first rest stop, I did a clothing drop and shed that gear. I had taken a pair of half-fingered gloves in my jacket pocket.

My legs aren't tired, surprisingly, but I am exhausted. I just haven't been sleeping well, and I got up very early this morning to drive to Tahoe instead of staying in a hotel last night. I didn't get to bed very early last night, and my downstairs neighbor called and woke me up with a computer question not long after I had fallen asleep. After that, I had trouble falling back asleep.

It is getting late, and I need to get ready for bed. At least I don't have to go back to work tomorrow, as I am off until Tuesday.


2012/06/02 18:05 Saturday

Did ten miles on the trainer at a very, very slow average of 12.2 mph. My legs are still sore from having increased my mileage suddenly this last week, and the purpose of today's ride was just to get my legs loosened up and moving. I had not been putting in any miles to speak of the couple of weeks before this last week, as I had been too tired. I'm still tired. The situation doesn't bode well for the AMBBR. I'm going to attempt it, though.

Rode the trainer because it was windy, and because I wanted to listen to a sermon.

Have to get up very early to drive to Tahoe. Should have been in bed earlier, but just had too much to do.


2012/06/02 14:45 Saturday

When I went to the Verizon store to get my new phone the other day, a manager greeted me. I mentioned to him that the company I work for has a Verizon discount program, and told him where I work. He asked me if I knew a certain woman there, and I told him I did. Turns out that she is his aunt. He sung her praises, and said that she essentially raised him. It was cool to run into a relative of hers there. She has a part-time job at Costco, and I saw her there today. I mentioned that I had met her nephew, and that he spoke very highly of her. She told me a little more about what had happened during his childhood. His mother was living in a fleabag motel with him and his sibling(s), and the children's grades weren't very good. The woman from work stepped up and took in the children to raise them. The children's grades went up, and things ended up fine for them. I always liked the woman from work, but now I have even more respect and admiration for her. Some people are just great people.


2012/06/02 13:55 Saturday

Just read an article on rgj.com by a moron named Lenore Skenazy. Basically, she states that adults should let bullies be bullies and force children to deal with the problem themselves. She thinks intervention does more harm than good, both in the home and at school. Obviously, she has never had to deal with incessant psychological abuse.


2012/06/02 13:40 Saturday

Went to Petco, Trader Joe's, REI, the Costco gas station, Costco, the Nevada Humane Society, and Starbucks. Am finally home for a little while, then will do a short ride. The trip to the Humane Society was to donate some wet cat food. Some time ago, I had picked up a case of canned cat food at Costco, but soon realized that the 5.5 oz. cans are too big for my cat. She doesn't eat very much, so part of the can would be wasted even after multiple feedings.

The days of my vacation have been flying by. I am exceedingly thankful to have a job, but I dread going back to work on Tuesday.


2012/06/02 09:40 Saturday

My hot flashes subsided somewhat for a while, but now they are back in force. I go through phases in which I break out in a drenching sweat on my face and arms even though I don't feel all that hot. Being female is truly a curse.


2012/06/02 09:20 Saturday

There is some good news: Now that Zyprexa is available in generic form, the copay for a 90-day supply is only $70 or so instead of $200.


2012/06/02 09:15 Saturday

Am still planning on attempting the AMBBR, despite being tired. Last night, I got to bed late and had some trouble falling asleep, but after finally falling asleep, I slept well.

Am still in a fairly bad mood due to yesterday's irritations. Hopefully my neighbor will leave me alone today.

Have things to take care of today, but would prefer just to sit around the apartment and listen to sermons. Am doing laundry now, and after that I will go to Petco. Then I will go to Costco for gas and groceries. Will go to Starbucks for a triple espresso for tomorrow morning. Will do a short and easy ride, also. Need to get things prepared for tomorrow morning at some point. The drudgeries of life are too much for me.


2012/06/01 19:10 Friday

It has been a very trying day. My downstairs neighbor wanted to take me out to lunch as a belated birthday present. She called me just as I was getting in from riding, and talked my ear off for a while on the phone. I told her I wanted about half-an-hour to get ready to go to lunch, and she said she would run some errands and then be back in about half an hour. Over an hour later, she called and said she was back. We then went to lunch, and as usual, she talked so much that she ate slowly. The restaurant had rock music playing, which was irritating. Survived lunch, and when I got home, I started laundry.

My neighbor had said that she was in the process of getting Internet service through Uverse, and I had told her that I would help her set up the computer I had given her a while back. After I put my laundry in the wash, I dropped by her apartment with speakers and a couple of other things. She was on the phone with AT&T, and was clueless. I had to take over talking to the AT&T rep. Unfortunately, for some reason I had configured the wireless adapter I gave her to connect to my wireless router, and my neighbor had thought that she was connecting to the Internet through her router. I had to delete that profile and connect the adapter to her router. Then she had to go through the registration process. She didn't remember any of her account information such as her password or security question answers. Thankfully, the AT&T rep was very patient.

Finally got back to my laundry, and just after I got my cycling gear hung up to dry, someone called wanting to do a survey of why I left AT&T Wireless. She lied and told me that she had just a few questions. She also said that I would have a chance at a $200 Visa gift card if I completed the survey. I decided to go ahead and do it. She had a black accent, and was talking very fast, so I had difficulty understanding her. Not only that, but as I stated, she lied. The survey was quite long. By the time I got off the phone with her, I was even more irritated than I had been from dealing with my clueless neighbor.

Not long after I finished the survey, it was time to get the laundry out of the dryer. After hanging up my shirts, I went back down to help my clueless neighbor some more. Now it is past my bedtime, and I have spent a good part of the day with someone whom I can take in very small doses only.

I have told her a number of times before that I do not want to go to church, but as I was leaving her apartment, she invited me yet again to go to church with her on Sunday. I told her no yet again. She said to let her know if I change my mind. I stated very emphatically, twice, that I do not go to church. She then said again to let her know if I change my mind. I don't know what part of "no" she doesn't understand.

I am in a very bad mood due to the frustrations of the day, and will likely have difficulty falling asleep because of that.

Am facing having to do more laundry tomorrow or Monday, also, as I did only what I could carry to the laundry room in one trip. Had about three weeks' worth of laundry piled up.

Before riding this morning, I listened to a sermon. Food for thought.


2012/06/01 13:00 Friday

Did a 30.45 mile ride on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.7 mph. My legs were a little tired, which doesn't bode well for the AMBBR. I'm still planning on attempting it, though. Tomorrow, I will do a short and very easy ride just to loosen up my legs.

Haven't been sleeping well. Took the week off from work to rest up before the AMBBR, but am not at all well-rested.


2012/06/01 08:00 Friday

Yesterday, when I was at my neighbor's church, I looked at their router's settings using Internet Explorer. When I typed the router's IP address in the IE address bar, IE did a search instead of going to the device. I had to type "http://" in front of the IP address in order to get IE to open up an interface to the router. Using "http://" might also be necessary in order to get an interface to a printer to open up in IE. It isn't necessary with the configuration we have at work, but it clearly is for some configurations.


2012/05/31 18:55 Thursday

Forgot to mention that my friend Tina called today while I was riding. I missed the call, as I cannot hear my cell phone ring while I am riding. She didn't leave voicemail, but I'm not sure she would have been able to do so, as I had not set up my Verizon voicemail yet. I called her back and tried to leave voicemail, but for some reason her voicemail seems to malfunction at times. I'll try again before going to bed.


2012/05/31 18:50 Thursday

Didn't have time to ride yesterday, but did get a ride in today. Did 30.42 miles on my commuter bike. My average speed was only 13.5 mph. Got stuck behind slow-moving traffic a lot. Was fairly tired during the ride. Am still planning on doing the AMBBR, but will likely have to push myself hard to be able to finish it even though I will set an easy pace.

After the ride, I went with my downstairs neighbor to her church (Faith Lutheran). One of their computers was having problems with its network connection. Based on what my neighbor said when she described the problem before we went to the church, I thought they had an antiquated network made up of coax. Thankfully, that wasn't the case. Turned out that one of their PCs is wired to an AT&T router using a cat5 or cat6 patch cable, which is fine. The PC that was having the problem has a wireless card with two antenna jacks, but it is missing the antennas. I probably have at least one antenna in my parts box, but figured it would be easier just to give them a USB wireless adapter that was one of a few in my box. I disabled the wireless card and installed the adapter I gave them. The PC is now up and running on wireless, and they are happy. I'm happy, too, because I was able to help them and it was such an easy fix.

It is getting late, and I am tired. I'm planning on going to bed soon.


2012/05/31 10:10 Thursday

The sound quality on my new Verizon wireless is much better when making a call from my apartment than it was on my AT&T wireless. Also, I get more bars in my apartment than I did with AT&T.


2012/05/31 10:00 Thursday

My phone and Internet service will be switched over from AT&T to Charter on June 8th. Waiting until then will allow me to take off work only one hour early, since we leave early on Fridays. Otherwise, I would have to take off at least half a day from work.

Verizon gave me a credit of a little over $100 for my iPhone 3GS. I told them that the system board was failing, but they gave me the credit anyway.

I signed up for landline voice service through Verizon while I was at their store, but when I read the manual, I discovered that their voice service doesn't support faxing. I fax my insurance company to get reimbursed for medical expenses through my flexible spending account, and I want to be able to continue to do that instead of mailing in the forms. Also, Verizon's voice service uses a wireless device, and I am trying to minimize use of wireless just in case it is affecting my health.

Faith the cat spends most of the night on the bed now. She also sleeps on the bed sometimes during the day. It is good to see her getting more and more comfortable with her surroundings.

Took my downstairs neighbor to Braido's yesterday. I want to spread the word about that sandwich shop in order to give them more business.

Am tired today. Will do a ride and run a couple of errands, and that will be about it. I hope to get to bed early.


2012/05/30 20:25 Wednesday

I am completely exhausted. Ended up staying up late in a chat session with a Charter rep getting my service switched over. Am fed up with AT&T. They told me they would give me a special rate on my Internet service if I were to commit to a one-year contract, but my last bill had the full rate. That was the last straw.

I also switched from AT&T wireless today. I had been wanting to do that for some time, but wanted to wait until there was an iPhone with 4G capabilities. However, the sounds such as key-clicks on my iPhone 3GS stopped working intermittently, and when I took it to the Apple store, they said the system board didn't pass the diagnostics. I was concerned that it would stop working at an inopportune time, so I decided to take the plunge and get a new phone through Verizon. I bought a 32GB iPhone 4S. My 3GS was 16GB, but I decided to go with the 32GB because in a couple more years, a 16GB would be close to running out of space given the number of sermons I store on my phone.

More details tomorrow. I need to get to bed before I pass out from exhaustion.


2012/05/30 10:10 Wednesday

Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think that drawing closer to Christ will resolve my alienation from humanity. It may even reinforce it.


2012/05/30 08:40 Wednesday

The sermon I listened to yesterday is worth listening to again and again. It has lessons I need to learn.


2012/05/29 18:45 Tuesday

Went back to bed yet again for about another hour this morning. Forced myself to do a ride on the trainer despite being tired. Did only 20 miles, as I didn't have the time or the energy to do the 25 that I normally do on the trainer. Listened to a sermon from a little more than couple of years ago while riding. It doesn't seem to have been preached that long ago. Time flies. It is an uplifting sermon, for the most part, but the pastor twisted a knife in my soul during part of it.

Called my friend Tina this evening. We spoke for just a few minutes, as she was at Walmart with her girlfriend. Her girlfriend doesn't like me, and when they are getting along, Tina doesn't stay in touch with me. Tina says that her girlfriend is jealous of me even though I am straight as an arrow. I feel bitter, as I have been there financially and as a friend for Tina for years, but when they are together I get dropped as a friend for the sake of someone she just met a few months ago. They don't even get along with each other very well. Maybe they have been getting along better now that Tina has been ignoring me. She didn't even call to wish me a happy birthday. Maybe she forgot when my birthday is. Maybe she forgot a lot of things.

Betrayal is bittersweet. It reinforces who I am by nature and nurture. I am a loner, and the longer I live, the more I want to be alone in this world.

Heaven may be perfect for some people, but I still want absolute and eternal oblivion.


2012/05/29 10:00 Tuesday

Was in bed for about 11 hours last night. My sleep was restless again, in part due to hot flashes and chills. This morning, I read the news online, listened to a sermon, and then went back to bed for about an hour. Am still exhausted, but am tired of being in bed. I am fed up with being exhausted.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision in changing doctors. The previous doctor was more knowledgeable about psych meds, while the current doctor wants me to go to a psychiatrist. I cannot afford to go to a psychiatrist, though. On the other hand, office visits for the previous doctor were more expensive. Also, I didn't like having to tell a nurse what was going on, and then having to repeat myself to the doctor. Too, the nurses typically got it wrong when I told them what was happening. Another thing is that the doctor always seemed irritated with me, as though my medical problems were my fault. Didn't want to risk running into anyone from the church at his office, either. The chances of that were slim, but it could have happened. I wouldn't know what to say to anyone from the church, and seeing anyone from there would just rip scar tissue off of old wounds.


2012/05/29 07:45 Tuesday

To disable SNMP in the printer settings, open up a web browser. Enter the printer's hostname or IP address in the browser's address bar. Depending on the printer, somewhere there will be network settings. Find SNMP, and disable it.


2012/05/28 18:30 Monday

Had planned to do a 38-mile club ride this morning, but backed out because I was still feeling woozy this morning. Went ahead and did 30.40 miles on my commuter bike in the early afternoon, though. Didn't feel too bad for the first 25 miles or so, but then started feeling very woozy. Should have headed for home, but wanted to meet the goal of 30 miles. Managed to hold on, but just barely. My average speed was only 13.2 mph, but I was taking it easy even before starting to feel woozy.

Was in bed for about 13 hours last night, but my sleep was restless. After deciding not to do the club ride, I went back to bed for about an hour and a half. Faith the cat slept on the bed for the first part of the night, but I inadvertantly startled her, and off the bed she went for the rest of the night.

Listened to a couple of sermons today. One was the one that I listened to half of on Saturday. Listened to the whole sermon today before the ride, and then listened to another one after the ride. Again, I am thankful for being able to listen to sermons on the Internet.


2012/05/28 17:50 Monday

At work, when a printer is configured incorrectly, it will not wake up from sleep mode. We have to ensure that SNMP is disabled in the port properties of the printer, the print server, and the four terminal servers from which people print.


2012/05/27 15:10 Sunday

Did the club ride today. My mileage was only 37.15 miles, my average was only 14.2 mph, and my max speed was 31.8 mph. We went up through Somersett to do an extra hill on the way out to Verdi. I felt light-headed for most of the ride, and I had a very slight pulled calf muscle early on. I am falling apart physically. I felt dizzy when I got out of bed this morning. I don't know if I will be able to do the Tahoe ride (the America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride) next Sunday. On the other hand, given that I did almost 40 miles today despite how I felt, maybe I will be able to do the AMBBR after all if I am not feeling dizzy.

Faith the cat slept in the bed with me last night for the first time. It worked out okay. Because I have hot flashes at times, but at other times am cold, I had to make her move once or twice so that I could adjust the covers. Also, one time when I woke up in the middle of the night and checked the time on my iPhone, she thought it was time for me to get up and pet her. I ignored her, and she got the hint.

I was talking to a woman at work last week in my office, and she commented on some photos I have on my wall that I took during the Tour de Nez a few years ago. She mentioned that her church has a newly-organized bicycle group called the Hope Pedalers. She goes to Sparks Christian Fellowship. I looked at their website, and despite the draw of a cycling group, I won't be trying that church. The website says that their attire is casual, and that they have an "upbeat, high energy time of praise and worship." I prefer traditional services with hymns, and I believe people should dress up for church to show respect for God. I don't want to go to a church anyway.

Years ago, I was looking at Discovery Fellowship's website, and saw that Mike Stewart has taken up cycling. I emailed him asking about the possibility of starting a Christian cyclists' club. I wrote that I would understand if he didn't want any contact with me, and that I would not contact him again if he did not respond. Needless to say, he did not respond. I shouldn't have emailed him in the first place. I have done some stupid things at times, and that was one of them. Back then, I was still hoping against hope that people wouldn't hold things against me. I am past that phase now, though.


2012/05/26 18:20 Saturday

Another day has gotten away from me. I did ride today, though. I split the ride into two parts. I started off riding my commuter bike around Virginia Lake. It was fairly windy when I started, but it got really bad by the time I was at about ten miles. I held on for a few more laps, but then decided to quit. That mileage was 14.75 miles at a pitifully slow 12.6 mph average. I figured I would put in some additional miles on the trainer, but I had to have pedals put on the bike that is set up with a computer for the trainer. I had the pedals that were on that bike taken off the other day, as those were ones that I am letting someone try out. I should have had some pedals put on the bike when I had it in to have the other pedals taken off, but I didn't think I would be riding the trainer for a while, as I didn't count on bad weather.

Today, I took the bike in to College Cyclery, and they lent me some pedals with toe clips. Toe clips are the cages that go around the rider's toes. That gave rise to the terminology "clipless pedals" to describe pedals with cleats that clip into pedals. Clipless pedals don't use toe clips, but riders do clip into them, which means the terminology seems strange.

After getting home and putting the bike back on the trainer, I did 15.25 miles to bring my mileage up to 30 miles for the day. My average speed on the trainer was only 13.6 mph, which is very slow, but I didn't want to push it at all because my stomach was upset.

Listened to a sermon before riding the first time, and then while riding the trainer, I listened to another one and part of a third. I am blessed to have sermons to listen to from the Internet, and I am thankful for that.

Besides turning off the wireless on my router, another source of wireless signals that I have eliminated from my apartment is the weather station I had in my bedroom. It has a sensor that was outdoors on my balcony. I took the batteries out of the sensor and the station. I still have cordless phones and the bluetooth device for the phones. I probably won't eliminate those. I had them before the fatigue got as bad as it is now.

Will be doing the club ride to Verdi tomorrow if the weather is good. It will likely be chilly, but as long as it isn't raining or too windy, I will ride. That ride will be 40 miles or so, including my mileage to and from the start location at Roy Gomm School. I am also planning on doing a club ride on Monday. That one is scheduled to be 38 miles, and will start and end at RC Willey. I am thinking that I will go ahead and do the ride around Tahoe on June 3rd after all. As long as I am well-rested, I should be able to finish it. I will just have to set an easy pace.


2012/05/26 16:50 Saturday

I wrote earlier that I hate music. As a rule, that is true. However, I do like some hymns. I especially like "Amazing Grace."


2012/05/26 10:35 Saturday

I don't care what Martin Luther wrote; I still hate music.


2012/05/25 18:15 Friday

Didn't ride today. Had a very busy day, and by the time I would have gotten around to riding, I was too tired. Started the day with my annual mammogram, then stopped by Braido's for a sandwich, then took some pedals to the woman who wanted to try them out, then went to Trader Joe's, then took a pair of shoes in for repair, then went to Costco for gasoline and groceries, and then worked on my home network.

The shoes are a pair of cycling shoes that a guy in the club didn't want because they are road shoes and he now wears mountain bike shoes even on his road bike. The shoes have rubber heel pads that are worn out, and I am having the shoe repair shop cut out new heel pads and glue them on. The guy at the shop isn't sure how well they will stay on, but it is worth a try. The newer models of that brand of road shoes have replaceable heel pads. I have a pair of a newer model, but it will be good to have a "beater" pair for wearing when the weather is iffy. The beater pair is a half-size too big for me, but they will be good for winter wear when I will be wearing heavier socks.

I have turned off the wireless on my home network. One reason is that I haven't found a wireless adapter that works well with Linux. I used to use a program called ndiswrapper that allowed for using Windows drivers, but ndiswrapper is no longer part of the distribution I use. Seems to me I downloaded it and tried to get it to work with my distribution when I upgraded my operating system a while back, but never did get it working. Another thing I did was go back to using a different router. I tried four different wireless adapters with each of the two routers, but none of them worked satisfactorily. The router and adapter combination I had been using would drop the connection fairly often. What I ended up doing was making a new cable of the right length to go from my Linux box to the router. I had a spool of cable, and I crimped RJ45 jacks on a length of it. I then strung it across the ceiling using hooks. It will be nice not to have to deal with power-cycling the wireless adapter to get a connection working.

Another reason I disabled the wireless is that I am willing to try eliminating some electronic signals and see if that helps with the fatigue. I'm still skeptical of the premise that electronic signals may cause fatigue, but am giving it a try. There are limits to what I can do, though, as there are many wireless routers that show up in wireless scans in my apartment building. I'm not sure, but I think the fatigue started getting worse when I started using a wireless-N router and adapter, which is why I pulled out my old wireless-G router today. As it turned out, as noted above, I ended up turning off the wireless anyway, though.


2012/05/25 10:40 Friday

Almost forgot it is my birthday today. Birthdays mean very little to me nowadays.

Faith the cat finally jumped up onto my bed Wednesday night soon after I went to bed. That is the first time she has been up on the bed. She let me pet her for a while, then jumped down. She did the same this morning.


2012/05/24 17:30 Thursday

Way too tired to ride today. Would be going to bed by 5:30pm, but there is a community input session at Anderson School at 6pm regarding the plans for Plumas Street. Those of us in the cycling community are hoping for bike lanes on that road. I'm planning on going, and hoping that I don't fall over from exhaustion during the presentation at 6:30pm.

Will probably not attempt the bike ride around Tahoe on June 3rd. Unfortunately, there are no refunds.

Had an irritating day at work today. Was working on a guy's computer, and there was a problem I was trying to figure out. I was trying to read some documentation, and he kept talking at me. Then, when I went to lunch, another guy came by and asked if he could sit with me. That was the last thing I wanted, but what was I supposed to do, say no? I still had 15 minutes of my lunchtime left, but I quickly finished eating and said that I had to go back to work. I always go to lunch later than most other people so that I don't have to put up with being around many people, and I always sit alone.


2012/05/23 17:10 Wednesday

Too tired yet again today to ride. Am planning on being in bed by 5:30pm.

The doctor's office called with a referral, but that psychiatrist is not in private practice even though he is on my insurance company's list. Might go to the female that the doctor referred me to at first even though I despise females and she isn't in-network for my insurance. I have quite a bit set aside in my FSA. I'm having a mammo on Friday morning, and will wait to see if there are any abnormalities that would require expensive treatment.

A co-worker showed me a magazine article in which a woman claimed that her fatigue was caused by wireless devices and other electronic devices. I'm very skeptical, but might do a trial to see if shutting off some of my electronics eases my exhaustion any.

Have to get ready for bed now. Am exhausted.


2012/05/22 16:45 Tuesday

Still haven't heard from the doctor's office regarding the referral to a psychiatrist. Called just now to follow up, and was sent to the voicemail of the doctor's assistant, who was supposed to take care of it. Again, I ask, are staff personnel at all doctors' offices incompetent?

Was too tired to ride again today. Besides, I didn't want to fight the wind. On the way home, I had thought about listening to a sermon when I got home, but by the time I read the news and email, I was too tired.

There are some things I should be taking care of, such as preparing and faxing the request for reimbursement for my night guard to the insurance company so that they will apply my FSA funds to it. However, I am too tired, and I still have to shower. I wish I could put that off too, but I didn't shower last night. I shower every other night during the week, and then on Saturdays and Sundays.

I don't know why I bother to write what I write. I suppose I have to write something, though.


2012/05/21 19:30 Monday

Didn't ride today. After work, I went to the dentist's office to pick up my night guard. Then I went to College Cyclery to have the pedals taken off the bike I use on the trainer. Someone in the cycling club wants to try that type of pedal to see if they work better for her than the ones she has been using.

The guy who was shot and killed by the police the other day used to be the leader of the band that used to play at Voice in the Wilderness church. One of my coworkers, a guy who works third shift, is a pastor at that church. I haven't talked to my coworker about it, as he is off this week. I emailed him this afternoon when I learned the identity of the man who was killed, but I haven't heard back yet. Apparently, the man who was killed had fallen away from the church; he had been arrested and sent to prison in recent years. I had taken some photos of him and his band at an event at my coworker's church not all that long before his arrest.

It has been very busy at work lately. We have been swamped with resolving issues that have resulted from a site-wide change in users' profiles.

I'm off to bed. It is late. Time always gets away from me.


2012/05/20 18:55 Sunday

The Cookie Ride went well. I decided to ride my commuter bike and volunteer to ride sweep. The "sweep" is the person who rides off the back to make sure everyone gets through the ride okay. My commuter bike has a rack bag, and I took tubes and C02 cartridges for a variety of bikes. C02 cartridges are used to inflate tires. Mountain bike C02 cartridges are larger than ones for road bikes. The C02 inflator and hand-pump for my road bike works on Presta valves only, so I wanted to take the one on my commuter bike. Presta valves are smaller than Schrader valves. Schrader valves are like car tire valves. As it turned out, no one had a flat. I'm glad I rode my commuter bike anyway, as it gave me a better workout because it is harder to pedal than my road bike. I was still able to ride as fast as some of the people, including people who do most of the club rides. There were some riders who were very fast, though. After the ride, some of us went to Walden's Coffee Shop and Eclipse Pizza for lunch. I had a sandwich at Walden's. My mileage was 30.3 miles, and my average speed was 12.5 mph.

The eclipse seems to be over now. It is lighter out than it was a while ago. I didn't get the special glasses, so I just stayed indoors during the eclipse. I had expected to be in bed during it, or I would have gotten the glasses and watched it. There were noisy children playing outside in the common area the whole time. Even though I despise children, I hope for their sakes' that their parents had them wearing the glasses.

Have to work just four days this week. Friday is my 52nd birthday, and I decided to start my vacation a day early. I might drive to Greenville and do the Indian Valley metric century ride on Saturday.

I'm off to get ready for bed now. It is late, and I am tired.


2012/05/19 18:30 Saturday

Felt a little better today. Went ahead and did the club ride. We did an extra hill climb that wasn't planned. My mileage was 28.53 miles. My average speed was a pitiful 12.8 mph. I was riding off the back, in part because I was trying to get used to my relatively new pedals. I was clipping in and un-clipping a lot just for practice. Also, it was a good idea to have someone in back due to our having some inexperienced riders today. Two women had mechanical issues, so it was good that they weren't alone at the back. One dropped her chain and I had to get it back on for her, and at one point the other had a shifting issue. After the ride, some of us went to Braido's for sandwiches.

After I got home, I took my commuter bike to College Cyclery to have new pedals put on it. I wanted the same type of pedals on it that I have on my road bike. It was difficult for me to switch back and forth between the two types, as the technique required for each is different. I rode to the bike shop, and then on the way home, I did some laps around Virginia Lake to get more used to the new pedals. My mileage on that ride was 15.25 miles at a very slow 12.6 mph. I had to push the bike sometimes, as my timing on getting out of the pedals for the stop sign on the little hill wasn't always good. My technique on getting into the pedals isn't all that good yet, and I have trouble getting going from a stop when facing uphill.

I am wondering if the FRS I have been using has been interacting with the Zyprexa. Grapefruit juice interferes with the metabolism of Zyprexa, which can result in toxicity, and perhaps FRS has similar effects. I have decided to stop the FRS again, and see if that helps.

Tomorrow is the club's annual Cookie Ride in honor of the woman who is the driving force behind the Tahoe-Pyramid Bikeway. Several years ago, she succeeded in having a bike path put in parallel to the freeway in an area where people riding to Verdi used to have to ride on the freeway. Tomorrow, we will start from Idlewild Park, ride to Verdi, stop at Crystal Peak Park for cookies, and then ride back to Mayberry Landing (the shops at McCarran and Mayberry) for an expo of sorts. People will be on their own after that. The ride I will be on is about 21 miles. There is a 40-mile option, which I would prefer to do, but I have been called into service to be one of the club members who will be shepherding the inexperienced riders. We are expecting some novices, so it may be a long day.

I had better get ready for bed now. I'm not all that tired, but it is getting late and I want to get up fairly early.


2012/05/18 17:10 Friday

The exhaustion is getting way out of hand. Am not only too tired to ride, but am so tired that my balance is getting very bad. Am going to go to bed very soon, and will sleep late in the morning. I haven't been sleeping late on the weekends due to club rides, but I will likely skip tomorrow's club ride. The scheduled ride is only 21 miles, and the riders will likely be slow. It wouldn't be anything at all of a workout for me. Twenty-one miles on a road bike is hardly any mileage, especially when the pace is slow.

I called the doctor's office this afternoon to follow up on the referral request I sent through the patient portal. It had fallen through the cracks. Are staff personnel at all doctors' offices incompetent?

There are children playing in the green area of the apartment complex. They are very noisy. I despise children, and their noise is exceedingly irritating. I think I will lobby the government to repeal the law that forbids apartment complexes to rent to adults only.


2012/05/17 16:30 Thursday

Too tired to ride yet again today. Am so tired that I am losing my balance. Will be going to bed as early as possible, which will probably be at about 5:15pm. I look forward to my vacation time. I want to get caught up on listening to sermons, as well as getting a lot of rest.


2012/05/16 18:40 Wednesday

Was way too tired to ride today. Wanted to get to bed much earlier, but didn't manage to do so. One thing I did after work was deliver some newspapers to an office for the woman who heads the Tahoe-Pyramid Bikeway. A photo of her riding her bike was on the front page of the RGJ yesterday, and at the club meeting yesterday, she asked for people to give her any copies they might have. She wants to mail them to people who have donated to the TPB or who have been involved in some way. I scouted around after the meeting and found a place that still had some copies, and picked up five for her.

Six more days of work, and then I will be off from work until June 5th. Am not going anywhere. Will be doing the America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride on June 3rd, and will need to rest up for it the week before. I haven't felt up to training sufficiently for it, but if I am well-rested, at least I'll be able to finish it.

Am thankful to have a job, but am burned out. For that matter, I'm burned out on life.

It is getting late. I need to finish getting ready for bed. Am so tired my head is spinning.


2012/05/15 21:35 Tuesday

Almost forgot to post today. The monthly cycling club meeting was this evening, and I didn't have time to post before the meeting. After work, I read the news online, then showered. Knew I would be too tired to shower after the meeting.

Faith the cat has finally started playing some with a couple of toys that I bought her. One is a mouse, and one is a small squirrel. She has started batting them around. It is good to see her play. After being in a kennel for two years at the shelter, she probably forgot how to play.


2012/05/14 17:15 Monday

Didn't get enough sleep last night. Got to bed late, then had trouble falling asleep. It was probably 10pm by the time I drifted into slumber. Dragged myself out of bed at about 3am, as I was hoping to ride to work since it is bike-to-work week. Was somewhat dizzy from exhaustion, so I went back to bed until about 4:45am. Speaking of being dizzy from exhaustion, I'm there now.

Work was crazy today. Users and computers are being transitioned from one domain to another, and it isn't going well. The rest of the week is probably going to be as bad as today was.

I'm off to finish getting ready for bed.


2012/05/13 17:45 Sunday

Have been exhausted all day. Got out of bed in time for the club ride, but was too tired to go. Went back to bed for about two hours and laid there half-awake. Finally got up and did a ride. Did 30.39 miles of Virginia Lake laps on my commuter bike at an average speed of only 13.4 mph. It was windy. Wanted to stay close to home in case I decided to bail on the ride before meeting my goal of 30 miles. Probably shouldn't have held on for the whole way, as I was very tired. There were times when my eyes closed and I didn't want to open them. I was in a fog of exhaustion for most of the ride, and by the time I finished, I was so tired that I felt unsure of my ability to ride. Felt a little better after I finished.

After the ride, I did laundry. I have also been getting things ready for tomorrow morning. This week is bike-to-work week, and I am going to try to get up early enough to ride to work.

I will be picking up my friend Tina from work at 6:30pm today, and then we will go through the El Pollo Loco drive-through for burritos. That means I won't get to bed as early as I would like. I hope I don't oversleep so much that I can't even make it to work on time by driving.


2012/05/12 19:15 Saturday

It has been a busy day. Got up early in order to make it to a community event that some of us at work were participating in. It was the KTMB (Keep Truckee Meadows Beautiful) Community Cleanup. The group from work was cleaning up in Sun Valley. The location was called a park, but it was basically just an open space with trails. I did something stupid.... There was a bag that smelled like it contained rotting meat, and I went ahead and picked it up and put it in the bed of my truck without putting it in another bag first to keep it from leaking. When we got back to the dumpsters and emptied the contents of my truck, I told the organizer about it and she tore the bag open to investigate in case it had human body parts. I wasn't there when she did it, but she told me it looked like parts of a goat. Weird.

After the cleanup, I went to the lunch KTMB had for volunteers at Bartley Ranch, but I avoided people as much as possible because I had gotten some of the smell from the bag on my shorts. It was a very unpleasant smell. As soon as I got home I took off my shorts, put them in a bag, and put it on the balcony until I do laundry tomorrow afternoon. After I did that, I sat down on the bedroom floor to pet Faith the cat, but she wrinkled her nose and looked askance at me. I then realized I had gotten some of the smell on my leg. Hit the shower right after that.

After showering, I got on my commuter bike. I started off the ride by going to College Cyclery to pick up a tire pump I had ordered. Then I rode laps around Virginia Lake. I had thought about riding my road bike to Verdi, but was very tired and thus wanted to stay close to home, as is often the case. Managed to hold on and do 30.96 miles. My average speed was only 13.6 mph. It was somewhat windy.

After the ride, I went to a self-service car wash to clean the smell out of the bed of my truck. Then I went to Starbuck's for a triple espresso to have in the morning. I will likely go on the club's Verdi ride, and will want to have most of my caffeine in a concentrated form. I will drink a homemade dark-cherry mocha also.

I noted on Thursday that I loathe consciousness so strongly that I cannot bear the thought of eternal life. Presumably, being in heaven, and thus in the presence of God, would result in a change in my perspective. I just don't know, though. As I have written many times before, the thought of being female for all eternity and having to interact with the multitudes is more than I can take.


2012/05/11 16:15 Friday

Decided not to go to the female psychiatrist. She is not in-network for my insurance. The insurance won't pay for doctor's visits, other than my annual physical, until I meet a deductible. After that it pays 80% for in-network. There are separate deductibles for in-network and out-of-network. I will likely meet my deductible for in-network this year if I go to a psychiatrist.

I have sent my primary care provider a message using his office's patient portal website asking for a new recommendation for a psychiatrist. I sent him a list of in-network ones, and stated that I would prefer a male who speaks understandable English. The last psychiatrist I went to was African, and I could barely understand him.

I'm off to bed.


2012/05/11 15:55 Friday

Am even more exhausted today than yesterday. Am way too tired to ride, and am even too tired to listen to a sermon. This is no way to live. I'm off to finish getting ready for bed. Am planning to be in bed no later than 4:15pm.


2012/05/10 19:05 Thursday

Have been laying in bed half-awake in a more-or-less brain-dead state trying unsuccessfully to sleep. Guess I'm too tired to sleep.

I loathe consciousness so strongly that I cannot bear the thought of eternal life. I simply cannot imagine how being conscious could ever be tolerable. I truly do want absolute and eternal oblivion.


2012/05/10 16:45 Thursday

Am completely bushed. Was going to do a ride after work, but by the time I took care of a few things, I was too exhausted to ride. Thought I would listen to a sermon instead, but within about fifteen minutes after deciding not to ride, the fatigue had gotten to the point at which I was too tired to stay up even long enough to listen to a sermon. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/05/09 18:45 Wednesday

Will be getting to bed late again tonight. Had a dental appointment right after work, then went to Costco for gas and groceries, and then went by College Cyclery to pick up my mountain bike. The dental appointment was to have impressions taken for a night guard. The endodontist strongly recommended getting a custom one, as he believed an over-the-counter one would cause further issues with my teeth. The dentist today said that over-the-counter ones do not prevent grinding, but custom ones do. Custom ones are expensive, but I budgeted a lot of money into my flexible spending account this year, so the cost will be covered. If I don't use the money in the FSA during the year, I will lose it.

Had better get into the shower and then hit the sack asap. It is getting quite late.


2012/05/08 20:05 Tuesday

Got to bed late last night, and was planning on going to bed very early tonight because of that. However, when I left work, I was struck by how beautiful the weather was, and just had to ride. Did 25.24 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 14.1 mph.

Had better get to bed asap. It is late.


2012/05/07 16:15 Monday

The doctor is out of ideas, other than to send me to a psychiatrist. As I wrote recently, it is likely that the medication I take is causing the fatigue and weight gain. The doctor is hoping that a psychiatrist might have some idea as to another medication I could take in addition to the Zyprexa to offset the fatigue. I asked him for a recommendation, but forgot to specify that I would want to see a male. I didn't know to whom he was referring me until they had already sent the referral to the psychiatrist. Much to my horror, he referred me to a female. As a rule, I despise females and avoid them like the plague. I haven't decided whether to deal with it or cancel the referral and ask for a referral to a male.


2012/05/06 18:05 Sunday

Couldn't sleep, and wasn't resting well, so I decided to get out of bed and listen to a sermon. It was good to be fed spiritually.


2012/05/06 15:45 Sunday

Tomorrow will be a late night for me also. I am the new ride coordinator for the club, and there will be a club leadership meeting tomorrow evening at 5:30pm. We meet on the first Monday of the month.

After work and before the meeting, I have a doctor's appointment. I have given up on anyone figuring out why I am so tired all the time, but I'm going in for a follow-up anyway.


2012/05/06 15:30 Sunday

Did the club ride out to Verdi and back today. My mileage was 36.85 miles, and my average speed was a ridiculously slow 13.5 mph. I was going slow in part because there were strong wind gusts, and riding in gusts makes me nervous. Another reason I was going slow is that I am still getting used to my new pedals, so I was being very cautious.

My legs were somewhat sore today. The off-road ride yesterday used muscles I'm not used to using.

Yesterday, I was able to get rid of the sandbags I had in the bed of my truck. I had used them for a few winters and had stored them at my sister's house. They were coming apart, and I wanted to get rid of them this year, but I didn't know what to do with them. The meeting place for the ride yesterday was a dirt parking area near the river, and I emptied out the bags there and put the bags in the cab of my truck for proper disposal later.

I'll be picking up my friend Tina from work today and will take her to Walmart. It will be a late evening for me, as she doesn't get off work until 6:30pm. I'll probably take her to pick up a quick dinner also. I think I'll take a nap now, since I will be getting to bed late.


2012/05/05 19:40 Saturday

Did a mountain bike ride today with the club. I did only part of it, though. Most people did only the part I did. It started at the Mustang Trailhead and went to where the Nature Conservancy has done restoration of the Truckee River. There was a ceremony there for the restoration project. For the club ride, there was an option to go six more miles out to the USA Parkway before heading back. I had not ridden off-road for many years, and it took me a while to get used to the feel of it. I wish I had gone at least part of the way out to the USA Parkway to get more miles in, but it wasn't until I was part-way back that I started feeling comfortable on the bike. My mileage was only 8.89 miles.

I thought about getting on my road bike and putting in some miles after I got home, but ended up being too fatigued. By 2:30pm, I was bushed. Instead of riding more, I took my mountain bike to College Cyclery to have it looked at, as the drive train was slipping some during the ride.

Will be doing the club ride out to Verdi tomorrow. It just occurred to me that the Rock-n-River Marathon might interfere with the ride, so I looked up the course. The run might impede our ability to do our normal route, so I called the ride leader. We will see what happens tomorrow.

Unfortunately, in my new apartment, the living room faces the park-like area of the apartment complex. There are noisy children playing there. I have a very intense dislike of children and the noise they make. Truth be told, I despise children. Good thing I didn't marry a man who loves children. For that matter, good thing I didn't marry, period. I'm too much of a loner to have married.

I had planned on being in bed early tonight, but that didn't happen. I am off to get ready for bed now.


2012/05/04 17:05 Friday

Skipped riding again today. Too tired. Started listening to a sermon, but was too tired to pay attention. Am off to bed now.


2012/05/03 18:50 Thursday

Didn't ride today either. Am too tired. Had a really stressful day at work. Two positions were eliminated in my department, and that had me worrying about my job too. I had planned on riding after work as a stress reliever, but just couldn't get up the energy. Tried to listen to a sermon, but after about 15 minutes I gave up due to the fatigue. Showered, and now am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2012/05/02 Wednesday

Didn't get to ride today. As I was leaving work, my friend Tina called and said that she wanted to get another cat to keep her kitten company. I offered to take her to the Humane Society, and so off we went. She adopted another kitten.

I'm exhausted, and am off to get ready for bed.


2012/05/01 20:55 Tuesday

Did 25.27 miles on my commuter bike despite the wind. Averaged 13.6 mph, which is faster than I expected my average to be given the wind. The wind was reported to be blowing at 23 mph with gusts up to 29 mph.

On my ride yesterday, I saw an old man almost get hit by a motorcycle. It was at a section of the road around the park where the speed limit is 30 mph, and my guess is that the motorcycle was going at least that fast. The old man was scurrying across the road, and the motorcycle wasn't slowing down for him. The old man paused for just a second twice, but kept going, and the motorcycle kept going. Finally the old man stopped, and the motorcycle went around him. It was unnerving.

Am off to get ready for bed. It is past my bedtime.


2012/04/30 20:30 Monday

Am up way too late. Need to get to bed soon.

Did 25.28 miles on my commuter bike. Averaged only 13.2 mph. The wind was brutal. According to weather.com, it was blowing at 17 mph with gusts of 35 mph when I finished. Almost bailed on the ride at about 11 miles because of the strong gusts, but I kept going and the gusts subsided some a while after that.

Am off to get ready for bed.


2012/04/29 20:00 Sunday

Got the bathtub and shower tiles cleaned, and vacuumed. Faith the cat hid under the bed for quite some time due to the vacuuming.

Wanted to do a ride after finishing those chores, but was too tired even though it was still fairly early. Laid down for a bit to see if resting would give me the energy to ride, but was still too tired.

Didn't want to go to bed at 4pm, so I decided to take the time to listen to a couple of sermons. I am behind on listening to sermons. It was good to be fed spiritually. Something that the pastor said reminded me of a prayer I pray whenever I think of it. I pray to Christ that I need Him in my life, and not only do I need Him in my life, I want Him in my life. Needing and wanting are two very distinct things, obviously. The difference is illustrated in my life by the medication I take. I hate taking the medication, because it is highly likely that it is the medication that is making me tired all the time and is resulting in my weight gain. I do not want to take it, but need to.

On the ride yesterday, I thought at one point that I was going to crash. I was going down a hill behind two riders, and they stopped rather suddenly. If I hadn't been giving them plenty of room, I would have hit them. I slammed on my brakes and skidded. My other road bike brake pads didn't grab the rims as well as the ones on my Roubaix, so it surprised me that I was skidding. I released the brakes some to get traction, and was able to stop in time. The reason they had stopped was that we were at Greg LeMond's boyhood home, and one of the riders wanted to get a group photo in front of it. Greg LeMond is a former pro cyclist who won the Tour de France three times, and was the first American to win it.

It is past time for bed. I have to go back to work tomorrow. My vacation time flew by.


2012/04/29 13:05 Sunday

Am finishing up doing seven loads of laundry. Did five large loads, which is all I could carry to the laundry room in one trip, and then decided to wash my fleece and get that out of the way for the season. While I was at it, I washed a load of cycling gear, including tights. Won't need the tights for the rest of the season, with the possible exception of the beginning of the America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride. It is chilly at Lake Tahoe early in the morning, and I am scheduled to start at 7am. There will be a clothing drop at at least one rest stop, so I will be able to take off layers if I decide to wear tights.

Faith the cat continues to be skittish. She lets me pet her in the morning, but when we are in the living room during the day, she usually runs when I try to pet her.

Will clean the bathtub and shower tiles after finishing the laundry. Also need to vacuum. The clutter is probably a lost cause. Faith will probably be traumatized by the vacuum.


2012/04/28 19:45 Saturday

My mileage for the club ride ended up being only 33.03 miles, and my average speed was only 13.7 mph. There was a couple who showed up with mountain bikes. At least they had slick tires instead of knobbies. They rode surprisingly fast, given that they weren't on road bikes, but they still kept the pace of the group slower than it would have been otherwise. There were only six of us, including them, and we stayed together for the most part.

Have made some progress at cleaning the apartment. Still probably won't ride tomorrow, though, as there is a lot more I would like to do.


2012/04/27 19:00 Friday

Had an endodontist appointment this morning. He believes that the issues I am having may be solved by using a night guard.

Didn't ride today. Have been tired, even after about 12 hours of sleep. Was in bed for longer than that, as I had a lot of trouble falling asleep last night.

I need to get my apartment clean, as the annual inspection is scheduled for May 3rd. Have been doing odds and ends, but haven't made much progress.

Will be the co-leader of a club ride tomorrow. We will be starting at Bowers Mansion, will ride on Franktown Road, then go around Washoe Lake to the 7-11, then back the way we came, and then to the Davis Creek campground and back to put in a few extra miles. Some of us will be taking a couple of side trips up some hill climbs, also. The total mileage will be 38.6 miles or less, depending on the options ridden or skipped.

I probably won't ride on Sunday. Will likely hole up and try to get the apartment presentable.


2012/04/26 16:55 Thursday

Faith the cat survived the visit to the vet. She was so upset at one point, though, that she bit me. The vet was clipping her nails and I was holding her. Oh, well. She didn't hold the visit against me. I was afraid that she would hide under the bed for a week after we got home, but she is doing just fine.

I haven't been successful in finding a furball remedy that she will eat. She doesn't have any interest in treats or pet grass. The vet suggested trying canned pumpkin, but she wouldn't eat that either. He also suggested laxatone, which is the stuff that comes in tubes. I'll get some of that soon. He said to mix it in wet food or try a few other ways of getting her to eat it.

I'm exhausted. Haven't been able to get enough sleep the last few days, for one reason or another. Am off to get ready for bed.


2012/04/25 18:55 Wednesday

The situation with my neighbor's car wasn't as bad as I had expected. I had thought his mechanic was in Sparks, but it was just over near Costco.

Did 31.03 miles on my commuter bike today. Started the ride by going to College Cyclery to get a new tube for my Roubaix, as the patch I had put on the front tube wasn't holding air well. Then I did laps around Virginia Lake. Didn't want to get far from home, as it was very windy and the clouds were threatening rain. It sprinkled on and off while I was riding, but it never got to the point at which there was full-fledged rain. Averaged only 13.3 mph.

Have an appointment to take Faith the cat to the vet tomorrow morning. I am concerned about taking her there. She is still adapting to her new life, and I fear that a visit to the vet will traumatize her. She seems healthy, but I want to get her established as a patient so she will have a vet if she does need vet care.

I'm tired. Am off to get ready for bed.


2012/04/24 19:20 Tuesday

Took my friend Tina to the Humane Society this morning. She found an adorable grey kitten and adopted her.

After that, I took the Roubaix in to have it checked because the front wheel would wobble starting at about 30 mph. Turns out I had a defective tire. I had Rubino Pro tires put on, which are the tires I have been using on my Cannondale. That worked out well.

Didn't ride today. It was mid-afternoon by the time I would have been able to get ready, and I was tired. Had trouble falling asleep again last night, and my sleep was restless. Instead of riding, I did four loads of laundry, two of which were cycling gear. I still have four more loads to do sometime within the next couple of days.

Wanted to sleep in tomorrow, but one of my neighbors asked if I would pick him up in the morning when he drops his car off to get it repaired. He didn't say how he would get to the repair shop to pick it up when it is done, so I suppose I will have to drive him back to pick it up. The repair shop is in Sparks. I really don't want to deal with all that, but I'll bite the bullet and do it.


2012/04/23 20:30 Monday

Almost didn't ride today, as I was very tired by the time I could get ready to ride. Went ahead and got on the Roubaix, though, and am glad I did. As happens at times, I felt better during and after the ride than I did before getting on the bike. Did only 30.29 miles, and averaged a ridiculously slow 13.7 mph. For one thing, it was very windy, and for another, I bought new pedals today and was trying to get used to them. Rode out to Verdi and back, although I didn't ride up to the Belli Ranch area as I usually do. It was getting late, and also, there were storm clouds in the northeast that looked very threatening.

Picked up my friend Tina this morning and took her to the leasing office of the apartments where she lives. We took care of the cat lease agreement there. After that, we had an early lunch before going to Costco and then WalMart. Then I took her to work. Tomorrow we will go to Petco to pick up a few things, and then to the Nevada Humane Society to find a cat for her. She is very excited about getting a cat.

Well, it is past my bedtime, and I didn't get enough sleep last night. I had a lot of trouble falling asleep, and then I had to get up early to run errands with Tina. I'm off to get ready for bed. I hope I sleep well tonight.


2012/04/22 19:10 Sunday

Did the club ride out to Verdi and back today. My mileage was 36.32, and my average speed was 15.7 mph. Paid my bills after the ride, and then picked up a friend from her work after that. I'm exhausted and need to get to bed as soon as possible. I'm fading too fast to think. I've been awake less than 12 hours, but I can't function any longer.


2012/04/21 19:00 Saturday

Did a 44.93-mile club ride today. That distance isn't all that far, but we climbed quite a few fairly steep hills. On top of that, I have been tired today. Didn't get to bed last night until after 10pm, and the ride started at 9am. I needed to shower this morning before the ride, and I overslept. Wasn't sure I would make it to the starting point on time, but I did.

After the ride, I ran a couple of errands and then picked a friend up from work. I did some work on her bike, and then we went to Kinder's and had chicken Caesar salads.

Will be doing a club ride again tomorrow, but it doesn't start until 11am, so I won't need to get up all that early. I'm off to get ready for bed. Am rather tired.


2012/04/20 17:15 Friday

Had a decent ride today. Did 30.57 miles on my commuter bike. Averaged only 13.7 mph, but wasn't pushing myself. I had thought I might be too tired to ride, but decided to give it a try. I had wanted to ride my Roubaix out to Verdi, but since I was so tired, it seemed best to stay close to home. It is strange. I seem to feel less tired after my rides on days when I go ahead and ride even though I think I might be too tired to ride.

Left work a couple of hours early today. Wanted to get out of there and get started on my vacation. I will be off work all next week. Am hoping to get in some good rides. Will also need to clean the apartment and try to get it organized, as the annual inspection is coming up soon.

Am picking up a friend when she gets off from work at 6:30 this evening. We will go out to dinner and then take care of a couple of things at her apartment. Am going to re-enable the wireless network on her router in case her daughter takes her laptop over there and wants to connect. Am also going to show her how to get a wheel back on her bike and get the disk in between the brake pads. She isn't sure she got the wheel back on right after the last time she took it off.


2012/04/19 19:40 Thursday

Had a good ride today. Did 25 miles around Virginia Lake and then rode downtown to the bus station to put in my $0.02 worth at an RTC open house and express my support for bike lanes on the 4th Street/Prater Way corridor. Rode the commuter bike, and my total mileage was 30.42 miles. My average for the 25 miles around the lake was 13.8 mph, and my overall average was 13.4 mph.

It was surprising that I felt good on the bike. By about one o'clock today, I was feeling quite tired. I wasn't sure that I would be able to ride after work. I really wanted to go the the open house, though, and wanted to ride there so that I wouldn't have to deal with parking. Figured that since I was going to get on the bike, I was going to try to do a workout.

It has been nearly a couple of weeks since a sermon has been posted to my favorite sermon site. It always worries me when sermons aren't posted for a while, as the pastor has health issues. I pray consistently regarding his health, and also that God will be with him and his family. I also pray that he and his wife are meeting each others' needs.

I'm fading fast. Time to finish getting ready for bed.


2012/04/18 16:40 Wednesday

Have to get to bed very soon. I wanted to ride today, but by about 3:30pm, when I was thinking about getting ready to ride, I was losing my balance. Now I'm so tired my head is spinning. I need to get to bed ASAP.


2012/04/17 14:40 Tuesday

Will be going to the cycling club meeting this evening. I'm tired, but hopefully I won't be so tired on the drive home that I would be dangerous. It won't be over until about 7:30 or 8pm, so I will need to shower before going. I think I'll shower now and then lay down for a bit before the meeting.


2012/04/16 18:45 Monday

Did 25.22 miles on my commuter bike. Averaged only 13.0 mph. The wind gusts were brutal. I had hoped to be able to ride my Roubaix out to Verdi today, but decided against it because I didn't want to be far from home if the wind got to be more than I could handle.

Have had a bit of a headache, and am a little stuffy. I hope I'm not coming down with something.

Have decided not to lead the ride on the 28th that I was thinking about doing. The latest forecast is calling for rain on Saturday.

Off to get ready for bed now....


2012/04/15 18:15 Sunday

Looked at today's ride signup sheet, and it turns out that everyone was accounted for after all. That makes me feel better.

I might be leading a club ride on Saturday the 28th. I have suggested one to the ride coordinator. The one I want to do starts at Mormon Station in Genoa, goes to Woodfords Station, and then back through Diamond Valley. It is a 43-mile ride. I don't really like leading rides, in part because the ride leader usually rides sweep, and that typically means riding slower than I would like to. I might withdraw my suggestion anyway, as it is supposed to rain most days the week before and on the Sunday after that. The forecast is calling for a break in the weather on that Saturday, though.

I'm off to bed now.


2012/04/15 16:50 Sunday

Only made it for about 15 minutes on the trainer. Am just too exhausted, and need to shower and get to bed.

My mileage on the Verdi ride today was only 24.58 miles, and my average speed was only 14.9 mph. I don't know what my mileage on the trainer was, as the road bike is not set up with a rear wheel computer, but on the trainer, only the rear wheel spins.


2012/04/15 16:20 Sunday

The club ride didn't go well. One guy wasn't able to keep up because he hadn't been riding and wasn't in condition, so I was off the back with him for a while. I think there might have been another guy even further back. I thought I was bringing up the rear, but it occurred to me when I was uploading the photos to the Meetup site that I don't think he was with us. Some ride leader I am....

When we were going down a street in Mogul, my chain came off the chainring, and it took me a bit to get it back on. The group was waiting for me when I got to the bike path, and we took off again.

When we were just getting to Verdi, the slow guy said that he would wait on the highway until we looped back around. I didn't want him to have to wait that long, but he insisted.

Then, one of the guys had a flat. I went ahead to let the faster group know what had happened. We typically regroup at the school in Verdi, and we waited a long time for the guy who flatted and the woman who was waiting with him. Some of the guys finally went ahead, and I rode back to see what was taking so long. The guy who flatted and the woman with him said they were heading back. The tire that had flatted wasn't holding air well.

There was another guy who had waited with me, and we went on with the ride. Then, when we got back to Roy Gomm School, which was the start and finish point, I saw the car of the guy who had flatted. Since they should have been back long before us, I had to figure out where he was. Being the ride leader, I had the signup sheet with his cell phone number, but he didn't answer when I called.

It turned out that he and the woman who stayed with him had changed out the patched tube for a new one, and that one held air. They had decided to go ahead and ride most of the normal route that goes through Verdi.

I really don't like being the ride leader. I don't do a very good job of it.

I have been tired all day, but I am going to ride the trainer for a while and practice clipping and unclipping. I will listen to a sermon while doing so, but I don't know if I will make it for the entire length of the sermon. I still have to shower, and will need to get to bed early.


2012/04/15 08:40 Sunday

I see that the Nevada Prayer Breakfast will be held on April 24th. I will be off from work that week, so I would be able to attend. I won't be in attendance, though. For one thing, I'm not a socializer, and for another, I avoid public religious gatherings for fear of running into people from the church from which I am in exile.

Got to bed late last night, and then had difficulty falling asleep. Even after I fell asleep, it was restless sleep. Had my alarm set for 6:30am, but hit snooze for an hour or so.


2012/04/14 19:15 Saturday

Rode my commuter bike today. Didn't want to take my new road bike out, as rain was a possibility. Started off the ride by going to College Cyclery to have new grips put on the commuter bike. The old ones kept rotating. The ones I bought today lock in place with a bolt. It is really nice not to have the grips rotate. It wouldn't have been so bad if the grips were standard ones, but they were ergonomic grips. Ergonomic grips are not round; they have a sort of platform that juts out for the heel of the hand to rest upon. The replacement ones are ergonomic also.

The ride to College Cyclery was about 2 1/2 miles, and then I rode home for a restroom break. After that, I headed to Virginia Lake. I decided to do at least 35 miles, since I figured the first five miles didn't count. Well, at least the first 2 1/2 miles didn't count, since I was standing around for a time after that while the grips were being installed and the derailleurs were being adjusted. My total mileage for the day was 36.07 miles. Averaged only 13.0 mph. It was windy and I have been tired all day despite sleeping 12 hours last night.

I also went to College Cyclery before riding my commuter bike there. I drove over with my old road bike. I didn't have pedals on it, and I wanted to have the ones that were originally on my new road bike put on my old road bike. As I have mentioned previously, I was having some trouble clipping out of them, so a while ago, I had the pedals from my old bike put on the new one. After my ride, I put the old road bike on the trainer so that I could practice getting out of the pedals. The owners of College Cyclery, Randy and Amy, had advised me that the proper position from which to clip out is 3 o'clock, and I have been trying to get in the habit of clipping out there. When I got on the trainer and started experimenting, I realized that I can indeed clip out in any position. It is just more difficult to clip out of the new pedals in comparison to my old ones, as the pedals hold on tighter to the cleats. The old pedals are very easy to clip out of; in fact, when I first got them years ago, I was concerned that I might accidentally unclip. As Amy has said, there is quite a bit of float with the old pedals. Those pedals grip the cleats only lightly.

I will be leading the Verdi club ride tomorrow, as the usual leader is out of town for a ride he is leading in the Folsom area. I sort of wish I had planned on doing that ride. I had decided against it because I didn't want to deal with driving all the way there, and went ahead and volunteered to lead the Verdi ride. If I hadn't already volunteered, I might have done the out-of-town ride instead.

Oh, well. I am tired and need to get ready for bed.


2012/04/14 09:55 Saturday

Opened up Logos this morning to do Bible study. On the home page, there was the story at Genesis 22 of Abraham being called to sacrifice his son Isaac. When I read about people in the Bible who knew that they had a word from God to take some action, it makes me wonder how they could have been certain that God was directing them to take the action. Myself, I wouldn't have the confidence to be assured that God was directing me to perform an action, especially if it were something as drastic as Abraham being directed to sacrifice his son.


2012/04/13 16:25 Friday

Didn't ride today. Was too tired; stayed up too late last night. Am planning on being in bed no later than 5:30pm tonight.


2012/04/12 19:50 Thursday

Didn't ride today either. Got my hair cut after work. A while after that, I picked up a friend at her workplace, and then went to her apartment to disable the wireless access on her u-verse router.

Am tired. Am off to get ready for bed. It is late.


2012/04/11 18:10 Wednesday

Didn't ride today. Have been fairly tired today. Besides, I received a new bike accessory today that I had ordered online, and I have been figuring out how to use it. I had a large dividend from REI, and I used it to buy a bike GPS.

I'm off to finish getting ready for bed. I am fading fast.


2012/04/10 18:25 Tuesday

Did 25.25 miles on my commuter bike. Averaged only 13.1 mph. The wind was brutal. According to weather.com, it was blowing at 17 mph and gusting up to 26 mph.

I don't know if it is a coincidence, but I have been feeling less tired since I have stopped using FRS.

Have been very busy at work lately. It has been one thing right after another.

Faith the cat is doing well. I am thankful that she is a good cat.

I had better shower and get to bed as soon as possible. The alarms will start going off at 3am, although I will hit snooze until about 3:45.


2012/04/09 19:15 Monday

Did 25.87 miles on my road bike (the new one, which is a Specialized Roubaix Comp). I would normally ride my commuter bike after work, but I wanted to figure out what was causing an intermittent clicking noise. Turns out it was due to my crossing the chain too far. I was riding at times with the chain on the small chainring (the sprockets in the front are called "chainrings") and the smallest sprocket on the cassette (the group of rear sprockets are called the "cassette"). As the small chainring is to the left, and the smallest sprocket is to the right, that makes the chain cross over at too much of an angle. I'll have to change my shifting patterns; I was able to get away with it on my old road bike, but not the new one.

I had plenty of time to ride before sunset, as I am on the 5am-1:30pm shift this month, so I didn't need to take out my commuter bike with all its lights.

I started off by doing laps around Virginia Lake, as I didn't want to get too far from home in case the clicking noise was due to an impending mechanical failure. I wasn't all that comfortable riding around the lake, though, as there were too many cars and pedestrians. On my road bike, I get going faster than on my commuter bike, and I didn't want to deal with the possibility that I would have to slam on the brakes to avoid a pedestrian or a driver pulling away from the curb without looking.

After determining what was causing the intermittent clicking, I decided to ride part of the way out to Verdi to bring my mileage up to at least 25 miles. I took off from the lake at about 6.5 miles. It was windy, and the strong gusts were blowing me around, so I turned around at Mogul and headed for home. I ended up doing a couple more laps around the lake to top off my mileage. If it hadn't been so windy, I would have done at least 30 miles. Doing only 25 on my road bike seems like cheating. The road bike is much faster and is much easier to ride than the commuter bike.

My average speed was only 15.1 mph. Got caught behind slow-moving traffic quite a bit at the lake, and also, when the gusts are blowing me around, I ride slower and more cautiously.

It is past my bedtime. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/04/08 17:05 Sunday

The day has gotten away from me. Did a few loads of laundry this morning, then took a nap. Did a ride even though I was very tired. Decided to ride outdoors because the weather was so nice, although it was a bit windy. Rode 30.42 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.6 mph. Was having trouble concentrating on prayer during the ride because I was so tired. Felt exhausted after the ride, but felt a little better after eating. Am going to shower and get to bed soon.


2012/04/08 07:25 Sunday

A blessed and happy Easter to one and all.

Have decided not to do the club ride. Will stay home and do Bible study instead. Will probably do a ride on the trainer and listen to a sermon. Also need to do a couple of loads of laundry, as I didn't get it all done last weekend.

Slept only about 7 1/2 hours last night. Got to bed late, then had trouble falling asleep. Even so, I woke up at about 6am.

Stopped using FRS a few days ago. I don't think it could have been causing the weight gain I have had over the last few months, but just in case, I decided to see what happens when I don't use it. The weight gain started about the same time that I started using it. The dose of Synthroid I was taking was increased about the same time also. I'm not taking Sythroid now, and I haven't lost weight, so the next step is stopping the FRS.


2012/04/07 19:25 Saturday

Did the club ride. My mileage was 38.17, but I don't know my average speed. About halfway through the ride, we stopped for a snack stop. During the stop, I bent over my handlebars to check the sensor on my computer. In doing so, I accidentally reset the computer. It has two distance readings, and the second one wasn't reset, so I know my mileage. My average speed for the second half of the ride was only 14.2 mph, but I was going a lot slower during that part of the ride than during the first part. On the first part of the ride, we split into a faster and a slower group. I rode with the faster group then. On the second part of the ride, most of the faster group had gone back to their cars and left the ride. The rest of us stayed together for the most part after that.

Went to Costco after the ride. It was packed. I figured it would be, but I didn't want to wait until Monday to go.

Have to shower tonight, since I didn't shower last night or this morning. I might go on the club ride tomorrow even though it will be Easter.


2012/04/07 08:00 Saturday

Slept 14 hours last night. Would have slept longer, except that I had an alarm set because I'm planning on going on the club ride today.


2012/04/06 16:45 Friday

Change of plans. Am too tired to shower. I'm going to bed.


2012/04/06 16:30 Friday

I am in despair. The exhaustion is too much for me. I want to ride, but after working a full day, I am unable to do so. I'm fed up with that being the case. I am planning on doing a 37.5 mile club ride tomorrow, which means that I had better shower and get to bed as soon as possible. I doubt that I would be able to get up in time to shower in the morning before the ride, so I need to do so tonight even though I am already so tired I am staggering.


2012/04/06 15:30 Friday

While reading the news online just now, I watched a video about a man who had a sex change and became a woman. She competed in the Miss Universe competition. She stated something to the effect that she couldn't bear to look at herself in the mirror when she was male. I know the feeling. I hate looking at my body because it is female. I hate showering, because my body is not covered and I can't ignore the hated fact that I am female.


2012/04/05 16:00 Thursday

Would like to go to bed now, but have to pick up a friend from work at 4:30pm and then set up her Internet equipment for her. After that, I will still have to shower. Don't know how I am going to be able to survive.


2012/04/04 16:30 Wednesday

Based on how I felt at work today, I knew I would be too tired to ride this afternoon. Because of that, I wasn't worried about eating right after work. Went to Braido's on the way home and picked up a sandwich. It was really good.

Am so tired I'm staggering. Am planning on being in bed by 5pm.


2012/04/03 16:00 Tuesday

Really wanted to ride today, but am too tired. Got home from work at about 2pm, took care of a couple of emails, and scanned the news. By that time, it was three o'clock, and I was fading fast. I knew I was too tired to ride. I debated about going to Braido's for a sandwich, as I have been craving their jalapeno cheddar bread, but I was too tired to get in the truck and drive the few miles there. By 3:45pm, I was staggering from exhaustion. I would go to bed right now, but I need to shower. I will be going to bed as soon as possible.


2012/04/02 16:45 Monday

Am very tired, but am going to attend the cycling club leadership committee meeting anyway. Laid down in bed for about an hour to rest. Am going to skim the news quickly before the meeting.


2012/04/01 18:00 Sunday

Today's ride was a go, as the weather didn't justify cancelling it. I drove to Roy Gomm School, as I needed to take a clipboard for people to sign the release. My total mileage was only 27.81 miles, and my average speed was only 13.7 mph. There were five of us initially, although only four were official. The unofficial guy rides with us sometimes, but typically shows up at the last minute and usually doesn't want to sign up for some reason. Maybe he is embarrassed to be on record as riding with us, as he is a faster rider than most of us. Anyway, one of the women who rode was fairly slow, but we didn't want to drop her. Our club rides are casual, and we try to welcome all levels, within reason.

The guy who I suspect of having a mental illness showed up as we were not too far from Verdi. He was annoying, and one of the guys on the ride who is on the leadership committee told him so in no uncertain terms while we were stopped taking a break at the top of a hill. The annoying guy took it pretty well, and indicated that he needed to know what he was doing wrong in order to stop being that way. I think the guy is a lost cause. He was still fairly annoying even after he was read the riot act.

One of the other leadership committee members had sent out an email to the other members to the effect that he didn't think the annoying guy should be welcome on our rides. I am uncomfortable with excluding people, but if the guy is going to drive people away from our rides, which could well happen, I think we should exclude him. At the very least, his behavior would disturb the peace of our rides. I am not on the leadership committee, but I have been invited to the leadership meeting tomorrow, and I am sure we will be discussing the situation.

The annoying guy almost got hit by an SUV on the way out to Verdi. He was just ahead of me and wanted me to pass him. He was out of the bike lane and in the road, and was motioning me to pass. I saw cars coming up behind us, and kept yelling, "car back," but he wouldn't get out of the road. Worse, he swerved further into the road as the SUV was passing, and almost ran into the SUV. I pointed out to him that he almost got hit, and asked him to get out of the road. He said, "Don't worry; I know how to ride in traffic." I reiterated that he almost got hit, but it didn't phase him.

I wasn't able to drag myself out of bed in time to shower this morning, so I absolutely have to shower tonight. I will be on the 5am-1:30pm shift starting tomorrow and will be for the rest of the fiscal month. I will plan on taking a nap before the leadership meeting tomorrow. Now, I'm off to shower and then get to bed as soon as possible. I am very tired.


2012/03/31 16:30 Saturday

Was hoping to be able to ride today, but got too tired too early. Woke up at about 7:30am after roughly 13 hours of sleep, and by 3:30pm, I was staggering from exhaustion. Washed some of my laundry this morning, then ran a few errands.

I'm supposed to be the ride leader for the club ride tomorrow, as the usual leader is out of town. I'm going to have to get up early to shower tomorrow morning, as I am too tired to shower tonight. Truth be told, I hope I have to cancel the ride due to weather. I don't know if I will feel up to riding.

Chico Velo is going to cancel my registration and provide a refund. I am thankful for that.

Faith the cat has very soft fur. I like petting her. Gave her exercise with the laser pointer this afternoon, as usual.

I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/03/30 17:20 Friday

Yet another day of being too tired to ride. I am fed up with being exhausted. This is no way to live.

Haven't heard back from Chico Velo yet. I hope I will be able to get a refund.

Faith the cat really likes to chase the laser pointer. I have been giving her exercise with it, but not too much at once. After two years in a cage at the shelter, she probably needs to build up slowly.

I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/03/29 17:40 Thursday

Didn't ride today. Too tired. Emailed the Chico Velo Cycling Club asking if I would be able to cancel my registration for their century ride and receive a refund. Just haven't been able to train sufficiently, and don't see any way that I would be able to be ready for the ride in a month with the way my health has been. If I were in good health, I could likely prepare sufficiently in a month, but I am not in good health, and I am giving up on ever having a normal amount of energy again.

Perhaps it is due to being tired all the time, but I am very impatient in some situations. I am patient with the users at work, even the clueless ones, but outside of work, I am easily irritated by people. I am very impatient with drivers who take forever to move their vehicles when stoplights turn green, and I am very impatient with conversation and storytelling.

Faith the cat was chasing her tail in the living room yesterday evening. She continues to get more and more comfortable. Right now, she is taking a nap on her cat tree.

I am so tired that my head is spinning. I have to shower before bed, though.


2012/03/28 21:05 Wednesday

Did 25 miles on the trainer at an average speed of only 14.2 mph. Didn't think I would make it for the entire 25 miles that was my goal. My sit bones were getting saddle-sore by about 15 miles. Shifted my weight, and managed to hold on for the rest of the mileage. Adjusted the saddle after the ride in the hope that I can eliminate the problem.

I still don't understand how heaven could possibly be bearable for me. As I have stated before, I cannot bear the thought of being female for all eternity. No matter what my body might be like in heaven, if it were to be female, heaven would unquestionably have an element of hell for me. I cannot imagine that gender expectations would miraculously evaporate in heaven. Also, as I have also stated before, I cannot bear the thought of having to interact with the multitudes in heaven.

Furthermore, it has been stated that we will have perfect bodies in heaven, but I don't think that having perfect bodies should be thought of as having physical attractiveness.

Faith the cat is getting more and more comfortable with her new home and with me. She has been spending more time in the living room instead of hiding out underneath the bed. She likes her cat tree.

I'm very tired. I'm going to get ready for bed.


2012/03/28 17:00 Wednesday

Picked up my sweatshirts from the catalog desk this afternoon. It was nice and easy; much better than a trip to the dreaded WalMart.

I debated about riding today. As usual, I am tired. However, I really want to get in a ride. I have decided to ride the trainer so that I will be able to listen to a sermon. I may be sorry about riding the trainer, though, as I might end up riding it again for the next few days if the weather is as bad as it is predicted to be. My concerns are that I will get saddle-sore and bored.

If I'm going to ride, I had better get started. It is getting late.


2012/03/27 19:10 Tuesday

Yet another day closer to the century ride, and yet another day when I didn't ride. Had an errand to run after work, and the timing got in the way of my being able to ride.

It occurred to me that I could order sweatshirts from jcpenney.com and get them as cheap as I could get them from WalMart, and I wouldn't have to go to WalMart to get them. I ordered a couple of them online, and am having them delivered to the catalog door at work. It is possible that I will be able to pick them up after work tomorrow.

I'm so tired that my head is spinning, and I still have to shower. I'm off to do that and then get to bed.


2012/03/26 21:20 Monday

Almost forgot to post tonight. Got sidetracked with various things. After work, I took my road bikes in to the bike shop to have the pedals from my old bike put on my new bike. I'm going to use the old pedals until I get used to clipping out at the three o'clock position.

After that, I went to dinner with my downstairs neighbor. She had been out of town, and I picked up her mail and packages for her while she was gone. She wanted to take me out to dinner as a thank you. I told her she didn't need to do that, but she insisted. For one thing, she wanted to talk.

Faith the cat is getting more and more comfortable with her home. She likes the cat tree, and she also likes to chase the laser pointer. I had her chasing it for quite a while this evening. I didn't want to have her get too much exercise, though, as the transition from two years of living in a kennel in the shelter to running around chasing a laser pointer could put a strain on her physically.

I'm tired. I'm going to finish getting ready for bed and hit the sack.


2012/03/25 17:20 Sunday

The club ride was cancelled today due to the wind. I went ahead and rode by myself. Did 30.46 miles on my commuter bike. Averaged only 13.3 mph. For a while, I thought about bailing on the ride and getting on the trainer instead because of the gusts. Not long after that, though, the gusts eased up to a manageable level.

I had an older computer that I wasn't using, and today I took it over to the apartment of the friend who was released from prison a while back. Did that after my ride. I was going to do laundry after that, but decided I was too tired. I'll end up doing three weeks' worth of laundry next week, or maybe I'll try to do laundry after work one day next week. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

Listened to last Sunday's sermon after getting home from the friend's place. Myself, I wouldn't want to be part of a church, but I do pray for the church from which I am in exile. I pray for the people of the church as individuals, and for the church corporately. I pray that the church will be blessed spiritually and financially, and that it will thrive and flourish. I also pray for myself and some specific individuals. I pray that the Lord will be with us in all that we do, and that He will draw us ever nearer to Himself.


2012/03/24 20:25 Saturday

Faith the cat finally noticed the cat tree. She played on it for a while. She was chasing her tail on the base, on one of the platforms, and in the cat condo. She also used one of its scratching posts. I was glad to see that, as she has scratched the carpet some.

I was going to go to WalMart today, but ran short of time. I want to get a couple more cheap sweatshirts for sleeping. Last night, I was very cold for a while even though I was under a lot of covers. I finally got up to see if I had forgotten to turn up the heat, and realized that my T-shirt and sweatshirt were damp. I changed into a dry T-shirt and sweatshirt, and then warmed up enough to get back to sleep. I'll try to go to WalMart sometime this coming week after work.

I did go to Costco today. Both the gas station and the store were packed. I survived the crowds.

Did 30.49 miles on my commuter bike this afternoon. It was very windy. Accuweather was reporting the wind speed as being 26 mph at the start of my ride. Averaged 13.7 mph.

There is a guy who recently started posting messages on the cycling club's Facebook and MeetUp pages. He also went to the last club meeting. His behavior is strange. He may be mentally ill. That dredges up bad memories.

Faith the cat is back on the cat tree. She is on the top platform, which is 57" high, and is grooming herself. It is good to see her getting more comfortable with her surroundings.


2012/03/24 11:40 Saturday

Faith the cat hasn't discovered the cat tree yet. She went into the dining area and hopped onto the windowsill, then started doing something else in there. When I went to see what see was doing, she made a beeline for the bedroom. Oh, well. She is still getting used to her new home.

It is windy out. According to the accuweather app on my phone, the wind is blowing at only 10 mph. Based on the movement of the trees, though, it looks as though there are some strong gusts. I had thought to do a ride on my new bike somewhere other than Virginia Lake and practice unclipping at the three o'clock position, but I don't want to deal with the wind on a bike with pedals that make me very nervous. What I have decided to do is ride my commuter bike around Virginia Lake and practice unclipping at the three o'clock position on that bike. That will help me form the habit but I won't run the risk of getting stuck in the pedal if I end up unclipping at a different position.


2012/03/24 11:15 Saturday

I ordered a cat tree for Faith the cat soon after I adopted her, and I finally got around to putting it together this morning. I got her to follow me out of the bedroom, after some coaxing, but couldn't get her to go near the cat tree. Before long, she went back to the bedroom.

Just now, though, she came back into the living room. I'll see if I can get her to notice the cat tree.


2012/03/23 21:30 Friday

It is late and past my bedtime. I am very tired.

Left work early today since I went in early on Monday. Took my new bike in to College Cyclery to see about getting the pedals adjusted. Some pedals can be adjusted so that the cleat on the shoe comes out of the pedal easier. The pedals on my new bike are much harder to get out of than the pedals on my other bikes. They are a different type and brand. The documentation that came with the pedals said they could be adjusted, but I couldn't find the adjustment screw that it referenced. Also, when I mentioned to the owner a couple of weeks ago that it was much more difficult to get out of my new pedals than my old ones, he didn't say anything about being able to adjust them. I didn't think they could be adjusted, but the owner's wife insisted they could be, so I took the bike in this afternoon. The owner is out of town, so I was dealing with his wife. Anyway, it turns out that they can't be adjusted. She told me that I should try to get used to unclipping at the 3 o'clock position. The owner had told me that is the correct position, and it is true that it is easier to get out of the pedals at that position, but I am used to being able to get out of the pedals easily at any position. She encouraged me to keep the new pedals, as they are a more efficient pedal than the ones I have been using. I haven't decided yet what to do.

I rode my new bike today for a short distance. I was riding laps around Virginia Lake and trying to get used to unclipping at the 3 o'clock position. I practiced doing so, but spent a lot of time unclipped because I was afraid that a car would pull out in front of me and I would crash because of not being able to get out of the pedal fast enough. It was not a good ride, to say the least. I bailed on the ride after 14.83 miles, in part because I was nervous about the possibility of crashing due to not being able to unclip fast enough, and in part because there were strong wind gusts that made me even more nervous about the possibility of crashing. When I got home, I rode the trainer for 16 miles. I was hoping to be able to do 25 on the trainer, but was too tired and was also saddle-sore fairly early in the ride. My average for the road bike ride was a ridiculously slow 13.2 mph, and it was only 13.6 on the trainer, which is also ridiculously slow.

Listened to the rest of an old sermon that I had started listening to the last time I rode the trainer, and also listened to the sermon from two Sundays ago. I had wanted to listen to it again. I haven't listened to last Sunday's sermon yet.

I need to go to bed. My head is starting to spin from exhaustion.


2012/03/22 18:30 Thursday

Skipped riding yet another day. Am too tired. I don't know how I will be able to do the century ride on April 29th. I haven't been able to train for it due to the fatigue and the demands of life.

Left the bedroom door open this morning so that Faith the cat would have freedom to roam the apartment all day. When I arrived home from work, she was under the bed, though. She has been in and out of the bedroom since I got home.

I'm off to get ready for bed. I should have gone to bed even earlier, but I was reading the news and so forth.


2012/03/21 20:15 Wednesday

Didn't ride today. Had to take care of a couple of things after work, then got sidetracked trying to figure out a sizing chart for a jersey that is given out to cyclists who register for a ride called the Gran Fondo. Got irritated by that. To make matters worse, the order form does not give females the option of ordering a men's jersey. I'm probably not going to do the ride because of those issues.

Faith the cat has had free run of the apartment since I got done with the after-work tasks. She is adapting well. I'm going to leave the bedroom door open tonight, and I might leave it open while I am at work tomorrow.

I am so exhausted that I am losing my balance, but I still have to shower.


2012/03/20 21:25 Tuesday

It has been a long day. Got home late due to the doctor's appointment and the cycling club meeting. The doctor and I decided to discontinue the Synthroid and see how I do. Although I have had symptoms of low thyroid levels for years, bloodwork has always shown that my levels were in the normal range. They were typically at the lower end of the normal range, and my last doctor thought bringing them up to a little above the median might help alleviate the symptoms I was having. However, I have been doing worse since I started taking the Synthroid, especially since increasing the dose from 25mcg to 50 mcg.

Faith the cat wanted out of the bedroom when I got home, so I opened the door. I had planned on going to bed without bothering to read the news, as I am tired. However, since she wanted out, I decided to go ahead and read the news while giving her time to roam. She is still skittish when not in the bedroom, but she is starting to adjust.

One reason that I had hesitated to get a pet is that I don't have much time to spend with one. Another is that my apartment isn't all that large. However, my thinking is that despite those limitations, Faith has it much better now than she did living her life in a kennel at the shelter. At least she has room to run now, and I do give her attention for at least a while morning and night.

It is way past my bedtime. I need to finish getting ready for bed now.


2012/03/19 19:10 Monday

Am exhausted and would like to go to bed right now, but need to shower. Won't have time to shower tomorrow evening, so I have to tonight. Tomorrow after work, I have a doctor's appointment, and then a cycling club meeting after that.

After work today, I had a dental checkup and cleaning. Then I went by Eclipse Running to pick up some Cytomax. It is a powdered sport drink mix. After that, I read the news online.

I am sorry to hear that Peyton Manning is signing with the Broncos, as that effectively means that Tim Tebow will be traded or released. I hope that things work out well for Tebow.

A new sermon has been posted, but I am too tired to listen to it tonight, and won't have time tomorrow.

Faith the cat is exploring the world outside my bedroom. She is getting more comfortable with me and with her surroundings.

I'm off to the shower now and then to bed.


2012/03/18 17:55 Sunday

Had a miserable ride on my commuter bike today. Was tired even though I napped for a couple of hours before riding. It was cold and windy during the ride. I was dressed for the cold and most of the time I was comfortable temperature-wise, but I had a few hot flashes followed by bad chills. Those are insults added to the unbearable injury of being female. As to the wind, there obviously wasn't anything I could do about that other than push myself harder. I wasn't sure I would be able to finish the 30 miles that I wanted to do today, but I managed to hold on and do 30.51 miles. My average speed was a pitiful 12.4 mph, but at least I did the whole 30 miles.

I need to shower and get to bed.


2012/03/18 07:05 Sunday

Had a rough night. It was 10pm before I finally got to bed, and I laid there half-awake for over an hour. My sleep was restless. As usual, I was awakened a number of times by hot flashes. At one point, I turned the thermostat down to 68 degrees, as I wasn't feeling cold in between the hot flashes. However, after that, I started getting very cold again, and finally got up and set the thermostat back up to 72.

I had planned to sleep late, but when I woke up not long after 5am, I decided to get out of bed. I am hoping to get to sleep early this evening, as I will be getting up early tomorrow. I will be starting work at 5am instead of 7am. Usually, after planned power outages, there are various issues with the equipment out in the warehouse. We don't power on all of the end-user devices; we leave the end-users to power on their own equipment. Some of the problems are just user error, but we still have to respond to the calls. It will be good to have as much tech coverage as possible, which is why I will be going in early.


2012/03/17 21:10 Saturday

Had a good day today. It didn't start out all that well, as I had trouble sleeping last night due to stress. I was concerned about yesterday's power-down and whether or not I had done everything correctly. I sometimes worry needlessly when I am tired. I felt better about things once I had gotten up and started on the day. Had a couple of homemade dark cherry mocha coffee drinks, ate breakfast, and read the news. Then I bundled up and did 30.47 miles on my commuter bike. Averaged only 13.5 mph, but as I have written before, at least I rode.

When I got in to work, I had some pizza that was brought in for the power-up. I arrived a little early, and besides, I was scheduled to be there half-an-hour before we started the main part of the power-up. It was good that I was able to eat, as I didn't have time to do so before leaving for work after my ride.

The work on the electrical substation was completed on time, and as the substation is housed outside of the main building, it was good that the weather was not harsh. There was some question earlier in the week as to whether or not the work would be cancelled, as the forecast was predicting wind and snow. However, as it turned out, the wind wasn't too bad, and it was dry.

The power-up went smoothly, with the exception of a couple of servers that weren't talking on the network after they were powered up. There was some tension about that, but I put forth the suggestion that we take network cables and connect the servers directly to a switch, and that worked. The normal cable routing goes underneath the floor tiles and then back up into cabinets and to what are called patch panels, and then short patch cables are run from the patch panel ports to the switch ports. The cables we ended up running are above the floor and they bypass the patch panels. It isn't pretty, but it got the servers back on the network until remediation can be done on the normal cable routing. Some work was done on the cable routing while the power was down, and something went wrong.

Faith the cat ventured out of the bedroom again this evening. I had left her in the bedroom with the door closed while I was riding and while I was at work, but when I arrived home from work, I opened the door so that she could come out and explore. She is making progress. I even got her to play some. She was in the hallway near the bedroom door, and I got her to chase a laser pointer.

It is way past my bedtime, and I am fading fast. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/03/17 10:00 Saturday

Have to be at work at 2:30 today for the power-up of IT equipment. Am going to try to get in 30 miles on my commuter bike beforehand.

Faith the cat ventured out of the bedroom a little more this morning. She is back underneath the bed now, though.


2012/03/16 11:05 Friday

Wasn't able to drag myself out of bed until about 7am. Had set the alarm for 5am, but hit snooze for a couple of hours. Am still tired. Am going to talk to the doctor about the Synthroid. I don't know if it is a coincidence, but my need for sleep has intensified since I started taking it. It was bad before, but it has gotten even worse.

Did 20 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.9 mph. Did only 20 for two reasons: One, I am operating under the time constraint of having to be at work at noon, and doing only 20 miles has given me extra time to spend giving attention to Faith the cat; and two, my sit bones were painful starting at about 15 miles, and I barely made it to 20 because of that. I will adjust the nose of the saddle up a little before the next time I ride the trainer; that should help.

Listened to sermons from the past while riding. I am thankful to have sermons to listen to and for the inspiration they provide.


2012/03/15 17:45 Thursday

Skipped the bike skills clinic, and didn't ride at all. Too tired.

Have left the bedroom door open for the last hour or so, and Faith the cat has ventured out to explore. She is wide-eyed, and at times she makes a bee-line back to the bedroom. Haven't decided if I will leave the bedroom door open tonight.

Will be starting work at noon tomorrow, and will be working on Saturday starting at 2:30. There is a planned power outage taking place this weekend, and we will be powering down all IT equipment starting tomorrow afternoon. Work on an electrical substation will be done on Saturday morning, and after that is done, we will do the power up of IT equipment.

I'm hoping to be able to drag myself out of bed early enough tomorrow morning to do a ride. I'm going to get ready for bed now.


2012/03/14 20:20 Wednesday

I bought some Whisker Lickin's crunchy cat treats the other day. I had planned to use them to lure Faith the cat into the bedroom once she starts roaming the apartment. I want to put her in the bedroom when I go for rides, as I am concerned that she will slip out the door when I am getting my bikes in and out. However, I tried to give her some of the treats this evening, and she wasn't at all interested. I'll give those to a coworker and try a different brand.

Did 25.27 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 14.2 mph. It was windy, and I was cold. I decided to try wearing less gear than I have been, but I needed more than I ended up wearing. I didn't wear tights, and my legs were somewhat cold. I was concerned that I wouldn't be able to do my goal of 25 miles due to the fact that my sit bones were so painful yesterday, but I didn't have any problem. I sit upright on the trainer most of the time, and I think that is a large part of the problem. When sitting upright, all the pressure is on the sit bones, rather than being distributed.

Prayed quite a bit while riding. One thing I gave thanks for was the privilege of being before the Lord in prayer.

I might go to a road bike skills clinic tomorrow evening. I could stand to improve my group riding skills and to get more comfortable riding in a group. I don't really want to go, though. It will take time, and I don't have much time. Maybe it will get rained out and the decision will be made for me.

I'm exhausted. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/03/13 20:40 Tuesday

Faith the cat is making steady progress. She comes out from underneath the bed to be petted whenever I go into the room. I'm taking it slow with her. For example, I haven't tried to pick her up and hold her yet. I left the bedroom door open for a little while again this evening, but she didn't venture forth.

Did 25 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.9 mph. Felt better today than yesterday. My sit bones are saddle-sore, though. The saddle that was on the bike on the trainer wasn't very good, and riding the trainer the last couple of days left me sore. I stopped by College Cyclery on the way home from work and picked up a better saddle, but the damage from the last two days was done. I could hardly sit on the saddle for the last several miles. I might have to skip riding tomorrow in order to recover.

One reason I rode the trainer today was that I wanted to listen to more sermons. I started with one on 1 Corinthians 13, and then listened to the one from the week after that. I also listened to about half of the one from the following week. I was done with my ride then, and didn't continue to listen to the rest of it because I wanted to give Faith the cat more attention, then eat, and then shower. I am blessed to have sermons to listen to.


2012/03/12 20:50 Monday

Faith the cat is slowly but surely adapting. She has been coming out from under the bed more often. Also, I have the door to my bedroom open, and she ventured out for a moment before scurrying back into the bedroom.

Rode 25 miles on the trainer. The trainer is in the spare bedroom, and now that I will be leaving the bedroom door open and giving Faith the run of the apartment, I will be leaving the spare bedroom door closed when I ride. Wouldn't want her getting her nose or tail caught in the spokes or anything else. Averaged only 14.0 mph on the ride today. Didn't feel like riding any faster than that. I might be coming down with something. My neck felt kind of stiff while I was riding.

My body is being beaten up by having hot flashes and chills. I go back and forth between the one and the other. I have been keeping my apartment at about 70 degrees, and I stay bundled up. I sleep in full sweats and thick wool socks, and for covers I have flannel sheets, two blankets, and a down comforter. Even then, at times I am cold. I have a follow-up appointment with the doctor on March 20th, and will discuss that problem with him.

Listened to a couple of sermons while riding this evening. I decided to ride the trainer because I wasn't sure what gear I would have had to wear if I had ridden outdoors. It was 59 degrees on my balcony when I arrived home, but accuweather was predicting that the temperature would drop rapidly during the time I would be riding. When I decided to stay indoors, it occurred to me to check to see if yesterday's sermon had been posted. I was thankful to see that it had. It does me good to listen to sermons.


2012/03/11 17:35 Sunday

Despite being so tired, I went ahead and did 25 miles on the trainer. Averaged only 14.4 mph, which is slow for being on the trainer, but at least I rode. Listened to two sermons and part of another while riding. The pastor made some inspiring points. One point he raised is that here in America, we don't know what it is like to be persecuted for our faith, but there are people elsewhere who are being martyred for their faith. That strikes a chord in my soul, as I pray consistently for people who face persecution, prosecution, threats, and murder for their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I give fervent thanks that I am an American, and that we have religious and social freedoms. America goes too far with some social freedoms, such as in the case of abortion and the condoning of sinful lifestyles, but I give thanks for things such as not being oppressed even though I am female. God knows, I hate with every fiber of my being the fact that I am female, but it could be worse. I could be female and Christian in a Muslim country.

Faith the cat is still hiding out under the bed most of the time. I left the bedroom door open for a little while to see if she would venture out, but all she did was sit in the middle of the bedroom floor and peer at the open door. I also tried to get her to play by using a laser pointer, but she just wasn't ready for that. She is still very skittish.


2012/03/11 11:40 Sunday

Had my alarm clock set for 7:30am, as I was going to try to make it to the club ride today. Was so tired that I didn't drag myself out of bed until 9am, and even then I was still exhausted. By the time I got up, I had already decided to skip the club ride. It was cancelled anyway, though, due to the wind. I will ride the trainer today if I can get up the energy. I am behind on listening to sermons, and riding the trainer will give me time to listen to at least a couple of them.

Faith is adjusting to her new home and to me. She stills stays under the bed a lot, but at least when I go into the bedroom and look under the bedskirt, she comes out to be petted. It is actually good for me that she is taking time to adjust, as it also gives me time to adjust to sharing my home with a pet. I am thinking that having a pet may soften my heart at least some.


2012/03/10 19:35 Saturday

Faith has spent most of her time underneath my bed. I have her shut up in my bedroom, as the woman who helped me at the Humane Society said that sometimes when cats are taken to a new home they forget where the litter box is. She suggested that when I am not home, I put her food, water, and litter box in the bathroom and leave her in there. There were two problems with that: First, my bathroom is very small, and secondly, I would have had to catch her in order to get her in the bathroom. It just seemed as though the whole bathroom thing would be too traumatic for her, and that leaving her in the bedroom was a better solution. I'm just letting her hide out until she is comfortable with her new surroundings and with me. I'm not pushing her to come out from underneath the bed. She has come out and let me pet her a couple of times.

I realized that I was mistaken in thinking that she had been in the shelter for almost a year. It had been almost two years. She doesn't get along with other cats, so the poor thing must have been cooped up in a cage for most of that time.

I had planned on doing a club ride today. It would have been 42 miles, or 51 if I had ridden to the meeting place and back. I was just too tired, though, and had too much to do. I needed to go to Costco for cat food and litter, and to the pet store for various other pet supplies. I also had three weeks' worth of laundry to do, and didn't want to put that off until tomorrow in case I ended up being even more tired tomorrow than today.

I did ride, though. I rode 30.51 miles on my commuter bike. As usual when I ride my commuter bike, I did laps around Virginia Lake. I wanted to stay close to home in case I had to quit due to being tired. I felt a little better once I was on the bike. Averaged 14.0 mph, which was surprising given that I got stuck behind very slow-moving traffic quite a bit.


2012/03/09 18:40 Friday

Read yesterday that the Humane Society had an urgent need for cat food. Went by Costco after work and picked up a couple of 20lb bags. When I dropped them off, I saw a cat in the lobby that I really liked. I left and ran an errand, but she was on my mind the whole time. I went back and adopted her. She is a black-and-white domestic short-hair. Her name is Stitches, but I am probably going to try to rename her Faith. She had been in the shelter for almost a year.


2012/03/08 19:00 Thursday

Another day without riding.... Went to Costco after work, then came home and read the news online. Now I'm off to get ready for bed. I'm fed up with not having a life. I work and sleep, and do little else. I have a follow-up appointment with the doctor on the 20th, but I don't hold out any hope of anybody being able to cure my fatigue.


2012/03/07 18:10 Wednesday

Wasn't able to ride today either. Am just too tired. Wasn't even able to keep my eyes open all the time in the shower. I wish I hadn't registered for the Chico Velo Wildflower Century Ride. I don't think I will be able to ride 100 miles by the end of April. With the exhaustion I have been suffering, I haven't been able to train, and there is no end in sight. I might try to cancel my registration.

I'm off to finish getting ready for bed.


2012/03/06 17:30 Tuesday

Was planning on riding the trainer today and listening to some sermons while riding. Am just too tired, though. Read the news online after work, and now I'm going to get ready for bed.


2012/03/05 18:20 Monday

Started on the 7am-3:30pm shift today. Will be on that shift for the rest of the fiscal month.

Didn't ride today. Have been too tired. Stopped at Costco for gasoline after work, then uploaded yesterday's ride photos to Meet-Up and to Facebook. Read the news online after that. Will shower and then hit the sack. Am too tired to shower, but didn't shower yesterday because I was too tired, so I have to shower tonight.


2012/03/04 16:15 Sunday

Did the club ride. My mileage was very low. It was only about 27.1 miles. I'm not sure of the mileage, as I wasn't paying attention to my computer, and I realized when I was about three miles out that it wasn't registering speed or distance. I stopped and adjusted the sensor and disk, and then it started registering. The main reason my mileage was so low is that I was the leader and needed to have a clipboard for use during the signup time, so I drove to and from the starting point.

I felt okay during the ride, but I was riding very slowly for most of it. Averaged only 13.2 mph, which is incredibly slow for me on a road bike. I brought up the rear in part because I haven't been feeling well, and in part because I was the leader and we had a couple of new people who weren't very fast and who didn't know the route. I could have just let the guy who had the back surgery take care of them, but I wanted to take it easy anyway due to my having been under the weather. It is good that I was riding slowly; not long after getting home from the ride, I started feeling absolutely exhausted.

Am putting off doing the two weeks' worth of laundry that I have in the hamper. Am just too tired to even think about getting it done tonight. Looks like I will be doing three weeks' worth next week, unless I decide to take the time to do it during the week, which is unlikely to happen.

Am too tired to think. Am off to finish getting ready for bed.


2012/03/04 09:10 Sunday

Truth be told, I cannot say that I love God. I do not love anybody or anything. There is a hard edge to my soul, and nothing softens it. My heart is of stone. I loved my cat and my sister's dog, but they passed away years ago. I have loved very few men, and have never loved any women. It has been quite some time since I have experienced what has passed for love in my soul, and I am not even certain that my experiences qualified as being love.

I pray fervently for some people, and give fervent thanks for what I have, but I don't think that qualifies as loving those people or loving God.


2012/03/04 07:45 Sunday

By the way, my average speed for yesterday's ride was only 13.3 mph. Got stuck behind slow-moving traffic a lot.


2012/03/04 07:05 Sunday

Was just reading the news online, and saw an ad for the TV show GCB. I looked it up on wikipedia, and based on what I saw, it seems that the show will be derogatory toward Christians. If there were a TV show that was derogatory toward Muslims, there would be an outcry, but apparently it is acceptable to be derogatory toward Christians.


2012/03/03 17:50 Saturday

Slept over 15 hours last night. Probably would have slept longer, except my alarm clock was set because I had an appointment for a blood draw this morning.

Felt somewhat better today. Did 26.05 miles on my commuter bike. Was shooting for 30, but starting feeling worse after about 20 miles. Gave up due to a bad headache.

Am planning on doing the club ride tomorrow. It is still open as to who will be the actual ride leader. The guy who usually leads the Sunday rides but who has been out due to back surgery will be riding tomorrow, and said he would be there with a sign-up sheet just in case.

It is getting late, and I still need to shower tonight. I want to get to bed as soon as possible so that I will be able to get as much sleep as possible.


2012/03/02 16:25 Friday

Left work early. Picked up some items of clothing that I had taken in to Peerless Cleaners for repair. Read the news online. Sent an email to the ride leader coordinator asking her if someone else could lead the ride I was scheduled to lead this Sunday. I'm still not feeling well, so I'm going to hole up and sleep as much as possible this weekend. Speaking of which, I'm off to get ready for bed now.


2012/03/01 17:30 Thursday

Am still feeling under the weather. Am off to get ready for bed.


2012/02/29 17:00 Wednesday

Haven't really gotten sick, but am still having some body aches. Decided against riding today because of that. I'm going to shower and then get to bed early again.


2012/02/28 17:00 Tuesday

Didn't ride today. Might be coming down with an illness. Today, my neck has been stiff and sore, and I have had some muscle pain in my legs. Am off to get ready for bed now. Maybe I will be able to ward off an illness by getting a good night's sleep.


2012/02/27 19:00 Monday

Today is my Christian birthday. On February 27, 1999, my pastor and I dedicated my life to the Lord Jesus Christ. That seems like forever ago. Much has transpired since then.

Didn't ride today. Had a doctor's appointment, then helped a friend move. Now I need to shower and get to bed before I drop.


2012/02/26 18:00 Sunday

Did the club ride today. Rode to and from the starting place at Roy Gomm School. My total mileage was 40.58 miles. Did a few laps around Virginia Lake on the way home so that my mileage would be at least 40 miles. Averaged only 14.9 mph. My legs were tired today.

It was rather chilly during the ride. I was dressed warmly, though, and sweated some while I was riding. Due to that and to the temperature, I was cold during the regroup stops. We stopped at the gas station near Cabela's, and I left my gloves on my saddle when I went in to use the restroom. That was a mistake. They were somewhat sweaty, and the temperature made them cold. When I put the gloves back on, my hands got quite cold. We climbed a steep hill not long after that, though, and the effort required helped me get warm again. Also, when going uphill, there isn't as much of a wind chill factor due to the fact that the riding speed is slower.


2012/02/26 07:30 Sunday

It was my commuter bike that I rode yesterday, by the way. Got such a late start on the ride that I knew it would be dark long before I finished.

Am still waking up every couple of hours.


2012/02/25 19:45 Saturday

Forgot that I also went to the bank today. It was a busy day.

Was too tired to ride, so I took a nap for about an hour, then went ahead and rode. Did 30.50 miles at an average speed of 13.5 mph. It was quite windy. It was also fairly cold by the time I finished; the "real feel" was 33 degrees. I was starting to feel cold by about 22 miles, but it wasn't bad enough to make me stop before meeting my goal of 30 miles.


2012/02/25 14:20 Saturday

Have taken care of a lot of miscellaneous tasks today. E-filed my taxes, called AT&T about my bill (they were very helpful this time), bought some batteries, had the oil in my truck changed, picked up a triple espresso for tomorrow morning, dropped off some clothes for repair at the cleaners, and took my new bike in to the bike shop for some advice. Just now ate lunch, and am planning to do a ride in about 45 minutes. I'm very tired, though. Slept about ten hours last night. Probably should have stayed in bed for a couple of hours longer.


2012/02/25 09:00 Saturday

E-filed my taxes this morning. Will be getting a refund of $837. That is good news. I will put it toward my debts.


2012/02/24 20:00 Friday

Did 30.49 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.6 mph. That isn't fast, but it is faster than I thought my average would be. Got stuck behind slow-moving traffic a lot, and it was windy.

I haven't been getting enough sleep lately, and I am tired. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/02/23 18:50 Thursday

Did 26.29 miles on my commuter bike. Was only going to do 25, but I was caught up in prayer and didn't realize that I was putting in an extra lap. Averaged only 13.2 mph.

My downstairs neighbor called as I was getting ready to ride. She has a knack for doing that, and she also has a knack for making a short story long. This time I cut her off after a while and told her that I needed to get started on my ride. She proceeded to tell another story after that. I don't like story-telling. Listening to her always puts me in a bad mood. It took about ten miles before I felt better. Unfortunately, I have to deal with her again tonight, as I promised her I would order something from the catalog from the party she had.


2012/02/22 21:20 Wednesday

I'm so tired that I am having trouble functioning. When I arrived home, I gave fervent thanks that I made it without mishap.


2012/02/22 16:55 Wednesday

As noted yesterday, I won't be able to ride today. It is a nice warm day out, at least in terms of winter, and I hate it that I have to skip my ride. At least it is predicted to be fairly warm tomorrow.

I really don't want to sign up to be a ride leader, as I prefer to ride at my own pace, but ride leaders don't have that luxury. I suppose it is time to give back some to the club, though. I'm not sure why I even ended up getting involved with the club, however; I prefer to ride alone.


2012/02/21 16:05 Tuesday

Won't have time to ride today or tomorrow. Have a cycling club meeting tonight, and a cycling club ride leader meeting tomorrow night. The cycling club activities are getting in the way of my riding.


2012/02/20 20:15 Monday

Did 25.26 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.7 mph. Just put in the miles; didn't push myself. Felt good after the ride. I have started feeling good on occasion after my rides again. Haven't had that happen in a long time, but it always used to happen. Maybe my health is taking a turn for the better.

It occurred to me that the computer on my new bike might have been calibrated to the wrong tire size. The expectation would be that the tires would be 700x23, but for some reason the bike came with 700x25 tires. That could explain in part why my average speeds over the weekend were so slow. I didn't feel as though I was going all that fast, but I didn't think I had been going that slow. I have recalibrated the computer, but won't be riding that bike until the weekend.


2012/02/19 18:55 Sunday

My neighbor's brother died this morning. His heart stopped beating. It is good that he died that way, as my neighbor had thought he might die by starvation because he didn't die quickly after being taken off of life support as the doctors had expected him to. She had thought that if he did die of starvation, it would be equivalent to killing him even though there was no chance he would recover.

Did the club ride out to Verdi and back today. Rode to and from the starting point, and did a few extra laps around Virginia Lake to bring my mileage up to 40.28 miles. My average was only 14.3 mph. It was somewhat windy during the ride. There were only four people on the ride, and we were fairly well-matched in terms of ability.

Did two weeks worth of laundry after the ride. Also uploaded today's ride photos to the Procrastinating Pedalers Facebook and MeetUp pages. I ended up in some of the photos today, as a couple of people used my camera. There is a photo of me with my new bike that was taken at the top of a climb.

Now I have to shower and get to bed. I had intended to pay bills and do my taxes today, but ran out of time. I'll probably do those tasks on Tuesday before the cycling club meeting, or maybe on Wednesday before the ride leader meeting.


2012/02/18 20:05 Saturday

My downstairs neighbor's brother took a serious turn for the worse. He had been on a breathing apparatus and there was essentially no chance of recovery. My neighbor made the decision to have the breathing tube removed, and the doctors had thought that he would die quickly once that was done. However, it appears that he will linger for a time, possibly days. My neighbor is distraught, and I took pity on her. I went to Kinder's and got burgers for us, which we ate at her place in case the doctors were to call.

Picked up my new bike today. Did 30.74 miles. Just rode around Virginia Lake, for two reasons. One, I wanted to be close to home in case it snowed, and two, I wanted to get used to the different pedals on an easy ride. Averaged a ridiculously slow speed of 12.9 mph. It was fairly windy while I was riding.

I would be in bed already, but I spent a while downstairs at my neighbor's. I need to get to bed as soon as possible, as I didn't get much sleep last night. There just aren't enough hours in the day.


2012/02/17 19:55 Friday

Made it through another week at work. It was a busy week.

After work, I picked up my friend and took her to see an apartment. Then we went to my downstairs neighbor's apartment to check out the various scents of the products that are being offered at the party. I will order something within the next couple of days. After going to my neighbor's, I drove my friend back to Sparks. Went to Costco after that. Have read the news, and now I am going to get ready for bed. As usual, I am exhausted. I will be getting up fairly early tomorrow in order to have a couple of mocha coffee drinks and shower before going to pick up my new bike.


2012/02/16 20:35 Thursday

My legs felt a little tired at times at work today, but I rode this afternoon anyway. Rode my commuter bike for 25.38 miles. My average speed was only 12.9 mph. There was still some snow in places, but none of it interfered with my ride to speak of.

Won't be able to ride tomorrow, as I will be picking up a friend after work and driving her to look at an apartment. I really didn't want to skip riding, but given her work schedule, if we don't go tomorrow, we won't be able to go until Thursday. I hate it when I have to skip riding.

Will be picking up my new bike on Saturday. Might not be able to ride outdoors that day, though, as it might snow. I decided on a different style of pedal than what I have on my other bikes, so it will take some getting used to.

It is past my bedtime. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/02/15 19:10 Wednesday

There was still some snow on the side of the road by Virginia Lake when I drove by after work, so I rode the trainer this evening. Did 25 miles. Averaged only 14.5 mph, but at least I rode. Listened to a couple of sermons while riding. I am thankful that I am able to listen to sermons without having to go to a church.


2012/02/14 20:25 Tuesday

I've been thinking about the situation with my downstairs neighbor. There is no way I will go to the party, and I still don't want to have to listen to her talk at me, but I will buy something from the catalog of goods that will be for sale at the party. I owe her for driving me to and from the colonoscopy and biopsy.


2012/02/14 19:15 Tuesday

Bundled up and did 25.27 miles on my commuter bike. My average speed was a pitiful 12.9 mph, but at least I rode. It was somewhat windy on and off during the ride.

While I was getting ready to ride, my downstairs neighbor called. I went ahead and answered the phone, as she probably knew I was home and I didn't want to be rude. I was trapped, and she went on and on and on. She called because she wanted to know if I would be attending a PartyLite party she is hosting. She had sent me a postcard invitation, and I hadn't RSVP'd. Yeah, right; just what I want to do is sit around with a bunch of females. Need I report that I'm not going?

Anyway, she also told me that her brother is in a coma. I couldn't very well cut her off, but I didn't encourage her to continue talking. I put her on speakerphone and went on getting ready to ride. I don't know why people keep talking at me even when I don't respond. Maybe they think I'm not saying anything because I am enthralled and hanging on their every word, or maybe they are just so oblivious that they can't tell I just want to escape their barrage of words.

Listening to her put me in a bad mood, and it took 15 miles for me to decompress.


2012/02/13 18:40 Monday

One work day down, another four to go.

Went to see the surgeon for a routine follow-up visit after work. Went in last Monday for the followup mammogram. The surgeon said that it showed that he had gotten all the calcifications during the biopsy. That is good news.

I'm exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed now.


2012/02/12 17:10 Sunday

The ride went pretty well, although toward the end I was having to go rather slow. I was riding sweep, and one of the guys was going not very fast for the last several miles. Earlier in the ride, most of us stayed together fairly well, though. There was one woman who wasn't keeping up, and for a while I stayed with her. One of the guys told me that he would stay with her and for me to go ahead. My average was only 14.2 mph. My mileage was only 28.34 miles, as I drove to the starting place. I needed to take a clipboard for people to use when signing up for the ride.


2012/02/12 10:05 Sunday

Was in bed for over 13 hours last night. Had trouble falling asleep, and woke up every couple of hours. One problem is that I have been having hot flashes, and when that happens in bed, I wake up and have to throw the covers off for a few minutes. That adds insult to the injury of being female, or perhaps adds injury to the insult.

I have been trying to work on my posture. Slouching is normal for me. I am motivated to improve my posture mainly because doing so may increase my cycling performance. I ordered a new bike yesterday, and Randy, the owner of College Cyclery, emphasized that my posture on the bike will affect fit, comfort, and performance. They didn't have the bike I wanted in stock, and once it arrives they will have to build it and fit it to me. It will be Saturday before I will be able to ride it.


2012/02/11 17:00 Saturday

Did 30.54 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.8 mph. That isn't fast, but it felt as though I was going even slower than that.

Slept well Thursday night, but my sleep was somewhat restless last night. Woke up a few times during the night. Was in bed for about nine hours. Woke up early, but stayed in bed for about 45 minutes after first waking up.

I will be leading the club ride tomorrow. The guy who usually leads it, who is also the club president, went in for back surgery on Thursday. The doctor told him before he decided to go ahead with the surgery that he wouldn't be able to ride for about six weeks.

Because I will be leading the ride, I will have to ride slowly. The ride leader usually rides sweep in our club rides. The riders usually split up into at least two groups, depending on speed. I will designate someone who will be riding with the faster group to take responsibility in the event of a mishap, and I will stay back with the slower riders to make sure we don't drop anybody and to be with that group in case anything happens.


2012/02/10 19:40 Friday

Another work week is over, thankfully.

Did 30.52 miles on my commuter bike today. That includes a 2-mile roundtrip to the bank and back. Averaged only 13.3 mph. At least I did a ride. I give thanks for answered prayers regarding my health; the dizziness has subsided.


2012/02/09 20:15 Thursday

Was fairly tired after work, but decided to ride anyway. Figured I would rather be doing something productive instead of going to bed early and just laying there trying to sleep as I have been doing. Rode 25.32 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 14.0 mph. Was tired for the first five miles or so, but then started feeling more energetic. I'm starting to get very tired now, but I actually felt better after the ride than beforehand. I'm off to get ready for bed now.


2012/02/08 20:05 Wednesday

Laid in bed for about an hour and a half trying to sleep. No wonder I'm tired, given that I haven't been sleeping well. I've started using FRS again, and am hoping that it will help me sleep better after I've been using it for a while. I started having sleep problems again after I stopped using it.


2012/02/08 17:05 Wednesday

Skipped riding yesterday, and again today. Am just too tired.

Signed up for the Chico Velo Wildflower Century this afternoon. It is put on by the Chico Velo bicycle club in Chico, CA. A "century" is a 100-mile ride. It will take place on April 29th. I hope I will be feeling better by then.


2012/02/07 15:45 Tuesday

The computer crisis is over. I removed the TV tuner card, and the system now boots just fine with the most recent kernel.

I haven't decided whether or not to ride today. I should probably just go to bed early.


2012/02/06 18:30 Monday

I am so exhausted that I feel as though I am about to pass out. Was planning on going to bed early, but I am having a major problem with my linux box. It is functional at this point, but I will have to work on it within the next couple of days. For now, though, I am leaving it as is. I need to collapse into bed. I haven't been sleeping well. I hope I sleep better tonight.


2012/02/05 18:35 Sunday

Did today's club ride. As usual on Sundays, we went out to Verdi, rode around a little, and then headed back. My total mileage was 36.22, my max was only 31.6, and my average speed was 15.3 mph.

Had another issue with AT&T today, and as usual it took forever to get it resolved.

Am tired, but haven't been too dizzy lately. Maybe I had an inner ear infection or something that has finally gone away.

I need to shower and get to bed. Morning will come too early for me.


2012/02/04 Saturday

Did the club ride. I also rode to and from the starting point at Roy Gomm School. My total mileage was 45.51, my max speed was 38.2, and my average was 13.8 mph. We rode quite slowly during an early part of the ride, as we rode the bike path starting from downtown Reno and on into Sparks.

Went to Costco after the ride. It was packed, but I was able to get in and out fairly quickly. After tomorrow's ride, I will need to do laundry. There just isn't enough time on the weekends.


2012/02/03 20:00 Friday

Went bike shopping after work. My road bike really doesn't fit me well, and I am planning on buying a new one. The owner of College Cyclery spent a lot of time with me working on figuring out what size bike I would need, and what components would need to be swapped out to make a bike fit as well as possible. Due to the size of my various body parts, I would need a custom bike for a really good fit, but that would be out of my price range.

I am planning on doing club rides tomorrow and Sunday. Somehow, too, I need to find time to do three weeks' worth of laundry. Hopefully when I go to the laundry room, there will be plenty of machines available. I will likely need six machines.

I'm exhausted. I need to get to bed as soon as possible. It is past my bedtime.


2012/02/02 19:30 Thursday

Did 25 miles on the trainer. Was getting a late start on the workout, and didn't feel like taking the time to bundle up. Also, I wanted to listen to a couple of sermons. I had some trouble concentrating due to fatigue, and was slightly dizzy at times. The ride seemed to take forever.

I'm tired.... Am off to get ready for bed now.


2012/02/01 19:05 Wednesday

Got bull-headed and decided to ride today. Did 25.29 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 14.0 mph. Strangely, it seems that I do better on the bike than I do walking. I didn't lose my balance on the bike, but I am still losing my balance while walking. I am thankful to have been able to ride.

I'm off to shower. It is already my bedtime, but I do need to shower tonight.


2012/01/31 17:05 Tuesday

Another day down the tubes. Just can't get much of anything done after work, as I start feeling quite dizzy by 4pm. I'm off to get ready for bed now.


2012/01/30 17:45 Monday

Managed to stay upright in the shower.


2012/01/30 16:45 Monday

Am exhausted and dizzy. Just want to go to bed, but I really should shower tonight. I hope I don't lose my balance and fall in the shower.


2012/01/29 19:10 Sunday

Can't sleep. Am exhausted, but have been laying in bed trying unsuccessfully to fall asleep. Haven't even been half-asleep. When I started using FRS, I started sleeping better. Now that I have stopped using it, I've been having trouble sleeping again. I'm still losing my balance, too. The last time I had any FRS was Thursday evening. I'll go ahead and give it a week of not using any to see if the dizziness goes away, but I don't think it was causing the dizziness.


2012/01/29 17:05 Sunday

Did the club ride. My mileage was 40.90, my average speed was 14.7 mph, and my max was 33.2 mph. We did some more climbing than usual today instead of just going to Verdi, up to Belli Ranch, and back. We rode up to Somersett and around that development before going to Verdi. I posted photos of the participants on the Procrastinating Pedalers Facebook page. The ride leader took the group shot using my camera, so I was in that photo.

Didn't sleep well last night. Woke up a couple of times and didn't fall back asleep right away. I should have done laundry after the ride, but was way too tired. I need to get ready for bed now.


2012/01/28 17:15 Saturday

My mileage for the ride was 34.37. The ride was a slow one. Averaged only 13.4 mph. The group all stayed together, which was unusual. My max speed was 37.5, which was surprising. I didn't think I had ever gotten up that much speed. I guess it was on the downhill after leaving the Galena Market. Some of us had lunch at Braido's at Lakeside and Ridgeview after the ride. They have very good sandwiches.

I was concerned that I might have trouble riding due to the dizziness, but I did fine. I had a little dizziness this morning, but it wasn't bad enough to keep me from going on the ride. I've been starting to lose my balance again this evening. I'll be going to bed soon. Sleep helps.

I'm planning on doing the club ride tomorrow. It doesn't start until noon.


2012/01/28 07:55 Saturday

Slept about 11 1/2 hours last night. Woke up with a headache. A couple of Tylenol reduced the pain to only somewhat noticeable for a time, but it is getting worse again.

I am wondering if the dizziness is being caused by a drug interaction. About six weeks ago, I started using a product called FRS, and about three weeks after that, the dizziness started getting worse. I would think that the dizziness would have started sooner than that if the FRS were the issue, though.

FRS has an antioxidant called quercetin, which is claimed to provide energy. Research on the Internet reveals that the side effects of some drugs are increased when taking quercetin. Dizziness and weight gain are two side effects of Zyprexa, which is a medication I take. In addition to the dizziness, I have put on some weight in the last three weeks or so. That might be due to my not having been able to ride during the week, though.

I will stop using FRS for a week or so and see if the dizziness subsides.

There is a club ride today that I am planning on doing. It will be about 31 miles, plus the five-or-so miles round-trip that I will ride to and from the starting point, which is at Lakeside and Ridgeview. We will ride to the Galena Market and around south of town.


2012/01/27 16:30 Friday

Bit the bullet and called Jolly back. She just wanted to talk. She asked about my health. I told her that it is not good. Of course, she asked me to call her sometime and go to lunch. I said, "okay," but I was lying through my teeth.


2012/01/27 16:20 Friday

Yesterday was Jolly's birthday. I sent her a card with a gift certificate to Sundance Books. She called yesterday, but I didn't pick up the phone and she didn't leave a message. She called back today and left a message. I was just getting back in from checking the mail, and caught the tail end of the message. She said that she wanted to talk to me about something. I dread calling her.


2012/01/26 17:10 Thursday

I don't know what to do about my health. I really don't want to go back to the doctor whom I have been going to, as it seems that I have been wasting money on him. His staff is rather incompetent, and he doesn't seem to have the slightest idea what is wrong with me. I don't know what doctor to go to, though. Maybe I'll call the office of the surgeon who did my biopsy and ask for a recommendation. I have to do something, and I have to do it soon. The dizziness has been hitting earlier and earlier in the day.

I searched rgj.com again for an obituary for the previous doctor I had been going to, and this time I found it.

I need to get to bed.


2012/01/25 16:45 Wednesday

Really wanted to ride today, but it just wasn't possible. Tried to listen to a sermon, but gave up. I'm just too tired and dizzy. I need to get to bed as soon as possible.

The doctor I had been going to before the current one still appears in my insurance company listings, so I thought the current doctor was wrong about the previous doctor having died. Also, I had searched the rgj.com obituaries and hadn't been able to find one for him. I called today to see about getting an appointment, and it turns out that he did die.

I don't know what to do about my health and the fact that my current doctor doesn't have a clue as to what is wrong with me. That fact, and the incompetence of his staff, makes me strongly inclined to seek out a different doctor.

I'm off to bed before I pass out.


2012/01/24 15:45 Tuesday

Thought about riding today, but it is a good thing I didn't. Within the last 45 minutes, I have been increasingly dizzy. I'm off to shower and then get to bed. I plan to be in bed by 5pm again today.


2012/01/23 16:30 Monday

After work, I picked up the contact lenses I had ordered after my annual eye exam, and then went to Costco. Came home and read the news online. Now I'm going to get ready for bed. I'm planning on being in bed by 5pm.


2012/01/22 15:45 Sunday

I'm so exhausted that I just want to go to bed. However, I have an errand to run, and then I have to pay my bills. I also have to shower. I'm fed up with being exhausted.


2012/01/22 15:25 Sunday

Psychologically, I didn't feel up to riding today, and physically, I was having occasional minor dizziness. Went ahead and rode anyway, though. Did 30.45 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.6 mph.

Something has occurred to me about my new apartment. The living room windows overlook a grassy common area. That could make my life even more miserable when warm weather comes along than it is now. Children are not supposed to play on the grassy areas, in order to protect the areas, but I doubt that anyone follows that rule. I really despise children and everything about them, and if I have to listen to their obnoxious noise this summer when my windows are open, I will hate life even more than I do now.


2012/01/22 10:45 Sunday

Slept about 12 1/2 hours last night. As usual, my last thoughts before falling asleep and my first thoughts upon waking up were that I want my life to be over.

The club ride scheduled for today was cancelled due to the forecast for high winds and precipitation. I'm planning on getting on my commuter bike soon. I'll shoot for 30 miles, but will quit early if it starts snowing too hard.


2012/01/21 18:30 Saturday

Slept a little over 12 hours last night. Woke up after about six hours, though, and had some trouble getting back to sleep.

Bundled up and rode 30.53 miles on my commuter bike after the ordeal with the cigarette smoke. Averaged only 13.3 mph. At least I rode, though. I gave thanks for being able to ride.

When I had eight or so laps left, there was an RPD car with its lights on by the side of the road. The officer was talking to a woman who was in a Suburban. For the next couple of laps, nothing seemed to be happening, but both were still there. The officer had gone back to his car. On the next lap, the officer was talking to her again and she was holding what looked like a ticket. The next time around, she was out of the vehicle and handcuffed, and the officer was literally dragging her toward his car and telling her to stand up and walk. Two more officers were on the scene before much longer. The three officers were still there by the time I finished my ride. I don't have the foggiest notion what was happening. I'm curious, but I doubt that it will make the news, unless she appears in the mug shots on rgj.com. It doesn't matter anyway.


2012/01/21 13:05 Saturday

Had to put up with not being able to breathe due to cigarette smoke today. My friend who just got out of prison is essentially living with a woman in a very small one-room apartment, and I went to visit today. When I got there, my friend was smoking a cigarette. She greeted me with, "Warning; I started smoking again." She didn't ask if I would mind if she smoked. She just went ahead and continued to smoke. Worse, after a while, she lit up another one, and when her girlfriend got back from the laundry room, she lit up one too. I couldn't breathe. I would have left, but before going over there, I had committed to giving my friend a ride to work. Then, after another while, my friend pulled out another cigarette. I told her I was going to go outdoors because I couldn't breathe, but that didn't stop her. She just opened a window, which didn't help, because the breeze just blew the smoke at me. I should have just left. In any case, I won't be going back to visit them. I won't have to deal with their smoke if I just talk with her on the phone.


2012/01/20 16:55 Friday

Another day has gone by without my having been able to ride. It isn't even 5pm, but I need to get ready for bed. The exhaustion and dizziness are too much for me to deal with.


2012/01/19 18:00 Thursday

The fire is terrible. With the winds the way they are, it doesn't look like it will be contained any time soon.

Didn't have time to listen to the sermon today. Had my hair cut after work, and then went for the blood draw.

I'm feeling a little better about life now, although I still want to die. I spoke with my boss's boss on the phone yesterday, and he said that there is no way they would just fire a person without taking steps to remediate whatever problems they might see. It seems that it isn't foreseeable that I would be fired.


2012/01/18 18:00 Wednesday

The doctor said for me to get the thyroid labwork done tomorrow instead of waiting until the 26th. He thinks the fatigue may be caused by low thyroid levels. He didn't think the dizziness has been caused by the fatigue, but I told him I thought it might be, as the dizziness doesn't hit until early-to-mid afternoon.

Don't have time to listen to the sermon. Read the news online after leaving the doctor's office, and now I need to get to bed ASAP.


2012/01/18 14:30 Wednesday

It seems that most of the staff at my doctor's office are incompetent. I just went to the office, and was told that my appointment was yesterday. I am absolutely certain that is not the case, as I would have noted when making the appointment that it would have been the same day as the cycling club meeting. They told me that they could get me in at 3:15 today, so I will go back. I am seriously considering going to a different doctor, in part because of the incompetence of the staff, and in part because the doctor hasn't been able to determine what is wrong with me.


2012/01/17 20:00 Tuesday

Shouldn't have gone to the club meeting. My head was spinning intermittently by 6:15 even though I was just sitting. It would be nice if the doctor were to be able to figure out what is wrong with me. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/01/17 16:50 Tuesday

I can't even imagine what it would be like not to hate life, much less to be thankful to be alive. I have wanted to die for as long as I can remember.

Don't have time to listen to the sermon before the club meeting. I'll probably listen to it after the doctor's appointment tomorrow.

I despise "The Message." It isn't a translation, and isn't even a true paraphrase. It is a dumbed-down, egregious bastardization of God's Word. Not that anyone cares what I think....


2012/01/17 15:30 Tuesday

Went to bed at 5:30pm yesterday evening. Didn't ride, because there was ice on the street in areas around Virginia Lake, and I didn't want to ride the trainer. Didn't think I could face an hour and forty-five minutes alone with my thoughts without distraction. Am not riding again today, as there is a cycling club meeting this evening that I will be attending. Won't be able to ride tomorrow, either, as I have a doctor's appointment. On Thursday, I am getting a haircut. I hate it when I can't ride.

Am going to shower now, and if I have time before the meeting, will listen to a sermon.

Am not feeling much better about life today. Still just want it to be over.


2012/01/16 15:40 Monday

I'm a pitiful excuse for a human being. More than anything else, I want my life to be over, but I am too afraid to try to kill myself. I read on the Internet about suicide, but I fear that I would botch any attempt I might make. I beg and plead with God almost non-stop for deliverance from this life, but he hasn't yet had mercy on me.


2012/01/16 14:50 Monday

I'm about to give up on my job and on life in general.


2012/01/15 13:55 Sunday

Did 30.46 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.9 mph. Before the ride, I finally calibrated my bike computer to the size of the tires I put on some time ago. The wind wasn't all that bad, and still isn't. We probably could have done the club ride without all that much difficulty, although the wind might be worse in Verdi than in Reno.


2012/01/15 09:15 Sunday

The club ride scheduled for today has been cancelled due to the high wind advisory. I haven't decided whether to ride laps around Virginia Lake or to ride the trainer. There isn't much wind yet where I live, so I might go ahead and get on a bike soon.


2012/01/15 08:00 Sunday

Slept only about nine hours last night. Woke up a couple of times during the night. When I woke up at 5:30am, I wasn't able to get back to sleep. Laid in bed half-asleep until about 7am, though.

The Broncos game was awful. I didn't watch the whole game. Went to bed at about the time the fourth quarter was starting. It was already past my bedtime, and there was no way the Broncos would be able to pull off a win. The offensive line and the defense were incredibly porous.

Don't know yet whether or not there will be a club ride today. Yesterday evening, I emailed the guy who leads the Sunday rides, and he said he would make a decision by 10 o'clock this morning. So far, there isn't any wind where I live. I'm guessing that the ride will take place.


2012/01/14 17:35 Saturday

Had a scare when I checked my mail this afternoon. There was an envelope with a return address of the U.S. Department of Justice. All I could think when I saw that was, "What now, Lord?" I checked the mail at the end of my ride, on my way back to my apartment, so I just put the envelope in my rack bag and rode the rest of the way around the complex. I couldn't imagine what it was about, but I tried to prepare myself for yet another disaster.

Thankfully, I'm not in any more trouble. The letter is about the woman from whom I ordered a suicide kit. There is a victim impact statement for me to fill out. To me, though, I am a victim of the government who prevented me from getting a kit, not the woman who sold the kits. She ended up pleading guilty to failing to file a tax return.


2012/01/14 17:00 Saturday

Got in 30.76 miles on my commuter bike today. Averaged only 13.2 mph, but I was taking it easy. I'm thankful I was even able to get on a bike. I don't know if I will do the club ride tomorrow; AccuWeather is predicting gusts of up to 50mph.

Slept not quite 12 hours last night. Was in bed by 4pm, but had trouble falling asleep because I was very cold and couldn't get warm.

Hooked up an antenna to my TV in order to watch Tim Tebow and the Broncos play. I'm not sure if it is appropriate to pray about a football game, but I have been praying anyway that Tebow will lead his team to a win.


2012/01/13 15:35 Friday

The dizziness hasn't gone away. I made an appointment today to see the doctor next Wednesday. I plan on being in bed no later than 4:30pm today, and will sleep until I wake up tomorrow morning.


2012/01/12 16:00 Thursday

Am skipping my workout yet again today due to dizziness. I suppose I'll go back to the doctor one of these days, but I doubt that it would do any good.

I'm going to shower and go to bed. I am shooting for being in bed by 5pm again today.


2012/01/11 16:45 Wednesday

Made it through another day without being fired. Will probably not be fired for at least another week, if at all, as the manager is out of the office due to a family emergency until next Thursday.

Skipped riding again today. Am just too dizzy. Will go to bed by 5pm and see if more rest helps.


2012/01/10 16:15 Tuesday

Overheard something at work today that makes me think I might be about to lose my job. I wouldn't be able to handle another disaster like that. I just want to give up on life as it is; losing my job would be the last straw. I do a good job at work, but I never learned how to deal with office politics. That has left me blind-sided in the past. This time, I see the writing on the wall.

Didn't ride today. Am tired, mentally and physically, and don't feel up to pushing past the fatigue. I'm going to shower and go to bed.


2012/01/09 18:05 Monday

Didn't ride today. Had my annual eye exam after work, and then ran errands. Went to Lowe's for gorilla tape and then to Costco. Picked up the gorilla tape to fix a pair of cycling shoe covers. On Saturday's ride, one of the shoe covers got caught on the derailleur or in the chain; I'm not sure which. It tore, and one of the guys on the ride suggested using gorilla tape on it. I haven't taped it yet.

I'm tired. I need to make a quick phone call, and then get to bed as soon as possible.


2012/01/08 18:50 Sunday

I am thankful that Tim Tebow and the Denver Broncos won today. I wouldn't care anything about football if it weren't for him. The only thing I do care about football is wanting him to perform well and win because he uses the platform that God gave him to further the kingdom of Christ.

Went on the club ride today. My total mileage was 41.95 at an average speed of 15.5 mph. That includes walking the bike some at the rest stop, and before and after the ride. Walking really drags down the average. I would like to get a computer that pauses the average speed calculation below a certain speed, but those are rather pricey, and I have been spending too much money lately.

I'm too slow for the fast group, but too fast for the slow group. I rode with the fast group for most of the way out to Verdi, but they dropped me on the hills. I rode by myself after they dropped me the second time, but I did meet up with the slow group on the way back and stopped at a rest stop with them. I also went to Franz's Backstube with some of the group after the ride.

Morning will come early. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2012/01/07 20:30 Saturday

Almost forgot to post something tonight. Wouldn't want to worry anyone by skipping a day.

The ride went well, except for one short section that had me wanting to walk the bike. It was very windy, and at one point we crossed a bridge that left us completely exposed to a cross-wind. We had to compensate for the wind, but at times it would let up, which left us overcompensating.

We rode from Beale's Point near Folsom to Sacramento and back. The total distance was 45.36 miles. The average speed was very slow; it was only 13.1 mph.

I'm very exhausted. Didn't get enough sleep last night. I will likely go on tomorrow's club ride also, but thankfully it doesn't start until noon.


2012/01/06 17:05 Friday

Didn't have the time or the energy to ride today. My mind wanted to ride, but my body wasn't able to. I will be doing a club ride of 45 miles tomorrow, and I want to get to bed soon so that I will be somewhat rested up for the ride. I had planned to shower tonight, but am way too exhausted. I'll have to get up early enough in the morning to shower. The ride is near Folsom, California, and we are meeting at 6:45am in Reno to carpool.

I'm off to get ready for bed before I drop. I am dizzy. I hope I feel up to riding tomorrow.


2012/01/05 18:50 Thursday

It worries me when the senior pastor doesn't preach the sermon on Sundays, as I am concerned about his health but I am not privy to information about it.

Had a decent ride on my commuter bike today. Averaged a slow 13.1 mph for the 25.87 miles, but at least I didn't feel as though I was struggling. I just felt like riding at a leisurely pace. I wasn't sure about riding today, as I have still been experiencing some dizziness. However, I decided to go ahead and ride anyway. I'm glad I did.

I'm tired of fighting the battles of life.


2012/01/04 17:15 Wednesday

Am not riding today. Have had problems with dizziness and fatigue and with my legs feeling somewhat uncoordinated today. I would ignore the way my legs feel and ride anyway, but the dizziness and fatigue are too problematic for me to ride. I'm going to shower and go to bed.

later...

I was planning on being in bed by 5:30pm, but the friend who was recently released from prison called. She called to tell me that she found a job. That was good news to hear.

I'm going to skip showering tonight. I'm exhausted, and am concerned that I might lose my balance and fall in the shower.


2012/01/03 19:25 Tuesday

Did 25 miles on the trainer today at a slow average speed of 14.4 mph. It was a beautiful day, and I had planned to ride outdoors, but new sermons were posted and I wanted to listen to them. For safety reasons, I don't wear headphones while riding outdoors, so I rode the trainer instead.

I'm on the 5am-1:30pm shift this month. The other two techs and I are going to rotate monthly starting now instead of weekly. It is past my bedtime, and I'm getting quite dizzy. Almost fell over in the shower. I'd better finish getting ready for bed now.


2012/01/02 17:25 Monday

Did the club ride today. My mileage was 29.64 miles at an average speed of only 14.1 mph. I didn't know the route, so I stayed with the group. We started and ended basically at Lakeside and Ridgeview, and three of us had lunch at a deli/sandwich shop up there named Braido's after the ride. The food is really good there.

We almost got hit by a motor home on Holcomb. It came so close to us that one of the guys who was riding behind me said that it looked as though it did hit my arm. Unfortunately, none of us got the license plate.

It worries me when sermons aren't posted soon after they are preached, given that the pastor has serious medical problems at times. I pray fervently every day that his medical problems will go into remission and will stay in remission.


2012/01/02 07:05 Monday

Slept about 10 hours last night. Didn't sleep at all soundly.

There is another club ride today. The ride will start at Lakeside and Ridgeview. It will go out to the Arrow Creek area, and then to the Steamboat area. The distance will be about 25 miles, but I will be adding on a few miles, as I will ride to where the ride starts and then back home again.


2012/01/01 18:10 Sunday

Made it to the club ride. When I first dragged myself out of bed this morning, I didn't think I was going to feel up to riding. My head felt heavy and was spinning. I felt better after a while, though.

The ride went well. We start from Roy Gomm School on the Sunday rides and then go out to Verdi. We ride in the Verdi area for a while and then head back. I ride over to the school and back instead of putting my bike in my truck and driving. Also, today, I rode downtown and did some sightseeing with a couple of people after the ride. One of the people was a woman who moved here with her husband two months ago, and the other one was a guy who is very active in bicycling advocacy here in Reno. He wanted to show her around. No one else wanted to go, but I decided to tag along to get in a few extra miles.

My total mileage was 39.02, and my average speed was 15.4 mph. That isn't too bad, given that at times I slowed down to ride with others, and that when we were riding around downtown, we were going fairly slow. For most of the ride, though, I was hammering it. I got way behind the faster group because at one of the stops I went in to use the restroom, but I was able to catch them and pass them eventually.

After the ride, most of us went to Walden's coffee shop for socializing. Franz' Backstube is the normal post-ride meeting place, but it was closed today. I didn't mind the socializing.

I registered for the America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride this morning. This year, it will be on June 3rd.

I'm not feeling very well right now. I have a headache. I'm going to go to bed before too long. Tomorrow is a holiday from work, thankfully, so I won't have to get up early.


2012/01/01 10:00 Sunday

Happy New Year! May your 2012 be blessed.

Had a rough time of it last night. Went to bed at about 6:45pm, but just laid there half awake until about 10pm. Drifted off all the way once during that time, but I don't think I was asleep all that long. At midnight, the fireworks woke me, and at about 4am, someone drove through the parking lot with their stereo blaring, which woke me again.

Am going to try to make it to the club ride today. It starts at noon. I have to finish eating and then jump into the shower beforehand.


2011/12/31 18:05 Saturday

Did somewhere around 31 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.6 mph. I'm not sure exactly how long the ride was, as I forgot to reset my computer until I had gone a ways down the street. I rode laps on my commuter bike instead of taking my road bike out, as I am still not feeling well and wanted to be close to home in case I needed to bail on the ride. Have felt somewhat woozy today.

Have been awake for fewer than 11 hours, but am tired. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2011/12/31 07:40 Saturday

Slept over 13 hours last night. Based on what occurred when I started taking the Synthroid, I had hoped that it would be the solution to my problems with fatigue and with sleeping so much. Now, though, I am giving up hope. I guess what I thought was the result of taking the Synthroid was just a coincidence.


2011/12/30 17:25 Friday

Never did start feeling up to riding today. I'm not feeling quite as queasy as I did earlier, but I'm still somewhat dizzy and am exhausted. I'm off to get ready for bed now.


2011/12/30 15:55 Friday

Don't think I'll be able to ride today. Am feeling queasy.


2011/12/29 19:05 Thursday

Did 25 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15.5 mph. Almost went ahead and rode outdoors, but decided against it in part because I didn't want to bother to get bundled up, and in part because I have been having slight dizzy spells.

I am still praying fervently for my life to be over, but I feel a little better after having done a workout.


2011/12/29 16:25 Thursday

Life goes on, much to my dismay.

My legs don't feel as wooden as they have the last couple of days, but they still feel a little strange at times. Haven't had any issues with drooping eyelids.

Am going to get ready for a ride soon. I need to make up my mind as to whether to ride outdoors or to hole up in my apartment and ride the trainer. I'm leaning toward the latter. I don't really want to be out in public.


2011/12/28 18:45 Wednesday

Did 25 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.8 mph. Started out slowly, but picked up the pace after a time. Rode the trainer because I am so fed up with being around people that I couldn't stand the thought of being out in public. Merely seeing people any more than I absolutely have to is more than I can take.


2011/12/28 15:15 Wednesday

The Bible says to pray without ceasing. I come fairly close to that. I pray almost nonstop that my life will be over. I hate life more and more, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute.

My legs don't feel quite as uncoordinated today as they did yesterday. Had a little bit of drooping in my right eyelid before bed last night.

Went to bed at 5:30pm last night. Had trouble falling asleep, though.


2011/12/27 16:45 Tuesday

Am not going to ride today. My legs have felt strange all day long. They aren't sore, and aren't exactly weak, but they just don't feel right. My lower body feels clumsy. I don't know how else to describe the feeling.

Also, I am tired. Am planning to go to bed no later than 5:30pm.

Haven't had any eyelid drooping today.


2011/12/26 20:00 Monday

Have been praying a lot about heaven lately. As always when I pray about heaven, I confess that I don't know how heaven could be anything other than hell for me. I cannot bear the thought of being female for all eternity, nor can I bear the thought of having to interact with the multitudes for all eternity. Perhaps I wouldn't have to interact with the multitudes, though. I just don't know. Anyway, I'm back to praying for absolute and eternal oblivion.


2011/12/26 18:35 Monday

Did 30.75 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.8 mph. Was pressed for time, as I got a late start on the ride and had to meet my friend at 4pm.

I'm exhausted, and was planning on getting ready for bed right away, but it just occurred to me that I need to shower tonight.

Starting last night, my right eyelid has been drooping occasionally. As fatigue and drooping eyelids are symptoms of myasthenia gravis, that concerns me. I pray that I do not have that terrible disease.


2011/12/26 Monday

Slept 12 hours last night.

Have just enough milk for a second dark cherry mocha this morning. Will go to Costco after having my coffee. Shopping is a pain in the neck.

Am planning on doing 30 miles on my commuter bike today. My lobster cycling gloves are finally completely dry from when I washed them on Saturday morning. (Lobster gloves have two fingers in one slot and the other two fingers in another slot.) I had put them in the dryer on low, as the laundering instructions say to do, but they didn't get all the way dry. They were in with other cycling gear. I should have put more money in the dryer and left the gloves in longer, but I didn't want to take the extra time.


2011/12/25 18:30 Sunday

Slept 11 hours last night, and then after being awake for a little over 2 hours, went back to bed for not quite an hour. Would have stayed in bed longer, but really wanted to do a ride before going to an early dinner at a friend's house. As it was, I didn't have time to ride outdoors. It would have taken too long to get bundled up for the ride and then unbundled afterward. I settled for 25 miles on the trainer. I was running late getting to my friend's house even so. Averaged 15.3 mph. My legs were somewhat sore during the ride, but I wanted to keep up the pace so I wouldn't be too late.

The holidays are hard on some people because they are lonely. The holidays are very hard on me because I do not get enough time alone.

I have tomorrow off from work, thankfully. Unfortunately, I will be meeting a friend from work for an early dinner. I just want to be alone.


2011/12/25 10:45 Sunday

Wishing you and yours a blessed and merry Christmas.


2011/12/24 21:20 Saturday

Did 30.89 miles of laps around Virginia Lake on my commuter bike before going over to my sister's house for dinner. Averaged only 13.0 mph.

I am exhausted. I would have left my sister's house earlier, but we were watching the UNR-Southern Miss game and I wanted to see how it ended.

I'm off to get ready for bed.


2011/12/24 13:05 Saturday

The Broncos are going to lose again. That breaks my heart. I want Tim Tebow to do well, as he is such a devout Christian and an excellent role model.


2011/12/24 08:25 Saturday

Slept a little over nine hours last night. That's not too bad. At least it's better than sleeping 12-14 hours.

Am in the process of doing laundry. I have seven loads in the wash.

Am planning on doing a ride at about noon. Will shoot for 30 miles.


2011/12/23 19:55 Friday

It was good to get back on a bike outdoors. I rode my commuter bike around Virginia Lake. It was cold, but I was bundled up. The temperature was 37 when I started, and 30 when I finished. It seems to take forever to get dressed to ride in this weather. It also seems to take forever to get undressed from a ride and to get all the sweaty gear hung up to dry.

I had planned to do 30 miles, but did only 22.82. The battery for the headlights I have on my handlebars died at about 21 miles. I hadn't charged it since after the last time I used it, which was quite a while ago, and I guess it drains relatively fast when not in use. Either that, or I forgot to charge it after the last time I used it.

Besides the headlights on my handlebars, I have a headlight mounted on a helmet. I rode for one lap using just that headlight, but it is mounted in a position that aims it almost right in front of the front tire, and that doesn't help all that much when it is the only light.

My average speed for the ride was a pitifully slow 12.3 mph. One reason it was so slow was that I stopped for one of the stop signs for much of the ride. There were a couple of police cars parked not too far from the stop sign for quite a while, and I didn't want to risk having a police officer see me run a stop sign.

I'm feeling better today than I did the last couple of days. I felt a little dizzy at times at work, and since finishing the ride, I have had a couple of dizzy spells, but the dizziness has eased up overall. I am thankful for that.

It is past my bedtime. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2011/12/23 15:05 Friday

Finally got my wireless network situation resolved. I had ordered a second new adapter, and it arrived today. I installed it and ran a ping test of 100 packets. It dropped two of them. I then pulled out a different wireless router that I have, and configured it. Both the new adapter and that router are wireless-N, while the other router is wireless-G, so I thought perhaps using the wireless-N devices together would result in better compatibility. That worked. I have run a few ping tests of 100 packets each, and there haven't been any dropped.

My sister who lives in Reno called today and left voicemail. She invited me to have Christmas dinner with the family tomorrow evening. I have called her back and accepted.

I'm going to get ready to ride now.


2011/12/22 19:05 Thursday

Managed to stay upright in the shower.

Worked on the wireless problem some more, with no success. Turning off power management did help some, but there is still packet loss.

It was stupid of me not to go to bed right after showering. I am getting very dizzy. I really need to go to bed now.


2011/12/22 17:05 Thursday

Didn't ride today. The dizziness is getting worse, and I didn't think it would be safe to ride.

Went to get gasoline at Costco after work. The gas station was packed, and there was someone ahead of me in line who was excruciatingly slow when putting gas in his tank. I don't have much patience.

I recently bought a new wireless adapter for my linux box, as the one I was using was dropping the connection at times. The new one was even worse; it was dropping packets constantly. There is a command named "ping" that sends packets to a destination, whereupon on receipt they are echoed back. That is how I knew it was dropping packets. I did some research on Google, and finally determined that it was a problem with power management. That doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but when I disabled power management on the wireless adapter, it stopped dropping packets. I tested that a few times to ensure that it wasn't a fluke.

I am exhausted, but I still need to shower. I'm concerned that I will lose my balance and fall in the shower, but I'm just going to have to be careful. I didn't shower last night, so not showering is not an option. I will go to bed right after showering.

Oh, great. I just did some more ping checks due to noticeable network latency, and the adapter is dropping packets again. Back to the drawing board. I wonder if the network manager is overriding the operating system setting I put in place.


2011/12/21 20:10 Wednesday

Have had some problems with dizziness today, but did 25 miles on the trainer anyway. Averaged only 14.5 mph. Lakeside Drive by Virginia Lake is open again, and I had planned to ride outdoors, but decided to ride the trainer instead so that I could listen to a couple of sermons while riding.

Monday, when I saw that the associate pastor had given the sermon on December 11th, I was concerned that the senior pastor might have been suffering from acute health problems again. That assessment was correct. For quite some time, I have been praying fervently regarding the senior pastor's health, and will continue to do so.

It is past my bedtime, and the dizziness is getting worse, so I had better get into bed as soon as possible.


2011/12/20 17:30 Tuesday

Am not going to get a ride in today. Ran an errand after work, then read the news online. Still had time for a ride after that, but decided to contact AT&T first about the poor voice quality of u-verse since I moved. I didn't think it would take all that long, but I spent about an hour-and-a-half in online chat sessions while they tried to resolve the problem. They did remote work on the voice aspect of the line, and then for quite some time they couldn't get the voice line to come back up. They finally got it back up, and the voice quality is now better than it was. Unfortunately, I am now too tired to ride, and I still have to shower. I wish I could just go to bed now.


2011/12/19 19:20 Monday

Had trouble falling asleep last night. It was after 9:30pm before I finally drifted off. When I awoke this morning, I didn't think I would be able to ride today due to fatigue. However, I managed to do 25 miles on the trainer. My average speed was 14.7 mph. Listened again to the sermons from November 27th and December 4th. Two new sermons have been posted, but they were posted after the last time I checked for new sermons before the ride. If I ride tomorrow, I will be riding the trainer again, as the sign on Lakeside now says that the road will be blocked off on 12/20. Listening to the sermons helped improve my outlook. I am fading fast, so I had better get ready for bed. 3:45am will come sooner than I would like.


2011/12/18 19:00 Sunday

I've been awake for only 9.5 hours, and I am absolutely exhausted. It is extremely discouraging to have to sleep so much.


2011/12/18 18:10 Sunday

Slept over 12 hours last night. Had coffee and read the news, then paid bills. My financial situation seems like a lost cause.

Didn't have time to do a ride today. After paying bills, I showered and then went to give a friend some over-the-counter antacid pills I picked up for her at Costco. Then I read more of the news.

Too bad the Broncos lost. I'm not really a football fan, but I was hoping that Tim Tebow and his teammates would pull off another win.

I finally did the Christmas cards for the people at work tonight. I'm not very much in the Christmas spirit.

I'm on the 5am-1:30pm shift this coming week, so I will likely go to bed soon.


2011/12/17 20:05 Saturday

Slept about 11 hours last night. I hope the increased dose of Synthroid will eventually help me not to sleep so much.

The day has gotten away from me. Weekend days fly by, but my time at work typically seems to take forever.

I still haven't called Jolly or my niece Jessica, who is staying with Jolly until after Christmas. Jolly called a week ago yesterday and said that Jessica was in town, and asked if I wanted to get together. I told her I had to work Saturday (the 10th), but maybe we could get together the following weekend (this weekend, that is). I just haven't been able to bring myself to call them. I just don't want to deal with them. I'll probably have to do so for Christmas, though.

Almost didn't ride today, but finally ended up doing 25 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 14.7 mph. That isn't great for the trainer, but it is better than yesterday's average, and at least I rode.

I had gotten bundled up to ride otudoors and headed to Virginia Lake on my commuter bike, but Lakeside Drive is still closed over by the park. The sign still says that the road was to be closed on 12/15 and 12/16 from 8am-4pm. It didn't say anything about 12/17, so I'm miffed that it was still closed. I hope it will be open tomorrow.

After seeing that the road was still closed, I headed for home to get my road bike. I was planning on riding McCarran hill workout loops. I was wearing a t-shirt under my cold-weather gear, not a cycling jersey, so I changed into a jersey. I wear jerseys when riding my road bike because jerseys have pockets. I can wear t-shirts when riding my commuter bike, as I have a rack bag in which I put my phone, keys, and wallet.

Anyway, I changed into a jersey and pumped up the road bike tires. Just before I was about to leave, though, I looked at a clock and realized that the sun would be down before I finished the ride. I had lost track of the time. After all that, I peeled off the layers of cold-weather gear. By that time, I wasn't very motivated to ride, but went ahead and got on the trainer. I need to start working out consistently again; I have been struggling fairly severely with life lately, and am hoping that regular exercise will help me cope better.

The friend from work with whom I was going to have lunch tomorrow called and rescheduled. I'm glad. I just want to be alone as much as possible.

I have been awake for fewer than 12 hours, but am so tired that I am dizzy. I need to get to bed as soon as possible.


2011/12/16 20:35 Friday

Worked from 6am-2:30pm today. My schedule this week has been 7am-3:30pm, but we had a breakfast at work today for someone who is retiring, so I went in early.

Bundled up in cycling gear after work and headed for Virginia Lake to do laps. Unfortunately, Lakeside Drive was blocked off. The sign said that it would be blocked off until 4pm, but it was already after 4 o'clock when I was there, and there wasn't any indication that the street would be re-opened soon. Headed back home, peeled off layers, and hit the trainer. Did 25 miles at a very slow 13.5 mph average speed. At least I did a workout, though.

Listened to a couple of sermons while I rode. I am thankful to be able to listen to sermons on the Internet. I am also thankful that I am not part of a church. I'm way too much of a loner to be in one.


2011/12/15 18:45 Thursday

Went to the doctor after work. He said that my thyroid levels were still low. He increased the dose of Synthroid. I am hoping that will improve my condition. I will be having my levels tested again in six weeks, and I have a follow-up appointment in three months. I am supposed to call the doctor's office and check in after the blood test.

Didn't finish my Christmas cards this evening. Read the news, and now I am too tired. I still have to shower, though.

Was very depressed at work this morning. It was so bad that I closed my office door and cried for a few minutes. Crying is extremely unusual for me.


2011/12/14 19:10 Wednesday

Was planning on riding this afternoon, but was too tired. Ran a couple of errands after work, and then read the news. Then I did some research on wireless adapters for linux. The one that I am using has frozen a couple of times, requiring that it be unplugged and plugged back in, and it has also dropped the connection a number of times. Often, when I log on to my linux box, there is a popup indicating that the connection has dropped. Haven't had any success at finding a better one yet.

Am expecting a phone call at 7:30pm, or I would have gone to bed earlier. I will get ready for bed now, and then will go to bed right after the call.

Didn't get the rest of my Christmas cards done tonight. Maybe I'll get them done tomorrow after the doctor's appointment.


2011/12/13 18:40 Tuesday

Went yet another day without riding. After work, I read the news and then did the Christmas cards that need to be mailed. Will do the ones for people at work tomorrow; am too exhausted to do anything else tonight, and I still need to shower.


2011/12/12 18:20 Monday

Had planned to do my Christmas cards tonight, but after taking the time to read the news, I am too exhausted. I'm going to have to get ready for bed now and get into bed as soon as possible. I'm on the 7am-3:30pm shift this week, so I won't have to be up until about 5:45am.


2011/12/11 18:10 Sunday

Have had yet another busy day. Finished my laundry, and was actually able to hang up my polo shirts now that I have more closet space. I had been leaving them in a laundry basket after laundering them, where they invariably ended up getting wrinkled. After doing the laundry, I unpacked some and threw out some boxes that I had been saving, such as printer boxes and camera gear boxes. I still have a long way to go to get unpacked and organized. After having my fill of working on the apartment, I went to Costco for a few items. Then I did a ride on my commuter bike. Just did laps around Virginia Lake. Did 30.67 miles at an average speed of only 13.1 mph. I'm not sure how I managed to hold on for that distance, as I was tired. My legs felt fine; I was just fatigued.

Soon after I arrived home from the ride, a friend from work called. I had taken photos at her daughter's high school graduation party, and she wanted me to give her another DVD of the photos. She moved fairly recently, and can't find the original DVD. We talked about work some, and I told her that I pray two prayers almost non-stop: one is that I won't lose my job, and the other is that I will die soon.

My mood improved when I first started taking the Synthroid, but that lasted only about three weeks. I don't know if the improvement in my mood was a coincidence. I will be going to the doctor on Thursday. He should have the results of the blood test by then.

I had planned to do my Christmas cards today, but couldn't find the green felt tip pen I have used for Christmas cards in the past. That was a good excuse to put off doing the cards. Better late than never, I suppose. I'll stop and get a couple of pens on the way home from work tomorrow.


2011/12/11 06:20 Sunday

Slept about 13 hours last night. Might have slept longer, but when I woke up at 04:30 and checked the time, I decided to go ahead and get up. I wanted to get my laundry out of the way early, as I figured that there would be plenty of machines available. It has been three or four weeks since I have done laundry. It turned out that I needed to do only five loads, though.


2011/12/10 14:30 Saturday

Got home from the party last night at about 9pm. Managed to stay awake long enough to shower. Had to be at work at 6 o'clock this morning. Worked until only 11:30am. I am exhausted. I would like to stay up until a reasonable bedtime, but am fading fast. Looks as though I will be in bed by 3:15pm at the latest. I'm past my limits.


2011/12/09 17:05 Friday

My UVerse is set up now, but unfortunately I don't have time to shower before the cycling club party. The AT&T tech had to troubleshoot my wall jack, and then I had to re-register for Internet service. At least I was here and wasn't in the shower when he came to work on it. I would have hated to have had to wait until Monday to get my service working.


2011/12/08 18:55 Thursday

Have had a very busy day. After work, I got my hair cut, then bought some socks, then had the blood draw, then bought a couple of lamps, and then went to Costco. I have scanned the news online, and now I'm going to retrieve my AT&T equipment and my router. Then I'll check the mail and drop the keys to my old apartment in the dropbox. After that, I will get ready for bed. I'm very tired.

Unfortunately, I can hear the TV from the apartment next door when I am in my living room. The sound coming through isn't all that loud, but it is noise, and I hate noise. I didn't hear it the first few days in my new apartment, so maybe the guy next door doesn't watch TV all that much. I hope he doesn't.


2011/12/07 17:50 Wednesday

Finally got finished with cleaning. I still have my AT&T equipment in the old apartment, and will retrieve that tomorrow. I might not be able to post anything herein tomorrow, depending on what time I have to turn in the keys. I'm hoping the apartment manager will let me leave them in the rent dropbox tomorrow evening. If not, I will have to turn them in by 4:30pm. Right after work, I have an appointment for a haircut, and then after that I have an appointment for a blood draw. I'll probably be home just a little before 4:30.

Had something strange happen as I was locking up the old apartment. I hit the light switch for the kitchen, and the lights flashed off but then came back on. Touching the switch when it was in the down position made the lights go off again, but when I let go, the lights came back on. I haven't had any problems in the past with the lights, so I am baffled. I turned off the breaker to the kitchen before I left because I was afraid the switch might short out and cause a fire.


2011/12/06 18:55 Tuesday

Everything is out of the apartment, but I still have to finish cleaning. A friend helped me move the two dressers that I couldn't move by myself, and then we went to dinner. I'll try to get the cleaning finished tomorrow. I'm too exhausted to do more tonight. I still need to shower, though.


2011/12/05 19:00 Monday

Didn't get everything out of my old apartment today. I'm too bushed to do much more tonight, though. I'm going to unpack a couple of boxes and then hit the sack.


2011/12/04 17:45 Sunday

Called it quits for today and hit the shower. Now I'm off to get ready for bed. I still have a lot to do, especially when it comes to cleaning. There are two dressers I'll need help with, but I can get a friend to help me move them. I plan to get everything else out and do the cleaning tomorrow, and then get help with the dressers on Tuesday.


2011/12/04 Sunday

Took another break. Went to Super Burrito and brought home an early dinner. Then read the news online. Three cheers for Tim Tebow.

Back to moving now. I'm not going to get much more done today. I'm bushed.


2011/12/04 12:10 Sunday

Break time. Had to stop to eat lunch. I'm somewhat discouraged. I've been working non-stop, and there is still a whole lot to do. I haven't even started on the mess in my bedroom.


2011/12/04 08:35 Sunday

While I was eating breakfast just now, I got the Windows 7 box to connect to the Internet. The NIC (network interface card) on my linux box that is on my wired subnet was disabled.


2011/12/04 07:20 Sunday

My linux box is up and running on the Internet. For some reason, though, my Windows 7 box isn't getting an IP address from the DHCP server on my linux box. Will troubleshoot that later; I need to get back to moving.


2011/12/04 04:25 Sunday

Slept only about eight hours last night. I was exhausted by the time I went to bed at about 7pm, but had trouble falling asleep. It was probably about 7:45 by the time I drifted off. Woke up at about 3:45am.

I have a long, hard day of moving ahead of me.


2011/12/03 17:25 Saturday

The crisis regarding my Internet connection is finally over. I tried a number of things to get the wireless adapter I had been using up and running, including reinstalling the version of Fedora I had been using. The program I had been using to make the adapter work was no longer available as part of that distribution, although I had reinstalled it not long ago. I tried installing an old PCI adapter I had in my parts box, but that didn't work either. I had bought a USB wireless adapter for the computer I am going to give a friend eventually, and finally gave that adapter a try. All I did was plug it in, and it immediately brought up the list of available wireless networks. Wish I had tried that sooner.

I still haven't finished listening to the sermon from last Sunday. Was so incredibly tired yesterday evening that I had to go to bed at 5pm. Couldn't even stay up long enough to finish listening to the sermon. Started listening to it again today, but didn't get very far. Had to go to Costco, then ended up fighting the battle with the wireless adapter.

I'm starting to figure out the desktop on Fedora 16. I still don't like it, as it is missing features that the older version had, but at least I can get it to function. Maybe I'll be able to figure out how to simulate some of the old features.


2011/12/03 13:00 Saturday

I'm in a serious bind. I can't get my wireless network adapter to work with Fedora 16. I had planned to leave my AT&T U-verse equipment and wireless router in my old apartment and access it from my new apartment until AT&T gets my access switched over. That would require having the wireless up and running. Would that I hadn't done the linux upgrade.


2011/12/03 Saturday

Slept 13 hours last night.

The upgrade process on my linux box that I was trying to do didn't work, so I upgraded from scratch this morning. Unfortunately, the desktop style has been changed dramatically in the newest version of the distribution I use, which is Fedora. I hate the new style, and I don't have time to determine how to reconfigure it to how I want it. I have way too much to do this weekend and in the next week, as I will start moving tomorrow.


2011/12/02 14:35 Friday

Am way too tired to ride today. My plan for the afternoon is to start an upgrade of my Linux box, go to the apartment office to sign the lease for my new apartment, and then listen to a sermon on my Windows 7 box. Then it will be off to bed as early as possible.


2011/12/01 19:45 Thursday

Didn't have time to ride today. Took a friend out to dinner. Now I'm off to get ready for bed. Thought I was going to fall asleep while driving home.


2011/11/30 18:10 Wednesday

Moving is a pain in the neck. I haven't even started moving my belongings yet; I have only been doing change of addresses and getting services moved. I spent 53 minutes on the phone trying to get my AT&T U-verse voice and Internet service moved. First they told me that U-verse wasn't available at my new apartment, then they put me on hold forever until they could get someone competent on the line. To make matters worse, the earliest they can get my service started in the new place is on the 9th, but I will be starting to move my belongings on the 4th. The apartment won't be ready until Sunday, as the carpet won't be cleaned until Friday and it has been taking carpets a while to dry. The apartment manager said that I should wait until Sunday to start moving things. I was hoping to have both weekend days.

I didn't have time to ride today, and I am in a bad mood from dealing with AT&T and from having had to skip my workouts for two days in a row. Won't be able to ride tomorrow, either.

I'm exhausted. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2011/11/29 17:25 Tuesday

Didn't ride today, for a number of reasons. I'm glad I didn't, as I am tired and still need to get in the shower. Speaking of which, that is where I am headed now.


2011/11/28 19:20 Monday

Didn't get to bed as early as I had planned to last night. Got about nine hours of sleep, though. Was moderately tired at work, but wasn't too tired to ride today. Did 25 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.3 mph. That isn't very fast, but it is better than my average speeds have been lately.

I decided to go ahead and move into a two-bedroom apartment. It is just several feet from the one I am in now, so moving won't be all that bad. Getting organized enough to make the move will be a challenge, though.

I'm off to get ready for bed now.


2011/11/27 14:55 Sunday

Am not going to ride today. Am way too tired. Am going to shower and go to bed.


2011/11/27 13:05 Sunday

Was home from work by about noon. Haven't yet decided whether or not to ride today. I'm very tired.


2011/11/26 19:50 Saturday

My ride seemed to take forever this evening. I almost didn't ride because of being tired, but decided to go ahead and ride anyway. Did 25 miles on my commuter bike. My average speed was a pitiful 12.5 mph. I have been feeling better and sleeping less since I started taking the Synthroid, but it seems as though I have been struggling more on my rides.

I'll be working again tomorrow. I'm thankful for the extra pay I will receive. I'm on hourly pay, not a salary, so I will be paid for the extra hours.

I'm off to get ready for bed now. I am quite tired.


2011/11/25 21:10 Friday

Did 25 miles on my commuter bike. Would normally have done 30 miles on a Friday, but didn't want to take the time to ride the extra five miles, as I have to work tomorrow. Averaged only 12.7 mph. Was too lazy to ride at anything more than a leisurely pace. At least I rode, though.


2011/11/25 16:20 Friday

Being around Jolly and others yesterday sent me into a tailspin. I didn't want to be around anybody after that. I've managed to recover somewhat, though. I might end up working Sunday, but if not, I'll do the cycling club ride.


2011/11/24 17:50 Thursday

Survived Thanksgiving. Dealing with Jolly is more than I can take. Even though I have told her over and over and over that I need as much time alone as I can get, she still pressures me to spend time with her. As I was leaving my sister's house, Jolly told me to come visit her even if I just sit and stare.


2011/11/24 13:05 Thursday

Didn't want to ride outdoors because of the dizziness. After a time, the worst of it went away, so I decided to ride the trainer. Did 25 miles. Averaged only 14.4 mph. Took it easy because I wasn't feeling up to par. Now I'm off to a friend's house for about an hour, then I will go to my sister's house for dinner.


2011/11/24 08:55 Thursday

Happy Thanksgiving.

Slept less than 9.5 hours last night. Woke up before 6am. Made coffee and read the manual on a small camera I bought to take on rides in a cycling jersey pocket. It is a Canon PowerShot Elph 310HS. I have another Canon point-and-shoot, a PowerShot A640, but it doesn't fit very well in jersey pockets. I also have a Nikon D80 full-size digital SLR. I bought the Canon PowerShot Elph 310HS instead of a small Nikon point-and-shoot because the PowerShot A640 does a better job of exposure readings than the Nikon D80. I have been disappointed in the D80.

Had planned on doing a 30-mile ride before Thanksgiving festivities, but don't know if I will be able to do so. I have been very dizzy this morning.


2011/11/23 20:25 Wednesday

Did 25 miles on the trainer at an average speed of 15.2 mph. Listened to a sermon during the ride, then, as always during my rides, I prayed. I am blessed by being able to listen to sermons over the Internet, especially since I really do not want to be part of a church.


2011/11/23 14:50 Wednesday

AccuWeather is reporting the wind at 30 mph, so I am going to ride the trainer today. I'm not in the mood to deal with being blown around on the bike.

Left work at 2 o'clock today instead of 3:30. It was nice to leave early.


2011/11/22 21:20 Tuesday

Didn't get to bed until about 10 o'clock last night. I'm getting to bed late again tonight.

Ran a couple of errands after work this afternoon. Didn't get on the bike until about 5:30pm. Rode my commuter bike for 25 miles. My average speed was a little better this evening, but it was still slow. It was only 13.0 mph.

Decided against applying for the position in Manchester. The Operations Manager there who used to be in Reno emailed me back saying that the cost of living is high and that they have at least 11 days of precipitation a month. Besides, I probably wouldn't have gotten the position anyway. The have a Tech 1 there, and I would think that they would promote him instead of going outside the facility.


2011/11/21 21:35 Monday

The workday seemed to go by fast today.

Went to Costco after work for gasoline and to pick up the photo Christmas cards I ordered. Then I did a ride on my commuter bike. It was dark by the time I started. My average speed was an incredibly slow 12.2 mph for the 25 miles. Part of that was due to the fact that I was riding more cautiously than I do in the daylight, but I'm not sure that I would have been riding at a decent pace even if it had been light. I don't feel particularly weak, but I haven't felt strong on my rides lately.


2011/11/20 17:55 Sunday

Never did get on the trainer.


2011/11/20 15:05 Sunday

Was talking to a neighbor, and she said that the fire had come within a mile of our apartment building as the crow flies. There were fire personnel in full gear patrolling the apartment grounds.

Took off on my commuter bike, but it started snowing after about ten miles. Continued to ride for a while, but the snow started coming down hard and I gave up at about 14 miles. When I arrived home, my neighbor greeted me. I had called her asking if I could take a close look at her apartment. I am thinking of moving into the two-bedroom apartment above her, and wanted to get more input for my decision. I have a one-bedroom now, and it would be nice to have more room.

The snow has stopped, but I've decided to stay indoors and ride the trainer. I had intended to get on the trainer right after I bailed on the outdoor ride, but went ahead and checked out my neighbor's apartment. Now I'm having trouble getting motivated to finish my workout.


2011/11/20 08:45 Sunday

The cycling club ride scheduled for today was cancelled due to weather. It is snowing very lightly where I live, but I'll try to do an outdoor ride some time today anyway. If I do ride outdoors, I'll ride either my commuter bike or my mountain bike. The mountain bike has disk brakes, which work better than caliper brakes in inclement weather. If I decide against riding outdoors, I'll go ahead and ride the trainer.

Slept about nine hours last night. Drifted in and out of sleep for a time before I actually woke up fully.


2011/11/19 20:20 Saturday

Didn't have time to ride today. A friend of mine is being released from prison on Monday, and I was busy taking care of some things for her. I had bought her a bike and accessories, and some clothing. I also went through some of my T-shirts, polo shirts, and cold-weather cycling gear to see what I could give her. This afternoon, I took everything over to the place where she will be staying. I would still have had time to ride, but we had arranged for her to call me at 5pm. I thought about riding after that, but decided against it because I figured I would be too tired afterward. I went to Trader Joe's and picked up a few grocery items.

I'm planning on doing the cycling club ride tomorrow, assuming it doesn't snow.

I'm tired. It's time to get ready for bed.


2011/11/19 05:40 Saturday

Slept less than nine hours last night. That's progress. Also, I have been in a better mood since I started taking the Synthroid. One of the symptoms of thyroid problems is depression.

I am thankful that the family I knew who used to live on Gibralter moved before the fire. I don't know where they moved to, but I hope it wasn't to a house in the same neighborhood or anywhere else near the fire.


2011/11/18 19:55 Friday

Because of the wind, I rode indoors on my trainer today. Did only 25 miles, whereas if I had ridden otudoors, I would have done 30 miles. It is just too tedious to do more than 25 miles on the trainer. I listened to a sermon on my iPhone for the first part of the ride, and then prayed for the rest of the ride. Averaged 14.6 mph, which isn't that good, but I tend to ride slowly when listening to sermons. I picked up the pace after the sermon was over.

The fire damage is a tragedy. I read on rgj.com that some homes on Gibralter Drive were lost or damaged. I know someone who used to live on that street. I believe he and his family moved elsewhere, though.

I'm exhausted. Am off to get ready for bed.


2011/11/17 20:05 Thursday

Averaged a pitifully slow 12.6 mph for 25 miles on my commuter bike.

I haven't yet decided whether or not to apply for the position in Manchester. I am inclined not to do so. I don't think I would like the weather, and I doubt that there are hills for cycling or hiking. Besides, I'm old and set in my ways. I don't want to have to adjust to being in a new location. I didn't have time to email the Manchester Operations Manager today, but will try to do so tomorrow despite my misgivings about transferring. Another thing that comes to mind is that a friend sort of shot down the idea of my transferring the last time I brought up the subject. I don't know why he would care, though.

I'm too exhausted to think. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2011/11/16 17:45 Wednesday

There is a position open in Manchester, Connecticut that I am considering applying for. The guy who is the Manchester facility's Operations Manager used to be in the Reno center, and I am going to email him tomorrow and ask about the weather and cycling there. I suspect that the weather would be too cold for me during the winter, and that there aren't any good hills for cycling or hiking. I did a little research after my shower, but didn't come up with much that would help me decide whether or not to apply for the job.

I'm going to start taking the Synthroid in the morning instead of at night. The doctor said to take it on an empty stomach and wait half an hour before eating, or to take it at bedtime. My stomach probably isn't empty at bedtime, though.

Speaking of bedtime, I'm exhausted and need to crawl off to bed.


2011/11/16 15:40 Wednesday

Have decided to skip riding again today. Am just too tired. Didn't get enough sleep last night. It isn't even 4pm, but I would like to go to bed now. Have to shower first, though.


2011/11/15 16:45 Tuesday

Am not riding today. Went by Costco after work, and will be going to a cycling club meeting this evening. It will be long past my bedtime before I will get to bed, as the meeting won't be over until 8pm or so. I'll try to get into bed early tomorrow night.


2011/11/14 20:15 Monday

Did 25 miles on my commuter bike at a slow average speed of 12.9 mph.

Did 7 loads of laundry yesterday after the ride. Two of those were cycling gear.

Am on the early shift this week, so it is past my bedtime. I had better hit the sack.


2011/11/13 18:20 Sunday

Paid my bills this morning, then went on a ride with the cycling club to which I belong. We meet at Roy Gomm School and then ride to Verdi. I rode to the school. My total mileage was 36.17, and my average speed was 15.9 mph. That isn't very fast, but I'm not all that concerned about my speed at this point. I assume it will improve if and when my health improves.


2011/11/13 07:30 Sunday

Woke up this morning after about 9.5 hours of sleep. That's progress.

Although I had blackholed traffic from cdn.optmd.com, I was still getting the popups. They just wouldn't have any content. It occurred to me that the popup window wasn't generated from cdn.optmd.com. I googled and found an opt-out page for that site.


2011/11/12 20:00 Saturday

Slept only about 7 hours last night. Had trouble falling asleep, and didn't drop off until about 10pm. My sleep was restless starting at about 3am. Had my alarm set for 5am, and got up soon after it rang. I wanted to have a couple of cups of coffee and read the news before my ride. I did that, and also listened to a couple of sermons. I am thankful to be able to listen to sermons over the Internet.

Did a 40.29-mile hill workout on my road bike. Averaged a pitifully slow speed of 13.4 mph. On the first loop, I went down McCarran from Caughlin Parkway to Mayberry. However, there was an area with glass in the bike lane on that stretch, so I took a different route on the next two loops. Instead of going down McCarran, I went up Caughlin Parkway, followed it around to Plateau, took the left at Plateau, took Plateau to Mayberry, went right on Mayberry, and then followed my normal route after crossing McCarran. After doing two of those loops, I did a couple of laps around Virginia Lake to bring my mileage up to 40.

After the ride, I took a quick shower and then headed to the IT Winter Celebration. I picked up my buddy Dan, who was my guest at the dinner.

I'm off to get ready for bed. I'm tired.


2011/11/11 20:00 Friday

Thought about riding after the get-together, but decided that I was too tired. Will do a long ride tomorrow to make up for not riding yesterday or today.

Got fed up with ad popups from cdn.optmd.com and elsewhere. I am in the process of adding route statements on my linux box that will blackhole all traffic from a number of advertisers.

I'm off to get ready for bed now. I want to get up early so that I can relax over coffee and then get in a long ride before having to get ready for the IT department Winter Celebration tomorrow. We will meet at 4pm for dinner.


2011/11/10 17:35 Thursday

Am skipping my ride today. Am just too exhausted. There has been progress regarding the fatigue since I started taking the Synthroid, though. I haven't had to sleep as much. There is light at the end of the tunnel. The doctor said that it would take about six weeks before the thyroid medication would be effective.

Won't be riding tomorrow, either. My boss's boss is in town, and there will be a get-together at the Wal after work.

I'm off to the shower and then to bed.


2011/11/09 20:05 Wednesday

By the time I got started on my ride, it was dark. Did 25 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of only 12.6 mph. I didn't realize I was going that slow. I wasn't struggling on the ride. Maybe the slow average speed was due to my going much slower than usual at the stop signs. There was quite a bit of traffic, and I didn't want to startle drivers.

Yesterday when I was riding to work, a coyote stopped in front of me and just stared. I was fairly far away from it at first, and I expected it to run away as I approached, but it didn't. I wasn't sure what to do. As I drew closer, I finally yelled "Shoo!" and then it ran away.


2011/11/08 18:20 Tuesday

Rode my commuter bike to work today. It was 25 degrees in Reno and 16 degrees in Stead this morning. I was bundled up, though, so I wasn't cold. In fact, my shirt was wet with sweat when I got to work. It is either 12.3 or 13.2 miles from my apartment to where I work. One of my bike computers reads one distance, and the other computer reads the other distance. I don't know which is correct. I suppose I could drive that route one of these days and see what my truck odometer reads, but it takes a lot longer to go that route than to take the freeway, and I haven't wanted to bother doing it.

Picked up my truck after work.


2011/11/07 18:30 Monday

The Nissan dealership ordered the wrong parts. My truck won't be ready until tomorrow. They had to overnight the correct parts. I'll likely ride my commuter bike to work tomorrow, but if I oversleep, I'll take the bus. I was going to ride my bike today, but the woman who gave me a ride insisted on giving me a ride when I talked to her on Sunday evening. She offered to give me a ride again tomorrow, but I don't want to impose.

She gave me a ride home today, but she had to pick up some relatives in Sun Valley on the way, and it was about 5:20 by the time we got to my apartment. I didn't ride because of getting home relatively late. I'm going to go to bed very soon so that I will be able to get up in the morning in time to ride my bike to work or take the bus.


2011/11/07 05:00 Monday

Since I started taking the Synthroid, I haven't been sleeping as much. Last night, I slept only about 8 hours. I went to bed at about 7:30pm, got to sleep at about 8 o'clock, and woke up at about 4am. I have been praying that the Synthroid would help, and it appears that the prayer is being answered. The doctor said that he expects it to be about 6 weeks before my system stabilizes on the medication, but I'm already seeing good results. One thing I don't like is that my sleep has been restless. I am still somewhat tired during the day because of that, but hopefully the restless sleep problem will stop over time.

Some time ago, I bought new tires for my commuter bike. They have a reflective stripe on the sidewall. The tires that came with the bike have over 5300 miles on them, but still have tread. I put the new tires on yesterday because I will be riding after dark again due to the time change. I will put the old tires back on once it is light during my rides again. Might as well get as much use out of them as possible.


2011/11/06 19:10 Sunday

Dropped my truck off at the Nissan dealership today. They will replace the catalytic converter tomorrow. A woman from work will be giving me a ride to work and then a ride to pick it up tomorrow after work.

Took my commuter bike to the dealership in the truck and then rode to Virginia Lake. Did a total of 30.56 miles at an average speed of 13.4 mph. It was cold, and was windy for much of the ride. I was bundled up, so I wasn't cold. Even my toes didn't get cold. I was wearing SmartWool sock liners, wool socks, and shoe covers.


2011/11/05 17:10 Saturday

Didn't ride today. Had a lot of errands to run today, and had lunch with Jolly and Jessica. By the time I was done with everything, I was too tired to ride. Woke up this morning after only about 8.5 hours of sleep. That is progress, even though I am tired now. I'll be going to bed early tonight, and then will get up early. I'm taking Jessica to the airport tomorrow morning.


2011/11/04 20:25 Friday

Really struggled on my ride today. Managed to put in 30 miles, but early in the ride I thought about quitting at 20 miles. Averaged only 12.7 mph. It was cold, but the wind wasn't too bad. AccuWeather was reporting the wind speed at 12 mph when I finished. When I started the ride, the temperature was reported as being 40 degrees with a "real feel" of 30 degrees. At the end of the ride, the temperature was reported at 37 with a real feel of 27. I had bundled up, so I was warm enough for the most part. As usual, though, my toes got cold.


2011/11/03 17:50 Thursday

Had a doctor's appointment today. He started me on a low dose of Synthroid, which is thyroid medication.

Didn't ride today. Planned on taking today as my rest day for the week due to the doctor's appointment. I'm glad today was my rest day, as the wind was blowing very hard.

I'm exhausted, and I still have to shower.


2011/11/02 18:25 Wednesday

Did 25 miles on my commuter bike today at an average speed of 13.8 mph. Didn't push myself at all. It wasn't windy, and the temperature was in the low 50's. I wore a long-sleeved base layer, a cycling jersey, a pair of fairly light-weight full-fingered gloves, and cycling shorts. My toes got cold, but other than that I was okay. However, after I stopped riding, I got cold. My fingers are still partly numb from being cold, and I finished the ride over an hour ago.


2011/11/01 19:40 Tuesday

Rode very slowly today. I was on my road bike, but averaged only 15.3 mph for 30.59 miles. It was cold and windy. For the most part, I was dressed for the cold, but didn't wear shoe covers. I was wearing wool socks, but my toes got cold anyway. Should have worn the shoe covers.

I'm exhausted. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2011/10/31 19:35 Monday

If it's not one thing, it's another.... The "service engine soon" light lit up in my truck yesterday. I took it in to the Nissan dealer this afternoon, and it turns out that I need a catalytic converter. It will cost $1500 to replace it. Good thing I have credit cards.

Had a decent ride on my commuter bike today. Didn't go all that fast, but the time seemed to go by fairly quickly. Did 25 miles at an average speed of 13.6 mph.


2011/10/30 17:10 Sunday

Did the Pedalers Halloween Costume Ride this morning. There were some great costumes. They can be seen here. I didn't end up in any of the photos that have been posted so far. I was wearing purple scrubs and a fake stethoscope. It wasn't a very exciting costume compared to most of the ones others were wearing.

I ended up riding by myself today. The fast group that rides a paceline took off first. Most of them are in the Reno Wheelmen, which is the fast club. After a while, another group took off, and I realized belatedly that there were only three other people left and that they would likely be riding slowly. I decided to try to catch the second group that left. I wasn't able to catch them, so I rode alone. As it turned out, I rode slowly today myself. Averaged only 15.1 mph for a little over 33 miles.

Had lunch with Jolly and my niece Jessica after the ride. Jessica is in from out of town. She has been living in Austin, Texas. Lunch went fine, but my clothes reek of cigarette smoke from having been in Jolly's house.

It's back to work tomorrow. I haven't allowed myself to face the fact that I have to go back to work.


2011/10/29 19:05 Saturday

The ride today was fun. We had lunch at Markleeville. On the way back through Diamond Valley, we stopped and took pictures at the Snowshoe Thompson memorial plaques. Then, on Foothill Road, we stopped at the Fredricksburg Cemetery and took pictures there, too, because it is so close to Halloween.

The pace was slow; I averaged only 14.4 mph for a little over 45 miles. It was cold when we started, but I was bundled up enough that it didn't bother me. I took a cycling backpack with me, and as the temperature warmed up, I took off layers and put them in the pack.


2011/10/28 18:30 Friday

Did a short, slow-paced ride on my commuter bike. Did a little over 20 miles at an average speed of 13.4 mph. I did a short ride for two reasons. For one thing, I wanted my legs to be fresh for the ride tomorrow. For another, I wanted to get home and do the laundry that had been piling up for three weeks. Now I need to shower and get to bed.


2011/10/28 11:25 Friday

Finally succeeded in installing Windows XP Professional on the PC that I am going to give to my friend. Found a BIOS update on the Internet and flashed the BIOS on the motherboard, and then was able to install the OS. Also had to install a lot of drivers from the CD that came with the board. I don't recall having to do that before with that system, but maybe I did.


2011/10/27 18:00 Thursday

Took today as my rest day from riding. Tomorrow I will do an easy ride, and then on Saturday I will be doing a 44-mile club ride from the base of Kingsbury Grade to Markleeville via Emigrant Trail and then back through Diamond Valley. On Sunday, I will be doing the club's Halloween costume ride. It will be the standard Sunday ride, which goes out to Verdi and back.

Am still trying to get Windows to install. It takes time to try the various suggestions I have found by means of Google searches.


2011/10/27 09:40 Thursday

Slept about 10 hours last night.

Still haven't been able to get Windows XP to install. That is strange, because I think that all the hardware other than the DVD drive is the same as when I first built the computer and installed XP on it. I no longer have the original DVD drive, as it is in the computer I gave to my neighbor. I don't think the DVD drive is the problem, anyway.

I did a very basic Linux install just to make sure that all the hardware is functioning as it should. That went off without a hitch. I don't know why Windows won't install.


2011/10/26 21:15 Wednesday

It hung yet again. Changed the other BIOS setting (disabled ACPI), and that resulted in a BSOD (blue screen of death). My next tactic was to remove the PCI network card. Don't know yet if that will help. If it doesn't, I'm going to bed and will work on it tomorrow. It is past my bedtime.


2011/10/26 20:45 Wednesday

The Windows installation hung again. I did some research on Google, and found a site that told how to determine what device was causing the installation to hang. Turns out it was the DVD drive. The drive is supported by Windows XP, so maybe the jumper being in the "cable select" position instead of "master" was causing the problem. I decided to use a different DVD drive instead of trying the jumper in the master position.

Well, I got past the DVD drive the next time, but it hung again. It hung at a file that has BIOS information in it. I changed a setting in BIOS and am trying again. I might need to change another setting also, but decided to try them one at a time.


2011/10/26 19:15 Wednesday

Am getting a computer ready for the friend who will be released from prison next month. Am giving her an old computer that I haven't been using. Had to install a new power supply, as the fan on the old one had failed. Also had to put a DVD drive in it, as I had taken out the one that had been in it.

I am reinstalling Windows XP Professional on the computer. The first two times I tried to reinstall the OS, it hung on the "Installing Devices" step. I think that was because the DVD drive jumper was set to "slave" even though it was the only device on the cable and the connector I had used was the "master" one. I didn't think to check the jumper until after I had already screwed the drive in, and decided not to take it back out and check it because it had been the only device on the cable in the computer that it had been in. However, I looked at the computer I had taken it from, and it had a second hard drive in it that had probably been a master device on that cable at one time. I took the DVD drive out and moved the jumper from "slave" to "cable select" and am trying again to reinstall Windows.


2011/10/26 17:35 Wednesday

Slept about 11 hours last night.

Struggled some on the ride yesterday, and really struggled on today's ride. Averaged only 12.7 mph for the 30 miles on my commuter bike. It was cold and windy again. I was wearing cycling shorts, a T-shirt, arm warmers, a shell jacket, and full-fingered gloves. That was about right, although my toes were fairly cold.


2011/10/25 18:50 Tuesday

Forgot to mention that I also paid my bills yesterday. It was a really busy day.

Today was less busy, but the day went by fast. Started off by reading the news while drinking my coffee. Then I took my truck in for an oil change and checkup. After that I went to Costco and bought a TV/computer monitor for a friend who will be paroled from prison next month. She has been in prison for a DUI causing death. After the Costco stop, I ate lunch and read some more news. Then I got ready to ride. I stopped by Velo Reno, which is just down the street from where I live, at the beginning of the ride. I ordered a couple of pedal rebuild kits and a couple of locking skewers for the fork-mount bicycle racks I have in my truck. They won't be in until a week from tomorrow.

Did 30 miles on my commuter bike again today. My average speed was a slow 12.9 mph. I wasn't pushing myself, and it was windy. I was just trying to get in the full 30 miles that I had set as my goal. In addition to it being windy, it was also cold.


2011/10/25 06:10 Tuesday

Woke up this morning after a little less than 8 hours of sleep. Maybe the potassium iodide is going to help me not sleep as much as I have been. I'm hoping and praying it will.


2011/10/24 19:00 Monday

Today was a non-stop day. Went to LabCorp first, then Trader Joe's, then REI, then went to Costco for gasoline, then had my truck smog-checked, and then went to Costco for groceries. After that, I did a ride. Then it was back to LabCorp. Then I went to a shop that sells nurse scrubs and bought pants and a shirt, and after that I went to a Halloween costume store for a fake stethoscope. At the cycling club ride next Sunday, everyone who wears a costume will be entered in a raffle for a $20 gift certificate to the bike shop of the winner's choice. I wanted to wear a Star Trek costume, but the only one I could find locally was a dress. After getting home from all that, I listened to a sermon. Then I read the news.

My ride was 30 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 14.6 mph. It would have been faster, but the wind came up about halfway through the ride and slowed me down. I was pushing myself, as I was short of time. I wanted to do 30 miles today, but wasn't sure I would have time before my second appointment at LabCorp. I ended up finishing in plenty of time.


2011/10/23 13:35 Sunday

Did the club ride this morning. Averaged only 16.1 mph for 33.46 miles. I was among the faster group, but we slowed down at times to wait for the slower riders. There was one group that we lost altogether, though.

My legs are tired today. Also, my biceps are a little sore. My arms were tired on yesterday's ride. I unloaded a lot of TVs yesterday.

I am having blood tests for cortisol levels tomorrow at 8am and 4pm. When I was at the doctor's office, I didn't think to ask him if I should go ahead and do my normal workout in the afternoon before the 4pm test. Cortisol levels are affected by exercise. I did call back and ask the nurse, and she said not to do a workout that day. However, last night I got to thinking that if I were to do a ride, it would give a more accurate picture of what my cortisol levels are, as it is normal for me to do a ride in the afternoon. I have decided to go ahead and do a ride before the 4pm test.


2011/10/22 16:40 Saturday

Did 30 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.9 mph. That is faster than I thought my average would be. I felt as though I was going slower than that. I felt a little woozy at times during the ride, but at least my head hasn't been spinning like it was.

I'm going to try to make it to the club ride tomorrow. It doesn't start until 10:15am, so I won't have to get up all that early. I'll go to bed early tonight. The ride starts at Roy Gomm School and goes out Mayberry to Fourth and then to Verdi. When the riders get back to McCarran and Mayberry, which is essentially where Roy Gomm School is, there is a social gathering at Franz' Backstube, which is a coffee and pastry shop.


2011/10/22 13:10 Saturday

This morning I volunteered at the E-Waste Recycling event at the old Park Lane Mall. I got up early so that I could have coffee and take a shower beforehand. I was in a section where we were unloading TVs and computer equipment.

I'm tired, but am still going to do a ride today. At least I'm not dizzy.


2011/10/21 19:00 Friday

Had a decent ride. Was able to do 30 miles on my commuter bike, and my average speed was 14.2 mph. I am very thankful to be feeling better.

According to the accuweather app on my iPhone, sunset was supposed to be at 6:12pm today. However, when the sun went down behind the mountains, I looked at my watch and it was only 5:45pm.


2011/10/21 14:50 Friday

I am now on vacation until Monday, October 31st. I am thankful to have the time away from work.

I'm not as dizzy today. I don't know if the extra sleep helped, or if my feeling better is due to my not having taken the Prozac for two days. I'm going to go ahead and get on a bike. I'll try to do 30 miles, but don't know whether or not I will be able to.


2011/10/20 17:00 Thursday

Had to skip my ride yet again today due to dizziness. It started at about noon. I don't feel particularly tired; I just feel dizzy. However, since in the past the dizziness has occurred most often when I am tired, I am going to go to bed early. Hopefully I will be able to sleep, and hopefully extra sleep will alleviate the dizziness.

The nurse called today. I told her that I wanted to stop taking the Prozac, and she relayed that message to the doctor. He said to go ahead and stop taking it and see how I do. The nurse didn't say anything about tapering off, so I'm just going to stop it altogether.


2011/10/19 18:35 Wednesday

The nurse didn't call back. I have decided to stop taking the Prozac. I will taper off by taking a capsule every other night for a week or so, then will stop taking it altogether.


2011/10/19 17:10 Wednesday

Skipped riding yet again today. Am too dizzy to ride. For a while, I have been getting dizzy when tired, and it is getting much worse. I think the Prozac is making it worse. I spoke with the nurse this afternoon, and told her I want to stop taking it. She is supposed to talk to the doctor and call me back.

Yesterday evening, by about 6pm, my head was starting to spin while I was at the cycling club meeting. One of the members does a lot of cycling tours in Europe, and he gave a photo presentation of a trip along the Danube. By 7pm, I wasn't sure I would be able to stand up and then drive home. The meeting wasn't over until about 8pm, and the dizziness was even worse by then. I prayed that I would make it home without mishap, and gave fervent thanks when I did.

Listened to a sermon this afternoon. The first part was very similar to a sermon preached years ago by the same pastor at an event at UNR. As I have stated before, I am thankful for being able to listen to sermons on the Internet.


2011/10/18 17:05 Tuesday

Didn't ride today either. I'm going to go to the monthly cycling club meeting, and I didn't have time to ride. I'm going to get to bed late because of the meeting. I hope that doesn't make me too tired to ride tomorrow.


2011/10/17 16:00 Monday

Didn't ride today. Am so tired that I am dizzy. Will shower and then go to bed.


2011/10/16 19:05 Sunday

Finally got on my commuter bike at about 3:15 and did a ride. I was tired, and for part of the ride it was very windy, but I managed to do 30 miles. Averaged only 13.3 mph, but at least I did the whole 30 miles that is my goal on the weekend days.

After the ride, I went in search of potassium iodide. Walgreen's didn't have it, and the specialty vitamin stores were likely all closed by that time, but I found it at Whole Foods. I'll start taking it tomorrow morning. The multivitamin I take has 150mcg of iodine, which is the recommended daily allowance, and I take that at night. The supplement I bought tonight has 225 mcg. Hopefully the additional iodine will help with the fatigue and other symptoms I have.


2011/10/16 15:10 Sunday

I have been looking on the Internet in an attempt to find out what is causing me to sleep so much. I have several symptoms of iodine deficiency. I do not use table salt, which contains iodide. I am going to get an iodine supplement and see if that helps.


2011/10/16 11:00 Sunday

Slept not quite 15 hours last night.

Forgot to write about the doctor's appointment on October 5th. I'm not holding out any hope that he will be able to figure out what is wrong with me. He increased the dose of Prozac from 20mg to 40mg and ordered some blood tests. He ordered free T3, free T4, cortisol, and chronic EBV panel tests. Free T3 and T4 are thyroid tests, and the chronic EBV panel test is for chronic fatigue syndrome. Cortisol is a steroid hormone that is released in response to stress. Athletes typically have higher cortisol levels, and I do work out a lot. However, I was having problems with fatigue even when I wasn't working out at all. The doctor I was going to before did a cortisol test, but of a different type.


2011/10/15 16:40 Saturday

Listened to a sermon this morning. It reminded me of a conversation I had with the wife of an Episcopal priest years ago. I made a remark about the importance of humility, and she responded that she had never thought about that.

After listening to the sermon, I went back to bed and laid there half-awake for over an hour. Tried a few times to get up, but was too tired. Finally dragged myself out of bed even though I was still very tired.

Did not quite 30 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 14.2 mph. Started off the ride by going to REI for a base-layer shirt. Then I headed back to Virginia Lake and did my standard ride of laps around the park. I had planned to do a road bike ride of McCarran hill workout loops, but have been so tired today that I wanted to stay close to home in case I decided to cut the ride short. Despite being so tired, I managed to hold on for 29.97 miles.


2011/10/15 08:50 Saturday

Slept a little less than nine hours last night. Woke up at about 6:20, but laid in bed half-awake for about an hour after that.

Finished the iOS5 upgrade last night before going to bed. So far, so good.


2011/10/14 20:00 Friday

It has been a long day. Was at work from 6:30am until 1pm. When I got home, I scanned my email, facebook, and rgj.com. After that, I got ready to ride. Rode my commuter bike and started off by going to the bank. Because of the timing when I changed my direct deposit to my new checking account, I received a paper check this pay period. After going to the bank, I stopped by Velo Reno for a brake adjustment. Then I did 30.1 miles at an average speed of 14.1 mph. That is faster than I thought I was going. After the ride, I took the bike back in for a front derailleur adjustment.

When I finally got home from all that, I went through the process of annual enrollment for insurance benefits. I kept most things the same, but decided on a higher-cost but lower-deductible insurance plan. I also enrolled in a disability plan.

I am updating my iPhone to iOS5. I hope I don't regret it. I'm glad I started the process tonight instead of doing it during the day. It is downloading now, and it is taking forever. It has been downloading for quite some time, and it still shows 80 minutes remaining. I have set my Windows 7 box to the "never sleep" power setting to avoid the possibility of the computer going to sleep in the middle of the upgrade. That would likely be a disaster.

It is late, and I am getting very tired, but I'm going to skim the latimes.com site before bed.


2011/10/13 18:20 Thursday

Had my commuter bike fixed this afternoon. Didn't do a workout because of the time that took. Hadn't taken a rest day this week anyway.

It is getting late, I am exhausted, and I still need to shower.


2011/10/12 19:15 Wednesday

Didn't get my commuter bike fixed today after all. The cassette won't be in until tomorrow due to the Columbus Day holiday. Rode my road bike again today. Averaged only 16.6 mph for 26.37 miles. There was a lot of very slow-moving traffic, and quite a few pedestrians crossing the street. There was also a tow truck blocking all of one lane and part of the second lane for a while. Traffic in both directions had to detour into the parking places. As I couldn't see around the tow truck very well, I had to go around it slowly.


2011/10/11 19:00 Tuesday

Got a late start on my ride. Rode for only one hour and 18 minutes before it got dark enough that I decided to stop. Did only 22.18 miles at an average speed of 16.9 mph. Was on my road bike.


2011/10/10 19:25 Monday

Had a decent ride today, although it was shorter than I wanted it to be. Did only 25.19 miles, and I had wanted to do 30. Got a later start than I had hoped to, and had to quit at 25 due to lack of light. Was on my road bike, and averaged 17.1 mph despite getting stuck behind some very slow-moving traffic at times.


2011/10/09 17:55 Sunday

Did 30 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.4 mph. It wasn't a great ride, to say the least. The shifting on my front derailleur is worse than it was before it was adjusted yesterday. I will probably ride my road bike tomorrow and Tuesday, but in order to do that I will have to get on the bike right after getting home. This week, I'll be getting home at about 4pm. If I get on the road by 4:30 and do 30 miles, I will be done by about 6:15. Sunset is around 6:30, so that should work out well enough.


2011/10/09 10:10 Sunday

Dragged myself out of bed in time for the club ride, but ended up not going to it. Was having a hard time judging what gear to wear. Left the apartment wearing just a jersey, shorts, and half-finger gloves, and very soon was too cold. Turned around and went back home. It is supposed to get warmer later, so I didn't want to wear gear that was too warm. Finally decided to punt on the club ride and do a solo ride after it warms up this afternoon.

Slept only 10 hours, and was in bed for 11 hours. Don't know how long I would have slept if I hadn't set the alarm.


2011/10/08 18:25 Saturday

Did 30+ miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.7 mph. Started off the ride by going to the bank. The checking account I have will start costing $15 per month in mid-November, so I will be closing that one. I opened another account that will be free.

Have been having intermittent problems with the shifting on my commuter bike for quite some time. I have taken it into a bike shop a number of times, and have asked if I needed a new chain. The owner has said no. For the sake of convenience, I took it into Velo Reno today, which is a shop just down the street from where I live. They told me my chain was shot, and that because I had been riding so long on a bad chain, I need to have the rear cassette (the sprocket assembly) replaced as well in order to make it work as it should. I'm going to go ahead and have it done. I put a lot of miles on the bike, and I want it to be in good condition. They will have to order the cassette, so I won't be having it done until Wednesday. I'm a bit peeved that I need to have the cassette replaced, because if the other bike shop had replaced the chain when it first needed it, I wouldn't have had to spend the money on the cassette.

I'm going to try to get up early enough tomorrow to ride with the bike club. I'm not sure I will be able to drag myself out of bed by 7am. I still have to shower tonight.


2011/10/08 08:45 Saturday

Was in bed for over 15 hours last night. Went to bed at 4:50pm, but laid there half-awake until a little after 6pm before falling asleep. First woke up at about 7:20am. Laid in bed half-awake until a little after 8 o'clock.


2011/10/07 15:35 Friday

Am not going to ride today. Am feeling too woozy. I think I would have trouble keeping my balance on a bike.


2011/10/06 18:50 Thursday

Had to break out the cold-weather riding gear today. I'm thankful that it didn't rain while I was riding. The accuweather forecast was calling for rain at 3 o'clock, but it didn't happen. Did 25 miles on my commuter bike at a pitiful average speed of 13.1 mph. At least I got on the bike and rode, though.


2011/10/05 15:15 Wednesday

Am not riding today, as I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. I hope he has some idea as to what is causing the fatigue.


2011/10/04 16:25 Tuesday

Have decided not to ride today. Am too tired. Got home from work at about 2:45pm, and then read the news. Have eaten, and now I'm going to shower. I'm going to go to bed as soon as I possibly can. Am so tired I am losing my balance.


2011/10/03 19:00 Monday

Had a really bad ride today. Averaged only 13.1 mph for the 25 miles on my commuter bike. It was extremely windy, and there was the usual slow-moving traffic. Worse, I crashed, not just once, but twice. The first time, I was slowing at a stop sign, and saw another cyclist coming. I stopped to avoid pulling out in front of him, but didn't get my cleat out of the pedal in time to avoid falling. The second time, I was blown over by the wind. I had taken a drink from a water bottle, but missed the bottle cage when I tried to put it back. I ran over the bottle, and hit the brakes hard. I got my right foot cleat out of the pedal, and would have put that foot down as I stopped, but the wind was blowing so hard that it knocked me over to the left once I had lost forward momentum.


2011/10/02 17:25 Sunday

Did 30 miles on my commuter bike. Averaged only 13.6 mph, but that isn't surprising, given that it was very windy and that I got stuck behind very slow-moving traffic a number of times.


2011/10/02 11:00 Sunday

The story about the "3 Feet Please" ride was on the Channel 2 News at 11pm. I had set my PC to record it. When I played the recording, the sound was fine. Strange. There were some shots of me, including a close-up of my rear end. The 3 Feet Please jerseys have "Safe Distance" on the pockets, which cover my rear end, and the cameraman took a shot that zeroed in on that area of my jersey. There was also a shot of me from the side and then the front.

I tried to get up in time to do a club ride this morning, but kept hitting snooze. After about 12 hours, I finally managed to drag myself out of bed.


2011/10/01 19:10 Saturday

Moving the antenna around resulted in Channel 2 being picked up in the channel scan. The signal isn't very strong, though; the audio keeps cutting out intermittently. Turns out that the 6:30 news won't be on until 8pm due to a football game. I have my PC set to record it.

Did 30 miles on my commuter bike. My average was 13.7 mph, which is faster than I expected it to be. It was very windy, and I got stuck behind very slow-moving traffic quite a bit.

When I was filmed by Channel 2 this morning, I was wearing a silver helmet, black sunglasses, and RoadID shorts. The bike I rode was my black Cannondale road bike.


2011/10/01 14:25 Saturday

Just found a configuration setting that made the program recognize the card. However, Channel 2 didn't show up in the channel scan. I looked at their website, and it states that they do over-the-air broadcasting. Back to the drawing board....


2011/10/01 14:00 Saturday

There was a ride this morning from the Reno City Hall Plaza to the Sparks City Hall and back. It was intended to draw attention to the new law requiring that motorists give bicycles at least three feet of space when passing from behind. I participated in it. There were camera crews from a couple of TV stations at the plaza before the ride, including Channel 2. I was wearing a "3 Feet Please" jersey, and I was filmed a couple of times, mostly from the back. I'm trying to get the TV tuner card in my Linux box to work so that I will be able to record the Channel 2 news this evening, but am not having much success. The card is recognized by the operating system, but the program I have been trying to use doesn't recognize the card. I'm downloading a different program now, and will try to get that to work.


2011/09/30 17:50 Friday

Got home from work at about 1:30. Didn't wait all that long before riding, and am glad of that. I finished my ride before the weather turned nasty. There was some lightning in the distance when I was riding, and it was very windy, but at least it wasn't raining. It was fairly dark because of the cloud cover toward the end of my ride, and I was wearing dark sunglasses. If I had taken my clear glasses with me, I would have changed into those. As usual on Fridays, I did 30 miles. Rode my commuter bike, and averaged 13.7 mph.


2011/09/29 20:25 Thursday

Did 25 miles on my commuter bike at a relaxed pace again today. Averaged 13.9 mph. I'm back to using a visor on my helmet. It does help when I am riding facing into the setting sun.


2011/09/28 20:25 Wednesday

Forgot to mention that my ride was 25 miles on my commuter bike.


2011/09/28 19:45 Wednesday

Had a decent ride today. Averaged only 13.7 mph, but I was taking it easy. I wasn't in a frame of mind to push myself; I just wanted to ride at a relaxed pace. It wasn't windy, and I didn't get stuck behind slow-moving traffic very much. Got home from work at about 4pm, and didn't get on the bike until about 5:15pm. I started out in sunglasses, but switched to my new clear glasses at about 20 miles. It was very nice to be able to see well with the clear glasses. It was hard to see with my old clear glasses due to the scratches.

It is late, and I still need to shower. There aren't enough hours in the day.


2011/09/27 17:35 Tuesday

Thought about riding after getting home from Costco, but decided against it. I'm glad I didn't ride. I'm starting to lose my balance again from being tired. I plan to be in bed by 6pm.


2011/09/26 15:20 Monday

Am not going to ride today. Am so tired I am in a daze. I have read the news and listened to a sermon. Now I'm going to shower and go to bed. I plan to be in bed by 4:30pm. At least my work schedule has been altered again, and I don't have to be at work until 5am tomorrow, and then 6:30am or so the rest of the week. I probably won't ride tomorrow, either, as I need to go to Costco and plan to do that after work.

I spoke with the nurse. The doctor wants me to go back to his office for a re-evaluation. I have an appointment for a week from this coming Wednesday.


2011/09/25 17:45 Sunday

Averaged a pitifully slow 12.8 mph for 30 miles on my commuter bike. It was extremely windy in addition to my having sore legs. My legs aren't sore enough to keep me from riding, but they are sore enough to have slowed me down.


2011/09/25 14:10 Sunday

Didn't get as much cleaning done today as I had hoped to. I did get my laundry done. I looked at my options for insurance coverage for next year, and that took some time. I'm going to do my ride soon, and that will take a couple of hours. After that, I will eat dinner, and soon after that I will go to bed. Another weekend is almost over, and another work week looms ahead.


2011/09/25 10:40 Sunday

My cycling glasses with the clear vented lenses arrived a few days ago. I haven't used them yet, but with the days getting shorter, it won't be long before I will need them.


2011/09/25 08:05 Sunday

Had trouble getting to sleep last night, and my sleep was restless. Woke up a couple of times during the night. Got out of bed at about 6:15am. Hopefully, getting up that early will allow me to get to sleep early tonight. I will be starting work at 3am this week in order to do some work on network cabling during hours when people won't be using the devices on the network.

My legs are sore this morning. I'm still planning on riding today, though.


2011/09/24 18:40 Saturday

It did rain while I was riding. The rain didn't last too long, though. My average speed was only 13.3 mph for the 30-mile ride on my commuter bike. I was struggling, which isn't surprising given that my muscles had been shaky earlier.


2011/09/24 15:00 Saturday

Went ahead and helped out at the Truckee River cleanup. Picked up a lot of glass. For some reason, there was an incredible amount of glass on the riverbank at the park where we were. Picked up essentially nothing but glass for over three hours, and there were other people also picking up glass. Some of it was clearly very old.

After the river cleanup, I had lunch, and then launched into apartment cleanup. I haven't gotten all that much done, but will do more tomorrow. I also need to do laundry tomorrow.

My muscles were shaky after the river cleanup. Part of that was due to squatting so much while picking up the glass, and part of it was likely due to the fact that I hadn't had enough to eat or drink. I tried to get up in time to have coffee and a decent breakfast, but kept hitting the snooze alarm until the last minute. I ate a Clif bar and drank a little water before leaving. I didn't take any water with me, as the flyer that was sent out via email said there would be water and water bottles at the cleanup. There was water, but no bottles. I got quite thirsty.

I'm going to get ready to ride now. It is cloudy, and there has been thunder, so it might rain while I'm riding. I hope it doesn't.


2011/09/23 19:10 Friday

My ride today wasn't very good. I am tired, and I got stuck behind slow-moving traffic quite a bit. Averaged only 13.5 mph for the 30 miles on my commuter bike.

I am going to participate in the Truckee River cleanup tomorrow. I really don't want to, but I feel obligated to because I am on the Green Team at work. A group from work will be there.

I called the doctor's office today, but the nurse with whom I have been speaking doesn't work on Fridays. I'll try again on Monday.

I need to get ready for bed. I'm so tired I'm woozy.


2011/09/22 17:50 Thursday

Had a fairly good ride this afternoon. Did 25 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 14.1 mph. I did have a mishap, though; I crashed. I was behind a car that was stopping for pedestrians, and I was trying to go from the left side of it to the right. I was going very slowly. I turned too quickly and lost my balance, and couldn't get my cleat out of the pedal quickly enough. Oh, well. Only my pride was hurt.

Was in bed yesterday by about 4:45pm, but couldn't get to sleep until about 6pm. Was so tired this morning that I didn't think I would be able to ride today, either. Started feeling a little better early in the afternoon, though.

I'm wondering if my having trouble falling asleep is due to the timed-release 1000mg B-12 vitamin I have been taking. The problem of not being able to fall asleep might have become consistent about the same time I started taking it, but I'm not sure. I'm going to stop taking it for a while and see if I am able to fall asleep more quickly.

The nurse hasn't called me back. I'll call her sometime tomorrow.


2011/09/21 16:05 Wednesday

I've decided not to ride today. I'm so tired I'm woozy. Not only do I feel too tired to ride, I'm afraid I would lose my balance on the bike. Also, I'm waiting for the nurse to call me back. She had wanted me to let her know how I was doing after a week on the Prozac. I spoke with her a little while ago and told her that it wasn't helping at all. She was going to talk to the doctor and call me back either today or tomorrow.

It is only 4pm, but I'm going to go to bed very soon.


2011/09/20 19:40 Tuesday

Went to the cycling club meeting. I was very likely the youngest person there. I know there are some people in the club who are more my age, or perhaps younger, but they weren't at the meeting. I felt out of place. Of course, not being a people person, I usually do feel out of place at social gatherings. I forced myself to interact with people, though.


2011/09/20 16:05 Tuesday

The Air Races tragedy could have been worse. I am thankful that it wasn't.


2011/09/20 14:55 Tuesday

Maybe someday I will develop the self-control not to vent about my hatred of life. I have been trying, and have actually made progress, believe it or not.

As to the fleeting doubts mentioned last night, they last only momentarily, and are really not rational thoughts. They are just moments of blind incomprehension of how God could exist and yet not answer my prayers for death.

I am still giving thanks for the fact that the roofers weren't working on my building during my vacation. They have been working on it this week, and have been making a lot of noise.


2011/09/19 19:05 Monday

At times, I have fleeting doubts about God's existence. My prayers for death are so fervent that it sometimes seems that because I am still alive, God must not exist.


2011/09/19 14:10 Monday

Had a really bad day at work today. The battle continues....


2011/09/18 17:55 Sunday

Rode today, against my better judgment. Was really too tired to ride, and should have done some house cleaning instead. However, I won't have time to ride for the next two days, and I didn't want to skip riding three days in a row. I don't even want to skip riding two days in a row. Tomorrow afternoon I have an appointment to have my teeth cleaned, and on Tuesday evening I'll be going to a cycling club meeting. I don't normally go to the meetings, but there will be free pizza this time.

Did 30 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 13.8 mph. Was woozy for the last few miles, and after I got off the bike, I lost my balance a few times.

A coworker gave me a squash last week, and I finally cooked it this evening. I told her I was going to boil it in the microwave, and she insisted that I should saute it in olive oil. I did do that, but wish I hadn't bothered. It was good, but not worth the trouble. I didn't do a very good job of it, either. That is the first time I have used the stove, and I moved in to this apartment years ago. Good thing I never married.

Another weekend is over. The work week is too long, and weekends are too short.


2011/09/18 13:05 Sunday

Got out of bed at about 8:30 this morning. Drank my coffee, read the news, listened to a sermon, and ate. By that time, I was so exhausted that I went back to bed at 11:30am. Finally dragged myself out of bed at 12:45pm, not because I was rested enough, but because there are things I need to do today. I'm still so tired I'm woozy.


2011/09/18 10:15 Sunday

Perhaps existence in heaven would be such that I wouldn't have to bear being female or to bear interacting with the multitudes for all eternity. I do not know. I do know that I want to be with God the Son, God the Father, and God the Holy Spirit for all eternity. There are also a few men with whom I would like to be able to interact in heaven.


2011/09/18 09:00 Sunday

Slept 11 1/2 hours last night. Most likely would have slept longer, but woke up with the shoulder I was sleeping on being sore. Laid in bed half-awake after that for about another 45 minutes. Was in bed for a total of about 13 hours.


2011/09/17 18:45 Saturday

I suspect that the source the shepherd man relies heavily upon for Greek analysis is a charlatan who makes up meanings for Greek words.


2011/09/17 18:30 Saturday

Today's ride was better than yesterday's, but it wasn't a great ride. Rode my commuter bike 30 miles at an average speed of only 13.6 mph.

Listened to part of a sermon earlier today, and just listened to the rest of it. I have doubts about an analysis of what the pastor says is a Greek word. His illustration would be powerful, but I don't think the word he bases it on is Greek. Maybe he is mispronouncing it, or getting some other aspect of it incorrect.

As to my wanting absolute and eternal oblivion, I know that I don't understand what heaven will be like, and maybe I will change my mind when the time comes. I don't know. All I know is that I cannot bear the thought of being female for all eternity, and cannot bear the thought of having to interact with the masses for all eternity.


2011/09/17 12:35 Saturday

Hebrews 4:16 (NASB95):

16Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.


2011/09/17 08:50 Saturday

Have been reading about the crash at the Air Races. That is a terrible tragedy.

Slept about 12 hours last night, and would have slept longer, but the roofers woke me up at 7:20am.


2011/09/16 17:35 Friday

Really struggled on my ride today. Rode my commuter bike. I could tell from the start of the ride that it was not going to be a good ride. Actually, I thought about taking another rest day, due to being tired, before I went ahead and got ready for the ride. Woke up this morning with all of my muscles feeling fatigued. Slept about eight hours, and was in bed for about 9 1/2.

Anyway, I had wanted to do 30 miles today, but quit at 25. I was just too tired. Averaged only 12.9 mph. I was going too slow to get stuck behind slow-moving traffic, but it was quite windy. Did some goose-herding. I haven't mentioned this before, but when cars are stuck waiting for geese to cross the road, I chase them out of the road on my bike.

I'm going to have to get to bed soon, before I pass out from exhaustion. I really need to find out what is causing the fatigue and hopefully find a cure.


2011/09/15 14:50 Thursday

Will be taking today as my rest day from riding. It's a good thing I had planned on today for my rest day. I had only about 4.5 hours of sleep last night. Got to bed late, had trouble falling asleep, and then woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep. Had to get up early, as I am on the early shift at work. This week is actually my week to work the late shift, but my counterpart went on vacation starting today, so I am covering the early shift.

Went to Costco after work. Am getting my hair cut at 4pm today. Will be going to bed soon after that.


2011/09/14 19:30 Wednesday

Averaged 13.7 mph for 25 miles on my commuter bike. That is faster than I thought my average would be. It felt as though I were crawling. It was windy, there was slow-moving traffic, and I am tired.

Received a call from the nurse today. The doctor prescribed Prozac. I grudgingly agreed to try it, if only to show the doctor that he is wrong about the problem being psychological. I will give it three weekends, and if I am still sleeping so much, I will stop taking it. I will then give the doctor another chance to find out what is really wrong with me, and if he still doesn't have a clue, I will find another doctor. I might go back to the doctor I was going to before this one. This doctor had told me that the previous doctor had died of a massive heart attack, but I think he was wrong.


2011/09/13 20:05 Tuesday

Barely finished my ride before dark. There were some clouds sitting on the mountains, and the sun was down behind those by the time I finished. Didn't get on the bike until about 5pm, and the ride took almost two hours. I didn't feel very safe riding toward the end due to the light level being somewhat low. I had a tail light, but the batteries were not fresh and the light wasn't very bright. Didn't have a headlight. Didn't wear any bright or reflective gear, as I didn't realize it would get dark so early.

Did 25 miles on my commuter bike at a very slow 13.2 mph average. Didn't push myself at all, as I still want to take it easy to let my legs recover. It rained for a few miles of the ride, but not that hard. Was wearing a cotton knit shirt rather than a cycling jersey, and although it got fairly wet, it dried soon after the rain stopped.


2011/09/12 18:20 Monday

Oh, how I wish I had the self-control not to go on and on about how much I hate life.


2011/09/12 17:50 Monday

I really do not want to go back to work tomorrow. Oh, how I wish I had the courage to kill myself.


2011/09/12 16:35 Monday

Called the doctor's office and spoke with the nurse who had relayed the doctor's suggestion that I undergo counseling. Reiterated that the problem is not psychological and that I need to find the cause of the fatigue and sleeping so much rather than masking it by taking a stimulant. She said she would talk to the doctor and call me back. That's what she said ten days or so ago, though.

Listened to a sermon. Will listen to it again one of these days. I am thankful that I am able to listen to sermons as many times as I want and at my convenience. Am also thankful that I am not part of a church.


2011/09/12 13:45 Monday

Did my ride earlier than usual, as rain is in the forecast for this afternoon. Also, I wanted to get away from the noise of the roofers. By the time I finished, they were working elsewhere, thankfully. Averaged only 16.4 mph for the 30.56 miles. Wanted to take it easy today and just do a ride for the purpose of loosening up the legs. The area above my right Achilles' tendon felt a little tweaked at times, but I don't think it will develop into anything severe. I had expected my legs to feel fatigued, but they felt fine until the last couple of miles, and even then, it wasn't bad.


2011/09/12 10:40 Monday

The roofing company has started working on my building. They are working right outside my door, literally. It is very noisy. I am exceedingly thankful that they weren't working on my building last week.


2011/09/12 09:10 Monday

Wore my Logos Bible Software cycling jersey in the Tour de Tahoe yesterday. Just ordered another one, so I'll have two to wear between laundry days. In my prayers, I always give thanks for living in a country where I am free to profess my faith in Christ and am free to wear cycling gear. There are countries where I would be stoned to death for doing either.

I ordered a pair of cycling glasses online, and they are on backorder. The lenses are clear and vented at the top. They will be good for cold-weather cycling after dark. I have been calling for status updates. The second time I called, they upgraded my shipping to second-day, and when I called this morning, they gave me a 15% discount. I hope they get the lenses in soon, as the days are getting shorter. I have a pair of cycling glasses with clear lenses already, but the lenses are very scratched. The design isn't very good, as the ends of the earpieces rub against the lenses when they are stored in the bag, resulting in the lenses being scratched.


2011/09/11 16:05 Sunday

Had an awesome ride at the Tour de Tahoe today. My maximum speed was 43 mph. Averaged 16.6 mph for the 71.38 miles, and that includes having to walk the bike at the rest stops. There are two hills that require fairly serious effort, one going up to Emerald Bay, and one going up to Spooner Junction. There are other hills also. Usually when I do hills, my average speed is fairly slow, so I was stoked when I looked at my average speed at the end of the ride.

I pushed myself much harder than I did in the America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride on June 5th. In the AMBBR, I had no idea how to pace myself, because I had never ridden that far before. This time, I had a better sense of pace, but I actually pushed myself a little harder than was prudent. By the halfway mark, I was noticing a bit of burn in my legs on the hills, and at a rest stop with about 15 miles to go, my legs were shaking when I first stopped. I downed some Cytomax drink, a couple of energy gels, and some energy chews before I got back on the bike. I kept up a good pace even then.

As to the weather, it wasn't too bad while I was on the ride. I started at 6:30am, and was cold at first because I misjudged the temperature. I should have worn all the cold-weather gear that I had planned on wearing. Also, those of us starting at 6:30 went to the starting line early for a 9/11 memorial ceremony, and standing around in the chill morning air didn't help. For a couple of miles, I was shivering a little. I pushed myself harder, and that warmed up my body. Then, I took off what little cold-weather gear I was wearing at the first rest stop. Most of the time after that I was warm enough, but I was a little chilly at times.

I am thankful that the weather held up as long as it did. It didn't rain at all while I was riding, with the exception of a few drops toward the end of the ride. The weather was nice, although cool, while I had lunch at the post-ride meal and wandered around the small expo they had. They have a photographer shooting pictures as people climb to Emerald Bay, and I purchased the one of me. I didn't purchase the one from the AMBBR, as it wasn't a very good shot. After a while, I decided to head for home. I got in my truck and started driving, and then it started raining. I feel sorry for the people who were still riding. There was quite a deluge at one point, and it rained on and off while I was still in the area of the ride.

All in all, it was a good day.


2011/09/10 17:05 Saturday

Did 10.11 miles on my commuter bike at an incredibly slow speed of 13.1 mph. I was taking it very easy. Just wanted to do a short, slow ride for the purpose of keeping my legs loose for tomorrow. I had already packed the cycling shoes I wear with normal socks, so I wore the ones that are too big for me and that I wear with wool socks in the winter. I'm glad I did. I had been having trouble adjusting the cleat on the left shoe of the smaller pair; I had been curling my toes on the left foot while riding, and had thought that meant I needed to move the cleat toward the back of the shoe. When I wore my bigger pair, with which I had not been having trouble, I realized that I needed to move the cleat forward on the left shoe of the smaller pair.

It is only 5pm, but I am exhausted. I won't get much sleep tonight; I'm planning on getting up at about 2:15am. I would go to bed now, but I still have to shower.


2011/09/10 13:30 Saturday

Woke up feeling cold in the middle of the night. Had to close my bedroom window. Today, I put my flannel sheets back on my bed and added an extra blanket. I have had one blanket on my bed all summer long. It hasn't seemed like much of a summer; it hasn't gotten very warm, and it has been as windy as spring all summer.

Am still feeling fragile. Being in public is a challenge. I did some laundry today, and was feeling anxious about being in public. I also need to go get a triple espresso for tomorrow morning. Another thing I need to do is put in an easy ten-mile ride, which I will do on my commuter bike.

There is a no-win situation ahead of me tomorrow during the Tour de Tahoe. It will be cold when I start, which means wearing cold-weather gear. There will be clothing drops at the first two rest stations, but it will still be cold when I reach those. I will either have to drop my cold-weather gear at the second station and ride cold for a couple of hours or keep some of the cold-weather gear on and ride hot for a couple of hours after the temperature warms.

I dread going back to work on Tuesday. That is the most likely explanation for my inability to cope.


2011/09/10 07:30 Saturday

Didn't make it out of bed in time to go on the ride this morning. Kept hitting the snooze alarm. Am so tired that all the muscles in my body feel fatigued. Finally dragged myself out of bed in the hope that getting up earlier than I have been will allow me to get to sleep early tonight. I don't know how I will be able to drag myself out of bed early enough for the Tour de Tahoe tomorrow.


2011/09/09 19:25 Friday

Jolly called this evening. One of the Texas wildfires was very close to my sister's house. The greenbelt in the neighborhood burned, and a number of fences also burned. Thankfully, my sister did not lose her home.


2011/09/09 19:20 Friday

Listened to a couple of sermons today. I am thankful to be able to listen to sermons on the Internet.

Went to Starbucks to get a triple espresso to drink tomorrow morning before the ride. Had an anxiety attack from being in public.

Have had a lot of trouble falling asleep at night for a while now. I think I might have figured out why. I picked up a large bag of wasabi-flavored chips at Costco some time ago, and have been eating some every evening. I finally noticed that MSG is listed among the ingredients. A Google search revealed that MSG can cause insomnia.

I still haven't heard back from the doctor's office regarding my fatigue. I'll try calling the nurse next week, but I don't hold out any hope that the doctor will have any other ideas. I'm still peeved that he suggested counseling even though I have told him in the past that I am certain that the problem is not psychological. Of course, if he couldn't bother to look at my chart to see that I had already had an apnea link test, I shouldn't expect him to have any inkling that I have told him that the problem is not psychological. I'm inclined to find a different doctor.


2011/09/09 13:45 Friday

I'm feeling fragile today. For one thing, the thought of having to go back to work on Tuesday is weighing on me. For another, I have been trying to get my apartment cleaned up somewhat. That is always stressful for me. It is still a mess, but at least it isn't as bad as it was.


2011/09/09 10:10 Friday

I suppose I could contact the investigating officer and request that I be allowed to return to the church from which I am in exile. However, I will not do that. My position has not changed; I will not take that risk. Besides, I really don't want to be in any church. As noted below, I wouldn't refuse to go back if I were to be called back to the church by the shepherd man. Yet I will not take the initiative. I believe that God called me to that church initially, but there is a lot of water that has passed under the bridge since that time.


2011/09/08 18:15 Thursday

Did 20.09 miles on my commuter bike. My average speed was a pitiful 13.5 mph. It was windy, and I got stuck behind some traffic that was going very slowly. Besides, I was taking it easy. Today's ride wasn't intended to be a workout; it was just to keep my legs loose. I'll be taking the day off from riding tomorrow, and then will probably do a slow-paced 35-mile ride with the club on Saturday at the west shore of Tahoe.


2011/09/08 15:05 Thursday

Listened to a sermon this morning, then ran errands. My vacation is slipping away. I am thankful to have a job, but the thought of going back to work is depressing.


2011/09/08 10:15 Thursday

If it's not one thing, it's another. This may seem trivial, but I had an appointment to have my hair cut today and the salon just called and said that the person who cuts my hair can't make it in today. My hair is getting scraggly-looking and really needs to be cut. They offered to have someone else cut it today, but I figure that anyone who has same-day openings probably doesn't do a good job. I rescheduled for next Thursday. I'll just have to deal with looking scraggly for another week.


2011/09/08 09:45 Thursday

Had a really bad night last night. First, I got to bed very late due to my running some errands in the evening. I went to bed at about 9pm. About that time, someone parked a vehicle with two dogs in it in the parking lot outside my building. The dogs barked on and off from about 9pm until the person left at 11:17pm, and the barking awakened me and kept me awake. Just before the person left, I had gone out to the parking lot to get the license plate of the vehicle. I filed a complaint with Animal Services. Then, after going back to bed, it took me a while to get to sleep. I finally drifted off, but then it started raining, and the rain falling on the carports awakened me. This morning, I was awakened by the beeping of back-up warning indicators. I'm so tired I'm in a fog. Woe is me.


2011/09/07 15:45 Wednesday

Did McCarran hill workout loops today instead of my usual Virginia Lake laps. I'm glad I did. The guy I know whom I sometimes run into when doing laps around the park was apparently doing some laps today while I was riding. I saw him as I was passing by the park at the end of my first loop. We were going opposite directions, and thankfully, he didn't turn around and chase me down.

My average speed was quite slow. It was only 14.4 mph. I wasn't really in the mood to push myself, so that isn't surprising. I wasn't really in the mood to do hills, for that matter, but wasn't in the mood to ride around Virginia Lake, either. My maximum speed was 40.6 mph, and the distance was 31.11 miles.

Am doing laundry now. I have six loads in the wash right now, and still need to do two more. I'll do those two on Friday.


2011/09/06 16:30 Tuesday

Just registered to vote. Had to go through the process of having my civil rights restored, and then had to take the paperwork in to the Voter Registration office. It was painfully embarrassing, and it was also painful in that it was a reminder of what happened.

Rode my commuter bike today instead of my road bike. Had to go to the bank and then the post office, and decided to do that on the bike. After those errands, I did my ride. Did a total of 30.03 miles at a slow average speed of 13.9 mph. Got stuck behind slow-moving traffic at times. There was some wind, but it wasn't too bad.


2011/09/06 10:45 Tuesday

Slept about 12 hours, and was in bed for about 13 1/2. Woke up a couple of times during the night, which is unusual for me.


2011/09/05 17:30 Monday

Had a good ride, despite being tired and starting to feel a little woozy by about five miles again. I ignored those issues and pushed myself. There wasn't much wind, although it picked up some toward the end of the ride, and I didn't get stuck behind slow-moving traffic very much. Averaged 17.8 mph for 30.56 miles.


2011/09/05 12:55 Monday

I don't know what to think about one of the exhortations in last Sunday's sermon. The pastor spoke of the passage from Hebrews that states that we are not to forsake assembling together. I agree that it is in accordance with Scripture to be part of a church. However, my attempts to do so have been unsuccessful. It wasn't smooth sailing when I was in the church from which I am in exile, although I do miss the pastor, the shepherd man, of that church. As for other churches, I haven't found one that would have me that I would want to attend. Furthermore, I am just not a people person; I need too much time alone to be part of a church.

If I were to be called back by the shepherd man to the church from which I am in exile, I wouldn't refuse. However, I don't see that as being a possibility.


2011/09/05 11:20 Monday

Matthew 25:31-34 (NASB95):

31"But when the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the angels with Him, then He will sit on His glorious throne.
32"All the nations will be gathered before Him; and He will separate them from one another, as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats;
33and He will put the sheep on His right, and the goats on the left.
34"Then the King will say to those on His right, 'Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. ... '"
It may not be a compliment to be called a sheep, but being called a sheep would be much better than being called a goat.

I recall that in a sermon years ago, the pastor stated that every part of a sheep was used. He went on to say that he wanted to be used by Christ like a sheep is used; he wanted to be used completely by the Lord. That is inspiring to me, but I haven't been living out my life in that manner.


2011/09/05 10:05 Monday

Was in bed for over 13 hours last night, but slept only about 11 1/2 hours. Had trouble falling asleep, and in the morning, had trouble getting up the energy to get out of bed. Finally got up anyway.

Listened to last Sunday's sermon before going to bed last night. Am going to listen to it again now.


2011/09/04 19:40 Sunday

This morning, I woke up with my usual disappointment that I was still alive and with the usual thought that I want my life to be over. Then I decided to turn my thoughts to Christ, and upon doing so, I felt myself draw near to Him. That gave me a respite from the burdens of life.


2011/09/04 19:05 Sunday

Slept only about 11 hours last night, although I was in bed for about 12. Had trouble drifting off to sleep. Laid down for about an hour at 1pm, but didn't fall asleep.

Got on the bike at about 4:15pm. Averaged 17.4 mph for 30.56 miles. It was fairly windy, but I didn't get stuck behind slow-moving traffic all that much. I was feeling woozy by about 5 miles, but wanted to get in my regular mileage, so I continued.


2011/09/03 19:45 Saturday

Got on the bike at about 5:15pm. The days are getting shorter; there is a stretch where the setting sun blinds me after a while when I start my rides so late. Today I averaged 17.2 mph for the 30.54 miles despite the slow-moving traffic. There was hardly any wind, and I was pushing myself moderately hard. I was quite tired before the ride, and my legs felt slightly fatigued at the start of the ride. The fatigue in my legs didn't last long, but it returned a bit at about 20 miles. By 25 miles, I was feeling slightly woozy. I kept up a decent pace despite that, though.

The Tour de Tahoe is on Sunday the 11th. I am signed up to ride it. Thunderstorms are predicted in Stateline that day. I hope that forecast is incorrect. I also hope that it will be warmer than predicted; the high is supposed to be only 64 degrees.

I plan to get a lot of sleep this week. I will ride, but will taper off on my workouts as Sunday approaches. I want my legs to be fresh for the ride.

Yesterday was a bad day at work. There are some projects that need to be completed by the end of the month, and I haven't had time to work on them. Neither has my counterpart; that is why we worked last Saturday and today. Anyway, my boss came down fairly hard on me about the projects yesterday. It sent me into a tailspin, but I'm doing better today.


2011/09/02 20:10 Friday

Got a late start on my ride today. Laid in bed for about an hour and a half to try to get up the energy to ride. Finally got on the bike at about 5:30pm. The sun had just about set by the time I finished. Averaged 16.7 mph for the 30.53 miles. The wind was not bad at all, but there was the usual slow-moving traffic, and I didn't have the energy to push myself. I'm glad I rode, though.


2011/09/02 15:00 Friday

Have to work tomorrow, and then I will be off from work until Tuesday the 13th. I need the time away from the job.

It appears that the roofing company isn't going to be working on my building first. I haven't been around the whole parking lot to see if they are working on another building, but they were supposed to start yesterday, so I assume they are. I am thankful that it appears that I won't have to deal with them working on the roof of my building during my vacation.

My neighbor called this afternoon wanting to take me out to eat as a thank-you for driving her to Washoe. I put her off, and I plan to continue to do so. I really don't want to spend any time with her or anyone else. I need to come up with a way to get her to understand that I need to be alone as much as possible. I told her that some time ago, but apparently it didn't sink in to her consciousness.


2011/09/01 18:45 Thursday

Went to the chiropractor today. He said that the first thing he thought of was carpal tunnel syndrome, but after determining that there hasn't been any involvement of my thumb in the weakness and twitching, he doesn't think that is the problem. He noted that there is a nerve in the neck which runs down the arm to the first two fingers which could be the problem. Since the weakness and twitching are not occurring right now, he didn't want to take action. The next time the symptoms come back, I will go see him and he will do some adjustments and traction to see if that works.

Received a call from a nurse at Dr. McLennan's office this evening. She told me what I told her yesterday, namely that I had already had an apnea link test. She said that Dr. McLennan was suggesting psychological counseling. I responded that the answer is no to that suggestion. I told her that I had experienced depression-related fatigue before, and that was completely different from what is occurring now.

It angers me that doctors keep telling me that the fatigue is psychological.


2011/08/31 19:20 Wednesday

Survived driving my neighbor down to the Washoe Lake area. The turnoff was the first Eastlake Blvd. one, the one at the top of the hill, not the one on the edge of Carson City. The drive didn't take as long as I had thought it would, but I did get stuck in a traffic jam on the way back.

Received a call this morning from a nurse at Dr. McLennan's office. She told me that he was ordering an apnea link test. I informed her that I had already had one. She was going to tell the doctor that and call me back. Haven't heard back. Dr. McLennan was the one who ordered the apnea link test I already had.

I'm exhausted. I need to get in bed as soon as possible.


2011/08/30 19:50 Tuesday

I rode so slowly today that I am embarrassed to admit my average speed. It was 15.8 mph. Also, I went only 25.30 miles. I was really too tired to ride, so I took it easy. At ten miles, I had thought that I would stop at 20 miles. Then I decided to do 25. I would have gone ahead and done 30, but it would have been a little dark before I finished. Got a late start on my ride again today, as I went to Costco for a few items after work. It was very windy on the ride, which contributed to my slow speed. Got stuck behind some traffic that was going even slower than I was at times, too.

It is already past my bedtime, and I still have to shower. There are not enough hours in the day.


2011/08/29 20:50 Monday

Didn't plan things well this afternoon and evening. Listened to a sermon when I first got home. I'm on the late shift this week, so I didn't get home until four o'clock. By the time I got on the bike, it was about 5:45pm. I finished the ride at about 7:30, and it was about to get dark. I was wearing dark sunglasses, and I wasn't sure I would finish the roughly 30 miles before it got too dark to see well or be seen. I should have done the ride first, and then listened to the sermon.

I will likely listen to the sermon again; I was already angry about the impending disruption of my vacation when I started listening to it, and then I found out that I would have to deal with driving my neighbor out to Washoe Lake, which made me even more angry. It wasn't the best of circumstances for listening to a sermon.

Averaged only 16.5 mph for the 30.55-mile ride. Managed to get around most of the slow-moving traffic without being held up by it too long, but it was very windy. Also, I had, and still have, a headache that I suspect is from tension. I was angry when I started the ride, and am still in a very bad mood.


2011/08/29 17:15 Monday

I won't be able to tolerate it if they are working on the roof of my building during my vacation. Even if they work on a different building, it will likely be noisy. I need peace and quiet. Noise makes me suicidal.


2011/08/29 16:45 Monday

The apartment management distributed a note today. The roofs will be replaced in three of the buildings starting on Thursday. I pray desperately that they do not start on the building in which I live. I will be on vacation next week, and I need to rest up for the Tour de Tahoe during that time.

I was talking to one of my co-workers today about the weakness that comes and goes in my left hand. She said that my symptoms are essentially the same as she had when she had carpal tunnel syndrome. I'm surprised that Dr. McLennan didn't think of that. I'll go ahead and see the chiropractor in case it is a pinched nerve or something in my shoulder. As I have noted before, the problem started the day after someone gave me a shoulder massage at work while I was working on her computer.

Oh, great. My neighbor just called, and she needs a ride out to somewhere on Eastlake Blvd. near Washoe Valley on Wednesday. I couldn't very well say no. I'll have to skip my ride, and I'll have to put up with her chatter on the drive out there. At least she'll be getting a ride home from the person she will be visiting.

I hate life with every fiber of my being.


2011/08/28 20:30 Sunday

I had been thinking about trying to find an apartment complex that did not allow children. Much to my dismay, I found out from doing a Google search that adults-only apartments no longer exist due to a federal law banning discrimination against families with children. Senior housing is the exception, but the minimum age for that seems to be 55 and I am only 51. Besides, in senior housing, there would be the risk of having neighbors who are hard-of-hearing and crank up the volume on their TVs to compensate.


2011/08/28 20:05 Sunday

The apartment complex in which I live has a parking lot that goes around the complex. Right now, there are children circling the complex on bicycles in the parking lot, and they are making a lot of noise as they do it. I never did like children, and as I have gotten older, I have developed a very intense dislike for them. The sound of children's voices is exceedingly irritating to me. I asked the children to be quiet last night, and they quieted down then, but this afternoon they were right back at it. I am going to complain to the apartment manager about them tomorrow.

Every day, I give thanks to God that I never had children.


2011/08/28 18:15 Sunday

It was almost 4 o'clock by the time I got on the bike. Felt too bitter to pray at first, but after riding for a while I was able to engage in prayer. Averaged 17.0 mph for the 30.54 miles. It was windy, but I didn't get stuck behind slow-moving traffic very much at all.


2011/08/28 14:35 Sunday

Survived. Jolly didn't go with my niece and me to lunch, but after lunch, I stayed at her house for about an hour and 15 minutes. That was all I could take. Furthermore, the cigarette smoke in the house gave me a headache. Jolly was smoking when my niece and I got back. She thinks that having the sliding glass door open part way clears out the smoke. It doesn't.

Now I need to decompress for a while before I ride.


2011/08/28 11:20 Sunday

I shouldn't have agreed to go to lunch with Jolly and my niece today. It will surely send me into a tailspin. I already hate life more than words can express.

When I go to bed every night, all I can think of is how much I want to die and to have absolute and eternal oblivion. I spend the time between going to bed and falling asleep begging God to let it be over. When I wake up, I am always bitterly disappointed that I am still alive. My first thoughts are that I want it to be over.


2011/08/27 19:35 Saturday

When I got home from work today, there was a message from Jolly on my answering machine. My niece is in town, and Jolly wanted me to go to lunch with them. Just what I need. I waited until after my ride to call her back. Then I bit the bullet. I agreed to go to lunch tomorrow, against my better judgment. I need to be alone.

Averaged 16.7 mph for the 30.56 miles today. That isn't great, but considering the wind, slow-moving traffic, and fatigue, it was faster than I thought my average would be.


2011/08/26 20:00 Friday

About the time I started getting ready to shower, a wave of fatigue hit me that left me woozy. Now my left eyelid is twitching, which sometimes happens when I am very tired.

Forgot to mention that on my ride, another moron Nevada driver pulled a U-turn in front of me that required me to go from about 20 mph to a dead stop almost immediately.


2011/08/26 19:00 Friday

I called Dr. McLennan's office this afternoon and left a message on the nurse's station voicemail. I said, "I'm calling regarding the prescription for Provigil that Dr. McLennan prescribed for me yesterday. I don't think that I want to get it filled after all. What I need to have done is to figure out why I have to sleep so much and get that taken care of rather than just mask the problem by taking a stimulant." A nurse who barely comprehends English and doesn't speak it any better than she comprehends it called me back. Unfortunately, I was riding and didn't hear my cell phone ring even though I had it with me.

The nurse left voicemail for me. She said she was confused and had a few questions. She stated that I had said that I had refilled my medication. She went on to say, "and now you are starting to feel a lot of sleepy." She said she didn't know if that was after I took the medication. I have had to deal with her in the past, and there has always been a language barrier. It is rather frightening to think that someone like that is involved in health care. I don't want her involved in mine. I might switch doctors, in part because of that nurse, and in part because Dr. McLennan doesn't seem to have any idea as to why I have to sleep so much. I need someone to figure that out and find a solution to the problem. I asked him if taking the stimulant would help me not to have to sleep so much, and he said no. I should have pressed him harder about finding the root problem instead of just giving me a prescription for a stimulant. I was too tired to think straight.

As for today's ride, my average speed for the 30.54 miles was a pitiful 16.1 mph. I wasn't nearly as tired as I have been, thankfully, so fatigue wasn't an issue. However, it was very windy, and I got stuck behind slow-moving traffic a lot.

I have to work tomorrow and next Saturday. I am thankful for the overtime pay I will receive, but am not happy about giving up two very-much-needed days away from work.


2011/08/25 17:10 Thursday

Thought about riding after the doctor's appointment, but was concerned that I would get too tired. It is good that I didn't ride; it is only 5pm and I am so tired that I am getting woozy. Dr. McLennan didn't come up with a cause for my being so tired. He did prescribe a stimulant, but when I went to Walgreen's and asked how much it would cost, they told me that a preauthorization would be necessary to see if the insurance would cover it. I asked how much it would cost if the insurance wouldn't cover it, and he said $1200 for the 30-day supply. So much for that. I called the insurance company, and they said that they couldn't tell me how much of the cost I would be responsible for until the preauthorization steps were taken. I doubt that I will be able to afford it. I am in way over my head on medical bills as it is. Besides, I want to find out why I have to sleep so much, not merely mask the fatigue with a stimulant. I want a cure, not a bandaid.

As for the weakness and twitching in my left hand, I am going to see a chiropractor and see if that helps. If it doesn't, then I will see a neurologist. I have an appointment next Thursday with Dr. Pirruccello.

I'm going to skim the LA Times online very quickly and then go to bed.


2011/08/24 18:40 Wednesday

Had a rather bad ride. Wasn't as exhausted this afternoon as the last two days, but I was still very tired. The last two days, I was so exhausted even without riding that I was woozy. Anyway, I went ahead and rode today. Did 30.57 miles with an average speed of only 16.3 mph. It was very windy, I got stuck behind slow-moving traffic a lot, and of course, I was tired. By 10 miles, I was feeling slightly woozy, but I held on and did my usual 30+ miles. I didn't pray very much; I was too tired to concentrate.

The medical bills are piling up. I'll have another one tomorrow when I see Dr. McLennan. Since I will be having to meet my deductible this year due to the surgery, I might as well try to get to the root of the fatigue problem. The insurance will pay only 70% after the $2500 deductible, but that is better than the nothing they pay before the deductible is met.

I need to shower and get to bed before I drop.


2011/08/23 16:35 Tuesday

Read the news online after eating. Now I'm off to get ready for bed.


2011/08/23 15:40 Tuesday

Am too tired to ride again today. Am afraid to get on the bike, because I am afraid that if something were to happen that would require quick reactions, I wouldn't be able to react quickly enough. I'm going to eat dinner and then go to bed very early.

Last Sunday's sermon listening guide actually reminded me of three past sermons, not two.


2011/08/22 14:30 Monday

Am not going to ride today. Am too tired to be safe on the bike. Am going to listen to a sermon. Might go to dinner at Kinder's with my neighbor. She has been insisting that she take me there as a thank-you for the computer. I'd rather not deal with her at all, but some things need to be done even if we don't want to do them.

Looking at the sermon listening guide, I expect the sermon to be a combination of two sermons preached before at some point. I'm too tired to figure out when they were preached.


2011/08/21 18:35 Sunday

There appears to have been a tragedy at Virginia Lake this afternoon. On what was probably my third lap around, I heard sirens and saw a fire truck. As I continued around the park, I came to a place where there was an ambulance and some police cars. I stopped, and saw emergency personnel pulling a body out of the lake. They attempted CPR, but did not seem to have any success.

I obviously wasn't going to be of any assistance, and didn't feel right just standing there staring, so I left. I figured that it would be a while before the road was clear of emergency vehicles, so I didn't want to continue riding around the lake. I decided to do a climb up McCarran and then continue the ride around the park after the emergency vehicles were gone. When I had done one hill workout loop, I resumed riding around the park. However, the police officers were still there, and there were a few people writing statements. I did a few laps, and then decided to do another hill workout loop. I wrapped up with a couple of laps around the park.

My mileage was 30.64 miles, and my average was only 14.9 mph. My maximum speed was only 39.8 mph. There was a headwind going downhill. I was too tired to ride, much less to push myself, so the slow average speed wasn't surprising. Besides, my average speed is always slower when I do a hill workout than when I ride on the flat. When I was less than a mile into the ride, I had the thought that I was too tired to be safe on the bike. I felt woozy from fatigue and my concentration wasn't very good. Between the cars, pedestrians, and dogs around the park, it is necessary to pay attention to surroundings. There was another hindrance, too; my left contact lens was causing problems. It felt as though it was sticking to my eyelid at times.

I have been checking rgj.com for a report of what happened to the man who was pulled out of the lake, but it hasn't been reported yet.


2011/08/21 14:45 Sunday

I had thought that today was the 50th birthday of the pastor of the church from which I am in exile, but I might be wrong about the date. In any case, would that I could wish him a happy birthday in person. Those days are gone, though, and maybe that is for the best. I am not at all suited to being part of a church. I am not a "people person," to say the least. I need as much time alone as I can get.

Had to help my neighbor with a computer problem this morning. The mouse I had given her along with the computer stopped working. It is a wireless PS2 mouse. After spending time trying to find a cheap wired USB optical mouse locally or online, it occurred to me that I was sure I had another wireless PS2 mouse in my parts box. I managed to find it, and that one worked. Having to deal with my neighbor pretty much ruined my day.

Had trouble getting to sleep last night. Laid there half-awake and brain-dead for over two hours. Slept only about ten hours, but was in bed for 12 hours. Laid down this afternoon for about an hour, but didn't drop off to sleep. I'm tired, but am going to ride sometime today.

It is hard to tell because of the tape covering it, but I think the incision might have oozed a very small amount of blood in a couple of places. Dark spots are visible through the tape. I carried all of my laundry in one trip yesterday, and I probably shouldn't have done that. There were dark spots before that, but I think one is slightly larger now. I didn't notice any pain or even twinges, though, and I would think that the incision would have healed enough in the three weeks since the surgery that it wouldn't be an issue.


2011/08/20 20:05 Saturday

Hebrews 6:10 (NASB95):

10For God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown toward His name, in having ministered and in still ministering to the saints.


2011/08/20 18:05 Saturday

Had a good ride. Averaged 17.6 mph for the 30.52 miles. Didn't get stuck behind slow-moving traffic all that much. As usual, I used the time on the bike as prayer time.

Am doing laundry now. Am getting a late start on it, but I really wanted to get it out of the way today. For one thing, Sundays should be days of rest and worship. Also, I was out of clean cycling jerseys.

My appointment with Dr. McLennan is on Thursday. I hope he has some ideas as to what is causing the fatigue.


2011/08/20 14:35 Saturday

Am feeling less fatigued now. Maybe I'll be able to do laundry today after all.


2011/08/20 13:25 Saturday

Slept 12 hours last night. Read email, facebook, and the news, then paid my bills. After that, I had to go back to bed due to exhaustion. Laid there in a half-awake, brain-dead state for about 1 1/2 hours. Tried a few times to drag myself out of bed, but was too tired. I was still too tired when I finally got back up, but time is marching on and I need to get on with things. I just ate lunch, and now I need to shower. After that, I will ride. I'll probably have to put off doing laundry until tomorrow.


2011/08/19 19:55 Friday

The bike shop got my bike finished sooner than they expected. I was on the road by 4:30pm. Surprisingly, I averaged 17.1 mph for the 30.55 miles. It was surprising because I got stuck behind slow-moving traffic quite a lot. I was pushing myself when I wasn't slowed down by traffic, though.

Went to Costco after the ride. I needed milk, and I picked up a few other items also. I have started getting my milk at Costco again instead of Trader Joe's, as at Costco the milk is in a closed refrigerator that keeps the milk colder than the exposed shelves at Trader Joe's. I have had problems a couple of times with milk going bad slightly before the expiration date when I have purchased it at Trader Joe's.


2011/08/19 14:25 Friday

I'm grounded. I feel lost. My road bike is in the shop and won't be fixed until about 5pm. I'm having both sets of brake pads replaced. I had the rear pads replaced after the America's Most Beautiful Bike Ride, as the grit from the wet roads wore them done to nothing. However, the new pads I had put on don't grab the rim very well. As for the front pads, I tried to dig out the grit they picked up, but there were too many fine particles. The bike shop is also going to abrade the rims so that the new pads will work better.

I'll be getting a late start on my ride once again.


2011/08/18 19:40 Thursday

Had a good ride. The wind was a little worse than the last couple of days, but I didn't get stuck behind slow-moving traffic as much. However, the slow-moving traffic I did get stuck behind was moving very slowly. Rode 30.55 miles on my road bike at an average speed of 17.0 mph. Prayed quite a bit during the first part of the ride, but then went brain-dead and didn't pray much after that. Finished up with my prayer list after the ride.


2011/08/17 20:00 Wednesday

The weakness in my left hand comes and goes. It has been feeling more normal in the last week or so. I am thankful for that.


2011/08/17 19:55 Wednesday

Went ahead and did a ride on my road bike. My legs were fatigued at the beginning of the ride, but they felt better after a little while. Did 30.55 miles at an average speed of 16.5 mph. Need I mention exhaustion, wind, and slow-moving traffic?

Had a couple of close calls. At one point, a guy made a u-turn right in front of me. I was going about 20 mph, and had to come to a complete stop fast to avoid running into him. At another point, I almost got sandwiched between a car coming up behind me and a car that was coming out of a driveway. The woman who was coming out of the driveway was talking on her cell phone.


2011/08/17 10:10 Wednesday

Had the appointment with Dr. Harris, the surgeon, this morning. He took off the steri-strips, but it didn't hurt. He put some tape over the incision to protect it for another week or two. He said it was a little red, but there was no sign of infection. I will need to have a followup mammogram in five months, and then a followup with the surgeon in six months. He said that he had been a little worried about what the results of the biopsy would be, but that the results showed everything as being benign.

I'm having lunch at home, and then I will go back to work from 11:30am-3:30pm.

I haven't decided yet whether or not to ride this afternoon. I had only about 5 1/2 hours of sleep last night, as I got to bed late and went in to work early. I wanted to work my full eight hours today.

Yesterday, I was so tired before my ride that I almost didn't ride. However, once I got on the bike and had ridden for a little while, I felt much better. Strange, but true.


2011/08/16 19:45 Tuesday

Had yet another non-stop day at work.

Had a good ride, despite the usual exhaustion, wind, and slow-moving traffic. Averaged 16.9 mph for the 30.58 miles on my road bike. The slow-moving traffic was even worse than usual, so the average of 16.9 mph wasn't too bad.

Got a late start on the ride. Went by Costco for gasoline after work, then read email, facebook, and local news. Then I did a good deed. When I arrived home from work, I noticed that the hatch on a neighbor's SUV was open. That wasn't too unusual, but I checked on it after a while and saw that it was still open. I went to the apartment office and found out what apartment the people who own it live in, and went and told them it was open. I could have just closed it, but thought it best to tell them. Who knows... they could have left their keys in the SUV or something.

I also did a good deed on the ride. There is a guy who parks by Virginia Lake a lot. He reads and then naps. He sometimes forgets to turn off his lights when he parks. I make it a point to see if his lights are on and I tell him when they are. He left them on today, and I let him know.

I have been feeling closer to God lately, especially on my rides. That is a blessing.

I have a follow-up appointment with the surgeon tomorrow. I assume he will remove the steri-strips. They haven't fallen off yet. Having them taken off could be painful, and I am a wimp. I didn't have any pain after the surgery, though, and for that I am thankful.

It is getting late, and I still need to shower and read the LA Times online. There aren't enough hours in the day.


2011/08/15 20:30 Monday

Survived another non-stop day at work.

Rode 30.55 miles on my road bike. Averaged only 16.5 mph. As usual, I was exhausted, it was windy, and there was slow-moving traffic.

Didn't ride yesterday. Got stuck finishing up the configuration and installation of the computer I gave to my neighbor.

Listened to a sermon this evening after the ride. Perhaps I shouldn't mention this, but the meat of the sermon was much the same as a sermon the pastor preached about a year-and-a-half ago. The stories were different, but the core of the sermons was very similar.

It is past my bedtime.


2011/08/14 13:45 Sunday

Couldn't get the operating system to install on the PC I was going to give to my neighbor. There is a corrupt file on one of the recovery disks that I was using to reinstall. I had taken the hard drive out of one of the other computers, but I had a spare hard drive and am installing Windows XP Home Edition on it from the disk I bought for it when I first built it. I'll give her the one I am working on now.


2011/08/14 12:15 Sunday

I have three computers that I haven't been using. I have taken parts out of two of them when building new computers, and I need to replace the power supply in one. I have a spare power supply, and will install it one of these days. Right now, I am reinstalling the operating system on one of them. I am going to give it to the neighbor who drove me to and from the hospital. It might as well be put to use. She doesn't have a computer. She had one, but it stopped working. Besides, from what she has described, it is ancient in terms of computers. The one I'm going to give her is old, too, but it will be better than nothing.


2011/08/14 09:30 Sunday

I am feeling close to God this morning. That is a blessing.


2011/08/14 08:55 Sunday

Slept about 13 hours last night. When I awoke and looked at the time on my iPhone 3GS, it shocked me. It said 2:30 or so. I knew it wasn't 2:30am, as there was daylight. I have been sleeping a lot on the weekends, but even so, I didn't see how I could have slept until 2:30pm. I looked at an old cellphone that I use as an alarm clock, and it said 8:15am or so. That was more like what I expected.

Had to power-cycle the iPhone to get the time to reset to the correct time. Turning off the automatic date and time setting and then turning it back on did not resolve the problem. I am concerned about the time having been incorrect, as I rely on the iPhone as my primary alarm clock. In addition to using the two cellphones, I have now set a third alarm clock in case the iPhone problem occurs again.

I did a Google search to see if others had the same problem overnight, but didn't find anything.


2011/08/13 16:10 Saturday

Had a good ride. The distance was 42.24 miles, and my average speed was 18.0 mph. Early in the ride, I was passed by a group of at least ten riders from the club who were not pacing themselves well. That was fairly irritating, as I think they slowed down after they passed me. I actually had to put on my brakes on a downhill stretch to avoid running into them. I didn't want to pass the whole line, so I just held back for a little while. It didn't take long before some riders began to be dropped from the group, so I went ahead and passed them. Before long, it was just one guy and me in the front. He was faster than me, and he dropped me on a hill. After that, though, he turned around and went back to ride with some riders we had dropped. That was good for me, as I wanted to ride alone and pray rather than ride with someone and talk. I was able to ride alone for the rest of the ride, thankfully.

I almost didn't go to the ride and picnic. I dislike driving, dislike riding with people, and dislike socializing. Thinking about that while I was getting ready this morning put me in a bad mood. I finally decided to go anyway because I wanted a change of scenery from Virginia Lake. I'm glad I went. Having a good ride put me in a good mood, so socializing at the picnic didn't bother me.

On the ride, we stopped at Woodfords Station for snacks and a break.


2011/08/12 15:00 Friday

Yet another non-stop day at work.

Maybe the absent-mindedness is due to fatigue and stress.

Went by Costco after work to pick up some peaches for the bicycle club picnic in Genoa tomorrow. Everyone is supposed to bring a potluck item to supplement the main course that is provided by the club.

I am almost unbelievably exhausted. If I am going to have any chance of dragging myself out of bed in time for the pre-picnic ride, I'm going to have to skip today's ride. I'm going to eat, shower and then get to bed very early.


2011/08/11 18:40 Thursday

Work was non-stop yet again today.

I think I am in the early stages of Alzheimer's. I am getting quite absent-minded.

Did 30.55 miles on my road bike. Averaged only 16.2 mph. Ditto of yesterday: I have been exhausted all day, it was windy, and there was slow-moving traffic.

Got a very late start on my ride. Went by Costco for gasoline after work, and the gas station was packed. It usually isn't too bad on Thursdays, but it was today. Then I read email, facebook, and the news. After that, I called my dental insurance company to verify that my dentist's office didn't overcharge me for a crown. When I was finally getting on the bike, the neighbor who drove me to and from the hospital stopped me. She had left something in my apartment when we were printing the photo of the gift her friends had given her for her birthday. Then she wanted to chat. At least she didn't talk too long before she let me get started on the ride.

I'm not sure why I write about what goes on in my life. It seems as though it is just empty chatter.


2011/08/10 18:30 Wednesday

Had another non-stop day at work, but since I had to survive it, I did.

Rode 30.54 miles on my road bike at an average speed of 16.3 mph. That isn't very fast, but it is faster than I expected the average to be. It felt as though I was going even slower than that. It was windy throughout the ride, I am very tired, and, of course, I got stuck behind slow-moving traffic at times.

I'm off to get ready for bed before I drop from exhaustion.


2011/08/09 17:30 Tuesday

Work was non-stop today, and I was tired. Survived the day somehow, though.

Did 30.55 miles on my road bike. Averaged only 16.5 mph. Got stuck behind slow-moving traffic quite a bit, and it was fairly windy for the last seven miles or so, but the average speed was still disappointing. At least it was a productive ride in terms of prayer.


2011/08/08 17:15 Monday

Ran a couple of errands after work. Planned on taking today as my rest day from riding, but thought about riding anyway when I got home. I'm glad I didn't. I would still be riding now if I had, but I have become exhausted. It is just a little after 5pm, but I am going to get ready for bed very soon.

Read in the New York Times online edition about a dog named Rosie that accompanied a 15-year-old rape victim to the witness stand in a trial. The dog's role is to comfort witnesses so that they are better able to testify. I could have used that sort of comfort myself.


2011/08/07 13:15 Sunday

Had a good ride again today. Did 30.55 miles on my road bike at an average speed of 17.0 mph.


2011/08/07 09:00 Sunday

The friend from out of town with whom I hike is a research scientist who analyzes weather patterns. I told him that it seems as though when I ride around Virginia Lake, the winds seem to be headwinds, or crosswinds that are close to headwinds, for about three-quarters of the way around the lake. He said that is possible, as formations sometimes cause eddying.


2011/08/07 08:40 Sunday

Slept only about 10 hours last night. Had trouble falling asleep. Laid in bed half-awake for over an hour.

I see that in addition to the 30 American troops, seven Afghan troops and an interpreter died when the helicopter was shot down. I used to pray for the troops of countries who support the United States' interests, but for no real reason I haven't been doing that lately. I will go back to offering prayers for them. I will pray for the loved ones of all those who perished in the crash.


2011/08/06 19:25 Saturday

Finished six loads of laundry. Didn't pop the incision open. Made two trips each way to lighten the load.

The cycling club I belong to is having the annual picnic and ride next Saturday. The ride starts at Genoa, goes to Woodfords Station in Markleeville, and then back. It is a 43-mile ride. I'm sure I won't have any problem doing the ride, but getting out of bed in time to make it to Genoa for the 9am start is another matter.


2011/08/06 16:00 Saturday

Had a good ride on my road bike. Did 30.56 miles at an average speed of 17.2 mph. Now I have to do laundry. I should have done laundry last weekend so that I wouldn't have had to do it this weekend. I guess I'll make two trips to the laundry room so that I won't have to carry all of it at once. Carrying it all at once would mean carrying too heavy of a load. I don't want to risk having the incision open up. The post-op instructions said, "no pushing, pulling, or straining," but they didn't say for how long.


2011/08/06 10:25 Saturday

Slept 13 hours last night.

I've been praying that God will minimize the casualties to our troops. I see that 31 Americans were killed when their helicoptor was shot down in Afghanistan. I'll pray harder for our troops.


2011/08/05 19:00 Friday

Rode 30.61 miles. Was on my road bike again. Averaged 16.3 mph. The wind wasn't nearly as bad as it was yesterday. Didn't get started until about 4pm, as I laid down for about an hour to rest before riding.

Had to deal with an idiot driver on the ride. The guy was too close when he passed me, so I yelled "Too close!" as I always do when that happens. The jerk then pulled right in front of me and came to a dead stop. I went ahead and passed him, and as I passed, he said, "How's that? Is that better?" I just ignored him and went on with my ride.

Didn't feel cross-eyed at all on the ride today. My left hand is still very weak, though. Also, I have been having the "spins" when I get up from bed and sometimes when I lay down. Having the spins is a feeling people get when they are excessively drunk; it feels as though the world is spinning. I haven't had any alcohol since October of 2004, so that isn't the problem. I haven't been taking any of the pain pills that the doctor prescribed, either. I haven't had any pain, thankfully. Maybe having the spins is just a residual effect of the anesthesia. I would think that any residual effects would be gone by now, though. As for my hand, maybe a chiropracter could help. The weakness has been happening on and off since the day after a woman at work gave me a shoulder massage while I was working on her computer quite some time ago. Maybe that is a coincidence, maybe not.


2011/08/05 13:45 Friday

Am very tired today. Got to bed last night at about 9pm, which is too late for me. Didn't have to be up until about 5:45am, but that wasn't enough sleep. I'm still going to ride, though. I'm waiting for my lunch to digest. I didn't eat until I got home. I worked only 5.5 hours today, which brought me up to 40 hours for the week. Since I didn't work six hours, I didn't take a lunch break.


2011/08/04 19:40 Thursday

Did 30.59 miles. Averaged only 15.5 mph, as I was taking it easy again. It was very windy. Felt slightly cross-eyed again on today's ride, but not until about 26 miles.

One thing I gave thanks for while riding is that I live in a country where there is religious freedom. I prayed for the people worldwide who are persecuted and/or prosecuted for practicing their faith in Christ.

I have been having weakness in my left hand again.


2011/08/04 16:55 Thursday

The surgeon just called with good news. The biopsy didn't show any signs of cancer. That is an answered prayer.

I'm getting a late start on my ride, which is good, because otherwise I wouldn't have been home to take the surgeon's call. I'm on the late shift this week, which means that I would normally leave at 3:30pm, but I had to work until four o'clock. Then I went by Costco to fill up with gasoline.


2011/08/03 19:40 Wednesday

Went ahead and did a ride today. Did 30.52 miles on my road bike at an average speed of 15.9 mph. Rode at a very relaxed pace, and didn't use my upper body at all. I did have to use my upper body before the ride to pump up my tires, though. I had forgotten that I would need to do that. I just did it very carefully.

Had a weird experience during the ride. At about 12 miles out, I started feeling somewhat cross-eyed. I felt okay otherwise, though, so I kept going.

Really didn't want to be at work today. At least there are only two more days in this work week.


2011/08/02 15:30 Tuesday

I'm feeling fairly good physically, as well as psychologically. I might ride tomorrow after all. If I do, I'll ride my road bike, as it is light enough for me to carry downstairs. I'm not supposed to do any "pushing, pulling or straining" for an indefinite length of time, according to the discharge instructions.


2011/08/02 15:15 Tuesday

I'm actually in a fairly good mood, despite what the previous post might lead the reader to believe. Even when I am in a good mood, I still want death in the form of absolute and eternal oblivion. That's just the way it is.

I have an appointment to see Dr. McLennan on August 25th about the fatigue.


2011/08/02 12:10 Tuesday

Some people might be appalled at this, but I am not at all interested in having greatness. I really just want death in the form of absolute and eternal oblivion. I don't want greatness or the responsibilities that arise from greatness.


2011/08/02 10:45 Tuesday

So far, so good on the recovery from the surgery. I still haven't had to take any pain pills. I had a little soreness this morning, but it wasn't too bad. I also got by without taking any anti-nausea pills.

Had coffee this morning with my friend from out of town. He had asked me on Sunday if I would want to do a walk this morning, but based on how I felt yesterday, I didn't think I would feel up to it, so yesterday we decided to do coffee this morning. I probably would have been able to do a walk, as it turned out, but coffee was fine.

I'll probably wait until Thursday to start riding again. Dr. Harris said that I could be back on a bike within a couple of days, but I will likely give myself three days.


2011/08/01 19:35 Monday

I had to take my ring off for the surgery. The pre-op instructions said not to wear any jewelry to the hospital, including wedding rings, so I took off my ring. It was the first time I had taken it off since October of 2004. It felt strange not to be wearing it. It is a symbol of my commitment to Christ and to a friend.

I still don't have any pain from the surgery, and the wooziness and nausea have subsided. I am thankful for that.


2011/08/01 16:30 Monday

The surgery went well. I'm fairly woozy and am having waves of nausea, but I don't have any pain. It is almost time for me to take a pain pill if I were to need it, but I'm going to try not to take any. I might take some anti-nausea pills, though.

I am taking tomorrow off from work. Dr. Harris, the surgeon, said during the consultation that I would probably be able to go back to work the day after the surgery, but the discharge instructions said not to drive for 24 hours after the surgery. I don't want to take any chances, so I'm not going to drive. I had already gotten approval for taking tomorrow off from work, but had told my boss that I might be in anyway. I called and left voicemail for him a few minutes ago and told him I wouldn't be in after all.

I will probably go to coffee in the morning with the friend from out of town.


2011/07/30 18:10 Sunday

Didn't get to ride today. Got home from the hike at about 1:30pm, and thought about doing a ride, but I was tired and had an obligation to the neighbor who is driving me to the surgery tomorrow. Her birthday was recently, and a group of friends from out of town bought her a sewing machine. She wanted me to take a picture of her with the sewing machine. When I tried to print the photo on my photo printer, I realized I hadn't set it up on my wireless network the last time I made changes. I had to add it to the router's configuration, configure it to connect to the router, and set it up on my Windows 7 computer. Then, once I had done all that, the photo kept printing too dark and muddy. Finally got it to print with decent color. I wasn't a happy camper about the whole thing. I wanted to get to bed very early, but it is already after 6pm, I am exhausted, and I still have to shower. If it isn't one thing, it is another.


2011/07/30 19:00 Saturday

Managed to do 30 miles on my commuter bike, despite fatigue and the wind. Averaged only 13.3 mph. Accuweather reported the wind speed at 31 mph. The gusts were probably stronger than that.


2011/07/30 11:55 Saturday

Didn't make it to the ride. Got to bed late, at about 9pm. Dragged myself out of bed at 6:30am. Felt too tired to do the ride, so I went back to bed at 6:45am. Slept until 11:40am. Since I'm going to meet the insurance deductible this year, I'm going to go back to the doctor about my fatigue one of these days. The insurance will pay only 70% after the deductible is met, but that is better than my having to pay the whole amount.


2011/07/29 19:35 Friday

Did 30 miles on my commuter bike with an average speed of 14.1 mph. The wind speed was at 20 mph. I am tired. I haven't decided yet whether or not to go on the Truckee-Cisco Grove ride tomorrow. I should probably stay home and rest up, but I will probably go on the ride anyway. I had planned to rest up on Sunday, but unfortunately, a guy I know from out of town is in Reno for a week and wants to go hiking. He comes out every year to do a lot of hiking, and he and I do a hike together. The timing isn't very good for me, but it could be worse.


2011/07/29 15:15 Friday

Survived another week of work.

Read email, facebook, and the news after getting home. Doing so helps me to decompress from the drive home before my ride. Nevada drivers infuriate me. Many people drive 60 mph or slower in the number one lane on the freeway, and it takes eons for most people in this town to put their feet on their gas pedals and move their cars when stoplights turn green. I have been chastised for criticizing people for driving too slowly on the freeway, but morons who drive below the speed limit in the fast lane still incense me.

On a more positive note, one thing I consistently give thanks for is that I have the freedom to ride, and the freedom to wear cycling gear. There are some countries in which I might be stoned to death for wearing cycling shorts. Speaking of riding, it is getting late and I need to get ready to ride. I probably shouldn't ride due to fatigue, but I've already skipped too many rides this week.


2011/07/28 15:55 Thursday

Won't be riding today. The director of IT field operations for the company I work for is in town today, and we are having an after-work get-together with her at the Wal. Also, I had to go to Costco this afternoon to get a cheesecake for a party we are having tomorrow at work. I had hoped to leave work early today to get a ride in, but some things came up that had to be taken care of late in my work day.

After having a one-on-one with the director, I'm feeling a little better about work.


2011/07/27 16:45 Wednesday

Had a fairly good ride. Averaged 14.4 mph for 25 miles on my commuter bike.

Now I'm going to take my downstairs neighbor to Kinder's for dinner. Yesterday was her birthday, and I am taking her partly for that reason, but mainly because she is going to drive me to the hospital for the surgery on Monday. I'll probably take her another time also, as a second thank-you. Another neighbor will be going with us, as he invited himself when the other neighbor told him we were going. It is just as well, I suppose. They can talk to each other and I can tune them both out.

I really want to back out of having the surgery. The cost is prohibitive. Yet I really don't want to increase my risk of dying of cancer. It is a no-win situation, but then, so is just about everything about my life. I'll spare the reader the details.


2011/07/26 16:50 Tuesday

Skipped riding again today. Am too exhausted. Didn't get home until after 3:30pm, even though I was off work at 1:30pm. Had to go by St. Mary's Hospital for the pre-op and labwork. Then I read email, facebook, and the news. Am going to go to bed very soon, even though it isn't even 5pm yet.


2011/07/25 16:20 Monday

Just got home from the surgeon's office. Scheduled an appointment for the surgery. It will be next Monday, which is August 1st. He said that I should be able to go back to work the next day, and be back on a bike within a couple of days. He didn't want me to wait until after the Tour de Tahoe.

Today will be my rest day from riding. I'm going to listen to a sermon and go to bed fairly early. I had trouble falling asleep last night, and had to be out of bed by about 4am, so I'm a bit tired.


2011/07/24 18:00 Sunday

Had a fairly good ride, despite the wind. Did 30 miles on my commuter bike at an average speed of 14.1 mph. Again, I didn't pray as much as I would have liked to do. It has been hard for me to concentrate on anything lately. I've been more-or-less brain-dead. I've just been drifting through life.


2011/07/24 13:45 Sunday

I'm doing laundry, despite its being Sunday and despite my having done laundry last week. I usually do laundry every other week, but I might not have time next weekend. The cycling club I belong to has a road bike ride next Saturday that I might do, and the Tour de Nez professional bicycle race is on Sunday. I might volunteer to help out at the race. The producer of the race and I go way back to 1985, when he and a partner opened the Deux Gros Nez coffee shop (now defunct) and I was out here for the summer.

The ride on Saturday starts in Truckee and goes to Cisco Grove and back over the Old Donner Pass road. Depending on whether or not an additional loop is done, the ride will be 36-41 miles. There is quite a bit of climbing on the route. I'm not worried about the climbing, but the ride starts at 9:30am, which might be too early for me.


2011/07/24 11:50 Sunday

Listened to a sermon one day last week, and then another one yesterday morning. I need to be diligent at putting into practice the exhortations in the sermons I listen to. Philippians 4:9 (NASB95) comes to mind:

9The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.
I am doing better than I have been in recent weeks; for the last several days, I have felt more at peace with God and regarding life overall. However, I haven't had to deal with my co-workers for a week.

The consultation with the surgeon is tomorrow. I have decided to go ahead with the surgical biopsy; as I have noted before, I want to minimize the risk that I will die of cancer. I don't know when I will have the surgery; I would like to wait until after the Tour de Tahoe, but if the surgeon recommends not waiting, I will likely follow his recommendation.


2011/07/23 19:25 Saturday

Had a good ride on my commuter bike. Pushed myself moderately hard the whole way. Averaged 15.1 mph for the 30 miles. Prayed some, but not the whole way. Got a late start, as I had a haircut appointment mid-afternoon. I really don't like riding without a visor, especially when I get a late start, as there is a lot more glare from the sun. I might go back to using one at times if the new sunglasses don't help substantially.

There is some good news. The symptoms I was having that made me think that I might be developing an intolerance for Zyprexa have subsided. The fatigue hasn't gone away, but at least the muscle twitching and weakness have stopped for the most part. I have occasional twitches in my left hand, but that is all. I have been praying fervently that I will never develop an intolerance for the medication.


2011/07/23 13:50 Saturday

Ephesians 5:28-30 (NASB95):

28So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;
29for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,
30because we are members of His body.
At the risk of being contentious about a Scripture verse and of causing others to feel pain for me, I note that Ephesians 5:29 is wrong in my case. I do hate my flesh. I hate it with every fiber of my being because it is female.


2011/07/22 19:25 Friday

Am so tired that I almost forgot to write a post herein. Wouldn't want to skip a day, as someone might think that I finally got up the courage to off myself. Wouldn't want RPD coming to check on me again.

The final day of the Windows 7 class was today, and the instructor let us out early. I went to REI to try on a pair of sunglasses after class. They didn't have exactly what I wanted, so I ended up ordering a pair online.

Since we were let out early and I was feeling relatively good, I thought about doing a hill workout on my road bike. However, by the time I had gone to REI, had lunch, and waited for my food to digest, fatigue had set in and I didn't feel up to tackling hills. Therefore, I decided to do a commuter bike ride around Virginia Lake yet again. It was a good decision not to do hills; when I started off on the ride, my legs felt a tad fatigued for a short time until they warmed up. Then, toward the end of the ride, they started feeling slightly fatigued again. I did 30 miles at an average speed of 14.3 mph, which was faster than I had expected it to be. Was too tired to concentrate on prayer very much, but I did pray some.

I am about to drop from exhaustion, even though I have been up for less than 13 hours. It is past time to get ready for bed.


2011/07/21 20:15 Thursday

Averaged 14.2 mph for the 25-mile ride on my commuter bike today, even though I walked the bike again for a ways while picking up more glass from the road. It seemed that it wasn't quite as windy as yesterday. Prayed more on the ride than I did yesterday, but still didn't pray during the entire ride. One issue I am avoiding in my prayers is that of heaven.

It is late, and I still have to shower tonight. My schedule has been thrown off by the Windows 7 class, since it starts and ends later than my normal workdays.


2011/07/20 20:40 Wednesday

Did 25 miles on my commuter bike again. Averaged only 13.3 mph, but I walked the bike for a ways twice while picking up pieces of glass and moving them off the road. Besides, it was windy. Didn't pray much on the ride. Was too brain-dead to concentrate. Among other things, I did pray regarding health issues for a few people, and for my own health issues.

It is late. I'm off to get ready for bed.


2011/07/19 19:30 Tuesday

I hate showering. It falls under the heading "drudgery of life."

While I was researching helmets and sunglasses the other day, I discovered that I have been committing a cycling faux pas. I had been wearing my sunglasses with the earpieces under my helmet straps, but found out that the more accepted way is to wear sunglasses with the earpieces over the helmet straps. It appears that the reasoning is that having them over the straps allows for more movement of the sunglasses in a crash, which makes it less likely that the lenses will shatter and cut the face or eyes. Just thought no one could live without knowing that. Just one more boring detail of my life....


2011/07/19 18:30 Tuesday

Today was my weekly rest day. That is probably a good thing, as I am very fatigued again. Sunday and Monday, I felt a lot better than I have in a while. I'm too tired to think of anything to write. I'm going to shower and get to bed.


2011/07/18 20:25 Monday

The pain in my heels from plantar fasciitis is essentially gone. Every now and then I have a twitch in my right heel when I haven't been wearing regular shoes and thus haven't been wearing my orthotics, but other than that, I am pain-free. Dr. Karrasch did a much better job on my orthotics than the previous podiatrist I went to.


2011/07/18 20:05 Monday

Had a good 25-mile ride. Averaged 14.7 mph on my commuter bike, even though I slowed down during the latter part of the ride. I don't trust accuweather's reporting of wind speeds. When I started, they were reporting winds of 21 mph, and when I finished, they were reporting 16 mph winds. However, it seemed to me that the wind was blowing harder during the latter part of the ride than during the earlier part.

Didn't pray for the first eight miles. Then it occurred to me that I hadn't been praying, and after that, I prayed for most of the rest of the ride. Slowly but surely, I am climbing out of the depths of backsliding.


2011/07/18 17:05 Monday

First day of the Windows 7 class is over. It was a disappointment. I'm off for a ride now. The wind is blowing at 21 mph, but gusts of 42 mph are predicted for tomorrow, so I will take tomorrow as my rest day instead of today.


2011/07/17 17:55 Sunday

Had a good ride. Did 30 miles on my commuter bike. The wind speed was at 16 mph, but it didn't bother me much. I felt fairly strong, and averaged 14.2 mph. Prayed for most of the ride.

There was a little excitement at Virginia Lake today. On one lap, there was a Reno Police officer who had pulled over an SUV. Then before long, there were two RPD cars. Then there were four, and the officers had two people handcuffed.


2011/07/17 11:50 Sunday

Slept only about nine hours last night, although I was in bed for about ten. Had trouble falling asleep. When I finally did get to sleep, my sleep was restless. I was surprised that I woke up as early as I did. I am also surprised that I'm not exhausted after having only nine hours of restless sleep. I am tired, but not nearly as tired as I have been. Maybe my fervent prayers yesterday regarding the fatigue are paying off. I have been giving thanks for a while that my health isn't worse than it is, but for some reason hadn't been praying all that hard regarding the fatigue. I am thankful for a reprieve fr